OPEN THREAD: OPEN

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Hi. How are you? Have you had a weird or hard day? Do you have a bad case of the Tuesdays? Do you have a case of the stomach flu? Are you sick of selling shoes or teaching children to read all day? Did your girlfriend spill her soy milk all over the kitten/kitchen? Do you feel like THIS:

Or this?

Well, whatever it is, we want you to just let it out! Just LET IT OUT! Just tell us.

The comments are here for you and you’re allowed to yell about anything! Anything at all in the whole wide world except this website — or even this post! Yup. Those’ll be deleted. We want to hear what’s bothering you, whether it be the patriarchy, or the fact that you’re out of toilet paper, or that you didn’t get in to Bryn Mawr or you can’t get pregnant like Cori! Try to use as many exclamation points as possible. Remember not to confuse sadness and anger, okay? Just get it out! GET IT OUT! No honestly, we care. It’s been a weird week.

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712 Comments

  4. why are there so many cats [this section of the comment has been removed as it is blatantly and absolutely in complete and total violation of this post’s comment policy as explained in the post] there arent enough dogs and this makes me SOO angry! do you feel the anger!

    jk i love cats. WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT

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  6. Dear red ribbon,
    Thank you for making me friends on the internet. Because of you, strangers have called me adorable. Thanks to you, my hair looks stylish. And sometimes my neck looks stylish too. You are so versatile. You are flexible and I can tie you in so many knots. Like, All of the Knots. Also, you are a very beautiful shade of red. It’s like a cherry or a cardinal on my head, but with less killing of birds or rotting of fruits.
    Love,
    Ido

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  7. The random one episode romantic interest guys they keep throwing on Rizzoli and Isles.

    Really annoying.

    (Of course, I’d be more annoyed if they weren’t one episode…)

    More seriously, I’m annoyed with fact that some religious group (which, ironically, has Constitutional Freedom in its name) already filed a lawsuit against gay marriage in New York.

    Yep. More freedom by denying freedom. I guess it makes perfect sense to… someone?

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  13. OMG, I need this so badly right now!! I’m up at 2 AM, too full of thoughts to sleep, and I have to wake up to go to work in less than four hours. D:

    Okay, so the issue troubling me is that I’m nearly 22, have never been in a relationship (full disclosure: I’ve never even kissed anyone!), and I’m starting to worry that something is not necessarily wrong with me… but definitely abnormal. I’ve been on plenty of dates, but seem to have an inability to feel chemistry with anyone as of late. The only women I’ve ever been interested in have been a) straight, b) taken, or c) 20 years my senior. Meanwhile, my friends are starting to get married and even those who aren’t have begun telling me that they’re worried that I’ll never find anyone. Um, thanks for the encouragement?

    I don’t know why I’m so rarely attracted to/interested in anyone, and am becoming more and more perplexed as to what this means for my future. I was reading a thread on AS a while ago where lots of people were posting about how hesitant they were to get into a relationship with anyone who had never had a girlfriend before, and now I’m getting kind of sort of terrified that even if I DO find someone I like, they’ll reject me because they’ll be afraid that I’ll be clingy or not know what to do in bed etc., etc., etc.

    I’ve known I was a lesbian since I was 13; I came out when I was 14. I feel like I’m an inexcusably late bloomer relationship-wise, and maybe I would have an excuse if I had JUST realized I was gay, but as it stands, I feel like a freak of nature. I know that these feelings/thoughts make no sense, but they keep popping into my head anyways!

    Most troubling of all to me is that I feel the need to justify myself and my (lack of) romantic history. I am not usually the type of person to feel the need to justify my choices or actions, and I’m sad that this issue is making me feel so insecure. My life is otherwise fabulous – I’m studying what I love, have a job that’s emotionally fulfilling, and have studied abroad in several countries (and plan on doing so again in the near future). However, this shit is driving me B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

    Now that i got that off my chest, I’m going to attempt to get some sleep. ILU AS. Thanks for listening!

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      • I’m sort of in the same boat, not for all the things you mentioned but most – I’ve never been in a real, committed relationship, came out relatively early (18), travelled/lived/studied in a lot of different places, am happy with my current situation in every other way. But yeah, this fact does trouble me, not for the social brownie points, but because sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever feel truly close to another person, and that makes me feel very different. At the same time, I’m very reluctant to do this with just anyone – I feel that it will take someone truly special for me to open up/be vulnerable to them, and anyone who I think doesn’t fit that, I basically write off. Perhaps it’s judgmental or pre-emptive of me to do so, but… it just feels like it would go against my nature to be with someone I don’t trust completely.

        Anyway, I know what you mean about not being attracted to many people – it’s the same for me, I’m rarely interested in someone else, and when I do, yeah, it’s usually one of the three scenarios you mentioned. ;-)

        Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. :-)

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          • It sure does! Although I actually “stole” it from a restaurant (presumably a seafood restaurant) when I was in Copenhagen last month. I admit to being a little bit in love with the Scandinavian countries ever since I first went to Sweden in the summer of 2009. Some friends invited me over to their place for a week, and then last summer I spent a whole month there. I loved it so much that I almost went to Uppsala for study abroad, but there was some issue with getting their courses transferred since I’m in my last year, so I ended up coming to Germany instead (definitely no flak from me, I’m just finishing up my exchange year here and had an amazing time!)

            So what’s your Sweden story? Have you lived/studied there, or do you just have an inexplicable crush on it, like I do? : )

          • That’s so awesome!! I love traveling, and the Scandinavian countries are amazing and super gay. I keep wanting to share my Sweden story via private message, but it keeps redirecting me back to this thread! Help, gaiz?

            Anyways, I studied Swedish here in the US from age 7 to 16 each summer at a Swedish language immersion camp, and then I lived there for six months after high school. :D I’ve never been to Denmark, but I did get the opportunity to travel to Finland and absolutely loved it! Also, also, also, I studied German for half a year in high school! (Because I have language ADD and have a compulsive desire to be able to speak to EVERYONE all over the world in their native language.) What part of Germany did you go to for your exchange?

            This thread is making my day so much better. Fer srs.

          • Oh, I REALLY want to PM you to say things, and also to ask you a whole load of really important questions about Finland, but the PM button seems to be broken? I mean, unless you’ve received the same message 56 times from me – in which case I’m really sorry. Anyway, if you feel like hearing me say things/ask you really important questions about Finland, do you have an email address you don’t mind sharing on an open-thread wall?

            (Literally no problem if you do, I figure that the PM button will be fixed eventually?)

    • This is just to say, You are not alone and there is hope. This coming from a 27 yr old who’s first relationship/1st gf basically 1st everything occurred at 23. Going strong Almost 5 years-later. While I didn’t necessaily lack feeling attracted to people, I was definitely shy and insecure! So stop worrying seriously! If someone got through my walls there’s hope for anyone :)

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      • I was 20 when my gf of 1 yr 8m broke up with me and kicked me out. She didn’t feel like I was ready to “settle down” because I was too young. I’m 26 now and I haven’t been in a long term relationship since. I think one of the reasons I haven’t put myself out there is because I’m afraid I’m going to fall in love with someone, move in with them, and then when they get bored with me they will leave me just like my ex did. Why go through all that just to wind up alone?!!!!!!!

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        • If I’ve learned anything it’s that if you don’t allow yourself to be open to that sort of thing you’ll never experience all the wonderfully positive aspects of committed relationships. Don’t let the end of one relationship determine the rest of your life! That’s just silly! You do you and someday the right person will come along that also wants to do you ;) you see what I did there? ;)

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    • I feel so much less alone now… Thank you everyone!

      D. F., I feel EXACTLY THE SAME. I, too, am worried that maybe I’ll never be emotionally close to anyone, and that makes me feel detached from everyone else. Like perhaps they have something common to most of humanity that I’m mysteriously lacking… Like I’m just different.

      I also agree completely with the need for a meaningful relationship. My friends keep telling me to hurry up, go out there, and just get laid, but that’s not what I want. I don’t have anything against casual sex, but I don’t feel like it would be right for ME. I can’t imagine being with someone who I didn’t know or didn’t trust completely. That’s the one thing I really struggle with… being vulnerable. I want to trust someone so badly, but I can’t open up to just anyone, you know? Anyways, I can really relate to everything you said. :D

      Michelle: I’m so sorry that happened – no wonder you’re worried about being left again! That must be really scary to think about.

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      • Yep, yep, and yep… wow. It’s like you just attached a pipeline from my brain leading straight into your post.

        Also, this entire thread just reminds me of this scene from Being Erica : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85PwBjsQ2uQ

        Awesome show, btw, and it’s shot in Toronto too!! It’s always so weird when you see places you see everyday on tv… I totally did a double take the other day when I watched Mean Girls for the first time (yes, I’ve been living under a rock…) and saw one of my university buildings in the background.

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      • sk: I just pm’d you. Let me know if it worked or not! Also, for some reason, it won’t let me reply to your post, so I have to reply to an earlier one.

        Why must technology be so challenging?! :(

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    • you and i need to have tea or something because i was in only one relationship in my entire life and it was with some guy (most awkward 6 months of my life). the girl i’m interested in is 15 years older than me and doesn’t want to date anyone under the age of 25 (i’m 22) and i’ve never even been out on what you could call a “real date” with a girl. I’ve tried to meet new girls, but i don’t feel that kind of attraction to most of them, but the ones i do find attractive are always in relationships. i don’t feel like being in a relationship will validate my existence or even validate the fact that i’m gay. i just worry that i’ll end up like you said, being the girl someone’s afraid to date cause they’d be my first girlfriend. *shrugs shoulders*

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      • Then again, why would you want to get involved with someone who would let something so unimportant stand in the way of having a relationship with you?

        … that’s what I keep telling myself anyway. It’s actually kinda hypocritical of me to say that since I feel this way at times as well : \

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        • yeah, i try to tell myself that, but it’s hard cause i’m just attracted to her. i can’t help that and i certainly can’t will myself not to be and i guess she and i are friends now or something like that so i get the extra dose of fun with being in the infamous “friend zone” *ugh*

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      • Yes! Gay lady bonding & processing tea time! I would totally go for that.

        I completely agree – I don’t feel like I NEED a relationship or am a less complete person because I’m not in one, but I still have that niggling feeling that some time down the road, maybe I’ll regret waiting so long. And I SO feel you on the falling for someone older than you but having it be an impossibility because of the age difference. Believe me, I feel your pain. Honestly, I think that maturity level should count for much more than age, but I guess the fact that two people at two different ages are at very different points in their lives is inescapable. :(

        I also tell myself that! “If she feels that way, she’s not right for me anyways”, and try to make myself feel better and convince myself that it’s all for the best. But in the back of my head, I still want them! Argh!

        WHY, LIFE? WHY U SO HARD??

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    • i am not in the exaaact same boat but blah. i’m also 22 (turning 23 in a month. insert stereotypical angst about not wanting to get old here) and i wasted 4 years of my life dating a guy (urgh, bitter about this) and i’ve been on a few ‘date-like’ outings with girls but i haven’t had a girlfriend-type situation since middle school. also i think i might be asexual now and that is just a whole other confusing thing.

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  15. i just want an old school pudding pop. the delicious ones with the oh so thin icy film coating them. preferably swirl but really any flavor would do. they no longer make them, and this is adversely affecting my mood and overall well-being. i was just considering taking this up with bill cosby directly but i am taking it to autostraddle first because the complaint was invited.

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    • if you’re speaking of Jello pudding pops… I have some in my freezer.

      I THOUGHT THEY DISAPPEARED FOREVER. But last summer I found them in Delaware, then in PA. Which means the ones in my freezer are a year old. So you probably wouldn’t want them anyway.

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      • WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME THATS SUCH FANTASTIC NEWS. how could kraft be so stupid? i knew they just couldnt be that blind to the needs of their customers. i live in georgia and unfortunately travel to delaware or PA is not an option. but just knowing they are somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight/sleeping underneath the same big sky/in your freezer, makes me feel better about life. its all about possibility. the promise of the jello pops of tomorrow. thank you for this.

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      • I am in a similar position, I am moving overseas for six months after committing to it late last year… I obviously wanted to do it or I wouldn’t have signed up for it, but now the moment is here, I am freaking the fuck out about leaving everything I know and love for such an extended period of time.

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        • Me too! I’m not transferring until the spring, but I’m already both super excited and unbelievably nervous. I think I’m going to try to make some queer friends in Madison before I move there so I’ll know a few people right off the bat.

          Still… I’m so scared!

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          • Guys, I have moved far away to go to college and lived abroad. It is scary, but it is SOOOOOOO worth it. Being scared and overcoming that fear is a part of the process. It is all going to be awesome! Promise!

          • Thank you Alice, I needed to hear that :D

            Since this is an open thread I may as well use the opportunity to overshare massively… I used to have debilitating anxiety and looking back I would never have imagined being healthy or brave enough to do something like this. I think there are traces of that anxiety that are the reason why I’m so scared, but it’s nice that these days big moves don’t make me sick :D

        • No worries dizzy, there are nice queers over here! *waving*

          i moved here 6 years ago.. ’twas scary at first, but now i feel more at home here, than i’ve ever felt anywhere..

          “There comes a time when suddenly you realize that laughter is something you remember and that you were the one laughing” – Marlene Dietrich

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          • Thank you Marie, that was a lovely thing to say… the Marlene Dietrich quote was an especially nice touch :)

            I am glad you feel at home in Denmark, it seems like a very peaceful and progressive society… Where do you come from originally? Did you say you lived in Bornholm? I am in Jutland (so if I learn to speak Danish I’ll speak it with a Jutland accent and people from Copenhagen will make fun of me!).

            Naturally I’m a homebody and I find it very hard to be so far from home… but after all, how scary can a country with an island named Lolland be? ;)

          • ;)
            It really is.. I’m originally from Greenland, and grew up in a place very different from this. Went here to study, and have liked it from the start.
            Heh, no not Bornholm, i live in Odense. It’s a city just between copenhagen and Aarhus, on an Island called Fyn. (Funen)
            Actually people from jutland are much worse at making fun of peoples accents.. I go to school with a lot of ’em and they make fun of my ‘Copenhagen accent’ all the time! :P with a jutland accent you’ll be just fine! ;)

          • From Greenland! To an Australian that’s an amazing place to be from, as far away from here as it’s possible to be… do you speak Kalaallisut? Or do many Greenlanders speak only Danish?

            Oh that’s right, you mentioned Odense, I had my wires crossed… and I am living in Aarhus actually. I’ll have to visit Funen!

            That’s funny to know about Jutland accents, because the people who told me that Zealanders laughed at their accent, were from Jutland! So now I know the truth is quite different :p

          • (um, the reply button seems to be missing, so i hope my post won’t end up somewhere random..)

            yes! gawd it’s really far, isn’t it?! :D i always wanted to go to australia.. (especially when i was a teenager, and just wanted to get hella outta there, and as far away as possible.. LOL..) ..anyways.. yes! i do speak kallallisut! :D so cool you know about this, most people don’t really know much about us up there..
            most people speak kalaallisut as a first language and danish as a second language, i just did it the other way around because my mom is danish..
            you must visit, it’s really lovely here.. :)
            well, i guess the accent thing goes both ways.. there is a lot of friendly competition between people in copenhagen and aarhus.. :)

  17. Why did I finally let myself make plans again?

    Last year, I had the worst yet of several breakdowns, resulting in a very dark attempt at giving Life the finger, which was thwarted by drunken incompetency (mine) and fate (in the form of a random phone call). Miserable and rejected by someone I thought I loved, I was done. No more ideas of how I wanted my life to be. No more thoughts about a career or romance or my kitten or my pride. No more plans.

    The turning point came a few months later, with a new love interest and the most promising of career opportunities I had yet to encounter. I was in control of my own life again. I could breath, finally. Hard work is supposed to be rewarded, right? I did more than my share and all for the sake of making something of my life that I could have respect for. I dealt with lazy business partners, cranky clients and the general insanity that comes with starting your own business.
    After years of hiding who I am for the sake of other’s comfort, I came out of my closet, only to face further rejection from those I had expected support from.

    As of today, I have officially been forced to resign from that company due to being completely screwed over by my business partners and now former best friends.
    The girl I met and have subsequently fallen for, will not tell me that she loves me because her love is admittedly conditional.
    It is entirely plausible that by the end of next month, I will be completely broke, be homeless and be alone again…
    *sob*

    THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T MAKE PLANS!!!!!!
    THEY ONLY DISAPPOINT YOU.

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      • Yuuhhh we should cry together sometime. I’m just feeling a real affinity with you right now. I met this girl online like a few months ago and we talked for like a month and a half and a WEEK, a fuckin WEEK before we met up she stopped answering my calls/texts for two days then told me, yep, she met someone else. I feel part of her reason for not wanting to give me a chance is because she didn’t believe I could have a serious relationship with a woman because I’m bisexual. I know chances are we would NOT have had a serious relationship but it hurts not being given a chance. We also would have had amazing sex. I love this rant thread. FEELINGS

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        • YES. Bitches be playin’.
          She oscillates between hinting about casual sex to discussing what she wants out of relationships. I feel like grabbing her by those very sexy shoulders of hers and screaming
          “LISTEN, FELLOW BISEXUAL. YOU ARE HOT AND I WOULD LIKE TO FUCK YOU, BUT NOT JUST CASUALLY. EITHER DATE ME OR STAY AWAY FROM ME BECAUSE YOU ARE FRYING MY BRAIN.”

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  20. I HAVE TO PACK ALL THESE THINGS, I DON’T KNOW IF I’M GETTING MY LOANS, MY NEW ROOMMATE SCARES ME IN THE SENSE THAT I WANT HER TO LIKE ME SO IF SHE DOESN’T I’LL BE SAD & I’M SO SOCIALLY AWKWARD AND LIKE MY PERSONAL SPACE SO THIS MAY ALL GO UP IN FLAMES, I HOPE THE LESBIANS AT MY NEW SCHOOL LIKE ME/KNOW I EXIST, MY PUPPY JUST GOT VACCINATED AND I CAN’T EVEN COMFORT HIM BECAUSE HE IS SO FUCKING SORE, AND THE POP-ICE STILL ISN’T FROZEN, GODDAMNIT.

    i feel better. thanks guys.

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  21. I’ve spent the last two days sitting in a hotel room in Melbourne working on a project that’s due tomorrow but is totally unachievable unless room service comes to restock the coffee but they won’t come, maybe it’s too late, maybe they hate me, maybe Melbourne has some sort of Responsible Service of Coffee law that I don’t know about and I’ve been cut off. Out of desperation I’ve turned to this canned raspberry vodka crap from the minibar which i’d hoped would contain red food colouring but now that I’ve tasted it I suspect it actually contains red paint thinner. Next stop is Ballarat and i can’t even.

    THIS F*CKING WEEK.

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  22. OK SO I HAVE THIS REALLY AMAZING AND WONDERFUL GF. SHE IS FRIENDS W/ALL HER EXES. THAT IS NOT MY STYLE. I’VE MET ALL OF THEM AND TWO ARE MARRIED SO NBD. THE MOST RECENT ONE THOUGH HAS MAJOR DEPENDENCY ISSUES/PROBS SOME JEALOUSLY ISSUES/AND NEEDS TO HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE BOUNDARIES OF A RELATIONSHIP. I’VE BEEN WORKING REALLY HARD ON BEING SUPPORTIVE AND UNDERSTANDING OF SAID FRIEND B/C I DON’T THINK ITS FAIR TO PLAY THE “CHOOSE ME OR HER” GAME. OK, I am going to stop yelling. Anyways, so she stayed over at our place the other night. She stayed in our guest room and most of the rest of the next day while I was at work. When my girlfriend woke up her friend is still in our other room “hiding” cause she heard our intimate times.She was mad at my g/f and wouldn’t make eye contact until My Gf “fibbed” and said were had just been fooling around. I understand that it can be uncomfortable to hear someone having sex(for the record we weren’t that loud)…..BUUUUT you are in our space and who the F are you to think you have a right to throw a fit about it happening in our own house?? So anyways, she leaves in the afternoon after we all hang out for a bit more and then today brings it up via text w/my gf again saying how it made her uncomfortable blah blah blah. This isn’t the first issue I’ve had with this girl. A few months back they were hanging out and talking about the crappy relationship the Ex had been in at the time and she tells my GF she can really appreciate everything GF had done for her and if it had been another time or another place maybe it would of worked out! WHO THE FUCK SAYS THAT. You can be a friend and say thanks for all you’ve done for me…but the last sentence crosses a line. ANYWAYS!!! How do I stay super Zen when dealing with her?? And will my GF ever get a clue about this girls true character and finally dump her??

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    • oof. I feel like I just re-entered my last relationship while reading this.

      Having the “I want your friends to respect our relationship” talk _sucks_ and it’s even worse once you realize that the real problem is that YOUR girlfriend is the one who isn’t showing respect for YOUR relationship with YOU. Btw it was multiple friends/exes of my ex’s that had this respect problem. Two in particular crossed SO MANY LINES and my ex never did a thing about it.

      Anyway, my ex “realized” (or said she realized, which for her IS NOT THE SAME as actually realizing) this relationship respect thing at some point when we were on a 3-month break-up trial period or something, and stupidly I took her back.

      It didn’t last.

      Wow, this really doesn’t help you, does it.

      Probably should have entered this as my own rage comment, since sometimes, almost 3 years later, I am still so fucking mad at her.

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      • Well I can also honestly say that I can be a little melodramatic at times. Because my GF had already stopped being available 24/7 for her ex. They’ve been friends for 7 years and my GF is this girls bff. So I get that its going to take time to adjust not being able to have my GF at her beck and call BUT this girl needs to speed up adjusting time. My lady is also mad at this girl because she knows her friend was out of line. The only thing that really makes me mad is that my GF lied in the first place to accommodate her friends tantrum. My GF and I did talk about that and she knows it wasn’t cool. So I don’t know. My GF and I have been talking about becoming partners legally and the only thing that makes me nervous is this girl. Not because I don’t trust my girlfriend…but because I don’t trust this manipulative, emo wreck of an ex of hers. WHY CAN’T I JUST TELL THIS GIRL TO TAKE A HIKE???

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    • Who hides for half a day because they heard sex the night before? I know there’s more to this post, but it wasn’t even her house to hide in! If hearing her ex traumatized her so much, she could have gone back to her own damn house.

      Angry FOR YOU.

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      • Exactly!!!! Thank you!!! I would think the general rule of thumb would be to be polite and IGNORE it and not mention it the next day! This girl is also going through a break up so I guess she is just sad cause she’s not in a relationship?? But regardless, don’t be an asshole. OY vey!!

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  24. I FUCKING HATE THE WEATHER.

    I want to go out and bike, but it’s been pouring and pouring and pouring for the past weeks. Also, it’s 13 degrees celsius here and it’s the end of bloody JULY. I’M WEARING A JUMPER THAT’S MEANT FOR ICE SKATING AND I’M STILL COLD AS SHIT.

    (Also, the cate woke me up way too early this morning by jumping on my bed and doing Riverdance moves on/around my head, but I can’t be angry about that, because she’s just too cute.)

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  25. My fiancee and I are having a hard time learning to communicate with each other without getting strained, even when it’s about touchy subjects like the boundaries around flirting and contact with ex’es and ex-flings and I’M GETTING SO FRUSTRATED AND SHE JUST CALLED AND ALL IS FINE NOW BUT WHYYYYY AM I SUCH AN INSECURE MESS, SO MUCH FEELINGS AND FEARS!!

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  26. @ brzy_baby: Wait, I’m confused. That girl that stayed over, was that an ex of your GF? And with GF you mean your partner I assume?
    Hmm if you mean GF is your partner and ex stayed over and said those weird things/akwardness about you guys being intimate, I would def try to have an open honest conversation with you GF about this and why the situation made you uncomfortable, where she stands for you, and that she is important enough for you to not let anyone get between you guys? Just put allll those feelings in words and don’t forget to add a lot of the love you feel for her during the conversation!

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  27. Well, in recent events, I forgot that responsibilities give me hives and now I have some substantial groveling to do. Unrelatedly I think my grandpa’s once again working up the nerve to ask if I want to convert to Scientology yet. The delicate art of saying ‘no’ without including thoughts like ‘you gullible moron’ is frankly exhausting.

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  28. I’m going into my third year of university (took a sabbatical year after high school, doing nothing) and I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing with my life.

    Also my girlfriend had to move to another country for an internship and that sucks because I’M NOT GOOD WITH EMAILS.

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  29. She’s been at fucking RTC in fucking Great Lakes for six fucking weeks.

    I’m sick of being needy and alone and writing letters in lectures instead of paying attention. I’m beyond annoyed that hand written letters are our only method of communication. Letters. That take three weeks to get across the pacific fucking ocean. I have no-one to talk to. NO ONE! I don’t even send the damned letters because they’re stupid. STUPID!

    I’m selfish and needy and I just want what I want, when I want it. Consequences be damned.

    When the hell will the world cooperate with that simple demand?

    But mostly, I’m pissed the hell off with myself for being so pathetic and stupid and selfish and needy. Go figure.

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  30. LJ, why you no work? You work in America. Plz let me have livejournal too. Is it coz I’m British? I bet it is. You dicks.

    Also – you. You who are now my ex’s boyfriend. Dude, I liked you, we were friends and you can be very sweet and very funny and all sorts of such things at times, but here is a list of helpful hints to avoid making me and other sensible people mad at you:
    1) Do not try to guilt trip girls into dating you. Even if it works. She said she felt pressured into it, dude. Very not cool.
    2) I thought everyone knew this one, but apparently not – if you know your friend is still in love with and messed up about being dumped by her ex, then even if you’re interested in that ex? You do not hook up with her TWO FREAKIN’ WEEKS after the break up.
    3) DO NOT refer to trans* people as ‘it’. DO NOT say ‘well, it still looks like a man to me’. DO NOT say ‘so what is it, a boy or a girl?’. DO NOT say ‘does it have a dick?’. DO NOT say ‘but if it likes girls why did it get a sex change?’.
    4) DO NOT tell me to quit being so sensitive and that you were just kidding when you make comments like that. Or homophobic, misogynistic, racist and/or other offensive comments. You make me want to strangle you.
    5) Do not pressure your girlfriend into sex. And if you do, at least make an effort to make it good for her too.
    6) DON’T imply that I’m just mad at you ’cause you’re dating my ex. Even if, okay, you’re right, I’m madder than I would be otherwise, but dude, I’d be mad anyway and these are still not okay things to do.
    7) Another thing that’s not cool to imply is that I’m mad at you because I’m a man-hating angry lesbian. I’m just an angry lesbian. I’d be just as pissed at you if you were a girl, and I don’t know if you noticed, but about 75% of my friends are men, whom I clearly do not hate.
    8) STOP BEING A DICK. YOU ARE RAISING MY BLOOD PRESSURE TO RIDICULOUS LEVELS AND MAKING ME WRITE WALLS OF TEXT ON AUTOSTRADDLE.

    Speaking of which, sorry about the wall of text, guys ;__;
    On a less angry note – goddammit, why is half the limoncello gone? I love it and it is mine. I’mma kill whoever drank it.*

    *I think it may have been me who drank it, WOOPS.

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  34. I just want to makeout with a girl really bad right now. Why can’t I have smoochies?!?

    So the Republicans and the debt limit thing? Is seriously giving me panic attacks. I’m kind of fucked up right now anyway, so it doesn’t take much, so I keep telling my mom to STOP FUCKING TELLING ME ABOUT IT because there’s nothing I can do! But she won’t stop! She’s paranoid because if everything goes to hell, it’s going to be the programs for poor people like us that get gutted when all is said and done, and if she looses her student loans and I lose my SSI, we’re fucked.

    And you know what happens then? I have to move to South Korea to teach English! That’s the only thing I can think of, but even then I don’t know if I’ll be physically capable of that since teaching requires walking, standing, and writing, which hurts like a motherfucker! Just three weeks ago, I’d had to walk and stand for about 6 hours a day for three days in a row and I ended up vomiting from pain.

    And that’s not even taking into account that I don’t speak Korean, can’t eat with chopsticks, and my best friend who was a vegan before he moved there tells me that it would be impossible for me to stay a vegetarian there. FUCK.

    I have so much anxiety I can’t sleep. But at least I’m getting a lot of books read for the AS Summer Book Club!

    And one good thing happened today: I got my signed pictures and stickers from UNICORN PLAN-IT! Hooray!

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    • You could probably learn Korean while you’re there! I don’t know how it works there but in some countries, employers will pay for you to go to school and study their language. But as far as in the classroom goes, you’d most likely just be speaking English anyway.

      Also, don’t just take your friend’s word for it. Do some research! Here is a guy talking about being vegetarian in South Korea: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ittXXA-j4hI

      Why would it have to be Korea, if you don’t mind me asking?

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      • Ooh, thanks for the YouTube vid! That’s really interesting.

        Yeah, learning Korean while I’m there probably wouldn’t be that hard for me. I’m good at languages and they say the immersion method is the fastest method to learn one. Also, at the school where my friend teaches, they all speak English all the time (not just in English class), plus the school has a translator/helper whose job it is to help foreign teachers settle in and help with any problems they might have (like helping them set up a bank account or helping them understand how the public transportation systems work). I’d probably be okay, it’s just that I’m a total Type A and I’d have a lot of anxiety not being able to understand the people around me, even for a little while until I learned the language, because I need to be in control of what’s happening!

        It would have to be Korea mostly because there is an agency dedicated to dealing with foreign English teachers which finds you work, a place to live, and will provide air fare to and from South Korea (even if you don’t complete your contract for some reason, they will still send you home so you’re not stranded), and because I have two friends living there already. It would be nice to move to the other side of the planet and have friends there, if not in the same city at least close enough that they could get to me quickly if I needed them!

        My current plan is to go to Germany to teach English. I already speak German and I’ve always wanted to live there. But the catch is that there’s no equivalent agency like the one they have in South Korea (at least not that I’ve found yet) and you need a Teaching English As A Foreign Language certificate, which I don’t have yet. So if everything goes to hell, I know I could have a job in South Korea in about a month, which is not the case for Germany.

        I’m just praying as hard as I can that fleeing to South Korea isn’t necessary and I could just carry out my original plan like I want!

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        • I hope it works out for you! I’ve heard good things about teaching in Germany. I thought about doing it myself and researched a bunch of countries but then I realized I would probably hate teaching.

          Also I find Germans and German accents and German women really hot so if you do go I will be jealous. But happy for you!

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  35. I’m an Asshat for Trying FWB

    you told me it would be okay.
    you told me to “just lets go, I’m practically an emotional abyss when it comes to this.”
    I know.
    I know that you get attached emotionally easier than most others.
    Listen to the sound of rain hit the gutters.
    i’m not sure if you convinced me or if curiosity just took hold of my feet.
    That night I could see in your eyes what you are proclaiming to me today.
    Shit why did I come, why did I stay?
    Why did I decide to get laid?
    What made me decide that it would be a good idea?
    I need a shower with agua fria.
    I need to wake up and tell you how I feel.
    You told me how you felt, I didn’t want to tell you lies.
    I saw this coming that night in the little flash in your eyes.
    I’m sorry if I made a rip or a tear into that fragile heart of paper.
    You told me it was okay and that you were glad I wasn’t a faker.
    You said it would be okay, I was already there, “what’s the point of wasted time?”
    “Let’s watch a movie instead,” no romantics, no good comedies, no scifi.
    We watched Silence of the Lambs, what the hell was I thinking?
    You tried again and I declined.
    You’re my friend, my good friend is what I want you to be.
    Nothing more and nothing less.
    It’ll be okay, just let go.

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  36. Could we have some coverage on the Norwegian attacks? It’s a scary thing, and I think we need to talk about scary things.

    (Four days ago, a bomb exploded near the ministry offices in Oslo, and an hour later, on a nearby island, nearly a hundred people, most of them teenagers coming together for the meeting of the Labor Party Youth Union, were shot and killed, leaving 97 wounded and 5 missing. The man shooting, a Norwegian man linked to the far-right, was then arrested.)

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  38. I just started dating a girl! And she’s nice! And maybe I could come to really like her, I don’t know, I’m not sure, but I could definitely come to pretty much like her for a decent amount of time before I got irritated and resentful and bored and we broke up! And the sex is good, although not quite as good as when we first got together, which is not a good trajectory! But the girl I’ve liked for the psst year and who it turned out has liked me for a significant portion of that year may well have just broken up with her boyfriend! What does it mean when they all of a sudden don’t have the relationship status thing visible on facebook at all?!? And both change their profile pictures? Can you just ask or does that show that your facebook stalking? Why can’t this have happened on google+ where it wouldn’t just be that maybe she’s changing her general privacy settings?!? Why don’t our mutual friends who are closer to her than I am casually mention what’s going on with her when I start a chat-gossip session?!? And she kinda cheated on him with me a couple of months ago and it was awesome and then we were just friends and then we talked about it and sort of hinted around the fact that they were going to be broken up by circumstances at a certain point that should not be as soon as right now, and depending on how things were going, we’d see how they went! And then we were just friends! And I started dating the kinda-sorta-maybe girl, and now we’re moving in a serious direction unless I apply the brakes which will probably lead to the car going up in smoke, at this point, and I don’t know what to do! Is she single? Is she still interested? Is a bird in the hand worth two in the bush? Is it ok to keep dating someone while you wait around to see what someone else wants? Why couldn’t I have met one of them during the middle of my two year dry spell?!?

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  39. atm i’m really not happy about how a random guy I don’t really know keeps buying my girlfriend ridiculously expensive concert and festival tickets FOR NO REASON! agh i’m a student, I work part time, he’s eight years older and has a full time job so i’m sorry I can’t keep up financially but that doesn’t mean I need some guy buying my girl all the stuff I can’t afford to right now *sad face*
    We’ve talked about it, I really want to do the adult thing and attempt to get to know him instead of flying off the handle / sulking / ending up living in a cardboard box after i’ve sold my stuff in a desperate attempt to outdo him but everytime I think about it the rage of an angry lesbian descends upon me.

    Reply to This Comment

    • I feel like you are totally right for feeling shitty about some dude buying your girlfriend things. Tell him to step off, seriously. And why is your girlfriend accepting these things from this dude if she knows it bothers you? She needs to set up some boundaries, seriously. I may be a pessimist, but people never do things “for no reason.” Seriously.

      Reply to This Comment

      • M’kay tried to reply earlier but for some reason my phone won’t let me :-s anyway so now that i’m on a proper computer:
        My girlfriend has told him she’s not accepting anymore stuff from him and said to me that if I don’t want her to speak to him anymore then she won’t. Thing is I trust her and I don’t want to start banning her from speaking to certain people. He has stopped giving her stuff since she told him I have a problem with it (I would’ve told him myself but she got there first lol) but it’s still an awkward situation because I still don’t trust him because of it.
        I’ve decided to deal with it in the following two ways 1. Have a word myself just to make sure the “stop buying my girlfriend stuff” message is well and truely clear and 2. I am going to attempt to get to know him, my girl reckons it’s just how he is and I shouldn’t be worried, the only way I can know for sure is to go find out for myself what he’s like.

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  40. Will probably add something more substantial later, but for now:

    It’s early.
    I like kitten pictures.
    You have like buttons! Yay!
    It’s hard to spell in the morning.
    Yesterday sucked, but it’s a new day so I’m trying to start it cheerful. I hope this works!

    Reply to This Comment

    • WHAT THAT IS THE RUDEST. You shoulds probs have another party and not invite her and then spend the whole night riding naked girls and drinking tequila shots and be like SEE I DON’T NEED YOU TO HAVE FUN AT PARTIES.

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  47. My partner of 7 years decided that she needed to work on herself and left me about a month ago. She still wants to hang out as long as it’s “not weird”. What the hell does that mean? It’s going to be weird no matter what. I am visiting her in her new apartment that she does not live in with me. Guess what? That shit is weird. When we almost kiss after I drop off dog food? Weird! When I say it’s going to be weird because I’m still in love with her and her response is “don’t be”. Weird…and hurtful which makes me more weird. Hanging out with her is like never breaking up, but never getting back together and that is way too weird and emotionally draining.

    Also, do exes have spidey sense or something? I went out on a blind date, because god forbid I just sit at home, and had a great time. As I’m leaving I get a text from the ex. I don’t get it.

    Fuck!

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  48. So there is this girl. And we are friends. We have been friends for years and years, and I always thought she was straight, and everything was fine.

    And then we hooked up at a party and it was AWESOME. But. She is still straight? Or mostly straight?

    And I am usually totally down for random hookups. Have done before, will do again, no attachment issues here!

    BUT. Well. That is not the case with this one. We’re still good friends, so we hang out a lot, but I keep finding myself thinking things like, “Wouldn’t it be nice if we could snuggle in bed drinking tea and each reading our own book, but reading the best sentences aloud to each other?” or, “I just want to bury my face in her hair.” or “I really wish we were kissing right now.”

    And to make it all worse, when she gets drunk, she gets flirty. I thought it was just my imagination, but after the last time… she acted just like she acted the night we hooked up.

    WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. I have had a grand total of five crushes since eighth grade (I am about to be a junior in college). I do not crush easily. Why can’t my sixth crush be on the cute girl who likes me? Why must it be on my (mostly) straight good friend?

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    • TALK to her! it sounds like you’ve assumed she’s straight, but if she gets that way around you…then…might as well sit her down and ask about it :) what if she does like you? wouldn’t that be awesome? SHE’S the one flirting with YOU, so she either likes you likes you or likes you as a friend anyway. and if she denies it all, you’re good friends and you can make it stay that way!

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  49. Ranting thread!

    Sunday I got a really bad surprise stomachache which is only now started to subside, indicating that I may have been glutened AND I DON’T KNOW HOW AND I’M TOTALLY PARANOID AND I FRIGGING HATE ALLERGIES.

    My parents are being dicks and sent me a birthday card with a letter saying they were dismayed to hear from several relatives (at a family reunion) that I had ” ‘outed’ myself as a homosexual on the internet.” And they refused to go to my brother’s wedding cause it wasn’t in a Catholic church. Screw them, the wedding was awesome, but I’m still angry but part of me misses having parents, y’know?

    Also, I’m 24 now and do not feel like an adult by any means, which is beginning to worry me.

    Graduate school is stressful, I have to go to a conference next week, in which I am expected to go to every talk during the day and drink heavily at night and never sleep. You do not want to be around me when I haven’t slept. And I work with tuberculosis and someday I may infect myself and I have to work in this tiny claustrophobic room in a tiny claustrophobic suit and it’s terrifying and one day the lights went out when I was in there and I thought I was stuck because the doors are powered. *breathes*

    And I have to move this weekend to a temporary place before I move again at the end of August, but my friend’s crazy roomie hasn’t moved out yet, and I am not happy about it, and I don’t even have a bed for the temporary place and will probably be sleeping in friend’s bed while she stays with her bf but the crazy roomie will still be there and WHY CAN’T SHE BE GONE LIKE SHE SAID SHE WOULD AND I HAVE TO MOVE ALL OF THE THINGS AND CLEAN ALL OF THE THINGS AND OH GOD.

    And because of all this anxiety I’m particularly good at fucking up friendships right now, or situations with people whose company I enjoy, but now (validly) think I’m completely fucking insane, partially because (especially when I’m stressed out) I refuse to be polite and deal with people who are assholes. Also, I tend to dissolve in tears more often than normal lately.

    And sometimes I just can’t TELL people all of the things because either they don’t listen at all or they listen…too well and start to worry. So thanks for the ranting thread. It’s gonna be fine, I know.

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  50. I’m 28 and haven’t had a long term relationship, and actually can’t see someone wanting to be with me, or wanting me. thats sad. ALL my friends are married or in long term relationships. Internet dating is bullshit, a whole lot of freaks!

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    • THE KITTENS! YES!
      Super annoyed. After months, I’m trying to be an adult about a break up with my ex. Doing the friends thing and totally happy about it. All is going well then poof she’s ignoring me. Such an assface. Maybe I should tell her that I faked it most of the time/thought about a different girl. Probably won’t help huh? Do all mutual break ups turn this bad? Cuz I kind of hate the bitch right now, which is absurd because we ended things on an extremely high note.

      Also, INSANE craving for cornbread! Is this normal? Would seriously fight a bear for that shit!

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  53. those kittens are so fucking adorable.

    to be honest, i’ve no idea if i’m gay, bi, whatever, anything -can you say typical lack of self awareness?!- but i do know that now i’m living on another continent just when i could have started making things better with her. it sucks, a little bit lot.

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  57. I’m totally late for work right now because I turned off my alarm in my sleep and then had a dream with an ex in it. Her mom and grandma were really mean to me in the dream and made me wear a ridiculous fox fur neck thing. And my iPod had malfunctioned and deleted all of my pictures replacing them with pictures of the ex in the dream. And at a dream lesbian music gathering nobody joined in with my impromptu singing of ‘Come Sail Away’ but instead left immediately. And someone may have been murdered!
    And now I’m going to be even more late because I had to read all the comments and post one of my own.
    I AM ANGRY AT MY SUBCONSCIOUS AND MY CONTINUING BAD DECISIONS. AND THAT I JUST FORGOT HOW TO SPELL ‘DECISION’. NONE OF THE THINGS CAN BE FIXED!

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  58. Seriously? We can just yell on here? Because UGH I’M AWAKE AT 6 A.M. BECAUSE I’VE BECOME AN INSOMNIAC and tumblr is boring right now and I ate all the cookies so there are no more cookies and my crush is hella unrequited but her hair is so shiny and also tumblr looks really boring right now. Aren’t happy pills supposed to make you happy? No? OK I guess I’ll just go read Thomas Hardy novels and think about bedraggled maidens in fields.

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  59. I’m going nuts because the thing I have been working on for three years has been passed on to somebody else. I’m pretty sure they are going to change everything I did.

    Whenever I try to tell someone about it they think I’m crazy because it’s something so small but I wouldn’t be the same person today without it. In fact, I’m not sure if I would still be around.

    Also, I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’ve dropped out of uni and while that was a good decision at the time it’s kind of trapping me now.

    I want to do something where I get to help people or at least where I get to be a part of something I give a shit about, not just thinking about the money or the next step of the career ladder. Apparently voluntary experience is not enough and people want relevant degrees not engineering diplomas.

    I think there’s a lot more, but hey, that’s enough of a rant for now, thanks Autostraddle. :P

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  60. My boss wants me to do something that I think is fucking impossible. He thinks all I have to do go through a couple thousand pictures of something and I will find it, and he’s an idiot, because there’s no guarantee a picture of this is even online and I think he is seriously underestimating the number of pictures I’d need to go through. My guess is more like 10,000. So he has this expectation, which is unreasonable, but if I don’t succeed at this, then I failed. WTF? I try to explain to him, not everyone in the U.S. is going to post pictures of this online and he doesn’t get it. He’s arrogant, gets testy when questioned and I can’t argue with him. I like that he’s rather frank, but in this instance I think he’s being an asshole. I found some other people than managed to do this and I told him exactly how they did it and he said to me, “Nice try.” And I was like, “um, that wasn’t a try. That’s what they recommended we do.” But he said we can’t do it their way, which made a hell of a lot more sense than me going through thousands of pictures that may or may not exist. FUCK YOU, BOSS.

    OK, that felt sort of good. Even though I didn’t actually be clear what he’s making me do. Sigh.

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  62. I’M ANNOYED ABOUT THE FOLLOWING:

    – I look straighter than fuck and only boys look at me/show me any kind of interest and I’m still too shy to approach girls

    – I’m always hungry (this is not a sexual innuendo)

    – I lost a huge-ass scholarship

    – I never have enough money

    – My apartment is dirty

    That is all. So, I mean, over all, s’all good.

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    • “Honey you know this is a gay bar right?” or “You know this is a gay event right?” – Sound familiar?

      I get it all the time. Just brush it off. You don’t look straight, you look like you and you are gay (or bi [idk u just assuming]). Do not be shy. Just talk to people Once you step over that little edge of starting a conversation all is well. If it goes bad, walk away and talk to someone else. This is how the magic happens I promise. (Some) Lesbians can be a rather shy people. They feel the same way. If you are bold enough to speak first, it pays off, I promise. Read the news, stay up to date with what’s going on in the world, current topics are the best icebreakers.

      Reply to This Comment

      • AH! I get the “You know this is a gay bar, right?” all the time too! So frustrating.
        Or my favorite “You like girls? That’s cute. Don’t worry the right guy will come along”
        What is that even supposed to mean?!!
        It sucks not being able to make out with someone you love because you’re afraid people will think of it as an attention seeking ploy to get a man.

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        • I don’t get the comments from people in gay bars, but when guys hit on me, and I tell them I’m not interested, they don’t get it and keep insisting. I mean, it’s flattering… but, you know. Then if they insist I tell them I’m gay and either they don’t believe me or tell me I’ve never had a real man, or I wouldn’t be gay with them, or whatever.

          I MEAN SERIOUSLY.

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          • I have the same problem! I get hit on and asked out buy guys all the time, but girls…? Not so much. And then when I tell people I’m gay, they go “but you’re so pretty! You could totally get a guy. Are you SURE you’re a lesbian?”

            YES, I’M SURE, YOU IDIOT! JESUS CHRIST – HOW DO MY LOOKS AFFECT MY SEXUALITY? YEAH, I TOTALLY LOOK STRAIGHT BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS ALL LESBIANS ARE SUPER BUTCH.

            Seriously, guys. Seriously.

          • if you do not have asymmetric hair / carabeaner / v-neck / skinny jeans / sneakers / backpack / tattoos / fedora / facial piercing / bleached parts of hair / bicycle, you are confusing to The Lesbians

            however! there ARE people out there who will not be confused! and who are totally like ‘hot girls who do not necessarily conform to my concept of homogay stereotypes YES I AM SO INTO THIS hay gurl hay’ HAVE FAITH

          • I DO WEAR skinny jeans, v-necks, beaters and ride my bike. I just give off more of a Sporty Spice vibe than oh, i don’t know, i-have-a-penis-that-vibrates kind of vibe.

    • how to resolve, at least temporarily, this first problem: internet. then once you do it with enough girls you met off the internet, ‘i make sexy with ladies’ starts to like ooze out of your pores or something and shit gets a lot easier, i don’t know. i feel like i spent years stressing out over that and was real concerned with visibility and then magically out of nowhere i was in my mid-20s and it was like, easy, i do not understand how. femme swagger, it is complicated

      i still dislike “going to lesbian bars” though because i’m all “but i don’t want to take off my heels and makeup and i don’t want to get sneered at.” HOWEVER i have determined that those people who are judging me and deciding i am a ‘bad’ or ‘fake’ lesbian for looking straight are in fact themselves Bad Lesbians and also probably Compensating For Their Disappointment That They Are Not Going To Have Sex With Me and i just tell myself a bunch of other sexiness-affirming half-truths and this usually helps

      also when dudes pull that you’ve never had a real man shit, if it gets too bad, i remind them that my silicone penis is bigger than their real one and they usually shut up? or just be a bitch and be ‘not interested’ and not ‘gay’ when you turn them down, because unfortunately that ‘gay’ thing tends to interest them MORE (probably because a lot of girls use it as like a flirty excuse, you know, “i’m with HER”) where if you are okay with them thinking you are just a royal icebitch, they usually leave you alone after making a few snarky remarks about what a cunt you are. WHICH I AM FINE WITH.

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  63. So gloriously happy for NY gays, and the military with the signatory end of DADT!

    So infuriated that what my state, Minnesota, has to provide for The Cause is Michele Bachmann, Tim Pawlenty and, let’s not forget, looking forward to a 2012 amendment where our friends and neighbors get to vote on our civil rights. JFC. It’s enough to force a stream of vituperriously virulent progressive’s Tourette’s Syndrome at all the blissfully ignorant straights surrounding me. Aiieeee.

    Thank you for the opportunity to vent. That is all.

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  64. Last night my girlfriend informed me that we are moving to California when our lease is up, whether either of us has a job waiting there or not. I feel like this is insane but can’t decide if it’s the good kind of insane.

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  65. i had to wake up way too early today. i don’t have a coffeemaker to at least make it bearable.

    i have to meet with this advisor from school who was the biggest bitch to me. that doesn’t make me feel like being up so early is even worthwhile.

    also, i want sushi. and none of the places i like are open right now.

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  66. I have pent up rage from last week when the AC broke at Cubby Hole and it was a sea of hot sweaty lesbians and not the kind that you see in porn, the kind you see in disaster movies it was awful I couldn’t even stay and I just wanted to find a nice girl to take home with me for the night and I had to go to Henrietta Hudson instead and it was awful a lady spilled a red drink on my nice new white skirt and it’s ruined and there were no cute girls my age there and a lady grabbed my ass and held onto it and made me take a jello shot with her and I said no vodka makes me sick but I didn’t have a choice she was scary and then later a bartender yelled at me at Stonewall and probably hates me and she’s one of the few women that works there and it broke my heart she was in the right but dammit I was just intoxicated I usually have awesome manners I’m sorry I spit I’ll stop smoking I promise! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I CAN’T BE INSIDE YOU CUBBY! #nycneedsmoreandbetterlesbianclubs

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        • my friend got a gnar brusie on her shoulder from some weird fish thing that fell on her there, i’m not kidding

          maybe we can get it shut down for being a fire hazard/social hazard/emotional hazard

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          • hehe. I always wonder if anything ever falls down from there. I know now. I can tolerate Cubby as long as I stay near the front for swift exit. I have made some nice friends at Cubby. But yes, lot’s of awkward “ex is 7 ft away from me, can most likely hear me talking, let’s go to the corner” going on, and just general awkwardness from not beign able to move. Also their Margarita’s are absolutely awful. That’s why I say nyc needs better lesbian “gathering spaces” or I need to find the magical secret handshake clubs to go to. B/c as it stands, Cubby is the place I have met the best people (in Manhattan) and it’s far from “the most magical place on earth where lesbians congregate.”

            Funny you say “turn anyone straight” as there seem to be a lot of straight people in there all the time. I’m still pretty new to the NY scene and it’s certainly not uncommon in gay bars, but it’s annoying. Usually my reason for going to a gay (especially lesbian) bar is not having to worry about “is she, is she not” and being able to get straight to it and do my thing. But not so much there. There was a “straight girl” as in “omg I want to try it so bad you’re so hot want to come home with me you can teach me how” (aka do things to me and I will give nothing in return) She would NOT leave me alone this past weekend. Ugh. No means no girl. She wasn’t even that cute, but she was off her rocker and kept rambling about the marriage with her ex finance she “just called off” (you sure he’s not the one that called it off honey?). plz go away.

            Oh and another awesome one from a male patron: “Hi you are very pretty, this is uh, Derpina, she is from le France and going back tomorrow uh, she would like very much to maybe have the night with you yes? I will buy some drinks for you yes? She is very of pretty of course you can see.” *he shoves me towards her*

            Apparently I am a prostitute. Thank you french man.

            I keep ending up at Stonewall because gay men are always like OMG YOUR HAIR COME OVER HERE WE LOVE YOU. It’s so easy to have a good time with them vs crowd surfing to get a drink at cubby or putting on a haz mat suit to go into the bathroom at Henrietta’s (not that cubby is *THAT much better). Srsly ladies. WHY IS THERE ALWAYS PEE ALL OVER THE SEAT EVERY TIME? FINE YOU ARE DRUNK, CLEAN THE PEE UP IF YOU CAN’T GET IT IN THERE. Now I’m raging on entirely different things.

            *le sigh*

          • i find ‘lesbian bars’ at large kind of emotioanlly offensive and like not really a great place to ‘pick up single ladiez’ contrary to what you would think, i don’t know? i’ve had more luck picking up girls at queer-friendly parties and events than at ‘GAY BARS’ in the past i think. also i think you end up with less ‘WE ARE STALKING LESBIANS’ people when it is at a party/even thrown by other homos and not at a bar that every guide to the city says is full of lesbians. plus that whole meat market gauntlet kind of vibe just stresses me the fuck out whether or not i’m trying to pick people up? i’m in a happy relash, i don’t want to feel like i’m surrounded by a bunch of vampires

            most of the gay bars i do end up at are 1.) more like ‘mixed queer’ and less ‘LESBIANS!!!!!111!’ and also 2.) in brooklyn because it’s less about I NEED TO FIND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE HERE TONIGHT COME BACK TO MY UHAUL BABY and more ‘yo i live down the street and there’s hamburgers today and my friend is the bartender cool.’ i don’t know.

    • I think I have had this night. Except all those places irritate me because I spend more time waiting in line for the bathroom than doing anything else. And the only time people talk to me (especially at cubby hole-at least at Henrietta’s there is sometimes hilarious dancing and a pool table) is on line for the bathroom. But then I am just focusing on HOW BADLY I HAVE TO PEE WHY IS THIS LINE SO LONG so I’m invariably less than charming. Bah.

      Now that I’ve moved out of NY, I need to find me a lesbian bar with a) slightly smaller, less insane crowds b) adequate numbers of bathrooms and c) an atmosphere conducive to talking that’s not yelling en route to the toilet.

      I think the decoration in cubby hole is cute but it creeps me out that it probably has never, ever been cleaned.

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      • Yeah it seems that talking is a nono unless it’s shouting in these places. Because if you’ve ever “gone outside” Cubby or Henrietta’s, it’s like the silent sneaking out of your parents house zone. “LADIES KEEP IT DOWN! FINISH UP AND GET BACK INSIDE!”

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  67. I HATE THE GENDER BINARY WITH A PASSION THAT REQUIRES MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    AND THE PATRIARCHY!!!!!!!!!! AND HANGNAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Also, mornings (!!!!!!!) Who invented them, and why, and where do they live so I can go punch them inna face? I just wanna go back to sleep and forget about that whole “work” thing.

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  68. I heavy made out with a girl TWICE and she didn’t add me on facebook so I’ll probably never see her again. I mean, not even facebook friends, really? Half those fuckers I only made out with ONCE.

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  71. Sorry for soliciting (for friendship:P) here but it won’t let me post a Thread on the Forums page… BUT–WWOOF WITH ME THIS FALL? Anyone interested in going on a WWOOF (world-wide opportunities on organic farms) adventure with me somewhere in the Southern or Midwestern U.S. (I’m looking at farms/ranches in Utah, Georgia, Arizona, and Hawaii–but I would just pick one) from mid-September up until Thanksgiving? I’m not crunchy at all/know nothing about farming but I think it would be a great life experience and I, conveniently, have a college off-term then. Let me know if you’d be interested! -kittenswhocuddletothevoiceofVonnegut

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  75. I’ve spent the last three hours looking at Rapinoe gifs(LOOKATHERCUTELITTLEFACE) so I’m not sure I can work up the vitriol to rant right now. But I’m about to call my student loans company so I’m sure that will take care of itself.

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  76. I’M GRADUATING COLLEGE IN 10 MONTHS- I DON’T WANNA GROW UP OR BE A REAL PERSON BUT I’M SICK OF NOT BEING ABLE TO SUPPORT MYSELF WELL. ALSO I WANT MY OWN KITCHEN FULL OF VEGAN DELICIOUS THINGS TO DECORATE. BUT WHERE DO YOU MEET GIRLS AFTER YOU GRADUATE?!?!?! MIXED FEELIGNS ARE FRUSTRATING

    also,
    ILENE FUCKING CHAIKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  77. So, lately my bf of forever has been making weird jokes about me hooking up with girls or hanging out with my “lady lesbian friends”. Last night I told him that it was making me uncomfortable, and after some cajoling, he admitted that he’s scared I’m going to cheat on him when I move away for Grad school this Fall. Fantastic.

    #existentialcrisis

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  78. Mom: But…you have a daughter who would like to get married to someone of the same sex.
    Dad: That’s fine. Let her fight her battles!
    Mom: …you wouldn’t fight for her?

    THAT IS THE CONVERSATION I WOKE UP TO AND I’M NOT SURE HOW TO FEEL. My dad says a lot of really weird stupid things and I try my best to ignore them because he might be a little bit crazy.

    Other than that, I live in a stupid state and there’s nothing here and I can’t meet girls. And if I do meet a girl I don’t know how to talk to her or flirt with her I mean I DON’T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A CREEP, Y’KNOW?

    My phone got washed yesterday and it mostly works now except the screen makes squishy sounds when you touch it, and I can’t tell my friend about it because the ‘u’ key refuses to work.

    BUT MOSTLY I am torn up about Infomania being over because I didn’t know about it and I feel like That’s Gay is/was the most important thing on TV and without it there is no hope. I fully blame Keith Olberman for this.

    Oh, I also have a rage-inducing homophobic classmate but I don’t even know where to start with her.

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      • But I’m paranoid that she’ll read this!

        …but okay.

        She seems to have dropped it for now but for a while she was talking about how ALL MEN SUCK and SHE REALLY WANTS TO TRY BEING A LESBIAN and one time we were walking together and she said that she’s never actually tried being with a girl (or something like that, sometimes I can’t really hear people) and I was just like “Oh.” I don’t know if she was hinting at anything or if she knows/suspects that I’m gay because I think I’m really obvious but maybe I’m not. (I mean, I have an HRC sticker on my car, so everyone should know, right?)

        Either way I wouldn’t do anything with her because she says a lot of offensive things, mainly about guys, and she seems to think that this is a totally polite and acceptable way to talk.

        And she said something about how she loves to humiliate guys which was just…weird and tmi, I guess.

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  80. For me, for us, everything changed on Friday.
    The loss. The pain on people’s faces. Not knowing who will come back. A tragedy that makes no sense.
    I’m not sure how to stop it from tearing me to pieces. I don’t know how to get over it, or even how to move past it, into a state where it doesn’t physically hurt to just be. I don’t know how we can.
    How can someone kill someone for wanting to create something good? How can someone shoot teenagers because they are inclusive and tolerant, because they care?
    They were some of the brightest, most inspiring people I’ve ever known.
    I miss them.

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  81. I hate country weddings. When are you getting married? Do you have a special someone in your life? Oh, we’re so proud of you, I bet the boys are just lining up. Preacher named Bud talking about the sanctity of marriage when we all know they’ve been getting down from the moment they met (which is fine, do what yah want but prude in public freak in the bedroom is just stupid). The 6 kegs were nice though and my dad wearing an hawian shirt.

    Student loans suck I agree, med school apps not as bad. Generally I just put I want to help people and don’t care about the money although that’s just the dumbest thing ever. Yeah dr.s want to make money otherwise we wouldn’t kill ourselves studying. Good luck Lizz, ps it gets better/ sometimes worse/ mostly better.

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  83. I cant drink coffee anymore.
    or pop. or alcahol. think I’m going to have to give up bacon (and all pork) as well.
    we’ve gotten so much rain here the last two months (yes, months, no we don’t have a rainy season here… at least, not until lately) and so half my shared garden isn’t growin. and I think I’m suffering from the lack of natural vitamin D.
    I want to get some more tattoos, but my partner is against it for silly reasons. What, you have more than me, but your done with that phase of your life so I should be too?
    and lastly, I’m turning 30 tomorrow.

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  84. Everyone in the world should subscribe to Crash Pad, even if you don’t like it or don’t like porn, and here’s why: Jiz Lee is just such a sweet and genuine person. I heart her.

    Now lezzies, go forth and subscribe to the porn!

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