Listling Without Commentary: People You Geniuses Voted For in the Autostraddle Hot 100

The 2012 Autostraddle Hot 100 Of Real Queer Women votes have been counted and the 2012 Autostraddle Hot 100 post is in progress, so that’s something to think about as you lie awake at night worrying about swine flu.

However, while sifting through the Autostraddle Hot 100 Votes, we were struck not only by the variety of ways in which one can spell “Moennig”*, “Portia de Rossi” and “DeGeneres,” but also by the myriad deviations from the contest “rules” — most notably the rules that the contestant must be queer, female-identified, and real. (Let’s not get into the “do not vote for the same person more than once” rule, y’all are hopeless in that regard.)

We thought we would share with you some of our favorite responses to our question: “Who are the top 10 hottest queer women in all the land?”. Here they are:

1. Amelia Earhart

2. Brittany S. Pierce (6 votes for this one)

3. The third basemen on the opposing softball team

4. George Clooney

5. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

6. That Hot Genderqueer Barista

7. That Hot Femme Bartender

8. Dianna Arton

9. fuck me with a strap-on

10. PORTIA DE ROSSIE

11. Olivia Benson

12. Julie Andrews

13. hot girl w/dreads who fills the bulk bins at a certain Whole Foods in SLC

14. Xena the Warrior Princess

15. your mum

16. That half-asian fox in the shark cabin

17. Chelsea Grace Chavarria

18. cats

19. Liv Tayler

20. Carrie Underwood

21. the black queen of sogo

22. Freja Benson Erikson

23. willow rosenberg

24. bette

25. Callie Torres (I know she’s not real but she’s really really hot)

26. Jonathan Groff

27. The girl I’m having a first date with tomorrow, you guys should hear how witty she is!

28. The Internet

29. Rachel Evan Wood

30. The 2013 Autostraddle Calendar girl who, in the teaser video, identifies as “a really big lesbian” and a “b-o-i boi lesbian”, whose name and designated calendar month has, to my knowledge, not yet been revealed and who, clearly, I have a big crush on (how’s that for a ‘FULL NAME’?!)

31. Sara Quin’s jaw

32. that one barista at the coffee shop

33. Katy Perry

34. Michelle Bachmann (duh)

* It took me three years to remember how to spell Moennig myself though, so.


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Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2855 articles for us.

92 Comments

  1. sarah

    The third baseman turned out to be a jerk, guys :(

      • I had the same thought! It’s like we’re twins. Except you’re the funny smart one everybody likes, and we don’t look anything alike.

  2. no, no, it’s a sentence: Dianna Arton, fuck me with a strap-on!

    alternatively

    fuck me with a strap-on, PORTIA DE ROSSIE!

  3. RE: #8…HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    You’d think that would get old, but no.

  4. “The 2013 Autostraddle Calendar girl who, in the teaser video, identifies as “a really big lesbian” and a “b-o-i boi lesbian”, whose name and designated calendar month has, to my knowledge, not yet been revealed and who, clearly, I have a big crush on (how’s that for a ‘FULL NAME’?!)”

    that’s KP, you guys!!! She’s really great!

  5. 16. That half-asian fox in the shark cabin

    I’m predicting The Sharks make a clean sweep of the Hot 100.
    Yep.
    Allll 100 spots.

  6. Susi

    26. Jonathan Groff

    I chuckled, best answer!

  7. Lololol I love Autrostraddlers… Fucking the rules, one day at a time

  8. Sawyer

    Fun fact: I mistyped Croce’s name while telling one of my friends how hot she was. Now she is forever known to me as Crochet. Sexual Crochet, apparently.

    • i think that’s how you’re supposed to pronounce it in her bedroom.

    • Sexual Crochet – that would be when you make tea cozies for your dildos?

      • captcaywick

        tea cozy dildo covers with DREADS!

      • Oh kids. You think tea cozies for you sex toys are a joke. But I am wicked talented with yarn. :)

        • I just can’t stop thinking of the way those silicone toys attract every single piece of dust and debris and how gross cleaning yarn off them would be.

          • Depends on the yarn, actually. Some acrylics are very nice for not shedding on stuff the way natural fibers are. :)

  9. Dee

    This list is hilarious…but it was the graphic at the top that had me laughing the hardest. Now I’m wondering how many variations of Hot Intern/Editor Laura Wooley needed to be replaced!

  10. Oh my gosh, this list is the best. Hahaha. Sara Quin’s jaw and all of the vague “that one hot girl” submissions are my favorites.

    • Y’all, Amelia’s hands were as big as mine. There is a little chart at her museum, and of course I had to measure. And I have HUGE hands. Like, I’m the woman every dumb redneck makes the “well hung lesbian” joke about at the bar. So by default, I feel like it would be a shame if she wasn’t one of us. That’s just talent put to waste.

        • I would win. Honestly, it was my main source of personal embarrassment (and believe me, there were/still are many) until I…. realized that it was more of a blessing than a curse.

        • Ze middle finger of my left hand is one and one half post-it notes long. The right is slightly longer.
          What? It’s early, I’m baked, and the ruler is in my desk.

    • L

      If Amelia Earhart won the Hot 100 I would be so, so happy.

  11. Oh Xena. She’s the warrior princess of my HEART. Also, I have such a huge history crush on Joan of Arc and Amelia Earhart that I’ve convinced myself they’re just reincarnated versions of the same person.

    • I’m glad I’m not the only one who has a history crush on Joan of Arc. Also, Greek mythology crush on Athena…

      • Joan of Arc is on a medallion which I wear around my neck at all times. She was my confirmation saint.

      • I’m SO glad other people feel this way about Joan of Arc, I can’t help but smile like a goober in public right now. And yes, 100% to Athena as well!

    • Yesss, Joan of Arc ♥ No, it has nothing to do with the fact that she dressed like a man in order to fuck the patriarchy, no no.

  12. Ok, ok. Breaking lurker silence to set the record straight (or not so straight). I wrote number #16 referring to the shark counsellor Emily Choo, but only afterwards realized that it could be interpreted as being about myself. I didn’t vote for myself you guys. Just putting that out there.

  13. I don’t think “fuck me with a strap-on” is a person. That being said, I’m pretty sure I know who might have said it.

    And yes, the Chistrads who went to A camp now say this constantly.

  14. Is anybody else thinking there should be an Autostraddle Hot 100 Queer Women, no rules edition?

      • so, I don’t know if this is a german google thing or
        but this is apparently 13.

          • yeah, I was wondering about that one, too…

          • I can’t help but read “German google” as some kind of wonderful euphemism.

  15. hahaha number nine!

    and really did no one vote for Beth? she deserves an honorable mention, or her own special catagory.

    • yes ppl voted for beth but you know i felt like it was too ‘personality cult’ish

  16. The best part about ‘hat Hot Genderqueer Barista is that she’s usually best friends with fuck me with a strap-on.

  17. oh come on, guys. COURTNEY TROUBLE IS THE HOTTEST OF THE HOT.

  18. Ok I have to Google Kate Moennig every time I write out her name to make sure I’m spelling it right, just sayin’

  19. MT

    I seriously considered voting for Shiloh as well, but last I read she was going by Ben, I think, and also she’s never spoken out about whether she’s queer-identified.

    I guess I never really learned how to break rules.

  20. More importantly: how many votes did Finn Hudson get? Or has that joke passed?

  21. Next year, the Hot 100 should only alow fictional people and inanimate things and vague references and weird shit.

  22. Can we have an InfoGraphic explaining visually the Autostraddle-Hot-100? Pleeeeeeeease

    I want to make sure I’ll really understand the point

  23. #13!!! after the one whole foods moved I haven’t seen her since. I definitely second that vote

  24. How did Clea DuVall not make this list?

    Or Hanna Hart?

    … I’m so disappointed.

  25. Jasmine

    You guys, Jonathan Groff is totally my favourite lesbian!

  26. I probably shouldn’t have admitted to that with such excitement and pride, but when I first saw it, I definitely felt nothing but excitement and pride – my head was like “O-M-G I made the list!”

  27. TEKgirl

    All ranked by members of MENSA, I see.

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