The 2012 Autostraddle Hot 100 Of Real Queer Women votes have been counted and the 2012 Autostraddle Hot 100 post is in progress, so that’s something to think about as you lie awake at night worrying about swine flu.
However, while sifting through the Autostraddle Hot 100 Votes, we were struck not only by the variety of ways in which one can spell “Moennig”*, “Portia de Rossi” and “DeGeneres,” but also by the myriad deviations from the contest “rules” — most notably the rules that the contestant must be queer, female-identified, and real. (Let’s not get into the “do not vote for the same person more than once” rule, y’all are hopeless in that regard.)
We thought we would share with you some of our favorite responses to our question: “Who are the top 10 hottest queer women in all the land?”. Here they are:
1. Amelia Earhart
2. Brittany S. Pierce (6 votes for this one)
3. The third basemen on the opposing softball team
4. George Clooney
5. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
6. That Hot Genderqueer Barista
7. That Hot Femme Bartender
8. Dianna Arton
9. fuck me with a strap-on
10. PORTIA DE ROSSIE
11. Olivia Benson
12. Julie Andrews
13. hot girl w/dreads who fills the bulk bins at a certain Whole Foods in SLC
14. Xena the Warrior Princess
15. your mum
16. That half-asian fox in the shark cabin
17. Chelsea Grace Chavarria
18. cats
19. Liv Tayler
20. Carrie Underwood
21. the black queen of sogo
22. Freja Benson Erikson
23. willow rosenberg
24. bette
25. Callie Torres (I know she’s not real but she’s really really hot)
26. Jonathan Groff
27. The girl I’m having a first date with tomorrow, you guys should hear how witty she is!
28. The Internet
29. Rachel Evan Wood
30. The 2013 Autostraddle Calendar girl who, in the teaser video, identifies as “a really big lesbian” and a “b-o-i boi lesbian”, whose name and designated calendar month has, to my knowledge, not yet been revealed and who, clearly, I have a big crush on (how’s that for a ‘FULL NAME’?!)
31. Sara Quin’s jaw
32. that one barista at the coffee shop
33. Katy Perry
34. Michelle Bachmann (duh)
* It took me three years to remember how to spell Moennig myself though, so.
The third baseman turned out to be a jerk, guys :(
Now we need an update on the witty first date.
I had the same thought! It’s like we’re twins. Except you’re the funny smart one everybody likes, and we don’t look anything alike.
no, no, it’s a sentence: Dianna Arton, fuck me with a strap-on!
alternatively
fuck me with a strap-on, PORTIA DE ROSSIE!
also, how does anyone one this website manage to get “Evan Rachel Wood” wrong?!?!?!?!
*Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual
Get it right yourself before you correct others :P
both of us forgot to put it in fucking ALL CAPS
EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL
We did, I feel like such a hypocrite now :(
RACHEL EVAN WOOD SEXUALBI
RE: #8…HAHAHAHAHAHA!
You’d think that would get old, but no.
Just LOLing at my desk at work, NBD.
“The 2013 Autostraddle Calendar girl who, in the teaser video, identifies as “a really big lesbian” and a “b-o-i boi lesbian”, whose name and designated calendar month has, to my knowledge, not yet been revealed and who, clearly, I have a big crush on (how’s that for a ‘FULL NAME’?!)”
that’s KP, you guys!!! She’s really great!
this was my favorite answer
What I want to know is how many trolls voted for Taylor Swift.
16. That half-asian fox in the shark cabin
I’m predicting The Sharks make a clean sweep of the Hot 100.
Yep.
Allll 100 spots.
The “most attractive cabin” title took them FAAAARRR.
“so you think you’re a shark…”
26. Jonathan Groff
I chuckled, best answer!
Lololol I love Autrostraddlers… Fucking the rules, one day at a time
y’all are a bunch of weirdos. i love you.
#23 i’m on your side.
yes! rules be damned; willow’s real in my heart.
This x1,000,000^100,000,000
Fun fact: I mistyped Croce’s name while telling one of my friends how hot she was. Now she is forever known to me as Crochet. Sexual Crochet, apparently.
i think that’s how you’re supposed to pronounce it in her bedroom.
Sexual Crochet – that would be when you make tea cozies for your dildos?
tea cozy dildo covers with DREADS!
Oh kids. You think tea cozies for you sex toys are a joke. But I am wicked talented with yarn. :)
grrrrl, you and me both!
I just can’t stop thinking of the way those silicone toys attract every single piece of dust and debris and how gross cleaning yarn off them would be.
Depends on the yarn, actually. Some acrylics are very nice for not shedding on stuff the way natural fibers are. :)
This list is hilarious…but it was the graphic at the top that had me laughing the hardest. Now I’m wondering how many variations of Hot Intern/Editor Laura Wooley needed to be replaced!
that took a while
I love everyone in this bar.
Oh my gosh, this list is the best. Hahaha. Sara Quin’s jaw and all of the vague “that one hot girl” submissions are my favorites.
this is amazing.
amelia earhart, whatt.
that was my favorite. to be fair, she was totally hot, and pings
i may have a not-so-secret crush on amelia earhart
Me too
that was totally my favorite too.
“Amelia Earhart hot” is an actual suggestion on Google, so.
Y’all, Amelia’s hands were as big as mine. There is a little chart at her museum, and of course I had to measure. And I have HUGE hands. Like, I’m the woman every dumb redneck makes the “well hung lesbian” joke about at the bar. So by default, I feel like it would be a shame if she wasn’t one of us. That’s just talent put to waste.
we should measure
I would win. Honestly, it was my main source of personal embarrassment (and believe me, there were/still are many) until I…. realized that it was more of a blessing than a curse.
Ze middle finger of my left hand is one and one half post-it notes long. The right is slightly longer.
What? It’s early, I’m baked, and the ruler is in my desk.
If Amelia Earhart won the Hot 100 I would be so, so happy.
Totally read that in the voice of Craig from South Park.
Well, Amelia did hang with Eleanor Roosevelt.
aviatrix
Oh Xena. She’s the warrior princess of my HEART. Also, I have such a huge history crush on Joan of Arc and Amelia Earhart that I’ve convinced myself they’re just reincarnated versions of the same person.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has a history crush on Joan of Arc. Also, Greek mythology crush on Athena…
YES THIS. Athena….
Joan of Arc is on a medallion which I wear around my neck at all times. She was my confirmation saint.
I’m SO glad other people feel this way about Joan of Arc, I can’t help but smile like a goober in public right now. And yes, 100% to Athena as well!
Yesss, Joan of Arc ♥ No, it has nothing to do with the fact that she dressed like a man in order to fuck the patriarchy, no no.
Ok, ok. Breaking lurker silence to set the record straight (or not so straight). I wrote number #16 referring to the shark counsellor Emily Choo, but only afterwards realized that it could be interpreted as being about myself. I didn’t vote for myself you guys. Just putting that out there.
this is the cutest/best
I totally thought that was about you!
Maybe you both voted for each other, using the exact same description.
I don’t think “fuck me with a strap-on” is a person. That being said, I’m pretty sure I know who might have said it.
And yes, the Chistrads who went to A camp now say this constantly.
How I wish more women would!
Plenty of women say it to me, both seriously and jokingly…hahahahaha.
Is anybody else thinking there should be an Autostraddle Hot 100 Queer Women, no rules edition?
I vote google search for all of the no rules submissions.
so, I don’t know if this is a german google thing or
but this is apparently 13.
Sara Quin’s jaw isn’t a legitimate response?
Damn.
I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks that The Internet is queer, female-identified and sexy
I vote for the internet to win. We wouldn’t have this if it weren’t for this sexy, sexy beast: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mafimBTMTmY
hahaha number nine!
and really did no one vote for Beth? she deserves an honorable mention, or her own special catagory.
yes ppl voted for beth but you know i felt like it was too ‘personality cult’ish
The best part about ‘hat Hot Genderqueer Barista is that she’s usually best friends with fuck me with a strap-on.
oh come on, guys. COURTNEY TROUBLE IS THE HOTTEST OF THE HOT.
seconded!!! she best be on there
I think Sara Quin’s jaw and Willow could be definite contenders.
Ok I have to Google Kate Moennig every time I write out her name to make sure I’m spelling it right, just sayin’
K[ate] MOANing *winks at subliminal wordplay and smiles*
I seriously considered voting for Shiloh as well, but last I read she was going by Ben, I think, and also she’s never spoken out about whether she’s queer-identified.
I guess I never really learned how to break rules.
More importantly: how many votes did Finn Hudson get? Or has that joke passed?
Aw, I was going to vote for Finn, but changed my mind…
Next year, the Hot 100 should only alow fictional people and inanimate things and vague references and weird shit.
Yes, my personal fave. http://www.autostraddle.com/the-autostraddle-hot-100-smokin-sizzlin-great-balls-of-fire/
Yes! This was my favorite year.
This forever!
Can we have an InfoGraphic explaining visually the Autostraddle-Hot-100? Pleeeeeeeease
I want to make sure I’ll really understand the point
Wilowwwww!
#13!!! after the one whole foods moved I haven’t seen her since. I definitely second that vote
How did Clea DuVall not make this list?
Or Hanna Hart?
… I’m so disappointed.
You guys, Jonathan Groff is totally my favourite lesbian!
#30 is totally mine!
I probably shouldn’t have admitted to that with such excitement and pride, but when I first saw it, I definitely felt nothing but excitement and pride – my head was like “O-M-G I made the list!”
All ranked by members of MENSA, I see.