Welcome to Idol Worship, a biweekly devotional to whoever the fuck I’m into. This is a no-holds-barred lovefest for my favorite celebrities, rebels and biker chicks; women qualify for this column simply by changing my life and/or moving me deeply. This week, we’re gonna recap my year with some good old-fashioned SHOPPING.
Header by Rory Midhani
It’s been a little over a year now since I started pouring unsolicited praise upon various celebrities and figureheads while simultaneously oversharing information about my own life and asking vapid and uninteresting questions. Just kidding! It’s been a little over a year now since I changed the world with my short, sweet celebrity interviews and personal essays as part of Idol Worship, and I’m excited for the famous folks who will come into my life the interviews I’ll be sharing with y’all in the next twelve months as we turn this corner.
As an avid Idol Worshipper, I take great care to learn more about the people who inspire me while simultaneously avoiding the wrath of God, who is surely angry about my blasphemous column and encouragement for fellow idolatrists to indulge in gushing about their favorite important person endlessly to people who don’t really care but sometimes relate in strange and unique ways. If you’ve ever read my devotionals and wanted to become hopelessly devoted, or if you’ve ever been all, oh my god! Carmen is like, as obsessed with Eileen Myles as my mom is, I’m here to help.
Without further ado, the Idol Worship Gift Guide. For this year, at least.
Eileen Myles
There are never enough opportunities to tell you to shut the fuck up and read an Eileen Myles book already.
Snowflake / different streets // Skies // Sorry, Tree // Inferno // Chelsea Girls // Cool for You
Edie Sedgwick (And Andy Warhol)
If you love Edie, you love the entire factory. And if you’re me, it’s because you relate to her and Andy Warhol in a way which challenges you not to introduce yourself as their love child.
Edie: An American Girl // Factory Made: Warhol and the Sixties // Factory Girl DVD //Edie, Factory Girl // Edie by Andy Warhol Photo Print // The Philosophy of Andy Warhol //Art of Andy Warhol 2014 Wall Calendar // Andy Warhol Portraits
Frida Kahlo
I’d like to paint Frida Kahlo’s body over my own body and just walk around like, “Hey, I’m Frida Kahlo, don’t you just wish you had one ounce of my strength you motherfuckers?”
Socksmith Frida Knee-High Socks // Dod Frida Sculpture // The Diary of Frida Kahlo: An Intimate Self-Portrait // Frida Kahlo Paper Dolls // Frida Kahlo Tank Top
Madonna
Chances are the Madonna enthusiast in your life already illegally pirated her entire discography. (I’m not naming names.) So think bigger, better, and sexier than a CD.
Celebration CD Set // Vintage Screen Print Tee // Free Spirit Eggshell Junior Shirt // Sex //Madonna: The MDNA Tour on Blu-Ray
Quvenzhané Wallis
If you get into her now, you get to say you were into her “before she got big.”
Signed Covers and Photos // Beasts of the Southern Wild
Bettie Page
For her inner pin-up girl.
Wanna Ride? Retro Sign //Bettie Page Playing Cards // Bettie Page Pint Glass Set // Photo Shower Curtain
Iris Apfel
I have an obsession with fabulous older women. I like to think I’m not alone.
Rare Bird of Fashion: The Irreverent Iris Apfel // Advanced Style // Iris Apfel for MAC collection
The Coquette
If you have a friend who is getting married, to a man (it happens), I highly advise they be required to read Notes to My Future Husband first. What better way to plant it in their hands than disguising it as an innocent gift? May the ass-kicking begin.
Janis Joplin
SO COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, AND TAKE IT, TAKE ANOTHA LITTLE PIECE OF MY HEART NOW BABY
Love, Janis // Janis Joplin’s Greatest Hits // Pearl on Vinyl
Zelda Fitzgerald
We could all use a life lesson or two from the flappers.
Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald // Zelda Fitzgerald’s Collected Writings // “Nobody Has Ever Measured” Tee // An Illustrated Life: The Private World of Zelda Fitzgerald //Dear Scott, Dearest Zelda: The Love Letters of F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald
Julie & Brandy
A subscription to Tello is all that can satiate someone trying to fantasize about Julie and Brandy being a couple. Pretending to be one, I mean. Or for people looking for their shady advice. Either way. You do you.
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Those Frida socks! I can’t even. I’m so sad that they aren’t available from British Amazon.
Also, it’s only when I venture out to other websites and see a load of men and articles and shit about/for them that I remember how amazing Autostraddle is. Thanks for all the girl on girl stuff; never change!
There are tons of other Frida Kahlo socks, never you fear! I got some Frida ankle socks for Christmas and they are perfect for any occasion that requires a creative and cultivated badass attitude!
For those of you who love the idea of Frida Kahlo socks (I mean who wouldn’t) I can also recommend these:
I have the purple ones and they’re great!
Amazing, thanks! Powerful women on socks will be my christmas gift theme this year!
Golden Girls entire series is the perfect gift no matter what the occasion! The fact that it comes in box that looks like Sofia’s purse is just the icing on the cake.
I want one of everything… oh Santa…
“Chances are the Madonna enthusiast in your life already illegally pirated her entire discography.”
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
I was trying and failing to come up with a Christmas list that was more than just grocery store gift cards and amazon wasnt helpful so I came here and I was–unsurprisingly–not disappointed.
I want that Frida figurine for an altar of my personal queer saints.
Omg the Frida Kahlo tank top!!! Rock the unibrow all day every day!
Also that Bettie Page shower curtain is amazing.
All I want is that tank top, but I have fat arms :(
The Frida one*
hush grrrrl, get that tank top and ROCK THOSE ARMS.
I want those Frida socks!
Every time I see a picture of Amelia Earheart I think of that line in a Family Guy Song, “Amelia Earheart flew a lot of airplanes, expect for that time when she didn’t come back”.
Frida socks went straight to my Wish list
I love the Coquette! Also, I did not realize how much I need Frida Kahlo socks in my life until this very moment.
What about Rose of Versilles, both box sets or Utena. Both are great series with leading ladies who say “SCREW GENDER ROLES!” and lead awesome lives!
I had the book “Amelia and Eleanor Go for a Ride” when I was younger and I’m pretty sure that inspired multiple school projects about these two ladies…Amelia Earhart is a badass.
ahh i would desperately love for someone to shut the fuck up and buy me an Eileen Myles book already.
Do I remember seeing Maddow soap last year, or was that a dream?