Hey TV lovers, it’s us! Ya know… Autostraddle. Carlytron returned from her big vaycay this week and was a little behind at work and was unable to produce the whole kit and kaboodle herself, so we’ve got another team effort here, along with Carly’s own summarized Glee re-cap.
Things have been super busy for us lately — working on exciting new stuff! — but we haven’t forgotten you! We’ve missed you. Did you miss you us? Well, just like Cougar Town resuming production, we’ve come back to you! And even though Flash Forward recently halted production, the network insists it won’t leave you either. See? The future is bright!
Back to your regularly scheduled programming…
The Team Autostraddle Television Awards for the Week Ending 11/28/09!
Hey That’s Haviland on my Teevee Award – Eastwick
Episode 109 – Paint & Pleasure
This week we all watched Eastwick for the first time because Autostraddle’s BFF out lez actress Haviland Stillwell was in it! Eastwick is about a group of Suburban women who gain witch powers after being left by their husbands, based on the movie Witches of Eastwick starring Cher, Michelle Pfeiffer and Susan Sarandon, which was based on a novel by John Updike, one of America’s greatest most prolific writers who died in January. At this point I don’t think the on-screen versions have much to do with the book anymore.
For us the viewing audience we also discovered that secretly all this time, Eastwick has been storing away some of our favorite hot ladies; like Cherie Jaffe (Patricia Arquette) and Sara Rue, as well as Lindsay Price who you may remember as Steve Sanders’ girlfriend on Beverly Hills 90210.
So, Mystique painted a bunch of crap paintings because she really let herself go and express herself, and this dude got her an art show b/c he liked her work. And then the dude bought all of Mystique’s art to impress Cherie Jaffe, and it works. I think Cherie was just trying to get over Shane and would’ve seduced Kat later, or Haviland. Except Haviland isn’t into Shane. Anyhoo!
So that’s how we get to the art show where Haviland is canoodling with Kat’s ex-husband on the balcony and Kat has a panic attack which causes little mini-tornado but Haviland survives and was like, “whatever, my hair looks even better now b/c of the wind, Bumble & Bumble can’t even put this shit in a bottle.”
Luckily Haviland is rescued by her date b/c Haviland is little and he has strong man-arms! Look at this foxy cast ‘o characters!
Unfortunately Eastwick has not been picked up for the full season … which is confusing, b/c excluding Lost premieres and finales, Eastwick‘s premiere pulled in ABC’s highest viewers and young adult numbers in the time period with regular programming sine 2007, and it still continues to beat Jay Leno. If you want to Save Eastwick, check out Save Eastwick on facebook and sign the Save Eastwick Petition.
I interviewed Haviland about her experience on set via BBM, she said “I loved working with the cast and director and everyone involved to create the scene! It was very collaborative and fun and quick. Exhilarating.” Also she’s sick right now with swine flu or swamp fever or something, so she could just be talking crazy.
Gayest Moment of the Week Award – Stargate Universe
Episode 109 – Life
(by Intern Daphne)
Hey there Friendos, it’s your Belgian SciFi geek again. You saw last week’s episode of Stargate Universe? Yes? No? I hope so, because you really should. Since this is the first time we’re discussing this show, I’ll give you a super brief “what’s it about”. Stargate Universe is about a bunch of people (soldiers, scientists, a hot daughter of a senator…) stranded on an ancient spaceship, trying to find a way to get home. However, they have a device that allows them to switch bodies with whomever, wherever, so they can still visit their loved ones, but just in another body. Got that? Ok, let’s move on then.
This episode starts with everybody doing push-ups and jogging around the ship. I don’t think they should burn precious calories and energy running around like it’s a high school gym class. Anyway. Guess what they find while exploring the huge ship? Yes! A device that may get them back to Earth. The big discussion is whether or not to try it. (They find something that might get them home almost every episode.) Besides Colonel Young wanting everybody to get a psych evaluation and Lt. Scott finding out he has a son, nothing exciting happened in the rest of the episode… Except the part where two girls started kissing on my screen!
It’s IOA member Camile Wray’s turn to use the communication stones. She gets transferred into the body of a soldier on earth. Obviously Camile goes visiting her girlfriend, and thank god the directors let Ming-Na (who plays Camile) do that acting instead of the soldier whose body Camile is in. OMG you guys, when Camile stands at her doorstep and her gf is confused and she doesn’t know if it’s really Camile, Camile says “Have you thrown away that ugly chair yet?” in Chinese, and they fall into each other’s arms. Such a beautiful moment.
Camile and her girlfriend have a wonderful night, cooking, eating, snuggling, talking in Chinese or whatever, making jokes about the chair. There is a dark side about it all though, as you can notice. You just feel the sadness through the haze of happiness.
Only thing I don’t really get: they make love, but Camile is actually in the body of another woman… Isn’t that confusing for the girlfriend? When Camile and her gf have to say goodbye, their goodbye is devastating.
Girlfriend: “Wuo ai ni.”
Camile: “I love you too.”
And the girlfriend burst out in tears. Last thing we see Camile do on earth is tell her parents she is fine, though she can not tell them it’s really her.
What I liked about this episode, apart from the awesomeness of Stargates, is that it portrays a high-ranking gay woman. The fact that it’s possible, and it’s ok to be gay. Because you know, it is.
I’m Trying To Bite My Tongue And Not Give It a Snarky Award Because I Still Love It – Glee
Episodes 110 – Ballad & 111 – Hairography
Both of these episodes were sub-par but at least the plot moved a bit. I watched them both back to back and actually can’t tell them apart in my mind right now necessarily; they sorta felt like one giant episode.
The overall theme was DISTRACTION. Write that down, I don’t know if it’ll come across too clearly in the episodes (JK they use the word “distraction” at least 35 times all told). Everyone is too distracted by something to realize what’s really going on. Yeah that sounds about right.
There was way too little Lynch and Emma, so Kurt had to hold up most of the awesome during these episodes with bon mots like these:
“I mean he’s cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows.” (re: Brittney)
“A makeover is like crack for me.”
“Your room looks like where Holly Hobby and Strawberry Shortcake go to make out.” (re: Rachel’s room)
Basically here’s what you need to know: the writing is still not very good, things are still a little dumb, and they keep exploiting and/or stereotyping every possible minority group under the sun.
Rachel falls in love with Will when he sings to her (like, immediately) then she cleans his house and is only finally dissuaded from pursuing him further when an older student tells her to give up the ghost; Kurt gets close to Finn and actually professes his love for him except Finn thinks it’s a song title and misses the boat entirely; everyone sings a million songs; Quinn decides to keep the baby and entertains the notion of letting Puck help raise it; Quinn realizes that Puck is a manwhore and decides to give the baby to Terri; Terri’s sister continues to be a complete disaster of a human being; the Lynch sells the Glee club’s secrets to their two competitors; EVE PLAYS A RIVAL GLEE DIRECTOR OMG I LOVE EVE SO BAD; deaf kids sing a song and my reaction was “oh no they di-in’t!” because in an earlier scene they were clearly making fun of the hearing impaired and the whole thing was just completely exploitative; Kurt gives Rachel a makeover which backfires because he sabotaged her because he is a SNEAKY GAY SCHEMER; Finn tells his mom that he got Quinn pregnant and then — under Kurt’s guidance — tells Quinn’s parents the same (via song) so they kick her out and she goes to live with Finn’s family; WILL STILL DOES NOT KNOW THAT TERRI IS NOT REALLY PREGNANT OH MY GOD.
Anyway, that’s what happened.
Second Gayest Moment of the Week Award – American Music Awards
You Can’t Do That on Television! Obviously the gayest moment of the week happened off-camera this week: the ABC guy who we’re imagining literally thrust his entire torso onto the control board in reaction to Adam Lambert stuffing a male dancer’s head in his crotch. The result? The gesture was muted. Yes, muted. As in, there was no sound. That’s amazing. It makes just about as much sense as canceling Lambert’s appearance on Good Morning America the next day although Chris Brown, a convicted beater of women, will be guesting on the show next week. HEY ABC REMEMBER WHEN YOU CANCELED MY SO-CALLED LIFE? I h8 u.
Great Outdoors Award – Parks and Recreation
Episode 210 – Hunting Trip
I laughed more at this show than anything else I watched this week. Season 2 is so so so much better!
So every fall, Ron Swanson takes the men in the office on a hunting trip. When Leslie finds out, she lobbies to get everyone else on the trip, too. Ron has to give in because it’s a department-sponsored trip. So everyone treks up to the woods and many discussion about gender ensue.
After some pantsing antics, someone accidentally shoots Ron in the head, and Leslie ends up taking the blame. The best part is when the park ranger interviews Leslie. He’s super sexist, and she responds with sexist cliches so he buys her story. I imagine they left the camera running while Amy Poehler came up with as many lines as she could think of (i.e. a lot), and then used the funny ones (i.e. probs all of them).
April and Andy got some quality time together back at the office, which led to a lot of neck hickies. Grossers.
Next: Hot Almost-Naked Aliens on V, Grey’s Anatomy Special Comment, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, and a hot girl of the week from Modern Family!
Hot Almost-Naked Alien Award – V
Episode 103 – A Bright New Day
(by Intern Daphne)
Erica’s cop partner George, who is a Visitor, apparently didn’t get killed in the attack in the warehouse. He’s in the spaceship. When they try to get his memory back, he remembers who killed him and wants revenge. That means he wants to kill Erica. But no worries, the good guys have inside men aboard the spaceship. And coincidentally, George’s doctor is a good guy. And that means: bye-bye George.
Also, in the world where there are Aliens, media is a powerful thing. The wife of a pilot who died in the defense operation when the spaceship first got to New York gets her face pixilated on the TV, and does the whole drama thing about how she doesn’t like the Visitors and why they are bad and such. Ana realizes the truth of this because she is an Evil Alien Genius, so she decides to do something about it. She goes to talk to this woman, off the record. Would it surprise you that all of a sudden, the woman’s opinion makes a 180 and now she totally loves the V’s?
Meanwhile, they want to stop an anti-V terrorist who isn’t really an anti-V terrorist, just a setup. Each FBI agent gets teamed-up with a V and they all try to stop the sniper. Guess who catches the bad guy? Yes, Hero Cop Erica. She doesn’t like to protect the aliens, but it’s part of her plan. Good thing is, she found out that there is a secret camera hidden in the jackets the Visitors wear.
Remember Erica’s son Tyler who has the hots for that spacegirl? Well, Lisa the spacegirl gets a visa, so they meet and hook up. They are passionately kissing (Come on guy, it’s an alien you’re kissing. Eww!) in Tyler’s room when Erica gets home. Tyler tries to hide Lisa but doesn’t succeed. Lisa, the genius alien, understands that Tyler’s mom can’t see her uniform and find out she is a Visitor, so basically she strips and hides her clothes. I like this kind of smart-assness. But HEY WHAT? You guys, right at the end, they reveal that hot spacegirl Lisa is Ana’s daughter. Lisa is hot, but I wouldn’t want Ana as a mother-in-law even if I were into aliens.
Special Comment: Grey’s Anatomy
Episode 610 – New History
(by Intern Emily)
Wow! This was a bit of a strange episode. It went from Thanksgiving to New Years Eve which I guess means that in Grey’s Anatomy land it’s 2010 already. Anyway, in this episode we find out that Mark has an 18 year old daughter! She comes to stay with him & Lexi, and Lexi cuts her finger off accidentally. Mark wants his daughter to leave, but then she tells him she’s pregnant and has nowhere to go. Meredith gets private lessons from the Chief and eventually she convinces him to apologize to Derek. At the end of the episode she sees him drunk at the bar, even though earlier he had promised he would stop drinking. Bailey’s dad visits her and finds out that she got a divorce and didn’t tell him. He watches her perform surgery tells her he’s ashamed of her, (I’m not sure I really get this part?) and makes Christmas dinner kind of awkward.
Callie and Arizona aren’t in this episode much, but THEY DID KISS! I watched it twice.
Worst Roommate Ever Award – 30 Rock
Episode 406 – Sun Tea
(by Intern Rachel)
Liz is screwed over by the Machiavellian monster that is Manhattan real estate, and ends up having to try to drive the gay cop who lives above her out of the building so she can have her Dream Apartment With Working Fireplace That Smells Like Both Burger King and Cinnabon.
Although – and maybe this is just because I’m still in college and still live with roommates – I didn’t really get why making him leave was so important? To me, a person who will still be friends with me after I’ve yelled that they remind me of my father and that I’m going to put on a wedding dress and jump in front of the subway is perhaps my ideal living companion?
Whatever, Dotcom was the best part of this episode anyways. “I’m gonna be coming over here all the time, getting jealous, and takin’ stuff out of context!” ALSO the guy with the ironic trucker hats whose name I can never remember pees in jars. This saves the Earth. THE END.
Best Guest Stars Award – Modern Family
Are you watching Modern Family yet? Because if you aren’t there is something wrong with you. Not only does my future wife Sofia Vergara play one of the funniest characters on the show but every time I watch it I am both overcome by laughter and being on the verge of tears; the show is always so touching! This week the best guest stars EVER joined the family on the screen including our Hot Girl of the Week Elizabeth Banks and the ever amazing Ed Norton who, by the way, played the best ex-bassist-of-a-bad-80s-rock-band ever. This episode basically involved Phil giving his wife Claire amazing gifts for their anniversary and Claire giving Phil the worst (see Ed Norton’s character singing off key to Phil in their living room). I won’t spoil the rest for you, because honestly you just have to watch it.
Hot Girl of the Week Award – Elizabeth Banks
What makes Elizabeth Banks so hot? For starters, she graduated magna cum laude from an Ivy League school, and smart = sexy. Then there’s the subtle provocativeness underlying her pretty “All-American” looks. It’s obvious why she gets cast as the main love interest often. (She was so convincing in Zack and Miri Make a Porno, her attraction to Seth Rogen actually seemed plausible!) She’s great at playing the sweetheart, but the best thing about Elizabeth Banks is that she’s great at playing anything. (Hell, she even made Laura Bush seem kinda likable!)
Oh, and she’s also HILARIOUS, as evidenced on Modern Family. She plays Mitchell and Cameron’s brash, melodramatic drinking buddy (definitely not her “girl next door” role). As soon as her character Sal appears, she enthusiastically shows off her new boob job (and I’m jealous of Mitchell because he touches them). Sal is all sorts of wild and fun… and also batshit crazy. She’s jealous of baby Lily and wants to go to Cabo — RIGHT NOW. She’s so over the top, and it’s ridiculously funny. Beauty, intelligence, sense of humor… Sounds like the perfect girl to me!
(Scuba) Suit Up Award – How I Met Your Mother
Episode 509 – The Playbook
(by Intern Emily)
After their recent breakup, Barney and Robin have different methods of coping. Robin focuses on her career while Barney brings out his “Playbook” — a bunch of tricks to seduce women.
Lily is upset when one Barney uses one of the tricks to sleep with a woman who was supposed to be on a date with Ted and steals the Playbook, which is when Barney gets in a scuba suit and goes to the bar.
Back to present time, the gang is sitting at Mclaren’s with the blonde chick whose name is Claire wondering about Barney’s suit. When they sit with him he admits he was just having a hard time dealing with his breakup with Robin and sleeping around was how he dealt with it.
The gang then all say that Barney is actually a great guy and that Claire should go have coffee with him, and she does. Fooled! “The Scuba Diver” was part of the con. Barney wins.
So You Think You Can Dance: (by Intern Lola) Meh. I’m not really into it. I think I want Mollee (blergh, why couldn’t her parents just stick with “Molly”?) to win, just because she has the best music. (Lady Gaga! Ida Corr! La Roux!) Also ’cause she was in High School Musical, which is pretty rad. It doesn’t seem like she’ll be around much longer though, so whatevs.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: (by Carlytron) The last two episodes have been so funny. I feel like it’s one of the funniest shows on TV that will never get recognized for it because if there’s one thing that scares America more than gay people it’s The Gang. Charlie tries to help Dee get a cat out of her wall by bringing in like 30 more cats and Mac and Dennis break up because they are like an old married couple; Dennis explains the D.E.N.N.I.S. system for getting girls to fall in love with him; Danny DeVito continues to make me LOL like a crazy person.
The Office: (by Sarah Palmer) This episode was all about the
fallout from Dunder-Mifflin’s bankruptcy announcement. Michael gets asked to appear at a shareholder’s meeting, which of course puffs up his ego. Predictably, he speaks when isn’t supposed to and gets the shareholder’s excited about false promises. Meanwhile, Oscar wrestles with his desire to tell off the board of directors, and Jim deals with Ryan’s attitude. To be honest, this episode wasn’t too funny. But I think it’s setting up some interesting stuff for the future.
Community: (by Intern Lola) OMG, Señor Chang (the malicious Spanish teacher) has feelings — who knew! After crying a lot over his wife having left him, he ends up winning her back. It sounds sweet… but no, he’s still a crazy dictator. While Jeff managed to be pretty endearing, the episode didn’t focus enough on the rest of the study group. More Britta! More Abed! (OK, Abed & Troy’s “Somewhere Out There” duet almost made up for it.)