Glee Episode #414: I Do Wish Santana and Quinn Had Kissed For Real

Elsewhere in this lofty monument to the good work of Jesus Christ Our Lord And Savior (JK, I’m Jewish), Artie tracks down Emma’s Niece With The Nice Rack, only to discover that it’s that girl from The Glee Project who’s dating Dani Shay!

this girl!

this girl!

Also she hates Artie because even though she’s in a wheelchair, she “doesn’t date losers in chairs.”

Emma’s Bitchy Niece With The Nice Rack: “Yeah, I’m also blonde, captain of the cheerleaders at my high school, and I’ve got this going on.” [massages her breasts “Mama Who Bore Me” style]


and basically dani just rubs me right here for about 30 minutes and that’s pretty much all i need to get a good night’s sleep

Also, New Puck got flowers for Marley-Kate ’cause Ryder Bieber-Strong told New Puck what flowers to get.

hey dude remind me really fast what this chick's name is

hey dude remind me really fast what this chick’s name is

Out in the cold tundra of the church parking lot, somebody’s getting their nuts cracked in the backseat of a sexy, fuel-efficient Toyota Prius and that somebody is… Kurt Hummel!

ok, now you be brian and i be justin

ok, now you be brian and i be justin

Kurt notes that he would’ve brought a change of clothing if he’d known he’d be getting groped in the back of a Prius. Right. His other tuxedo. Kurt then notes that he’s kinda dating somebody in New York, which’s Blaine’s cue to pop up into screen and insist that Kurt’s “fey boy-tie” is his Kryptonite, which’s adorable.

Blaine: “This is just bros helping bros.”
Kurt: “I love it when you talk fratty.”

This is how bros help bros? I always thought it involved like making each other burritos or carrying couches up staircases. Huh.

...have buttsex

…have buttsex

I found this so cute and sexy because — for any of you here born after AOL stopped charging $2.95 an hour — this is totally groundbreaking shit. You never see gay boys being sexual on network television. In fact, there’s this whole show called Modern Family about these two gay guys who spend every episode undermining each other if not outright scheming and/or passive-aggressively derailing each other to satisfy their own various selfish ends or comfort their own complicated egos and everybody acts like it’s really groundbreaking but it’s actually just really annoying! Anyhow. I loved this scene.

There’s a rap at the door and Kurt’s like, “Tell me that’s not Tina again!” I’ll tell you: it’s not Tina again.

oh hey thanks you can just leave the pizza in the front seat and there should be enough cash there.

oh hey thanks you can just leave the pizza in the front seat and there should be enough cash there.

It’s Mercedes, now spotting bangs, a bangin’ pink dress, and a dead wolf that likely became dead following a little bang-bang-bang.

bitches i'm just here for my solo

bitches i’m just here for my solo

Backstage at the WEDDING!!!!, Emma’s freaking out all by herself, seemingly possessing no friends, family members or even concerned acquaintances. Then Sue waltzes in wearing a precise replica of Emma’s WEDDING!!!! dress and plops down to nosh on some appetizers while Emma says “worried” and “overwhelmed” a lot.

mmmmm i'm gonna explode if i can't do the limbo rock right now

mmmmm i’m gonna explode if i can’t do the limbo rock right now!!!

Emma’s worried this thing isn’t “gonna work.”

Sue: “Well, of course it isn’t going to work. You’re a weird bird-lady with a hollow pelvis and OCD, and Will Schuester is a weepy man-child whose greatest joy in life is singing with children and his best friend is 19.”
Emma: “It’s just the last time was such a disaster, you know I turned into somebody that I didn’t even recognize. If I’m wrong again, I won’t survive.”
Sue: “Well, don’t say that to Will Schuester. he’ll have you singing a stripped-down acoustic version of “I Will Survive” in front of a choir room full of teenagers with meaningful looks on their faces.”


just practice with your fingers and soon enough you'll be ready for the real thing

just practice with your fingers and soon enough you’ll be ready for the real thing

Emma claims there’s no air in there, and before we can check the air pressure, we jarringly sweep back into the church for Matthew Morrison to launch into Stephen Sondheim’s “Getting Married Today,” which’s when I first notice that Emma’s side of the wedding party is well-stocked and Will’s is… just Finn?

"make a face like you're about to be attacked by a very very small bunny rabbit"

“make a face like you’re about to be attacked by a very very small bunny rabbit”

Jayma Mays gamely conquers a series of difficult solos in which she reveals she’s not getting married today, because, I think, Ryan Murphy wanted to use this song in this episode so somebody had to not get married. Mercedes unleashes a triumphant soprano and everybody makes weird singing faces.

cylons on the radar!!!!

vagisil set my vagina on fire!

dude, whip-its are awwwweeeesomeeeee

dude, whip-its are awwwweeeesomeeeee


i can’t really think of a good caption for this one but i wanted to use a picture of mercedes anyway so here it is


“how do you feel about buttsex?”


have you ever tried going to a wedding… ON WEED??!!!

put your lips like this and then you won't accidentally bite anything if you know what i'm saying

put your lips like this and then you won’t accidentally bite anything if you know what i’m saying

As the music ambles competently forward, Emma pulls a Daphne/Shane McGutcheon/Grace Adler/Rachel Green/Whitley/Mr.Big/Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride and busts that pop stand.

nobody told me there was a bidet in the back of this taxi cab

nobody told me there was a bidet in the back of this taxi cab

Reader, permission to speak freely? Oh G-d I hate the Runaway Bride/Groom trope, unless said Runaway Bride/Groom is fleeing a total douchebag. Firstly, this RARELY happens in real life and it ALWAYS happens on television. Why? Because it’s really fucking expensive and also really mean to friends/family who traveled for your situation and bought dresses they didn’t like to be in your wedding party. At least nobody asked the room to speak now or forever hold their peace, then I really would’ve died, ’cause that’s high on my list of Irritatingly Unrealistic Film Tropes.

why does our sister look like that super-tall lesbian who hosted that one thing that one time

ugh we totally could’ve gone to that nickleback concert if we’d known this shit was gonna get cancelled

Sue breaks it to Will that Emma flew the coop and my little heart breaks and I use one of the shards to stab Finn in the neckhole.

finn just realized he forgot to pause his game of "the sims" before leaving the house

it was at that moment that finn realized he’d forgotten to wear deodorant

We cut to a few moments, minutes, seconds or possibly even many moments, minutes or seconds later, when Mr. Shue’s having a heart-to-heart with his only friend, Finn Hudson.

hey uh so are you familiar with the phrase "we're just bros helping bros" because uh, i have a way to maybe turn this day around for all of us

hey uh will dude, bro, so are you familiar with the phrase “we’re just bros helping bros” because uh, i have a way to maybe turn this day around for all of us

Will laments his mistakes, such as “not helping with WEDDING!!!! planning” or “not noting his fiancee’s very real and complicated personality disorder was slowly consuming her brainskull, therefore leaving her in a state of disarray in which one’s romantic partner might be expected to offer some reassuring words or perhaps draw her a bath, ideally a bubble bath, ideally with Lysol.” Will wonders if maybe there was “someone else” and Finn sits there like he’s got an entire cafeteria’s worth of tater tots up his ass.

Then Santana Lopez shows up to tell the manchildren that Emma’s family would like the pre-paid party to proceed as planned.

hey it's okay guys, at least quinn didn't get t-boned by a monster truck

hey it’s okay guys, at least quinn didn’t get t-boned by a monster truck this time

Mr. Schuester says some sad-sack thing and runs off to find Emma.

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3223 articles for us.


  1. Grace wasn’t fucking with you, I swear. But doesn’t it seem like she was?

    Also, what was with Artie and not bitchy girl in bed, where one was like “was it good for you?” “I don’t know, was it good for you?” “I don’t know.” Was that a disabled joke, because I think it was, and it wasn’t funny.

    but let’s just watch Quinn and Santana wearing nothing but sheets, that makes me feel better.

    • Especially when Artie made it a really big deal in Season One that he still had full function of his penis.

    • I actually didn’t find that joke to be bad. People are allowed to make sarcastic comments about their situations am I right? especially since the two in this scene happen to experience that disability themselves- it’s not like so able bodied person said it mockingly. Humor helps take the pain of their condition away, I don’t see what’s wrong about it.

      • It mostly bothers me because I know who wrote it and it clearly wasn’t that thoughtful. Also, Artie made it clear that everything works down there for him so it also doesn’t make sense. And two people without function of their bits aren’t going to really be able to have sex in a traditional fashion, so the joke also doesn’t make sense? At all?

        • I thought Artie made it clear to Tina in season 1 that he “still had the full use of his penis” or something like that.

          • Riese do you comment on AVClub? Are my two worlds overlapping?!

            I’m the person in the comments section who said, well, basically what I said here. I was on the wagon for a year, Glee keeps pulling me back in!

          • That makes more sense. It’s possible, I guess. I just didn’t think it was all that funny and I do love me some disgustingly morbid humor.

          • And now I see someone had already mentioned that. I guess that’s what happens when I comment at 5 am…

            And I also see I completely forgot Glee’s tenuous relationship with continuity.

  2. I really enjoy this episode, and sweeps week in general, because I am absolutely shameless when it comes to gays on tv (as long as they aren’t murdered, are murderers, etc). Yes, the whole Quinntana thing will only be mentioned once, maybe, five episodes from now, but I don’t fucking care, damnit!! If they had actually made out, though…….I would probably just be dead. Four months Glee-free and now this.


  3. These recaps make my day. <3 (Even though I'm pretty sure that every time you refer to Finn as a potatoe G-d stabs a lesbian puppy with body issues in the guts.)

    I didn't really mind not seeing Santana and Quinn kiss and I immensely liked the fact that their position in bed suggested that they'd done that numbered thing. Nice touch.

    Also: Kurt & Blaine need to sing more 80s pop. And have a threesome with Adam Lambert. Just saying.

    • thank you! also though i don’t want to hurt your lesbian puppies! seriously i feel like i’m missing something w/r/t finn… he’s tall and thin, like that’s a fact. the actor who plays him is super-thin. i’m assuming b/c of the comment below that you think i’m calling him fat, but how can i call him fat when he’s not fat? also he makes very safe fashion choices, which is frustrating. one might argue that he makes the same fashion choices that a potato might make… have you ever cut open a potato? i have. you know what the inside looks like? finn hudson’s brain. just a potato on a plate. in any event, i reference a variety of potato products, all of which come in various shapes and sizes having no correlation whatsoever to anybody’s body. chili cheese fries are thin objects, as are potato chips. the only thing all these potato products have in common is that they are made out of potatoes JUST LIKE FINN’S MAJOR INTESTINES AND BRAINHOLE. also this show has driven me crazy, so there’s that.

      • “have you ever cut open a potato? i have. you know what the inside looks like? finn hudson’s brain. ”

        I can’t wait for the opportunity to use this line. it’s stored in the comedy memory bank.

      • Certain people who live in certain places use the expression “papa sin sal” (potato without salt) to indicate that someone is uninteresting and bland. The connotations of papas are global, volatile and complex. Proceed carefully.

      • This may be a cultural thing because over here potatoes aren’t known for being stupid or misogynistic or just generally annoying. ;) Here, comparing someone to a potato’s is the same as calling them fat. Because potatoes aren’t thin. They’re bulky.  I assume there’s a reason people are called couch potatoes and not, say, couch celery. Even in the US of A. ;)

        It was the constant comparisons to potatoes as well as calling him a walking talking barrel of poutine that kind of left that impression. Poutine is just about the greasiest thing I can think of. (Well, that and Rick Grimes’s hair.)

        Maybe I cried wolf but I feel for Cory Monteith. Poor guy gets called fat and chubby all the time much like Amber Benson was in the 90s. For having a regular body and not the really thin body you usually see on tv. I just think it’s a shame.

      • (Also: I object to comparing potatoes to Finn Hudson. Most potatoes I’ve come across treat women way better than he does.)

  4. ahhhh I actually really, really liked this episode. It was the one of and maybe only high point in this season, and quinntana- so hot. I enjoyed every minute of them being together and it’s so nice to see someone that can challenge santana and play off of her. Brittany felt like a delicate emotionally stunted child, thank god that relationship is over. I wish they would explore this storyline/ arc in the next few episodes but alas I have so little hope for it being retouched on.

    Either way, I’m grateful that quinntana happened. heh

  5. Lez be honest, Riese, there was nothing bi-curious or “I’m actually totally 100% straight” with Quinn. Wistful while confessing never dancing with a girl before? ACTUALLY ENJOYING SEX for the first time? Going for round 2? Yeah, I’m an expat of Faberryland, but Quinntana is a perfect stepping stone for the blossoming gay of Quinn Fabray. We may not have gotten a kiss (boo), but I am looking forward to the conversation Santana has with her new roomie Rachel about fingerblasting Quinn.

    Also, it’s infuriating that they make Tina act like she didn’t have the most stable and cutest relationship on the entire show with Mr. Chang.

    • also lbr Quinn has approximately 452 times more chemistry with Santana than with any of the guys she’s been with, so when the writers inevitably find another one-dimensional dudebro love interest for her, it will ring even more hollow.

  6. Quinn and the water bottle, yes good.

    I actually enjoyed these two ladies acting all flirtatious and too-much-sexual-tension-y with each other more so precisely because it was Quinn who made the first moves. They just look hot together.

    We’ve got this episode, who needs the next one??
    (Really fitting for Glee for their awesome plot and character consistency, ha.)

  7. I’m not a Finn fan but you were way harsh. He’s annoying but really? Calling him potatoes like he’s fat? Santana did that when she was at her nastiest. I too adore Blaine and Kurt together and definitely enjoyed Santana and Quinn’s post-coital chat. I loved that Quinn didn’t go all freaking out straight girl and stayed chill.

  8. Riese, I really appreciate that you put Glee in its historical context. For all the issues I have with it, which are similar to yours, I was still simultaneously turned on and stunned at the Kurt and Blaine car scene. I thought, “They are kissing and groping almost as hard as on ‘Queer As Folk’!” (you know, before they got to the actual sex on QaF.)

    I came out a couple years before the Internet crashed into our lives and like many of us, my teen coming out process was full of feelings. I will never forget that episode of Deep Space 9 that you had in the pics-list of lesbian sweeps (thank you for that little whip down memory lane!). I was staring at the TV, not blinking because if I did, I knew I could miss it, just waiting waiting waiting and then… Mind. Blown. I had a huge crush on Terry Farrell (which I awkwardly confessed to her at a con when I was 16– oh yes, yes I did– and she gave me a big hug!). But when that kiss happened on DS9– it wasn’t considered exploitative for ratings. It was revolutionary, the way Star Trek had always been. Like the first (scripted) inter-racial kiss with Kirk and Uhura in 1968. But, like Glee, Star Trek back in 1968 was brimming with so many other really problematic issues; it was deeply misogynistic at the same time that it was blasting past conventional societal barriers.

    Also, I can’t believe this but I had forgotten the toaster oven joke. We had a big toaster oven party in college for Ellen’s coming out episode. Thank you for bringing me back to that memory too– and another historical context. We all know what happened when Ellen came out. 17 years later, and now we have Glee, a show where the 3 hottest most popular cheerleaders are all hooking up with each other. It is still boundary-breaking but no one is going to lose their job over it, far from it.

    As much as Glee continually kills little tender flames of hope in me, it always manages to find some new ones to ignite. Like, I actually didn’t notice that Quinn and Santana hadn’t kissed because there was so much other steamy-sexy happening, like the slow dancing which can be far more intimate than kissing. Ummm, and once I saw Quinn’s sex hair, I was gone…

    • yes, it’s crazy how much things have changed radically even within literally the last two years. there’s been a big cultural shift, and the internet has managed to mobilize so many people against corporations who shit on gay people that whereas before you’d totally expect some network to have a bunch of ads pulled during a show with gay themes, now you’d be surprised if that happened. also now we have, oddly, ellen herself, on television and she mobilizes people against haters as well.

      because hollywood has been gay FOREVER. they’re totally okay with it, they’ve had stories to tell all this time, they just had to wait until they could tell them without losing viewers or advertisers.

      i’ve never seen anything like that blaine and kurt scene, and their chemistry this episode crushed me out on their relationship way more than before.

      in the past these things were so heavily hyped, these sweeps kisses, i feel like the entire world exploded when they had a same-sex kiss on LA Law, and I was pretty young then but still heard about it, ’cause my parents were super into that show. Which in a way was kinda sad because there was always advance warning because there was always advance protest. When I made the graphic of lesbian characters for this year’s television roundup it blew my mind.

      anyhow, yeah! jesus.

      • You got me all misty-eyed remembering my little college “Good for you, you’re gay!” Ellen coming-out party! So, I was just reading up on that season, I remembered all the hype but not all the details. And I had forgotten about the advertising– something you had noted in your recap last week, with the caption to Santana’s kiss with her fake gf. That Fox would have lots all its advertising not that long ago.

        Anyhow, this little bit of advertising info I found amusing but also so indicative of what a whirlwind sea change it’s been– JC Penney had been a regular advertiser on Ellen and pulled their ads for the “puppy episode” (the coming-out episode). And now, 15 years later, they are staunchly defending their choice to have Ellen in their ads against One Million Moms (who are actually only like 150,000– moms who can’t count so well). It is so easy to get cynical about these things and think it is just about going after gay dollars until you remember not that long ago these companies didn’t give a damn about our $3 bills. I mean yes, probably because they thought they’d lose not-gay money but I do think it is still bigger than that, than just money, because there are lots of companies who just wouldn’t do that, they wouldn’t take that risk against those frantic haters.

        Oh wow, LA Law, I had forgotten about that! I was just reminiscing with friends about Murphy Brown…

        I should probably stop, I feel like I’m starting to sound like, “Back in my day, we had to walk 5 miles to the school in snow– without rainbow galoshes!”

        But srsly, the Internet– exactly. Makes me excited to see what we will be recapping and fighting for (slash complaining about) 15 years from now, when it has become meh whatever at the car scene with Blaine grabbing Kurt’s face and pulling him down by his lower back, pushing away his shirt… ok, I’ll stop there before I end up writing fanfic.

        And p.s. +1 re Modern Family! Makes me crazy, the show had so much… potential… This last episode (because yeah, of course I still watch it) Lily said to Jay, “My daddies kiss all the time,” and I nearly hit the screen, it made me so angry, because they don’t!! They never ever never kiss!! Let alone be nice to each other.

    • Fun fact about Star Trek: It was originally intended to have more strong female characters – the Spock character, in fact, was originally supposed to be played by a woman (who ended up playing Nurse Chapel) – because Gene Roddenberry got, at least to some degree, the importance of having women in positions of power in an idealistic, advanced future society. But executive meddling said the audience couldn’t handle that so he was forced to change that.

      Not that it would have necessarily been feminist at all by modern standards, but it still feels like a huge missed opportunity. Certainly I’m not going to complain about Leonard Nimoy as Spock (I have trouble imagining anyone else in the role), but I still get the sense of “what could have been”… particularly since the “men are logical, women are emotional” thing is one of my least favorite pop culture (and bad pop-science) tropes and it would have been awesome to see a McCoy vs. female Spock dynamic fuck with that.

      Okay, I think I’ve basically just reached nerdy critical mass in this comment, so I’m going to go to bed now.


    I’m in love with all the Quinn/Santana stuff. They were just so fun to watch. I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt that much unadulterated joy watching Glee. I was so enamored by them that I don’t remember anything else that happened in this episode…which could also be because I muted the TV whenever Jake, Marley, Ryer, or Finn appeared on screen.

    Hilarious recap, as always!

  10. This recap was the perfect way to start my Sunday, thank you Riese. Quinn and Santana looked great together, I’m glad we got to see that, too bad it was probably a one time (okay two time) thing. Speaking of Glee, I recently caught myself singing the Turkey Lurkey song from the Thanksgiving episode (don’t know what’s wrong with my brain), but instead of “eat all the turkey you are able” the line that came out of my mouth was “eat all the pussy you are able”. I spend too much time on Autostraddle?

  11. It’s February and I want to kiss a girl! Why can’t I be a TV character?

    Anyway re: this: “There’s no chemistry, we’ve never seen them bond over anything besides how much they like each other. She’s way smarter, she needs to be nurtured and he doesn’t know how to do that.”

    This is because in the stupidity of TV land, All Girls Want Bad Boys. And I mean, I’ve known girls like that IRL, but usually if they’re smart and they prize emotional intimacy, they’re only interested in flings with those guys, not relationships. As a biseckshual I’ve never understood the attraction to those guys myself. Then again, I don’t know if Marley is smart or anything, I have literally never watched a single scene with her character in it because these new characters sound like the most boring shit ever, so I’m taking your word for it that she is.

    Also, re: the runaway bride/groom part: Ugh that storyline is so stupid and, like you said, completely unrealistic. I know people in real life who had serious regrets about their weddings – like not just nerves but, like, I really probably should not be making a commitment to this person, in fact, I shouldn’t be in a relationship with him/her at all – who still went through with it because MONEY AND FAMILY PRESSURE ARE A THING.

    Also no one can ever do the “speak now or forever hold your peace” thing better than this Vicar of Dibley fantasy sequence:

    • By the way, I’m not saying being smart and prizing emotional intimacy go hand-in-hand. I’m saying if you happen to be both of these things, you do this in my experience, and so on.

      Gah it’s 5 am what do I know

  12. Also I don’t want to be body-snarking, but is it just me or does Mark Salling actually look his age in this? I just can’t convincingly see him as a 19-year-old recent high school grad anymore.

    Cory Monteith, on the other hand, will forever look 15, at least on Glee. Probably because his character’s at about that level of emotional maturity.

  13. I really appreciated the handful of Battlestar references and also the mental image of Santana and Starbuck fucking.

  14. I enjoyed this recap immensely. I genuinely believe the Finn potato references to be the only consistent theme in the entire Glee universe.

    This was a real mess of an episode. I really don’t understand the point of bringing back characters only for them to sing one forgettable solo or dance for all of 3 seconds. Even if Tina is too Blaine-obsessed to remember her eligible and stable ex-longterm boyfriend still exists, couldn’t we have had a heart-to-heart between her and Mercedes where they commiserate and reminisce about that one episode she was into Kurt? And I completely forgot there was even meant to have been a wedding by about halfway.

    But then I absolutely loved the mass hook-up thing. I agree that the Kurt/Blaine thing felt particularly groundbreaking, but to some extent all of it was, simply because it wasn’t a big deal. All of the pairings were telegraphed at the start of the episode, but not in the “omg having sex with you will irrevocably alter my entire being/future marriage prospects” way, that happens most of the time in these kind of shows (and previous Glee episodes).

  15. So sometimes I miss a recap, but Finn kissed Emma? Were they having an affair or did he assault her? If they were having an affair I have my own feelings about that, but if Finn sexually assaulted her, and they’re playing it for laughs, I don’t even know. I’m so angry about this possibility I can’t even really think.

    • She was having something that seemed like a panic attack and he kissed her to shut her up. (literally).

  16. Also, as someone who has been scrutinising lesbian TV kisses since before cranking up the internet sounded like drunken bird hiccups, I believe the O.C. pic in the historical sweep snogs collage is in fact from Brookside!

    • Also, in my in-depth research to figure out whether Intern Grace would have even been alive when the Brookside/Party of Five episodes aired, I discovered wikipedia actually has an entry dedicated to “lesbian kiss episodes!”

      I feel like these media representations of lesbianism are so much more validated now.

      • what is brookside? i found that party of five pic by googling and it looked like neve campbell so i thought hm, this must be it! i made the graphic not grace

      • That wikipedia article! Wowww… it calls the “lesbian kiss episode” a trope which I guess it is, I hadn’t really thought of it like that (and acknowledges it is often used in sweeps week). It is an interesting list because it isn’t the list of TV lesbian relationships, just the trope. Like, the list shows it was used twice on Sex and the City but there isn’t mention of the fact that also on the same show Samantha was in a LTR with a woman (one of her very few actual relationships). You have to go to another article to find that. I wish the article connected the two, shows that both used the trope and also had lesbian (or, in Samantha’s case, try-sexual) characters because I think that was a BFD actually, for Samantha to have a relationship at all and it was a deeply emotional one. Because though the lesbian kiss episode may frequently be used a stunt, that doesn’t necessarily mean the show was only using gay characters and then throwing them away. Roseanne, which was one of the first on the list, is another example– I don’t even remember that episode but I sure as hell remember Sandra Bernhard!

        • That Samantha episode of Sex and the City was kind of groundbreaking, but also made me kind of furious. Because they completely exploit a lot of the bad stereotypes of how lesbian relationships are different than heterosexual ones. Like how Samantha and her girlfriend spend all their time in the bathtub talking about their feelings? UGH. I realize that it was still kind of progress to even mention lesbians on that show, but I still had a really difficult time sitting through the episode.

    • I tried to start writing this, but integrating Starbuck and Santana into the same universe in a way that made sense made my head start hurting. But I’m pretty sure I wanted to set it in the BSG universe so Starbuck’s fondness for the brig could play a role.

      Clearly my appreciation for continuity disqualifies me from ever being a writer on Glee.

      • I want to make finn a stupid cylon. Like one of the giant ones that can’t talk but can be uploaded time and time again into a new body, because I feel like that’s what keeps happening on Glee.

        Actually, it totally makes sense that Finn is a Cylon bent on destroying the universe. That explains a lot of his behavior on Glee. Finn is a Cylon.

  17. I really liked Quinntana as well and I didn’t mind they kissed at the end because like someone else said, their interactions, specially the dance moment, were tender and sensual. A kiss woulda been nice but I didn’t feel like it was lacking.

    And I liked that Quinn did all the flirting and the pursuing and I totally don’t believe her words when she says it’s an one time thing for her. The moment Santana reassured her she wasn’t going to expect anything from her for it she was okay because as everybody in Tumblr knows, including Dianna Agron, QUINN IS (a bit) GAY.

  18. So after a full year of abstaining, I broke down and watched this episode because I couldn’t help myself at the thought of Santana and Quinn. Here are some notes:

    1)The scene with Kurt and Blaine making out in the back of the car was surprisingly sexy for this show.

    2) I actually liked “Not Getting Married Today”, even though I agree that the “runaway bride” trope is unrealistic and played to hell. Also, OF COURSE Glee can’t just keep a couple together. That’d be way too much to ask.

    3) The scene at the end with all the couples heading to their hotel rooms was actually very well shot, and I enjoyed watching it, although naturally it’d be too much for two girls to kiss. I think Glee has a limit of one gay kiss per episode, and if there is any chance of that being with Kurt and Blaine, they supersede anything else. I couldn’t even muster righteous indignation because, at this point, what was I really expecting.

    4) On Friday I was watching a totally normal episode of Portlandia, and at the end Carrie Brownstein and Chloe Sevigny make out in a sexy manner that you guys might all find more interesting than what happened in this show. Seriously, check it out.

    5) Modern Family is, indeed, one of the worst representations of gay people on TV at this point, but to be fair *every* couple hates each other. It’s just that they get to make out too. Also, gotta love the digs at lesbians, because those assholes are gross! I rewatched the Pilot and there was even a joke about “angry lesbians” in that episode, so I don’t know how I was so blinded when it premiered.

    Basically the moral is that Portlandia, of all shows, has better gay relations and is sexier than Modern Family or Glee. Watch that shit ASAP!

    • “So after a full year of abstaining, I broke down and watched this episode because I couldn’t help myself at the thought of Santana and Quinn.”

      I’m not so far into my Gl** abstention (congratulations on the full year), but my reason for breaking down was the same. That thought is a powerful thought.

      4) “The intelligent girl and the wild rose”

      I always enjoy reading your comments and I agree with this particular one so much that it makes me want to roll down a hill alone, for no reason.

      • “Thanks for making this the best Bastille Day ever!”

        To be honest I thought this week’s Portlandia was one of the best this season even before that last sketch, but that certainly boosted it up over the top.

        And thanks for the kind words. I haven’t been posting here as much lately but I’m still lurking :)!

        • HELLZ YESSSSS re Portlandia. I so loved how 1) it wasn’t a “character”, it was Carrie (I get that Carrie IRL and Carrie on Portlandia aren’t the same but I still think it means something because it is less easy to write off, to say it was Candace or someone) and 2) it was so NBD. The whole point of the skit was Alexandra (fucking love Chloe Sevigny!!) is “whimsical” and that’s why she dates best friends. The focus is on her character and on them being best friends. The end. Not on her super hot making out with Carrie (oh yes, that first shot, “the intelligent girl and the wild rose”– it should be on a poster).

          Good point about Modern Family. I guess I got irritated at that line especially because at least the other characters, even though they snipe at each other constantly too, actually do have physical interactions. Claire and Phil actually are always kissing, so are Jay and Gloria. Not Cam and Mitch. (I actually really love the show though, I think it is super funny. Anything it does that could be offensive in another show is handled so capably by the writers and cast).

          • i think we see way more cute genuine moments (and definitely WAY more sexual tension and sexual behavior) between claire/phil and jay/gloria. i actually think that claire/phil have a pretty balanced relationship and their tomfoolery is a bit more lighthearted than cam/mitchell, which always feels so mean-spirited.

            i also really love the show too we watch it every week, i’ve seen every episode, i love it, it makes me laugh every time. but i love it independently of it featuring gay people, i just don’t think it’s the great positive representation of a gay relationship we all wish it could be.

          • Yes, that is a better way (less clunky than mine) to say it– I like it regardless of the gay characters too and just wish there was any better representation of them. I will say though Nathan Lane’s last appearance and that whole scene about Cat’s in the Cradle was really beautiful. I guess that’s why I think it isn’t usually offensive — because the gay characters are still really dynamic and relatable.

            And I was happily surprised and am still loling at that last bit where Cam and Mitch were (for a snip) imitating Phil and Claire’s hotel bar game. They didn’t kiss but the (imagined) sex was still there — done perfectly.

          • yes! i appreciated that too, that hotel bar scene! our cable was being weird and cutting out in parts, but from what i caught i was really pleased they actually implied that they are sexual creatures.

    • i agree about the scene with them heading to their rooms being really, really well done — i felt like that part reached an emotional climax in the episode we’ve not seen them accomplish yet this season. for the last 20 minutes or so i thought maybe this was the best episode of the season, but wasn’t sure if i had lost my mind or maybe had too much wine.

      • It is super important to always question Glee and your feelings about Glee. And I really dislike that I have given the youtube page for “We’ve Got Tonite” way too many views. I refuse to give Glee any more of my $, but that song tho.

  19. ugh can I just say that finn was the creepiest creeper in that stupid scene with rachel before their song? the one where he’s creepily pulling off the flower petals one by one?

    he was just so pushy with her, insisting that they were “endgame” and meant to be together or whatever, and she kept saying no, and he kept insisting yes, and eventually she gave in, and the show taught everyone that when a girl says no to a guy, she secretly means yes, and it is his job to be a pushy, smarmy creep towards her until she gives in to her “true desire” and has sex with him.

    p.s. I am semi-convinced that the writers for this episode stole all their plot points from fan fic. we already know they steal musical arrangements from the internet, so maybe this is the next step. Even the really good parts of the episode (e.g. the steamy kurt + blaine scene) felt like well done fic, rather than like an actual part of the real show.

    • “he was just so pushy with her, insisting that they were “endgame” and meant to be together or whatever, and she kept saying no, and he kept insisting yes, and eventually she gave in, and the show taught everyone that when a girl says no to a guy, she secretly means yes, and it is his job to be a pushy, smarmy creep towards her until she gives in to her “true desire” and has sex with him.”

      PREACH! I found him so, so creepy.

  20. Thanks for this. I lol-ed at every single picture/caption. In some I laughed so hard I snorted.


  21. For the first time, I’m feeling a slight tinge of regret that I quit watching the shitshow that is Glee.

  22. Considering New Rachel’s destination was seeing the bland Finn Spudson, she should have just stayed home and finished the series.

  23. So, I broke my boycotting a bit and actually watched the Santana-Quinn bits – which was kind of hard, I had to sit through that stupid “Endgame” speech Finn had for Rachel (*rolls eyes*), sit through Artie being a jack*ass, sit through yet another Klaine drama, sit through another ep with Mercedes and Mike REALLY NOT DOING ANYTHING, Tina being called a hag (seriously, when did Tina become so unlikable?!?), but yeah…those Quinn-Santana scenes, hey?!? :)

    I’m still processing those Quinntana bits, because I seriously think Glee is just f*cking with me because…Riese, you’re right, Santana just u-hauled her ass to Rachel’s apartment (ahhahaha! That was the best comment ever!) and now she just banged Quinn! Yes, a threesome with Rachel would be nice (espesh since “Love Song” already showed that these three work well together!). But at the same time…it’s so obviously for sweeps week, and all I could think of was…Glee having Quinn mention Gloria Steinem and stopping having guys define her is just so insulting – namedropping Gloria Steinem doesn’t excuse your tropes or 4 seasons-long of bad writing of Glee, Glee writers! And of course, I had mixed feels about the fact that even the lesbians and bisexuals and bi-curious chicks are also DEFINED by their sexual (casual or otherwise) relationships! This show is incapable of writing women outside the sexual aspect of it. And also, incapable of writing genuine female friendships. Seriously. :)

    And as you mentioned, this WILL BE FORGOTTEN in the next eps, like they forgot Santana used to date Sam, Sam used to date Mercedes, ad infinitum…

    And I agree, the writing in Glee this season seems to have been airlifted from various fan fic stories! I should know! I’ve read them – right from Santana moving in with Rachel, to Santana getting it on with Quinn!

    I hate you show!

    Off to watch “Pitch Perfect” again! This movie is awesome. :)

    Also, Riese, great recap as always! ;)


  24. PS

    Also, must admit…I had a chase straight girls phase too! hahahahaa! ;)

    Quinn and Santana are hot together TBH. :)

  25. I think my fav part was when quinn said “i’ve never slow danced w/ a girl before, i like it” and santana gave her that squint, like ‘did you mean that to sound the way it sounded?’ yeah. that seemed like a real, honest moment.

    • right?? first time I read this article I got to the phrase “Santana Lopez, who must be fucking Kara Thrace” and just stopped there, staring vaguely off into the distance.

  26. of course Quinn had to declare her disappointment in men before she could hook up with out-lesbian Santana.

    • Normally that would bother me but I think Quinn knew what she wanted before she even entered that church and the entire night was just planting the seeds in Santana’s mind. Like Kurt said, everyone hooks up at weddings. Sanatana knows that. Quinn wanted it out there that she wasn’t hooking up with a guy that night.

      Also, Quinn has always actually seemed to have disdain for men.

  27. My favorite part of the episode was Santana’s squint while they were dancing. As I feel like I’ve been Quinn and Santanan in that situation before or situations like it.

    I’m not sure why, but I cringed watching the Love Me, Love Me Not scene. If anyone else had done that scene. Idris Elba, Michael Fassbender, Tyrion Lannister, I would have loved it. But Finn’s overall dopiness turns me off and makes me uncomfortable.

    I really like Ryder. I also didn’t think Jake was being an asshole, he’s just not as intuitive as Ryder, which means Marley should be with Ryder not Jake. Can’t believe I wrote all of that, since I typically fast forward scenes that don’t involve Santana, Quinn, and Kurt/Rachel (was never a fan of Kurt & Rachel by themselves, but love them together), or Rachel with Santana/Quinn.

    Actually I take it back. I like all Rachel scenes not with Finn.
    So there.

  28. Wow so this was the first episode of Glee I watched in a long time since quitting early in the second season when I saw Glee mid-air over a shark and thought “Woah, okay, hey look I’m done with this.”

    Since then the only thing that happened was occasionally I’d laugh along with everyone when I read an episode recap here on Autostraddle. I also heard some murmurs about Unique’s storyline happening, but pretty much ran away from thinking about it or checking in on it because I had less than zero faith that Glee’s writers would do any justice to it. From what I’ve seen from the occasional passes through the recaps, it seems my lack faith was not misplaced.

    Annnyway, this episode was where after years of being away, I stumbled back into the Glee universe again up close and personal. I was surprised to find Sue to be one of the few likable characters (unlike the other characters, you can assume she’s both consistent and written to be over the top in a way that’s *intentionally* funny) and everytime Santana came on the screen I was thrilled she was playing for our team. (She wasn’t the last time I watched Glee, it was one of the few things I heard about that made me want to start watching again… from what I’ve seen, this was one of the few things that changed for the oh so much better since I stopped watching the show.)

    The only reason I ended up watching this episode was I was hanging out with with a girl I’m dating and her posse of queers and they decided to start watching it. I’m pretty thrilled the one episode I saw with them was the one where we could all be happy about a) Santana being on screen and b) Quinn and Santana hooking up.

    I hope Santana and Quinn survive longer than one episode, even if I’m not planning to subject myself to more of this show. Quinn and Santana seem like something the world should have. I’m glad I saw it happen at least once.

    Oh and P.S. also I found Marley to be kind of totally cute and it seemed she rocked that song at the end. Apparently taken out of context of what’s gone on before she’s a much more enjoyable character than she appears from the recaps. Which probably just means she’s a character being held back by the context of the Glee universe rather than maybe being a bad character period. Just a thought. (Protip: For better enjoyment of her character pretend she’s not in a relationship with that guy the storyline insists she’s dating. It shouldn’t be hard since she seemed to express almost zero actual interest or feelings about him.)

  29. I love this episode ЅØ much! Santana and Quinn having sex was ​A̶̲̥̅̊
    nice one… It has given me the courage Ƭ☺ kinda bang ​A̶̲̥̅̊
    straight gee if I get the opportunity lol. Frankly,am watching glee cause of Santana and whatever she acts iѕ cool Ƭ☺ me… ЅØ I do wish she bangs all the girls įη this show lmao!

  30. You guys…!

    I just realized…

    If Rachel is pregnant…

    Would she trick Finn into thinking it’s her baby?!?

    Because I’d totes watch that episode!

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