Friday Open Thread: This Is Your Captain Speaking

Oh hi. Hey there. What’s a nice weirdo like you doing in a place like this? Welcome to this week’s Friday Open Thread, where we get to sit back and relax and talk about how the week treated us. This is a special edition of the Friday Open Thread with a lot more cooks in the kitchen; instead of being hosted by one Autostraddle staffer, this week the open thread is being hosted by Riese, Laneia, Yvonne, Alex, Rachel and Grace, who are all in the same damn place for their annual planning retreat and summit. And now you’re here too! WE ARE SO EXCITED.


Grace and Yvonne making the magic happen


Celebrated and talented professional writer Grace stuffing envelopes

We’ve been here for three full days now and we’ve done so many things; we ate tacos and made a lot of lists of things and watched Jurassic Park and solidified Important Plans and read Contributing Editor applications! Laneia made margaritas for everyone! Riese made toast for everyone! Rachel made it to the A-List on Kim K: Hollywood! Yvonne watched Pretty Little Liars! We found a giant bug and made Grace take a picture of it! There’s so much in the future! You don’t even know! Are you ready? You’re not ready.


Laneia would probably make you a sandwich if she could

Family pizza night

Family pizza night

So that’s what we’ve been up to. What about you? What’s your deal? What was the most surprising thing that happened to you this week? Who did you have more of a crush on when you first watched Jurassic Park, Laura Dern or Ariana Richards (who played the younger girl)? What are your ideal taco fillings? What about tortilla preferences? If you found a giant bug, would you make Grace take a picture of it, make Grace take it outside, or make Grace kill it?


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  1. THE GOOD: I’ve written over 10,000 words in the past two days and I’m hoping to make it 15,000 today. (Any other straddlers doing Camp NaNoWriMo?)

    THE BAD: I’m awake at 5:01am on a Saturday because a blaring earthquake siren woke me up at 4:22am for a 6.8 quake in Miyagi. There’s a tsunami advisory for the coasts of Iwate, Miyagi and Fukushima. I’m safe in Tokyo, but there’s nothing to shake you awake like a siren going off next to you (it’s an earthquake alarm on everyone’s phone) and now I can’t get back to sleep.

    • 10,000 words is AMAZING! What is your novel about?

      Also that sounds like a terrifying way to wake up; I hope the day gets better!

      • Only about 4,000 of those words were NaNoWriMo; I’m doing that by hand and I just can’t keep going with it forever because my whole arm hurts after awhile.

        It’s a little embarrassing, but it’s Bordertown fanfic… but technically, I guess almost all of the Borderlands stories are fanfiction, so I’m trying not to feel too bad about it. Process, not product – right?

    • I am super hilariously behind on nano, but I am plugging through as best I can. Totally not while at work because that would be irresponsible. “:|

      • I’m way behind, too, but I calculated yesterday and if I can write 2,050 words every day between now and the 31st, I’ll finish on time. I have it easy; I’m on summer vacation until the 28th.

    • Actually, the group should have had a discussion with the bug and come to some sort of comprise on establishing some sort of mutually acceptable boundaries on each side’s use of the room thereby resolving the issue without unnecessary bloodshed? or shrieking.
      FFS……it might be a girl bug!

  2. LAURA DERN!! I was so obsessed with Jurassic Park as a kid and I still am! OMG, THE BEST.

    I guess the most surprising thing that happened to me this week was that I ended up chatting up this hot and interesting lady almost every day of this week. We just keep communicating with each other! I think she likes me too! Maybe? We’ve hung out IRL twice just to kind of chill and get to know each other. It’s been really fun just chatting and drinking beers with her. I really hope we hang out again soon and maybe I can specify that I’d like it to be more of a Date. But probably I won’t do that because I’m chicken shit. Anyway, we keep discussing potential plans, like going to the beach or getting coffee or walking through parks. I’m kind of freaking out honestly…! Can you tell? Ah!!

  3. So, I am living with my homophobic religious mom. She kicked me out last weekend, told me she hated me, and put her hands on me. Last Sunday she let me come home but she only made a single general apology for what she did. She’s been telling me she won’t be able to afford to keep the house and take care of my younger sister without my help (I have $12k in the bank and make $2500 a month). She also has a legal issue which, if it doesn’t go her way, means she has to pay my dad (they are divorced) over $10k. She said she needs my help paying that as well. She is unemployed, and she wants me to wait 2-2.5 years for my sister to finish school so my sister and I to live together (sister is homophobic as well).

    However, I have been looking for apartments and it looks like I am being considered for two.

    The first one is relatively close to my job (about 40-45 minutes away), and is a multi-family home with about 8 other tenants. I saw some older guys who live there when I was looking at the space (I am a 22 year old black woman). It’s one bedroom and one bathroom, no AC, $900 per month and I have to pay for electric, internet, gas, heat, and hot water. The landlord is a male who owns an apartment there but mostly lives off site.

    The second one is an hour away from my job (the next town over from where I live with my mom). It is a 2 family house and the landlord is an older lady who lives upstairs. The terms of the lease say she can come into my potential apartment at any time to check conditions. It has one bedroom, one bathroom, and is $950 a month. I have to pay for internet and electric, and everything else is included.
    So, as a lesbian, I would prefer to live in the first building because the landlord won’t always be right there watching my every move (and making my life miserable with homophobia). But on the flip side, there are a lot of older men there and I have to cover more utilities in the rent so it will be more expensive.
    But the second apartment at least has a female landlord on site so I would hopefully get a faster response to any problems, and maybe have a nice working relationship with her. But if she is homophobic I would have to be careful with bringing girls over, dressing too butch, etc. I would be hiding my sexuality like I already do at home. However, the rent seems cheaper since I have to cover less utilities, but it is an hour away from work so that means more gas.

    So what option seems better? Or should I stay home and help my mom?

    • :/ That sounds like a really difficult decision. Good for you, doing what you need to to take care of yourself.

      Of the two choices… the shorter commute + relative privacy seem valuable to me?

    • Honestly, I would go with the second option with the female landlord. Really when it comes down to hiding your sexuality there are plenty of heterosexuals who dress more butch than others and I think you would have less of a problem with that. I mean depending on bringing girls back I wouldn’t think would be too hard to cover up, if asked they could be visiting friends or coworkers. I really wouldn’t consider staying with your mom though, I obviously don’t personally know your situation but it seems as if she’s attempting to make your life hell, it isn’t your responsibility to help, if you do it’s simply out of the kindness of your heart, and from what you’ve written it seems as if she’s done nothing to deserve it.

    • You should go. I have unfortunately been in a not dissimilar position and I really, really think you should go. I read Cheryl Strayed’s column collection/book Tiny Beautiful Things a few months ago and I wished I’d had it when I was faced with choosing what’s best for me vs. best for family members a couple of years ago. If you haven’t read it, I recommend checking it out, I really think it would have eased a difficult decision for me quite a bit.

    • Katie I’m so sorry that you have all this weighing on you, and hope that you can be in a safe and affirming environment really soon!

    • hoping for safety, comfort, and peace of mind for you, whatever choice you make, Katie

    • oh damn…I’m sorry your home situation is so difficult. Know that you are supported and I hope whichever apartment you end up in is amazing for you.

  4. It’s an exciting time! I just moved to the Bay Area, aka queer utopia, and I am VERY PLEASED with this life decision.

    Similarly-located straddlers: what are the best queer-lady things that I should know about here? Do y’all have a facebook group or meet-ups ever? Do you or your friends want to employ me in a queer and/or public health related job? (Kind of but not really kidding about that last part.)

    • CONGRATULATIONS! I love the Bay Area so much, although I am now sadly living 2 hours away. I highly recommend checking out the Lexington in SF, cause somehow every time I go there I make new queer girl friends, and on Monday they have free pool during the day if that’s your thing. Also there is a facebook group called Straddlers by the Bay where people sometimes post meetups and information and such.

    • I don’t live in the Bay Area anymore, but if you like to dance or just hang around listening to music you probs won’t hear at other bars, check out Hard French at El Rio. It’s a daytime party and I just remember it being my favorite! Or Dolores Park is a chill place to either hang out with people or read or people watch. There’s Bi-Rite Creamery with tasty ice cream right by the park as well. When I first got to SF I volunteered for a non-profit and the Dyke March. That’s how I started to meet people. So I would definitely suggest looking up non-profits or events you are interested in and see if they need volunteers.

    • Ya know, I was waiting to see the actual picture, but I don’t think it could top this one, so.

    • Welp, I hope this is not TMI, but I am currently trying to figure out what it means if I can feel sexual attraction but don’t really want to experience sexual intimacy with another person?? Like what even is that??? It’s not asexuality, right? But like, I feel like I need to figure out what to think about that, even though I know logically I shouldn’t need to. Like sure, I’m queer, and I could just leave it at that but. Just so I can explain it to people who should know, you know? So yeah, I don’t even know if that makes sense, but it is very confusing. Sharing strange feelings with strangers: the essence of Autostraddle. :P

    • Omg how did you get a picture of the bug that was in my kitchen last night? Seriously, that thing scared me even more than the Halloween episode of Pretty Little Liars that I was watching!

    • OMG AREN’T THEY THE BEST SWEATPANTS? did you get women’s sweatpants or man’s ones because i keep getting the men’s ones because i’m afraid the women’s ones will be too short and i’m wondering how that worked out for you

      • They are super awesome sweatpants! I have four pairs of the women’s ones (I’m Canadian, it’s like our uniform – except sadly not everyone else knows this and so I mostly wear them at home). I’m 5’8″ and without the elastic around the ankle, I’d be walking on them – in other words, they are loooong, and the sizing tends to run a bit large in general. Also – the fuzzy beaver on the hip? Icing on the cake of amazing sweatpants comfort.

  5. This week i’ve been travelling up and down the country to do training days for my new job,fire safety,first aid and lifting people.I thought most of it was common sense until I did CPR so fast I probably would have broke a rib if it wasn’t a dummy.I met a lot of nice people and seen a few different places which was interesting.

  6. So speaking of bugs… over Pride weekend I went on a first date with a woman I found on OKC. I thought she was hot. Then I read her profile and I thought she was delightfully blunt, witty, and charming. And then I met her in person and discovered that she’s all that times like a thousand. And there I was trying to keep my cool, and just like be normal, right? And I’m reminding myself that there’s so much I don’t know about her, and not to let the charmingness of it all stop me from asking very important and serious questions that will help me determine if a second date is a good idea.

    And then she looks down into her beer and says, “Oh, there’s a moth in my beer.” And she stares at it for a second, sloshing it around gently, and then starts pouring it out on the ground. Then she pulls the moth from the beer puddle and helps it back on its feet and watches it as it flails about drunkenly for a minute until it’s sober enough and flies off.

    SHE RESCUED A MOTH ON OUR DATE! I was just like “ewww moth in beer ewww!” and she was like “Awww poor moth, let me save you from drowning in beer.” She’s clearly a much better human than I am.

    And I thought, fuck the important questions. I *have* to convince her to go on a second date with me.

    • Super awesome Erin!!! Is this the same person you wrote about before? Or was that just someone in your dream?

    • This is a great story! :D I love that feeling of “HOLY damn thing, I have to ensure that this person likes to be around me!”

      Wether it is for friendship or love, there is nothing greater than the feeling of pride that comes with surrounding yourself with people who are bringing positive stuff into your life (like more consideration for moths.)

      Give yourself more time to find out who she is, but she sounds great for sure. Go, moth-saving girl!

      • The second date happened and the third date is planned. So far so good! She’s definitely a good influence on me.

  7. Well. The big bad news is that I had to end things with my girlfriend. The good news is that I had to end things because I moved to Seattle, which is pretty great. But this has seriously been a move cursed by someone really petty. Every annoying thing that can go wrong has.
    It started with my July rent check, which I mailed back in June. I was informed on June 30th that it hadn’t shown up. So, I cancelled it, and promised to have a check in hand when I arrived since it was too late to mail a new one. Well, that message didn’t get communicated to the housemate in charge of rent, so when the cancelled check arrived, they tried to cash it. Then when I pulled all of the furniture out of my bedroom, I discovered a large quantity of black mold had been growing on the wall behind, and on, my dressers.
    Then at the airport they couldn’t find proof that I’d already paid for my checked luggage.
    Then when I got to Seattle, I got a call from my old landlord in Illinois that I had a big package delivered to my old apartment that turned out to be boxes from comcast to return my modem that I had specifically told them to send to my new address.
    Then when I went to schedule my moving container to be delivered, they decided to tell me that I need a $150 permit from the city, after previously telling me that I didn’t as long as I unloaded it and had it picked up before nighttime. So now I won’t get any of my stuff until next week, at the earliest. And if the city expects people who aren’t professional construction companies to figure out this permit stuff, they need to write their instructions like they’re talking to a lay person.
    Then I belatedly discovered that Sallie Mae entered by forebearance incorrectly so they’re trying to get me to pay on my student loan a month early.
    Also, one of my rabbits has decided that peeing on my air mattress every time I leave my bedroom is a good life choice.
    On top of this I’m trying to study for the bar and constantly getting too annoyed and stressed out about all of these things to focus. And then getting stressed out more because I don’t feel like I’m studying enough.
    So basically, Seattle is awesome. But I miss my ex and I miss my friends and I want my stuff and I specifically really want my bed so I don’t have to keep washing my sheets.
    This is my life right now. It’s mostly petty, ridiculous, nonsense. But it’s overwhelming petty, ridiculous, nonsense. Please send pictures of your pets, vegan baked goods, bear hugs, and copious amounts of liquor.

    • Also, Laura Dern was a formative crush for me. I will forever have a thing for women in khaki shorts and shirt tied at the waist.
      And I think I would want to take a picture of Grace taking the giant bug outside.

      • Thanks for the hugs :) much needed.
        I’m self-caring with cheap wine and oreos and guarding my air mattress from rabbit pee.

  8. I’ve had a generally wonderful week. Last week I officially got my name change and this week I’ve been handling changing all my records. It’s really fun and amazing to see each record changed. After years of dreaming about my name change it is finally reality. My family is at least acknowledging it now and trying to adjust to using Jay. Pronouns are still a struggle but I have hope that eventually it will work out.

  9. The best part of this week was finding out the Premium Membership thing with Autostraddle.

  10. This week was actually pretty horrible? I was thoroughly chewed out by one of my managers for supposedly speaking to a customer with a tone( I work at a cafe as a host) and after I apologized was chewed out again for my apology being insincere, the next day I also managed to have my first car accident ever by bumping into the side of ANOTHER manager’s vehicle, smooth right?
    Buut on the bright side I started clearing it with my general manager in order to leave for school this fall and come back and work on break which was really wonderful of them and they were really chill about it. There’s also what 40 days until I move up into Marquette, in the upper peninsula of Michigan for my first year of school this fall! I also bought tickets for a Panic! At The Disco concert that’s going on later this month and am super super super happy about it!
    (also I probably would have had Grace take the bug outside)

    • that’s great news about your work schedule. the UP is so pretty, you’ll have to tell us how you like it there!

    • Ooh Marquette! You’re so lucky! Make sure you go to the Pictured Rocks, it’s so beautiful. I went to school in Sault Ste. Marie and I miss it so much.

  11. I’ve been geeking out on ebay and won an ebay auction to new(to me) Fuji camera. I really want to start photographing scenery, nature, and people more, vs wildlife and nature that I had been doing. I also have the idea of seeing if I can find people who would let me shoot them during their queer sexy time, and start a blog for that. Kind of like queerpornTV, but more pictures and more amateur material.

    Also, my back went out a little so I was stuck in bed most of the night last night. But, I did go to sleep in a sports bra, wearing breast forms for the first time. I live with my sister and parents at the moment and only my sister knows my feelings. It felt right, yet a bit unnatural, most because the it’s breast forms and not the real thing. Additionally, my parents said they will pay for my laser hair removal, so yay!

    • i hope that you share your photos in future open threads! and that’s so great about your parents paying, congratulations!

      • They know that my body hair is a source of issue for me, specially shoulders and chest(I’m a light skinned Middle Eastern person). But, so far all my hints of being genderqueer, at to least my mother has not gone well. Questioned me when I said I don’t like being called her son(that word makes me shudder a bit). She’s also worried about the friends I hangout with, which I made thanks to the local straddler group, maybe a bad influence. I told her I made these friends via internet, but didn’t say what service/site or that their queer(which is really none of their concern if my friends are queer or not). My father on the other hand, I told him the other month to refer to me as his child, not son, and he said sure. It hasn’t come up yet, but I hope he remembers my preference.

        I’ll be glad to share if an opportunity comes up, or I see something interesting to share here. :+}

  12. Also I made this!!!

    It’s a Humvee! =) And it’s probably my new favorite next to my tanks! Look at the machine guns. It’s zombie ready.

  13. Rachel! HOW DID YOU GET A-LIST IN THE KIM K GAME?! I can’t even get D-list or a girlfriend and have to shake down the pigeon at LAX for money on the daily.

    • it takes a lot of commitment and also you have to pose naked for a photoshoot at some point

  14. My SO and I are currently raising a litter of puppies. A stray dog came into our life unexpectedly two months ago. She was dirty and homeless, and our search for her original owner remained fruitless. We decided to keep her, because why not, we have the space and time for her. Plus, it’s not like 60$ a month for food, another 20$ on treats, poop bags and other utilities, 40$ a season for grooming, 100$ here and there in a year for random vet checkups and 350$ for spaying/neutering are going to burst our budget.

    Or is it? :P

    It soon became obvious, though, that the miss doggie we had grown fond of was quickly expanding, her volume doubling very rapidly. A vet announced to us that she was in fact a wonderful, magical living container of sorts, filled with 5 of her tiny clones.

    Miss doggie exploded 5 weeks ago, and we’ve lovingly been picking up poop and piss ever since.

    The babies are currently in their “must put everything in my tiny mouth and destroy it” phase. Which is cute when they pick shoelaces or shirt sleeves, and painful when they target fingers, or your left boob.**

    Photo evidence of the cuteness :
     photo 64db2098-6360-4953-98e4-9a3551ab0d52_zps871e8232.jpg

    P.S. Take my word, those were a lot less trouble, back in the day.
     photo puppysurprise_zps673915b0.jpg

    **Note to self : cuddling baby dogs butt naked while eating a huge bowl of cereals with milk in the pee-puddles-filled babyroom is not a good idea. Tons of bad things are bound to happen.

  15. Went to leave the house for a post office run, got a flat tire. Have go to visit the future in laws this weekend. In other words send help and cookies?

  16. I got dumped and now she’s being a jerkface to me. You know what would help cheer me up is if you posted a picture of an adorable animal being adorable.

  17. I can’t even begin to describe my week! There have been some of the lowest lows I have ever experienced from major life changes and also the highest high! I met lots of people, meditated, went on a date that was so amazing I’ve been in a daze since, and applied for a job in a suit at least a size too big.

    Here’s me looking all respectable. Wish me luck!

    This is literally my head and heart right now:

    Tonight I’m going to see Sophie B Hawkins & wishing a certain someone was with me.

  18. Life has been super great, in part because I’M NOW DATING THE MOST AMAZING HUMAN EVER!!! We actually met at the Autostraddle Pride Meet up in my area, and a fellow straddler played matchmaker as we were both shy, cause finding AS is like the gift that just won’t stop making my life better.

    I also became friends with amazing queers who reminded me that Camp is in many ways a state of mind, and we can bring the joy of that experience into the rest of our lives when surrounded by the right people. I am feeling so blessed and happy and gay(but also kinda worried and waiting for the other shoe to drop since things have been going so well).

    • Awwwww Kaly! Be sure to come back and visit. You were one of the several people who made pride extra awesome for me. Try not to fear the shoe too much. You’ve got people here if/when you need us. We can help vanquish any shoes as needed. Or you know… Just dance. Whatever. :)

  19. Gonna socialize a lot this weekend, which is probably a good thing. Also, currently alone in my house so I’ve been singing all over the place

  20. My partner and I got our marriage license today.
    Here is the cutest picture of us ever.
    Unless I screw up the html, in which case, just trust me on it. We are cute.

  21. I am teaching intensive summer EFL courses for pre-teens/teens right now and it’s exhausting, but sometimes the kids produce entertaining work and I feel better. Here is an extract from one of the written assignments I received today:

    “One day there was a monster in the street and he went to eat me but my friend Rodrigo went to save me and he said to the monster, ‘Don’t eat my friend!’ And the monster said, ‘Okay!'”

    … the assignment was ‘tell a true story that happened to you’!

  22. This last week has been amazing and I had the best day/date ever on Wednesday and my life is full of all the greatest things and I got a raise today and I’m going on a third date Sunday and A+ is a thing now which is very cool – I’m so glad I could support this website which has done so much for me recently and *brb hyperventilating*. Okay, so like everything is going so amazingly and I don’t want any of it to ever end.

  23. I have had such a dumb week. Every space in which I am still closeted has become suffocating.

    This week, my boss, who is a man twice my age, hit on me. My manager, who’s currently having an affair with him, lost her shit as a result. Which is really inappropriate behaviour from both of them on about 8 different counts. But mostly all I was thinking was, “HOW CAN YOU NOT TELL I AM A GIANT LESBIAN WHO COULD NOT BE LESS INTERESTED IN SOME OLD CREEPY GUY, AND PLEASE, PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.”

    I need to find a job where I can be out asap/a space where men just leave me the hell alone and yet I don’t think that is even remotely feasible.

    I’m rambling a bit now; I had 3 other situations this week in which I also thought “this would be so much easier if they/he/she just knew I’m queer.” That is still a new idea to me. Things being better when people know that about me.

    • I am so sorry. That’s shitty and not fair. I am angry on your behalf and kind of want to kick people for you.

    • Depending on where you live that is totally possible, or just work somewhere with a lot of queer men, though that maybe leads to it’s own issues as this site has mentioned a few times.

  24. hiya straddlers!

    I had the week off from all my evening jobs and I have been reading on the porch a whole bunch and eating hella popsicles. I’m making sour cherry goat cheese ones this weekend. HELLA.

    and today is the last day at my kinda-rough job working with homeless folks, I’m leaving to go get licensed (as a clinical social worker) and take some time off to regroup. I have some odd jobs/part time things lined up, and have savings and a gf to help me float for the next few months, and I am just excited to enjoy the summer, read, do crafty stuff, spend time with my friends, go swimming, take the dog on long rambling walks, go for bike rides, wear floppy hats. super happy. it’s been a long haul. tonight we’re going to my favorite puerto rican restaurant for some beers and pulled pork to say so long farewell to my job, and it’s gonna be rad.

  25. I just want to tell all of you Summiteers how incredibly happy I am to read the brilliance and wit of all of you. There is nothing more emotionally intoxicating as an intellectual and open minded woman who writes with perception and humor. You are all leaders and role models for all of us who seek gender and sexuality understanding and acceptance through knowledge rather than social constructs.

  26. I’m doing an internship this summer, and found out yesterday that I got the position over a couple of kids from way more prestigious colleges than I go to, and that they decided that they wanted me over an actual guy who works for the DEP. And I’m housesitting to cats, and I love cats, and I’ve never had cats of my own because my parents are dog people, so here’s a picture of one of the cats because I can. This is Zink, who has decided that between me and my book is the best place to be.

  27. I went to Tulsa this week to teach an insurance subrogation course and I used the autostraddle queer girl city guide. It was awesome. Plus there was a badass lesbian taking my class that graciously took me out on the town with her and her girlfriend and I wore a raccoon baculum necklace and generally had an amazing kickass time. Also ate at a taco truck today!

    And and and I have dates plural this weekend and I am on my way back home to kentucky and I signed up to be an A+ member in the airport and life had been kind to me this week!

    • i hope your dates are wonderful! what is subrogation? what is a baculum? i have so many questions!

      • A baculum is a penis bone….it’s super weird but also kinda cool? Also the girl who makes the necklaces sources her animal bones from road kill…that’s a lot of information I now realize. And subrogation is when an insurance company recovers their costs from the actual liable insurance company. So if your health insurance pays for your auto accident damages, they go back and bill your auto insurance, who should have paid first. It sounds boring but I actually find it super fascinating.

  28. Well,I am German, and went to a pub to watch the game outside with a few friends at a pub on Monday, and there was so much free schnaps, they were just passing the bottles around after goal number two or three:-)
    Watched the game on wWdnesday with a bunch of co-workers,one of whom I now owe a Batman shirt to, because I bet him that the Netherlands would win the penalty shoot out, and I think a lot of us,especially the Europeans, are going to sleep a lot next week from sheer exhaustion.
    On another note, a street musician was playing a lonely accordeon yesterday, and the melody that drifted in through the open windows in the summer weather was “Hevenu Shalom Alechem”.
    I wish all of you summer and good company and lots of joy, and remember to gently carry the bugs outside,where they cannot be stepped upon.

    • welp, now shalom aleichem is in my head
      i feel like the only song that has drifted through my open windows this summer is ‘you’ve got time’ as all my neighbors binge-watch orange is the new black repeatedly

  29. The bad – landlord raised my rent again.

    The good – I might see my crush tomorrow.

    p.s. Laura Dern.

  30. Okay, good/bad break down:

    The good: I got my AP scores back, and despite being terrified, managed to pull through with 5’s. Also finished taking my first ever college course! Which actually wasn’t as intimidating as it sounded, and I got to meet a lot of cool people.

    The bad: I tried to give myself a proper “alternative lifestyle haircut” and ended up with a HUGE crater-like bald spot on the side of my head. Oh well, it’ll grow back soon enough … hopefully…

    In the mean time, hats.

    • Wow, I don’t think I even got a 3 on any of my AP exams! Yes, just remind yourself hair will grow.

    • dayum, 5s? you rule the school. Also, it is totally punk rock *and* effective to cover the parts of your scalp that show through using eyebrow pencil. \m/ \m/

      • Aw, thanks for all the support guys :) And I’ll be sure to give the eyebrow pencil strategy a try while I let it grow out.

  31. Okay pretend the comment that’s showing up higher doesn’t exist! I was having technical difficulties posting a comment before, but now it’s hopefully working again. Also, I want to make some edits to the previous comment, because of course I do.

    I would make Grace write the bug into Lumberjanes as a creature they have to defeat.

    I got new glasses this week. Check them out in my avatar. They make me feel sexy and queer!

    The most surprising thing that happened to me this week was I ended up chatting with this hot, fascinating lady I just met at an event, almost every day after we hung out. We’ve just have these endless online conversations! I think she likes me too! Maybe? We’ve hung out IRL twice to chill and have definitely become friends. It’s been really fun laughing and drinking beers with her.

    I really hope we hang out again soon and maybe I’ll specify that I’d like it to be more of a Date this time. But actually I won’t do that, because I’m too scared. Anyway, we keep discussing potential plans, like going to the beach, or getting coffee, or walking through parks.

    Also she’s only in this area short term, like just for the summer, so I’m anxious about all of this, and don’t know what I’m doing, or what I want! Besides wanting to make out with her face, at least…

    I’m kind of freaking out honestly! Can you tell? Ah!! Breathe, Casey, BREATHE!!

    Also she said she’s going to this beach thing tomorrow and has a date. But that she’d love it if I “saved her from the awkward date.” WHAT DOES IT MEAN????

    • Please advise! It is an emergency. Should I go to the beach event tomorrow? And wear my bright red bikini? Yeah, I think I should. Okay, thanks for your support during this time.

    • Super confusing! I vote you don’t crash the date, but invite her to do something after instead. That way you don’t have to experience the awkward and if it really is awkward your hangout time will be super way better in comparison. Best of luck!

      • NO, IT’S NOT JUST THEIR DATE IT’S AN EVENT. That would be so awkward, NO! She’s taking a date, but it’s the Queers on the Beach Event. You know the one that Mal Blum wrote an article for Autostraddle [dot] com on?

        I think I should go!! Do you still think I shouldn’t?

        • She also sent me directions of how to get to the beach. (I feel like that’s also important clue information to disclose to all of you). WHAT.

        • Update! I did NOT go to the beach. I came to my senses. I figure I can stew in my jealously from home, as opposed to actually seeing her with a girl. Ya know? I deserve someone who wants to go to the beach and on dates with ME anyway! Because I’m awesome, funny, and hot. She’s a dummy for not noticing. :)

  32. Tomorrow I’m making the 6ish hour drive to northwest Arkansas for my grandmother’s memorial service next week. She passed away earlier in the year and the fam could only coordinate to get together now. I’ve been procrastinating getting ready because I’m still not sure I’ve even gotten accustomed to the fact that she’s gone, my last grandparent.
    I feel like I’ve really distanced myself from this amazing community over the past few months between work/ emotional life turmoil. But every time I come back around, I remember why AS feels like home. So thank you. <4

  33. We’re gonna need to see the picture of this bug. You mentioned it so many times, I was expecting a picture of this bug, but there was no picture of this bug. Bug!

  34. My coward girlfriend didn’t even have the guts to break up with me in person =/
    So fuck her!

  35. I spent some time editing some film for a lesbian documentary I’m making and it made me realize once again how grateful I am to be gay. GAY GAY MOFO GAY. Happy and gay.

  36. I’ve been drinking a little tonight and I haven’t been drinking that much lately so whoooaaaa is what’s happening right now in my head and body.

    Speaking of “I’ve been drinking,” I saw Bey-Z on Monday and this chick next to us vomited into her beer can before the concert even started. Like into the hole on top. Her mouth morphed into some sort of beak tube and she locked that shit down. Then a grandpa pointed at Beyonce’s thong-clad ass and nodded vigorously while smiling.

    I have to wake up at 4:30 in the morning for work, so I should probably cool it with the poor life choices.

    Also, I love you.

    • I’ve been drinking too! And now I’m tap dancing to showtunes, because that’s what I do when I’m home alone on a Friday night! Soon I’ll watch something on Netflix. I am so social, it is unreal. UNREAL.

      I’m jealous you saw Bey-Z! Minus the vomit part.

  37. Any of you introverts out there plan your weekends as you go along and then sometimes realize you committed to ALL THE THINGS AND OMG JUST LOOKING AT YOUR CALENDAR MAKES YOU WANT TO PASS OUT?!? I realized… just now… that many events I promised to attend all fall on this weekend. I know. I know. Boo hoo Whitney. You have too many fun things happening this weekend. But as an introvert I’m overwhelmed already and the weekend just started. Just wanted to share to see if anyone else can relate. I realize I can technically not go to all the things, but sticking to my word and not being a flake is super important to me. Soooooo glazed over Whitney for the majority of the weekend it is! I’m so glad it’s summer and sunny and sunglasses will save my “stopmakingsmalltalkatme” face.

    • I can relate! Sometimes I agree to do things and then I end up totally exhausted from social interactions (the introvert thing) by the time it rolls around so I cancel last minute. This usually leads me to leaving things up in the air ’til the last minute.

    • Yup, looking at one of those tomorrow, in fact. One of them is an outdoor thing that could be cancelled due to rain and the jerk part of my brain is secretly hoping for that…

    • Oh, I do this all the time! In fact, one of my recent resolutions was to stop flaking out on social things at the last minute, because I don’t want to be known as “the person you know will never show up to things”. So I’m being more careful about what I say yes to. I always make sure to schedule in some alone time (at least a half-day or more) into every weekend so I don’t get exhausted/overwhelmed.

  38. I am having a particularly sad week. My friend was shot and killed on Monday on the farm they were working on in California. So that is terrible. They were the first person I knew that actively worked to destroy the gender binary. I remember when they first wore a skirt to school and we had a huge discussion about it in my Environmental Biology class. It was eye opening and wonderful. The world is a darker place without their adventurous spirit. Their obituary requests that instead of sending flowers, to send donations in memorial to the food shelf because they cared deeply about the food shelf and for people without homes.

  39. I was going to write something here but then I looked over to the other end of the couch and saw my cat is sleeping with one of her back legs resting on a plush rabbit that I call Bunny Ball because it’s not so much a realistic rabbit shape as it is a ball with ears.

    And now I can’t remember what I was going to write because SO CUTE

  40. I finally did my last exam for the summer and it went pretty good, so now I can partyyy (read: hang out with weirdos and watch tv shows all day without feeling guilty)

    On another note, I realized this week that I really hate coming out to people. Mostly I hate the idea that I’ll have to do it god knows how many other times. I mean, it feels great afterwards, but can’t people just know? Without me telling them? God, I’m so bad at talking.

    • I don’t come out to people anymore, I just expect them to know. Then I act really confused when they say “oh is that your roommate.”

      But for real I get it. heteronormativity is dumb.

      • People keep assuming my wife is my sister/twin/mother (don’t ask me how…).
        It’s much more entertaining to not tell them any different…and then start making out.

      • I like this plan! I’ve been finding the whole shall-i-try-and-shoe-horn-a-reference-to-a-girlfriend-into-this-conversation issue exhausting recently.

    • Agree about the coming out. I kind of stopped doing it, and like Brittany, I just assume people know and then look at them weird if they ever reveal anything different.

  41. This week has been great. Laverne Cox is nominated for an Emmy and I got my new copy of Grace Ellis’ comic Lumberjanes today and signed up for Autostraddle Plus!!

    Grace, what did you do with the bug?

    • Ooh, the next Lumberjanes is out already?!! I forgot! Yes!! Okay this weekend is already not a total bust.

  42. This week, I’ve been rewatching Supernatural. It’s going slowly, I’m only on season 2. I had to see my husband yesterday, for the first time since I left him. He looks like he’s doing well, but now he’s texting, asking me to call some place that he got a bill from, and nobody knows why. I’m kind of uncomfortable with this, because I’m sure he thinks it’s because of me that it’s happening. Everything was because of me. Whatever, I’ll decide later whether or not I’m going to do it. I’m nearly out to everybody, I just have a couple of friends left to come out to, so that’ll be interesting, I guess. One, I haven’t told because I used to have a huge crush on her and she called me on it, years ago. I denied it, of course, but I knew the truth… The other? I just don’t know how she’s going to take it. Probably fine, but It’s still not a conversation I’m looking forward to.

    I’ve really been craving queso dip. My hair is getting a little longer since my haircut, and now it’s kind of awkward looking. I guess I’ll wait a while before I cut it again, but I’d really like for it to be less awkward.

    • HIGH FIVE to a fellow SPN fan!!! And go get that haircut, if you want! It makes such a difference, oh my god. Awkward lengths are the absolute worst. And yay you’re almost done coming out (for now, haha)! You can do it! I was crazy nervous at the time too, and it was all okay, and at least over with. Whew. *HUGS*

  43. First ever Friday Open Thread post!! My ideal taco filling: definitely shrimp tempura.

    My week has been…well, my partner/lover/boo-thing (we never decided on official titles) left this week for a month (possibly more). Which you would think is not a big deal right? But apparently after experiencing true love I am no longer capable of going 24 hours without cuddling and I JUST WANT TO CUDDLE argh.’s rough.

    On the upside, I’m going to a tomorrow! Any NYC folks want to come with?

    • dammit, I am apparently incapable of doing links. well, it’s a dark circus steampunk cabaret. next time…I will get this damn a href thing right!

  44. Neither. Morningstar Crumblers and beans. Corn. Take a picture.

    This week was aweful. My ex and I, who are bestest friends in da werld, seem to be growing apart. Not surprising, but painful. And I’m a shredding thread away from giving up on the lovely, intelligent artist I’ve had a crush on for several months. Her life is far too busy for me and her signals are mixed. I feel ugly inside. Battling it with creative work but still sad as F*

    • keep fighting it.

      I made myself start a tiny lil journal of stuff I’m grateful for. feels cheesy, but I’m also trying to not let the negativity win.

  45. My week’s highlight has been our anniversary dinner (14 years together!) talking about how we’ve changed and grown in that time.
    I’m also squealing like an over excitable mongoose about the program for the Van queer film fest that just arrived…oohoohooh def going to see “Drunktown’s finest” by Sydney Freeland!

  46. So my family is trying to find a new kitten for our current lonely cat (his old friend has decided to desert him and us), but it is seemingly impossible. NO ONE SEEMS TO HAVE KITTENS. It is extremely frustrating. People in our area are too conscientious about spaying and neutering it seems, haha.

    • Man, my mom’s best friend lives in the country and has a million cats, literally, they’ve have 5 litters of kittens in the last 2 weeks.

      • Haha yeah my mom’s best friend also lives in the country (we all do!), and they also have like a million cats bc they never spay or neuter any of them and it’s actually ridiculous. We got our last cat from them (or rescued him rather), and he was underfed bc there were so many other kittens and he never did grow very much. Poor kitty. But their current kittens are a little old now, and also we don’t want more of their kittens bc they’re so inbred…

  47. I’m visiting home this weekend so that means I got to watch Jeopardy! with my parents tonight! Also if there’s a bug I can just yell for my dad.

  48. I had a song from my musical (that I wrote) in a concert as part of a fancy musical theatre festival, so that’s where I’ve been the past 2 nights. (Video to come!)

  49. My week has felt like one looong work shift. I’ve worked 53hrs this past week, and have another 27 to work by Monday evening. BUT! Then I have all of Tuesday off and I plan on sleeping all day so I am very excited for that :)

  50. This has been the most insane week in the history of weeks. Work was incredibly lame and stressful and awful, money was equally lame and stressful and awful, and one of my oldest friends was a pompous, preachy ass to me when she learned that I was gay. So…that was less than awesome.


    I finally came out to my mom (on purpose) and my aunt (on accident). I’ve been holding onto it for so long and was so afraid of how they’d react, and they reacted with nothing but all of the love and support you could possibly imagine in the world and there are no words for the amount of relief I feel. On top of that, I had a kick-ass fourth date tonight with a super awesome girl I met on OKC and I actually feel like I could conquer the entire world right now.

    So I’m calling it a good week :D

  51. The Good: I’ve finally gotten permission from my parents to get my hair cut the way I want, and my friend introduced me to a really smart, witty, and attractive friend of his.

    The Bad: I have to start wearing my old feminine clothes again in order to get said haircut, because my mother demands compromise. I can barely get dressed in the moring without wanting to cry. My friend is not sure whether his lovely friend is queer or not, but my brain has been interpretting most of our conversations as flirting regardless. Like according to my brain, they’re hella gay.

    It wasn’t such a bad week, all in all. Hopefully the next will bring some more happy things my way.

    • Beck, you are so super strong and beautiful. How wonderful you have a friend that sees your heart and loves you for who you are.

      I’ve learnt through many dramas in my life to win the war, not the battle. It super duper sucks that your mother demands compromise, but if you flip that around, she’s trying so hard to accept things and support you. Just as you’re navigating this particular part of your life, she’s is too.

      And your hair looks super duper cute today.

      *all the love*

  52. My week has been pretty good. I finally get to hang out with my best friend this weekend; we’re going to go to the history museum and we’re going to go bowling too. We’ve been watching Gargyoles and the new Sailor Moon anime as well.

  53. Well ever since the Tour de France has started, I’ve been entertaining odd hours of the morning and questioning what it is that I love so much about this bike race whilst getting completely frustrated at the Patriarchy generally.

    Had a massive fight with my Dad and whilst I know I should just say sorry, I am just so over his behaviour. My Mum has cancer and he’s just so useless at times that I can’t wrap my head around it. Because it’s not about how I feel/whether I can cope with it – it’s about realising that Mum’s sick and you just get on with it and support her.

    Then there’s the whole come on girl, just get on with it and come out to them already. Not sure how much longer I can deal with the ‘go and find a husband’ comments without losing my head. My Mum definitely knows that I’m gay – and there have been so.many.times. I could have said something. I keep telling myself that the next time it happens, I will just be honest. And then I’m not. And I know there’s never going to be an ideal time to tell them. But I also wish that I didn’t have to tell them, because why should being gay be such a big thing?

    I can’t help worrying I’m going to die alone. And that’s not helped by not getting out into the queer community, but I live in a small town where that knowledge could seriously damage my career. I just want someone to love and a kid, really.

    I’m also looking at houses at the moment because I’ve grown up enough to buy my own place to call my own…and if I buy a place I can finally have my cat and a veggie garden and fruit trees and the life that I want for myself.

    Lastly, I finished my kick-ass mittens today to combat the incredibly cold weather at the moment (southern hemisphere) and I’m looking for the next thing to knit.

    So if anyone’s in the market for a super awesome lady who likes crafting, cooking and hanging out, with potential home to call our own, hit me up. Must like cats and kids. Feel free to BYO to both of those.

    • Come on community – don’t miss this phenomenal opportunity – organic super special combo!!!

      Also, sometimes people just need the chance to acknowledge things – your mum *may* be waiting for you to say something before she does. You also don’t have to have coming out being “a thing”. Another possibility is to just be who you are and not censor yourself – it will become clear soon enough! You are the one to know whether that feels comfortable/safe for you. Best thoughts and wishes to you.

  54. my week’s been kinda all over the place. I was actually fairly social which is cool I guess, and I have a new friendship I’m really enjoying, and man it feels good to make new friends. I told my ex yesterday though that I think I need to take a break from talking to her. I really didn’t want that to be true, so that kinda sucks. buuuut now I’m in Milwaukee for the weekend visiting a friend, and we’re gonna see welcome to night vale live on Monday night and it will be awesome. so, I dunno. life.

    also, as far as the bug question, I’m trying to be that person who’d want it taken outside, but I’m just not always. I did rescue a bunch of moths and a frog from the pool I was swimming in the other week, so maybe I’m getting there?

  55. I’ve spent the last week coming down from a very wonderful visit with my girlfriend in Boston (she’s in Boston and I’m in Pittsburgh, we’re long-distance but luckily only for this summer!). It was wonderful and we posted a shit ton of cute pictures on Facebook for all our friends to enjoy…but leaving her was hard and my first week back in Pittsburgh was a grumpy and frustrating one. I miss her. Also on Wednesday night I made the poor decision of watching Imagine Me & You AND A Room In Rome in one gay movie marathon, and it only made the feels worse. But I’m okay right now, and I’m getting used to the ol’ long-distance routine again.

    ALSO, yesterday night I went to the Warhol with some friends and I RAN INTO A QUEER EVENT BY ACCIDENT. It was a butch fashion show. Everyone was beautiful and I got to watch shyly from the sidelines because I am an introverted (and underage) newly-out queer and I didn’t know what to do with myself! It was okay though. Someday I will stop being so shocked at the sight of so many queer humans in one room :)

  56. So, 3 weeks ago I fell down during roller derby practice and made my team mates very worried because I somehow managed to break my ankle. I’m taking my plaster off next week, which is very exciting!

    My parents knew this recovery period would suck and got me a puppy to keep me company while I netflix all day.
    This is Kira, and she’s so tiny I made her a sweater out of a SOCK.

  57. I’m posting late because this weekend has been so busy! I went to a festival the last two nights and now I’m spending all day in bed. Also, I’m contemplating whether it’s too lesbian to have a baby shower for my kitten who will come home to me in about a month. Ha. Here’s a picture of Sir Topham Cat, my little guy:

  58. Urgh, I’ve not had a great week. Last weekend I found out my plan for camping out & using my friend’s kitchen & shower probably won’t work because she’s moving out and I’m not as good of friends with her boyfriend, the landlord, or the other one of my coworkers that lives there, so I’ll be really and properly homeless next month and I don’t think the free campground has showers (which is the only thing I really care about, especially since I can mooch of the wifi at work). On the plus side, I found out I can move into my on campus apartment around two weeks early (if I come in and do stuff for my advisor which makes it a drive to work but the promise of having a shower, kitchen, and such is nice) for no extra charge since I’d be getting sponsored.

    And then I cracked a rib on Wednesday when I was (whitewater) kayaking which means I currently can’t work one of my jobs and I’m just spending a lot of time alseep, drugged up on pain meds, and/or watching netflix. So I got my first day off like seven weeks, but I mean, I’d much rather be doing things and not be in pain.

  59. My younger cousin just came out to me, which is really exciting because I get to tell her all the stuff nobody ever told me! (Except Autostraddle – the big queer sister I never had!) Obviously I told her about this lovely website and introduced her to Orange is the New Black, because she’s still questioning and I think seeing representations of queer folk in the media is really important during that stage. What else do you think I should do to help her? I was also thinking of taking her to meet some of my queer friends and doing a sort of Q & A session. Thanks y’all! And I hope you guys all had a great week! :)

  60. Well, my week kinda started out bad, but then ended up being really amazing!

    So, on Wednesday, my dad asked me if he could use my computer, because he never brings his home and finds my mother’s mac too complicated, and so I shut all of my pages out and let him use it. Apparently though, he felt that I closed out my pages too fast and decided that I was hiding something, so he talked to my mother, and when she came home she took my computer while I was using it and went through everything. At the time I had Tumblr and Autostraddle pulled up, and there were several other pages that I had recently been on such as EC and the New York Dyke March page. I should mention that my whole family, parents, siblings aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and such are /all/ very very conservative christian homophobic people so when she saw all my stuff she got very angry. She yelled at me for an hour but the gist of it was that everything I was reading was disgusting and wrong, that I wasn’t really a lesbian that I was just attracted to “girl on girl action” (Which I’m kinda not, I’m ace) that I’m not really gay, that if I decide that I’m going to “be gay” that I will regret it and be unhappy for the rest of my life and that I will never find a girl who can make me happy like a good, god-fearing man could. And so on. She also had several comments about different posts about abortion and feminism that I had reposted. She basically just read through my whole tumblr. Because my mother tells my dad everything he knows too, and because my sister is a little nosy eavesdropper she also knows. :P

    However! Good, brilliant amazing news! On Thursday, I got my first girlfriend. :D We’ve been talking back and forth for a while now, and she admitted that she really liked me, and I got so amazed and happy because I like her too, but I was afraid to tell her. :) She makes me soooo happy. :)

    • Reese I just want you to know that you’re amazing. What a story. I don’t want to judge your family at all, but if they’ve got a problem with you being Ace (oh, and gay too) then that’s their issue, not yours. You’ve just got to stay true to who you are.

      (Side note: I nearly lost my faith after realising that I was gay and being condemned, but after many years I found Quakerism and never looked back. That might be something that helps you if you’re interested)

      And massive congratulations on being in a relationship. How wonderful for you. May you know happiness, joy and good times.

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