Autostraddle’s Ultimate Team Holigay Gift Guide 2016: What We Want Besides A Revolution


Illustration by Sophie Argetsinger

The world is burning, but we still need some joy from the little things. And with that, here’s what we really, really want this year! (Live your one wild and precious life while you can, y’know.)

Special thanks to Nikki, Raquel, and Bren for being wizards and making this post beautiful and highly functional! We are all blessed to exist on this scorched Earth alongside them. ❤️

Carmen, Straddleverse Director & Feminism Editor


Books About Hillary Clinton or By Hillary Clinton

I’m not over it. I want a second copy of Hard Choices in paperback because I love the photo of Hillary on the cover, Girls in the Van because I can’t believe I haven’t read it yet, Stronger Together to remind me what a normal policy platform looks like, and basically any other book with her face on it, please.

Desire Map Daily Planner

I’m gonna give The Desire Map another go in the new year since I’ve managed to scratch a lot of my big, scary dreams from the last time off my list. (Who knew it was possible!) And I’d like to embrace my inner rich white woman and integrate it into my life with this spiral-bound planner, please and thank you.

A Hillary Clinton Cut-Out, Also For You to Not @ Me

We had a cardboard cut-out of Hillary Clinton in my office for a while and I could not stop taking selfies with it. My new plan is to own one and just take it everywhere with me and pretend my one truest dream isn’t dead.

“Wild Feminist” Bomber

Oh come the fuck on. Why wasn’t I asked to be a brand ambassador for this specific jacket yet, honestly.

Erin, Staff Writer


‘Hello There’ Neon Light

Wow, what a steal to own some Michael Keaton/Michelle Pfeiffer era Batman memorabilia for your home! I mean this would be my choice, really, but any neon sign is a great gift idea because you can make customizable ones. When people are like, “What do I get the person who has everything?” it’s like, you get them a customized neon sign. Everyone would want a neon sign dedicated to them to put in their home.

L’CORE 24K Facial & Neck Mask

Honestly I’m constantly trying to put decadent things on my face, and this $10,000 gold mask deserves to be mine. I bet Kanye West has never had this on his face, and that’s even more of a reason why I need it.

ASOS CURVE Faux Fur Bomber

Wow, look at this perfect jacket. Not much else to say other than I hope it’s mine one day.

Laura M, Staff Writer


Leather Briefcase

I spend so much traveling for work, and the men I travel with are always divided into two camps: the young ones carry backpacks, and the old ones carry beautiful leather briefcases. I’m 30 now, so.

Brown Skin, White Minds: Filipino -/ American Postcolonial Psychology by E. J. R. David

Just some light reading for the holidays!

R2-D2 Ladies’ Reversible Pullover

Size large, please and thank you. It’s cold in Boston, so this sweatshirt is ~*practical*~ in addition to being adorable.

Laneia, Executive Editor


2017 Moon Calendar

This lunar calendar was made by Alma Reyes Evans of Ursa Wild Design and is sold by Holy Sponge, a queer-owned company with some of the most beautiful and thoughtful menstrual products you can find in this world. (If you’re in the market for a menstrual sponge kit or handmade reusable pads, Janeen happily has you covered!) I love this company and have been wanting one of their lunar calendars for a while. Maybe this is my year!



Concrete Moon Coasters

Once upon a time, my dad, who is now dead, gave me a set of four Thirstystone coasters with the University of Tennessee “T” on them and I LOVED THEM. Unfortunately I only have one single coaster left of the set, and yet I do not live alone, therefore I am in need of at least three more coasters, perhaps even four. These charcoal and white concrete coasters will look heckin’ spiffy in my living room. Also I’ll no longer be forced to confront the fact that I somehow misplaced three entire coasters from the UT set that cannot be replaced by their original purchaser as he is, as aforementioned, dead. Win/win!

Coleman Montana 8-Person Tent

Ok hear me out: I need to go camping. I missed Bonnaroo last summer and in doing so, missed my only yearly camping opportunity because I don’t own a tent in Arizona. If I owned this tent — this Coleman eight-person tent — not only would I own a tent in Arizona, but I’d own one big enough for all four of us to sleep in! Why do I not have my life in order by way of already owning this tent? Reader, I do not know. Let’s right that wrong. Let’s make 2017 the year I FINALLY go camping in this state and also learn how to build a fire.

Carolyn, NSFW Editor


B.A.I.T. Footwear

After months of wearing ballet flats meant for actual ballet as my everyday footwear and dress footwear it’s probably time for me to transition to something more study and less potentially disastrous if I step on glass, or in a puddle, or really on anything other than totally bare flat clean concrete.

I’ve been totally obsessed with shoes like this since seeing them everywhere at a dapper/pin-up themed event recently. I don’t usually care about footwear, but as a result of not caring about footwear, I’m in really dire need of it in the following categories: “could wear with a pretty dress and still walk” and “could wear to briefly walk the dog.” (Both categories have the caveat “but not another pair of black boots, you live in California and they are not as functional as you want them to be and thigh-highs are not always appropriate, okay?”) Are these the answer? I hope so. (Note that the ones in the photo are the Imsie Aqua Blue; the link goes to the company’s page at Modcloth.)

Fabric Earrings

To complement the shoes, duh.

Difficult Women by Roxane Gay (And Lots of Other Books, Too)

Lately the books I’m most interested include “non-fiction works about sex and sexuality,” “things about Los Angeles” and “things by women” (lately and forever). Eve Babitz’s LA Woman and Sex and Rage, Chloe Caldwell’s I’ll Tell You In Person, a preorder of Roxane Gay’s Difficult Women, a preorder of Alana Massey’s All The Lives I Want, a deep preorder of Kristen Sollee’s Witches, Sluts, Feminists and Zadie Smith’s Swing Time are all on my list.

Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but everything old is new again. I loved forever classic Black Honey — is it back? did it ever leave? — when I was 12 and I love it now and I want to take it everywhere. But now Fresh Sugar Lip can come too.

Njoy Eleven

This stainless steel dildo weighs 2.75 pounds and looks like pure sex. It’s curved. It’s ridged. I want it. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Mey Rude, Trans Editor


Catit Flower Fountain

I went to New York and Philadelphia this year and found out that all my friends with cats have these cute fountains for them that are apparently so much better for them then just having a bowl of water??? I had no idea! Now I do, though, so I want one for my cat, Sawyer, and this is the cutest one I could find.

A Garter Belt and Thigh High Stockings

I’m making bold new decisions about my aesthetic and who I am as a person, and one of the decisions I’ve made is that I’m going to become a garter and stockings gal. I’ve never liked wear pants, so I wore leggings a lot, but I honestly don’t really like those either (please don’t hate me). So I’m switching to dresses, skirts and shorts with tights and stockings from now on. I already have tights, but I don’t have a garter belt or stockings yet. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna look pretty fucking sick in these. Also, to be honest, I don’t know anything about lingerie, so please, if anyone wants to educate me, I’m very open to learning.

This Crushed Velour Mini Skirt and a Lot of Other Skirts

For real, you guys, I need some more cutes, I need some more cute skirts. Other than that cute velour skirt, I also want this sateen midi skirt, this skater skirt with poppers and this really short mini skirt.

A Freaking Rubber Paddle

So, this year I discovered something new about myself, and that is that I am a big, big fan of being spanked. This toy looks wonderful. This is the number one thing I want right now.

Alaina, Staff Writer


The Ultimate Wildfang S/S Button Up

Business casual is so hard when you’re still trying to perfect your tomboy femme aesthetic. I love the classic button down look with straight lines, and the fact that it’s also floral only makes it better. I’ve been looking for clothes lately that will confuse my students enough about my gender that they need to use gender neutral pronouns, and this shirt feels like a winner.

Bi Bi Bi Purple Tee

As a self-professed bisexual, I like to let the world know as often as possible. Sometimes, I just yell it from the top of a hill at sunrise, but other times I want to be more subtle and I think this shirt, with the nostalgia it will create for the early 2000s and Justin Timberlake’s frosted tips, will do just the trick.

Waist Wrap Harness

I’ve wanted to start incorporating harnesses into my everyday look, and this one is a perfect stealthy piece. It’s super minimalistic and also just really pretty and I want it so badly (I’ve been eyeing it on Etsy for months now). I could totally wear this while teaching and say it’s suspenders, right?

Tantus Plunge Paddle

I had it. I lost it. I need it.

Kayla, Staff Writer


Sleeveless Coveralls

I’m not saying that owning these sleeveless coveralls will change my life, but yes I am. I’m not really a clothing-obsessed person (in fact, I rather hate clothes shopping), but there are two words that tickle my fashion fancy: pleather and sleeveless. While not pleather, these sleeveless coveralls are nonetheless perfect. When I showed the photo of them to my girlfriend, she asked if I’m also going to get the model’s haircut and tattoos to complete the look and tbh, probably.

Bed Desk and other work-from-home essentials

Nothing screams “I WORK FROM HOME” like wanting a literal desk for your bed. Okay, so technically this product is called a “laptop bed tray,” but I am choosing to refer to it as a “bed desk,” which acknowledges my bed-centric approach to working from home while also making me sound like a damn professional. While I’m at it, here are a few other things I need to make my life as a freelance writer easier: literally a million unruled, hardcover Moleskines, a WiFi extender, and a Padfolio.

Roku Streaming Stick

Not only am I a freelance writer, but more specifically, I am a freelance television critic. So it’s a little absurd that I don’t have some sort of streaming device for my television.

The Clean House and Other Plays by Sarah Ruhl

Six months ago, I moved to New York, and now I’m writing two plays. So I have accomplished my childhood dream of becoming A Cliché when I grow up. I always have books on my wishlist for Christmas, but this year, I really want plays, plays, and more plays. In addition to this Sarah Ruhl collection, I also want The Flick by Annie Baker (and any Annie Baker tbh), Sweat by Lynn Nottage, and The America Play and Other Works by Suzan-Lori Parks.

Peak Design Everyday Messenger Bag

My sister recently got this bag in charcoal, and I am extremely jealous but also cannot afford a $250 bag. But this bag is incredibly well designed and has amazing features, which I know because my sister is an industrial design major and did endless research to find the perfect messenger bag. She knows what’s up. But I want the “heritage tan” version so that I’m not completely copying her.

Raquel, Forever Intern and Mysterious Scorpio #2

Blackwing Colors + Rhodia Notebook to Make Art With

I need art more than ever, and these are just really, really good pencils. I recommend pairing them with these great notebooks and this fantastic pen.

Buy an A+ Gold Membership for Every Person You Know and Some You Don’t Know Maybe Even

It feels weird to rep Autostraddle on Autostraddle but really. When I was a closeted queer youth, this website was lifesaving water in a desert of fundamental christianity, and it’s since been a warm respite of chosen family and support for me when I let myself get overwhelmed by current events. Now more than ever, I need us to be around for the vast landscape of lady-loving queers out in the world, closeted or out.

You can also join me, if you would, in being the change, sending supplies to standing rock, and subscribing to my rights.

Wild Feminist Bomber

I just want to warn everybody!! Also I want to start a girl-gang with Carmen.

Audrey, Staff Writer


Y’all I have no idea what I want for Christmas this year? It is 85 degrees outside and also we are living in a post-apocalyptic hellfire, so the idea that Christmas is coming seems completely bonkers. But here are some cool things that I might want if I were a person who lived in a universe where Christmas was approaching.

Some poetry books like Rise of the Trust Fall

By Mindy Nettifee, which I was sure I owned but I do not, somehow!

Sennheiser HD 598 Over-Ear Headphones

The whole time I was living out of the U.S. I promised myself that I would invest in high-quality headphones that I leave on my nightstand and don’t stuff into a backpack so maybe these could be them I don’t know!!

Collar Clips

As usual I want literally every piece of jewelry and tiny accessory Topman makes, but most of all look at these collar clips.

But really

Probably don’t buy me a present and just give your money to your local LGBT youth organization. Sorry for all the nihilism. Happy holigays and I love you.


Karly, Social Media Co-Editor


Brainwavz Earbuds

I’m always losing or breaking earbuds, either by accidentally putting them in the washing machine or by shoving them somewhere and forgetting. So I found these reasonably priced earbuds that sound great and have controls for music and phone. They are always on my gift list now.

Majestic Leaves Collar Clip

Have you ever seen a collar clip so fancy? Last year I received an awesome octopus collar clip that I wear on the regular, but this one would be for fancier occasions and I love it.

Comfy Cardigan

Why are men’s sweaters so comfy and warm while women’s are practically see-through? The patriarchy. So I want this one that’s from the “men’s” department but will obviously fit my body.

Carrie, Staff Writer


Alternative Apparel Eco-Jersey Jogger Pants

I’ve been wearing the same form-fitting yoga pants to the gym for years and they don’t really jell with the look I’ve got going on anymore. My entire wardrobe should make me happy, even just the stuff I’m sweating all over. So it’s time for an upgrade! As someone with twigs for legs I am always a fan of skinny pants, and these look simultaneously comfy and polished enough that I could also wear them to lounge around or go out for brunch. Versatility and comfort? Don’t mind if I do.

Livescribe 3 Smartpen

I write all of my first drafts by hand — it keeps the ol’ brain going and helps me not second guess myself as much. But once that draft is finished, I then have to spend time typing it up before I can do any real editing. I’m intrigued by smartpens because they could help me streamline that process; this one converts your handwriting to searchable text and I believe (?) lets you save to Google Drive, which may very well change my life. The fact that you have to use Livescribe paper is a bummer, but you can print it out yourself on a laser printer, so at least that part wouldn’t be hellishly expensive.

Rosetta Stone Spanish (Latin America), Level 1-5 Set

I’ve got some solid reasons to learn Spanish (living in Los Angeles, having a sister and future brother-in-law who live in Mexico, volunteering with future election campaigns, etc.) and have forgotten much of what I picked up in high school, so I need to get back on track. I’m using Duolingo right now and it’s great, but I’ll want something heftier soon enough.

Wildfang Avalon Boyfriend Blazer

Buying “boyfriend” anything always feels a little ughhh to me, but honestly I’ve always wanted a jacket with elbow patches to complete my professorial look. I am a librarian by day, after all. It’s basically a requirement.

Books to Prep for the Revolution

I’m bracing for the Trump era by strengthening my knowledge base and making myself a better resource. That means reading a ton, including all those books I’ve only seen in excerpt or not yet absorbed at all. So this round I’m asking for Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in America by Melissa Harris-Perry, Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde, My Body Politic by Simi Linton, and We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Other recommendations welcome.

Maree, Staff Writer


A Companion for My Harness, Finally (sadly not a pony though)

I am mesmerized by these here Vixskin “realistic feel” dildos, MESMERIZED I TELL YOU. Despite that mesmerization, it has taken my girlfriend and I about four months to decide on the Mustang Royale (we already have a harness mind you but nothing to put in it because, I don’t know, brunch?). This may finally be The One and now all that’s left is for it to appear, as if by magic, on a cozy holiday morning (nudge nudge).

The Secret History of Twin Peaks by Mark Frost

I was very late to the Twin Peaks party but I have made up for it in obsessiveness. I’ve got my fingers crossed this book will reveal that the Log Lady is the badass lesbian character we all know she was. No spoilers if you’ve read it already please.

A Mother Lode of Dr. Jart+ Sheet Masks

Look, sheet masks will not save us and I know this and yet somehow when I use one before bed I wake up feeling like I can conquer the world with my face. For example I spent the whole day after the election either openly sobbing or squeezing my eyebrows together in an effort not to openly sob (as I know pretty much the entire sane world did too), so I slapped one of these babes on that night and the next day someone told me I looked refreshed. Like, LULZ but also the power is real.

Ali, Geekery Editor


Donations to Emily’s List

It’s actually the only thing I really truly want for Christmas. Everything else on this list is an “if I absolutely had to pick” situation, because the most important thing to me in the world right now is more women in politics. I want a drastic overcorrection. There’s a damn reason men aren’t allowed to be Empress in my D&D 5e homebrew.

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Because of course I want this. I want to throw all sorts of different kinds of Beholders at my players. I want all sorts of weird ass monsters. Side note, all my players want for Christmas is for no one to get me Volo’s Guide To Monsters.

The New Betrayal Expansion

My first ever Betrayal experience was with a bunch of Straddlers at A-Camp. I’ve played a bunch since then. This boardgame is really cool and I want more of it.

An All-Weather Coat for Edith Windsor The Dog

My wife and I panic adopted a puppy to help us cope with this, the year of our collective dumpster fire 2016. She is a perfect angel and we love her. But she also is convinced that she melts in the rain. I cannot even imagine how she’ll feel about sleet. She was born in June so she’s never seen winter before God help us all.

KaeLyn, Staff Writer


Liquid Liner as Black and Durable as My Broken Feminist Heart

My makeup look going into 2017 is a bare, stricken face holding back tears with an intense black cat-eye so pointy and sharp and infallible it stabs the patriarchy right in the face.

Teething Necklace for My Femme Mom Life

I don’t usually leave my home without accessories, but necklaces and dangly earrings don’t go well with small grabby baby hands. This necklace isn’t exactly passable as a regular non-mommy necklace, but it’s cute enough and I don’t have to fret if the baby wants to make a nom out of it.

LifeSpan Treadmill Desk

I’ve wanted a treadmill desk since I learned about them existing. I had this desk, I’d have the best home office ever. Or maybe I’d even take it to my work office and be the envy of my coworkers. Or maybe I’d share it with them. Either way, it definitely would improve many conference calls.

Riese Bernard, CEO/Editor-in-Chief/CFO


Styled: Secrets forArranging Rooms, from Tabletops to Bookshelves

This is a book of secrets! SECRETS. If I read this book then I will know how to arrange tabletops so well you’ll come over and be like, “damn, this girl must know some secrets.”

skyn ICELAND Hydro Cool Firming Eye Gels, 8 pairs

These are so great, especially if you frequently find yourself hungover from alcohol or from crying too much. But they’re also really expensive and every time I buy another pack, I have an existential crisis.

Sorel Caribou Boots

These seem like boots for a person who is very serious about winter and wants to be ready for it.

Atlas Obscura: An Explorer’s Guide to the World’s Hidden Wonders

I love traveling and seeing weirdo things and I want this on my shelf and then on my to-do list.

Mid-Century Media Console

I think it would really tie the room together but I can’t tell you why. It’s a secret!

Stef, Vapid Fluff Editor


Go To Extremeties Jewelry Stand

I stand proudly behind my desire to own skeleton everything, and this jewelry stand matches my room perfectly because it’s clean, minimalist and creepy as fuck. Buy me this jewelry stand so I can hang my animal skeleton necklaces from its bony fingers. Buy me this jewelry stand so I can come one step closer to taking over for whoever names household items at Modcloth.

IK Multimedia iRig Mic

Recently at A-Camp, I’ve taken up the habit of performing red carpet interviews like a scruffy queer Joan Rivers, asking campers and staff alike about their outfit choices and excitement regarding whatever black-tie affair we’re currently attending. However, because this idea happened relatively organically, I’ve been using a microphone as a stick, which is a fantastic sight gag but (surprise!) lends itself to terrible audio. With this microphone, I could finally join the pros.

Soondar® Super Bright 20-LED Bicycle Bike Rim Lights – Personalized LED Colorful Wheel Lights

Listen, I don’t like it any more than you do, but I bike to work. I bike in New York City. Usually when I tell people this, they shrink back and tell me, “I could never do that! I’d be terrified!” and listen, you’re right. When I’m pedaling home in the middle of the night, I want my bike to scream to passing motorists that they shouldn’t hit me because I’m A) right there and B) possibly a horseman of the apocalypse. These eerie red lights should help me accomplish the desired effect.

KLASTRAPS Bling Guitar Strap

I saw Sleater-Kinney play a while back and was inspired by Carrie Brownstein’s glittery gold guitar strap, so I immediately went home and googled glittery gold guitar straps. From what I can tell, Carrie’s strap probably cost about a million dollars, but these guys are only $40 and gorgeous. I already have (and love) one in gunmetal and currently need one in hot pink.

Heather, Senior Editor


Himalayan Salt Lamp

If I understand it correctly, Himalayan salt lamps are like a Patronus you plug into the wall and sit on your desk. They radiate cheer and repel Dementors (and also something about ions?). I would like to have a desk Patronus. I think that would make the winter easier.

Skyrim Special Edition for PS4

It’s been too long since I punched a dragon out of the sky.

UrbanEars Headphones

I need some new headphones and these are the ones I like because they come in happy colors and last a long time and don’t take up too much space in my backpack and sound good and aren’t as expensive as a lot of other headphones.

Grandpa Slippers

I wore out my other grandpa slippers and so I need a new pair because I live in New York City and my landlord doesn’t believe in the law about how he’s supposed to make my apartment a livable temperature in the daytime.

Toast Handwarmers

Wireless USB-chargeable handwarmers for keeping your hands toasty while you’re typing and reading and playing video games and they’re shaped like literal toast! Everyone needs these, in my opinion.

Yvonne, Senior Editor


Black Blazer

The black blazer I currently own is a little dated in style and also has a weird bleach stain on the arm, which I have no idea how it got there. I want to look cool and stylish with a fresh blazer.

Passion Planner

I tried out the smaller Passion Planner and it was just too small to write in all the things I wanted. I love the layout and really want to focus on my goals for the coming year.

Bose Wireless Headphones

Yo, I’ve been wanting fancy ass headphones for a very long time. I just want to drown out the world and focus on my work in peace, ok.

Gold Stud Earrings

Look, I know I could get these at H&M or Forever 21 for like $5 but I’ve done that and they always get discolored after a few months and aren’t wearable anymore. I want the real deal and why not invest in a pair of solid gold earrings to wear daily for years. I love these circle studs because they’re simple and go with everything.

Portable Battery Pack

I’m guilty of always having my phone on the verge of dying, especially when I’m out and about or traveling and there’s no outlet in sight. This pisses my mom off more than anything and I mean, I annoy myself when I do this. It mystifies me why I just don’t charge my phone before I leave the house but that’s neither here nor there. I need a portable battery pack to help me out, especially when I’m traveling.

Nikki, Intern


Audio Technica Turntable

I won’t for one moment let you think I’m a music expert. You can ask anyone around me what my favorite songs/songs on repeat and it won’t make me look cool. I just love the sound of vinyl and it reminds me of my grandparents and not being able to touch this thing that I always wanted to touch. I can’t wait to touch this so much.

The Soul of an Octopus

This book has been on my wish list for months. I found out about this book by reading a story online about an octopus that escaped its enclosure by figuring out when the security guard made checks. I love animals so much.

Sloth Garland

I feel like my yearly holigay gift guide should contain at least one sloth. This garland will decorate my bare walls. I need more sloth in my life.

Molly Priddy, Feelings Rookie contributor


Duchess Clothier custom waistcoat

When I got married last year, I knew I didn’t want a wedding dress – I wanted a slick-ass suit. So I went to Portland, to Duchess Clothier, where the rad staff measured me, helped me pick out fabrics, plan button positioning, keep my bust line in check while keeping me comfortable, and just being overall awesome. They still have my measurements, and I wear the waistcoat most of all. I’d love another one, they just fit so well and make me feel really good. (Also, more than half their customers identify as female

Flora Chelsea Boot

Wildfang is always a good choice, but holy smokes these Chelsea boots are gorgeous and I need them in my liiiiiiiife.

Sarah Boot

OK and while we’re at it, why not look at these beautiful boots. Oh god, I need these too. Shoot.

Custom handmade growler from Carlburg Pottery

Tim Carlburg is a super-talented potter in Montana whose business is centered on creating beautiful, fantastical, one-of-a-kind growlers and flasks for any beverage in your life. Since each piece is unique, there’s no real inventory, but the gallery of his previous work should give you an idea of the possibilities.

SOG Base Camp Axe

Camping is nearly impossible without a good hatchet or axe. I need to upgrade, and I’ve been eyeing this beauty from SOG Knives. It weighs just 2 pounds, 1 ounce, and is all one, forged piece, making it super strong. Ugh, now I want to go camping. Winter camping is awesome, especially if you’re into snow caves!

Katie, DIY/Crafting Contributor


Vintage Soviet Era Watch

These little beauties are not only an instrument for telling time, they’re a piece of socialist history that led to the democratization of luxury watches. Plus- they are dainty and badass.

She Wears the Pants: Easy Sew-it-Yourself Fashion with an Edgy Urban Styler

The original Japanese title for this sewing book was “She has a mannish style,” which that in itself would have made me want it. She Wears the Pants is the first Japanese sewing book (in English) to focus on a more androgynous style. Paper sewing patterns are included and I would seriously wear almost every pattern in there.

Wrap My Legs in Velvet and Call Me Nancy!

Maybe it’s just because my self-care needs have been pushed into hyperdrive recently but, I can’t get enough velvet. I wore a velvet dress a couple of nights ago and spent the entirety of the evening petting myself. I’m into it and I want more of it.

Switch Leather Harness

Ive been dreaming of owning one of these oh-so-sexy harnesses for months! Switch Leather Harness are 100% Queer owned and operated and take great care with all their designs to accommodate ALL sizes and genders. Plus- they’re the only leather strap on harness company that is both sourced and manufactured in the US.

Anna Archie, Cartoonist


The B.J. Dildo

OK so, Form Function on Etsy has been selling super rad, quality packers and stand-to-pee silicone items for some time now. They feel as great as they work, which is to say wonderfully. Recently they put out the B.J Dildo which is a hollow toy that creates a suction when sucked on and my sex life wants this bad.

A Glitter Chest Harness For My Genderqueer Chest

I honestly believe god intended my body to be adorned with this vinyl glitter chest harness by Gnat Glitter Kink. Who am I to disobey?

Put This On My Bod

I think this is hot and I think that I would look pretty hot in it.


Something pretty to hang in my room.

Casey, Contributor


Queer and Trans Artists of Color Vol 2

I need this book in my life and you probably do too. Art activist Nia King just self-published this second volume celebrating queer and trans Black and brown genius, with interviews with artists about stuff like preserving Indigenous languages through painting, the imminent trans women of color world takeover, self-publishing versus working with a small press, queer life in WWII Japanese American incarceration camps, and so much more! Some of the artists featured are Vivek Shraya, Cherry Gallette, Trish Salah, Inidra Allegra, Grace Rosario Perkins, and many others whose names you might not know yet, but you’ll want to.

Improvise, Girl, Improvise by Lilith Latini and all of Topside Press’s poetry titles

Last year the incredible trans-run and trans author-focused Topside Press published three books of poetry and shame on me I do not own any of them yet. In addition to Improvise, Girl, Improvise (best title ever), there’s also Never Coming Home by Tyler Vile and Which One Is The Bridge by Charles Theonia. From “wrenching romantic disappointments on permanent rotation,” a novel-in-verse from a slam poet, and trans women heroines living audaciously, it looks like there’s something for everyone in these poems.

Scissoring Eco-Red Champ Sweatshirt

I already proudly own a Lazy Femme shirt and the Bi Bi Bi purple tee

Rose’s Run by Dawn Dumont

And…one more book because really that’s all I want for Christmas, let’s be honest. I recently read Cree/Metis author/comedian Dawn Dumont’s debut novel, Nobody Cries at Bingo, and I thought it was the funniest book I had ever read. I’m a wee bit obsessed with her now, and must have her other book, Rose’s Run. It’s about a single mother living on the Rez who decides to earn some self-respect by running a marathon even though she’s a smoker who hasn’t run in twenty years and has no motivation. Along the way she has to do battle with a truly mean old spirit who feeds off women’s strength, which has been unintentionally been called forth by her teen daughter.

Molly Adams, Contributor


Fuel My Expensive Habit

Film is expensive so is paper to print on and so is a place to print so like if you’re feeling generous some hours at this communal darkroom in LA I’ll send you prints I promise. (And like honestly while we’re at it some color film would be nice too.)

If This Is True, I’ll Never Have to Leave Home Again and some other photo books that make me want to leave home even more

Robin Puy’s first book chronicles her journey on a Harley (are you sold yet or) across America mostly through the people she met and the details she saw.

Also I really want Peter van Agtmael’s newest book Buzzing at the Sill. He is, in my opinion, one of the best documentary photographers producing work right now. He examines the battles we fight both at home and abroad. And if you know someone who is interested in documentary (and combat) photography in general this is the sequel to one of my all time favorites Disco Night Sept. 11

And probably the one I want the most tbh is Gordon Parks: I Am You: Selected Works 1934–1978he had a truly a remarkable career and this review of his work is unmatched with moments ranging from the streets of Harlem to the pages of Vogue.

Poler Camera (and La Croix) Cooler Bag

For when I do leave home. I mean this is cute and it can double as a La Croix carrying case but it’s also practical—storing cameras in a cooler is the best way to keep gear from overheating in the summer.

Rachel, Managing Editor


Succulents Simplified: Growing, Designing, and Crafting with 100 Easy-Care Varieties, by Debra Lee Baldwin

Why do my succulents keep dying? I don’t know. But maybe Debra Lee Baldwin does.

Velvet Plush Electric Blanket

I’ve always had a lot of good reasons why I couldn’t have an electric blanket. I’ll waste a lot of energy, I thought. I won’t be able to get out of bed and onto the cold floor, I thought. I’ll probably burn the house down, I thought. Well, all those things are still true, but fuck it! Everything feels like a nightmare and I want to lay motionless on my sofa underneath superheated fleece.

Gravity Falls READ? Poster

I’ve been processing my emotions by watching and re-watching Gravity Falls lately (ordinary folk uniting to conquer a seemingly omnipotent, sneeringly condescending and manipulative evil being who wants to cause destruction and chaos just for kicks? Idk, feels relevant) and this poster (which hangs in the Gravity Falls library) pretty much sums up where I’m at. Why is it terrifying? Why is it in the form of a question? Why does only one book have teeth? What role does the fish play? I don’t know, but I want it in my office.

Ergonomic Latvian Incense Holder

In my ongoing quest to make my office a sensory paradise, I would like to have an incense thingy that doesn’t get ash all over my desk and floor. They have these beautiful ones on Etsy that are specially designed to not do that, and they are all from Latvia for some reason. What’s going on in Latvia. Can someone get me an incense thing while they’re there, like maybe one from this shop.

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Carmen spent six years at Autostraddle, ultimately serving as Straddleverse Director, Feminism Editor and Social Media Co-Director. She is now the Consulting Digital Editor at Ms. and writes regularly for DAME, the Women’s Media Center, the National Women’s History Museum and other prominent feminist platforms; her work has also been published in print and online by outlets like BuzzFeed, Bitch, Bust, CityLab, ElixHER, Feministing, Feminist Formations, GirlBoss, GrokNation, MEL, Mic and SIGNS, and she is a co-founder of Argot Magazine. You can find Carmen on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr or in the drive-thru line at the nearest In-N-Out.

Carmen has written 919 articles for us.


  1. Laneia- My mom owns that exact tent! She and her friend bought it together, and they trade off using it (we’re not usually both camping at the same time). It’s a great tent! We fit 4 adults in it (with 2 queen size air mattresses), and there’s enough room that you can stand up and get dressed. It will definitely fit your whole family in it.

    Also, this list was so fun!

  2. All year long I think, “Hmm, I should invest in some new toys.”, but then the holidays arrive and I completely forget I felt that way. What’s a girl to do? Add reminders to her phone? Thanks for the suggestions and the reminder at least!

  3. Can I ever 100% vouch for electric blankets. Because, because, you can PRE-WARM YOUR BED. Absolute heaven in the winter. Sleep like a cozy stone. So wonderful.

    Stef as queer scruffy Joan Rivers is wonderful.

      • Delightful; hilarious. Def need to upgrade from literal wooden stick to proper hand-held mic. Hope you get one this year, scruffy queer Joan Rivers.

    • yes! and if you put it under another blanket/quilt/comforter, you basically only have to turn it on for like 15 minutes and then the heat is trapped in there and it’s cozy for a loooong time

      so it is actually not that $$ even if you remember to insulate it and then turn it off !

    • The first time I used an electric mattress-topper in winter, I dreamt that I was lying on the warm sand at the beach. It was quite honestly the best dream I had all year.

  4. I’m rushing to finish my final projects so Mey this is the best I can do as of right now

    The Goods

    If you intend to wear for play any hose and garter set will do, but if you plan to wear for serious you need stockings like the above, Katie’s has the best most durable. And need the right belt, a sixer minimum

      • You’re welcome. :)
        Lingerie was something I had to learn too.

        Lingerie Addict is good source of information on lingerie in general and What Katie Did a good source for vintage cut lingerie and info on how it was intended to fit.

        Rago (they’re a “shape wear” company just warning ya) will probably have a good six strap garter belt in a size past L, but likely not anything frilly. Probably solid black and maaaaybe leopard print, which would go with Pink Ladies/Girl Gang aesthetic just fine.

        For frilly play 4 starp garter belts past L Hips and Curves will probably have more options and colors.

        Sock Dreams has good useful user reviews on how socks fits and they do sell some stockings too, are generally aces with product info; Sizes and fiber content.

        Oh and a word of general lingerie advice; Always look at the size chart and sizes available before falling to hard in love with a piece.
        Also hip measurement is like the middlish of your hips and includes your butt. I did not know that at the age of 20 when my cotton size pack of undies I had for about 6 yrs started to give out and bought something mercifully ONLY 1 size too small. >_>

        Lastly I’m dead serious about the sizing chart thing, my 40 inch hips are an XL in one place and a Medium Small in another.

  5. Audrey, I have the lower end & older model of the Sennheiser HD of for over a decade now and still dig them. It’s really the only headphones to last me that long without the need for the cables to be replaces(side note it’s user replaceable so you could always swap it for one with a mic and play/answer controls). I’m sure you know they are open air(at least mines are those maybe semi-closed), which means they leak some sound out and in(not the best a higher volumes in the library). On the plus side if you fall asleep with it on they are really comfortable, at least mines are.

    Molly I am feeling generous as I would love to support the queer arts(specially from Autostraddle staff), how can I donate to get you some darkroom hours or film? Side question, any reason you shoot with Kodak vs Fujifilm film?

    • oh I just saw this! That’s incredibly sweet!

      I shoot love Portra’s color handling but I only use it in my nice 35 (which takes my Canon lenses) – I prefer Fujifilm for my 35 point and shoot because I it gives it the disposable look / also I prefer Fuji disposables in general (unless a different one is on sale then I buy random ones in bulk)

  6. I really want that bag on Laura’s wishlist but not leather. 2017’s saga: will I ever find the professional, non-femme vegan bag of my dreams? Will I ever be professional enough to afford it?

    Carolyn, I loved Clinique Black Honey in middle school too! I think I just wanted it to go on as gothy as it looked in the tube, though.

  7. Dreams have come true, my mom wants to buy me the scissoring sweatshirt I mentioned but she wants to know what the scissors mean. Help!

  8. I actually just bought those Sorels this week (in eggplant), @riese. Even though it is only 40 here, they are almost too warm. They will be great when it’s February and -10° and I’m waiting for the bus. I hope you get some!

    I also have a salt lamp and an electric blanket on my list. But one thing on my list that I’m surprised not to see here: Mary Barry’s Baking Bible!

  9. Nikki, Soul of an Octopus is really excellent reading, I highly recommend. Also Sy Montgomery is a charming reader and, should you ever get the opportunity, you should go see her read because she’s awesome.

  10. I haven’t even finished through the list, but I wanna say that following Carmen’s Desire Map Planner link to the whole Desire Map site now has me realising what I needed to help me make sense of my life. THANK YOU FOR THIS LIST <3

  11. The njoy eleven is completely incredible for size queens and lovers of stainless steel!

    And anyone who likes the Tantus Plunge should try out the Fun Factory Bück Dich, it’s another wonderful paddle with a dildo handle. Bück dich means “bend over” in German, and it’s a bit of a thuddier paddle than the Tantus. One side of the paddle is smooth, the other is textured, so the smooth side can deliver some of that sting :) The dildo on it is girthier than on the Plunge, but has beautiful texture and is excellent to grip as the top! Also, since it doesn’t have a hole right in the tip like the Plunge, it’s easier to clean.

    May orgasms help us all through this difficult time <3

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