‘Women Wearing Shoulder Pads’ Is Full of Laughs, Lesbians, and Guinea Pigs

Adult Swim is home to many hilarious surrealist adult animated projects, and their latest is a super queer stop-motion series inspired by the works and aesthetics of Pedro Almodóvar. Think of any Pedro Almodóvar movie you’ve seen — from Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown to All About My Mother — make it as silly as possible, and then you’d get Gonzalo Cordova’s hilarious and visually imaginative Women Wearing Shoulder Pads. The eight-episode, quarter-hour absurdist telenovela stop-motion series depicts a wealthy, self-centered, and philanthropic woman who asserts her power by emotionally exploiting the individuals in her vicinity. It’s as Adult Swim as you can get, laced with laugh-out-loud gags in both style and tone. It’s Spanish-language, a first for the Cartoon Network block, and it also features a plethora of cute guinea pigs.

In Quito, Ecuador, during the 1980s, Marioneta Negocios (Pepa Pallarés) is a wealthy, ruthless, and egotistical Spaniard who resides in the city with her right-hand Gabriela Cartol (Coquita). She is a producer of television PSA commercials that aim to convert cuyes (guinea pigs) from food to pets. Marioneta finds out that she has a new rival: Doña Quispe (Laura Torres), a former chef who is now the CEO of El Cuchillo, Ecuador’s most famous restaurant and home of the famous cuyes dish. In the series, cuyes are more than just food or pets; they are also bulls used for fighting, and one of Marioneta’s situationships, the butch and suave Espada (Kerygma Flores), is a cuy fighter.

Upon discovering Doña’s 12-year-old daughter, Nina Quispe (Nicole Vazquez), is a cuy activist and has a huge pet she uses like a horse, Marioneta attempts to use Nina to make her a star in her public service announcements.

Throughout her busy and messy lifestyle, Marioneta finds herself being stalked by a mysterious figure. The suspect list grows long as her inflated ego either ostracizes or emotionally manipulates the people in her life.

In a post-Emilia Perez world where a straight Frenchman was lauded for LGBTQ Latinx representation, Women Wearing Shoulder Pads arrives right on time to course-correct.

The series was made by Mexico City-based animation studio Cinema Fantasma, as opposed to Adult Swim’s frequent collaborator ShadowMachine (Robot Chicken, Shivering Truth, Moral Oral).  I’m very familiar with Fantasma’s works (watch Frankelda on HBO MAX), as they are one of the best-looking stop-motion studios out there beyond Laikas, Shadowmachine, and Aardman. They pour so much stunning quality into each project, and Women Wearing Shoulder Pads is no exception. The series’ art direction recreates its Ecuadorian world with picturesque detailing in its background, character wardrobe, and design. Here, they pour exquisite detailing into body movement and mannerisms. I was truly astounded by this authenticity and attention to detail, especially considering this is all handcrafted. Plus, every furry guinea pig on display is cute as hell.

Part of the show’s greatest strength is its straightforward playing into its telenovela archetypes while retaining such a silly sense of humor. Gonzalo Cordova assembled many queer Hispanic comedic writers — including Francesca D’Uva and River L. Ramirez, to name a few — to work wonders, as the interplay between this familiar character study and comedy is well balanced. Many of its visual gags got a laugh out of me, particularly every live-action insert-shot of characters holding objects, only to cut it back to the stop-motion figurines. The hilarious, punchy dialogue and original songs also delight. The story it tells of Marioneta and her ego is well dissected and manages to genuinely surprise you in its narrative twists and turns, just like an Almodovar flick.

It also shares so much subversion across the board in its queer representation in terms of its characterization. Every character in its all-women ensemble is under the rainbow; sometimes it’s established out the gate, other times as a shocking reveal, and yet everyone is textured enough with dimension that you adore ’em all the same. My favorite happened to be Espada, who may be a suave cuy fighter in the ring but possesses the heart of a water sign out of it.

By the end of its rather short eight-episode run, I wanted much more of Women Wearing Shoulder Pads. It’s an absurdist riff on the conventions of Pedro Almodóvar movies while being a potent character study in of itself. These little wooden dolls and their adorable guinea pigs made me feel more than most shows I’ve seen this year.

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Rendy Jones

Rendy Jones (they/he) is a film and television journalist born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. They are the world's first gwen-z film journalist and owner of self-published independent outlet Rendy Reviews, a member of the Critics' Choice Association, GALECA, and a screenwriter. They have been seen in Vanity Fair, Them, RogerEbert.com, Rolling Stone, and Paste.

Rendy has written 30 articles for us.

Should We Be Paying Our Friends To Babysit?

Why Does It Feel So Different When It’s Chosen Family?

Q.

My wife and I have a weekend trip planned — our first since the birth of our adorable daughter! We’re friends with a couple who adore our daughter and have often watched her for short periods of time, who we call Aunt and Uncle,  and who said they’d be more than happy to watch her while we’re on our trip. But my wife is very uncomfortable with the idea of not paying them to do so. They have not asked for payment at all, but I don’t know what proper etiquette is here.  I’m not sure how I feel about it. 

On the one hand, they both have jobs and are financially comfortable, own their own home (we do not), and we are less so, mainly due to our daughter. However, they are starting the IVF process themselves right now, which we know from experience is very expensive. If we did pay them, would it be what we’d pay a normal sitter? Because MY argument is that if we are planning to pay them as much as a regular sitter, I don’t think we can afford to take a trip at all!

I asked my wife if she would feel uncomfortable having a biological family member watch our child for free and she said no, I asked why it’s different with chosen family. She said she knows it is different, but honestly I cannot put my finger on it exactly and neither can she! Is it a quid pro quo situation? That my parents would watch my child for free, but likely also expect us to care for them in old age? Would it make a difference if they didn’t expect that of us? I feel as though that’s not a sensical angle because there’s no way any amount of caretaking I do for my parents in the future would outweigh the time they spent actually raising me!  Is it because our daughter is my parents’ actual grandchild, a bond that remains for life, whereas it’s possible our child’s chosen Aunt and Uncle might not remain in their life forever, if they move or we move or something like that? Is it the exclusivity? That we can’t all extend free favors to everyone in the world, thus we tend to limit that dynamic to officially “familial” connections? That’s what family does for family? OR another thought, if they do succeed and have a child themselves, I can see us offering to babysit the other one’s kids a lot in the future, so in that case, it will all even out in the end?

Now that I’ve turned this advice question into an existential thoughtstarter —any thoughts? (And thank you, by the way, for everything you do at Autostraddle!)

A:

Summer: <3

I won’t go into the social side of why your girlfriend finds it okay to place childcare on biological relatives but not chosen relatives. That’s not my area. My area is compensation and fairness, because my brain silly.

From the top, I think it’s okay to want to reciprocate their labour with compensation. Wanting reciprocation is the sign of a mind that believes in fairness. And childcare is costly in money and effort – I’m sure you’re aware of that already. But compensation doesn’t just have to be money. It can be a favour owed, even if it’s not of the same magnitude. It can be a thoughtful gift or three from your trip. Something hand-made. And if they’re offering to look after your kid, I’d consider it polite to offer them something in return. It’s their right to turn it down.

Were I in your shoes and if my partner were fine with the care, I’d definitely express to these loved ones that you want to pay them back ‘somehow’. Even if it’s not money, you can tell them that you’d feel dreadful if you didn’t do something in return. Even just buying them dinner, bringing a small gift back, or owing a favour. Reasonable and kind people will understand your desire and let you do something small in return to ‘settle’ the debt entirely.

Valerie: I think a weekend is much different than watching her for a few hours while you go to dinner, and you do have to offer some kind of compensation, even if they refuse. I do agree with Summer that it doesn’t necessarily have to be financial. Regardless of their financial situation (which you can’t know just from knowing they have jobs and own a home), everyone’s time is valuable, and that should be acknowledged in some way. If you can offer them some money, that is an option, and I don’t think it has to be the kind of hourly rate you’d pay a stranger; it also does feel a little impersonal for friends who your kid call Auntie and Uncle. That feels more like something you would do for a less close friend, or if you had to ask them to watch your kid very last minute for some reason. Like Summer said, taking them out to dinner, letting it be clear that you know you owe them a favor, bringing them something back etc, are great options. And frankly, I think you should feel the same way about biological family. Of course, oftentimes grandparents are often clamoring for more time with their grandchild whether or not you need the childcare, so it probably feels different, but their time is valuable, too – especially an entire weekend. It really depends on the person. Even if you say, “let us take you out for dinner to repay you” and they (your friends, OR your parents) refuse and insist it was their pleasure, offering at least acknowledges that you know that they did something for you that they had no obligation to do and that you appreciate them spending their precious time to help you. Honestly, even a hand-written thank you note could go a long way to say “this is not an expectation or obligation you fulfilled” and that you don’t take their assistance for granted.

Kayla: Hey, I think it’s never a bad idea to offer money when someone does you a solid —they can always refuse! It’s a different situation obviously, but my wife and I travel a lot and often tap a mix of bio family (my wife’s son) and chosen family (our closest friends who live nearby) to check in on our cat. It’s generally understood that when it’s just a couple dropbys, we’re not paying (we often leave a little custom gift basket for them though!) but if we’re heading out of town for longer, we’ll offer money. Sometimes they take us up on it. No one is really keeping track. We’ll reciprocate with housesitting/petsitting if they ever need. I think if you don’t want to offer actual payment, a really nice gift basket can go a long way. You just leave it on the counter for them so it’s a surprise when they arrive.

Nico: Luckily, it’s just a weekend trip. I think that if you were going away for longer, it would definitely be wise to budget more for childcare ahead of time — but it’s just the weekend! It’s also your first trip since your kid came, and I am sure your friends know that and are looking forward to helping you all get away. And it also is a whole weekend! I think you should offer an amount of money that you can afford or some other form of reciprocity. Other folks have mentioned offering to buy dinner or giving them a gift basket (you didn’t specify whether they were going to be staying at yours or watching your kid at theirs). I definitely agree that you should probably always bring something back from a trip for friends or family (bio or chosen) who watch kids or pets. With all that though, I know you’re on a tight budget. Are there labor-based exchanges you can offer? You could invite them over for dinner and cook a nice meal (or two) if that’s more affordable for you, or you can find a way to help them out in some other way.

How Do Butch/Masc People Like Being Complemented?

Q:

Hi! Here’s a granular, hopefully not-stressful question for you in these genuinely awful times. I am a femme who dates butches, mascs, studs, chapstick dykes … I historically date people who don’t wear makeup or skirts, who love femmes, and who enjoy the erotics of that contrast. I have given different partners different compliments, but I’m wondering, how do butches/studs/mascs reading this like to be complimented on their looks?? “Beautiful” feels sometimes good but often fraught or too feminine maybe? Am I overthinking this, as someone who wants my lovers to feel seen in their masculinity? “Handsome” makes me feel like a mom complimenting her 8-year-old son before church. Sexy and hot are good, but what if the context is more sweet than sexual? “I really like your hair/lips/shoulders” is good too but not really what I’m asking about. Please tell me how you like femmes to compliment your appearance if this resonates!!

A:

Summer: I’m no butch and I suspect some of the other authors responding won’t be. But I am a nerd who spends too much time concocting compliments.

So they aren’t just handsome. They’re robust and solid. Maybe physically, but also emotionally and it complements you. If they have a traditionally masculine skillset with great utility, they’re handy and reliable. None of this precludes emotional expression or femininity. These are just conventionally masculine qualities that happen to be complimentary. Do you feel secure in their company? Lean into it. Tell them how sheltered they make you feel. If someone’s presence is easy-going but reliable, I enjoy their sturdiness.

I find that really good compliments can apply to someone’s personality and physical presence. The descriptors I’m giving here are like that. But there is a purely physical side. A countenance so steely could shape marble. You want those arms to snap you in half and reassemble you afterward. Legs to tame a rhino. A gaze that assures you that everything will be okay in an unforgiving world. Their touch is light as a feather, yet carries the weight of true assurance.

Try getting poetic sometime. It’s fun and can lead to some great laughs. Mascs don’t get enough compliments and it’s up to us to show them more love or make hilarious mistakes while trying.

Kylo: Hi, a masc here that predominantly dates femmes. Firstly, very sweet that you are considering this so deeply. I can only speak for myself, but honestly I love being complimented in lots of different ways! It depends on the context, but “beautiful” is certainly not off the table for me. If there’s an underlying level of gender affirmation and understanding from my partner, I can be way more open to any kind of compliment. Also, controversial — but I like “handsome”! Caveat, that I’m a trans guy, maybe my stud friends could feel differently.

Mal: As a Stud/masc-presenting person who has a hard time accepting compliments but enjoys hearing them as much as anyone else. I like compliments that feel like you paid attention (if you see something say something. ‘I love how you’re holding that. Your hands are so gorgeous to me.’’) or ones that are specific to things you find attractive, not fascinating but actually beautiful. I don’t think you can go wrong complimenting mascs from a genuine loving place. We all like different things and sometimes I didn’t know a compliment would feel so good until I heard it. So keep trying different things and thank you for considering us!! <3

 

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4 Comments

  1. I wanna second everything Mal said about the compliments, and also, I have never ever met a butch who didn’t like being called handsome!!?? Had no idea this was in any way controversial. If someone called me robust or solid I would probably not feel very seen, nor if someone told me I make them feel so sheltered. But it truly is so personal. Just be genuinely into the masc in question and compliment very specific things that you are into and that they feel good about. I personally have always wanted to be complimented on my eyes. There’s no rule saying mascs don’t want to be told they have beautiful eyes!!!

  2. I think lovely, gorgeous, beautiful, breathtaking, stunning, are all good

    the queer boys I date / am friends with usually also really like being called pretty and cute, but I realize that it’s a whole different kettle of fish being a fem or fem-adjacent guy / guy-adjacent person, and being a masc woman / woman-adjacent person

  3. for the childcare thing, to me it is wild that this arrangement was arrived at without a specific discussion of compensation. but I get that not everyone is as fixated on explicitly discussing things as I am :p

    for future, something like “we can’t afford to pay you x amount but we could pay you y amount and we would love to take you for dinner to say thank you; and if that isn’t workable for you we understand and will adjust our vacation plans accordingly” or some such could be good

    or just “could you watch your niece/nephew, and of course we will take you out for dinner afterwards” and then they can say no if they don’t want to do it for no money

Comments are closed.

What the Hell Is Going on With the Crosswalk Culture Wars?

feature image by Orlando Sentinel / Contributor via Getty Images

Although the abject horror of “Alligator Alcatraz” is and should be the major focus of most of the terrible news coming out of Florida, my home state has been making the headlines again for another infuriating reason.

Last Thursday, August 21, people in Orlando were stunned to discover the rainbow-painted crosswalk created as part of the Pulse Shooting Memorial and designed to help honor the victims was painted over by the Florida Department of Transportation (FDOT). While I’m tempted to place all of the blame for the “crosswalk wars” chapter of our ongoing culture wars solely on Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, his order to FDOT was — at least partially — the result of an order from the Trump Administration. In July, the U.S. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy ordered all 50 states, Washington D.C., and Puerto Rico to immediately ensure that all roads in the country are “free from distraction.”

In this vague order devoid of any particular definitions or proof of its claims, Duffy wrote, “Roads are for safety, not political messages or artwork. Today I am calling on governors in every state to ensure that roadways, intersections, and crosswalks are kept free of distractions. Far too many Americans die each year to traffic fatalities to take our eye off the ball. USDOT stands ready to help communities across the country make their roads safer and easier to navigate.”

Being that it is an obvious attempt to enable governors of states in the same culture war hell as Florida, the order doesn’t clearly define what “distractions” he means. So, in a tweet announcing the order, he wrote to make sure people didn’t miss an already explicit anti-queer dog whistle: “Taxpayers expect their dollars to fund safe streets, not rainbow crosswalks.” And of course, Governor DeSantis, the bootlicker he is, wasted no time in trying to make sure the major cities in Florida are complying with the order.

But if you know anything about the queer and trans communities throughout Florida, you know they rarely take these kinds of attacks lying down. In response to FDOT’s initial painting of the rainbow crosswalk at the Pulse memorial, people in Orlando showed up — not once, not twice, but three times — to cover the crosswalk in rainbow chalk that replicated the original painting. The threat of Orlando citizens returning over and over again to bring the rainbow crosswalk back to life became so imminent the state chose to begin allocating law enforcement resources to the area just to make sure people couldn’t chalk it up anymore.

Meanwhile, in the other major metropolitan areas with large queer and trans communities, the resistance against the Trump administration’s and Governor DeSantis’s order is just beginning to heat up. Chalked up rainbow crosswalks have been seen popping up on the west coast of Florida in Ybor City and Tampa. Responding to a letter from Governor DeSantis and FDOT that ordered all crosswalk art to be removed by September 4, the Miami Beach City Commission has vowed to resist removing the rainbow crosswalks that dot the city’s street. Miami Beach City Commissioner Joe Magazine told local reporters in Miami, “I want to show our community, the members, that this is so important, too, that we hear them loud and clear. We are here to fight for them, and we will always stand up for equality.”

Similarly, local leaders in my hometown of Ft. Lauderdale, which is home to the second biggest “gay village” in the U.S. after Provincetown, as well as local leaders in Key West and Delray Beach shared news this week that they would be joining forces to pursue an administrative appeal to the Florida Department of Transportation. At Wednesday’s Ft. Lauderdale City Commission meeting, Ft. Lauderdale Mayor Dean Trantalis said, “…we must stand our ground. We cannot allow us to be bullied into submission and to allow others to dictate what we should do in our own communities.” Although the resistance is just beginning to amp up, it seems as if most municipal leaders and local activists in cities where Florida’s queer and trans communities really thrive are on the same page about this particular issue.

South Florida’s NPR channel, WLRN, has also taken up the task of creating a living archive of threatened street art — including and especially the rainbow crosswalks. They are asking anyone from any community experiencing these kinds of threats to submit their stories and any supporting photos through a form on their website.

I generally don’t allow myself to get caught up in culture war related activity that doesn’t directly and/or immediately impact us materially. But considering Florida has been the breeding and testing ground for so many anti-queer and anti-trans policies that have been made national since the Trump administration began their reign, I think it’s important to pay close attention to how the “crosswalk wars” progress over the next few weeks.

Governor DeSantis, the Trump administration, and the rest of the far-right losers and failures who are currently trying to make our lives a living hell have explicitly said they want queer and trans people to disappear from the public eye. Sure, the dissolution of some rainbow crosswalks in various cities where they have already kind of faded into the background of people’s lives isn’t hurting anyone in the same way many of the other policies are, but these more minor attacks generally serve as the build up to much larger ones — all over the country, not just in the state of Florida.

Whatever larger attacks they have planned will most certainly have more material impacts on our lives, which means we need to keep showing them we’re not going to take it. Resistance via not giving into the demand, creating chalk murals, and through using legal channels like administrative appeals is a start. But in order to truly meet the demands of these times, we have to be unafraid to take our resistance tactics up several notches.

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Stef Rubino

Stef Rubino is a writer, community organizer, competitive powerlifter, and former educator from Ft. Lauderdale, FL. They're currently working on book of essays and preparing for their next powerlifting meet. They’re the fat half of the arts and culture podcast Fat Guy, Jacked Guy, and you can read some of their other writing in Change Wire and in Catapult. You can also find them on Twitter (unfortunately).

Stef has written 157 articles for us.

4 Comments

  4. “I generally don’t allow myself to get caught up in culture war related activity that doesn’t directly and/or immediately impact us materially.”

    Respectfully, too many have said that, on too many issues (nationwide). In 2025, ***intersectionality is not an option.***

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Twenty-Five Years Later, Michelle Tea’s ‘Valencia’ Remains Stunning Portrait of Lesbian Life

At the end of the world, I’d make sure to save Michelle Tea’s Valencia. For the uninitiated: It’s a lesbian cult classic, a joyful autofictional novel published in 2000. It’s “an exuberant, hilarious record,” as Maggie Nelson writes in the foreword to its new 25th anniversary edition, “of a truly unprecedented and mutinous time in lesbian/queer history – the San Francisco dyke scene of the 1990s.” It follows our narrator, Michelle, through a series of lovers and bad decisions, fueled by drink and drugs and the heady rush of being young, queer, and an artist at the epicenter of her world. When I first read Valencia at 19, I was living in San Francisco as the Covid-19 pandemic ravaged the city beyond. Because I encountered Valencia during an unprecedented time of my own, it’s formed me as a lesbian and writer; I have quite literally grown up alongside it.

My first time reading Valencia, I seethed with envy. I’d always known I was gay, but before I could start really practicing it, the world had shut down, like a massive cock-block from the universe, and I was determined to salvage the plot of my life. I’d sometimes walk down Tea’s titular Valencia Street, double-masked against disease. SF had changed a lot since the block-rocking ‘90s dyke punk scene Tea captures in the novel. It had become techy, certainly, more gentrified, and soulless. Besides, in 2021, lesbian life — free-wheeling cruising, kissing queers at bars, snorting their drugs, and taking one or more home — was no longer safe, or allowed. Reading Tea’s Valencia during this isolating time, I felt profoundly robbed.

Except there were elements, even then, of Tea’s world that I was experiencing. That year, I had a massive unacknowledged crush on my best friend, with whom I lived in a Covid-19 pod — and, because of San Francisco’s astronomical costs of living, also shared a bed. She was not the only girl I weathered Covid with that I ended up falling for that year. I was so transformed by these experiences that I became a novelist. Why wouldn’t I? Tea, too, is a writer who’s driven by her own life. “I could write about my own life as if I were creating a character in a novel … just slamming a bunch of messy, crazy, fast life into my notebook,” Tea wrote in the 2008 foreword to Valencia. “And I found that in the process of transforming my world, my life, my self into literature, my world, life, and self became elevated … Everything I touched turned to story, and it was golden.”

Tea, in her words, stole this practice of autofictionalizing from her own queer artistic foremother: the inimitable Eileen Myles, whose 1994 novel Chelsea Girls “was an electrifying experience” for Tea. “I could do this,” she wrote. It is sweet of her, I think, to cite her artistic inspiration — I’d joke enabler — as a queer thief of life. To Tea, archiving her life was a radical practice. Those of us coming up now are fortunate to have other real-time broadcasts of queer life; there’s a few lesbian women I follow on TikTok who post dating updates filmed straight-to-camera, as if spilling over FaceTime with a friend. Across generations, some things never change.

This year, I reread Valencia‘s special 25th anniversary edition released by Serpent Tail Press. This time, I didn’t read it with envy: I read it like a look in the mirror. “It’s a snapshot, more or less, of my twenty-fifth year on earth, written not how it happened but how I felt it happened, and how I felt about it happening,” Tea has said of the novel, and I thought, Oh. 

I’m not spiritual, nor a practitioner of magic like Tea is, but I felt the alignment. I’m in my 24th year of life, living in Brooklyn, which feels like the epicenter of lesbian world. I can relate to Tea when she describes herself: “I was twenty-three years old, had just moved to San Francisco, and these poems had allowed me to plug myself into the roiling early-’90s street poetry scene … I was psyched; I had found my dream community, and all I had to do to be part of it was run my mouth about what and who pissed me off. Incredibly, no one told me to shut up. They clapped. The mixture of butch dykes, shy girls, ex-bikers …… and other intellectual miscreants was astounding.”

Valencia is a portrait of a community, Tea a voice of her generation, as the eye-roll-inducing saying goes. There’s a stacked cast of characters, all real women: Petra, the knife-wielding sicko who rocks Michelle’s world. Willa, then Iris, then Spacegirl and Fate. I recognized these characters. I feel like if I haven’t dated them, one of my friends has, plus totally new characters too, as queer life becomes more diverse. We, too, are embedded in a specific cultural moment: the Brooklyn dyke and doll scene of the ‘20s, I can imagine them calling it. It is perhaps too precocious to describe something as a “scene” when you are living inside of it, but that is how I feel — inside an explosion of culture and innovation, with community events every weekend, a renaissance of activity after the pandemic, which ushered in the queerest generation to date. Perhaps I am more primed to recognize this rarity, this specialness, because it all feels so fleeting. Fascism is on the rise in America, trans people are under attack, and alarm bells are already being sounded against gay marriage, which has been legal for as long as I can remember.

But also, Valencia permitted me to romanticize my world. Around the time I first read Valencia, there was a trending audio on TikTok, the new rolodex and informal town square of Gen Z queer culture. “You have to romanticize your life,” a woman’s voice called. Cue swelling music, montage. I found these videos genuinely moving, jumpcuts of the big and small moments of ordinary people’s lives. This trend contributed to the rise of “main character energy” — a tendency to self-identify as a protagonist, treating my life like a movie others are watching. Equal parts coping mechanism and pathology, probably, main character energy emerged as a meme during the Covid-19 pandemic — arguably a brutal, disillusioning, undeniably literary era in my friends’ lives —  to give meaning to our experiences.

Michelle Tea had main character energy before it was cool. I can imagine her making questionable, potentially life-altering decisions based on whether they’ll be “good for the plot.” Her protagonist is often struck by the literary portent of everyday existence, searching for the detail that will later reveal itself as symbolism, the metaphor that will make it all make sense.

See the way she drags you on-scene in the opening passage of Valencia:

“I sloshed away from the bar with my drink … Don’t ask me what I was wearing. Something to impress What’s-Her-Name, the girl I wasn’t dating … Let me tell you right away, just so you understand the magnitude of my experience, that I was truly obsessed with this woman.” By the time she rolls into bed with Petra, who immediately pulls out her kinky knife, Michelle vows to “not enjoy it too much. I would be an observer. I’d observe Petra.” She’s young, inexperienced – “Put your fist up me. What? I had read about this once, in a lesbian book.” But within two paragraphs, when Michelle has started fisting Petra, really gotten her groove, the narrative changes – “I was afraid of breaking Petra,” she recounts, first bewildered, then smug. “It was pretty incredible. Knife-wielding Petra, more a force of nature than a girl like me, impaled upon my humble hand … It was the hand of god.”

This is not the only time — in the opening scene, even — that Michelle describes herself like a higher power. She masters her life twice: first as she experiences it, then afterwards in words. (Tea’s processing happens almost in real time — she wrote Valencia while still in her twenties, with a speed Nelson describes as a “missive sent straight from the mayhem.”) That is the author’s superpower — or villainry, depending on who you ask — to always have the last word.

But it’s a fleeting power, and a soft one at best. The truth is that times are getting hard. Even the main characters — those of us privileged to be born in the Global North, with access to healthcare and education and queer life — are starting to feel its effects. This is something Tea, a veteran of queer life and organizing, is aware of. One of the joys of being a fan of Tea is to witness her artistic evolution, a map of potential futures for myself. Tea, who currently publishes writers under her imprint Dopamine Press, speaks often about the importance of queer writers staying with the times.

“We are seeing history repeat itself again and again,” she said in an interview this year. “And at the same time, things are quantitatively better than they were in the 90s. Overall, I think queer people are safer, especially in progressive cities. I don’t know that we’ve had a government that [was so focused on] oppressing and obliterating queer and trans people before, but it’s a result of how much progress we’ve made.”

Of course, she continued, the “battleground has shifted,” and the stakes are higher because the very healthcare and “basic human rights” that trans people require are being threatened. “It’s wild. Trans people have never been so visible, and had so much public support, and also never been so demonised,” she noted.

If history is a cycle, I am returning to the original texts. Novels like Valencia offer a guidebook for navigating our times. Tea has spoken about her refusal to be nostalgic for the ‘90s — “When I was younger and saw nostalgia in older people, it really scared me. I never wanted to have that kind of relationship to my own history,” she said in that same interview. Gay people rarely peak in high school — it seems we age fantastically, like wine – but Valencia remains relevant. Wherever there are queer women, there are the ones who will run our mouths. We will live-stream and TikTok and Substack and autofictionalize our lives as we stand. In this way, we will live forever.

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Malavika Kannan

Malavika Kannan (she/her) is a Gen Z Tamil American writer. Her debut literary novel, UNPRECEDENTED TIMES, about queer coming-of-age during the pandemic, will be published by Henry Holt in 2026, and her writing about culture and identity also appears in the Washington Post, The Emancipator, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram, TikTok, and her website.

Malavika has written 5 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. Beautiful reflection on Valencia’s lasting impact 🌈📖. I love how you connected Tea’s chaotic, exuberant world with your own experiences — it shows how queer literature keeps evolving but never loses its power to shape lives.

  2. This piece really highlights why Valencia still matters, but I’d also love to see more attention on how queer autofiction is shifting today — especially with Gen Z documenting life on TikTok and Substack. Are we creating our own ‘Valencia’ for this generation?

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Meet the Two Out Queer Players in the US Open 2025 Women’s Singles Draw

feature image photo of Greet Minnen by Daniel Kopatsch / Contributor via Getty Images; photo of Clive Brunskill / Staff via Getty Images

While many lament the end of summer, it has always been one of my favorite times of year, in large part due to the U.S. Open, which I have been watching for pretty much as long as I can remember thanks to my tennis-obsessed father. We’re in the midst of the second round of the major tournament this year, and things are heating up. I’ve already stayed up way past my bedtime to catch some of my favorite players in Arthur Ashe Stadium during primetime coverage, including Venus Williams, who secured a wildcard to enter this year’s draw at the age of 45. While she didn’t make it past that first round, it was incredible to watch her still command so much of the court at what’s considered a very advanced age for high-level pro tennis. She’s one of the greats, and I’ve been watching her at the U.S. Open probably since a single-digit age!

Today is official Pride day at the U.S. Open, and as Autostraddle’s resident Tennis Lesbian, I felt compelled to touch down on some of the LGBTQ+ happenings this year. In an exciting development, two openly queer women made it into the U.S. Open singles draw: Daria Kasatkina of Australia and Greet Minnen of Belgium.

Minnen was knocked out of the first round by Naomi Osaka, who named her glittery red Labubu “Billie Jean Bling” and who has been seving some of the most stunning looks at the U.S. Open in recent years. But Kasatkina is still in it, knocking Romanian player Elena-Gabriela Ruse out in the first round. She’ll play her second round match against Russian player Kamilla Rakhimova this afternoon.

Kasatkina used to represent Russia, where she was born, but in March this year she announced she would start playing for Australia, where she has moved. She has been outspoken against Russia’s occupation of Ukraine as well as anti-LGBTQ policies in her home country. “With everything going on in my previous country, I didn’t have much choice,” she told CNN of the decision to change her nationality. “For me, being openly gay, if I want to be myself, I have to make this step, and I did it.” She identifies as a lesbian and became engaged to her partner — professional figure skater Natalia Zabiiako — in June. They are extremely cute and often vlog together about life on the WTA tour. She’s currently ranked 18.

While Minnen is out of the U.S. Open after the first round, she put up a good fight against the dazzling Osaka. She has been out publicly since 2018 and used to be in a relationship with fellow WTA player Alison Van Uytvanck, but they called off their engagement in 2020. She’s now married to her partner Marie Diels. They got married not long before the U.S. Open, in mid-July. She’s currently ranked 72.

Tennis has had a long history of openly queer women, including Billie Jean King, who was at the forefront of the fight for equal pay in tennis. Men’s tennis lags, Joao Lucas Reis da Silva of Brazil becoming the first openly gay player on the ATP tour last year. He lost in the qualifiers at the U.S. Open last week.

And while I am indeed excited about the fact that there were two queer players in the women’s singles draw this year — the most there has been in a minute — I’d be remiss to not also acknowledge the sport’s ongoing trans issue, namely the fact that Martina Navratilova, a very vocal TERF, continues to have such a significant platform at the U.S. Open and in tennis in general. She has been a longtime commentator for the event, and this year she’s calling matches for the British sports network Sky Sports. Pro tennis has yet to really reckon with Navratilova’s transphobia, which is even aimed at recreational players. At Wimbledon this summer, she had a spot in the VIP box for the women’s finals, brushing shoulders with Billie Jean King, who has spoken in support of trans athletes.

Navratilova may have been one of the groundbreaking queer players in a different era of pro tennis, but her TERF rhetoric undermines that legacy and furthermore is detrimental to the sport as a whole. We can see this clearly in a story like Cammie Woodman’s, a trans rec player who was kicked off her league in Brooklyn after an opponent made a transphobic complaint. Pushing players like Cammie out of the sport is bad for the entire world of tennis, and given that professional tennis was so instrumental to the overall fight for gender equality across all sports, it’s especially devastating to see players like Navratilova continue to spread hate unchecked.

I want tennis to become more and more queer. I hope to one day report a lot more than just two openly gay players competing at the U.S. Open. But we will not get there by turning our backs on our trans siblings in the LGBTQ+ community.

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1079 articles for us.

Is Your Ex Stalking You on Zelle?

The day before my one-act show debuted, I received a long text from an ex I hate.

It was shocking. I hadn’t spoken to him in years, and his number was no longer saved in my phone. Unfortunately, I had thought about him since our separation. A few stray thoughts. His emotional manipulation, his sexual antics, his financial instability and odious desperation had all haunted me at some point. I’d blocked him from my life in every way I knew. And yet, he’d found me — and just a day before one of the most important moments in my life. How? He was smug enough to reveal it in his text: Zelle. Zelle had guided him right back to me after nearly three years of silence.

When I read his message, which was too long and full of vile nonsense about getting back together, I remembered he’d contacted me before in a similar way. He’d sent me a single dollar on CashApp. He’d left that measly dollar in my virtual bank account for months. I did not take it. I did not react in any way. Then, suddenly, he took it back. Even the act of retraction was meant to be seen by me, to flag my attention, to serve as a reminder I was reachable.

Alarmed by his persistence, I told these stories to two trusted confidants. It turns out they’ve experienced it, too. One told me someone she was no longer interested in sent her five dollars on Paypal twenty years after they’d stopped talking. Another said someone she’d dumped sent her $300 on Venmo months later. She sent it back. People who no longer had our numbers, who no longer had our explicit consent to be in our lives, squirmed their way back in through the unseen cracks: Zelle, Venmo, CashApp, Paypal. Each one, a threat to our privacy.

On one hand, being contacted through a money exchange app could be little more than a nuisance, something to be swatted away like a buzzing fly. Maybe it’s even amusing or, dare I say, flattering. (Wow, I really put it on you, didn’t I?) On the other hand, if this is a repeated offense that fills you with dread and compels you to look over your shoulder at night, you might wonder if you’re being stalked.

And, technically, you are.

According to the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN), stalking can be defined as “a pattern of repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.” In the case of communication through money apps, this would fall under “[non]-consensual communication, such as repeated phone calls, emails, text messages, and unwanted gifts.” (Unwanted gifts. Like, perhaps, $300 dollars on Venmo?) RAINN does not include money exchange apps specifically as a form of communication, but it certainly counts. It’s usually an innocuous way to communicate, used by friends to split dinner, cover a movie, or finance a group trip, often coupled with a little note, an emoji or a word, a token of a fond memory. This, conveniently repurposed to find you when you do not want to be found. The very definition of non-consensual communication.

Stalking is exceedingly common. Safe Passage reports that nearly one in three women and one in six men experience stalking in their lifetimes. Most of the time, it’s someone we know. It’s considered a form of domestic violence and can be a felony offense. Given how serious and prevalent this issue is, there are legal avenues to manage it. However, states have different definitions of stalking and different legal processes to address it. In general, a restraining order is a well-known legal response, but in order to receive a permanent restraining order, you need to have a hearing in which you prove that this person poses a threat. A court may award a temporary and/or emergency restraining order in response to stalking victimization, but that does not mean you would receive a permanent one. Only about two thirds of temporary initial orders become permanent. Don’t let this number discourage you. Seek guidance and advice from the Safe Passage hotline at 413-586-5066 if you’re worried you’re being stalked.

If legal action seems too strong of a response, there’s another way: Block them! It’s second nature at this point to block someone on iMessage — now add Venmo, Paypal, CashApp, and Zelle to the mix. They have relatively identical processes for blocking another user in order to prevent unwanted payments. Whenever you do receive money from your stalker, it’s important you do not take it. It may be tempting to pocket the $300 — after all they put you through?! And with all these bills to pay! But remember: This person doesn’t know what boundaries are, otherwise they wouldn’t be contacting you in the first place. Should you really take money from someone who doesn’t understand boundaries? (Short answer: No.) RAINN advises that beyond demanding they not contact you anymore, you should not react to their messages at all. Instead, document them with screenshots. Let trusted loved ones know you’ve been contacted by someone you don’t want to hear from.

Your number may not change, but your stalker’s might, so the work of creating and maintaining distance could become a biannual exercise, like it seemingly has for me. The bright side is that I’ve grown a callous; our bleak past lost its bite two block buttons ago. Until there’s a more convenient solution than changing phone numbers, thereby uprooting my digital life due to one unhinged ex, I have my arsenal of block buttons and, luckily, a good therapist at my disposal.

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Imani Moss

Imani Moss is a playwright and aspiring novelist teaching on the east coast.

Imani has written 1 article for us.

I Was Outed as Trans at Work

I got outed at work this week because of a goddamn computer.

About a month ago, I started a new job at a pet store. I’d been a longtime customer before I got hired starting back when I got my chihuahua Beans seven years ago. I signed up with an email and a phone number so I could be entered into their points program.

When I transitioned and changed my name, I went through all of my accounts and switched them to my new name. Banks and airlines were shockingly no problem. TSA precheck and Social Security just required another in-person meeting. It was the most random places that made it hard. Marriott hotels, for example, were difficult. For a while whenever I traveled, I’d walk into the room with my deadname blaring on the TV.

This pet store account was another that just would not change. Every time I asked an employee, they would say I had to call the help line. Every time I called the help line, they’d say it was fixed. It never was. I deleted the account. It still popped up. It was weird, but it was one store, so I just left it. I would go there maybe once every six months and just expect to get deadnamed. No one would ever see it but me anyway, and I had more important things on my to-do list.

Last month, I started working at the same store. I hadn’t shopped there since January, so while I vaguely remembered there was something off about my account there, I didn’t put it together until after I got the job.

I logged into my existing account from the employee computer and removed my phone number. That account still had my old name but no phone number. I made a new account with my phone number. It didn’t work. When I logged in, it now said two options for my name: my old name and my new one. I thought it must be that whatever phone number you’ve ever used cannot be unlinked from your account. I changed the phone number on the old account to my father’s number, and it seemed like maybe that solved it. The next couple times I checked, my number only showed the name “Gabe.” It was my dad’s number that showed my deadname. (Fine. It’s not like he doesn’t know it.)

At my last job, I wasn’t allowed to shop using any points I’d accrued while employed there. At my current job, there’s no such restriction. I can log into my account and pay with any points I have as well as get points while I’m an employee. Sick.

If I’m buying something while I’m on the clock, the point of sale system we use doesn’t allow me to check myself out. A co-worker has to do it for me. I’m brand new at this job and have only one co-worker I’d say I’m beginning to be friendly with. Everyone else is nice, but I clearly haven’t been fully accepted yet. The inside jokes reign supreme, and I don’t know them. It’ll take time.

A few days ago, I wanted to buy myself a Gatorade. (We have a fridge full of them for customers.) Jenna, a co-worker I have spoken to maybe twice, went to the register and asked for my phone number. I gave it to her.

“There’s multiple people on this account,” she said, completely innocently. My blood ran cold. She looked up. “Which one should I use? There’s Gabe, there’s….” and she listed the full version of my deadname and the nickname version. How many accounts had I fucking made at this place?? Why were they all popping back up like Michael Myers trying to kill Jamie Lee Curtis?

“Um.” I literally felt dizzy. I just hadn’t been expecting this. I wasn’t in a secure headspace. I was under fluorescent lights in a retail environment.

I’m not ashamed of being trans. I have an Internet presence, so I’m used to being misgendered and deadnamed all the time. Why was I so upset? I quickly realized it was because this wasn’t being misgendered or being deadnamed.

This was being outed.

Jenna had no reaction. “The Gabe Shane one,” I said. She nodded and sold me my Gatorade. Then, a Doordash order came in and a customer asked me for help and some cans needed restocking and I had to check a grooming client out and through all of that my vision was blurry and I found it hard to stand or to get a full breath. I couldn’t think about anything but Jenna seeing that screen. I was desperate to know what she thought and who she would tell. I knew she was queer because she’d mentioned her girlfriend, but I didn’t know how she felt about trans people.

It wasn’t about Jenna specifically. It was about a very serious choice being taken away from me when I wasn’t ready or prepared for it. I’d worked at my old job for a year, and I’d told two people there that I was trans. Now it was my third week at this unfamiliar place, and my transness was already the first thing some of these people would ever know about me. I hadn’t even had full conversations with most of them. They’d just see me as “the trans guy” without getting to know me first.

My co-worker, Ella, a lesbian, the only one I’d say is becoming a friend, and the only one who knows I’m trans, was busy with scheduling puppy training classes. I tapped my fingers anxiously on the receipt printer waiting to talk to her. For those 15 minutes of bouncing on my heels, I probably looked like I was jonesing for her to sell me more cocaine. Finally, I got her alone by the register, turning my back to the sales floor. “The fucking computer outed me,” I said.

She nodded. “Yeah, I saw that.”

“What? You saw it just now? You saw that Jenna saw?” I hadn’t noticed Ella up front during my Gatorade purchase at all. She clarified she wasn’t.

“When I checked you out the last time, I saw it,” she said. “And then when you walked away Mario [our boss] saw it and asked me who that was on your account.”

“Jesus fuck,” I replied. “What did you say?”

“I said I didn’t know.”

“So Mario knows?”

She wasn’t sure.

I asked what she thought I should do. I felt so self-conscious and small. I wanted to crawl under the dog beds. I imagined everyone there thinking about my budding facial hair and my secret surprise vagina. Like I was a specimen at a freak show. I was breathing shallowly. I had to talk to Mario. I had to stop panicking. Ella agreed.

I approached Mario who was in the back checking in some cat litter. How would I start the conversation? I didn’t want him to think I was mad at him or at the store. I didn’t want him to think I was quitting. More importantly, I didn’t want him to think I was like, one of those trans people who can’t hang. I didn’t want his first introduction to my being trans to be me Karen-ing over some “misgendering” minutia. Now, my coming out would be paired with a complaint. I was an annoying little woke baby. He’d never see me as his cool male work friend.

I asked if we could talk. I kept repeating, “Nothing bad. Nothing about you or the store, I promise.” We got to the office and he sat down at the desk. I closed the door and stood next to it for some awkward reason.

I told him the computer system had my old name and that Jenna had seen it. I said I knew he’d seen it too when Ella had checked me out. I wanted to know if there was any way I could speak to the corporate office about this. We’d had sensitivity training around race, gender, and sexuality issues. I’m sure I am not the first person to have this problem. The execs needed to see how this was really bad for customers.

Mario knew what I meant about the name changes being a hassle. It was kind of a common complaint. I was shocked. “And they’re okay with this affecting a customer base?” I said, thinking of all the trans people who would simply go somewhere else rather than deal with this.

I ran through everything I’d done, and Mario believed me that none of it had worked. He suggested I tell people that the other name is a sibling.

I laughed. “My deadname is very similar to my current name, so I think they’d notice that.”

Mario looked genuinely confused. “Deadname?”

I blinked. What? “My old name.”

He squinted. “Your… deadname?”

“Mario, what? I’m trans.”

His eyes widened. He was suddenly a manager dealing with a potential lawsuit. That is exactly what I didn’t want. I didn’t want eggshells. I decided to finally sit down as he stammered, “Uh, well. We accept everyone here and I don’t think anyone at the store has a problem with…”

I cut him off. “Yeah, no. You guys are great. That’s why I said it’s not about you or the store. I’m asking if there’s someone at corporate who I could tell this to so they can avoid problems in the future.” I said. “I think I should let them know because I’m fine but other people won’t be.” Mario said he’d look into finding me someone to talk to.

“I’m sorry to make a big deal,” I said. “I just didn’t want to have to do this so soon. I don’t know if it’s spreading around the store but yeah, it’s not how I wanted to do this with you guys.”

Mario was back in manager mode. “No one at the store is gossiping about it, I promise. I…” He averted his eyes, kind of embarrassed now. “I didn’t even realize that’s what it was. This right now is the first time I’m learning that you’re trans. I won’t tell anyone and you know, you’re just Gabe to me so I’ll call you whatever you want me, us, to call you.”

Oh no.

Mario hadn’t actually put it together when he saw the other names on my account. He really thought I might have a sister with almost the exact same name as me. It does happen. I once met twins named Roy and Roya (after their father).

However, Jenna is more savvy — and more queer — than Mario. The computer had outed me to her. I’d outed myself to Mario.

He rambled on. “And I am totally okay with it and no one at the store has said anything to me and I don’t think anyone here would give you a hard time or…”

He was deeply in manager-oh-no-a-trans-employee-I-have-to-handle-this-exactly-right” mode. I’d caught him off guard. I could see the sensitivity training whirring in his head.

I cut him off and thanked him just so I could get the hell out of that office. Nothing against Mario, who is sweet, but I was now being treated exactly how I didn’t want to be treated. I don’t need special care at work just so I don’t yell at you about my pronouns. And why am I even judging myself for that? Am I so desperate to seem fun to cis people? (Yes. Obviously. Internalized transphobia hits hard.) I can learn from this to both be a little less rigid,  a little more careful, and a whole lot more comfortable advocating for myself.

Ella left me a little paper star she made that says “Shine on.” Neither Jenna nor anyone else has brought it up at all. I haven’t worked the same shift as Mario since this happened. Most likely, it will be fine. I can’t always control how people are going to see me. It sucks that this choice was taken from me, but maybe it’s exposure therapy. I ended up getting a flip phone anyway, for unrelated reasons. I made a brand new customer account with this brand new phone number. I am leaving the points I’ve collected in the dust, even though I love a deal. I tested the new account last night with another co-worker. This time, it worked.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Gabe Dunn

Gabe (he/him) is a queer, trans writer and director whose most recent film GRINDR BABY was selected for Frameline Festival’s 2023 Voices. He is a best-selling author thrice-over, host of the podcasts The Knew Guys, Just Between Us and Bad With Money. As a TV writer, he has sold over a dozen TV shows to networks like FX, Freeform, and Netflix. His young adult sci-fi drama Apocalypse Untreated was released by Audible Originals in 2020. His latest TV project The Daring Life and Dangerous Times of Eve Adams is in development at Universal with Gabe set to write and produce.

Gabe has written 28 articles for us.

3 Comments

  1. “Marriott hotels, for example, were difficult”: Marriott is notoriously Mormon-owned, so might be no coincidence.

    I can so relate to your cringe-y experiences, Gabe!

  2. I agree with Ella, hang in there and shine on! Thanks for sharing your story though. I realized I don’t get to read as many stories of trans/queer people working normal jobs (that are not writing or acting), wish we had more of those.

  3. If you’re looking for a good hosting provider, choose one that offers fast servers, strong security, and reliable uptime to handle both websites and apps. For example, if you plan to run streaming platforms like the Sportzfy App, having a host with high bandwidth and scalable resources is essential. Always compare pricing, support, and features before deciding.

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Online Censorship Disproportionately Impacts Queer Accounts

Over 10 years ago, Kim Kardashian “broke the internet” with a fully nude Paper Magazine cover photo, posted to her 355 million Instagram followers. Many of us civilians, though, would live in fear were we to share something so risque, fear of the judgement of our peers perhaps, but also of Meta’s strict content moderation. While celebrities certainly do live under different rules than the rest of us in many regards, censorship isn’t quite the simple binary of “they can and we can’t.” Some of us really can’t. BIPOC folks, fat folks, disabled folks, and queer and trans folks, are policed on social media in ways that people with relative privilege often are not. You might be surprised to learn there is a name for Zuckerberg and co’s unfair application of the terms and conditions: algorithmic bias.

The “algorithm” part of that phrase refers not only to the algorithms behind your “explore” or “for you” pages, but also the algorithms that flag content that might be inappropriate for review. That’s right. If you have ever had a post removed, or had your entire account disabled, a machine examined your content before a person ever did — if a person ever did.

Terms and Conditions

This bias is made possible by the vague rules written into platform policies. Think back to the first time you created an account: The terms and conditions popped up, and your first instinct was likely to scroll to the bottom and press “accept” without reading a word. As conversations about selling data and privacy have become more mainstream, it is clear that long terms and conditions pages, written in confusing legalese, are intentionally overwhelming to the point of complacency. Conversations about data usage and rights have made another thing clear: Even if you take the time to read it, there is no real recourse if you do not agree with the agreement. Your options are to accept or not use the platform.

Buried in those terms are community guidelines. Those largely impacting queer accounts are called “Adult Nudity and Sexual Activity” on Meta, and “Sensitive and Mature Themes” on TikTok, the latter obviously vague. The ambiguity does not stop there. Dig deeper, and you’ll see policies prohibiting things like “imagery of sexualized body parts”, “implicit sexual activity”, “underwear that does not cover the majority of the buttocks” or “significant body exposure… such as extremely cropped shirts.”

But what does that really mean? Who decides which body parts are “sexualized”? How cropped is “too cropped”? And how exactly does one measure if 49% or 51% of their buttocks is covered in an underwear selfie? This is subjectivity parading as neutrality, and it leaves marginalized creators more vulnerable to censorship.

Sex negative policies are the result of a decades-long legal battle over whether the duty to protect free speech was more important than the duty to protect minors, and whether the duty to protect minors should fall on platforms rather than parents. From the 1997 dismissal of anti-obscenity legislation in Reno v. American Civil Liberties Union, to the 2018 passage of the Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA)/Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act (SESTA), the courts have flipped time and time again. Today, the battle in the courts is far from settled. As it stands, platforms can still be held legally liable for any evidence of sex trafficking on their sites, incentivizing overly broad censorship policies that now run rampant.

But sex-related limitations may not be the only unequally applied rules. Queer creators speaking out against homophobic politicians, for example, should look out for “bullying and harassment” claims. Even posts containing self-referential slurs, which members of the LGBTQIA+ community may seek to reclaim, could be censored under those same anti-bullying policies. Just last February, Meta quietly made limited political content the default across feeds, requiring users to manually opt out if they wanted more exposure. “Political”, though, is also hard to find an objective definition for, and Meta has yet to provide one. Queer lives are inherently political, meaning that speaking openly about queerness carries risk under this vague and broad new rule. Beyond content removal, this restriction applies to accounts rather than individual posts, which puts queer creators in danger of being shadowbanned even when they do carefully limit what they share. The terms and conditions may be vague, but the algorithms, who gets restricted and who gets boosted, remain closely guarded company secrets.

In one sweeping announcement, the news of Meta’s decision to limit political content on users’ feeds, came alongside the elimination of DEI initiatives within the company and the dismantling of Meta’s Hateful Conduct Policy. When enacted, the Hateful Content Policy protected against LGBTQIA hate speech by name. The repeal adds yet another layer of vulnerability for queer people navigating online spaces.

Queer Censorship in Real Time

This issue isn’t just theoretical; it’s impacting users everyday. Some have reported noticing content filters on posts under hashtags like #lesbian and #bi. In 2024, the organization “Men Having Babies”, which supports MLM couples pursuing surrogacy, saw a post flagged with a warning label simply for sharing a photo of a queer family. Facebook has also been known to remove trans users’ accounts for violating its “real name” policy. Trans content broadly may discuss aspects of medical transition that involve genitalia and is therefore seen as fair game for content moderation.

In 2019, the editorial platform Salty Mag distributed a survey to their Instagram followers and newsletter subscribers. After hearing through comments and emails that many members of their (largely queer) community were experiencing censorship, they hypothesized that those living with multiple marginalized identities were being disproportionately affected. Since conducting a funded study was inaccessible, they set out to start the conversation in the best way they could: through grassroots data collection and a publicly accessible report. The results of Salty’s survey featured testimonials, like a trans user who was “shadow-banned and taken off for a few days several times…because of female nipples (which is transphobic) … critical political posts, and feminist and queer art.”

Salty themselves had submitted a proposal for paid Instagram advertisements, featuring fully clothed queer folks, only to be rejected for “promoting escorting services.” This could be interpreted as specifically transphobic given how often trans feminine people are profiled as sex workers. This also highlights another component of censorship: While the shadowbanning and removal of organic social media content from everyday users and influencers may happen quietly, queer inclusive businesses trying to advertise may face blatant rejection. Queer comedian Matt Marr, for example, was also denied the ability to advertise for his show CabarGAY, because the content was deemed “too political.” Consumer goods conglomerate Procter and Gamble were kept from running Facebook ads that expressed support for gay rights for the same reason. For smaller businesses though, who often have more cause to be values-driven, being unable to market threatens the livelihood of people IRL.

And these are just the stories we know. There is privilege in being resourced enough to go to the press and share an unfair experience. There is another in even recognizing an experience as unjust when the mainstream does not frame it that way, especially when the ins and outs of algorithmic bias are secretive. This isn’t only an issue of not being seen or not getting attention from those in your network. For even the most casual of social media users, creating and sharing content is a form of self expression. By repressing queer voices, platforms are upholding the legacy of suppressing queer expression for the comfort of the privileged. We owe it to our queer community to pay attention. Because this censorship happens under the radar, these massive platforms are successfully getting away with it and continuing to find new ways to expand censorship’s reach. We need to demand transparency and accountability, and that begins with understanding the issue as fully as we can.

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Tara Michaela Jones

Tara Michaela is a Black, queer sex educator based in Philadelphia and New York. She is the founder of The Youth Sexpert Program, a non-profit training program that aims to provide comprehensive sex education for teenagers, so they can become their community's sexual health expert. Her work focuses primarily on how injustice manifests in sexual interactions. She uses her social media platforms and written pieces to connect with her community on these issues.

Tara has written 2 articles for us.

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Under a Big Old Florida Tree

This is The Parlour, a place for intimate conversation, a real-time archive, a shared diary passed between a rotating cast of queer characters every week in an attempt to capture a kaleidoscopic view of what it’s like to be a queer person right here, right now.

I decided to write this week’s The Parlour like an actual diary entry, loosely documenting my Very Florida Day™ from exactly a week ago.

***

On Wednesday, I wake up early. Lately, I’ve become obsessed with looking at seasonal sunrise maps and joking that my ideal life would look like moving from city to city throughout the year in order to always live someplace where the sun is up at the hour I deem most appropriate for the sun to rise (between 5 a.m. and 5:45 a.m.). I love my early mornings, but I do not like rising so long before the sun. Due to the tilt of the Earth’s axis, I have learned, the sun will never rise as early as I want it to in Orlando, no matter the time of year. I instead will have to learn to be comfortable in darkness.

I drive to the gym and lift weights. During benchpress reps, T-Pain sings the words “up down” in my ears, which is exactly how I describe lifting weights: up down up down. You’re just picking a heavy thing up and then putting it down. Over and over. I think I thought it would be boring before I started, but it has proven to be anything but.

It’s arm day, and I feel strong, though I’m recovering from a weekend of high-intensity tennis. My team made it to Florida’s USTA sectionals, where I played and won two singles matches against players from way up north in the state’s panhandle. I’ve got a bloody knee struggling to scab over and two toes jammed dark purple. My sister keeps telling me the nails on them will fall off but that I can’t know when, could happen in a week or a month, maybe more. She’s a runner, so I take her word for it.

After the gym, I pick up my newly strung racquet at the local pro shop. I need to be better about not leaving my racquet in a parked car for too long. This Florida summer heat will wreck the string job.

We drive to St. Augustine so Kristen can speak at a press conference about book bans in Florida. We stop for coffee along the way and so I can work a bit from the road, and I pick up a local newspaper to later use as collage materials (my latest obsessive hobby). At the community college where Kristen will speak, a small but passionate group of defenders of literature and the first amendment rights of Florida’s students have gathered outside, under a tree, hoping the shade will provide relief from the scorch of mid-afternoon August.

Under the tree, Kristen speaks about her love of Florida, and tears well in my eyes. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve heard her say these things; they gut-punch me every time, make me proud. Of her and also to live here. A high school student speaks, too, practicing the speech she hopes to use on debate team this year. Her last name is my middle name, and I mean to tell her this, but I forget in the flurry of group photos and people talking about next steps.

The organizers of the press conference tell us the district meeting that took place before was rough. Book banners — think: Moms of Liberty types — screamed in their faces, called them awful names, accused them of wild transgressions. The people who want to take books out of classrooms want to do far worse than that, too. Book bans are just the beginning.

None of these people show up to the press conference, thankfully. Under the tree, everyone is fighting for the same thing.

We could have driven the hour and half home to Orlando after, but we had decided to stay the night in St. Augustine and have a little adventure after the press conference, so we drive to our hotel to check in.

Later, we drink wine and eat cheese and fruit outside, again shaded by a big, old Florida tree.

Later, we get popsicles from the same little shop we went to together more than five years before, my first time in this old city.

Later, we look at shark teeth in a novelty shop in downtown historic St. Augustine. I’m obsessed with sharks as of late. Shark horror films, to be exact. Non-Jaws shark horror films, I have to specify, not because I don’t like Jaws but quite the opposite. It has been one of my favorite films ever for quite some time. But lately, I wanted to see what the rest of the canon holds. More on that later, in future writing, I’m sure. We do not buy any teeth. Why would we when we can so readily forage for them in the wild on New Smyrna’s beaches back home?

The streets are spookily empty. It’s off-season, a server explains. But even given that explanation, it’s too empty. I’ve read day-trip tourism is down. The middle class has less expendable income for day and weekend trips. Hotel prices have skyrocketed. This seems like exactly the kind of city to be affected by that, and I tell Kristen we should make the trip more often. It isn’t far from us, and lately I’ve been enjoying long drives and exploring the side-of-the-road restaurants and cafes throughout Florida and beyond, like when we took the scenic route home from Savannah and ended up in a seafood joint with killer fried clams and burgers that looked, from the outside, like a gas station.

Later, we watch tennis in a dive bar. Kristen says she’s excited to watch the U.S. Open with me in a week, now that she finally understands the rules better. She was at all of my Sectionals matches, cheering me on from the stands, carrying my things, even sweeping my side of the clay court after. A good tennis husband. I was the only member of my team with a spouse there the whole time. Yes, I’m flexing.

Later, we eat seafood at a restaurant we’ve been to before, only once, the same trip as the popsicles. After dinner, we walk to a small spot along the water known for its martinis. The night has cooled; the air smells like saltwater, briny as our drinks.

The next day, we will stop at the beach on our way home, a beach we’ve never been too and already want to return to. I’ll snap a picture of an informational plaque about the Anastasia Island Beach Mouse (peromyscus polionotus phasma) and joke it’s me, the beach mouse. I’ll find a perfect spiraled shell and present it to Kristen. She’ll drink hot coffee, me iced tea. And we’ll watch surfers catching larger-than-normal waves, presumably made by the faraway storm.

All of this, all of it all of it, is the Florida my wife writes and talks about. Florida, never boring, she always reminds. Florida, full of big, old trees, many hundreds of years old, offering shade, refuge.

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1079 articles for us.

1 Comment

  1. This is lovely! Also I do want to hear more about the shark movie exploration! Deep Blue Sea a classic, but my fave Syfy channel original garbage has to be Sand Sharks. Very B-movie nonsense but I enjoy it enormously

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Sasha Velour Celebrates 10 Years of NightGowns

When Sasha Velour started NightGowns, her now beloved New York drag show, she was three and a half years into her career. Still a baby queen by her own description, she was having trouble getting booked elsewhere; Brooklyn drag was always quirky, but many of her opportunities early on involved competitions where she couldn’t always be her purest self. But when now-defunct Brooklyn venue Bizarre Bar offered her an opportunity in 2015 to create a show of her own, she jumped at the chance. Now, countless accolades, television shows, theatrical performances, illustrations, and even a book later, NightGowns is still at the heart of Sasha Velour’s life. And it was a key motivator for winning RuPaul’s Drag Race all those years ago.

In celebration of the show’s 10-year anniversary, there will be a seven-show-run of NightGowns at La MaMa, a renowned Off-Off-Broadway theatre in New York’s East Village, beginning August 27. La MaMa was once home to drag legends like Divine and Ethyl Eichelberger. This week Sasha Velour, the NightGowns family of drag artists, and special guests will take to the stage in all of their own glitter and glory, ever a reminder that drag is an artform.

Autostraddle spoke to Sasha Velour about the 10th anniversary of NightGowns, the role of the show in times of upheaval, and why she keeps coming back to it.

Sasha Velour
photo by Alexey Kim

Do you see NightGowns as a baby, as a project, as a mission statement, or another combination of experiences?

I love that. It is so tempting to call all our projects our baby. I have seen it grow up. It had growing pains. I feel like it’s reached some kind of maturity, as far as a nightlife event can. Now I’m convincing myself it is a baby, because it has this huge life beyond me. I think it grew in a way I could not have expected. I don’t know that I’ve shaped it that consciously. To survive as a nightlife show for 10 years, you have to keep adapting. I think the consistent thing has been trying to put on a great show for the audience that feels like it’s saying something a little bit different about drag than people are hearing elsewhere. I started the show when drag was booming in Brooklyn certainly. I hadn’t entered the national arena or international arena for drag yet, but doing so helped open my eyes even more to what the missing pieces of the puzzle were. And I’ve always been interested in how we can highlight the missing pieces from this conversation about drag. Because there’s always more to be said about drag, or at least I’ve built my life on that.

Can you talk a bit more about how you see NightGowns responding to the political climate now and over the past 10 years?

It’s always been a place of joy. Even when people bring heartbreaking drag numbers that make everyone cry, there’s still a culture of joy I feel pervades the space. That’s the kind of magic I don’t even totally understand. Like, how can you do art that is so heart wrenching, and then as soon as it’s over, all you feel is happiness? Maybe it’s the joy of watching someone succeed at expressing themselves in such a bold way, the freedom to say things that are painful, is a kind of release that brings joy, so that certainly feels like it is needed. Maybe that’s the escapist pleasure, but it certainly has a political undertone when people are being so honest through their artwork. Since we left Bizarre Bar [NightGowns’ first location] and started being able to charge tickets, that’s allowed us to use the raffle — that was always a part of NightGowns just so we could walk away not empty-handed as performers — as this community organizing tool. In the last three years, we’ve raised over $80,000 for direct mutual aid, going to Gaza, going to immigrants, especially queer immigrants in New York and in the country, for legal battles with name changes, for unhoused trans people in our community who need safe spaces. That’s been such a part of NightGowns’ mission recently, to have the queer joy of seeing art, and then also make it easy and fun to share our resources and help our community. That’s the history that inspires us all. I think it’s clearly written into drag shows that they’re meant to be engaged in community organizing to some degree. This is our solution for now. Who knows what more will be required of us? But we’ll be ready.

Given the government stance on drag currently, what does it mean to you to consistently do NightGowns and to offer performers a space where drag is respected as an art form?

I’m proud of it. It’s the thing I’ve done in my time as a drag queen that really feels like contributing to the legacy of this art that I love so much, that has given me everything to be able to share a spotlight and create this platform where people can feel proud of their work and proud to be a drag artist and like they’ve contributed something that’s going to reach around the world. When I travel, people tell me they’ve watched NightGowns numbers, and usually they have one favorite that’s a performance of mine, and then another favorite that’s someone completely different, someone who’s not touring the world. To bring those voices, those performances, into the conversation, feels like such a huge achievement, and that’s what drag is all about, the way that we give each other this royal platform.

What role do you see NightGowns having had when you look at your drag career now?

It’s still my only regular booking in New York, for various reasons. If you want some dependable work in drag, no matter what level you are at, you better be producing it yourself. That’s what I have learned in 10+ years in this business, and I hope that NightGowns continues to be a model for other overambitious drag performers to do the same.

There’s nothing as satisfying as running a drag show. You learn so much about this art from having to do all those annoying behind-the-scenes tasks, having to do that leadership of employing however many people it takes to put on a show. I learned almost everything that I know about drag from NightGowns. I’ve always approached it with the spirit of experimentation, and it’s been the space I go to try things —plenty of failed experiments at NightGowns, but always something learned along the way that has stayed with me. I found my voice as a host at NightGowns, and that’s what allowed me to go on television and talk about drag with confidence. Maybe the false confidence of a baby queen, but it’s continued to be the space where I figure out what I think drag is here for us to say. From the very beginning, I always had these scripts. When you’re in drag hosting a show, everyone has to listen to you, so my philosophy was, I better say something worth listening to every time I get on this microphone. I have this archive now of all the grand statements I’ve made at NightGowns over the years. I feel like they reflect their time and where I was at, but that everyone’s numbers at NightGowns have, too. Drag shows are this place where at best you’re experimenting, figuring out who you are, and changing who you are to adapt to the time and to reach new heights. The conversations we have backstage as people in this industry together, learning from each other, spilling tea about managers and venues and the way the culture has changed and stayed completely the same all these years, that is a sacred part of drag. I wouldn’t be the drag queen I am without it.

What makes you keep coming back to NightGowns, with all of your successes?

I feel like I have to do it, like it is my responsibility. All these blessings and I wouldn’t give back? That is so wrong. It’s also what I want, what I went on Drag Race to do. What I wanted to do the whole time was to have NightGowns live and be known and be the best of the best —the best from my drag family, that have always been amazing, and the best from all over the world that I could never have dreamed of agreeing to come to NightGowns. Because of the interest and knowledge of this show, I can pay people better than ever. I do pay the [known from] television and the local artists the exact same amount, which is very satisfying. It’s the vision of drag I’ve been pursuing since I first started painting my glitter lip and shaving my head. It feels like this is what it’s all for. NightGowns is my drag family and my home, even more than Brooklyn drag specifically. Like many drag performers, I’m actually quite introverted, and getting to know people backstage at a show is my comfort zone, more than going out and having conversations at the loud club. It’s thrilling with the show to see the way Brooklyn drag has changed, and meeting the kids who consider me mother or grandmother, to get to witness this generational change in the drag world, which happens so fast, that also establishes the sense of pride.

What are your plans for the future of NightGowns?

I’ve given up on planning. I know it will just come to me. I think I want it to run for another 10 years. I still can’t let go of the dream of traveling around the world, and people always are calling on me to do that. I haven’t quite figured out the logistics yet, and we’ve tried a couple of times. But there’s also something so divine about it being this New York show that people have to get themselves to the city to come witness or take part in so whatever happens, as long as people know the name NightGowns and know that it’s where you come to see the good drag, I’ll be happy.

photo by Alexey Kim

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Elyssa Maxx Goodman

Elyssa Maxx Goodman is a New York-based writer and photographer. Her book, Glitter and Concrete: A Cultural History of Drag in New York City, was named a 2024 Stonewall Honor Book for the Israel Fishman Non-Fiction Book Award, a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award in LGBTQ+ Nonfiction, one of Vogue’s Best LGBTQ+ Books of 2023, and one of Booklist’s Best History Books of 2023. Her writing and photography have been published in Vogue, Vanity Fair, T: The New York Times Style Magazine, them., Elle, and New York, among others.

Elyssa has written 8 articles for us.

No Filter: Tommy Dorfman x Torrey Peters Is an Instant Joint Slay

feature image of Tommy Dorfman by Arnold Jerocki / Contributor via Getty Images

Hello and welcome back to No Filter! This is the place where I tell you what our favorite queer celebrities got into this week, via Instagram. Let’s go!

I am very amused that all the comments are people who indeed got married at Lucy’s show and now need this T-shirt.

Increasingly certain that Chappell’s performance footage is captured directly by God herself?? It’s so good!

Alllllert our favorite singer slash novelist is at it again!

This is quite literally maximizing a joint slay IMO!

I love her, never change Cardi!

Finally, a chef who agrees with me that raisins are HELL!

Okay well I need to give no fucks so I am just waiting for 50, I guess!

This does seem quite simple…but it’s just SO much salt, I can’t get over that part. All my salt, gone!

Mario…wow! Okay! Took me a minute, but I’m with it! Sounds good to me!

Creative friendships are possibly my favorite kind of connection?

I am starting to feel like I have to get into this season of Project Runway, it feels like it has the old magic back??

She is still so goddamn cool, like we really crushed with Melissa.

I do not care that this is a week old, because if you post such a hugely important image on grid HOURS after I write this column, I get to talk about it whenever I decide! Please get married!

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Christina Tucker

Christina Tucker is writer and podcaster living in Philadelphia. Find her on Twitter or Instagram!

Christina has written 367 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. there’s a song called old dan tucker and your name is the same even though you’re not an old man or named dan. thank you for writing celebrity news

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In Defense of the Queer ‘Emotional Support Ex’

I know, I know — you had a partner who was friends with an ex and their friendship was a tornado of toxicity and trauma and it literally ruined your life. I get it. The frustrating plotline of someone hovering around your relationship praying on its downfall objectively fucking sucks. It’s exhausting; it weighs on you and sows seeds of distrust in partners and any relationship they have outside of your own. And, depending on what shorty did, it may have led to some hands thrown, too.

It makes sense that these experiences have led various people to the belief exes should never be friends, that one should never date someone who is too close with an ex, and that it can only be a sign of a toxic connection that must be released.

Nonetheless, I’m asking that we look beyond our own negative personal experiences, beyond our disingenuous past partners and their bullshit “friendships” and think more broadly about what friendships with exes mean overall. I’m asking that we challenge our own insecurities and fears, our own preconceived notions about how relationships ought to function, fed to us by a heteronormative society. Instead of relegating these friendships to punchlines about queer stereotypes or labeling them as an innately concerning aspect of queer culture, I’m asking that we dissect it more deeply and leave space for a reflection on how unique and transformative queer love can be. The tendency to build friendships following a break up is, personally, one of my favorite aspects of queer culture.

Engaging with the world as a queer person means many of the roadmaps we learn at a young age in a heteronormative society are useless. We are often creating anew, carving out original methods of relating entirely from scratch in hopes of building something that fits us more accurately.

It makes sense, then, that many of the unspoken and unquestioned relationship rules don’t fly under the radar here: We notice and interrogate. A desire to challenge what it means for a relationship to “end”, to preserve the care and connection present regardless of what form the relationship takes, and to subvert common practices of disposability around breakups actually seems rather fitting for queer relationships.

The assumption that, absent romantic partnership, someone can no longer provide value to our lives or continue to be important to us is arguably rather strange. Presuming a relationship ended amicably and a friendship was part of its foundation, why shouldn’t we have the space to allow that friendship to continue? People are special and important in their own right before they begin to embody a specific role in our lives, before they become our partners or friends or anything else. There is something beautiful about wanting to acknowledge that specialness as innate to them. It does not dissipate simply because their role in our lives has shifted.

What does it mean to see our lovers as people before we see them as our partners? To love them for who they are and not what they provide us? Does that allow us to see value in them even when our relationship must change? While it may not be articulated as clearly, I think these questions underlie the attempts queer folks make at building relationships with former lovers. To acknowledge that relationships can continue to be wonderful in various forms is indicative of how we rethink relationships constantly.

To no one’s surprise, an ex of mine is one of my best friends. We dated so long ago it’s hard to remember the details. Nonetheless, what has always lingered was how gentle of a love it was. It was young and innocent, my first queer lover. Most importantly, it was my first time learning that love could be healing. My early forays into love were nothing short of traumatic. Years after our initial breakup, a chance conversation brought us back into each other’s lives. Our decision to rekindle a friendship, as opposed to a relationship, was a reflection of a desire to show up for each other as best as possible. Our romantic desires just didn’t align any longer, and yet the love had in no way dissipated. To many, this would seem like a perfect place to end our interactions, a clear sign that our time shared ought to come to an end. And yet, I couldn’t shake the idea that this couldn’t be the end of the road for someone that had held my heart so tenderly, that held the threads as I sewed it back together. In choosing to stay friends, I’ve learned that friendship is a love story in its own right. Having such an intimate history makes us surprisingly equipped to help each other grow, to notice relational patterns and challenge them and, without the complexity that sex can add, we’re often better able to call each other in. Their presence in my life and the growth it’s enabled has only opened the possibility for even sweeter love to enter my life, it has only made me better prepared to love new partners. Ultimately, the depth of love between us has never wavered, all that has changed is where it fits and how it’s expressed.

Love is the commitment, the connection. Romantic partnership, in the way we often think of it, is only a vessel. Like water, love can move from one vessel to another and take its shape — from vast oceans to neighborhood lakes, from partnerships to friendships. When we allow it to move freely, it is at its happiest, ebbing and flowing, constructing cliff sides and kissing shores. To take something so free and demand that it only occupy one space or cease to exist, to tell the water it can never leave the ocean, to prevent it from ever creating lakes or rivers, feels unreasonable. To strip it of this power is to refuse one of its greatest strengths: love’s endurance.

The attempt many queer folks make at seeing love in this way is an important effort that should be celebrated…even though, sure, it may sometimes be poorly executed. This poor execution often comes from the fact that we aren’t given a script in our society for transitioning relationships in this way. Even if we know we want to do so, we may lack the tools. If there’s anything building a long-term relationship with an ex has taught me, it’s that complete and utter honesty and creating boundaries accordingly goes a long way. (Every partner I’ve had has loved my ex, sometimes even more than me, so I can solidly say I’m an expert.)

Queer love, in itself, challenges a homophobic world’s narrative that we are disposable and undeserving. Allowing this love to endure, staying connected and in community with each other, then becomes even more important for us. The very thought of tossing aside the queer folks that have watered me even in droughts never sat right with me. The idea that I must toss away this person that, in every role and iteration, had only ever made my life more beautiful felt like nothing short of a homophobic lie. To remain friends is a direct rejection and subversion of that narrative to choose to see each other as more than what we provide, to refuse to discard each other on a moment’s notice. We attempt to see each other as full humans worthy of connection, even in change. Prioritizing our desire to stay in community comes with its challenges, but it also fortifies a necessary structure in an oppressive world. We need each other.

These friendships aren’t always easy, and keeping them healthy takes work; they require honesty and strong communication, vulnerability and intentionality. But difficult things can still be worthwhile.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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AJ

AJ Mason (ajvstheeworld) is a writer and creative, based in Brooklyn, NY. AJ’s writing attempts to contextualize smaller moments within our larger culture, weaving connections between history, art and politics. Alongside writing for publications like them and partnering with organizations like Hinge, AJ is either putting their philosophy degree to use (finally!) in essays on their Substackor conducting deep dives into their favorite animated shows on TikTok – check it out here!

AJ has written 1 article for us.

3 Comments

    • Thank you, thank you, thank you for this article and your beautiful words. They came at exactly the right time. I rarely comment but this resonated so hard and made me cry in a good way! I do think this is so beautiful and this is something I’m currently navigating with two previous partners simultaneously. This is what I’ve always believed too and it was such a balm to my broken heart to read.

  2. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your article and beautiful words. They came at exactly the right time. I’ve been saying and felt the same thing for years and it was such a balm to my broken heart to read this. I’m currently navigating this process simultaneously with two previous partners and this was exactly what I needed to hear today, and I’ll definitely be sharing it. I appreciate it so much.

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‘I’ve Been Out of the Sex/Dating Scene and I Feel Fine About It? I Think?’

Q:

I’ve been out of the sex/dating game for a few years and I can’t tell if I’m making excuses to not put myself out there or if I’m actually just chilling.

I get my fix through escapism, reading romances and watching queer shows from all over the world (have you seen some of these Thai GL shows?!), and interacting with people online about them. I do identify with some ace/aro perspectives, particularly throughout these past few years, but I also know I am (was? def was at some point) a sexual being who would like to explore and find a romantic partner(s) eventually. Even so, I’m not fiending. If anything, I’m curious but maybe not enough to actively seek anyone out for casual hookups or dating.

Almost every media I consume has something to do with romance or sex, it’s like I’m sexually active in theory but not in practice. I need that ‘spiritual playboy’ shirt that Josie wears in ‘Bottoms’. Anyway, is my media escapism becoming a crutch for actual intimate connection? Or am I just feeling pressured to pair up and/or be IRL involved in the sexual scene?

A:

Hey, pal! I think it sounds like you are indeed just chilling!

There’s nothing wrong with being out of the sex/dating game, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling okay about it either. I can’t get a full assessment of your general state of mind or attitude from just one short anonymous advice letter, but I sense an overall chillness in your words and no real anxiety. The ace/aro spectrum is indeed a spectrum, and it’s also possible to identify with different parts of that spectrum at different times. Libido and interest in romance can fluctuate. But if you find yourself having a fulfilling life outside of the realm of sex/romance, keep doing you! No need to throw yourself into something you don’t actually need or want!

I think there’s an interesting thing happening here where you’re worried that you’re over-relying on sexual/romantic media as a way to avoid seeking sex/romance in real life, but I think what could actually be happening is that the consumption of that media is exactly what’s pressuring you to feel like you have to be seeking those things out in real life. Most mainstream media makes sex and romance seem like the norm, the driving factor behind so many characters motivations and storylines. But in real life, loads of people are primarily motivated by other kinds of relationships, lifestyles, and goals. The media you’re consuming makes it seem like the only way to be normal is to pursue those things, but it isn’t true! And just because you like seeing those things unfold for fictional characters doesn’t mean you have to also want it for yourself. To put it in overly simplistic terms, I have been watching a tremendous amount of shark movies lately. I do not actually want to be in close proximity to a shark, but I sure do enjoy watching fictional characters be in close proximity to sharks!

What if we injected your media diet with a little more aro/ace representation or at least shows that value platonic and non-romantic relationships? With the caveat, again, that there’s nothing wrong with you watching the sexual/romantic stuff even when you don’t feel a pull toward that stuff in your actual life. But maybe seeing a little more media that centers the life you are living would help you feel less weird or uncertain about it all. Ela Przybylo wrote a great piece on the subtle aro/ace gaze of Heartstopper, and Casey has book recs for asexual queer representation. And if you want more of that, there’s an entire database for searching for aro/ace books.

Anyway, I don’t think you’re avoiding intimacy through media. I think intimacy just might look different to you than it does in that media.

You can chime in with your advice in the comments and submit your own questions any time.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1079 articles for us.

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Movies I Watched in Key West When I Was Supposed To Write a New Novel

Actual Editor’s Note: The editor of the following piece would like to note that any usage of the words “editors note” [sic] henceforth is actually a note from the piece’s author, Kristen Arnett, and not the editor, her wife Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya. When the actual editor read this piece, not as its editor but as the author’s wife, she resoundingly announced “no notes” and asked “can I publish this?” The editor is confounded as to why editor’s notes were included in the first place, given that the following was always intended to be merely a Note on the author’s phone and not intended for publication. Who is this elusive, nonexistent editor? We shall never know.

Last August, I was at a monthlong writing residency in Key West, Florida. While there, I did get a lot of writing done, but I also drank approximately 300 beers and watched a parade dedicated entirely to Jimmy Buffett. There were a lot of iguanas. I’m a lifelong Floridian — third generation — and Key West was like something out of beautiful fever dream. Judy Blume runs a bookstore. What I’m trying to say is that it was a magical, incredible time, and I loved every minute of it.

Apparently, I also watched a lot of movies. This list I wrote in the Notes App surfaced on my computer this week and while I don’t remember writing most of it (over 2000 words??? Jesus Christ), it made me feel incredibly nostalgic for my time in the sunniest, hottest place on planet earth. Spelling and grammatical errors will be kept for continuity.

Without further ado, here are my “thoughts” on these particular films.

The Fugitive – watched this because I saw a meme about the DNC and the surprise guest it was referencing was Charles and Provasic (the bad medicine that was the REAL culprit all along); no one showed up as the surprise guest for the DNC, so it seemed like Provasic might have been a real get. I DIDNT KILL MY WIFE!!!! Classic wife guy, Harrison Ford. Sela ward is crazy hot in this movie (originally wrote “seal ward,” almost kept it for the bit), I love a hornt up wife (RIP to this wife though, she straight up dead)

Con Air – I thought about what else Harrison Ford had been in and I’d had enough wine that my brain thought of Con Air for some reason?? I switched this out for John Cusack I guess. They are not the same. My lesbian brain made a fatal drunken error here. Cusack wears socks with sport sandals and Nic Cage is also there with a head of hair just begging for some Pantene Pro-V

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil – I thought I wouldn’t want to watch this but then I was hungover and it turns out I really, really did want to watch this three-hour film (oh god it’s not even that long it just feels like it, it’s only two and a half hours ONLY TWO AND A HALF) in bed after eating a lobster roll and drinking a curative hangover beer? I only finished half of this film; the crazy part is that I know I’ll do this to myself again in the future? I like the music, I like the ambiance, I can’t stop half watching this awful (good? Okay? Some third secret thing??) movie

RUSHMORE – I saw Jason Schwartzman in a late night clip of the week on Vulture and thought: huh, haven’t seen that movie in a minute, why not, guess what it’s still great and probably you forgot some stuff about it so just watch it again. Bill Murray looks young?? God I’m getting old Jesus Christ

The Gift – I thought of Cate Blanchett for some reason (gay) and then I was like hey remember that movie where she was a small town Louisiana psychic? Why don’t you watch that, Kristen? And I did, and it was better than I remembered, honestly, even though her accent goes in and out. Like sometimes I’m like, oh I guess she’s British now for some reason

WHAT LIES BENEATH – tried to start this at midnight after a very drunken potluck where a woman went inside the fridge and took two bottles of wine that I had purchased for personal use; I was too drunk and had to go to sleep after 30 minutes of watching, but then I watched the rest of it at 4pm the next day drinking from a bottle of wine that I took from someone else, c’est la vie, we are what we are, we’re all in this together, one love, godspeed

IDENTITY – I remembered almost none of this movie, all except the ending. Forgot that Amanda Peet was in it and also forgot that she was from Florida? “I’m going back to Frost Proof to buy and manage an orange grove” Well good for you Amanda Peet! How quaint! Also all of them are Tauruses in the man’s brain and that sounds like a nightmare

13 GHOSTS – No clue why I made this connection except that I was like, I really wanna see this movie because it’s a classic favorite of mine. Never forget the Kristen Arnett lore that I spent a bunch of time after I originally saw it trying to find the black zodiac (this is not a real thing) and every time I’m like, hmm I wish I knew more about this naked angry lady ghost! Call me (not really I’m married, I’m so sorry naked ghost lady)

Grosse Pointe Blank – I’m having a real John Cusack moment. This is legitimately a top 5 favorite movie of mine, it’s just fuckin GOOD. Really reminds me of my brother. Literally cried. Laughed out loud a million times. The acting in the EYES. The way they look at each other. Subtle hand movements. Fuckin great. Also this is a superior soundtrack. [editors note; sometimes when I drink beer and watch a movie I’ll think I’m being really smart about “film” and then I read this and I just am talking about people’s eyeballs? Grow up]

MUMFORD – Okay, the former got me into this one, which I used to watch with my brother, too. Star studded cast. Literally so many people in this movie. It is…… not as good as I remember. What did I like about this movie? I cannot for the life of me figure it out. Got a fraction of the way through and kind of stopped, will try to watch the rest of it and will come back to update. UPDATE: I couldn’t do it. I hurt my own feelings with this one.

Unbreakable – I read the word glass in a book that I was loving and that reminded me of the villain in this movie, so I wanted to watch it. My wife is obsessed with M Night. I had forgotten a lot of this movie? Inserting so much “unbreakable” literally means a man who is so out of touch with his emotions?? I was like OH is THIS the plot??? Anyway, pretty fun, but longer than I remembered! That’s gonna be the through line of most of these, I think – “this movie was simply too long”

GET SHORTY – still stuck in mid-nineties bliss, wanted to watch a film I used to watch a lot but haven’t seen for a minute! Then my fellow resident brought this movie up and I was like oh right, a great movie – except I can’t remember anything that happens in it?? Okay, sat down and started watching and I DID remember what happened in this movie, it just gave me so much stress because all of it is like crazy misunderstandings or something?? I’m watching it piecemeal, or like on my phone, how I do with Bravo Reunion episodes or something. Solid movie though. My brain is just dumb and can’t handle certain conflict.

KISS KISS BANG BANG – watched this in fits and starts over the course of two days, which seems right for this movie and also for RDJ, who is simply running all over the place and alive with energy. I chose it because I wanted something detective noir?? It didn’t necessarily hit that spot, but it hit some others, and you know what? Didn’t hate Val Kilmer as a gay man. In fact, kind of loved it? Funniest, smartest dude in the whole movie. Good for him. Incredibly gay

Frailty – Powers Booth had the tiniest cameo VoiceOver in Con Air and of course I immediately recognized his voice and that made me want to watch Frailty, fingers crossed this won’t send me on a Bill Paxton spiral afterward (it did not)

COPYCAT – this was better than I remembered but also longer than I remembered! Holly Hunter, what a star! Too many cops in this movie, hated that part, but I love what a bitch Sigourney Weaver is! Another mid-nineties stacked cast, too, I was excited every time someone came on screen! This is a movie that I’ll probably watch again in another ten years and be like oh right, forgot about all of it again, and that is fine with me, perfect recipe

TAKING LIVES – now we have finally arrived at a movie I have never seen! Did I read the wiki synopsis first? You bet your ass I did! Kiefer Sutherland shows up in this for five seconds?? Wild use of this mans time. I thought some of it was good, but also took one look at Ethan Hawke with that haircut and thought: obviously this man is the murderer, he looks like he used scissors on his own head in the dark. Someone slapped Angelina Jolie, in FRENCH! also fake pregnancy!! And strange use of it, too. I would not watch this again but if it was on TV I would watch some of it before leaving for a bar or going to sleep

MINDHUNTERS – hadn’t seen this one, either, at least I thought I hadn’t until I remembered that (spoiler alert) Jonny Lee Miller was the killer?? So I was like huh I guess I have seen this? Was LL Cool J just in a bunch of horror movies in a row at this point? This one, Deep Blue Sea, and Halloween h20? Val Kilmer is in this too, also funny! Funnier than I ever remembered him being?? Did we know he was a comedic actor

BRAM STOKERS DRACULA – this movie was long, which I did remember, and I know that everyone is like justice for Keanu, he was better than people give him credit for, but actually…. My dude I love you, but this was not your role. Liked him better in the Cate Blanchett movie, honestly – stay in your lane. Winona Ryder outshone you at every turn, you are simply not meant to be doing fancy upper crust accents my prince! Anthony Hopkins making out with Mina, didn’t remember that! Damn there were a lot of titties in this movie, beautiful cinema

Kiss the Girls – Forgot Cary Elwes was in this, just saw him in Dracula! Very different role for our gay friend. Also, as an aside, for years I thought that Cary Elwes was the murderer in Copycat but it turns out it was someone else entirely? Just another blond dude with wire frame glasses. Could you say he was….. copycatted? No you couldn’t, that’s not a real word. The movie is exactly what you think it is! Ashley Judd, you will always be famous!!!!!!

Sleeping with the Enemy – how the hell did I make this connection? Is it because Tony Goldwyn was in the last movie and he reminded me of the horrible abuser husband from this movie?? Who can say! What I will tell you is that this movie in my teens gave me a very real fear of coming home in the middle of the night and seeing that someone straightened my cans. And now? I am the person doing that! The call is coming from inside the house! Okay another thing – I hate this guy that she’s supposed to be attracted to? Like legitimately he is the worst, he keeps showing up at the house like a creep and also bothering her with a lot of weird innuendo? The guy wears a black short sleeved turtleneck and you are Julia Roberts, please don’t give him the time of day!!!!!!

Bound – Listen, if I had to watch those last two try to act like they could be horny after domestic violence then at the very least I could treat myself to something actually horny, which is the cinematic masterpiece called BOUND. Now, I also think it’s important to note Jennifer Tilly will be a friend of on this season of BH wives! Bravo! What can’t she do? Also this movie makes me want to get Corky’s haircut but I know I won’t look like that. It’s a cross I must bear.

High Fidelity – We can’t escape John Cusack, can we? I actually thought about watching this immediately after watch GPB, but was like “no, I should try out some other stuff and not get on a kick” but it turns out too bad, because he is our inevitable man of the hour (monthlong residency). The music from this is so good too?? Oh man some toxic masculinity, but also doesn’t that just feel like a fuckin fuckboi butch goddamn, embarrassing – that guy said some stuff at the end that I think I’ve said to my own wife??????????? Get your life right, Kristen

Garden State – well if we’re going to enjoy a moment of real sad “art” shouldn’t this be on our list? I love embarrassing life moments!!

Secretary – this movie HOLDS UP! This movie fucks for real. But also part of that is Maggie Gyllenhall is great in it and very believable and there is just something super hornt about James Spader. This was also an emotional movie? Man, lots of movies had feelings that I simply forgot about completely.

Yje royal t3n3nbaums – [editors note: wowowowow] yes we all know what I was trying to type here! I think this wound up being a fun two day watch and it actually made me a little emotional! Some of that was the beer, I’ll be honest, but still. I’ve been needlessly yelling about that Vulture list for putting this number one and now I was like, okay they were right about this one, still wrong about all the other ones (lots of good ones marked TOO LOW, it’s embarrassing)

BookSmart – [editors note: started watching this but my wife showed up mid-viewing so I never finished, had seen it before, it’s fun, I’m sure I’ll watch it on a plane again soon]

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

Kristen Arnett

Kristen Arnett is the queer author of With Teeth: A Novel (Riverhead Books, 2021) which was a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award in fiction and the New York Times bestselling debut novel Mostly Dead Things (Tin House, 2019) which was also a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award in fiction and was shortlisted for the VCU Cabell First Novelist Award. She was awarded a Shearing Fellowship at Black Mountain Institute, has held residencies at Ragdale Foundation, Vermont Studio Center, the Millay Colony, and the Key West Literary Seminar (upcoming 2024), and was longlisted for the Joyce Carol Oates Prize recognizing mid-career writers of fiction. Her work has appeared at The New York Times, TIME, The Cut, Oprah Magazine, Guernica, Buzzfeed, McSweeneys, PBS Newshour, The Guardian, Salon, The Washington Post, and elsewhere. Her next novel, CLOWN, will be published by Riverhead Books (Penguin Random House), followed by the publication of an untitled collection of short stories. She has a Masters in Library and Information Science from Florida State University and lives in Orlando, Florida. You can find her on Twitter here: @Kristen_Arnett

Kristen has written 10 articles for us.

7 Comments

  1. SECRETARY! I watched it for the first time this year and wAs like wait this is incredible??

    • honestly glad to hear that!! sometimes i’m like “is this funny or am i just completely losing it” lol

  3. incredible list and commentary. don’t know what half of these movies are about and I still want to watch. also recently rewatched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. RIP Val <3

    • truly half of them even i don’t remember and it was only a year ago that i watched them!! also kiss kiss bang bang is SO GOOD

  4. Throwing it out there that you watched Con Air because you were thinking of Air Force One and also that you should get on Letterboxd.

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Tessa Thompson Plays Gay (Again) in Upcoming Nia DaCosta Film

Gays, rejoice! Queer actress Tessa Thompson is playing queer again, but this time MUCH more obviously! While I, like any queer nerd, love Tessa Thompson’s portrayal of King Valkryie in the MCU, her queerness is not as…overt as it could be. Cut scenes and lines try to bury her obvious (to us) queerness under all that swagger and charm, but we couldn’t be fooled. Well, there is no hiding Tessa Thompson’s new role under a bushel; even just in the teaser trailer, it’s obvious that her character, the titular Hedda, is queer and attracted to the magnetic and sultry Eileen. (Hedda even says, quite literally, “Come on, Eileen,” which had me giggling and kicking my feet a bit, I won’t lie.)

Based on the 1891 play by Henrik Ibsen, Hedda tells the tale of a stifled housewife who throws an elegant party with her husband where things start to devolve into chaos. As in the play, an ex of Hedda’s shows up to shake things up…but writer/director Nia DaCosta has gender-bent this ex into a woman named Eileen (Nina Hoss) who shows up with her new gal pal Thea (Imogen Poots), sending Hedda into a bit of a tailspin. DaCosta (who was also the writer/director of The Marvels, which featured aforementioned Valkryie) says that making Hedda’s ex a woman gave Hedda’s fight against “the men that tell them what they should and shouldn’t be doing” more depth, saying it “made it more potent, more powerful, and also more unfortunately tragic.”

This is not the first retelling of Ibsen’s Hedda Gabler, but it is definitely the gayest, and I can’t wait.

Hedda will be coming to theaters in October, but you can watch the electric energy for yourself in this teaser trailer.

“A little chaos is good for the gathering,” indeed.

A Chaotic Selection of News

+ Sophie Turner read her thirst tweets at Buzzfeed, and most of them were lesbians fawning all over her and she was LIVING for it

+ Betty Who falls victim to this horrifying new trend of queer female celebrities getting so defensive about the fact that they’re dating a man when literally no one said anything about it that they spin out into homophobia and start talking like far right straight people saying things like “It’s kind of like, now we’ve come so far, that our community is so strong, that now it’s like a crime to be straight”….when meanwhile, straight marriage isn’t the thing being potentially outlawed in our country

+ There are some queer bakers in this year’s cast of The Great British Bake Off, including a drag king

+ Lupita Nyong’o stars in the famously gender bendy (I mean we’ve all seen She’s the Man, right?) Twelfth Night for Shakespeare in the Park

+ ICYMI Abbi Jacobson talked to Autostraddle about voicing another queer animated character

+ Chappell Roan performed at the Reading Festival this weekend, singing all of her songs plus a cover of Heart’s Barracuda

+ This is only tangentially pop culture related but I thought it was sweet: The two women who run the Aubrey Plaza and Kathryn Hahn fan pages started dating each other, just as Agatha and Rio would have wanted; fandom can be so cute sometimes!

+ British artist KWN is coming across the pond to host and perform at Atlanta Black Pride Weekend

+ Julia Fox is pansexual but “can’t see why a man would be beneficial” which is such a mood

+ Lady Gaga performed to a sold-out crowd at Madison Square Garden this weekend

+ Last but definitely not least: We have extended the deadline for the 2025 Autostraddle TV Awards until TOMORROW (August 26th) and noon EST so if you thought you missed your chance to vote THINK AGAIN and go vote now!

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
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Valerie Anne

Valerie Anne (she/they) a TV-loving, video-game-playing nerd who loves reading, watching, and writing about stories in all forms. While having a penchant for sci-fi, Valerie will watch anything that promises a good story, and especially if that good story is queer.

Valerie has written 664 articles for us.

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Vote Now in the 8th Annual Autostraddle TV Awards!

On September 14, the actual 2025 Emmys will take place. But every year we do our very own little Emmys, the Autostraddle TV Awards. They were created as a response to and a step beyond those official awards, a way to celebrate the many queer stories so often overlooked during award season.

The field has been narrowing the past few years, and that continues now — fewer gay shows are getting made, and the initial burst of authentic queer content of the 2010s has vanished. But that makes it more important than ever to celebrate the television still making its way to your screens and hearts, the creators fighting against monumental financial odds to still deliver queer stories.

Trust us: Once you have to vote in some of these categories, you’ll realize there’s still a lot to choose between.

How it Works: For the past few weeks, the queer critics who make up our TV Team have collaborated on a lengthy process to determine the year’s nominees in each of our Autostraddle TV Awards categories. We have 21 whole categories, and while there’s some Emmys overlap, we’ve also created a lot of our own categories that are too often overlooked by mainstream awards systems, like genre television.

Now, it’s your turn to help us pick the winners. Individual Autostraddle readers can vote once in each category. Your votes will be combined with the TV Team’s final votes to choose the winners.

There are also three fan-favorite categories that YOU get to decide completely yourselves! Those categories are Fan Favorite Couples, Fan Favorite Character, and Fan Favorite Out Queer Actor.

We follow the same rules as the Emmys as far as timeline, which means the shows must have aired between June 1, 2024 and May 31, 2025 in order to be eligible. (This means Murderbot and Nine Perfect Strangers Season Two are not eligible!) While the show’s full season does not need to have aired during that range, most of its episodes must have aired.

Here is your official ballot!

Voting is now open and will close on August 25th at noon EST. The winners will be announced on September 11.

UPDATE: WE HAVE EXTENDED VOTING UNTIL AUGUST 26TH AT NOON EST!!!! THERE IS STILL TIME TO VOTE FOR YOUR FAVS!

AND THE NOMINEES FOR THE 8TH ANNUAL AUTOSTRADDLE TV AWARDS ARE…

Outstanding Comedy Series

Hacks (HBO Max)
No Good Deed (Netflix)
XO Kitty (Netflix)
Overcompensating (Prime Video)
Abbott Elementary (ABC)
Poker Face (Peacock)
Somebody Somewhere (HBO Max)

Outstanding Drama Series

Fifteen-Love (AMC+) Yellowjackets (Showtime) Criminal Minds: Evolution (Paramount+) Heartstopper (Netflix) The Handmaid’s Tale (Hulu) Matlock (CBS)

Fifteen-Love (AMC+)
Yellowjackets (Showtime)
Criminal Minds: Evolution (Paramount+)
Heartstopper (Netflix)
The Handmaid’s Tale (Hulu)
Matlock (CBS)

Outstanding Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Horror Series

Orphan Black: Echoes (AMC+) Severance (Apple TV) The Last of Us (HBO Max) Agatha All Along (Disney+) Sunny (Apple TV) What We Do in the Shadows (FX) Wheel of Time (Prime Video)

Orphan Black: Echoes (AMC+)
Severance (Apple TV)
The Last of Us (HBO Max)
Agatha All Along (Disney+)
Sunny (Apple TV)
What We Do in the Shadows (FX)
Wheel of Time (Prime Video)

Outstanding Animated Series

Outstanding Animated Series

Harley Quinn, season 5 (Max)
The Second Best Hospital in the Galaxy (Prime Video)
The Legend of Vox Machina (Prime Video)
Arcane (Netflix)
#1 Happy Family USA (Prime Video)
Big Mouth (Netflix)

Outstanding Lead Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Drama Series

Jasmine Savoy-Brown as Taissa Turner, Yellowjackets Tawny Cypress as Taissa Turner, Yellowjackets Sophie Nélisse as Shauna, Yellowjackets Melanie Lynskey as Shauna, Yellowjackets Ella Lily Hyland as Justine Pierce, Fifteen Love Yasmin Finney as Elle Argent, Heartstopper

Jasmine Savoy-Brown as Taissa Turner, Yellowjackets
Tawny Cypress as Taissa Turner, Yellowjackets
Sophie Nélisse as Shauna, Yellowjackets
Melanie Lynskey as Shauna, Yellowjackets
Ella Lily Hyland as Justine Pierce, Fifteen Love
Yasmin Finney as Elle Argent, Heartstopper

Outstanding Supporting or Guest Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Drama Series

Liv Hewson as Van Pamer, Yellowjackets Lauren Ambrose as Van, Yellowjackets Midori Franis as Mika Yasuda, Grey’s Anatomy Samira Wiley as Moira, The Handmaid’s Tale Sarah Greene as Bibi Garvey, Bad Sisters Laysla De Oliveira as Cruz Manuelos, Special Ops: Lioness

Liv Hewson as Van Pamer, Yellowjackets
Lauren Ambrose as Van, Yellowjackets
Midori Franis as Mika Yasuda, Grey’s Anatomy
Samira Wiley as Moira, The Handmaid’s Tale
Sarah Greene as Bibi Garvey, Bad Sisters
Laysla De Oliveira as Cruz Manuelos, Special Ops: Lioness

Outstanding Lead Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Comedy Series

Hannah Einbinder as Ava, Hacks Amit Kaur as Bela Malhotra, Sex Lives of College Girls Victoria Bazua as Kate, Land of Women Linda Cardellini as Margo Starling, No Good Deed Anna Catchcart as Kitty Song Covey, XO Kitty Jerrie Johnson as Tye, Harlem

Hannah Einbinder as Ava, Hacks
Amit Kaur as Bela Malhotra, Sex Lives of College Girls
Victoria Bazua as Kate, Land of Women
Linda Cardellini as Margo Starling, No Good Deed
Anna Catchcart as Kitty Song Covey, XO Kitty
Jerrie Johnson as Tye, Harlem

Outstanding Supporting or Guest Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Comedy Series

Robbie Hoffman as Randi, Hacks
Regan Aliyah as Juliana, XO Kitty
Abbi Jacobson as Leslie Fisher, No Good Deed
Poppy Liu as Sarah Webber, No Good Deed
Kate Moennig as Gwen, No Good Deed
Ruby Cruz as Ash, Sex Lives of College Girls

Outstanding Lead Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy Series

Kathryn Hahn as Agatha, Agatha All Along
Bella Ramsey as Ellie, The Last of Us
Rashida Jones as Suzie, Sunny
Krysten Ritter as Lucy / Young Dr. Eleanor Miller, Orphan Black: Echoes
Natasia Demetriou as Nadja, What We Do In the Shadows

Outstanding Supporting or Guest Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy Series

Isabel Merced as Dina, The Last of Us
Aubrey Plaza as Rio/Death, Agatha All Along
Annie the Clumsy as Mixxy, Sunny
Babirye Bukilwa as Sammie, Domino Day
Sophie Okonedo as Siuan Sanche, Wheel of Time
Jen Tullock as Devon Scout-Hale, Severance

Santana Lopez Legacy Award For Outstanding Queer Teen Character

Kate, Land of Women
Kitty Song Covey, XO Kitty
Taissa, Yellowjackets
Van, Yellowjackets
Shauna, Yellowjackets
Elle Argent, Heartstopper

Most Groundbreaking Representation (Show)

most groundbreaking representation

Somebody Somewhere (HBO Max)
Agatha All Along (Disney+)
Land of Women (Apple TV)
XO Kitty (Netflix)
Orphan Black: Echoes (AMC)
The Sex Lives of College Girls (HBO Max)

Outstanding Performance by an Out LGBTQ+ Actor in a Comedy

Hannah Einbinder in Hacks Cynthia Erivo in Poker Face Mary Beth Barone in Overcompensating Amrit Kaur in Sex Lives of College Girls Renée Rapp in Sex Lives of College Girls Megan Stalter in Hacks

Hannah Einbinder in Hacks
Cynthia Erivo in Poker Face
Mary Beth Barone in Overcompensating
Amrit Kaur in Sex Lives of College Girls
Renée Rapp in Sex Lives of College Girls
Megan Stalter in Hacks

Outstanding Performance by an Out LGBTQ+ Actor in a Drama

Jasmin Savoy Brown in Yellowjackets
Liv Hewson in Yellowjackets
Ayo Edebiri in The Bear
Supriya Ganesh in The Pitt
Cherry Jones in The Handmaids Tale
Adelaide Kane in Grey’s Anatomy
Midori Francis in Grey’s Anatomy
Krys Marshall in Paradise

Outstanding LGBTQ+ Actor in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy Show

8th annual autostraddle tv awards

Aubrey Plaza in Agatha All Along
Sasheer Zamata in Agatha All Along
Bella Ramsey in Last of Us
Isabella Merced in Last of Us
Jen Tullock in Severance
Amandla Stenberg in The Acolyte

Outstanding LGBTQ+ Director / Writer / Showrunner

Brittani Nichols, Abbott Elementary (writer / producer)
Leslye Headland, Star Wars: The Acolyte (showrunner)
Emily St. James, Yellowjackets (writer)
Desiree Akhavan, Overcompensating (director)
Clea Duvall, Poker Face (director)
Nahnatchka Kahn, Laid (showrunner)

Outstanding Performance by a Straight Actress in a Straight Role

Bridget Everett as Sam, Somebody Somewhere Catherine O’Hara as Patty Leigh, The Studio Natasha Rothwell as Melissa, How to Die Alone Jean Smart as Deborah, Hacks Sheryl Lee Ralph as Barbara Howard, Abbott Elementary Jessica Williams as Gaby, Shrinking

Bridget Everett as Sam, Somebody Somewhere
Catherine O’Hara as Patty Leigh, The Studio
Natasha Rothwell as Melissa, How to Die Alone
Jean Smart as Deborah, Hacks
Sheryl Lee Ralph as Barbara Howard, Abbott Elementary
Jessica Williams as Gaby, Shrinking

Outstanding Cis Male Character

Benito Skinner as Benny (Benito Skinner), Overcompensating Noah Wyle as Dr. Rob (Noah Wyle), The Pitt Pedro Pascal as Joel Miller (Pedro Pascal), The Last of Us Sterling K Brown as Xavier Collins, Paradise Lionel Boyce as Marcus Brooks in The Bear Ebon Moss-Bachrach as Richie in The Bear

Benito Skinner as Benny (Benito Skinner), Overcompensating
Noah Wyle as Dr. Rob (Noah Wyle), The Pitt
Pedro Pascal as Joel Miller (Pedro Pascal), The Last of Us
Sterling K Brown as Xavier Collins, Paradise
Lionel Boyce as Marcus Brooks in The Bear
Ebon Moss-Bachrach as Richie in The Bear

Outstanding Hairstyling for an LGBTQ+ Character

Marley, Survival of the Thickest (Monique Gaffney)
Amrit Kaur as Bela, Sex Lives of College Girls
Agatha, Agatha All Along (Cindy Welles)
Mixxy, Sunny
Dina, The Last of Us
Taissa Turner, Yellowjackets

Outstanding Costume Design for a Show With LGBTQ+ Characters

outstanding hairstyling for an LGBTQ+ character

Keia Bounds, Survival of the Thickest
Daniel Selon, Agatha All Along
Kathleen Felix-Hager, Hacks
Leah Katznelson, Poker Face
Sharon Gilham, The Wheel of Time
Marie Schley, Yellowjackets

To vote in the above categories as well as the THREE SPECIAL FAN FAVORITE CATEGORIES*, go forth!

VOTE IN THE AUTOSTRADDLE TV AWARDS!!!

*When voting in the fan favorite categories, please keep the eligibility guidelines in mind and only nominate couples/characters/actors who appeared in shows that aired between June 1, 2024 and May 31, 2025. Otherwise your vote will be wasted!

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The Autostraddle TV Team is made up of Riese Bernard, Carmen Phillips, Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Valerie Anne, Natalie, Drew Burnett Gregory, and Nic. Follow them on Twitter!

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3 Comments

  1. You misspelled Isabela Merced’s name twice, in the Outstanding LGBTQ+ Actor in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy Show category and in the Outstanding Supporting or Guest Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy Series category. Not cool :(

  2. Making a plug for Claudia and Claudia/Madeleine from Interview with the Vampire for fan favorites :) (Season 2 started airing in mid-May 2024 but most of the season is inside the date range)

  3. I’m curious why there is a category for cis male character but not e.g. for trans and nonbinary actors/characters, queer male actors/characters etc? It seems a bit weird to me to highlight specifically “cis male” as its own category (and not even queer cis male) and was wondering what the reason behind it is.

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We Must Hold Local Politicians Accountable

feature image photo by Carlin Stiehl / Contributor via Getty Images

The battle cry of the Democrats during both Trump administrations has been to vote locally.

Come on, gang!

If we can vote progressive candidates into the school board, the trial courts, or the city council, we can protect ourselves from the federal government. We can build a coalition. We can care for our neighbors and community.

I bought that. I was desperate to believe our democratic process could save us. I campaigned for progressives for city council in Los Angeles in 2020 and 2022, even ones outside my district. I canvassed in the hot sun and pre-vaccine. I had three candidates — Nithya Raman, Hugo Soto-Martinez, and Eunisses Hernandez — as guests on my long-running podcast. I privately co-hosted a fundraiser for Soto-Martinez and Hernandez, inviting and encouraging my friends and family to donate to their campaigns. All three candidates won! We’d done it! City council was going to be our progressive ally. All would be well in Los Angeles!

We were wrong. I regret to inform left-wing voters that it is time to check on your own local governments to see if progressive candidates are actually voting to protect and support our communities.

It was not enough to vote them in and assume they have our backs. We must then hold them accountable to the platforms and promises they campaigned on. We need to look at how they are voting.

It’s obviously not news that politicians lie. But what is new is how we’ve replaced civic engagement, showing up in person, or deeper curiosity with following policymakers on social media, taking Instagram posts and public stunts at face value instead of remaining deeply critical and vigilant. A politician can say one thing on their Instagram, where they’re not factchecked by journalists, and easily do another. On Reels, they won’t be called out live the way they ideally would on TV or radio news. They won’t be forced to comment on something they don’t want to comment on by a print or digital reporter in person. Politicians create their own news delivery channel on their pages, and if they keep saying the right buzzwords, they know we’re not going to go looking beyond them.

Boston mayor Michelle Wu is getting a lot of well-deserved praise for stating that the city won’t bend to the federal government. Years ago, she expressed support for dismantling the Boston Police Department’s gang database due to fears it was being used for the school-to-prison pipeline. She then flipped her vote. She was honest about it in the media, saying that she did it because BPD hired new leadership and was making an effort to clear out irrelevant names from the database. California governor Gavin Newsom is one of the best and most transparent leaders standing up against Trump and his cronies. I’m watching his latest Zoom call right now where he is very clear and specific about what we need to do. He is strong. He has a plan. But the man who once performed gay marriages in defiance of federal law is not so good on trans rights. In the first episode of his new podcast, he weirdly calls trans athletes competing with cis ones “unfair” in order to appease his first guest, right-wing monster Charlie Kirk. It’s cowardly, but as I said to some friends, I would let him slap me and call me the t-slur if he actually takes down Donald Trump.

That’s a joke. I do not mean we should throw some marginalized groups, like trans people, under the bus for baby steps forward. I also do not mean this article to convey approval for leftist purity politics where we spite our face to cut off our nose for fascism.

I wouldn’t opt out of voting because “every party is the same” or “it doesn’t matter.” That is patently absurd. Kamala Harris would not have done this, and we know it. What I am saying is that local politics doesn’t end with voting someone in. What’s on the docket? What have they said ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to? They are banking on the constituents not looking into their records. Why would someone go through all that if they’re  not a journalist? Even then, only an especially dedicated reporter pokes around unprompted these days.

In June, Donald Trump sent the National Guard to occupy Los Angeles. On Instagram, members of LA’s city council — including President Marqueece Harris-Dawson and District 4’s Nithya Raman — have posted imploring residents to stay safe and do what they can to oppose ICE. Call the Rapid Response Network. Make your voices heard! It’s not surprising that most of the members would do this. Ninety-three percent of the council is Democrat. Only John Lee is an independent.

By July 4, I’d joined the 24/7 anti-ICE protests downtown at the Metropolitan Detention Center. I was scared. I needed to be around people who understood that this was an emergency. I knew where this takeover was going. One of my professors in college, J. Gregory Payne, was the leading expert on the 1970 Kent State massacre where the Ohio National Guard shot and killed four students on campus during a protest against the expansion of the Vietnam War into Cambodia. I expected Homeland Security, ICE, and the Guard to use violence to deny us our First Amendment rights. I knew on Independence Day that it was only going to spiral lower and faster into authoritarianism. I believe that’s where we are now, but myself and my fellow organizers in LA have found it extremely hard to convince local politicians of this. Even the ones on our side.

What I found when I got to the action at 535 Alameda Street downtown wasn’t just a protest. The point was to hold DHS, ICE, the National Guard and other law enforcement accountable for kidnapping, unlawfully detaining, disappearing or deporting our friends and neighbors. We capture the faces of these officers when they show them. Our goal is to record as much evidence as we can for a hopeful future where all the illegal activity these militias are doing will be punished Nuremberg-style. It was activists at the detention center that took the viral video that exposed women and children in chains being brought in overnight. (After this, the area was covered with a tarp.) We try to figure out where the vans and SUVs might go next so we can warn our people about raids. Ambulances come and go indicating that prisoners are getting injured or sick, so protestors keep track of the number of those, too. Currently, as I write this on August 21 at 5:20 p.m. PST, an 8-foot tall fence is being constructed around the entrance and exit of the garage at the detention center. That’s how scared they are of us seeing what they are doing in there.

In my naivete, I thought maybe local law enforcement like the LAPD or the LA sheriff’s department would enforce the law against outside forces attacking residents of the city. Those they swore to serve and protect are being kidnapped in unmarked cars by people in masks who refuse to identify themselves or give a badge number. Why would any California police collaborate with these federal monsters and/or rogue bounty hunters?

ICE vehicles leave the MDC garage with no license plates. I’ve taken to feigning ignorance and calling the police to report illegal unmarked vehicles driving around. The West Hollywood sheriff’s department confirmed to me on the phone that it is illegal to drive without a license plate. Oh! I said daintily. Well, I’ll give you the address and you guys should go question them. I know full well that it is an ICE vehicle, and I know they know it is an ICE vehicle, but I report a law being broken all the same. I watch local police let these untraceable cars full of federal agents loose on our streets, but if I had a car with no license plate? I’d at least get a ticket.

Instead, the LA sheriff’s department tramples protesters with horses, and LAPD bumrushes us. I have witnessed LAPD staging 30 cop cars behind the protests and admitting they are there to back up DHS and ICE against us. They kettle us in and declare curfews and unlawful assembly when we can’t leave. LAPD just yesterday admitted on camera that they are working security while DHS builds the fence around MDC. One of my fellow organizers, a Black woman named Taylor, was arrested by LAPD while at city council when she was trying to speak to the members about our protests. It was chilling to watch the council members I helped elect just ignore what was happening.

President of the council Harris-Dawson posted a video of a Latino bakery owner sharing his fears at city council. Harris-Dawson captioned the video: “We need to hear and document the stories of folks in our neighborhood who continue to be impacted by the raids.” Meanwhile, he had the LAPD, who has a presence among the pews, arrest and detain one of our own for doing the same.

I have been to the city council. Harris-Dawson, who has a mug that says Woke on his desk, talks through public comment, rolls his eyes openly, and dismisses us. (You can see him and the rest of the city council in this video ignoring activist Catie Laffoon begging for their help fighting ICE.) The council took a 29-day summer break in July while ICE, DHS and the National Guard took over our city. They can’t be bothered to hear us for 60 seconds.

Raman has put up several videos of herself talking about the occupation of Los Angeles. She speaks against Trump, but says nothing about local police. What good is it to hold a virtual training on knowing your rights when they are ignored by city and state police and sheriffs? Who is actually keeping students safe from ICE raids if not our own law enforcement? Is it supposed to be the teachers or administrators? The grand-standing is so vague. These videos, photos, and graphics from local progressives are what moved me to go to city council and see what they do in person.

Lo and behold, on June 24, well into the occupation of Los Angeles, the city council voted 11-3 to provide overtime pay to the LAPD officers who participated in “protest response.” Fox11 reported that they approved 17.3 million dollars to go to officers for their work during “anti-immigration enforcement protests downtown.” The kicker? Harris-Dawson and Raman were among those who voted to do it.

We can’t fight against authoritarianism without the help of the people sworn to protect us like local police or local politicians

It is not about perfection or about focusing on the cops over the larger fascist issues. If your local city council and law enforcement don’t have your back in a tangible way that doesn’t play out on social media for likes, then how can we the people build enough of a coalition to do so?

We have to make sure the people we have voted in are still on our side once they’re in. We have to check on them and let them know how we feel. In 2025, less than 7500 people voted for city council in total. Our mayor Karen Bass has both strongly condemned the ICE raids in LA, and called the protests “a state of emergency” and instated a curfew because of “looting” and “vandalism” that allowed cops to arrest those speaking up against the raids. There were maybe 25 people at city council the day I went. This is in a city of 3.8 million. (Granted the meetings are mid-day and midweek which makes them impossible for most people to attend.)

Don’t just look at your local politicians’ Reels. Look up their public voting records. Check what’s on the agenda for the week. Go see what they do in person. We elected them. We should actually be paying attention to what they do and do not do to protect us.

A version of this article also appears in Gabe’s newsletter, A Thousand Natural Shocks.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Gabe Dunn

Gabe (he/him) is a queer, trans writer and director whose most recent film GRINDR BABY was selected for Frameline Festival’s 2023 Voices. He is a best-selling author thrice-over, host of the podcasts The Knew Guys, Just Between Us and Bad With Money. As a TV writer, he has sold over a dozen TV shows to networks like FX, Freeform, and Netflix. His young adult sci-fi drama Apocalypse Untreated was released by Audible Originals in 2020. His latest TV project The Daring Life and Dangerous Times of Eve Adams is in development at Universal with Gabe set to write and produce.

Gabe has written 28 articles for us.

1 Comment

  1. This is a really excellent, measured piece! I agree with you, so many either pretend JUST voting is good enough, or that because the perfect candidate doesn’t exist you shouldn’t vote for any of them (ugh). Often you get let down (every day I am grateful that my tactical “just get the Tories out” vote was best to go to the LibDems not the travesty of what Labour has become) but that doesn’t mean you give up! This is an excellent piece to see.

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Abbi Jacobson on Voicing Another Queer Animated Character in ‘Long Story Short’

feature image photo by Gonzalo Marroquin / Stringer via Getty Images

Long Story Short is a new Netflix animated series out today from BoJack Horseman creator Raphael Bob-Waksberg. It forgoes an animal-centric world for a more human-grounded one. So human. Think: Tree of Life with a mix of Family Circus, full of vibrant color palettes. The animated series follows the Schwoopers, a Jewish-American family, their trials and tribulations with each other, and their interpersonal relationships throughout the decades ranging from the 90s to the 2020s. Each episode focuses on a different family member and a moment in their life.

Shira is the middle child and only girl of the Schwooper family. She’s a rude, angsty, and rebellious lesbian who gets along badly with her strict mom, Naomi, and her brothers Avi and Yoshi. She’s voiced by Abbi Jacobson.

Shira is another addition to Jacobson’s wave of LGBTQ+ voices, following Katie Mitchell in The Mitchells vs. the Machines — the first out queer lead in a studio feature animated movie — and Bean in Disenchanted. But unlike those characters, Shira is outspoken (sometimes to a fault).

In a Zoom interview with Jacobson, we discussed exploring Shira’s character, the joy of portraying queer characters she wished she had growing up, and how the show is a balm in these crazy times.

Rendy: What drew you to Shira when Raphael approached you about Long Story Short? How did the role come to be?

Abbi: I was such a fan of BoJack, and Raphael [Bob-Waksberg] and Lisa [Hanawalt], who designed all the characters on that, did all the characters on this as well. And I got to be on BoJack, a smaller role, this character named Emily. It was such a fun experience. And so when Long Story Short came in, I met with Raphael. I honestly can’t remember if I even read it or if I was like, “I’m in” because I’m such a fan and I just trust his voice so much. I loved BoJack so much. It was so smart and dark, and the sadness was right next to the dumbest, silliest, funniest stuff. That balancing act was really impressive and inspiring.

This does the same thing in a way more grounded world, and I was just so excited that it was animated. I don’t think I’ve been a part of an animated show that felt so grounded. What an exciting story to tell about this really nuanced, complicated, specific family dynamic over such a long period of time. And it’s really serialized. And that was something that I could just tell right from the get go.

With Shira, she’s a little bit brassy. She’s a little bit more outspoken than I am. I think I can be a little bit more passive and internal, and she sort of wears it all on her sleeve, which I loved. And she’s a little messier outwardly, which is such a fun role to play.

We get to do these table reads together for every episode, and the process is just so lovely and collaborative. The table reads are my favorite part because everyone really brings so much to it. There’s really emotional moments in this show and you feel it. We’re all laughing and we’re crying and it’s all there. And I think personally from watching it, it’s all there on the screen, too. I feel very lucky to be a part of this show.

Rendy: Tell me about playing into Shira’s brassiness, getting to depict this rebellious side, because watching a lot of your work like Broad City and Mitchells Versus the Machines, there’s so much reservation to these characters. This entire time, I was like, “Oh, Abbi is going for it.”

Abbi: I think my usual wheelhouse is the insecurity is on my sleeve versus the fighting back and the confidence in one’s own opinions. And so it’s such a breath of fresh air to get to play a very different side, even just for my own life. I think in Broad City, that character is an amplification of me, and so I tend to be more internal and insecure. Sometimes I might think those things, but I don’t always say them. And Shira says them. It’s pretty rad.

Rendy: Given that you’re playing different ages of Shira, from a voice acting perspective, how did you play with different ages with your voice and also the maturity that you texture in some of the most somber scenes?

Abbi: I thought about this a lot when I was coming into the booth for specifically the episodes where I play a lot younger and it just didn’t feel right to be putting on a younger voice. It’s more in the energy. When I’m younger, it’s like exasperation and all the emotions feel bigger, the annoyance, and again, the messiness. She feels more out of control. Shira, just like all of us, has moments of that as an adult, but it’s in those moments that you sort of recognize that it’s a historical childhood feeling.

I keep thinking about this therapeutic saying that’s like “if it’s hysterical, it’s historical,” which I love. If I’m having a fight with someone or I’m feeling a big reaction and it’s an overwhelming thing, I always recognize this as I’m feeling something that feels very childhood, that feels very young, a young part of me that’s affected. I thought about that a lot with Shira where it was like when she’s older and a lot of those things with her mom or with her brother Avi keeps coming back. That’s why we are thrown back in time to see where those deep rooted feelings come from. It’s sort of like the childhood version spills out in adulthood.

I think Raphael and the whole writer’s team did such a great job of showing that as a childhood trauma. We carry those things and not necessarily big T trauma, but little stuff too. You carry them and then they spill out. And I really like diving into stuff like that.

Rendy: In regards to Shira, throughout the episodes, there’s an intersection between her lesbian identity and her Jewish identity, sometimes clashing. Tell me about exploring that side of her through your performance and if that resonated with you and your background.

Abbi: I think with the queerness, for sure. I think that in a family dynamic where you’re the only queer person, I mean, I definitely relate a lot to that, and there’s always sort of a feeling of not — I’m speaking for myself — but there’s a feeling of being other than the rest of the dynamic. And so that was something I thought about a lot, and her experience, and just the different path that her and Kendra have to go to have a child, it’s very different from Avi and Jen. And so I was so excited that that was being told, because I think that’s a journey a lot of people go through. And it is just so refreshing. It’s just another type of journey. There’s a nuanced conversation between the different members. I’m speaking so broadly around this, I don’t want to spoil anything, but within the familial dynamic that’s expressed, everyone has different opinions on that.

I think I was really excited to be part of telling that story. And that’s such a specific and also universal queer story that I think people can relate to or relate to in their own way.

My Jewishness, I definitely relate to a lot of her questioning and her pushback against certain things, but I feel like, I don’t know, I was really interested in the queer story. I don’t know if I’ve totally walked around this question. I don’t know. I think I was just excited to be a part of this very specific point of view.

Rendy: There’s an overwhelming joy of seeing you put your mark on all these different queer characters in animation. What usually draws you to these different characters and bringing your own flare, but also losing yourself within these characters? Like Katie, Bean, and Shira.

Abbi Jacobson: I’m really lucky that, I think I’m speaking correctly, all these straight white guys keep writing incredible queer characters for me. But it’s always been there on the page. And then with all these characters, I feel so lucky, because I feel the same way where I’m like, “Gosh.” I keep being sort of presented with these really whole characters that I wish I saw. I wish I got to see it when I was younger because I don’t feel like I was exposed to very many queer characters. And the three you mentioned are all these rad characters. They’re just really ballsy and fighting for things. And I wish I got to see that kind of content when I was growing up, and I’m so proud to be a part of them.

And it was there when these parts came to me. And then the creators like Mike Rianda, Matt Groening and Raphael, all are such incredible collaborators that they let me have input and they let me add stuff. I mean, in this, I feel like it was just so much there. I hope we get to make a lot more, and so the collaboration will continue, but it was so there. It was written in there, it’s written in stage direction, but it’s always sort of finding her, and it’s such a testament to the creators that they’ve been such incredible partners.

Rendy: What do you hope that people, whether they’re watching with their families or with their partners, take away from this portrait of just life itself?

Abbi: I really think this show is great, and I know that when you do any interview like this, you usually say that, but I really mean it this time. The world is really quite terrible right now in a lot of ways. And it’s really scary, and it really feels very out of control and sad, and there’s just a lot of horrific things happening. I think when I turn on the TV or a film or I go to the theater, I want to simultaneously escape and think and find something in there that I can connect to. I think this show does that where I’m escaping and I’m with this other family, and then I’m thinking about my own family and friends, and then I’m laughing and I’m crying, and I think I always go for all the things. And I think this is really full, it’s very jam-packed with all the stuff. I know I’m biased, but I hope that other people that watch it feel that, too.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Rendy Jones

Rendy Jones (they/he) is a film and television journalist born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. They are the world's first gwen-z film journalist and owner of self-published independent outlet Rendy Reviews, a member of the Critics' Choice Association, GALECA, and a screenwriter. They have been seen in Vanity Fair, Them, RogerEbert.com, Rolling Stone, and Paste.

Rendy has written 30 articles for us.

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Quiz: What Type of Lesbian Know-It-All Are You?

Lesbians. We’re full of arcane knowledge. It is our right. But what specific knowledge do you personally hold and lord over others? Take this quiz, and I bet I could guess.

What Type of Lesbian Know-It-All Are You?

What queer club would you most want to join?(Required)
What are we most likely to find in your bag?(Required)
What kind of bag do you carry?(Required)
What Wikipedia research rabbit hole would you be most likely to go down?(Required)
What gift would you most like to receive?(Required)
What would you like to watch right now?(Required)
What are you known for in the gay group chat?(Required)
Pick a theme for your birthday party:(Required)
What chores do you need to do today?(Required)
What brings you peace?(Required)
What thrift store find would make you excited?(Required)
Pick a queer film:(Required)

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1079 articles for us.

14 Comments

    • Jamie, in “The Haunting of Bly Manor” (it’s excellent though, to me, supernaturally frustrating).

  2. Do I get know-it-all points for knowing it’s from Haunting of Bly Manor on Netflix (even those fh I haven’t watched the show)?

  3. You are A Lesbian Who Knows Everything About Queer History!

    It’s a good thing we have you around — otherwise, how would we know that this big sociopolitical thing happening in the present day is actually greatly informed by the past which also holds the keys for how to confront the current moment?

    But I’m also a cat & sports dyke! I contain multitudes.

    • Same.

      Not unexpected . . . though I felt very seen by “Relaying scores to sporting events you’re the only one watching”! [Also the DIY stuff]

  4. Hardest quiz ever because I am a cat dyke AND a book dyke..! But actually the only area in which I have arcane knowledge is probably the kitchen, where my cooking and baking dykes at!!!

    • Right?! I’m a book queer and a plant queer. And a nature lover. I needed ranked choice for this quiz!

  6. I got plants! Me and my 40+ houseplants are not surprised by this result. ;)

    I’m also into books and nature – it was hard to choose just one answer this time.

  7. I think being into books + cats + sports + helpfulness has thrown it and i am apparently really into CAULKING, the one i actually don’t know how to do! But Im about to move into a house and I’ll need to, so I’ll treat this as a goal!

      • Same thing happened to me, a notorious cat-plant-diy-queer history-dyke!
        And caulking has always been a shameful weak spot, so yes, I’ll embrace the challenge like Katie 🤞🙈

      • I had a similar thing! I got TV lesbian which is like… one of the only categories I never selected. Movies, books, sports, home improvement, bring it on; but honestly I haven’t watched a TV show in twenty years and have no idea about anything.

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A Trans Guy Watches ‘Cadet Kelly’ for the First Time

There is no Disney Channel Original Movie that millennial lesbians love to rave about more than Cadet Kelly.

My little sister, a late-in-life bisexual, once spent a very high Thanksgiving 2018 monologuing at me about how gay that movie was — particularly the performances of Hilary Duff and Christy Carlson Romano.

In 2002, I was just a little too old for Cadet Kelly. I lost touch with DCOMs after Halloweentown (1998) and Zenon: Girl Of The 21st Century (1999).

I’d actually never seen it until this week. I figured Cadet Kelly would be a situation where everyone was looking back with fond nostalgia on a kids’ movie as gay wish-fulfillment. It couldn’t really be THAT explicit.

I was wrong. This movie isn’t only lesbian. It’s a gateway to an adulthood of kink.

The film follows Kelly Collins (Duff), a free-spirited New York City girl, who is forced to attend George Washington Military Academy after her mother marries the commandant of the school. Her father travels the world for work, leaving Kelly no choice but to move upstate with her mother’s new husband, whom she calls “sir,” and her newly trad-wife-pilled mom. The environment is obvious fascist propaganda. That’s the position conscientious objector and gun control advocate Kelly holds too — until she inevitably finds the beauty in the military. I felt insane watching this lesbian-coded Army ad while my city of Los Angeles is currently occupied by Trump’s National Guard. So ACAB. Yes, even for lesbians. Yes, even for Cadet Kelly.

The movie is about being in the closet.

The heart of the film is Kelly’s relationship with her strict commanding officer Jennifer Stone (Romano). One of the first issues the two have with each other is that Kelly insists on keeping a rainbow blanket on her bed. There’s even a transition shot from the rainbow blanket to an American flag. Jennifer snatches the blanket and rubs it under her boot, kicking it away. I’m not sure of a straight way you can read that scene. Throughout the movie, she delights in calling Kelly a “maggot.” It’s one letter off from the slur I’m convinced it was supposed to mirror.

After Jennifer tells Kelly to get rid of the blanket, Kelly hides it messily under her pillow. Jennifer sees it poking out, grabs it, and rips it to shreds in front of everyone.

Kelly’s blonde tresses are layered and streaked with color. She’s wearing gaudy accessories, which she calls a girl’s best friend. Jennifer has her brown hair in a tight regulation bun. Other female captains wear skirts, but Jennifer only wears pants. She isn’t exactly butch, but the uniform forces the look.

Jennifer is also much taller than Kelly (5’7 to Duff’s 5’2), so she gives top energy. (Okay, short people can be tops, too.) We never see her in plainclothes except at the dance when she’s in a white dress. She is then immediately dirtied by Kelly falling through the doors covered in mud. Kelly has publicly ruined the pristineness of Jennifer’s heterosexual presentation. Jennifer wants to remain invisible in her queerness. Kelly forces attention to it.

Kelly decides to get back at Jennifer for her abuse and paints the back of her captain’s hair pink, orange, yellow, and blue. (Pansexual?)

Jennifer walks through the barracks not realizing what she’s flagging while everyone points and laughs at her. She tries to cover up the rainbow Kelly put on her, but is ultimately forced to remove her hat and reveal it to the student court-martial committee.

Presumably, both Jennifer and Kelly have a crush on another student named Brad, played by Shawn Ashmore. As a little Easter egg, Ashmore is one half of the sexually charged Iceman and Pyro duo of the 2003 X-Men sequel X2. His mother delivers the iconic queer-coded line, “Have you tried… not being a mutant?”

Kelly and Jennifer’s competition for Brad never goes anywhere. Kelly is only interested in him because Jennifer is and she wants to annoy her. Brad is solely there to bring them together. He’s the one who insists Kelly make the drill team and that the girls do a routine together. He does not end up with either one of them.

Brad pushing them together comes off partially like a straight guy wingman who knows you and your friend like each other and like a frat guy who wants to see lesbians kiss.

There’s other queer stuff, too.

At one point, Kelly learns about a battle that wasn’t a retreat, it was “an advance to the rear.” Kelly sees the art of the drill team while watching two female cadets dance together at one of the competitions. Kelly’s friend Carla tells Kelly that coming to George Washington Military Academy is “heaven on Earth for a girl like me” because she had a bad home life, for an undisclosed reason. (Gay?)

“Maybe there is a feminine side to military life!” Kelly cheers when she hears about the Welcome Back dance. Unfortunately, Jennifer makes Kelly stay out in the rain and redo an obstacle course instead. She also delegates Gloria, another student, to lord over Kelly until she gets it right. Kelly remains optimistic. Gloria says: “We have got to get to the bottom of your denial.”

Here’s my assessment of Gloria. She’s also gay. She’s the girl who you experiment with, no strings attached because you’re the only two lesbians in your town. You’re not in love with each other. Maybe you’re both in love with Jennifer Stone. But you’re chill and cool and you’ll always have love for each other.

When Kelly wants to join the drill team, she asks Gloria to be her coach. What follows is a very cute and gay montage of Gloria whipping her into shape. Their faces are so close together. When Gloria proclaims she is ready for tryouts, Kelly squeals and kisses her on the cheek.

The movie might also dabble in polyamory! Kelly’s mother Samantha, birth father Adam, and stepdad Joe all have dinner together, and it’s really lovely. Adam and Joe shake hands and say it’s good to see each other. Joe isn’t jealous of Samantha and Adam. He’s only sad he doesn’t have a more affectionate relationship with Kelly. Later, Joe helps her rescue Adam who has fallen off a cliff. She holds both their hands and says she is happy to have two dads. The men agree. It’s wholesome. Samantha is a lucky woman.

This movie is so kinky. WTF??

Jennifer calls Kelly “maggot” every chance she gets. Kelly calls her “ma’am.” That’s already toeing the line.

But there’s one scene that actually takes it over the edge, pun intended. I’ve seen a lot of kink in my day, and I was flabbergasted this was in a kids’ movie.

Kelly is punished and assigned to shine the boots of the entire drill team. She struggles to get it right until Brad shows up and SPITS ON THE BOOT right in her face while smirking. I… I can’t believe this was for children. It’s so hot. In response, Kelly spits on the shoe too. (In real life, Ashmore was 23 years old, thank god.)

As her time on the drill team continues, Kelly suddenly has reverence for all the buckles and belts and knots. She runs her fingers lovingly over her uniform.

After their team underperforms, Brad is upset. In the equipment room, Kelly does a silly dance to cheer him up. He smirks. “Do that again,” he says, standing close to her. “And that’s an order.”

That it’s Brad behaving this way is beside the point. He’s not a real man. He’s a vessel for discovering kink. Now shoo, Brad. Take your shoe and shoo!

The ribbon dance was so much more than I even dreamed it could be.

Kelly comes upon Jennifer trying to learn moves for her solo and playfully copies her. Annoyed, Jennifer shoves her and sizes her up. They get into an improvised military dance battle with their faces so close together. At one point, Jennifer barks at Kelly!

Gloria smirks. Brad says this is the fire they need! Jennifer and Kelly have to work together so they can win. Oh no, passionate enemies with forced proximity! Whatever will these girls do?

After practice, Jennifer snidely asks if Kelly is going to talk to Brad about their routine. Kelly says no. “You are my partner and commanding officer,” Kelly replies, blinking her baby blues up at Jennifer. “I work with you.” Jennifer melts.

The infamous dance itself is gay beyond my wildest dreams. If anything, people were underselling it to me for all these years. There’s synchronized ribbons. There’s knowing glances and giggles and smiles. Who the fuck is Brad? Who even cares?

“I knew I’d be telling my grandchildren about this someday,” Kelly grins. She and Jennifer hug. I assume she’s talking about the grandchildren they will share as an old married couple.

Kelly starts planning their routine together for next year. Jennifer stops her. Her dad got a new job, so she’s moving to Europe. (Vague?)

Kelly is sad, but she knows your first real girlfriend doesn’t have to be your last. They’re only in high school, not the real Army. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. (I am assuming all of this.)

In the end, Jennifer smiles and says she hopes Kelly will become a platoon leader herself, and that she will “have to deal with a little maggot just like you.”

And with that, Jennifer becomes a wise queer elder.

Previously, on Trans Guy Watches: She’s the Man.

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Gabe Dunn

Gabe (he/him) is a queer, trans writer and director whose most recent film GRINDR BABY was selected for Frameline Festival’s 2023 Voices. He is a best-selling author thrice-over, host of the podcasts The Knew Guys, Just Between Us and Bad With Money. As a TV writer, he has sold over a dozen TV shows to networks like FX, Freeform, and Netflix. His young adult sci-fi drama Apocalypse Untreated was released by Audible Originals in 2020. His latest TV project The Daring Life and Dangerous Times of Eve Adams is in development at Universal with Gabe set to write and produce.

Gabe has written 28 articles for us.

4 Comments

  1. omg this is why I subscribe to this website (even though I’m always too lazy to log in)

    I fucking loved this movie as a kid — but as an adult I was like, ‘hm, I wonder why I loved it so much? she wasn’t even openly gay’

    but you’ve cracked the fucking code, I can’t believe I forgot about the shoe shine spit scene!! I love re-discovering a childhood memory that it turns out was formative for my sexuality.

    love love love, thank you for writing this

    • okay I’ve started re-watching clips on youtube (specifically the one where Kelly is copying Jennifer’s moves) and what?? yes this is almost pornographic in its essence, I’m losing it

  3. The level of unveiled pro-war, pro-American propaganda in this movie, probably strategically released just after 9/11, makes my stomach turn. But I also love the longing and mutual admiration between the two leads. Fun to watch it just for that.

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