Sure, The MTV Movie Awards have never been known for bestowing great rewards upon spectacular works of cinematic genius. But with the advent of the Twilight franchise, it’s sort of become a really really long commercial for Twilight. There’s a limited number of Twilight movies, right? Like eventually this insanity will end?
“Seriously, Twilight won for best fight over Harry Potter? No. The results are so ridiculous, I don’t even know how to address them. They’re just… incorrect.”
– my intern
We wondered out loud if maybe we’re just too old for MTV now, but I think my 16-year-old self would have had a lot of snobby avant garde artist opinions about the exclusion of Blue Valentine and Robert Pattinson beating Jesse Eisenberg and Harry Potter for the Best Male Performance Crown.
Twilight: Eclipse won five awards, which is ridiculous because it was a terrible movie and there are only 12 awards total. Black Swan lost everything, which is probably because it’s rated R and none of the voters were old enough to get in the theater and it was either fantastic or awful. Harry Potter did not win enough things. The whole ceremony, actually, was not as gay as it was last year.
Here’s who won:
Best Jaw-Dropping Moment: Justin Bieber, Never Say Never
Best Jaw-Dropping Moment Nominees:
– Justin Bieber – Never Say Never (From the MTV website: “Who knew getting a Bieber lap dance would only cost as much as a movie ticket?”)
– James Franco – 127 Hours
– Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page – Inception
– Natalie Portman – Black Swan
– Steve-O – Jackass 3D
Have you ever noticed that Justin Bieber, who one “Best Jaw-Dropping Moment” for appearing on a screen in front of a bunch of 12-year-old girls with crushes on him, looks like a lesbian?
Best Female Performance: Kristen Stewart, Twilight
Best Female Performance Nominees:
– Kristen Stewart – Eclipse
– Emma Stone – Easy A
– Emma Watson – Harry Potter
– Jennifer Aniston – Just Go With It
– Natalie Portman – Black Swan
Have you ever noticed that Kristen Stewart sometimes looks like a lesbian?
Best Kiss: Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart, Twilight
Best Kiss Nominees
– Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson – Eclipse
– Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt – Inception
– Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe – Harry Potter (“I can’t believe this one. It’s like they didn’t watch the movie. It’s not really a relevant plot point. Ugh. Dumb.”)
– Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner – Eclipse
– Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis – Black Swan
This year Robby & Kristy updated their traditional “should we kiss on stage, it’s so awkward” bit — but with a twist involving Rob Pattinson leaving our lovely tomboy all alone up there in her red mini-dress as he leapt over audience members to plant a giant kiss on Taylor Lautner. I believe this was the highlight of the evening.
Generation Award: Reese Witherspoon
Reese Witherspoon told the audience that Robert Pattinson “underestimated her lesbianness.” We’re guessing this is actually a perpetual issue for Robert and the women he’s possibly attracted to. From the self-congratulatory MTV Movie Awards Website:
The actor [Robert Pattinson] went on to suggest that Witherspoon had trouble speaking while in a girdle, has a penchant for tequila and that she may or may not be “33 percent lesbian,” as an embarrassed Witherspoon hid her face and laughed from her seat. Pattinson concluded his remarks by saying, “It’s not always a bad thing to have sexual chemistry with your mother,” once again referencing his unseen part in “Vanity Fair.”
“It was good — except for Rob Pattinson. I mean, really: He called me 33 percent lesbian, which was a gross underestimation of my lesbian-ness.”
Best Movie: Twilight
Best Movie Nominees
– Twilight: Eclipse
– Black Swan
– Harry Potter
– Social Network
Best Comedic Performance: Emma Stone, Easy A
I take it back about the gay kiss — the fact that a female won for Best Comedic Performance is the highlight of the evening, although she used her acceptance speech to mention: 1) everyone else in the category is funnier than her, 2) thank you fans, this is so nice.
Best Movie Nominees:
– Emma Stone – Easy A
– Adam Sandler – Just Go With It
– Ashton Kutcher – No Strings Attached
– Russell Brand – Get Him to the Greek
– Zach Galifianakis – Due Date
Best Villan, Tom Felton – Harry Potter
Best Villan Nominees:
– Tom Felton – Harry Potter
– Christoph Waltz – The Green Hornet
– Leighton Meester – The Roommate
– Mickey Rourke – Iron Man 2
– Ned Beatty – Toy Story 3
Other winners include Ellen Page in Inception for “Best Scared-As-Shit Performance,” Chloë Grace Moretz in Kick-Ass for “Best Breakout Star,” and Robert Pattinson vs. Bryce Dallas Howard and Xavier Samuel in Eclipse for Best Fight.
Did you watch? Do you care? Was Twilight like the best movie of all time in the history of the whole world? Are the cast of Twilight the only people who still actually show up?
1) nicki minaj’s boobs WTF?
2) lol kstew. lol.
The girl behind Kristen? Aren’t her boobs just giganormous?
I maintain that that Pattinson-Lautner kiss was a stage-move cop-out; the angle’s just not right. Which – if the 1993 Will Smith movie Six Degrees of Separation has taught us anything – means they are both gay.
Basically whoever wins these awards is determined by a poll on mtv’s website and Twilight has the fan power to vote multiple times in a day for their franchise. I don’t think there’s a limit on how many times you can vote, either.
Yeah, which is why these awards should be less “Best Movie” and more “Movie with the Biggest Fanbase that Cares the Most About Something as Stupid as the MTV Movie Awards.” Not as pithy, but technically more accurate.
People should Emma Stone awards just because.
She’s so awesome she defies verb usage!!
all i care about is that kstew is so hot and so so SO gay and i cant wait for her to come out so i can throw an “i told you kstew was gay” party
its gonna happen any day now, youll see
Her expression when Justin Timberlake was fondling Mila Kunis was priceless.
How amazing is that graphic…
so very amazing.
Best. Gif. Ever. Hey Kristin, your gay is showing.
I’m very pleased Emma Stone, the only woman nominated for the category, won that award. :)
MTV Films rolled out Twilight, and Twilight won every single award at the MTV Movie Awards. Doesn’t seem like a huge stretch.
Damn, who are those boobs behind Kristen Stewart, woops, I mean whose boobs are those?
usurping “Best Jaw-Dropping Moment”
Hehe.. fuckin hilare
Use of “usurp” FTW. Also, Nicki Minaj’s rack FTW.
When it was colder this year, I really, really wanted to buy a jacket that looked exactly like Justin Bieber’s. I don’t know how to feel about that.
No, Emma’s actually a lot funnier than at least 3 of those guys (I can’t speak to Zach Galifanakis, but I don’t find Sandler, Kutcher or Brand very funny).
JBiebs looks even more like a lesbian with that new haircut and those earrings.
SO TRUE. i kind of hope this is like a secret goal of his, just to look like a lesbian.
easy a + mean girls= my new religion
no lie i have no idea why easy a isn’t noted as one of the most amazing movies ever.
plus also i’m in love with emma stone. and amanda bynes. and i think that chicks name was ali? the lion mane girl with big boobs as her identifier. she’s hot. or we could just go with easy a is hot. enough rambling
I am thoroughly perplexed with Reese Witherspoon’s quantitative lesbian-ness. What is the context for that?
Softball?? Really?? That’s the best thing going for her. I guess it should be flattering that she wants to increase her percentage…? (Thanks, by the way)
Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Beiber is a great website… for now. Once that kid passes puberty? I’ll pass on the lesbians who look like THAT Beiber. Personal preference. But for now, I can’t deny he looks like a very cute butchy lesbian, especially with that new haircut. You go, girl.
Just as well the Twilight folks can act a bit, since they have to fake – year after year – NOT being horribly embarrassed every time they win these awards, since they know their fanatical twihards vote en masse like cyborgs. But I’m sure the likes of Kristen Stewart know that “BEST” anything isn’t Twilight’s forte.
I’m so waiting for this crap to be over and Kristen can get her teeth (no pun intended)into interesting roles.
I wish they had allowed kstew and Bieber to kiss. I think it would have been a really important moment for lesbian viability in the media.
I hate Twilight.
That is all.
I hate Twilight too.
That is also all.
…what is this “Twilight” all the kids are talking about? Is it a movie about stargazing?
How many more Twilight movies are left? Because every time one’s released, I barricade myself in my house and try not to turn on the TV or visit movie sites that tend to have the poster plastered as their background. Ugh.
I have to keep reminding myself that this is MTV and that the tweens (and few pathetic grown women who drool over Lautner) flood the ballot boxes for the drivel that was first passed off as a “literary” work and now passed off as visual “art.”
Am I the only one trying to figure out what exactly is going on with KStew’s dress? Looks like bedazzled red pleather + safety pins? Idk.
i found it confusing that kstew seemed to be upset by her awkwardness. it just made things more awkward. like everyone knew she was going to be, and then she was, and then she was upset and awkward about it. especially when she won best female performance and was all like “haha natalie i got the popcorn hahah” and then was all like oops that was mad awkward bye.
It’s because she doesn’t have nipple confidence.
THISTHISTHIS = GENIUS.
“Have you ever noticed that Kristen Stewart sometimes looks like a lesbian?”
AS, understatement of the year.
Thanks for bringing this issue up. Speaking of gayness, you gotta check this out. http://youtu.be/HANQnqFgmHc