VIDEO! Julie & Brandy in Your Box Office #201: Black Swan Did You Really Happen

Wow can you believe it? At last, the Season Two premiere of Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard In Your Box Office. In honor of the lesbo-vadge-rage inspired by Black Swan and a subsequent flare-up of aforementioned rage while reading Autostraddle’s post on The Oscars, in which many readers shared positive emotions about the film Black Swan, Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard have decided to open Season 2 with Black Swan, which Julie liked less than Avatar.

A quick refresher:

Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard are a sensational acting/writing duo trying to cause a sensation with their romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.

But since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianisim, and lack of any real significant training.

Are you ready? Do you have a big bowl of popcorn or a giant box of Crispix? I hope so. It’s time for the eleventh heart-stopping, stomach-pounding episode of the internet sensation and world-famous comedy extravaganza, Brandy Howard & Julie Goldman in your box office! Review edited by Riese, Re-enactment edited by J/B.

(For the best viewing experience, select “720p”)

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julie and brandy

has written 20 articles for us.


  1. How dare you imply I only watched it because I had a hard on for Natalie Portman! I obviously had a hard on for Mila Kunis ;)

    I was just really confused by this movie. Also I have eczema so all the scratching made me itchy.

  2. i can’t believe she won the oscar. i mean i can, i saw it coming, but wtf. i do hate to see her cry, though. if only i could comfort her in those moments. i totally watched this movie because i had a hard-on for portman. i thought it was dumb. i think the critics and everyone talking about how great it is must be under some sort of spell.

  3. a few things:

    a) this is key:

    b) going down on oneself: i thought this is why people are jealous of dogs and cats? nobody wants a slice of their own pie?

    c) julie, saying you’ll personally slap the next person that says black swan had a lesbian scene is more of an incentive than a punishment.

    d) i seriously had no idea that ecstacy was over. i thought i’d put a new spin on it by taking it during santacon this year, but i still wound up dancing (poorly) at a really bad club wearing a neon necklace. in a santa suit.

    e) brandi, blaming the dog is older than ecstacy. own the fart.

    this video was awesome thank you thank you thank you

  4. i was also very confused by the black swan hullabaloo. i saw it on the internet while very stoned at like 2 am. i thought it was a cool thing to watch, like an indie/artsy horror flick or something in that it was suspenseful and visually interesting but it wasn’t GOOD or DEEP or anything. also it felt too trippy to watch sober.

    i feel like oscars are given for an actor’s entire body of work, not for that movie. i mean i basically just imagined that she was really getting it for Closer.

    anyhow obviously as the editor of this video i think it’s HILARIOUS especially the “attack it” sequence

  5. So I probs won’t be able to eat an Entenmann’s chocolate donut the same. Ever. But burritos are still safe. Burritos = always ALWAYS safe.

    Ps. Your spin sequence was great. I was going to not write this as a comment, but yeah…I already started writing…so.

  6. Yeah Black swan kinda really sucked.I wasn’t even overly impresses with one of my all time faves.I think Natalie got an Oscar because well they couldn’t give one to Rourke last year he burned too many bridges what with his throwing his talent away around and being a general douchebag but still not many actors can touch him now they certainly couldn’t in the 80’s.So Natalie got Rourke’s Oscar but that’s ok by me.My love for Natalie has kind of gone to the same place where my love for Angelina went when she got hitched to Brad Pitt and she started accumulating kids.It’s not quite in that place yet but the bus is headed in that direction.

  7. My gf freaking loved this movie. To the point where I feared violent, angry outbursts of pure rage for anyone who said they didn’t like it/it wasn’t thebestmovieofalltimeomg (which included me). I just really didn’t see what was so awesome about it other than pretty people in tight clothing.

  8. I liked it. Pretty women and Tchaikovsky and mindfuckery. But honestly yeah I wouldn’t have gone to see it in theaters three times if it wasn’t for Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis.

    Did anyone else go back to confirm by strategic pausing that Brandy wasn’t wearing any underwear when she said she wasn’t? Being of a curious, scientific mind, I did…

  9. The netflix ad on this page keeps tryin to get me to rent fuckin Hot Sub Prime Machine, or whatever that shitty ass movie is called. FUCK THAT. Anyways, you two are amazing, as always.

  10. I watched this movie like three times coz the first two times I was for real on Ambien and kept forgetting what I was watching. But even by the third time I still didn’t get it. Mean Girls 2 was better, just saying.

  11. Dammit I want a burrito.
    You guys just win the world.

    (and because Aronofsky fathered the great Pi and the Fountain, I think I’m going to give its defense a shot:

    It took me a long, long time to come to terms with the homogayness. I got a nice case of OCD out of all the internal conflicts… the scratching kind. My psychiatrist at the time told me that compulsive scratching’s often related to identity issues. My body wasn’t mine, I also struggled (and still do to this day) with anorexia, and Black Swan spoke to me. A lot. Nina can’t connect with herself because of her inhibitions / an overbearing mother / an obsession with success and perfection. Her body’s telling her stuff and she doesn’t know what it means. I was Nina (well except for the hotness and stuff).

    I think you kinda have to see Pi to get where he’s coming from, but I thought he really hit the nail on its head (with an exquisite sense of aesthetics, as usual) That dude knows his shit!

    Also, the lesbian promotion didn’t do the movie any justice. This wasn’t about that, and you said it, she’s having sex with herself, not Lily. So I was annoyed by all the LGBT portrayal complaints.)

    Sorry for the parenthesis, bayh you guys and keep kickin’ ass!

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