Hello again! Did you miss us? Did you, like us, fret that this beloved television program would not return? Most importantly, did you miss The L Word: Generation Q? Then boy do we have a treat for you! After a quick one year time jump, the gang is back, and they’re looking to find The One this season, among other pressing concerns like raising enough money for the MS Society. That’s right, it’s the season premiere and we’ve got a big event: a fundraiser at Dana’s.

In other big events of the episode: Finley returns from rehab and sober living, Micah wants to marry Mari, and yes okay of COURSE we have the long awaited conclusion to Tina showing up at Bette’s doorstep. Will these two crazy kids finally make it work?

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SHOW NOTES

+ Riese’s recap for Episode 301: Last Year
+ The Instagram post that clued “Q titles” for this season
+ If you needed a refresher about the original basketball episode
+ Riese’s review of Queer as Folk, from whence we recognize Chris Renfro
+ More information about Venus signs
+ If Shane had cut Kehla Ivy’s hair, they could have made this iconic list of homoerotic haircuts
+ This is the (joke!) tweet that Drew sent me
+ Once again a plug to follow me on Letterboxd where I’m doing a rom com viewing project this year
+ Go re-read the Dating Downloads, since there aren’t any more dating apps to review

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Drew: Hi, I’m Drew.

Analyssa: And I’m Analyssa.

Riese: And I’m Riese.

Drew: And this is…

All: To L and Back: Generation Q Edition.

Drew: That was pretty good. It’s been a long time.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: I sounded like I was reciting it, because I was.

Riese: Yeah, we’re back, bitches. So excited.

Drew: How have you both been? It’s been…

Analyssa: Wait, okay. Can someone tell me actually, when was the last time we recorded this podcast? I was thinking about it and I can’t remember. It’s just that so much has happened, which, you know?

Riese: That’s what happens. Time passes and things happen and…

Analyssa: And so much happens and so much change happens. And aren’t we just going to talk about that later? But more importantly…

Riese: Well also there was this whole period of time after, how long did it take for them to renew the show? Like six months?

Drew: Right.

Analyssa: Yeah.

Riese: That was very stressful for me.

Drew: Yeah. We thought it was going to get canceled. So the show, the premiere of season two was August 6th, 2021 and the finale was October 11th, 2021.

Riese: So it’s been a long time. During part of that time we had to really grapple with the possibility that the show would not return, which definitely made me love the show more because I realized just exactly how devastated I would be were it not to return.

Drew: I did famously say last season, at the end, that I wasn’t going to be watching Season 3 or coming back to the podcast.

Riese: Yeah, I didn’t believe you.

Drew: I think I thought I was going to be more successful in the year that passed. But I’ve really just taken a few little steps. It hasn’t really been… and I still like hanging with my pals.

Riese: Yeah!

Drew: And you know what, I’m happy to be here.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Well, should we talk a little bit about this episode?

Riese: Yeah. Tell us about the episode.

Drew: It’s called Last Year and it was written by Marja-Lewis Ryan, who you may know, showrunner of The L Word: Generation Q. And it’s directed by Katrelle N. Kindred, who directed last season’s Love Shack, which is the karaoke episode.

Riese: Oh, my fave!

Drew: Which is, in my opinion, the best episode of Gen Q.

Analyssa: That was a fun one.

Drew: And also directed an episode of A League of Their Own.

Riese: Oh wow.

Drew: Which is a great show.

Riese: A wonderful show. Yeah. That would be fun to do a podcast on.

Analyssa: A queer podcast-worthy show that has come out since the last time we were recording this podcast, of another queer podcast-worthy show.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Yeah. I mean I was just looking forward to that show and now I’ve enjoyed that show, and now I’m wondering if that show’s going to get renewed.

Analyssa: Right.

Riese: Right.

Drew: Ah, to be gay and watch television.

Riese: Yeah, I know. We just get a little bit of shows. Because I think it’s like, we were like don’t kill our characters. And they were like, well if we can’t kill them then we’re just going to cancel it.

Analyssa: Trade offer. Instead of killing an individual queer character, what if we just…

Riese: Killed the series.

Analyssa: Wasn’t there a note on the scripts for this episode that they might do Q titles?

Riese: Yeah, they are doing Q titles.

Analyssa: But then today’s is Last Year, which is an L title.

Riese: Episode three is called Quiz Show.

Analyssa: Whoa. Oh, they’re mixing it up mid-season.

Riese: Yeah. There are several Q titles coming up, yeah.

Analyssa: This is like how in my fantasy football team, this is actually not at all like that, but I had to pick up a new quarterback and I named my team after the original quarterback and I’ve been thinking about changing my team name mid-season.

Drew: Wow.

Riese: They should actually have an episode called “Quarterback” and it could be a football episode.

Drew: Ooh, fun.

Analyssa: Oh, fun.

Riese: And they could all play football.

Analyssa: Like the basketball one.

Riese: Yes, exactly.

Analyssa: Iconic.

Riese: Iconic. Yeah. I’m full of great ideas, again. Most shocking perhaps about this season is that once again, I did not write it in any capacity.

Analyssa: Despite having so many ideas.

Riese: I was not hired at all, and I don’t know why. But alas, alas.

Drew: I just want to say that the previously on for this episode was…

Riese: A journey.

Analyssa: Wild.

Drew: I didn’t remember a lot of those things.

Riese: I remembered every minute of it because I had to watch every episode 17 times. I know it better than my own life.

Drew: Wow. Should we get into it?

Riese: Let’s get into it!

Drew: Well, one thing about the last season is that it ended with a knock on the door and we pick right back up.

Riese: Tiny Tina.

Analyssa: Tina on the other side of the door. Here’s the thing, right? The more that things change…

Riese: The more they stay the same.

Analyssa: Truly. So yeah, Bette and Tina have to have a convo because Tina’s like,

Tina: Are you in love with me?

Analyssa: And Bette is like,

Bette: Yeah.

Analyssa: Duh. That’s why I’ve been sabotaging everything that’s been going on since you’ve re-arrived at my home. One thing I do just want to call out is that I loved that Bette was in an all white outfit and Tina was in an all black outfit.

Riese: Oh she was? I didn’t notice that. Wow.

Analyssa: Very yin and yang inspired.

Riese: Yeah. Just like the black and white ball, but in their, do you say foyer or foy-eh?

Analyssa: I say foyer cause I don’t think I can pull off foy-eh.

Drew: I say foy-eh. Is that wrong?

Riese: No, you can pull it off.

Analyssa: It’s just that you’re fancy.

Riese: I’m like, Drew probably heard that in a French film.

Analyssa: And I feel like I’m from the Midwest and I just don’t present as…

Drew: Right, like I can’t pull off y’all.

Riese: Yeah, from Michigan.

Drew: I’m from Southern California. I can’t pull off a y’all.

Analyssa: And see. I say y’all all the time.

Riese: Yeah, me too.

Drew: Wow. It’s so special how different we are. And my reference point for black and white would be a black and white cookie, because I’m also Jewish.

Riese: Oh yeah.

Analyssa: Wow.

Riese: Okay. So basically, believe it or not, Bette and Tina still have feelings for each other.

Drew: They have feelings for each other. But Tina very much is being all boundaried and is like, this isn’t how you love someone. You’ve never treated me well. You’ve never known how to love me, blah blah, blah blah, blah. I can’t marry Carrie, but I also can’t be with you. I’m leaving. And then Bette shouts.

Bette: Fuckkkkkkkkkk!!!!

Drew: And then we see one year later and I shouted because I was so caught off guard. I love a time jump. One of my favorite things when TV shows do it because it just feels so chaotic. You just didn’t want to deal with any of those storylines. Let’s go.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: How’d you leave the conversation? What happened? It is one year later and Alice is hooking up with someone. Right? Is that the next thing?

Riese: Yeah. I believe this is what I would call a crossover episode.

Drew: Right. It’s Chris Renfro from Queer as Folk.

Riese: Yes. They played Daddius in Queer as Folk and they died.

Drew: Yes, they did. They’re alive here though.

Riese: In the very first episode.

Drew: They’re alive here.

Riese: They died right away, so it’s a spoiler, but it’s not really.

Analyssa: Look, my thing about Alice being bisexual, I love it. I wish that she also loved it. How come every time Alice is hooking up with someone who’s not Nat and Gigi, she seems to be having just the world’s worst time?

Drew: Right, yes. It’s unfortunate.

Riese: I thought she was having a good time.

Analyssa: Did you?

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Huh.

Riese: I feel like she’s having as good of a time as she’s had. I mean she always is a little, her sex scenes are always a little silly.

Drew: Yeah, that’s fair.

Riese: Like with Phyllis, and I don’t know. Except for when it’s someone she’s in love with, her sex scenes are always pretty silly.

Drew: Was her sex scene with Tom ever like hot?

Riese: It was brief.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Yeah. Okay. Maybe I’m just projecting.

Drew: And, in the last year…

Analyssa: Well this is, maybe I just want to segue into the thing about me, which is that in the last year I have also re-come out as bisexual. Which Alice had to do last season, remember? She was like everyone… Although I was, the call was coming from inside house, I was branding myself as a lesbian. I thought I was. Anyway, the point is…

Riese: That you have a boyfriend.

Analyssa: The point is that I have a boyfriend. That’s also…

Riese: And his name is Tom.

Analyssa: Not the point I was going to make…

Riese: And he’s a writer.

Analyssa: I just felt like Alice is always hooking up with these people who she kind of doesn’t like that much. And actually for me, a key tenet of bisexuality is if I didn’t like this one boy so much, I would still just date women probably.

Drew: Yeah. I mean, so basically this person has blue hair and is Gen Z and a semi-influencer. The actor is probably not Gen Z. Like Gen Z is young…

Analyssa: I feel like they’re…

Riese: No. I thought they were older.

Drew: I don’t think people understand generations. They’re always calling people Millennials and Gen Z when they’re not. But whatever. Alice is with someone who’s much younger and we sort of get into a little bit of a, let’s check in on all the characters in a sexual way. Many of them.

Riese: Yeah, and that’s my favorite way to check in with characters.

Drew: Well, actually the next check in, they’re not having… Well they eventually have sex, but it’s Shane and Tess and with Tess’s mom and also Cool Hand Luke poster on the wall. Just wanted to clock that. Exciting stuff.

Riese: Margaret Chenowith.

Drew: They’re still together.

Riese: Oh yeah. Tess and Shane are still together. Tess’s shirt is so many different stripes. And that shows the diversity of life and that we’re all growing and changing. And Shane is… Shane slips very easily, always into this nice little domestic role, but it’s not really what, you know?

Drew: But now that it’s…

Analyssa: Shane doesn’t love it.

Riese: Tess is horny.

Analyssa: But she’s good at it.

Drew: It’s been a year gap though, so she’s been doing it for a while. What’s the longest relationship Shane’s had? Is it this?

Riese: No.

Drew: Oh, was she with Carmen for more than a year?

Riese: She was with Carmen for a little over a year. I actually started mapping this out the other day and then I thought, Marie — that’s my full name — get your shit together, you know? But I did figure out that with Carmen it was, because there was this, especially if you count the whole time that Shane and Carmen were dating, it was actually pretty long. Because there was a six month time jump between season two and season three of the original series.

Drew: Right, we love time jumps.

Riese: We love time jumps, yeah.

Drew: So then also Dani and Gigi are still together. Everyone’s still together. Dani’s like, we should move in together and Gigi’s like, I need to talk to Nat about that. Which makes total sense to me, but Dani’s very upset by this.

Analyssa: Yeah. I was like, don’t they have to do this a lot? They have children, this has to come up a lot. One thing I do want to say about this is that Gigi says Beverly is down to one lane. And I was like, finally someone in this television show drives in Los Angeles. Because they’re always kind of like, yeah, I’ll just pop over. And this was true traffic representation.

Riese: I was like, oh my God, if Beverly’s down to one lane, we’re all screwed. It’s fine, it’s on the way to the mall. But the point of this is that, well not everyone’s together because Alice and Tom aren’t together.

Drew: That’s true. But we don’t get to s-

Analyssa: We didn’t, yeah, see any of that end.

Drew: Will we? I don’t know, not in this episode. Angie is moving into college. We get a fun little remark of Alice talking about Gen Z and being like, I’m hot and bisexual, I’m ahead of my time. I’m just like Gen Z. Angie is wearing a “Sisterhood is Powerful” shirt, which feels way more Gen X than Gen Z. And I don’t understand why they have her in that.

Riese: Because sisterhood is powerful.

Analyssa: True.

Drew: Well, I guess that is hard to argue with.

Riese: Yeah, exactly.

Analyssa: Yeah. What do you have to say now?

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: So, it’s clear Tina and Bette haven’t seen each other in a year. And they’re like, but Bette’s been doing all kinds of personal work and then she pulls up and she looks really serene. She’s in a Tesla, which is sinister.

Analyssa: But she looks serene behind the wheel. And then when she gets rear-ended, critically she does not yell. Doesn’t even raise her temper. She’s just chill. And she even gives the girl a hug and says,

Bette: The only thing you have to do is hold compassion for yourself and enjoy move-in day.

Riese: Yeah, she doesn’t go, what makes you think I’m not already?

Drew: Growth.

Riese: And Tina’s impressed.

Analyssa: This tiny glimpse of growth is enough to sort of change Tina’s heart and mind a bit.

Drew: Tina is horny for Bette finally being an adult.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: I do love, we’re all going to die, so what’s a little bumper?

Riese: Oh my god, I loved that. Because that’s how I feel about literally everything.

Analyssa: That’s perfect.

Riese: We’re all going to die. Let’s do this podcast. We’re all going to die. Sisterhood is powerful. You know?

Analyssa: We’re all going to die.

Riese: Wear it. We’re all going to die.

Drew: Next character check in, Sophie and Micah. You know, Micah’s being that good trans friend to Sophie as they’re talking about Finley coming back. We do get a little bit of a taste of what’s going on in Micah’s life, which is that he’s proposing to Maribel.

Analyssa: They’ve been together a year.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: It’s something you can do with a character. And then Finley shows up.

Analyssa: And Finley’s been in sober living since whenever she left rehab. Don’t know the amounts of time there, but that’s where she has been. And she’s returning.

Riese: I guess a year. Okay, well so I did the timeline last year, right? So last year ended on May 22nd I want to say. And now based on a date that we get in the next episode, now we’re in September.

Analyssa: Got it.

Riese: So somehow Finley’s been in rehab and sober living for over a year and they haven’t seen each other.

Analyssa: Here’s one thing I want to say about Finley’s sobriety storyline just upfront, I’m just going to say, I’ve decided to just go on this journey with them. I know too much actually about what it’s like to get sober, how people act in these situations. I’m saying that’s what they want me to believe she did? Gorgeous.

Riese: Yeah, wonderful.

Analyssa: So, I’m here to provide that for you guys.

Riese: And I think that also it’s just really nice that they could afford to do that. That would be nice. I would love to spend a year in sober living.

Analyssa: Totally.

Drew: Yeah. I think also, what is a year? A year for one person can be a year for another. Yeah. So who knows how long the year time jump was, we don’t need to worry about it. Finley and Sophie go on a little picnic and Finley says that 28 Days with Sandra Bullock is a documentary.

Analyssa: Honestly, before I got sober, I did watch that movie on a plane and it did make me cry the entire time. It’s like 97 minutes I bet, and I probably cried for 94 of them. So honestly, she was not wrong about this. Actually this is one part of her sobriety storyline that I will go on and say that’s a banger. That’s what I’ll say.

Riese: But she seemed to have had a cute time. Oh, also her hair is dark now.

Drew: Yes oh, very important.

Analyssa: Oh yeah!

Riese: Which is crucial. And then she decides that she is going to, I guess we’re supposed to think these are her amends? Which she is not doing correctly.

Analyssa: Really not. But in this world, that’s what amends look like, so we’re going to go with it.

Drew: I think I actually would be interested, I think this is maybe a time, like nitpicking timeline I don’t think we need to do, but I would be interested in knowing what the show is maybe cutting corners on, or misrepresenting as far as making amends goes.

Analyssa: Well, I do feel probably every specific sponsor tells their sponsee to do amends slightly differently. But I feel like there’s a lot of format to a lot of AA steps actually. You do all this work before you even get to amends that are about what your character… They call them defects in the program, which is kind of tough and people use different language, but which of those contributed to the specific issues.

And the thing that bumped me here a little bit was she’s sort of just being like, yeah, I didn’t love you in the way that you were supposed to be loved. Which is actually, you’re supposed to really drill into like the time I didn’t show up for you at this, and the time we got pulled over for this, and how those all contributed to you feeling like this. And she kind of lets, in a couple of these, lets the person who she’s talking to kind of brush her off and be like, it doesn’t matter, it’s fine. And the real big thing is you’re supposed to finish. You go in, even if you haven’t written it out, my sponsor made me write them out. But you say all the things you’re supposed to say and then you say, do you have anything you want to say to me about this? And that got cut. So there’s just like…

Drew: Sure.

Riese: Well I think, and another main thing which comes up more later is that you have to ask somebody. You can’t just launch into it. You have to set a time to do it. And if they don’t want to do it, then you don’t do it. You don’t push it on anybody who’s not ready or at a time when they’re not ready for it.

Drew: Maybe when they’re at work organizing some sort of fundraiser, maybe, theoretically.

Analyssa: Oh yeah. I forgot that that was a note that I had later in the pod. And you just don’t go like, Hey, can we chat? It’s very… I had to craft a text, show it to my sponsor and be like, can I send this to my ex from college? Can I send this to… you have a very, Hey, here’s what I’m about to do. Are we good to set a time for that? But I did love that they’re still being very silly together at the end of this.

Riese: Yeah, it was cute.

Analyssa: They are making their little poop and fart jokes and they’re like jumping on each other. It’s just very sweet. It’s what we like about them. They’re very fun and silly together. And I think that comes back later too.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Still Team Sinley. We get a brief little, some brief moments of Angie’s college goodbyes.

Riese: That was really cute, I thought.

Analyssa: It was really sweet. I love how many grownups she has, you know? Also, speaking of hair changes to signify growth, Bette’s little shag, hip, wolf cut thing she’s got going on. Loved it.

Riese: Yeah. It’s cute, because they’re really pushy and they want to over-mother her and then she’s… Pushes them off. But then once they leave then she wants to hug. And I was like, that’s so fucking cute. Oh, but also we did not discuss the fact that she’s attending California University.

Drew: Oh, yeah.

Riese: Famously, I mean in addition to being the university attended by the characters of every show ever, including Saved by the Bell, Beverly Hills 90210, it’s also the university where Bette Porter had a infamous tenure.

Drew: Wow, that’s true.

Riese: Yeah. So…

Drew: I didn’t piece that together.

Riese: Everyone should just simmer on that and think about what it would be like for Angie.

Drew: Well, I do think it probably helped her get in. Not that, I mean, Angie’s great. I’m sure Angie could get in on her own merit.

Analyssa: College is really hard to get into these days, I hear though.

Riese: Yeah, well, but California University, again famously does seem to let in entire groups of friends. So they might not be that selective.

Drew: She didn’t even need the nepotism.

Riese: No.

Drew: Wow.

Analyssa: I will say, I put in my notes when they left and Angie hadn’t hugged them. I was like, oh my God. And then I wrote, oh no phew, okay. So then after Angie runs out to give them both a hug, then Bette and Tina leave, walk out together. And Tina asked Bette if she’s going to the fundraiser, which is this episode’s big event to get everybody in the same room. And Tina had earlier told Shane that she was not going. And now she tells Bette she is going and it’s because she saw Bette get into that car accident.

Riese: Yeah, she saw we’re all going to die soon Bette, and was like, all right I’m in. But first she gets a call from Pippa.

Analyssa: Oh, right!

Riese: So they’re in touch.

Analyssa: They speak still.

Riese: They speak. Yeah.

Analyssa: But Pippa’s in South Africa.

Riese: Right.

Drew: Yeah, and we learn later that Bette apologized to Pippa and was really open and communicative. Which…

Analyssa: All part of her work on herself.

Drew: Cool. Yeah, it’s a fundraiser for the MS Society at Dana’s, where else. And Alice is in a white suit. Those my first two notes.

Analyssa: Alice loves this little dumb and dumber suit palette and I love that for her.

Riese: Yeah, the big suits, oversized, the big accessories.

Analyssa: Yes and blue, she really likes that blue shade.

Riese: Yes she does. And I love it for her.

Analyssa: And I love it for her. She looks so fun.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Okay. So they’re trying to raise, Dani is here helping produce the event, I think?

Riese: Yeah. I think she’s an event planner now.

Analyssa: Yeah. Later she mentions other jobs that she’s doing. So I feel like it’s producer, event coordination stuff.

Riese: Yeah, she should work for us.

Analyssa: And they’re trying to raise $5,000 and they’re doing a little auction.

Drew: They said that the cost of the event was $5,000. So they need to do that to make the money back. And then everything else is being donated. So yeah, I think that makes sense to me.

Analyssa: I do just think Tess, and I understand not wanting to ask your friends for money, but also I don’t, because I think sometimes your friends have money to give. Wow, this would be a great plug for an Autostraddle fundraiser if we were still running it now. But Tess knows wealthy people.

Riese: I mean she kind of does get them to…

Drew: That’s the reason why you’d have a party like this. Because I think rich people love to get to show, they’re in the room and they get to go, oh, $10,000. And then that feels better than just quiet, like they want to show off.

Analyssa: Sure, okay.

Riese: Yeah, and then they get a deer.

Analyssa: And I love Shane and Alice doing this groundwork still. They’re still like, hey Tina, Bette’s better now. Don’t even worry. Bette’s better now. Which is kind of fun.

Riese: Yeah, I know. It’s like, this is sort of this idea that it’s like Angie’s parents are getting back together, but it kind of also feels like it’s Shane and Alice’s parents getting back together.

Drew: Totally.

Analyssa: Because this event does not have enough things going on, Micah has also decided that he would like to propose tonight.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Like what?

Analyssa: Everyone knows, I actually, I stand by him on this one reason, which is, he says now everybody knows so she’s going to find out if I don’t do it. Which…

Riese: Right.

Drew: That is fair.

Analyssa: That is how queer circles work.

Drew: I would argue and this is just my own personal opinion. I’m unmarried. I don’t believe in surprise proposals. I think you should have talked about wanting to get married. You don’t have to know when. It can still be a thing where you’ve talked about how someday soon you want to get married. But I think you should have had a conversation with your partner about, do they want to get married? Do they like marriage? That’s just a personal thing. It’s not a critique of the show. Plenty of people do surprise proposals. That’s just my personal preference.

Riese: I think you should never talk about it. And then you should go to a sports game and then on the jumbotron you should be like, will you be my wife?

Analyssa: My dream actually is to be proposed to via jumbotron. I’m a sports girlie at heart.

Drew: Yeah, I could see that for you.

Riese: Yeah, or someone comes down, you’re at a hockey game and then it’s a bunch of figure skaters come on. And they dance and they form a heart. And then it’s like, will you marry me? That’s what I think. That’s what I think Micah should have been doing tonight but instead he’s going to, what? Auction off this wedding ring?

Analyssa: He’s going to stand up there and bid. Yeah.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: In other Maribel news, she doesn’t want Sophie and Finley to be together.

Riese: Yeah, she hates Finley.

Drew: I would say, fair as a protective sibling.

Riese: Although, when she’s like, she ruined your wedding, I’m like, no she didn’t. The wedding was already ruined.

Analyssa: And yeah, again, I’m on this journey with them. I’ve just decided to commit to the vision of what Finley’s drunkenness and therefore sobriety mean. But much like the amends that Finley gave to Sophie, in this, I’m like, I guess I believe you that that’s your experience, but I didn’t see all that. And I wish that either I had or we weren’t talking about that particular thing, but to Drew’s point, protective sibling stuff. Fair.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: But Sophie’s like Finley’s completely better now. Which I think is sort of a fantasy that she has, that all of Finley’s problems were caused by alcohol and all of them will be fixed by her not drinking alcohol. And that’s obviously not going to be the case.

Analyssa: Finley has gone to talk to Tess and Shane and also do some surprise amends, which also get cut really short. And they’re like, it’s totally fine. And they offer…

Riese: Also don’t, why are you trying to have serious conversations with people while they’re at work? I don’t know. It’s fine.

Analyssa: This event, not the time or place for any of this. They offer her her job back. And I’ll just say, Ana speaking for Ana, I might not even have gone to this event fresh off any of my sobriety stuff. It seems like a lot.

Riese: I don’t know if I’ve been to a bar in over a year.

Analyssa: It’s hard. I’ve gone to bars, but I’m like, I don’t love it the way that I used to and it comes with a lot of stuff. And maybe for someone who’s fresh back into their life…

Riese: Working at a bar is the worst idea in the whole world. I don’t know how Tess does it. I don’t know how Tess is so fucking passionate as we’ll see. Very passionate about owning bars. But I was like, this is the worst idea ever. But I hope, I guess what I hope is that it doesn’t become a thing. If they’re going to have her work at the bar, just don’t even address it.

Analyssa: Or they’re like, her and Tess are hanging and they’re like, oh, this can be fine.

Riese: Yeah, it’s fine.

Analyssa: We’re fine. But I don’t…

Riese: Yeah, I don’t want to… she’s tempted to drink because it’s just right in front of her thing. That’s boring.

Drew: Absolutely.

Analyssa: And we already saw that kind of with Tess in the first season, whatever. Yeah, so…

Drew: Not boring though is next up we have an appearance from Kehlani. And I was so excited.

Riese: Yes. She looks amazing.

Analyssa: So good, so attractive.

Riese: Yeah. Yeah. She really shines. She’s such an actress and I give her an Emmy and a Pulitzer.

Analyssa: Immediate Emmy.

Riese: Immediate Emmy!

Analyssa: For saying “Shut the door. You can’t come in here.”

Drew: Emmy.

Analyssa: I don’t even know what’s going on in that room. Honestly, but-

Drew: No, I don’t either.

Riese: Chaos. Also, what’s that room? I don’t know.

Drew: No idea. I don’t care.

Riese: It’s like a secret passageway to a secret potential magical world.

Analyssa: Yeah, I thought Shane was going to discover a secret underground gambling ring again.

Riese: Yeah, and that’s what this show needs.

Drew: I would follow Kehlani to Narnia, to a gambling ring. Really to anywhere.

Riese: It would’ve been cool if this was a portal to another dimension. Do you know what I mean?

Analyssa: Maybe it did and that’s where Kehlani has come from, to come grace this cast.

Riese: Oh my god, that’s so cute.

Drew: A different world, like The Faraway Tree.

Analyssa: So they have a moment where it’s like, Shane can’t go into this room, Shane goes back to the bar.

Riese: Yes. We do know what Kehlani’s there for. Which is that she’s the makeup artist, because they had a makeup artist cancel earlier that day and she’s the makeup artist from the glam team. Alice’s glam team, who Alice said they’ll fill in, they’ll do the makeover, which I hope someone buys for me.

Drew: Is the makeover happening the night of the thing? I was confused.

Riese: It’s probably like a make your own makeover.

Drew: Night of the party.

Riese: Yeah, you could be like, I want my makeover before the Gentleman Jack event.

Drew: Oh but, okay. Okay.

Riese: Or you could be like, I want my makeover before this wedding that I’m going to, or I want my makeover before I…

Drew: Right, but why is she there? Just to be like, and she’ll be hot, so you really want…

Riese: That is a good question, Drew. Yeah.

Drew: I think that would sell me. I mean, I…

Riese: That would sell me too, yeah.

Drew: I would be like, I don’t need a makeover, really. And then I’d see Kehlani and I’d be like…

Riese: I would be like, so she’s going to touch my hair?

Drew: $10,000!

Analyssa: That’s my thing is I would actually be like, let’s have Kehlani stand on stage when people bid so they know they get to hang out with a very hot person. How’s that work? Okay. So then back at the big ex reunion that will be talked about for ages.

Riese: I don’t have notes so I…

Analyssa: Right. I was like, you looked like you were thinking.

Riese: Oh I am always thinking. Yeah, it’s just non-stop.

Drew: Yeah, she asked what season.

Analyssa: I get a good laugh out of any time there’s TV stuff in this specific TV show. It just really gets a chuckle out of me every time.

Drew: And Tina is flying to Toronto tomorrow.

Analyssa: And that’s relatable to you.

Drew: It is relatable to me.

Analyssa: Whatever show Tina’s on is in season nine, which honestly mazel to her, that’s a big get in this era.

Riese: Yeah, that’s a really long show. It must be a show about a man with a gun.

Analyssa: Or it’s like a reality show, but it’s not because she’s talking about scripts and stuff.

Riese: Yeah and she’s in Toronto.

Drew: I can make actual Canadian references now, but I wish, what is that show that’s been on for forever?

Riese: Dr. Who.

Drew: No, no, no.

Riese: Coronation Street.

Drew: It’s a Canadian show. It’s like an old-timey murder mystery show and it’s been on for 18 years.

Riese: Murdoch Mysteries.

Drew: Murdoch Mysteries! Yes. Murdoch Mysteries.

Analyssa: Tina’s producing Murdoch Mysteries.

Riese: Oh my God, I love that for her.

Analyssa: Also a thing that got a chuckle out of me is Alice being taught TikTok, her date teaching her about TikTok and then Shane comes over and forces her to pay attention to Bette and Tina. There’s just a funny art imitating life kind of situation going on.

Drew: Okay, I have an astrology problem.

Riese: I know I was about to say, when you lifted your hand I was like, you’re about to talk about astrology.

Drew: Okay, because this person who Alice is hooking up with where I don’t know what their gender is.

Analyssa: What’s their name?

Riese: Daddius?

Analyssa: No.

Drew: No it’s not.

Riese: That’s their name on Queer as Folk. Teddy.

Analyssa: Teddy.

Drew: Okay. I don’t know Teddy’s gender, but they’re like, asked Shane what her Venus is because they say that she has an intensity to her. But Venus is like how you are with love and relationships, so what does that have to do with her intensity to some stranger she just met, they should have asked Shane for her sun or her moon.

Riese: Or her…

Drew: Rising.

Riese: Mercury. Or her sandstone.

Drew: I was like this is not, that’s not the placement to ask about. We do learn that Alice is a Taurus Venus.

Teddy: But not in a derogatory way.

Drew: That part of the astrology checked out for me.

Analyssa: I also got a giggle out of Finley coming over and talking about Venmo-ing weird amounts to Alice. The idea of Finley. I really was endeared by this, the idea of Finley being like, I’m going to Venmo her anytime I have…

Riese: A little extra money.

Analyssa: One to seven dollars in my bank account that I don’t need. And just chipping away at something.

Drew: This is a message to everyone. Free yourself from the capitalist message that you can never take money from people or that you need to pay back or whatever. Obviously if you take a loan out and you want to pay your friend back because you agreed to that, whatever. But Ellen DeGeneres of The L Word universe? Do not pay Alice Pieszecki money back.

Riese: Yeah, don’t pay Alice back, you can keep your money! Also, if…

Drew: It’s not that I don’t believe Finley would do that. I also found it very funny and very Finley, but please keep your money if you are a broke queer person…

Riese: Who’s about to work at a bar, even though you’re newly sober, just keep your money. But if I had that much money, I would love to be able to give it to Finley for rehab and not be paid back. That’s why you have that much money, so that you can help people who don’t have it.

Drew: Alice could send it back though. And apparently she’s not doing that so.

Analyssa: Well, she doesn’t really know how to use any social media is what I’ve learned.

Riese: And also, what is she going to do? It’s probably $1.50 and she’s like, am I going to really send back $1.50, you know?

Analyssa: What she could do is save it all and then cash it out and then pay it back to Finley later, if she really was like…

Riese: Yeah, with the rocket pop emoji.

Analyssa: Basically the next big set-piece is Finley tries to talk to Dani.

Riese: Which is so… I decided I was just going to nitpick one thing in this whole episode. Just pick one and it’s this.

Drew: Wow, mm-hmm. That’s fair.

Analyssa: I think that’s right.

Drew: This is also my…

Riese: Because, first of all, so you’re not supposed to do amends with someone if you think it’ll hurt them more than it will benefit either of you, right? Or more than it will benefit them. But you’re really not supposed to do it to somebody who says no.

Analyssa: Right. I actually really appreciate Dani. I know it’s messy, but I was really kind of there for her being like, I don’t find you charming. You think everyone finds you charming and I do not. Stop it.

Riese: Riese might still find you charming but nobody else does.

Analyssa: I know. And I was like, I kind of find you charming, okay. A little bit. But I think Finley is trying to be like, but I’m not that person anymore, which I totally understand. But these two characters are never going to be able to have that kind of normal deep conversation because of everything that has happened.

Drew: You can’t Graduate someone and then be like, let’s be buds.

Analyssa: Let’s be pals. And yeah, the biggest thing is, so inappropriate to go up to somebody and be like, hey, can we talk right now? And then try to do amends and then be told no, and be like, but- but- but- but-

Riese: Right, no.

Analyssa: Every single part of that is actually actively against what you’re supposed to be doing. The step is make amends to others unless to do so would hurt them or another person. So it’s like, if you’re implicating someone else, even that they don’t even know, the biggest example people use is cheating. Doing an amends, if you’re Finley and this whole thing hadn’t happened, but she had an amends to make to Dani because she had slept with Sophie behind Dani’s back and Dani didn’t know. You don’t do that. You figure out ways to, in your life be a better person to Dani and to Sophie and to people in relationships. Anyway, obviously that’s like a scenario far from this one. But the moral is the same, which is it’s actively going to upset Dani to have this conversation and not in a, this is a hard convo…

Riese: And this is the worst time and the worst place.

Drew: Yeah. There is something so powerful about not finding someone charming when they seem to have a grip on your friend group, that’s happened to me before where I’m just like, wow. Whatever it is about that person does not work on me and I am a god.

Analyssa: I do feel that every time they are thrown together and Dani gets to be kind of bitchy, it’s really fun dialogue. I love her being just, no, stop. That’s always very fun.

Riese: Sorry, Drew, what were you going to say?

Drew: Oh, I was just going to move to Kehlani. Because that’s the next…

Analyssa: Well the next thing though is that then…

Riese: Tess interrupts.

Analyssa: Tess intervenes.

Drew: Right. Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Analyssa: And, basically Finley storms out, Sophie follows her, Tess asks Dani if she’s okay, Dani’s like, I’m fine, whatever. And then Sophie and Finley go outside. And they sort of, again, have a little bit of silliness and Sophie really wanted tonight to be fun and perfect and Finley’s big night back. Again, I don’t know that this event is the correct tone for that. I would’ve maybe been like, let’s order in and just hang. But I get it. And they sort of shit on Dani. I don’t know, there’s an interesting, it’s sweet that Sophie is like, I’m here for you, Dani sucks. And I don’t love hearing Dani sucks from Sophie, but I do like her saying, whatever, those people don’t matter. It’s about what we are doing, you know? I thought that was lovely.

Riese: I worry though that she’s losing herself a little bit. Because she’s like, it’s not okay for Dani to be a dick to you, but also it kind of is.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Yeah. And also I was like, is that exactly what happened if you played the tapes back? I don’t know. So yeah, I’m a little bit on the… Every Sophie scene in this episode made my heart twinge just a little bit for her and for Finley because I’m very anxious for both of them and I just want them both to be happy. And I fear Sophie is, like you said, has this starry-eyed, Finley’s not drinking and everything’s going to be easy and amazing now. And I have bad news, which is that that’s not really how it goes. First of all, in any relationship. But secondly, with a newly sober person and getting used to the changes that that brings in somebody’s life. So I just want to hold both their faces in my hands a little bit.

Riese: Yeah, definitely. But they decide to bust this pop stand and go do something else.

Analyssa: Something naughty.

Riese: Which is nice. But it’s also in the same time setting up Sophie, like them having to be separate from everyone else.

Drew: Right. Very good point.

Analyssa: Okay, now you can move us on to Kehlani again.

Drew: Yes, because she apologizes to Shane being like, I didn’t know you own this bar. Also, clearly knows who Shane is because they go back into the back room and she has a…

Riese: Shane for Wax.

Drew: Shane for Wax hair product.

Analyssa: Iconic. I love the idea of spending way too much money on eBay for this product that you’re like, this actually changes my life. I need it.

Drew: I know that we’re setting up this thing of Shane’s… Kehlani is the big boss of Shane growing up and not cheating. I think it’s not cheating if it’s Kehlani. I know that they’re not Kehlani in this universe, but still. I don’t know the rules of all relationships, but I think that that’s one of them.

Riese: I do, I agree with you, yeah.

Drew: People can correct me if I’m wrong, but I do think that it’s not cheating. I think Tess would be like…

Analyssa: Look. Look at them.

Drew: Yeah. Right? I don’t know.

Riese: I don’t know.

Drew: That’s a principle of my morals.

Analyssa: I’m obsessed with this near inclusion in the sexy lesbian haircuts list. Ooh, we got so close. There’s a lot of hair touching and neck… Basically, Kehlani is like. Shane since you’re back here, maybe you could style me and Shane’s like, I haven’t cut hair in 35 years. I don’t know. And Kehlani is like, but you’re so…

Drew: But you’re a genius.

Riese: Yeah, you’re an artist with the clippers.

Drew: What is Kehlani’s character’s name?

Analyssa: I’m not sure.

Riese: Ivy.

Drew: Ivy?

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Ivy.

Riese: Ivy.

Drew: Ivy. Okay.

Riese: And Ivy is a single mother.

Drew: I’ll respect them as a thespian and call them Ivy.

Riese: Yeah, I’ll try. I think the character is she/her though.

Drew: God forbid.

Analyssa: We wouldn’t have time to get into that.

Riese: I like that they’ve still managed to make sure that no one has to know how to do hair to do these scenes. You know what I mean? All Shane does is touches her hair and looks in her eyes and just pulls out her hair. And then eventually is like, I guess she gets too turned on by this whole thing and it’s just overwhelming for her. It’s overwhelming for all of us. And she’s like, nevermind, you look great as you are. Get me out of here!

Drew: I really would love…

Riese: Carol’s alarmed, so is Shane.

Drew: If, for once, and maybe this will happen. Because I’ve only watched this first episode, that the Shane’s in a committed relationship very in love, but Shane’s Shane. If it could, I know we’ve done the whole throuple thing on Gen Q and it didn’t work out, I don’t know why.

Analyssa: R.I.P.

Riese: In my opinion, it worked out.

Drew: Yeah, of course.

Analyssa: I miss them.

Drew: I do think that having a thing of being, there are so many different ways that relationships can look and being, what if Shane found a relationship that suited who she is? And then she could have this little fling with Ivy and Tess could have another fling with someone else and that would be so nice. But I feel like it’s just going to be conflict. And…

Riese: Well, Shane and Quiara were in an open relationship, so I’m like, how did this happen again? I guess because that’s what Shane does. She’s just always like, yeah, sure, monogamy.

Analyssa: Shane wants to be that tweet that you sent me earlier that’s like, we’re madly in love, but we both publicly have hoes and also no one calls us polyamorous, but, kind of.

Drew: Yeah, but part of that is you talk to your partner about it. You’re like, we don’t need to identify as anything, but we know it’s okay that sometimes we meet Kehlani.

Analyssa: Sometimes you meet Kehlani and you must do something about that, other than touch Kehlani’s hair. I really got a laugh out of Shane being like,

Shane: I don’t really have to do anything.

Analyssa: Ivy has talked about how Shane has such a talent with hair and has a gift that must be shared with the world. And basically all Shane does is rearrange her part for a while and then go, no, I think it’s good.

Riese: Yeah. Shane’s big move in season one was giving somebody bangs and layers and highlights. Like a modified Rachel. And honestly they did a great job of it.

Analyssa: There was also a moment where Tess said she was going to take Bette back and I thought there was going to be a walk-in moment.

Drew: I also thought that. Then we go to the auction. We get our first Bettina grand gesture. I’m not saying Tibette. LA is plastered with ads that say Tibette is endgame. I’m like, people who don’t watch The L Word are like, did something happen with China and Tibet?

Riese: And why are they spelling it wrong?

Drew: Yeah, I’m like, why? I’m just going to say Bettina and I’m sorry.

Analyssa: Where are the Tibette is endgame ads?

Drew: You haven’t seen them?

Analyssa: No.

Drew: Oh.

Riese: They’re just following Drew around like a little phantom menace.

Drew: I feel like they’re all around…

Riese: I haven’t seen them.

Drew: What?

Riese: I’ve seen L Word billboards though with the photobooth.

Drew: I have a picture, I’m not crazy.

Riese: Look, Carol’s looking out the window now. She wants to see it.

Drew: I’m not crazy. I have a picture.

Riese: When I was first recapping The L Word when I was a small child, new to this world, radiant skin.

Analyssa: Sweet summer child.

Riese: Sweet summer child who had not, well I was already pretty weird. But anyway, the point is that I would talk about Tibette and my girlfriend who was actively involved in activism around Tibet, the country, was like, what are you talking about? And so I explained and she was like, that’s wrong. You shouldn’t call it that. And so I was like, okay, I’ll call it Bettina, I guess? And I was like, eventually, if I keep calling it Bettina, since people read my recaps, it will eventually catch on. But by that point, Tibette forever was already… There’s already all these websites, and all of these communities around it. So it was just like…

Analyssa: You were just one rock in a stream.

Riese: I’m just one rock in the rocky stream of the Rocky Mountains on a hill mountain, falling into the sea, and we’re all falling into the sea.

Analyssa: We’re all dying.

Riese: And we’re all going to die.

Analyssa: What’s a bumper?

Riese: Exactly. Life’s a bumper, move on.

Drew: I will accept that Bette and Tina are endgame, a thing that I don’t personally want, but I will not ever say Tibette. I mean, I’m saying it again and again, but you know what I mean.

Analyssa: That’s not your ship name.

Drew: Yes. Bette has put a certain work of art up for auction.

Riese: Her Kiki Smith, which in season three, when Bette was unemployed and Tina… The beginning, it was right before Tina started having cyber sex with DaddyofTwo.

Drew: Ah, the memories.

Analyssa: Man, I forgot about DaddyofTwo.

Riese: Bette lost funding from her NEA, whatever. And Tina was complaining about money, so she’s like, fine, I’ll sell my art, I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. I just cannot. Can you imagine just having things hanging out on your wall that you could sell if you got poor? The things hanging on my wall, I printed that out on my printer, and that frame was in the Ikea as is section. So she calls and talks about, wants to sell a Mapplethorpe, even though we never saw her have a Mapplethorpe. But she mentions the Kiki Smith and she’s like, no, I could never part with the Kiki Smith. And then she’s like, how much? She finds out it’s a bunch of money, but I guess she ended up not selling it. Instead, Tina had to take the job with at Shaolin with Helena, and now here we are. And now Bette, because now she’s shed all of her things is ready to part with her dear possession. Or is she?

Drew: This to me feels like when someone’s like, I’m moving on. I don’t need anything my ex gave me. I’m going to burn all these. And you’re like, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop. That’s like your entire wardrobe. You were talking very peacefully, but this doesn’t feel peaceful. This goes very chaotic. And also starting the bidding of $500, how much would this go for? I was like, what? At least if you’re going to sell it for a good cause, get the money that it’s worth.

Riese: Yeah. Go sell it for a good… and then give the money… what?

Analyssa: She’s so serene and centered now that she doesn’t even blink.

Riese: It doesn’t matter. She’s just like, I’m going to let some poor lesbian living in Silver Lake buy this painting.

Analyssa: And have something of…

Riese: Or this drawing of Linnea’s tattoo of a deer.

Drew: Well, Tina saves the day because Tina says $10,000.

Riese: Tina is rich now too.

Drew: Yes. Famously, her show has been on for nine seasons. And yes, they shoot in Toronto so it’s probably not the biggest show in the world. But it’s…

Riese: But I mean it is Murdoch Mysteries. And if you don’t know, that’s a pretty big hit.

Drew: I think they’re on season 20-something of that.

Analyssa: I was going to say, it’s a nine season show. She’s kind of making money.

Drew: She’s rolling in it, yeah.

Riese: Yeah, it’s definitely probably like Criminal Minds.

Analyssa: Also, the stuff that she’s talking about, she’s an EP on that show. She’s getting an EP fee for every episode. She’s like…

Riese: Yeah she can buy 10,000 deers.

Drew: Yeah, you’re an executive now. Wow, bisexual, executive. Ana’s really had a whole year.

Analyssa: So many things have changed. Also, I do love all the things you said about Tina and knowing about this art piece and whatever. And being, throughout the years, Tina has been annoyed that she knows that Bette’s life is the life that they live. She knows so much about Bette’s work and she knows so much about… But then as soon as this piece was up for auction, Tina being like, it’s worth way more than that. I was like, that’s actually really accurate. That is how you feel about some of your ex’s passions where you’re like, okay but actually…

Riese: Yeah, mm-hmm.

Analyssa: I know too much about that now.

Riese: Yes. Yeah.

Analyssa: Anyway, so Tina buys it. Tina’s like $10,000, and the auctioneer is like, let’s just not ask anybody else for anything. We’re done.

Riese: So Helena’s stuck there.

Analyssa: And Tina comes back to the table and Shane and Alice sliding out of the booth with little faces on really made me laugh.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: And Bette and Tina have a emotionally charged, very lesbian conversation about this piece of art and how meaningful it is.

Riese: Deer.

Analyssa: And Tina’s like, I didn’t want someone else to own a piece of us. I think about you when I think about this piece.

Riese: I think about Bambi. Yeah, I think of that.

Analyssa: I think it’s a nice drawing.

Riese: I think…

Drew: I will say that this episode convinced me that Bette and Tina should be together. And that the Bette that I wanted to be with Jodi, to be with Pippa, isn’t who Bette is. And that the same way that I would tell a friend who’s in a relationship where they’re dating someone’s potential and not who they really are, that they shouldn’t be in that relationship. I need to give up my dreams for this fictional character and all the people that she could date and realize that, actually her and Tina makes sense.

Analyssa: She loves Tina and Tina loves her.

Drew: And good for them.

Analyssa: Aren’t we all kind of going on that? By which I mean me and you, with this show right now. This episode, we’re both kind of like, yeah. You know what I’m going to accept.

Riese: I mean, at the very least, let’s not have any more Carries left stranded on the side of the road in tears.

Drew: Yeah, you’re right.

Analyssa: So true.

Drew: Right, if they’re going to be together, be together.

Riese: Just be together.

Drew: Stop hurting people.

Riese: Bette just needs to fix herself, I guess. I mean, in my opinion, Tina’s personality is still halfway missing, but I think that they…

Drew: Yeah, absolutely. I think that works for Bette.

Riese: I think Bette likes that because Bette has 1.5 personalities and Tina has 0.5. And so together, that’s a whole personality.

Analyssa: Which they actually kind of say at the bar, they’re having this conversation and Tina’s talking about work and is like, I manage a lot of big personalities. Wink, wink, wink. And so, you know.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Okay. Kehlani slash Ivy is leaving and says a very…

Riese: Sexy goodbye.

Analyssa: Charged eyeball goodbye to Shane. And that’s how you know something’s going to happen there.

Riese: That’s how you know something is going to happen. Yeah, she’s going to look at her hair and be like, you know what? Actually I think we should do a bob.

Analyssa: I think we got to chop it off.

Riese: Yeah. Got to chop it off.

Analyssa: Bangs maybe.

Riese: Undercut.

Analyssa: Yeah. Undercut would be good.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Is this when Tess finds out how much money they’ve made and she’s excited?

Drew: Maybe.

Analyssa: Or is that later?

Riese: It was earlier that she and Dani were like $7,000 that I was like…

Drew: I think they were excited because it was so early in the night.

Analyssa: Right. I mean, now they’ve made $10,000 off Tina alone wanting to get Bette back, so.

Drew: That’s really powerful. Really, that’s the ti-

Riese: She probably left the painting behind.

Drew: Yeah. If you want to get money, you need to invite a bunch of rich lesbians who are ready to make grand gestures, show off to their new crushes. Speaking of breakups.

Analyssa: Oh, right.

Riese: Oh, yeah their casual, little thing. It’s O-V-E-R. Halfway through I panicked I would not be able to spell that entire word.

Analyssa: I honestly thought that was impressive.

Riese: Yeah? Thank you.

Drew: And so, you know…

Riese: It’s over.

Drew: It’s over and Alice is wanting to find something real. And I love that for Alice. What a journey and the first step of that journey, that will be a few scenes from now, is a choice. But then, next Tess wants to buy another bar. Is that?

Analyssa: Yes, yeah.

Riese: This is, okay, I have this thing which is I don’t really like Tess.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Okay. I think that she stresses me out.

Riese: This is a stupid idea.

Drew: Yes.

Analyssa: Bad idea.

Riese: Also, there’s a White Castle right there. So, what? You’re just going to have two bars, two lesbian bars.

Analyssa: Next to a White Castle?

Riese: Next to a White Castle.

Analyssa: That’s not profitable.

Drew: I just, there’s no lesbian bars in LA and the idea of having a second one owned by the same person. I mean, it’d be one thing if it was like, look, LA is a very big city, so you have one on the east side, you have one in Santa Monica, that’s smart. But this one’s right next to it.

Analyssa: Like The Friend and The Little Friend.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: And also, again, I love this for her, but it still seems like such a weird choice for someone in recovery to want to open multiple bars. But I mean, that’s fine. I guess that’s her thing or whatever.

Analyssa: But her thing really that she’s says to Shane is like, I know we’re not going to do marriage and babies. This is another baby. Let’s have another baby.

Drew: I think they just need something that Shane can feel like, I’m being trapped. I think it’s really just like a plot point, which is why I didn’t think too hard about it. But yeah, Tess, for how charming Jamie Clayton is and how talented Jamie Clayton is. I find her Hellraiser more charming than… Tess is not my favorite character. Which, a character played by Jamie Clayton really could have been. Whether that person was cis or trans, separate from that issue, I don’t know. They don’t do that much with her.

Analyssa: Yeah.

Riese: I just feel like she always has these ideas that I don’t like. And now she wants to buy a second lesbian bar next to the first lesbian bar. And I get it. We were all at Semi-Tropic on that night, the last party before the pandemic.

Drew: It was very crowded.

Riese: And it was packed.

Analyssa: Packed. There could have been overflow into the second bar.

Riese: If there’d been a second bar there…

Drew: That was one night though.

Riese: But that was one night. And it’s just like, what? They’re already really blowing everything out of the water making this one thing operate. You know what I mean? But it just logically doesn’t make sense to buy something that’s right next to it. Maybe that could be it’s, I don’t know if it’s going to be like, this is Peach Pit and this is the Peach Pit After Dark, which is a Beverly Hills 90210 reference that everybody over the age of 35 might get.

Analyssa: I vaguely got that.

Riese: Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. I think if they turn it into an ice skating rink, an arcade.

Drew: Ooh.

Riese: Yeah, exactly. Or…

Analyssa: A bowling alley.

Riese: A bowling alley. A bowling alley. Or I think maybe a dance space for performance art, for lesbian performance art.

Drew: Or it could be more of a club.

Riese: Or, yeah more of a club.

Drew: So maybe it will be, but yeah, they definitely need to do something a little bit different with it.

Analyssa: Right.

Riese: Right. Or they could blow it up.

Analyssa: Perfect.

Riese: That’s what Shane did to her last business.

Drew: That’s a really good point.

Analyssa: Okay. Finley and Sophie have run off to go have fun and they’re playing strip basketball because there’s nothing this show loves more than a Love & Basketball reference, I feel. And I’ve seen… That’s another big thing that’s happened in the year since we recorded this, is now I’ve seen Love & Basketball.

Riese: And so have I!

Drew: Oh my God!

Analyssa: Oh my god! Okay that actually is huge.

Riese: Yeah, I watched it a month ago.

Drew: Wow, it’s just one of the best movies to ever be a movie.

Analyssa: I watched it a month ago too. Because last year I was doing my director project, but this year I’m doing rom-coms. Love & Basketball was on my list.

Riese: Oh, this year Gretchen was like, you really need to have seen Love & Basketball. And I was like, you’re right.

Analyssa: And she was right.

Drew: It’s incredible.

Riese: Yeah, she was right. It was amazing.

Analyssa: It’s so good.

Riese: Another thing that’s changed over this year is that Finley is wearing a different style of underwear than they previously wore.

Analyssa: That’s true. I did notice that.

Riese: Yeah. Anyway, she’s losing.

Analyssa: She’s losing. So she has no bra on, just underwear on. And they’re in public, which did make me nervous. But I’m happy for them that they’re having fun.

Riese: But they start hooking up. And everyone’s like, yes!

Analyssa: They’re running around having fun. And I do want to say, Sophie says, you’re still fun. And I know that it was meant to be sweet, but as a person who stopped drinking and was really anxious that everyone was secretly thinking, Ana’s not going to be fun anymore. I just twinge just a little bit I said, Ooh, ow, that hurt. But maybe Finley was like, amazing! Thank you for the reassurance. Because some people have more normal brains than I do. And then they start hooking up and Sophie’s like, I just want to go home and get in bed with you. And Finley’s like, I think I should catch a meeting. And this is another thing that I don’t really want to see the most, meetings as a source of conflict.

Drew: Mm-hmm.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Meetings are exactly one hour long. It’s like Catholic mass. There is a start, there is a process, there is an end. You get out, so really…

Riese: Also she could go to a later meeting. It felt like to me like that wasn’t really what was happening.

Drew: No, it felt like an excuse.

Analyssa: Well, and it is later, you find out. But if this becomes a little thing.

Drew: Right.

Riese: Right.

Drew: Jordi is visiting Angie.

Riese: And I don’t like her anymore either.

Drew: Wow.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: I am on Jordi’s side with this one. No one should stay together from high school…

Analyssa: Fair enough. But…

Drew: I don’t think she handled it well. I don’t know why we’ve had this year long gap, what’s been happening in there, whatever, whatever. But…

Riese: And also, if this is their first night alone, they should have at least had sex first.

Analyssa: They should’ve hooked up. But also,

Drew: No, she just shouldn’t have come over. This shouldn’t have happened her first night of college. Like that part of it’s, no.

Analyssa: I mean, what Angie said is true. Why didn’t we talk about this yesterday? Why didn’t we talk about this over the summer? Why are we… Also, is Jordi at California University? Is that the implication? Because then it’s like, are we going to see each other?

Drew: No, I don’t think so.

Analyssa: She just came to visit.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Is she, I don’t know why I thought she was a grade below.

Analyssa: Oh, I have no idea.

Riese: I just decided she was a grade below.

Analyssa: I do relate to, I’ve decided we have to break up so I’m emotionally shut down and just sort of saying words. That is relatable to me.

Drew: Yeah, that’s how I am. Yeah.

Analyssa: So… They have a really weird breakup fight because Jordi is doing the full shutdown and Angie’s going a little bit that angry kind of direction, which is just an odd conversational style to watch two people have. But they break up.

Drew: I’m excited. I’m excited to see Angie take on the college queer life.

Analyssa: She’s cool. She’s queer. She’s at college.

Riese: Sisterhood is powerful.

Analyssa: Sisterhood is powerful…

Drew: Sisterhood is so powerful.

Analyssa: …for us as lesbians.

Riese: For us as lesbians, I love this for her as a bisexual or queer, or whatever she is.

Analyssa: Right.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: We love it.

Drew: And one very sad rejection to one less sad rejection. Micah proposes and Maribel’s like, I don’t want to get married, but I do want a baby. Which again, this is why you should talk to your partners about life plans, about marriage, about kids, about all these things.

Riese: But imagine if this had happened on a jumbotron.

Drew: Wow. That would be quite the twist. I don’t think… No offense to sports fans in general, but I don’t think the average fan at a sporting event would understand the nuances of, I don’t really believe in marriage as a practice, but I love you and I want to be with you.

Analyssa: Let’s have a baby to bind ourselves together forever, but not actually be married and sign the paperwork. Totally. Totally.

Riese: Yeah. Although if they are going to have baby together, they should get married and sign the paperwork.

Drew: It would be a lot easier.

Analyssa: It’s actually just easier if you have a child…

Riese: Yeah. That’s eventually what they’re going to have to do anyway, so, but that’s fine.

Analyssa: Like, schools and stuff.

Riese: Who cares? It’s TV. It’s television. It’s just a TV show.

Analyssa: And then we get kind of the classic end montage, check-in with everybody. So Finley’s at a meeting and doing her share.

Riese: Finley’s doing her share.

Analyssa: Finley’s doing her share. And that kind of under-weaves, that’s not a word. I just made it up.

Drew: That made sense to me.

Analyssa: Kind of weaves through all the other characters’ check-ins.

Drew: Yeah, and Alice is on Taimi. A little product placement for the LGBTQ dating app, Taimi. This podcast is not brought to you by Taimi. So I can say that it’s not very good. We did a review of it on Autostraddle and it wasn’t one of the better ones.

Riese: Oh, so it’s been around for that long?

Analyssa: Was that one of the…

Drew: It’s been around.

Riese: Because I feel that was like for the dating down… What was that called?

Drew: Yeah, Dating Download? It’s been around for a couple years.

Riese: I really loved those.

Drew: Yeah. We just ran out of dating apps.

Analyssa: I did too. I thought they were fun.

Drew: And two of us got into relationships.

Analyssa: Okay. Brag.

Drew: You are also in a relationship.

Riese: We’re all in relationships.

Analyssa: Wow.

Riese: Except Carol.

Drew: Oh, sorry Carol.

Riese: But Carol’s really independent.

Analyssa: I feel like Carol loves being single. Yeah.

Riese: Yeah. If someone was like, Carol, do you want to get married? She’d be like, no, I want to have a baby. You know what I mean?

Analyssa: So Alice is on the dating app and changes her age preferences to…

Riese: She changes it from 25 to 41. Which is how old I am.

Analyssa: And I just want to say, when I was on dating apps, even I did not go down to 25. That’s just simply not for me. So I support her move.

Drew: Depends on how old I was, but I generally was a year or two younger than me.

Analyssa: I never went more than a year younger than me ever. I don’t have time for that, unfortunately.

Riese: I projected my own experience onto Alice’s and recalled that there was a time when I did have it set younger, even though I was older. And it was because this was right before all of our friends got divorced at the same time. But I was like, everyone my own age is taken. And I was like, so I don’t know what else to do.

Analyssa: Well…

Riese: Because when I put it into my age range. There’s no one here.

Analyssa: I was going to say, there’s actually nothing more disheartening than opening a dating app and it saying we’ve run out of people in your area that meet your requirements.

Riese: Yeah, and I’m like, I’m in LA.

Analyssa: What do you mean? Yeah.

Riese: Yeah, really? No one?

Analyssa: I’ve moved a city that I’m supposed to… What? It’s horribly demoralizing. So I actually do understand that impulse. But dating a 25 year old even sends a little shiver down my own spine. And I, maybe that’s just me being a jerk.

Riese: Unless you’re just looking to bone.

Analyssa: Yeah.

Drew: Yeah, that’s fine.

Riese: Although, I mean, I can’t imagine. I mean, how old is Alice supposed to be? Like 50?

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: That’s a choice.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: That’s just a big gap.

Drew: That’s a real gap.

Riese: That’s a big gap.

Analyssa: So Alice is being honest about her age preferences. Also, the little song underneath says something about we’re afraid of aging or something, which really made me laugh.

Riese: Oh really? Oh yeah, we have the on the nose songs again this time. It’s like (singing) Finley’s at a meeting. Sophie’s going to bed.

Drew: (singing) Fucking fucking fucking.

Riese: (singing) Shane Shane Shane Shane.

Analyssa: (Singing) Carmen Carmen Carmen. I mean, what would we be without the needle drops? You know?

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Shane is back at home looking at her old hair products and she’s…

Riese: Giving them a sniff.

Analyssa: Not wearing a bra. So really we’re back.

Drew: She was feeling very Shane today.

Riese: Yes.

Analyssa: Very Shane today.

Riese: Absolutely, yeah. Yeah. And then Tess sidles up and she doesn’t say, what are those?

Analyssa: Nope.

Riese: She just goes in for the makeout.

Drew: Mm-hmm

Analyssa: Tess really wants to kiss this episode.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Yeah, Tess really wants to kiss.

Drew: I love that.

Riese: Yeah. I think that’s great.

Analyssa: Sometimes you want to kiss.

Riese: Yeah, it’s great. It’s showing, even after being together for a year and living with your mom, you can still want to hook up.

Drew: I think that’s beautiful.

Riese: That is beautiful. I love love.

Drew: Sophie gets a text from someone named Dre that says, “u up rainbow.”

Analyssa: The rainbow emoji.

Riese: The rainbow.

Analyssa: So you know that it’s queer sex that we’re looking for.

Riese: I just, first of all, I love that she’s getting a u up text. But secondly, what is that? Does she know…

Analyssa: That’s what I mean is what is the rainbow?

Drew: No, I think the rainbow means like, you up? You want to go find a pot of gold?

Riese: Oh yeah. Yeah, or it’s raining. Maybe there’ll be a rainbow afterwards.

Analyssa: You up? I have some lucky charms at home.

Drew: Ooh, that would be a great u up text.

Riese: You up? I have a Lisa Frank binder or I got a Hello Kitty watch or something like that.

Analyssa: Gorgeous.

Riese: You know what I mean?

Analyssa: We did miss that Dani goes home to Gigi.

Drew: Oh yes.

Analyssa: And there’s like a cliffhanger of if Nat has said yes or no.

Riese: Yeah, but it’s one of those weird cliff hangers where you can see the actor knows there’s no more lines for them in the scene and they just have to sort of sit there.

Analyssa: That’s like when you go to a play and you know that the dialogue has been written overlapping, but they’re just like, stopping at that middle…

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Whatever. But yeah, and Dani says also that the event was a success and Bette has offered her a gallery job and Alice has offered her 100th episode. So she must be doing some event type coordinating.

Riese: Yeah. And I’ve offered her starting a camp for queer adults.

Analyssa: Gorgeous.

Drew: Ooh, I love that.

Analyssa: Yeah. If she’s good at event planning…

Riese: So we’re nailing down the contract now.

Drew: I love that she’s moved on from maybe being a Sackler to being the party planner of queer Los Angeles.

Riese: Yeah, I love that, first of all, I hope we never ever have to talk about any of that stuff ever again.

Analyssa: I agree.

Riese: My favorite thing about The L Word is when they just drop a plot or a character like a hot potato or like an incarcerated potato.

Drew: I do recommend the documentary, All the Beauty and the Bloodshed about Nan Goldin and her fight against the Sacklers. That is my recommendation. Famous queer photographer, Nan Goldin, activist, incredible person, really made it so the Sacklers cannot have a name in the art world. Highly recommend the documentary and that hopefully is the last time that there’s any reason to talk about the Sacklers on this podcast.

Riese: Okay, because she did say earlier in the episode, she was like, it’s been the hardest year of my life. And I’m like, yeah, I don’t care.

Analyssa: Right. Again, I’m just going to accept that as truth. I actually don’t.

Drew: I fully believe it.

Analyssa: Great.

Riese: Yeah. I mean Gigi’s hair is different now. Did you notice that?

Analyssa: They both look so beautiful.

Drew: Yeah. Was there anything else in that montage?

Analyssa: I think that’s it. And then the big thing that everyone has been waiting and praying and hoping and sitting and wishing for…

Riese: Wishing and hoping and, you know the song.

Analyssa: That one.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: So Tina and Bette left the function earlier, which we did forget to say. Because Tina’s like, do you want to…

Riese: They took that deer and ran.

Drew: Right.

Analyssa: Yeah. One of them is like, do you want to get out of here? And the other one wants to say yes so fast that we didn’t even finish the sentence. So now they’re back at Bette’s home and they’re just talking about the things that have happened in the last year. Bette has reconnected with her mom.

Riese: Right, who we all thought was dead. So that’s big news for us.

Analyssa: Right, she just left.

Riese: It’s zombie news. Yeah.

Analyssa: It turns out.

Riese: She just left. Yeah. That was redone and that’s neat.

Analyssa: And then, that she went to the silent retreat that she failed before.

Drew: This made me laugh. What a silly choice for Bette the character, for The L Word writers. What a silly, silly choice.

Riese: Also, because the last time she was at the silent retreat, Tim- Tina was at home. Tim. Wow, Freudian slip. Tina was at home banging Henry.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Right, yup.

Riese: And Dana was dying.

Drew: Wow.

Riese: What a sad time for all of us. And Carmen and Shane were unhappy with each other and not having a nice time.

Drew: Fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting.

Riese: Fighting, fighting, fighting. Yeah. Yeah. Breaking up, breaking up, getting married, getting married.

Analyssa: So Bette committed to the silent retreat and this time found that it worked its magic.

Riese: Yeah. She was silent.

Analyssa: She did it.

Drew: They say that this was one of the best days of their life.

Analyssa: I also was like, how can that be true? How can that be true?

Riese: Right? They once go on a trip and get food poisoning.

Analyssa: It was just a regular day.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: I guess, if this is the start of their rekindled romance and they’re together for decades, then I could see them looking back and being like, that was one of the best days of my…

Analyssa: You’re doing a great old woman voice.

Drew: Thank you so much. I don’t know why they’re becoming on Downton Abbey, but that… I’ve never watched Downton Abbey, so if that was wrong, I’m sorry.

Analyssa: Okay, appropriation.

Drew: But yeah, it was very baffling to me.

Analyssa: I agree. I had the same thought where I was like…

Drew: But, lesbians are so dramatic.

Analyssa: I think that they’re just, we did talk about this really recently actually. But I do think that they’re just being really gay for each other and being like, this is going to be one of the most important days of my life because we’ve rekindled whatever it is here. So this is the best day of my life. It brought me you, you know?

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: But this is the fourth time they’ve rekindled. What about the first time, they had stir fry and then they had sex. There was another time Tina was pregnant, they banged her in the kitchen.

Drew: Also, stir fry is delicious.

Riese: Stir fry is delicious. What are they eating here? Literally nothing, no one’s eaten anything this entire fucking episode.

Analyssa: That’s true.

Riese: Everyone’s starving. Everyone’s hungry.

Analyssa: That’s true.

Drew: I’m hungry too. I just smelled pizza outside.

Riese: I’m also, yeah, we’re all hungry. I feel like we’ve seen Bette and Tina have some pretty nice times, haven’t we?

Drew: Yeah, if you were Bette or Tina, what would you think would be the best day of your life?

Analyssa: I don’t have a memory for The L Word the way that you two do, but there has to be something like a gallery opening or I don’t know, Tina’s show is in its ninth season. There’s not any job stuff for…

Drew: I was going to say they have a child.

Riese: Their wedding? They got married at some point.

Analyssa: The day that Angie was born?

Riese: Oh yeah, that was nice. That was a nice day. Except that Jenny had a hard time that day.

Analyssa: Right.

Riese: And so that was hard for me, personally.

Analyssa: Seeing Angie go off to college. I guess, ostensibly that was today.

Drew: That’s this day, so that makes sense.

Riese: That was today. But what about their wedding day?

Analyssa: Right.

Drew: I mean, they say one of. So maybe also, what did I say? I said something was one of the best movies of all time. And my friend was like, you always say that. And I was like, yeah, it’s in my top 600. I have a list on Letterboxd that’s like 650 movies and one of them is…

Riese: Muppets Take Manhattan.

Drew: No, there’s no Muppets movies on there. I’m sorry.

Analyssa: Oh well that seems like a miss.

Drew: Yeah, well, I’m not perfect.

Analyssa: If it’s 650 movies long.

Drew: There’s a lot of movies in the world. That’s everything I’ve given four and a half or five stars to on Letterboxd.

Analyssa: I guess so. Okay, so…

Drew: They kiss.

Analyssa: They kiss. Well first, I do want to say, they touch fingers.

Drew: Yes, of course.

Riese: Yeah, there’s a little fingering.

Analyssa: There’s a real hands walking over to the couch. And as someone who in the last year has reconciled with an ex, I do want to say, I do think that’s actually a critical part of the process.

Drew: The fingers touching?

Riese: The fingers?

Analyssa: The hands next to each other and you kind of ease them closer. That’s a big part of it.

Drew: Yeah. I love that.

Analyssa: Just for me personally, I felt represented by that.

Riese: Yeah. I felt like, wow, they must really be like, this feels familiar. And that’s probably really nice.

Analyssa: Yeah. So they kiss, they start kissing. Tina’s like, I must leave the finger touching becomes too much. She says she has to leave and then instead they kiss. And then…

Riese: With tongue, I think.

Analyssa: I think with tongue, yeah.

Drew: I think there was definitely a French kiss.

Analyssa: A hint of a tongue.

Riese: Yes, it was definitely from Paris.

Drew: From the region of…

Riese: From the land of the foyer.

Analyssa: I knew we were going to try to make an it’s only champagne if it’s from Champagne. And then Angie comes in.

Drew: Mm-hmm.

Analyssa: Clearly looking for…

Riese: Jordi help.

Analyssa: Yeah, help on her relationship status. And instead sees her two moms kissing.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: I don’t think there’s anything that could be more damaging to getting over your first queer heartbreak than being like, oh, queer people get back together after long periods of time? Separate from the shock of seeing your mothers making out. That part of it would be so in my head I’d be like, well my parents got back together so Jordi and I are going to be endgame.

Analyssa: We could do it. There will someday be signs in Los Angeles.

Drew: Jorngie?

Riese: Jorgelina. Jorgelica.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Don’t you think it’s just Angi, with just an I?

Drew: Oh, probably. That’s confusing.

Analyssa: Maybe it’s Andi.

Drew: Andi. Andi’s obviously the best thing. Thank you for that.

Riese: Yeah. What were we talking about?

Drew: I think we’re done and that’s it. She says what the fuck.

Analyssa: Angie comes in and says what the fuck.

Riese: She says, you got to be fucking kidding.

Analyssa: Oh, that’s right.

Drew: Oh, thank you. Sorry. Wow.

Analyssa: Geez. Amateur hour.

Riese: Please guys, wow.

Analyssa: It’s amateur hour here.

Riese: It’s like you haven’t already seen it three times.

Analyssa: I’ve seen it once.

Drew: I’ve seen it once too.

Riese: I’ve seen it three times.

Drew: I believe that.

Riese: Thank you. Believe women.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Or whatever I am.

Drew: Support… Wait, what did her shirt say?

Riese: Sisterhood is powerful.

Analyssa: Sisterhood is powerful.

Drew: Sisterhood is powerful, yes, it’s clear it is.

Riese: And if we could leave you with any message today, it’s sisterhood is powerful. But also that’s the episode.

Drew: Mm-hmm.

Analyssa: That’s it. Do you think sisterhood is powerful is this season’s for us as lesbians?

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: It might be.

Riese: It might be. But we should keep for us as lesbians too.

Analyssa: I do love that one. That’s so good.

Drew: Well, what did we think of this episode?

Analyssa: I had fun.

Drew: I had fun too.

Analyssa: I enjoyed it. I know that we nitpick, but the point is to talk about the show. I had a great time, actually.

Riese: The point of the podcast is to talk about the show.

Analyssa: I don’t know if you guys know.

Riese: I don’t know if you know.

Drew: Yeah, I think sometimes people get upset and it’s like, well, right. If you want us to just give plot points, you could watch the show. It’s on Showtime. But, we’re going to give a little analysis.

Analyssa: Our ads say it’s on Showtime, the show.

Drew: It’s on Showtime.

Riese: But I also do think that part of really digging into a TV show, whether you’re doing a podcast or recap, you have to come up with things to say. You know what I mean? So, you really end up, I watched all of L Word season one, season two. Loved every minute of it, even the bad parts. Thought it was great. And then because I didn’t start recapping until season three. And then once I started doing the podcast and we were doing season one, season two, suddenly I had all these critiques. Because I wasn’t just sitting there watching it, I was trying to fill up an hour of podcast.

Analyssa: Right.

Drew: I think maybe gay soap operas aren’t meant to be deeply analyzed and watched a million times. But, people enjoy listening to that. So what I’m saying is that we’re kind of heroes?

Analyssa: Yeah. Actually…

Drew: We’re sacrificing our own enjoyment…

Analyssa: We’re geniuses.

Drew: In order to give you more enjoyment. And I just want you to pause right now on your commute or wherever you’re listening to this and just think about how special we are.

Riese: And how funny I am. Me.

Drew: Yes, specifically.

Analyssa: Yeah. More than anything else.

Riese: Yeah, well, but how funny all of us are. I think that’s important.

Drew: That was big of you.

Riese: So you just think about that.

Drew:Yeah. There’s things that I’m like, a lot of my old frustrations are still there, but I had a whole period of time where I thought the show was canceled. I got to really sort of reflect and think.

Analyssa: Wow, you had a Bette Porter year.

Drew: I really had a Bette Porter year.

Analyssa: It sounds like you’ve done some personal growth.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Yeah. I’m Bette getting rearended by The L Word: Generation Q and going, nah, fuck it. The world’s ending, we’re all going to die.

Analyssa: We’re all dying. What’s a bumper? That’s how I feel.

Riese: Exactly.

Analyssa: I’m excited…

Riese: That’s what I wish the guy who I had run into his bumper had said to me instead of ruining my life.

Analyssa: Sure, yeah that probably would have been good.

Riese: Because, honestly, there was barely even a dent. You know what I mean?

Analyssa: Yeah. That probably would have been good for you. I’m excited. I’m excited to see, I know that I will be annoyed every week, but I am actually excited to see a recovery storyline. I think they’re really going to have Finley go to meetings and do the things and maybe they won’t and that will also probably be fine. But I don’t know, that could be fun. Not fun but meaningful.

Drew: Mm-hmm.

Riese: I just hope she doesn’t relapse because I think, I don’t even know if I hated relapse storylines until you talked about it on one of our podcast episodes. Whatever it was you said, you convinced me and now I don’t want to see them anymore.

Analyssa: Yeah. I don’t love them, but I am excited. I don’t know, I would love to see Alice have fun.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: I love Alice.

Drew: I’m excited for Alice’s looking for the one. I’m also excited for Angie at college, especially in breakup mode. Oh, what a great time to be chaotic in breakup mode.

Analyssa: Honestly, she seems sad, but she doesn’t know that the first few months of college, there’re so many things to do. If that’s what you want to be doing, great. Go off.

Riese: I was mostly crying.

Analyssa: I was mostly watching, I watched nine seasons of Grey’s Anatomy my freshman fall, so I wasn’t doing that.

Drew: I went to nightclubs that cost $20. It’s the only time, I mean I was going to school in New York, so I was trying to be that person for a brief period of time.

Analyssa: That’s bananas.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: I’m wondering if, is it going to be like Bette and Tina are now together and the finale of this season, is them getting married? Or is it going to be…

Riese: Remarried.

Drew: Yes. Or is it going to be like a slow burn? There’s some reason why they can’t, are we going to go back and forth? I’m interested to see about what that approach is. And then, I’m very excited that Kehlani’s there. I hope it’s more interesting though than just a Shane cheats or resists cheating storyline. But honestly, if Kehlani’s there, I’m watching, I’m happy, I’m into it.

Riese: I’m excited for Joey Lauren Adams.

Analyssa: I was going to say we have some exciting guest stars too.

Drew: Oh, also, when is Rosie coming back?

Analyssa: And what’s Fletcher going to do?

Riese: I think it’s episode three that Rosie comes back.

Drew: I mean she’s busy like running her speakeasy lesbian bar in the forties.

Riese: In A League of Their Own. Yeah, maybe they should have, have the second bar be forties themed.

Drew: Ooh.

Riese: My dream for the season is that they never open the second bar and that whole storyline just dies.

Analyssa: What if it’s that Tess does buy the second bar, then Tess and Shane break up. And then we have, what was the rivalry in the original?

Drew: Ooh!

Riese: Oh, SheBar?

Analyssa: Yeah, SheBar and the… Weren’t there…

Riese: SheBar and The Planet.

Analyssa: Feuding bars and they’re right next door to each other.

Riese: So they should call it Jenny’s.

Analyssa: That could be kind of fun.

Drew: Oh, that would be fun. I’d be into that.

Riese: Yeah. They should call it Jenny’s and put a pool in it.

Drew: Ooh, that’s…

Riese: You know that bar in New Orleans where they have a pool.

Analyssa: No.

Riese: Well…

Drew: Did someone die in the pool? Because…

Riese: No, but now in my mind I’m thinking about American Horror Story.

Drew: Sure.

Riese: In the bathhouse as people murder, spoiler alert.

Analyssa: Spoilers for American Horror Story.

Riese: Yeah, no, I’m pretty stoked for this season. I will acknowledge that I have seen some future episodes and that episodes three and four are really fun.

Drew: Cool.

Analyssa: Fun.

Drew: I love that.

Riese: Yeah. Especially episode four.

Analyssa: We’ll look forward to that.

Riese: And there are some fun people coming back.

Drew: Nice. I love that. How exciting. And more than anything, I’m just happy to be back here with both of you.

Riese: Yeah, absolutely.

Analyssa: The real L Word was the friends we made along the way.

Riese: It was.

Analyssa: 3, 2, 1, quivering.

Drew: Quite.

Riese: Quince meat.

Drew: What’d you say?

Riese: I said quince meat, which is the favorite sandwich of students at California University.

Drew: Wow.

Analyssa: Right. Obviously.

Riese: Yeah, you’re welcome.

Analyssa: I said quivering, like with anticipation.

Drew: I said quite because I’m quite happy to be here talking about this show.

Riese: Wow.

Analyssa: Gorgeous.

Riese: Oh my god, wow.

Analyssa: Look at what we did.

Riese: Wow. We’re so full of optimism.

Analyssa: It happens every year.

Riese: It does.

Analyssa: So excited.

Riese: Yeah. Yeah, me too. It does feel like they’re putting a lot into it this year though. More so than in previous years. Like with guest stars and advertising and all that stuff.

Drew: Yeah. They’re trying.

Analyssa: Yeah.

Riese: But most of all, I’d like to thank our sponsor Showtime. Yeah, you guys should…

Analyssa: Watch The L Word.

Riese: Take care of yourselves and we’ll be back with you next week to discuss the next episode of this program.

Analyssa: You have a good ASMR podcast voice.

Riese: I do?

Analyssa: I think so.

Riese: I sound like a Jew with a cold. And we’re out.

Drew: And we’re out.