BREAKING: Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne Confirm Relationship, Are Probs Scissoring As We Speak

In a wildly erotic follow-up to the recent news that the recently-out actress Michelle Rodriguez and her super close buddy, model Cara Delevingne, got trashed and made out at a basketball game, M-Rod herself has confirmed that she and Cara are indeed a Thing, telling reporters, ”It’s going really well. She’s so cool. When we started hanging out I just thought she was awesome, and we have the best time together.” For example, the couple recently was spotted in Paris drinking tiny bottles of Jack Daniels and sticking out their tongues.

Professor Rodriguez's Lesbian Oral Sex 101 students demonstrate what they've learned as "prof" relaxes with the mini-bar

Professor Rodriguez’s Lesbian Oral Sex 101 students demonstrate what they’ve learned as “prof” relaxes with the mini-bar

Furthermore, according to a January 21st report from reputable news outlet The Daily Mail, “the pair were pictured enjoying a cute date getting up close and personal with baby tigers at the Big Cat Encounters Ranch in Pahrump, Nevada.”

Wait stand still I need to take a picture for that Lesbians Who Like To Share Photos Of Our Cats Meet-Ups we're going to next week

Wait stand still I need to take a picture for that “Lesbians Who Like To Share Photos Of Our Big Cats” Meet-Up we’re going to next week

If you are concerned about whether or not Cara Delevingne could kick your ass, stay concerned. Rodriguez confessed to the press that her lady love is “hard,” further noting, “You wouldn’t want to mess with her in a fight.”

SINCE YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO BEAT MY ASS WHY DON'T YOU TRY KISSING MY ASS

HEY LEZZIE BITCHES COME HERE AND I’LL LICK YOUR CLIT WHILE YOU SLAP MY ASS

Last night, the stunning duo attended a Prince concert in London. Metro UK reports that “the dark haired beauties looked a little worse for wear when they were spotted staggering out of Ronnie Scott’s late on Monday night.” Although it’s unclear who the second “dark-haired beauty” is, we can safely speculate that Cara and Michelle’s “worse for wear” is pretty easy on the eyeballs.

Seriously I can actually feel the blood leaking from my tampon we need to get out of here and get home stat

Seriously I can actually feel the blood leaking from my tampon we need to get out of here and get home stat

Much attention has been paid to the fact that Michelle and Cara, in a radical departure from the typical mating behavior of Obsessive Lesbians Freshly In Love, attended two separate events prior to the Prince concert, meaning they spent at least 2-3 hours apart for a solid portion of the evening. “Cara’s at her own fashion week party tonight, so doing her own thing,” Rodriguez revealed while refreshing Cara’s vine feed on her iPhone.

You bet your ass this dress came with a matching flogger

You bet your ass this dress came with a matching flogger

After the BAFTA Awards (pictured above) on February 16th, Michelle attended a Mulberry Dinner to Celebrate The Launch of The Cara Delevingne.  I assume this event was similar to when the muppets launched The Gonzo out of a cannon.

Bitch next time you put gum on my chair when I'm wearing white, I'm gonna smash that smile right off your lesbosexy face and your little girlfriend, too

Bitch next time you put gum on my chair when I’m wearing white, I’m gonna smash that smile right off your lesbosexy face and your little girlfriend, too

More in line with lesbian tradition, a mysterious source alleges that “they’re really happy and loved-up and spending as much time together as possible. They’re also forever texting and messaging one another.” A mysterious source informed me personally that by “texting,” the other mysterious source probably meant “sexting.”

Cara and Michelle get in touch with nature at a paintballing excursion three weeks ago

Cara and Michelle get in touch with nature at a paintballing excursion three weeks ago

Mysterious Source #1 added, “Michelle has been invited to [Cara's sister] Poppy’s hen do in Los Angeles which is a big deal, and shows just how cool and accepting all Cara’s friends and family are. No one has batted an eyelid.” It seems likely that Cara’s family perhaps breathed a sigh of relief that their sinewy sibling is no longer licking Miley Cyrus’s tongue with her tongue.

This is how lesbians have sex

This is how lesbians have sex

At some point this year, Michelle and Cara became Jedi Warriors and were spotted fleeing the planet via airplane while carrying laser swords.

Damn we really hit the jackpot at Babeland today with these dildos

Damn we really hit the jackpot at Babeland today

We can undoubtedly look forward to a happy, healthy and functional relationship between these two very physically attractive human beings.

That's right I didn't wash my hands after we fingerfucked in the bathroom HEY-O!

That’s right I didn’t wash my hands after we fingerfucked in the bathroom HEY-O!

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Riese is the CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City, and now lives in The Bay Area. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are!

Riese has written 1678 articles for us.

49 Comments

  1. Thumb up 32

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    I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS TO SHOW UP ON HERE OMG!

    BLESS THIS BEAUTIFUL COUPLE WITH THE BLESSINGS OF ALL THE UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS!

    and some kittens too!

    My friend who is bi is really trying to not be smug about it when people dismiss that bi women don’t date other women publicly.

    LET THAT BI FLAG FLY!

    *throws purple glitter*

    • Thumb up 8

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      Ugh in my excitement I did not make any sense I meant that people dismiss bi women because they don’t date women publicly. My bi friend is trying not to be too smug about it but I see her grinning like a smug BAMF!

      Love it.

        • Thumb up 5

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          I know :( I think autostraddle probably just has to use the word ‘lesbian’in celebrity news stories a lot for SEO reasons to get more pageviews more ad revenue and such.

          But CUTE BISEXUAL WOMEN BEING CUTE TOGETHER YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!

          *ALSO THROWS PURPLE GLITTER*

  2. Thumb up 10

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    I’m indifferent towards either one of them and glad they’re acknowledging the relationship but if I’m going to put my judgy hat on, which I will, aren’t they both kind of hot messes? Like Michelle has had several DUIs and avoided rehab and Cara seems to love a party and drugs… Which, fine, you do you, but together that seems like a hot mess waiting to happen.

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      Yeah, this. As a bi woman, I really don’t like the stereotype that we’re “damaged.” It reads like the bored, slutty model is feeling edgy and that’s exactly the thing I feel like I’ve been fighting my whole life. That I exist.

      I feel like a grinch when everyone is so happy for them. I guess I’m just very sensitive and would like decent examples of bi relationships that don’t make me feel like we, as a group, are being exploited. Good representation would make me happier than you can imagine.

      Sorry if this comes off as offensive or incoherently written. I’m exhausted and stressed

      • Thumb up 9

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        Keep in mind: it’s one thing to say that about shitty lazy fictional portrayals on the teevee, but it’s quite another to say that about the lives of actual human beings.

        There’s no way to do bisexual (or any flavor of queer, really) wrong.

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          I have to respectfully disagree on that point. Tila tequila? The Jersey Shore cast (to Italians)? When one person from a particular underrepresented group acts like a fool, I feel like it just reflects badly on everyone.

          I agree with your sentiment though. I know it’s not right to make their relationship personal to me when I don’t even know them. Maybe it’s a wonderful relationship, even if it comes off as kind of a gross grab at being oh-so-subversive to those of us on the outside. Maybe it’s my own hang ups and the fact that people have no qualms about telling me to my face what they think of bisexuals “ewww, I would never date one. How do you know they’re not going to cheat with a man?”

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          @Soph – I don’t think that’s on the people themselves as much as it is on the media who falls over themselves to privilege their stories over those of other bisexuals who live life differently.

          Also: Who’s to say that their choices are bad? That’s just our own judgements. I used to get all up on “slutty bisexuals” until someone pointed out to me that, hey, there’s nothing wrong with polyamory if that’s what you’re into. That really changed my perspective.

  3. Thumb up 20

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    Oh rad, that’s your girl now, Michelle Rodriguez? Happy for you two. Congratulations. I’m sure this is the start of a solid relationship, but may I remind you that I, too, have badass eyebrows and I know exactly when and where to stick out my tongue. Just sayin. Like, just in case.

  4. Thumb up 0

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    I hate being the killjoy here, but it just seems that Michelle is acting out and Cara is too young / immature for her. Don’t get me wrong, a fourteen year age difference doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But in this case, it really is. On the other hand, I like the idea that lesbian couples can have these bad idea relationships and the public accepts them without batting an eye.

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    I would also like to chime in with “unhealthy” here. I don’t like to pass judgement on others relationships, especially celebs who we don’t know personally, but I would certainly advise a friend against starting a relationship with someone who is ok with them drinking when they’ve been through rehab several times over. I wish Michelle would choose an awesome chick who maybe supports her instead of letting her apparently walk down a similar path to ones she’s been on before.

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    Hate to be the one who breaks the “official” news (even tho we all know it), but theres a teeny tiny update on TMZ that states

    “Michelle’s rep tells TMZ, the UK Mirror story — in which Michelle reportedly admitted to being in a relationship with Cara — is FALSE. The rep says Michelle never spoke to the Mirror.”

    She might be trying to backtrack now eh?

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