This is a recap of Rupaul’s Drag Race episode 1404. Spoilers below.
This episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race was brought to you by Marry Me in theatres nationwide February 11th. Music superstars Kat Valdez (Jennifer Lopez) and Bastian are getting married before a global audience of fans. But when Kat learns, seconds before her vows, that Bastian has been unfaithful, she decides to marry Charlie (Owen Wilson), a stranger in the crowd, instead… Okay now that we’ve gotten that out of the way we can move onto this episode with conflict both real and fake and lots and lots of JLo.
We begin after June’s elimination. Daya says she’s happy Maddy is still here but I don’t buy it because Daya has been meaner to Maddy than even me! Jasmine talks and talks… and talks and talks and talks about being safe. Bosco quotes Trixie: That’s a lot of emotion for safe.
It’s a new week and Jasmine is still talking. Kornbread finally calls her out on never listening. She’s not mean about it — she’s just very direct as she tries to teach Jasmine how to properly communicate.
The maxi challenge is a pair of fake Drag Race teaser trailers and the runway is Night of a Thousand JLos. Willow as last week’s winner and Maddy as last week’s loser are captains. Willow picks Kornbread, Kerri, Bosco, and Jorgeous. Maddy picks DeJa, Angeria, Orion, Daya, and Alyssa. Jasmine is left and she chooses to join Willow’s team — much to Kornbread’s dismay.
Jasmine begins talking about how she’s not going to keep talking. Kornbread is losing her mind. But then Jasmine suggests they play on how annoying she is and all her teammates seem to think that will work just fine.
Meanwhile, Maddy’s team is wanting to riff on Shangela’s sugar daddy speech. Maddy is doing well as team captain with Angeria especially loving her ideas. But things get awkward when Alyssa starts to make suggestions that nobody likes.
To Kornbread’s surprise, she and Jasmine end up working well together. During the filming of the sketches, Alyssa, Kerri, and Jorgeous seem to be struggling the most. Kornbread is also sort of one note, but I just think she’s so naturally fun and charming! The clear winner to me was Willow who is just so funny every single take we see.
This group of queens continue to be a joy in the workroom. Jorgeous talks about winning a pageant impersonating JLo, Alyssa talks about her mom being a pageant queen and her dad being gay (and so a drag queen was born!), and Kerri says she’s a birdwatcher — meaning she looks at dicks. JLo then shows up in a prerecorded message to speak in platitudes above her movie’s release date. I know she’s JLo, but given this very special episode I feel like she could’ve at least showed up via Skype!
I’ve been pretty harsh on Ru so I must admit that she looks absolutely gorgeous in a gold dress. She introduces Michelle, Ross, and this week’s guest judge Loni Love.
I’m not sure if the producers intervened to prevent the queens from repeating but the 13 queens all have different JLo looks and I thought they pretty much all looked great. I weirdly feel like I learned more about each of their signature style’s from this challenge than last week’s 500 look ball?? One queen that looks a bit different is Bosco dressed in JLo’s 2009 Golden Globes dress — different because she’s ditched the Maleficent vibes and just looks gorgeous.
I’m so curious what everyone thought of the final tease videos because I thought Willow’s team had the way better video and Willow was the clear standout and that did not seem to be the consensus! I did also think Angeria and Lady Camden were good. DeJa was funny but it should be noted that her main comedic bit was taken from Boman Martinez-Reid who was a guest on Canada’s Drag Race season 2. Copying this may have been an accident but it’s still worth noting.
Willow, Angeria, and DeJa end up at the top. Kornbread, Kerri, and Alyssa are the bottom. Loni Love tells Kornbread that she needs to go beyond fat jokes. Kornbread cries and talks about how being on the show has brought up a lot of pain and broken down a lot of her walls. They then tell Kerri that she needs to go beyond pretty. They tell Alyssa she was one-note.
I’m glad Kornbread and Kerri were able to get these moments, but I was NERVOUS knowing at least one of them was lip syncing. Like, no, they weren’t great, but they were at least more memorable than I don’t know Daya or Orion!
Angeria wins which I’m not mad about because Angeria is great. I did think Willow deserved this one though. Kornbread is safe — thank God — and that means it’s Kerri and Alyssa lip syncing.
I watched this lip sync to “Play” by JLo through my fingers. Kerri was wearing JLo’s REAL VERSACE DRESS from 2019 and it was obvious that she didn’t want to rip it. She still did a good job and so did Alyssa, but I think we were saved by Alyssa’s money gun not going off. Kerri did no tricks — just a very tight and entertaining lip sync. Kerri wins.
For the second week in a row I have burst out laughing when the losing queen takes out the chocolate bar. It’s just so silly I keep forgetting it’s real. Alyssa has chocolate and so she’s done. I think there are other queens who deserved to go home more, but I’m just relieved Kornbread and Kerri live to see another day in the workroom.
Teleport Us to Mars!! Here Are Some Random Thoughts:
+ Is this a safe space to admit that I’m actually super excited for Marry Me?
+ Kornbread may have been on Jasmine the most, but the best zinger was when Jasmine said, “How crazy would it be if…” and Kerri replied, “How crazy would it be if you learned to be quiet?”
+ Kornbread compares Jasmine to an oatmeal raisin cookie and I just want to take a minute to defend oatmeal raisin cookies. Sometimes I even prefer them to chocolate chip! Depends on the mood!
+ Willow references Drop Dead Gorgeous when planning with her team.
+ I got to watch this episode with my former roommates Gaby Dunn and Mal Blum, and since Gaby is a scholar of the gay internet they were the one who picked up on DeJa stealing the bit.
+ Queen I’m rooting for: Kornbread
+ Queen I have the biggest crush on: Kerri
+ Queen I want to sashay: Daya