You Need Help: Here Is A Worksheet To Help You Talk To Partners About Sex

Worksheet content by Ali and Dani , graphic design by Geneva.

We answer sex questions on this here website. And let me tell you, as a person who sometimes answers them, the number one piece of advice I give out is to open your mouth. And not in, like, a sexual way. What I mean by that is you have to talk to your sex partner or partners about the same issue you just talked to me about. And that can be scary, especially if you’re not clear on what exactly it is you want out of sex or a relationship. If you’re not clear about it in your head, it can be harder to verbalize things.

So that’s why at A-Camp 2014, we did an entire workshop on how to talk about sex with your partner. Now it’s certainly something we’ve covered before, but we’re also interested in helping you clarify what exactly you want to talk about. Not just the act of having the conversation, but the content of it too. Do you want to be doing different things in bed? Do you really want to tell your partner about a fantasy you’ve been having? Do you want to test drive some new language to refer to genitalia? Gender? Where exactly do you and your partner(s) intersect?

We made you this worksheet, the three of us. It’s full of suggestions, helpful things to think about, creative ways of looking at things we want in the sack. We hope you like it and we encourage you to deface it. If you want to talk about something you don’t see on here, well then add it. Draw all over it. Download it, print it out and go bananas.

And please, do talk to your partners if there’s something you want to change about your sex life. Also talk to your partners if they’re doing everything right (believe me, everyone wants to know they’re fabulous).

Here are some previews of what the worksheet looks like:

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23 4 5 67

And here’s a downloadable PDF, just for you.


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Geekery Editor for Autostraddle, Part-time Faculty at The New School (teaching digital storytelling), Managing Editor for Scholar & Feminist Online at Barnard Center for Research On Women. Follow me on Twitter @AEOsworth or on Instagram, also @AEOsworth.

Ali has written 466 articles for us.

34 Comments

  1. Thumb up 5

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    Wow, great stuff!

    But um…unless you and your partners are, you know, accountants or something, doesn’t having to fill out seven (?) forms prior to sex somewhat dampen the mood? πŸ˜›

    • Thumb up 11

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      FORMS TURN ME ON, what can I say? No but seriously, obvi not everyone has to or even should do something like this. And not everyone has to or should do the whole thing. But it is kinda fun to do, more like this than a form, really. And if you’re a person who isn’t sure what they want, or who’s looking to find a non-threatening opening to discuss new stuff with their existing or new partner(s), it’s a neat conversation starter.

    • Thumb up 3

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      Oh, I like it.

      “Please initial here and here, sign here. Okay, all we need is a notary, and then we can have sex!”

    • Thumb up 5

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      I think this is a non-sexytime activity. Like, you’d do this over coffee to get to know one another better and carry that knowledge with you when you go play.

    • Thumb up 19

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      Let’s just say if my taxes asked me to specify what my sexual fantasies were and how I wanted to be fucked, they’d get done a LOT sooner. And with more care.

  2. Thumb up 3

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    “…the number one piece of advice I give out is to open your mouth.”

    Woohoo!

    “And not in, like, a sexual way. ”

    Awww. Maybe I should have read that point in its entirety first.

    All seriousness aside, I really like this. It’s also food for thought (literally, if you’re into that) about other potential new things you can try in bed with your partner(s), if you haven’t already.

    Me, I might all data for this into a spreadsheet. That makes it super-easy to quickly organize!

  3. Thumb up 12

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    I asked my Roomate to print me out a list like this once, I sent him the link in an email and he didn’t even read it, just printed it for me. At his job. I’m, uh, told his co-workers had an informative discussion that day.

  4. Thumb up 3

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    My wife and I are still doing the first page, we’ve been answering questions etc while doing face time so it’s also fun to see her reactions live. LOL. I’m sure it’s the same for her. You guys were awesome at camp!!! β™₯

  5. Thumb up 3

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    Posts like these just remind me how incredibly single I am.
    (no, but seriously, this is great).

  6. Thumb up 1

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    All kinds of… Awesome, but also, man, can we make this interactive? πŸ™‚ I think that might be the plot of a new lesbian erotica short story: Two friends get together to fill out some forms…. But they’re not your average form…. They’re consent forms!

  7. Thumb up 1

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    I am a sex therapist and will definitely be using this form with my couples. Great idea and very well put together! Thank you!

  8. Thumb up 0

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    Does anyone know if there’s something like this out there for relationships more broadly (beyond the sexual)?

  9. Thumb up 0

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    I love everything about this. But did I miss the part where you talk about pregnancy/birth control (if that’s relevant to your relationship)?

  10. Thumb up 0

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    Thanks so much for this resource! Do you have any versions that don’t use cursing? I would love to use the original version with my youth, but can’t because of organizational policy on cursing. Sadface.

  11. Thumb up 0

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    I absolutely love this! I noticed that on the “What I’m gonna think” page, the bubbles say “like to image” where I would expect “like to imagine” instead. I’m not sure if it’s a typo or just a use of the word I’m unfamiliar with, but thought I’d point it out.

    Thanks for providing this resource! Super rad and helpful.

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