Things I Read That I Love #219: We Were Good As Married In My Mind

HELLO and welcome to the 219th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more about Norman Lear! This “column” is less feminist/queer focused than the rest of the site because when something is feminist/queer focused, I put it on the rest of the site. Here is where the other things are.

The title of this feature is inspired by the title of Emily Gould’s tumblr, Things I Ate That I Love.

After 20 Years, Norman Lear Has a New TV Show, by Maria Elena Fernandez for New York Magazine, January 2017

This is such an incredible interview with Norman Lear and Gloria Calderon Kellett about One Day At A Time.

Donald Trump Showed His Hand In 1999, But No One Was Looking, by Anne Helen Peterson for Buzzfeed, January 2017


Most Women In Publishing Don’t Have The Luxury Of Being Unlikable, by Emily Gould for Buzzfeed, January 2017

Everything about this was everything and spoke to me personally b/c part of why I opted out of the New York publishing world was because it was so heterosexual and so male-dominated but in a weird way because also everybody was so smart? I didn’t have it in me to try so hard to be the kind of woman that I saw being successful. So I went my own way.

Being an extremely social, sociable, accessible person should not be the price of being a professional writer, but for women it almost inevitably is. No one ever explicitly says you have to send friendly notes to critics along with your galleys, maybe even on cute stationery, or bake cookies for your readings, but when you see your peers doing this and it seems to be working, it’s hard not to feel like that’s the standard we’re all being held to, unless we want to do the mysterious and uncertain work of crafting the opposite kind of unapproachable/distant persona. It’s galling how often we think of writers as people we either would or would not want to be friends with. Understandable, but still galling. I don’t want to be friends with everyone; why should everyone have to want to be friends with me?

How Became a Haven for Sex Trafficking … and Free Speech, by Kate Knibbs for The Ringer, December 2016

This is such a complicated issue and how this case goes down will be precedent-setting. Perhaps what sucks the most is that it sounds like Backpage could’ve taken a proactive role in helping connect police to ads that seemed to be for underage and sex trafficked women and still provided the service to sex workers who wanted to be sex workers and needed a safe place to connect with clients, but they chose not to and now they’re in jail.

A.J. Daulerio Is Ready To Tell His (Whole) Gawker Story, by Maximillian Potter for Esquire, January 2017

Listen I know a LOT about this case but this article was almost entirely brand new and really interesting information and background about the guy who ended up having to take the fall for all of it. I’m always intrigued by editors who are so confident in their own judgment even when the majority is against them and also who don’t care — or even delight in — pissing people off, including good people. But also like if you are terrified of what Donald Trump is gonna do to the press like I am, you will read this with terror b/c it was Trump’s bestie Peter Theil who ruined this guy’s life to begin with.

My Grandma the Poisoner, by John Reed for Vice Magazine, October 2014

Bless the sweet humans who recommended this to me on my recent post about poison. It is a true gem and essential reading for all.

The Dog Factory: Inside the Sickening World of Puppy Mills, by Paul Solotaroff for Rolling Stone, January 2017

Once upon a time I had a dog who was a Mom at a puppy mill and man she had been THROUGH IT. This article is horrifying, obviously.

The High-Cost, High-Risk World of Modern Pet Care, by Jason Clenfield for Bloomberg Businessweek, January 2017

ON A TOTALLY DIFFERENT NOTE. Yet another story about how the private corporatization of services (e.g., elder care, prison, dialysis) is forcing providers to maximize profit over actually caring for humans.

‘Chasing Amy’ and the Toxic “Nerd Masculinity” of the 90s, by Oliver Lee Bateman for The Paris Review, August 2016

Thank you for explaining the origin of every stupid idea I had about the stupid boys I liked in high school despite sensing that they were stupid and it was stupid to like them.

My Childhood Home, by John Waters for Lapham’s Quarterly, December 2016

This is sort of a shorter read. Maybe that’s what you need right now though, you know?

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3212 articles for us.


  1. Alternate headline based on cover photo:

    Things I Read That My Poodle Loves

    (Also loving the high incidence of dogs on the coverpage today!)

  2. That One Day at a Time interview was SO GOOD! I love how the writers and producers were so DELIBERATE with everything. This was a concious attempt to tell a story about a new American family, and they deliberately hired the people best able to tell that story – Latinas and Cubans and queers. Every TV show and every writers room should learn from them and do what they did – bringing in actual veterans and Pedro Pan kids to tell their stories, letting people with actual lived experiences tell their own stories, god, can you imagine if EVERY show did that?!?!

    • This is the dream! THE DREAM, I TELL YA!

      (I’m one episode from the end, so it feels ‘safe’ to peek out of my cave and comment on ODAAT posts now, lol)

  3. “Thank you for explaining the origin of every stupid idea I had about the stupid boys I liked in high school despite sensing that they were stupid and it was stupid to like them.”

    Well that sounds PAINFULLY relevant to my life.

  4. My dog is a former puppy mill mom. I can’t find it in my heart to read that article. I just can’t.

    • Me either. It would be bad enough anyway but currently pregnant and I’ve had to hide some of the animal charity/similar pages I follow on social media or else I risk crying in public. I think this article would break me :s

    • I have a 12 year old Boston Terrier I adopted nearly 7 years ago. He was a stud dog in an Amish puppy mill (rescued during a raid). His feet are completely splayed and his legs are basically mangled from living in a cage for the first 5 years of his life.

      When we got him, he had no social skills (wasn’t aggressive or anything, just afraid of everything), didn’t know how to play, and was a hoarder. He used to hoard all of the toys in his hidey hole under the coffee table. He also hoarded food, and still, occasionally, does. We have a doggie door and my other Boston taught him to use it. For the first couple of weeks, he’d spend several hours on end just walking around in the backyard and exploring things; climbing wood piles, closing his eyes, and sniffing the breeze. Chasing leaves. All of this was new to him. He was becoming a dog.

      He didn’t take to training (my sister was a trainer), but he did learn by watching the other Boston. So, we’d give the other one a command, and he’d watch. Monkey see, monkey do. Then we brought home a pit puppy and he joined right along side her for training.

      It took a long time for him to come out of his shell and develop a personality. He’s a prepertually happy goofball.

      He’s at the age now where his body is starting to break down. His legs and hips are giving him trouble. Truthfully, I’m surprised it took this long to happen. He may not be with us in the next year or two, but at least he had a good life after being subjected to hell.

      • ” We have a doggie door and my other Boston taught him to use it. For the first couple of weeks, he’d spend several hours on end just walking around in the backyard and exploring things; climbing wood piles, closing his eyes, and sniffing the breeze. Chasing leaves. All of this was new to him. He was becoming a dog.”

        This broke my heart <3

  5. But married in my mind’s no good
    Pink triangle on her sleeve…

    How did I not know I was gay when I was a teenager and this is what I loved singing along to?

    Sorry. That probably is not the point of the headline. I’ll go read an article now.

  6. Backpage was actually super cooperative with LE. To the point where they were probably endangering some victims by being too cooperative.

        • WELP that is some bullshit. Who is actually helped by this, just politicians who look good for doing it?

          i used to work in the industry about ten years ago, we advertised in New York Magazine and also on craigslist. i guess neither of those options are available now. we posted on utopia guide too, and i knew girls at other places that advertised through TER and Eros Guide, so maybe that’s what they do now. but yeah pushing sex work further underground has historically never helped authorities find and free more trafficked women.

  7. I think it’s wonderful that you included animal/vet related links in here. Thank you.
    As a queer woman who works as a veterinarian, these stories are important to me. And, I believe, for queer communities in general. There are some excellent articles floating around regarding feminism, its history, animal ethics, and queer theory. I would love to share them if people are interested.

  8. That John Waters piece is great!

    “A child’s lunacy is a terrible thing to waste.”

    And the poisoning grandma article was, of course, brilliant

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