FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Good Vibes Only (JK, All Vibes Welcome)

Hello garden gnomes! How are you holding up? I had to pay $550 for car repairs this week and I’m out of coffee. I hope you have better things to report. It’s a mixed-up world! My downstairs neighbors think it’s okay to leave their laundry in the machine for days at a time! There are people out there who think tacos count as sandwiches!

How are you keeping your spirits up? For me, it’s this show that just recently came on US Netflix called Rescue Mediums. These two ladies drive to a haunted house in a silly car that changes with each episode, then they find some ghosts in the house, and then they “rescue” them by sending them into a light, somehow? Sometimes they also make a psychic “crystal cave.” As you do. Anyways the end of each episode is them having a glass of wine and then one of them tells the other a joke.

“Isn’t this a lovely scenic outlook?”


“What’s wrong?”

“Oh, I thought you said Isn’t this a lovely scenic — look out!”

Ha! A classic knee-slapper! These ladies. What will they think of next???

Anyways, where have you been finding joy? What’s been going well for you? Did that one really good food truck hang out outside your work this week? Did you successfully get your pet to wear a costume? Would you like to show me? Do you have any ~spooky~ plans for the full moon/Friday the 13th? Share your ups and downs with us!

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Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1142 articles for us.


  1. Ahh happy Friday everyone! I am currently experiencing a phenomena known as “look at your schedule and cry.” I am SO BUSY this coming month and into the foreseeable future. Here are just a few things on my plate that are causing me stress:
    -School work (I’m a half-time student)
    -My program at work starts rolling out this month so I am now responsible for 100+ youth in 12 counties who are aging out or have aged out of foster care
    -Getting the prisoner support/letter writing project I started off the ground and sustainable
    -Starting too coordinate soup distribution for a local hunger program
    -Fighting extractive industry in my region and presenting at the county board at the end of the month
    -Trying to find time to eat and floss

    Seriously, I know these are all good things but I am feeling worn the fuck out! Send me your stress-relief and time management tips, please!

    Also, I’ve been crabby as fuck this week. I don’t know if it’s the full moon or the cold temps or just being too busy or what but I have had it with everyone’s shit! I’m finding it hard to be patient and kind currently, so wish me luck with that!

    On the bright side, this is a three-day weekend–one in which I will hopefully get a lot of shit done and maybe find some time to relax, too?! Hope you all have a wonderful, wonderful weekend!

    • these are all such cool things and i’m impressed that you floss! i hope you do get time to relax and rest up so that you’re prepared to take on all these cool projects!

      • This really sounds like a lot of tasks, very valuable tasks. You seem to be such a caring person.
        You do so much already now!
        Do you have to do all of the projects now? Which ones could you give to someone else or start some other time?
        You know, you need time off to fill your batteries in order to help others!

    • Not a useful stress or time management tip, but your work sounds really valuable, and I hope you have the time to reflect on that sometimes in between the stressful parts :)

    • A stress management tip that I’ve found important (and that I learned from a mindfulness class) is let yourself feel the stress sometimes. Don’t just push it away all the time, because then it’ll come back with a vengeance. So feel the stress, breathe through it, and carry on doing awesome stuff!

    • Food:Make sure to eat and drink as well and regularly as possible.
      For this purpose stack yogurts,hummus, vegetable sticks, peeled to go fruit, instant oatmeal, canned tuna salad, ready made salad, instant soups, protein bars at work.
      Plus vegetable juices, nut packs, water bottles. Always make sure to have a decent lunch/dinner/breakfast back up at work.
      The tuffer it gets, the healthier you need to become.
      Identify and reduce stressors in your (little) spare time.
      That friend with the chronic relationship problems? That crappy smell in the fridge?
      Fill your car all the way up at the gas station, get bigger amounts from the atm than usual, so you won’t have to go there twice a week.
      Get a distressing routine in the evenings. For me, it’s one Netflix episode of a show I won’t be tempted to binge, with dinner.
      Or no tv/electronics near my bedroom, instead “read a book”.
      Good luck, I wish you lots of success in your endeavours!

  2. I wrote this on my Facebook on Monday, and I want to share it with you, Autostraddle:

    “I had my first panic attack when I was 10 years old. They were very severe panic attacks with derealization (look it up – it’s hard to explain, but trust me, you don’t want the experience). I spent about six years having them on a regular (read: nearly daily) basis. In the summer of 2006, the panic attacks became so bad that I stopped leaving my house and was completely housebound for 6 months. My agoraphobia was a very dark six months of my life. On January 9th, 2007, 10 years ago today, I left my house for the first time since becoming agoraphobic. Life Day, as I call it.

    I’ve accomplished quite a bit in the past decade – I graduated high school, moved out of my parents’ house to attend college, transferred to NYU & moved to NYC, graduated with honors, got my MFA in musical theatre writing from NYU. I started a theatre company, wrote a musical, worked at Off-Broadway theaters, got a full-time salaried job. I’ve come out, dated, had my heart broken, and got back up. I got a dog, rode the subway, got tattoos, met and worked with people I admire, who have become friends. I’ve gone backstage at countless Broadway theaters, gone from crazed fan to theatre professional. I’ve lived. I’m alive. I’m here.

    Happy Life Day 10!”

    • this is so powerful, rachel, thank you for sharing it with us! so proud of all that you’ve accomplished!

    • As someone currently in a pretty bad place (somewhat agoraphobic but I can leave the house with family, but i’ve dropped out of school, quit working, and lost touch with my friends) but who’s hoping to turn things around and eventually work in theatre or film (costuming specifically) this gives me a lot of hope. Thank you.

  3. It’s fuck my life Friday brought to you in part by the bitch who broke my friend’s heart! Burn in hell bitch!

    Ok now that that’s out of the way, it’s Friday and that means today I’m hella sexy as fuck. Had a good week. Paid off some debt. HAD A TACO AKA MEXICAN SANDWICH. I also met with that financial advisor and we had a lengthy discussion in investment and he thinks I should try to go for a spot as a financial representative that sells annuities and educate others about investment options. I’m thinking about it but still not sure because I don’t like selling stuff but I do like explaining financial stuff. The good thing is that he said I am on track to do great things and that he was confused as to why I sought financial advisement when I knew so much already. I told him I just wanted to learn more and it blew him always. Pretty sure he thinks I’m nuts but he invited me to his corporate headquarters to see what he does and sit in with a board meeting. Pretty cool. Talked with my AS crush and she is way cooler than I imagined. What a week.

    That’s pretty much my week. Being positive despite the depression and insomnia. Hmmmmm…. Maybe the lack of sleep is finally getting to me. Time to start cooking!!!!


    • Well….. a Mexican sandwich is a torta….. still. When you don’t have bread and all you have is tortillas ….. you call it a sandwich to feel better lol.


    Pumpkin the miniature therapy horse is back at work today

    When she walked in to the building I went over to let her nibble my hand and she whispered, "fuck Trump. We are goddesses. We are more powerful than he could ever imagine."

    Well, I mean, she whispered it with her eyes. But the meaning was totally there. ;-)

  5. Happy friday bb and bbs

    I’m sick but I’m at work, I can’t stop listening to Solange,

    I miss Moonlight and I miss One Day at a Time,

    my (also queer) sister is visiting me from LA tomorrow for the first time in 6 years and I’m really nervous and I don’t know why.

    I’ve been having dreams of going to A-Camp this year and I hope I can go.

    Also I started a side gig and I feel really good about it

    that’s it

    • i hope your visit with your sister is positive and healing and great! both of you should come to camp probs

  6. I’m in the waiting room at the dealership because my car wouldn’t start for the last two mornings in a row, boo! But at least that gives me time to catch up on AS articles, until my phone battery also dies.

    I have no opinion on tacos vs. sandwiches, but my brother used to say that everything could be considered a type of salad. Spaghetti: warm pasta salad with tomato dressing. Nachos: corn chip, bean and avocado salad topped with cheese. Etc.

    • i’m crossing my fingers for your car but also have to be real with you and tell you that your brother’s theory provoked in me a physical reaction of horror and disgust. i will pray for him

      • He was making fun of the existence of things like ambrosia salad, so I’m sure he would have in fact shared your disgust. :)

        My car just needed the battery replaced and it was still under warranty so that’s good news! But then I got home and my baseboard heaters aren’t working. It’s too damn cold, you guys.

    • Whenever people ask that icebreaker question about “if you couldn’t only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?” I always answer salad. I figure you could put any food in top of a couple pieces of lettuce and call it salad.

  7. Oh my, made it to Friday! I think things are actually, sort of looking up after a winter break filled with, quite honestly, too many people wanting too much from me.

    I officially switched advisors!! My now ex-advisor has been an abhorrent human for the past year and a half and I ignored all the signs and figured that this is how life works and you deal with a narcissistic, gaslighting human when you’re trying to write your dissertation. Like I actually had to read back to him part of an answer I had written on a qualifying exam because he kept claiming I had said the opposite … and I had started to question whether he was right!

    So he decided that, after FOUR MONTHS of me emailing him regular updates about my progress, tweaks in the direction of my dissertation, pages upon pages of writing that he’d never read, and him flat out ignoring every single attempt at contact, he would meet with me this past week. All to say that he doesn’t think he’s a good fit as my advisor. Which like, total blessing, yes. BUT he then had the absolute audacity to ask me if I would give him the data I had been originally collecting for my dissertation (that is of much less use to me now as my topic has shifted) so that he could use it and publish stuff with it. And I just smiled and said to him “all of the data that I collected as your RA has been available to you on Dropbox.” idk if he caught the subtext of that which was basically, fuck no you can’t just have all the data I spent two years collecting so you can go off and publish with it, but I sure as hell knew what I meant!

    Despite the soul-crushing pressure of changing advisors, tweaking topics, and still trying to finish a PhD as fast as possible as the world hurtles toward destruction, I am feeling pretty damn good that I don’t have to deal with him anymore and I have a new advisor who I work well with and the rest of my committee is on board with my work and even more interested in the revised topic I have.

    And this weekend my wife is out of town so I’ve cleaned the whole house and I’m looking forward to drinking some tea, knitting, and listening to podcasts.

    I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday!!

    • That is awful but I’m so pleased that you A ) stood up for yourself about your data B ) are getting a better adviser / main professor C ) are able to continue through.

      I had a much milder but similar thing happen when I was in a phd program–lets just say that emotional crash and destruction occurred instead. Its actually really nice to read about someone having similar, but being able to continue (without, it seems, a detriment to their health)

      • Thank you! I know I’m really fortunate that, despite his asshattery, there are other members of my committee who are truly wonderful humans that help me feel reassured and not fall into a pit of despair as I am wont to do.

    • Good for you. I am struggling with a crappy advisor cause I am so close to the end but it is hell. Pure hell. So stories like yours bring me smiles.

  8. I keep ending up blue for the weekends! I was accepting of this last week because I had just gotten over a killer illness but now its Friday again and its like all my RAH RAH vibes are just draining right out. This is probably because there’s just too much to do, work wise, during the week.

    But I don’t know. I think I need to grab someone and mutually psych each other up. Any takers?

    On the plus, I finally watched Super Girl and I adored it. So that’s a good thing. And I have a job etc. etc. So, if you dismiss the feeling of impending doom I’m pretty awesome. So I guess my alternative question: whats your favorite thing to do to shake yourself from a weekend funk?

    • I know the weekend crash feeling :(

      My favorite thing to do to try to shake it kind of depends on the type of funk, but since it’s so cold where I am and walks would probably just add to my funk, I like to bake or go for escapism with a good book or indulgent movie.

      I hope you’re able to feel relaxed and refreshed this weekend, especially after such a busy week!

      • I kind of like that baking is one of the top suggestions. Do you have a fav recipe?

        Its not so cold here anymore so I could go on a walk–I just can’t help but laugh every time I do. my parents tell me weekly “you’re going to get murdered by a serial killer!”

    • i have been watching a lot of brooklyn 99 lately to try to cope with funk. for me, i need a kind of careful balance of having time to chill by myself without letting myself stew in my feelings. if i get too deep into the funk i try to make myself do something social so i have to get out of my head a little.

      • Not sure if this’ll help. But I find having to concentrate on something complicated, usually a recipe in my case, helps me clear my head. Plus there’s the bonus of having something tasty to share/enjoy on my own, at the end of the process.

        • I decided to try for a collection call of novella’s. Which may help or may make things worse (we’ll see!)

          I do need to start baking again. Do you have some fav recipes?

      • I tend to need a fair amount of down-time when busy…but I’ve been trying to figure out this whole SOCIAL THING as well. I moved in August, spent most of the fall anywhere but my new home town…

        So…well, working on the latter. I do think you’ve the right idea for a balance, though. Some great tv with a side of good company.

  9. Hey all! Hope you’ve been having a great week. I’m needing a little courage/encouragement for a date(?) I have tonight with someone I really like.

    We’ve hung out once before and I confirmed that she is queer, dates multiple genders, and is polyamorous (3 things we have in common)! Just trying to be chill about this second hang out because I reallyreally like her.

    Anyway, any words of encouragement would be much appreciated. Thank you all for being such a supportive and wonderful community. You all are the best!

    • That sounds awesome! Do you allready know what you are going to do/ where you are going? I´m sure it is going to be a great hangout/date! :) The three things you two have in common I also have in common with you. :) (not sure about the grammar here – English is not my mother tongue) I´ll be thinking about you and your date and wish you a really great time!

  10. Hi everyone!

    I got a new cell as a Christmas gift from my mom and I was super happy. On Monday I dropped it on the floor and its screen is broken. Seriously, no one should ever buy me anything. Especially mobile phones. In my short life I managed to launder one, lost another and now this. I’ll have to pay a lot of money for repair and uggh.

    I had exams this week and I’m just so tired. I’m confused about almost everything in my life and it’s such an annoying feeling.

    But hey, always look at the bright side of life! I have an access to Netflix for the first time in six months and I’m so excited because A Series of Unfortunate Events came out today! I loved these books and a movie so much as a child and I’m just so excited to watch this!!

    • i’m sorry about your phone, combined with the exams that sounds like such a long week! i hope you have time to rest and recharge this weekend!

      • It was! Like literally, on Tuesday I was convinced it’s Thursday and I was so disappointed.
        Thank you and I hope you’ll have nice weekend too, Rachel!

    • I’m just like that, phones come to me to die. I once broke a phone when I had it for less than 24 hours. I’ve had better luck since, but I know the struggle and I am here to tell you, it gets better.

    • If it makes you feel better I once managed to flush a phone down a school toilet (like down down it was GONE) when I was in high school and this was a replacement for a phone that had broke that I had had for less than one week. I am still paranoid about my phone around toilets especially if I’m wearing sweatpants bc sometimes your phone falls out and you don’t know and this is ESPECIALLY DISASTROUS when it falls out when you’re on the toilet.

  11. My Friday the 13th is planned as follows:
    – Continue to battle the possessed software known as SolidWorks with definitely not enough RAM for the shit my boss wants me to do
    – Go home, eat a delicious baked potato, and go grocery shopping
    – Watch the first two episodes of A Series of Unfortunate Events
    – Sleep forever

    My week has been pretty good. I made caramels on Saturday and they’ve lasted through the week and they’re so delicious. If I’d known how easy and quick they were… well, it’s kind of dangerous for me to have that information, but here we are.

    I’m going to see my favorite aunt this weekend, and I’m also going to my wife’s family’s house where there will be playoff football and also amazing food. It’s gonna be great.

  12. Hello everyone!

    I´ve been feeling so good recently (in many ways), so I thought I share some of the reasons here, because I feel like this is an awesome place to be happy (and of course also sad, overwhelmed or angry) together.

    First off, to make sure I do not forget this: I got a (great) new haircut and the super cute French Bulldog at the (awesome!!) salon I get my hair cut jumped on my lap and was lying under my cape in my lap for the entire haicut (an hour) so that I could cuddle her. She even started licking my sweatshirt at some point and started making the cutest “Relaxed-Bulldog-Noises” ever… :) That was sooo nice and relaxing! :)

    A few days ago at work when I wasn´t able to focus I wanted to write down 2 or 3 things I am thankful about right know and ended up writing down at least 20. :) When visiting my family for Christmas I came out as non-binary/potetially ftm to my brother and a day later to his girlfriend. They were both awesome and nice and cute. The day before Christmas Eve my parents started using my new (“male”) name for me – right when I had told them, that there is no hurry/they can take their time, because I feel so very “seen” and respected and supported in my gender identity by them. They are now using my old nickname as well as my new name since then and it makes me so unbelievably happy.

    Other reasons for being thankful: I have new clothes and never felt that good about the way I look. A friend of mine, who is a transwomen, gave me an old jacket of hers (from when she was presenting as “male”, even though she already knew she was female) and its everything I could ever want in a winter jacket. Also the fact that she gave it to me makes it so much nicer to wear. :) A week ago I got new glasses and I love them so much (and finally see better again ;) ). And since New Years Eve (I celebrated alone and loved it) I started packing 24/7 (on the weekends and when not at work). It was super confusing to me, that it felt so awesome – considering I had never thought about doing that (even though I knew others did that). The first days I really struggeled with anxiety because it was just so weird and new. But I had a consultation with a gender therapist at a local LGBT center and that helped so much to relax a bit. Now I am just happy, that I found something I enjoy that much and try not to overthink it. :)

    Other things that bring joy to me right know: My knewly found friends from the trans support group in my “new” city! And the Youtube Channels of Aaron Ansuini and Chase Ross and their Podcast “You´re so brave”. Its just encouraging to hear them talk so openly about their joys and struggles (f.e. with mental illness) and also often just fun. And there are lots of cats in their podcast videos. :) I´m very happy I found them.

    I am planing on starting online dating again, but sadly there is no non-binary option when stating your gender. And I´m sick once again (but feeling better already). These are the only not so great things. :)

    I love you all so much (I feel like I haven´t been here forever)!

    A big hug to anyone who would want one!

    • I so very much feel you on the lack of non-binary option. Even those sites that do offer it(OKC and now Tinder), you are stuck choosing between being grouped with men or women, which is fine for some, but not me persoanlly.

      • Yeah, it sucks… For me it´s not really fine either! I even wrote them about it, but didn´t get an answer in weeks. Now I´m at a point, where I try to make up my mind, what is “less wrong”. I mean – I actually know it already, I guess. My gender identity lies between/flucuates a bit between “male” (but never fully male) and genderneutral/-less or agender. So it would be “more true” to put “male”. But just because I don´t identify as female doesn´t mean I´m not feminine (I don´t know if the word is the best fit here?) sometimes. And thats something I try to embrace just as much as my partial male-ness/masculinity. I´ve pretty much never been attracted to heterosexual women and if I put “male”, the suggestions I´ll get are going to be heterosexual and hopefully also bisexual/queer women – basically women who look for or also look for men. …probably I´m thinking in sterotypical categories here and should just relax and keep an open mind. :) The dating websites asks you, if it is important to you, that your potetial date is okay with their partner being trans (everyone has to answer this question beforehand) – so thats good! :) (Sorry, that got long – I think a lot about this at the moment… ;) )

        • I just quickly wanted to add: I don´t really think that way/feel that way – as in: “I´ve pretty much never felt attracted to a heterosexual women.” To me it´s depends always very much on the person and how we interact and so on. These are just my “irrational” thoughts/thoughts i catch myselv thinking without liking the fact, that I subconsiously obviously think that way… :(

        • I don’t think it was long, I like to read stories from other people in the community. For various reasons, one being not wanting to be a target, or kicked off the site, use male, which is my legal gender. That is until I can become one of the few to get non-binary on my id. I get where you are coming from with the hetro women. At least for me the cis-het women I’ve met don’t full get it, or mistake me as confused bi male.

          • Yeah, I also like to hear other peoples stories! :) Its probably a good strategy to put your “legal” gender if that feels/is more safe for you! This side is pretty `transfriendly` (also poly-friendly, bi-friendly and focusses on people who care about the environment/volunteer in social areas etc./are vegan or vegetarian). So all in all a pretty cool side – you don´t “look” for someone you like, but you get suggestions based on a pretty long test at the beginning (and based on the criteria you decide to put there as well). When registering it even mentiones: “transgender people put their lived/felt gender” (not the best translation probably…) But this does only help me to much… I will probably just add a short explanation to my “free text” bit – I´m really not so sure, how good the chances are of finding someone (especially since I´m poly). But who knows, right? :)

  13. Hi Everyone! I started off this week by getting a letter that said I had to appear for federal jury duty next week. Prior to this, I had a real Leslie Knope outlook on jury duty, like it was my civic duty and all that. But now the idea of having to make a large decision, like whether a person is innocent or guilty and the fact that I have to be there at 7:30 in the MORNING makes me just want to hide in bed.

    But here is my good vibe:
    One thing I am proud of is that a couple months ago I got this grand idea to start a salad club in my office. There is a group of 4-6 of us, one person (usually me) finds a salad theme, we make an ingredient list and we all bring in the items and have our own salad bar of sorts. This week we had an Asian inspired salad with cabbage, broccoli, bell peppers, cilantro, green onions, edamame, peanuts, and I made a spicy peanut dressing. It was so delicious and the six of us had enough salad to have lunch for two days. It turns out I am very passionate about eating plenty of vegetables in a social setting.

    Go out and celebrate this weekend, y’all. It’s the last weekend we have The President Obama as our leader (if you live in US). Have a fancy cocktail, or if you’re me, go to a bar and order kombucha or a sparkling water with fruity embellishments. It’s what he would want us to do.

    And tacos are most definitely not sandwiches. How odd?

    • I LOVE YOUR SALAD CLUB IDEA. Yes all-caps. There’s a group of vegans / vegetarians at my job who take turns making lunch for the group, or at least making a dish for everyone, but they are sort of competitive chefs about it hahah.

  14. HI TEAM! <3 Hi Rachel. Your car, dang! Car trouble is up there with losing your keys / wallet for stress and annoyance. Ugh.

    I'm teaching a class next semester. It's BIO100, biology concepts, at a community college in Arizona.

    For most of these students, this will be the last / only college science class they take.

    A lot of Arizonans are religious conservatives, think science is a liberal conspiracy, climate change is a hoax, intelligent design etc. I'm a visibly queer person who looks like a young female, so I definitely feel the burden of sexism and homophobia in taking the helm of this course. But, I have a lot of confidence and experience as a scientist and teacher, so at least there's that.

    In light of the election results, I decided to take a risk and do my best to cultivate a classroom environment where genuine engagement in these 'controversial' viewpoints can be held up to the light of classroom discussion and analyzed in a respectful way.

    The thing I'm weirdly most nervous about, though is this bit where I talk about my recommending mindfulness training to help students with issues like procrastination. I think it's crucially important and a neglected part of Western education.

    Besides providing examples of how it's being used by professional educators at other schools, I'm having a hard time figuring out how to talk about it so they can understand the unique value, because the general public's perception is that it's woo-touchy-feely Eastern religion. A lot of the language I have so far is talking about what it's *not*.

    So, any encouragement, suggestions, or especially links to resources for any of this would be super helpful.

    Thank you dear AS and I look forward to reading all your FOT updates.

    • man, cultivating that kind of classroom environment is SO hard! and often thankless, because you don’t necessarily know whether students have benefited from it in the moment. i applaud you for trying so hard to do right by your students! you sound like a great educator.

      i’m not super knowledgeable about meditation and mindfulness, but am trying to become more involved, and maybe starting with some secular/western resources on it would help students from a secular/western background? some people have mentioned reading stuff by Dan Harris, who was initially a skeptic about meditation bc he thought it was ‘woo-woo’ and now is a devotee; this is his book.

      • ah thank you Rachel yes! The only westerners that I could find as resources that I felt were really good actually became full-on Buddhists, hah, so this Dan Harris ref is perfect, thank you!

        I did find one other called the Veterans Yoga Project which is focused on mindfulness, too.

        I love Pema Chodron if you haven’t checked her out. Free videos on YouTube.

        • i love pema! i’ve been listening to her a lot, some audio tapes of lectures too, and finding them super helpful. i also like tara brach’s free podcast a lot! i can’t wait to hear your students’ thoughts on all this.

          • oh thank you! I will check out Tara Brach. Hah I just assume the students will respond with a wall of uncomfortable silence like you were saying heh but at least I will know they have the info. I will report back what happens. <3

  15. Those collies in the Open Thread photo on the main page are making me so happy! <3

    …tacos are not sandwiches.

  16. I am always happy to go back to school after long breaks, but the first week is hard. I’ve been feeling sentimental and sappy about handing over the control to a project I was part of last year and am now a TA for. This project is THE REASON I know what I want to do in life, and I started it with people who have become my best friends! It’s magical! I know the class will make it better and it’s going to grow and be great, but I’m feeling protective of it for the moment. I’m happy that I can end my week by staying in bed for the most part and eating a wonderful bagel!

    • omg don’t leave us hanging tell us a little about the content of your beloved project if you don’t mind sharing! <3

      • haha so gladly! while things might change a little this year, last year it was a show in the vein of the vagina monologues, but about bodys, with pieces from our campus and local community about personal experience, societal oppressions and/privilege in relation to bodies. There were some fun collective pieces from survey questions like “what is your favorite feature, without naming it” or “what does society want you to hate about your body”. This year we are including visual art as well! I’m so excited to see it all come together!!! I’ve wrote a piece last year, but I wrote an even better piece this year and submitted a painting that relates to the topic of my piece. It’s just so wonderful to be a part of making this project come alive!

        • jay this sounds amazing! i’m so impressed that you worked on this and i totally understand feeling emotional about passing on control of it. i’m so happy you had this in your life and that others can benefit from it too!

          • It’s a pretty awesome community event! I’m trying to embrace my excitement and the endless possibilities for it to become something even better!
            Also this is the painting I did:

            The piece I wrote is about my experience with CPTSD, trauma, and coping with such. Including a coping mechanism I had when I was a kid, I would hide under a blanket and be a Blob if I was angry and just stay a Blob until I wasn’t. So this painting is me as a blob and representations of anxiety,skin issues, depression,isolations, and disassociation and such around it/me.

  17. I’ve been finding joy in new season of Portlandia that started last week. Carrie is great as always, and at times just set my queer heart afloat. Also the new season of It’s Always Sunny started last week and that’s just another one to keep me distracted. Another distraction for me has been cooking. Last week I was able to find a store that carries fresh jackfruit and it has been like my thing all week. If you are not familiar jackfruit is an actual fruit from south-west Asia area(it’s really popular in like Bangladesh area) that can be used as a meat substitute and I really like it a lot.

    I need the distractions, because I feel like some of the people who I am acquittance or friends rather not talk to me or something. I dunno what to do, like do I ask are we still cool or just say nothing and try to find new people
    in our community to be friends with? Speaking of which I started speaking to a another trans person in the area on tumblr, and they gave me their number without me asking. So may have plans to meet with them this weekend, but it’s not enough? Like why can’t real life be more like HIMYM or L Word, as in you hang out with the same group of people regularly like family. Is that unrealistic, or I am not finding the right people? I dunno, it has me borderline bummed.

    This week is a little change it up a little as I don’t have nature I explored or neat art I saw. I am going to share an image of me wearing my cool pin I bought from Autostraddle! (side note I have nude liptstick on)

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

  18. I recently submitted my PhD, and every since I’ve been in a sort of directionless limbo consisting mostly of panic attacks and sadness. But then today I binge-watched all of One Day at a Time (thanks AS), and it was exactly what my soul needed. Something deep within me has been waiting for this show ever since my own gruesome coming-out to my Catholic Hispanic mom, and it really soothed my achy breaky heart. I hope all of you have a glorious weekend and, if you find some time, watch the show.

  19. Hi everyone!

    So, this has been a week of feeling wholly inadequate in every aspect of my life! For starters, my derby team has a new Facebook group which was supposed to be a place for us to chat and bond and share and stuff, but which has mostly just become a place for everyone post their daily workout updates or recipes, and while this is supposed to be motivational, it mostly just feels like shaming those of us who DIDN’T do those things. And so I totally skipped practice on Tuesday to sit at home and cry while watching Obama’s farewell address and eating popcorn. No regrets.

    Then, in a post-holiday catch-up, my friend tells this elaborate story about all the girls she’s been dating/sleeping with, and how excited she is about the 4 dates she has this week, and how she can’t decide which of these two girls she’s more into and OH THE DRAMA. And I’m sitting here like, the most exciting thing that happened to me over the holidays was that my grandpa finally decided it was time for he and my grandma (whose dementia has gotten a lot worse and can no longer be left home alone) to finally move into an assisted living facility. Which is important and LONG OVERDUE but my god that actually was the highlight of my holiday break!? And I’m happy for her, of course I’m happy for her, she’s had a really tough year, and a tough break up with an abusive manipulative ex, and she really does deserve this, but also like, why is it so easy for some people?

    So, that’s derby, my love life…..what else? Oh right, WORK. So I’ve recently found out that two of my good friends from law school who both graduated the same year as me, are now TEACHING classes at our law school! Two years out, and they’re so advanced in their respective fields that they’re TEACHING and me I’m still like oh yeah how do you file a motion again?

    Guys, adulting is HARD and I know we’re not supposed to compare ourselves to anyone else and blah blah blah social media bullshit but it’s hard when my biggest accomplishment of this week was finishing One Day at at Time in three days.

    • Adulting is the worst sometimes. I can’t imagine teaching after only two years practising law. Your friends surely must be the exception rather than the rule!

  20. Today has been my kinda day y’all! So I’m perpetually late to the party and just discovered Borns and omg American Money has just been on repeat everywhere in my life and ngl I feel like a sexy mother fucker.
    Gotta college crowd for open mic tonight w/ some new jokes to lay on ’em…this week I laid serious foundation for my fake meat empire…my day of birth swiftly approacheth— Guys, it’s startin’ to look up out there. ;)

  21. Hi y’all!

    I’m moody as all hell today. Not really sure why?

    I brought in gourmet donuts to work today- didn’t help. The Disney station on Pandora was on point today- didn’t help. I’m took off half the day of work for a derm apt (skin care y’all! take care of yourselves!) before a three day weekend- hasn’t helped.

    I will say, reading this thread has taken me down a couple notches so thanks y’all! You have more power than Disney! – at least in the soothing sense.

    I don’t know WTF it is- maybe it’s just the combination of bad weather, hip pain, and work shiz. Whatever it was, I woke up this morning I woke up with both middle fingers in the air!

    • “I woke up with both middle fingers in the air!”

      omg cindy you are truly gifted, this is amazing! also hope your derm appt goes well! skincare is so crucial!

      • I keep going back to the John Oliver bit, “F*ch you, 2016” where an assortment of people all flip off the past year. It was a crappy year!

        • My goodness. I had not seen that until now.

          Perfection. Utter perfection.

          “2016 go punch yourself in the dick!”

      • Ohhh you’re totally right. So, maybe that means since it’s a full moon AND Friday the 13th, the only solution to the moony mood is some sort of supernatural series binge….


        (p.s. by Buffy I totally mean Cordelia)

  22. Hiiiiiiiii, helloooooooo.
    What a doozy this week has been. This month. This YEAR (already? Already.)
    I moved out of an unhealthy living situation and struck out on my own, but now that all the nesting and decorating fun is over, I’m kind of reeling in the loneliness of being by myself all the time. Or maybe it’s alone-ness, rather than loneliness.
    But also, I’m a smidge lonely.
    Linings are as follows:
    1. I’m kicking ass at my new job as a web developer (something I’ve never done professionally before).
    2. I’ve cooked 85% of the meals I ate this week, as opposed to eating out and spending tons of money.
    3. I put together an IKEA couch.
    4. I’ve got my standup comedy class tomorrow during which I will tell the HORRENDOUS puns I’ve written this week and watch everyone facepalm while I cackle evilly.

    I HOPE YOU ALL FIND YOUR SILVER LININGS. Many hugs and blessings and slobbery Labrador kisses to you all.

      • Thank you! The couch was especially unweildy, being that I did it by myself and I am hobbit-sized. The nap I took on it afterward felt so hard-won and delicious.

    • Well done with the home cooking. I brought lunch from home every day this week and it felt like an accomplishment :)

  23. Good evening straddlers. This week has been…something. I hear the car thing-mercifully my £600 bill was last month. Yeesh. Hope its all running smooth for a good while from now on!
    Good vibes; Today I got to spend a surprise couple of hours at my dayjob hanging out with a friend, putting the world to rights. Time got away from us. We talked trans issues in the wake of that godawful BBC newsnight show and the fallout, and what is and isn’t worth fighting on social media. We talked about loads of stuff actually, was really cool to hang out with another lesbian-normally my dayjob is super heteronormative so it’s super cool when I have these moments whilst there-although I am now behind with what I had planned to do *shrugs*.

    Bad Vibes; In kinda shitty happenings (poss triggering)- I had to visit my high school on Tuesday to collect stuff for my dayjob. I talked a bit about this on Twitter because the secretary remembered me, and I was glad she said it was for my acting in the school play, rather than for my vilification for being gay. I have really awful memories of that place…and now in the name of child safety it has been turned into a fortress-ringed by a 10 foot high spiked metal fence with locked gates-one way in, one way out. Swipe cards for access to every building and the carpark. I can honestly say being trapped in there was seriously unpleasant. I didn’t have the appropriate swipe card to get back out and was grateful to the kid who helped me, but at the same time I was on the verge of panic attack. I am so glad we didn’t have a cage around us when I was there. If I had been bullied whilst trapped like that I honestly don’t know what would have happened. I can only hope they no longer make students sign a contract stating they will uphold the Christian values of the school-or tell gay kids they’re the ones who would be expelled for complaining/reporting homophobic bullying.

    Other vibes; So I cried like a baby at One day at a time. Stupid heartwarming ending. God I hope we get another season. Oh and I learned that tofu is another texture I can’t handle. Any tips for making it bearable?
    Have great weekends everyone. Solidarity to my fellow weekend workers-we can do this! :)

    • Yikes, I’m sorry about the high school visit; I’m glad you got out okay!

      For (firm or extra firm) tofu, it helps if you press some of the extra water out of the tofu before cutting it by putting it on a paper towel-lined plate and setting another small plate with something heavy, like a can, on top for a quarter or a half hour. Then you can cut it up into pieces and bake it at a medium or low temperature until it turns golden. This makes it more chewy. If you’re really trying to avoid the taste and feel of nothingness, then smaller pieces are better.

      Soft tofu seems dubious to me, so I’ve never bought it, but I’ve heard you can use it in dessert recipes or whatnot where you blend it in with other ingredients to the point where it becomes unrecognizable.

      • Thanks for this. We used soft tofu and I think that was the major error there. I have a massive texture issue with food…I was gagging. So yeah. I will seek out harder varieties!

    • I would recommend you to marinade tofu in soy sauce, olive oil and spices you like (I prefer hot/sweet pepper, oregano, thyme and of course salt – though soy sauce is salty enough so not too much – and pepper but I usually use anything I find in my cupboard) and fry it. It tastes a little like chicken nuggets. You can try do tofu version of scrambled eggs too, I’ve never had a chance to try it because I can’t get black pepper anywhere where I live but it looks delicious –
      I also made garlic sauce from tofu once. It wasn’t actually great but not bad either. Or you can try tofu cheesecake!

      • Yeah the tofu I got suggests cheescake making on the package, and as I have extra-and can’t eat it in any other form I may attempt this. Thanks for info.

  24. Last week I got an IUD and this week I’ve had the mental equivalent of coming down with the flu. Not sure if the two are related.

    I also started a podcast! It’s about the really mundane things that we secretly love, and how the Internet helps us all find connection through sharing these really “boring” things like pet photos and how to find an apartment. You can listen to it here if you’re so inclined:

    I’m also counting down the days to my name change hearing (January 30th!) so after that I won’t be Erica on here anymore. Maybe y’all can guess what my new (still female) name will be! :D

  25. The cutest thing in the world is watching a cat walk around high on painkillers. Oh my god, I’m dying. So, my cat Riley (one of two Maine Coon brothers) has been needing dental prophylaxis. Well, I finally got the money together and my partner and I had that done yesterday. Riley’s doing really well, but he’s soooo loopy and I love it. Right now, he’s staring at the wall but earlier he was running around the room like a nut.

    • SO CUTE. I love his fluffy mad face.

      My cat stares at walls and runs around the room like a nut all the time, so now I’m gonna have to go look around for his secret stash of painkillers.

    • My cat was friendlier than normal on pain killers so that was nice. He had crystals and his life had just been saved by me so I think that is why he was more cuddly than usual.

  26. HI GUYS I’ve been pretty down this week but I just got an email from Laneia so things are definitely looking up!

    Also this weekend I’m going to buy a pair of wellies and then go watch dogs wearing jumpers in Hampstead Heath.

  27. What a handsome kitty! Since moving into my own place, the pressure (both external and internal) to get a cat is overwhelming and I would absolutely get a Maine Coon, if I could. So fluffy!

    • Maine Coons are really cool. Their coats can be basically any color from what I’ve read. When I adopted Riley and his brother, he had at least one brother or sister in the litter who was bright orange and another who had a darker, gray coat. Unfortunately, I couldn’t adopt them all.

  28. Hey all!

    It’s been a weird week. I’ve been having a rough go of things lately on the mental health front.

    However! I’m finally home, have some Kroger guacamole, and am flopped on the floor.

    My week at school was long— It’s been a rough reentry after a recent hospitalization. I’ve been feeling super stressed and behind lately, but I took care of shit this week and talked with my teachers. After wrapping up a paper tonight, I’ll be done with this semester! Just a few more hours of work. I’m proud of my student self and trying to silence negative thoughts by remembering how hard I’ve worked in school. (A legitimate actual 100 on my English midterm, holy shit, woah, jeez)

    My parents are sick but managing. A close friend’s mother is in the hospital, and I wish things were better for them. They always comfort me with quiet and space-giving, so I’m trying to return the favor and be there without being overbearing. We studied this morning, and it was one of those “hey, we’re here, that’s all” moments. Honest and simple.

    I feel like things in general are in the “we’re getting by” stage, and that’s just fine.

    Good to hear from you all, wherever you are,

  29. hello beauties,

    I started reading a book called feminist fight club that’s kinda like working within the system as a feminist. It’s a good book for what it is, and I think folks get shamed for working w/in the system, I just don’t work in an office anymore and it’s a lot about office culture. And I was pretty openly aggro about stuff like being talked over that folks just thought I was a mouthy weirdo and didn’t give me a super hard time.

    I’m fine! I made blanched cauliflower with heaps of brewers yeast and it tastes like vegan mac&cheese and it makes me so happy.

    My week was busy but manageable and not much to report back on life-wise. I’m going through this intense process in therapy where it’s just getting to deeper layers, and it’s weird, but feels like it’s healing a bunch of shit which is cathartic and sometimes sad and growthful. It feels good to have somebody I feel comfortable doing the work with and the resources and time to do so.

    Otherwise I have pretty quiet plans this weekend for dinner with friends and reading, but I’m looking forward to them.

    Also I bought a sweatshirt dress from forever 21 and it is everything I have hoped for in a sweatshirt dress.

    oh, and I wrote a blog post about if you haven’t been feeling sexy post-election.

    Happy weekend, sweethearts.

  30. Hello, beautiful sparkle-cupcakes!

    My schedule has also gotten very busy recently. I am hosting my monthly book club (called Brie & Bitchery) for brunch on Sunday. Then I leave for DC for the Women’s March with a car full of college kids on Thursday morning. I’m supervising a group of students from the college where I work, and they are all SO EXCITED.

    As soon as we get back, I have to meet up with my Krewe for Mardi Gras and start building our float for the parade. The theme this year is Game of Throws, so our float theme is Rainbow Guard. That way we can be as rainbow, sparkle, unicorn as we want.

    I’m also hosting my first art class at the new gallery I’m working for. We have 53 students signed up and I have to get enough materials for them all to make Mardi Gras masks. EEP!

    To treat myself, since I’m on the Whole 30 (aka the gayest diet ever), I went and got a Friday the 13th tattoo today.

  31. I always miss the start of these because of the time difference, but I always wanna join in anyway!

    So! This has been a good week because I had my first classes after the holidays and have read Little Red Riding Hood 7 times so far.

    I downloaded Tinder last weekend, which I never thought I’d do, but it’s been fun!
    Slightly terrified because a girl on there keeps asking me to meet her literally NOW and I am a baby and keep not replying. But yeah!

    Also!!! Although I’ve never super hidden my sexuality, I also haven’t ever officially or blatantly confirmed that I like girls, but yesterday when I was talking about Tinder to my mum, she was like, “Yeah, these things are hard enough, but when you’re bisexual, it’s double the trouble!”
    God, I love her so much.

    • That does sound pretty chill. It’s okay if you don’t want to meet someone, I’ve been on the other side a few times where the person gave me their number and all, but then decided to rather not meet. The best thing to do is be honest with the person(one person just ghosted me, the other was honest, which I appreciate).

      • Thank you! I’m kinda of two minds about it, but the fact that she’s so urgent with it is kinda making me wanna say no? I dunno.
        But definitely, I don’t wanna ghost her because I know that’s a shitty thing to do. It’s kinda weird here because apparently Tinder is used a lot by straight girls for friendships in Japan? Like, they don’t necessarily know it’s a dating app.
        So… I may be stressed for nothing, who knows!

  32. I recently found out that I’ve been accepted into grad school – the chemistry PhD program at Notre Dame (which is why this is confusing as to if I should be excited?) It’s a really well regarded program, but I am concerned as to how Catholic the school is (which is a lot?).

    I’m sort of in the half closet now, in blue-as-it-gets Massachusetts, so I dunno how I would handle a Catholic university in Indiana. I’m scared that I would spend the next 5-7 years being closeted and alone. I have heard that its not as bad for grad students, but idk?

    I’m just hoping some of my other schools come through I guess…

  33. I literally have no where else or no one else to put this to so I figure since you’re all so positive maybe it’ll rub off on me. The last couple weeks have be absolute hell and I feel foolish that I can’t get over someone. Apparently someone can tell you they love and and then go behind your back with their ex the entire time you’ve been dating, lie to your face about it and then decide that they can’t be in a relationship with you, all right before your birthday. I know I should be immediately repulsed and be grateful she’s left my life after the lies and knowing that her ex who is with a guy and also on okc looking for women, was so necessary for her to have in her life that she would just terminate me so easily. I haven’t really cared about someone as much as I had for her in years even though I dated people and thought I cared about them.

    I think if dating were somehow easier than having literally no matches on any dating site, or if you start talking to someone they obviously have to disappear within a day, I might not keep thinking about her. But, I digress. How do you stop missing someone who basically slapped you in the face after all the kindness and love you gave? I know I should just snap out of it and I just can’t and it’s kind of messing me up.

    Anyway, I guess I just needed to put this somewhere because all I keep doing is asking myself how she could tell me she loved me when it appears that it was all a lie. She only wanted someone else the whole time.

    • Hi! We see you! Big consensual internet hugs.

      Okay so: I am a big fan of pouring oneself into media! Everyone is different, but for me, after medium-pain breakups, I watch positive tv shows like Steven Universe. But for the Big Bad Blackheart Breakups, I go all in and watch horror movies. Because they’re all-consuming, I feel an emotion other than the pain of the break-up, and they rarely have romance in them!

      Then there’s nighttime. At night I listen to audiobooks. Something totally mindless and aromantic, like the novels I loved when I was a kid, Little Women or Anne of Green Gables or Harry Potter, preferably something read aloud in a British accent.

      Then there’s work time. I read Autostraddle. :-D

      And it’s so awful. But over time it’s got to get less awful. So what we’re doing in triage, in these first few weeks and months, are passing time until it feels different, right? YOU CAN DO THIS. We live in the age of Netflix and Audible and Mario Run. This is possible!

      Oh and maybe stay off Facebook because that is the worst.

      Ok, hugs, we are here!


      • Thank you. It means a lot and I am trying to bury myself in Westworld at the moment haha.

    • I feel you.
      It’s ok not to be ok. At least you’re a sentient human being and what happened to you hurts and is bad.
      And you will think about her, and it’s good because it means you’re not emotionally decrepit.
      Hurting and having been hurt doesn’t mean it’s your fault or you’re the fool for feeling shitty about someone who is so obviously not worthy of your pain or turning you into this mess you’re feeling like. Hurting and having been hurt just means you need to be extra nice to yourself and do things for yourself and in spite of the pain.
      Hang out with friends, go to a movie, enjoy the bubble bath, anything.
      That getting under someone to be getting over someone thing usually just reopens the cut, so, you know, maybe take it easy for a while.
      If all fails, you’re welcome to join the Jaded Black Hearts Club.
      We wear leather jackets and are cool as hell.

  34. So I turn 24 on Sunday. Which means I’m kind of in my mid-20s. Which… yikes.

    But also, I honestly never believed I’d make it past high school, never mind graduating university and getting an Adult Job and, well, turning 24. I didn’t come out to myself for a very long time, and it led to some hideous depression that very nearly killed me. To know that I’ve largely gotten past that is pretty incredible and surreal. Wish I could go back in time and tell 14-year-old me how things have turned out.

    Sorry this took a weird turn, I’m just in an introspective mood *shrugs*

    • We’re glad you’re here!

      I also didn’t come out to myself for quite a while, until I was 23 and a half. Suddenly I could imagine parts of the middle of my life that had been a big blank space between whatever age I was and my childhood dream of being a grey-haired spinster aunt in a cabin in New Mexico. Now I’m 26 and a couple of grey hairs closer to that (still no nieces or nephews, since my siblings are all younger). At what age can I start to call myself a spinster? It doesn’t matter as much anymore, since I can imagine so much now for adult me. So anything I live now is so much better than what I could imagine for this part of my life when I was 14, since I couldn’t (or maybe just didn’t?) ever imagine it.

      To dreams! To life!

    • Happy birthday for Sunday!
      Birthdays always make me turn kinda introspective too. It’s like your personal New Year, right?!
      But man, relating so hard to your thoughts. Seconding the sentiment of glad you’re here, glad you made it!

  35. This is my third time commenting. I’m just trying to become comfortable in my gayness, so I’m here and I have no idea what I am doing. This election is extremely stressful, the only time I feel okay is when I think about being with a butch girl who loves my femmeness in the quiet of the night.

  36. Hi Rachel! Thanks for inviting us into this lovely FOT you’ve created. I’m listening to cbc radio 3, drinking red wine, and tomorrow I have a hang out with a super cool human that I like at a kitty cafe. Life is good <3

  37. This week has been the best week in a long time! I still feel pretty crappy, but now there is a reason for feeling crappy! I was a pelvic pain specialist who was just super great in general and she agrees with me that it’s pretty likely I have endometriosis, and that that could be contributing to my pain which is definitely being caused by pelvic floor dysfunction. She was also super great about me being trans and her office has multiple options for pronouns other than she/her and he/him??? Like that was pretty rad. And it’s pretty awesome that she is also someone who does a lot of hystos for trans folks and would totally be willing to do a hysto and support me pursuing that, which yes please get this organ of suffering out of my body thanks (like I wouldn’t really care about having a uterus and menstruating other than pregnancy risk if it didn’t cause me debilitating pain during menstruation and then just sometimes randomly for funsies too). So I have a referral to see a pelvic PT specialist that will hopefully help with a lot of my pain and I won’t require more invasive stuff.

    And I also had the first round of trigger point therapy where they inject lidocane and (sometimes, in my case yes) steroids into muscles to get them from stop tensing all the time and it seems to be helping a bit? Which is really great! Though since it’s the first time with it, there’s no way to predict how long it will help.

    The only major bad thing that happened is evidently I’m allergic to either the prep or the electrode gel that was used for my sleep study and now I’ve got a punch of inflamed and gross looking and REALLY ITCHY spots on my face and my scalp, and the scalp especially is annoying bc I’ve got too much dang hair to get the steroid cream that I got prescribed on it easily.

  38. Hey queermos!

    So yesterday was my birthday and it started with a lot of birthday feelings. I generally have had really shitty birthdays and so I was kind of preemptively upset at my birthday sucking, but then it didn’t suck, so I was fine. I had this thing at work where basically I sat around and talked about books all day which was awesome and then they sang to me – very off key – and then all my people took me out for drinks and we discussed all the things and generally had a good time. I came home to my mother’s birthday present having arrived and was pretty hardcore expecting it to be terrible because that’s usually the case… but it wasn’t! She bought me a sketch book and 2 fancy coloring books because apparently she IS capable of listening to me when I talk. Occasionally. Who knew.

    Today I went with my roommate to IKEA where I spent too much money on a new desk and chair and drawer set so that I now have a really nice looking office set up where I am going to write this fucking book this year. So that was good except now I’m exhausted from hauling super heavy shit up 3 flights of stairs.

    Also also. I discovered this podcast called Broadway Backstory and each episode focuses on how a particular musical went from being an idea to an actual thing. The 3rd Episode is about Fun Home. The most recent is about the Deaf West’s Revival production of Spring Awakening and it was so fantastically amazing. If you like musical theater you must check it out.

  39. I haven’t commented on an open thread in a while, but I thought I would since I am feeling kind of gloomy lately and I really like reading everyone’s comments. Honestly though, I’ve decided that this is the year I’m going to come out to my mom, but everytime I think about it I panic. I’m almost 29 and I live 2 hours away, so I either have to make a special trip there to tell her or decide which holiday to ruin. Telling her on the phone doesn’t seem like an option. And I don’t think she’ll be mad I’m gay, but she’s definitely going to be mad when she figures out she’s the last person to know. So that’s what’s going on in my life right now, other than obsessing over “One Day At a Time” of course.

    • I came out to my mum on the phone, for what it’s worth. She got over it. I think it’s fine. Good luck!

  40. Trying to get my life together a little bit at a time and it’s agonizingly slow and it feels like one step forward three steps back but I’m still trying
    This week has been a struggle because my best friend who’s been living with my family for the past few months is… not exactly a great roommate and the situation’s coming to a head with the family, but she’s also the only friend I have right now, so. That’s where I’m at right now.

  41. Heya,
    I hope you’re having a nice week-end!
    I feel like this week my brain gave me mixed signals all the time about my well-being?? Like, on one hand, I feel extremely motivated and loved, and also, when last week we went onto the streets to protest some Nazi-inspired racist assholes (which I plan to do again, today, since unfortunately they think it’s racist season again), I felt really alive (also annoyed by the racists, obviously, but it felt good to shout in anger and frustration in the cold with other angry people). and I am developing new projects with new amazing people. So, this is like the “good”. But, at the same time, I feel really depressed, like, more than usual. But I always compare it to “darker times”, and also, I feel lke I’ve been through so much, so why should I consider breaking down now?? Why is it that my family notices just now that I cry a lot and have break-downs every three days? I think that’s kinda the worst part, bc to me, this constant depressed state has become normal and I am able to live with it, to find joy on the good days. Meanwhile, my mom blames herself for my depression, compares me to her severely depressed mother who traumatized her, tells me that she feels like she failed being a good mom my whole life, because I’m never happy, and that my happiness, when I find it, is artificial. So now, I feel really angry but also REALLY fucking guilty for making my mom feel this way, and I’m wondering if I really am this depressed or if what my mom said just made me more depressed than I really am and I am hallucinating that I am getting worse?? Aah. So, that was my week.
    Love you,

  42. I have been knitting a scarf for my gf and preparing for a cosplay convention next weekend! Very excited to hang out with my nerd pals!

  43. oh also, my German feminist magazine subscription (Missy Magazine”, namely a “magazine for pop culture, politics and feminism” finally arrived and it is SO good.

  44. This past week was spent teaching Miss Kitty Fantastico (the 10-12 week old stray kitten that moved into one of our outbuildings a month ago) to use a litter box, in anticipation of bringing her fully inside. I say “teach”, but what I mean is that we put a litter box over the small sandy patch where she was already “going” and she took to it like a duck takes to water. Yesterday was spent introducing her to the kitchen, which is where she’ll be staying until we trust the dogs to leave her alone under supervision.

    She’s getting so spoiled. We even bought her “cat milk”, which is just stupidly overpriced low-lactose milk (alas, the cheaper human variety cannot be found here in rural France), because it breaks my heart how she frantically searches my jumper for a teat sometimes, especially given that the vet thinks she might not have been 100% weaned when she arrived. That stupid milk is her favourite thing ever.

    Other than that… work stuff, a head cold and some mood-induced insomnia spent playing with a kitten.

  45. Oh oh oh I forgot to say;


    I’m seeing them on Feb 14th; Valentines gaaaay.

  46. Bad vibes. This just made me so angry and sad that I had to share with someone. I was looking for feminist and lgbt podcasts in Italian when I came upon an “are you bisexual” test for a women’s psychology and family site, apparently designed by a psychologist. The possible results range from “not bisexual” to “probably bisexual”.

    Questions include:

    Have you ever continued a heterosexual romantic relationship even after realising you’re not fully satisfied?

    Does having sexual dreams about women worry you?

    Do you sometimes feel that your sexual orientation is inadequate?

    Were you molested by an adult during your childhood or teens?

    Has a partner ever worried or complained about your sexuality?

    Do your sexual desires sometimes make you feel bad?

    Have your ideas about sex ever caused you family problems?

    Have you ever sought help because you don’t like having sexual fantasies you keep having?

    Have you ever had to make yourself want to have sex with your man?

    Have you ever had multiple relationships at the same time?

    Do you think that maybe you’re fantasising about women to escape from your everyday problems?

    Do you ever feel depressed after having sex with your man?

    Do they even know what “bisexuality” is???

    • Wow, I love how precisely none of these things have anything to do with bisexuality. So I’m guessing that no, they don’t even know what “bisexuality” is. ;)

      The only question that I got any amusement out of was, “Do you think that maybe you’re fantasizing about women to escape from your everyday problems?” Yes, probably, but I fantasize about all sorts of things to escape from my everyday problems, ranging from becoming a rock star to having a nuclear explosion go off somewhere in the world to being back in China to having to take out a crazed gunman who bursts into the store I’m shopping at using only merchandise from the kitchen section. And let’s not even get started on how my fiction gets written…so yes, encounters with gorgeous ladies are on the list of things I fantasize about to forget about where I am and what I’m doing, right up there with “having Wolverine claws”.

      • According to this test there was “zero chance” that I’m bisexual. Apparently I enjoy sex with men too much, don’t feel nearly distraught enough about my sexual attraction to women, and was sexually assaulted much too late in life.

        Ooo, claws would be nice! Alas, I think that question was there because they had one result that was basically “no, you’re just a straight lady who likes to think about naked ladies sometimes for funsies”.

    • Now, YMMV on the new series “Emerald City”, but the Wicked Witch of the West, simply called West here, is bisexual. I’m not sure if she’s tropish though. She fits into the “Promiscuous Bisexual” trope, but it seems like it may go deeper. She takes drugs, is promiscuous, and engages in self-destructive behavior because, apparently, she’s attempting to drown out other things. She’s a witch, and she says that magic is a far worse drug than the opium that she’s addicted to. I feel that she’s more complex than the simple trope.

      I would, however, appreciate other’s view on the subject.

  47. Happy Friday! Milo Yiannopoulos was invited to speak at my university by the college republicans club (boooo) but a couple hundred protesters showed up, blocked the entrance to the auditorium, and the event got cancelled. Goodbye neo-Nazism, hello college activists!
    I just finished the first week of the quarter and I’m thinking it’ll be a good quarter because i don’t have class on Fridays and I’m taking a lit, sexuality and gender class that seems very cool. The professor has Sleater-Kinney posters in her office. I might have a smallish crush on her already.
    It is pouring rain here, but only every other day. We get cold but sunny winter in between days of rain that floods basement classrooms and closes roads.
    ALSO, I went exploring downtown, thrifted a black cashmere sweater, and found a very cool record store where I scored “Sounds of Silence” by Simon & Garfunkel for like five bucks. But wait, there’s more! I told the guy I’ve been looking for “Blue” by Joni Mitchell forever but I can never find it used, and he found a copy in the back that he insisted on giving me FOR FREE because he said it might be ruined. It plays perfectly.
    Vinyl! Thrifting! Anti-fascist action! Teacher crushes! what a good week, y’all.

    • My partner is at a UC school and she said people there protested against the tour and they cancelled it!

    • That’s excellent news he was blocked, because he recently picked on and essentially told people to harass a trans woman who went to the college. Even when people protested the school(it was in Wisconsin I think) and said he will do stuff like this, the school said let’s hear him out. Ugh

      Also, great news about your teach and music find!

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