The Comment Awards Are Selling Their Soul for That Jasika Nicole Hallmark Christmas Movie

Hello friends! Listen: I just BAKED a PEAR, and maybe you didn’t realize that was something you could do, you can just HALVE a PEAR in a glass dish and bake it at 400 degrees until the sugar is bubbling out of it and caramelizing, and you can drizzle balsamic over that whole thing and eat it with brie, and I think you should! I think you should go do that right this minute.

This week in celebrity news, Atypical star Brigette Lundy-Paine came out as non-binary, and Lena Waithe got married!!

Drew saw Portrait of a Lady on Fire and wrote this absolutely gorgeous review.

The new L Word: Generation Q trailer is out, and I WAS NOT PREPARED for what looks like a relationship between Alice and Stephanie Allynne’s character, Nat!

Malic’s going to help you get kinky on a budget.

Idk, this was just, somehow, everything: Warning: Someone’s Body.

In the second installment of Trans Radiance, Abeni wrote about the love and care that goes into – and comes out of – sharing food.

Kayla loved the new Charlie’s Angels, and so! did! I!

And then there were your comments.


On NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Will Never Settle:

The Prescient Presents Award to Juno and Carolyn Yates:

I’m deeply disturbed that you know I was considering sexting with my ex. 👀

On Alice Preps For Seven-Minute Sex In New “L Word: Generation Q” Trailer:

The Practical Magic Award to Gem:

I gotta say, if you wanna have sex in six minutes, you should not spend the first 4.5 minutes unbuttoning all the buttons in both of your dresses which are both buttoned all the way to the chin. Just my humble opinions on quickies and buttons.

On Also.Also.Also: Chick-fil-A Is So Tired of This Shit, Will Stop Supporting Anti-LGBTQ Orgs, Please Clap:

The Christmas Switch Award to Avery:

I would sell my soul on Etsy to help fund a Jasika Nicole, queer, Hallmark movie.

On You Need Help: Getting Kinky On A Budget:

The Hero We Deserve Award to Snow:

Being broke and kinky made me get creative with dollar store dog collars and thrift store belts, progressing to scrap leather and few simple tools, then working at an actual leather shop, and ending up going vegan and creating a whole business built on non-leather kinky shit. It’s a journey!

On No Filter: Jacqueline Toboni and Kassandra Clementi Are Going Out In Blazers of Glory:

The Synchronicity Award to Chandra:

Truly though there are enough plunging necklines here to start a synchronized swim team

On Pop Culture Fix: Kristen Stewart Truly Out-Gays Herself Eating Hot Sauce With the Other “Charlie’s Angels” IRL:

The Titled Goose Game Award to Sally:

Misread front page blurb as saying “Dolly Parton Goose Game.” Now mildly devastated this isn’t a thing.

And on The New “Charlie’s Angels” Delivers Fights, Fashion, and Friendship:

The Tinder? I Barely Know Her Award to Amanda ling:

“You swiped right, I’M YOUR GIRLFRIEND NOW” was absolutely a written joke and it almost made me download tinder it was so great. Like, the movie was good but that line was GREAT


See a comment that needs to be here? Tag me and let me know! I’m [at] queergirl.


Before you go! It takes funding to keep this publication by and for queer women and trans people of all genders running every day. We will never put our site behind a paywall because we know how important it is to keep Autostraddle free. But that means we rely on the support of our A+ Members. Still, 99.9% of our readers are not members. A+ membership starts at just $4/month. If you’re able to, will you join A+ and keep Autostraddle here and working for everyone?

Join A+

Queer Girl is your number one fan. She's a fat feminist from California who doodles hearts in the corners of her Gay Agenda. She's working on a children's book, she's on Twitter, and she thinks you should drink more water! She also wants to make you laugh.

queer has written 226 articles for us.

102 Comments

  1. Thank you QG for recognising my grievance against the lack of a Dolly Parton Goose Game (btw Snow had an excellent comeback to that).

    I re-read the post excerpt again today and STILL read it as Dolly Parton Goose Game so I think it’s gonna happen I just need to be patient.

  2. Handing a note to my work that says qg told me I could go bake a pear rn

  3. I agreed with Gem’s unbuttoning thought except then I remembered how my best friend unlaced me and honestly it was better than any sex I had till I discovered I was gay.

    Friends – she then ran her fingers over my back and pre-aware-of-my-sexuality me almost DIED

    • THIS is why I love helping people into and out of corsets

        • Ah HA! So that is your real personal actual useful dress form in your photo! That’s fucking awesome. Any more pictures of stuff you’ve made?

          • Just throwing a wench into the comments

          • Aaand some fae content…actually for a burlesque number I did

          • This is baby me in a college project. All hand-sewn.

          • Oh my heck those WINGS

            Phenomenal!

            I greatly appreciate the bunny

            And is that your studio workspace? Niiiice

          • Here’s just one more of my many Burleska corsets, in luscious purple satin
            Putting a crescent wench in the works with that spike ring

          • Ok wait though now I’m picturing a Snaelle fairy corset with some custom Snow accessories and I think this has to happen

          • Haha yes…I trained as and used to be a costume maker for film and theatre. I’ll dig out some photos after work!

          • One day all of us will meet at a party/pride/red carpet event, and y‘all will look like fabulous fae, while I’m going to be wearing a bunch of Hogwarts robes.

          • Just gonna slip in a picture of one of my favorite corsets: my unlicensed Hello Kitty Burleska 22″! Seen here as part of my Hello Kitty Nurse getup. Sanrio made Burleska destroy most of these, so it’s pretty special.

            I’d be down for some back stroking after being tied up in here for a few hours…

          • See I knew my productive day would get derailed in this comment section somehow

          • @amidola but with a corset underneath, right?

          • And how many robes is a BUNCH of Hogwarts robes?

          • I wear mine with suspenders because I insist on being different

          • Chandra suspenders are an entirely different item in the UK!

          • Those would be braces

          • To me the leg straps are garters, and braces conjure orthodontics 🤷

          • Braces here are also tooth braces. A garter is a frilly thing that goes round your upper thigh

          • Which are retainers in America? As opposed to servants..

          • In my vernacular:

            A garter – frilly thing around the thigh
            Garter belts – attach a corset to stockings
            Braces – cemented to the teeth
            Retainer – removable plastic thing worn after braces come off

          • Is wand of shitposting a new anal toy?

          • That would be Log of Shit Spraying and now I feel bad

    • I do hope your friend took longer than a minute,though!
      Also, wow, what a story!

      • Ok, I’m seeing A robe, and maybe half a bunch of bananas, so would the rest of the robe bunch be on your back or?

        Dortmund looks pretty fun! Red carpet ready indeed!

    • Lex

      Oh no stays my ultimate weakness.
      Corset are always lovely but stays are just sublime.

    • All of you are so creative and dreamy

      I just remembered I have a similar story – I wore that corset to an event with a crush and while on the dance floor, she decides to fix the piece of folded fabric that has left a gap between the hooks, so she slides her hand up the front and then runs it slowly back down my abdomen. It took me completely by surprise and I couldn’t speak for a few moments

      • Ahem please remember that those folded fabric bits are called Modesty Panels, and behave accordingly
        .
        .
        .

        So funny thing, my phone corrected accordingly to arousingly and well phone

        PHONE

          • Not really related, but I had a dream that I performed with a drag king who went by the name Collin Peril and for some reason I thought that was the funniest thing but also that’s my new name for my phone

          • Very fitting. It would certainly put your calls in peril if your sentient phone started dropping suggestive words in at unexpected moments

      • Commenting fail sigh

        @snowfell that was my old home ~ my new place is all in purples and deep blues, suffice to say I appreciate the purple corset deeply, and you may need to hold onto it if I’m around…

        @amidola yessss! Love this photo. The outfit, the attitude…perfect!

        @gunna-see-the-light Ohhhh you evil temptress I am trying hard to resist an in-depth discussion of stays vs corset, and changes in fashion terminology

        In short, you’re all fantabulous and this is my heaven, I’ll be on my fainting chaise longue, someone please loosen my stays

        • It’s a good thing I’m handy with knots

          Untying them, I mean, of course

          • I’m knotty with hands, so yes, and also I have hands, hello.
            *Putting the knee in the small of the back for extra leverage*

        • Oh my! I am quite undone by these offers of assistance.

          Overcome, even.

          • It’s a good thing everyone’s behaving modestly of course, because it wouldn’t do for me to swoon atop the swooner

          • An overcome pile of swoont

            Oh that sounds dirty 🙀

            But Pile of Swoont is my new band name😼

          • Now that would make for an album cover, you with one 9-inch platform stiletto boot resting atop a pile of corseted courtiers

          • Bring forth the swoont and collapsed courtiers, that I may set my chunk-heeled boot upon them and stand ever so imperiously over the pile

          • How do you magically produce a costume for literally every possible scenario

          • With my magic but very naughty Wand of Shitposting!

          • As @amidola said, layering.

            There’s…layers within this comment.

          • Lay… ‘er…. in… G.

            Hmmm, yes indeed Holmes

            🧐

          • That’s not the Magic Wand I’m most familiar with but I’ll take it

          • …irl I sign my name as “G”. …

            Please note I’m not trying to appropriate this comment – I’m happy to share…

          • I’d this the wand you’re looking for?

            /Just one of several bins of retail goodness for my shop – pussy not included

          • So many to choose from!

          • I’m not sure where this comment will land but I hope it’s beneath the picture of what I hope to get under my Xmas tree this year.

            …. of course I’m referring to the wonderful collection of toys, but tbh the corsets and the robes and the riding crops are moving right to the top of my list so, yeah, any of those would be most welcome to stroke – I mean, at the stroke of midnight.

          • @deli-twotone I hope all your Christmas wishes come true and you find yourself unwrapping whatever might be in your dreams!

          • That box is really just the tip! Uh the smallest fraction of my goods. If there’s something you’ve been dreaming about, slide me a DM and I’ll try to hook you up. I may even see my way into giving a discount for the straddle fam…..

          • Ok, no idea where this comment is going to alight, but the biggest lesson I got from this thread is:Get a corset, prepare to have random erotic moments.
            And Snow, I‘m deeply disappointed that you’re posting a pic of your toy collection and some of your finery, but zero of any kitchen appliances.

          • *waits for @snowfell to reply to @amidola‘s comment with pics of wooden spoons and silicone spatulas*

            Also, wait…are you up terribly early or terribly late amidola?

          • Ok @amidola, amidola ok! Here’s what I often have for breakfast, as seen in a full size Vitamix blender. That’s almost two liters of pure fiber; enough to kill three ordinary Americans.

            Next time I’ll maybe show my air fryer, pressure cooker, or Kitchen Aid mixer!

          • @snaelle Busted! I went out last night.
            Let it be noted that Mr. Gin and Mr. Tonic just simply are not friends of mine.
            @snowfell The Kitchen Aid! Now you’re talking dirty!
            I have a juicer the size of half my kitchen, I really feel the juice/smoothie/shake love.

          • Have I mentioned I own a fancy Japanese tofu press

            Wait I own TWO tofu presses!

            IMPRESSIVE

          • Was it a twofu one deal

          • Soya think you can im-press us, @snowfell? We’re going to have to cook up a way to implement some kind of restraints for you, otherwise it’ll just be a recipe for disaster…

          • The traditional wood block press was a gift from an aunt, but the high-tech press that doubles as a marinade dish was a gift to myself. I uh I also have a soy milk making device which I should really use more often

        • Snow you already hooked in me in with your first tofu press, no need to throw your second at me yet!

  4. “oh look, Amanda tried not to spoil this kick ass line if some queers haven’t seen Charlie’s Angels yet, LET’S FIVE IT AN AWARD SO EVERYONE SEES IT”

    JK, I love you and baked pears QG

  5. A soul allegedly weighs 21 grams. Might help me reach my weight loss goal. Plus, I’d get to see a queer Christmas at Hallmark. So, selling my soul really would be the gift that keeps on giving.

    • There’s a coffee shop at an old cemetery in my town, called 21 grams.
      Thought you‘d want to know!

        • It definitely is for mine. And probably mostly due to the fact that the growling and hissing I‘m prone to communicate with prior to coffee isn’t good for karma points.

Contribute to the conversation...

Yay! You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by!