You Need Help: Getting Kinky On A Budget

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Q:

My girlfriend and I have been discussing how our sex life (although very healthy and really pleasurable) has become a little bit boring for us. We are a little stuck trying to figure out some options to make our wonderfully vanilla lesbian sex lives a little bit kinkier without breaking the bank. Any recommendations?

A:

You’re in luck — kinky sex requires nothing but two (or more) bodies and a little imagination. Try these techniques on their own or in combination for a free sexual adventure.

+ Change locations: Do you and your girlfriend usually have sex in a bed? Try having sex on the floor, in the shower, against the wall or on the kitchen counter. A simple change in scenery can make sex a lot more exhilarating.

+ Dirty Talk: There’s a simple formula for dirty talk — say what you’re about to do (“I can’t wait to run my tongue over your nipples”), say what you’re doing (“You feel so good under my fingers”) or say what you just did (“Did you like it when I teased you with my mouth?”). If you’re the creative type, share an erotic fantasy while you’re having sex. Ask your girlfriend to tell you what she thinks about when she masturbates. Fantasize together about literally anything and take it as far as you can go. Maybe you’re fucking in the rain on a mossy forest floor. Maybe you’re making out on the moon while a bunch of aliens who look exactly like Tilda Swinton watch. Whatever makes y’all hot.

+ Spanking: Use your hand or take the sting up a notch with a hairbrush or a wooden spoon. Make sure you study up on spanking safety first.

+ Blindfolding: I bet you already own a bandana or a sleep mask. Taking away your sight enhances the rest of your senses, which helps some folks stay more present in their bodies during sex.

+ Bondage: You don’t need flashy leather handcuffs to enjoy bondage. You can tie wrists or ankles together or to a bed frame with bandanas or scarves. We don’t always know how our bodies or minds will respond to being physically restrained, so make sure that you and your sweetie establish a safe word first. Take bondage to the next level by investing in some rope and learning basic Shibari.

+ Porn: Try watching some ethically produced queer porn together and get those creative juices flowing. The Crash Pad Series is a great place to start. If you’re not into buying a porn subscription, turn on your smart phone and make your own.


You can chime in with your advice in the comments and submit your own questions any time.

Malic White is a Chicago-based writer, comedian and actor. Follow Malic on Twitter and find upcoming shows on Malic's website.

Malic has written 7 articles for us.

7 Comments

  1. Being broke and kinky made me get creative with dollar store dog collars and thrift store belts, progressing to scrap leather and few simple tools, then working at an actual leather shop, and ending up going vegan and creating a whole business built on non-leather kinky shit. It’s a journey!

  2. Adding to the sensory deprivation of blind folding consider adding earphones/earbuds.

    But also consider making the music a part of the experience. For example you’re doing impact play make a playlist to match the build up, or just music intended to get the heart beating faster.

    And maybe 2 part safety code, you do your safeword and your partner acknowledges ASAP it by touching you in a very specific way that was decided upon before the removal process.

    Bondage/location change:
    Bend them over something, pull clothes down just enough for access and no further.
    Works like a hobble if they’re wearing the right clothes.

    Titled showers in winter are great place for a wee bit of temperature play if you got the space to run warm water and keep the business end out if the water.
    Then again you could always try body heat for the contrast if one is sensitive enough to temperature.

    A thing that might be a localism and hard for people outside of jambalaya country, a wooden cooking paddle.
    It’ll get more surface area than a spoon.

    If you date someone with a pull up bar go ahead and tie them or yourself to it but do NOT try to suspend anybody with it. The weight won’t be properly distributed like it is during a pull up or chin up.

    • Yeah big WHOAH to suspension without the proper equipment and training! Hanging by the wrist without proper support can permanently damage the nerves in your wrist very easily, and hanging by…. other body parts can go south even faster. I had a girl ask me to make her a suspension belt out of a five ring bondage belt. I told her it would need to have thigh straps to be any kind of safe, and she’d be better off getting a real climbing rig, but she just wanted to get strung up on a regular bondage belt. I turned down the commission. Safety first, ya’ll.

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