Glee Episode 603 Recap: To Infinity And Beyond

Previously on Glee, The Original New Directions returned to Lima, OH to coach various show choirs and mend their broken hearts. Rachel’s heart was broken because her TV show flopped. Blaine’s heart was broken because Kurt broke up with him. Kurt’s heart was broken because he broke up with Blaine (and also Blaine started dating Karofsky). Sue’s heart was not broken because the place inside Sue’s chest where her heart should be is just a series of intricate nuts and bolts and wires because Sue is the former robot president of the planet Dunamis and she is slowly learning what it means to be a human on the earth through the power of song.

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Kurt, no! You can’t give yourself a sports almanac from the future! You’ll rip up the space-time continuum!

 

At the world’s only sheet music store, Blaine and Kurt bump into each other while looking for the soundtrack to Smash. Karofsky is there too, wrapping his arm around little Boo-Boo Warbler, talking about how he’s trying to help Blaine plan for Sectionals but you can’t get this guy off Broadway or even off Off-Broadway. Kurt manages not to throw up this time, looking at those two guys touching each other, but he does spiral into a maudlin performance of Carole King‘s “It’s Too Late,” which her performs with his former self and Blaine’s former self and also Blaine’s current self, while flipping through photos of the Good Ol’ Days.

(Does anyone over the age of 25 hear Carole King and not think about Gilmore Girls? I kept imagining Lorelai showing up and shaking Blaine like, “If you’re gonna throw your life away, he better have a motorcycle!”)

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Are you drinking a beer? Did you get that from Mr. Schue’s old office? If so, it explains a lot.

 

The next morning, Kurt and Rachel plot the weekly glee club lesson, and I must say: looking for music months prior to big events and planning lessons before class even starts is such a kangaroo-sized hop forward from Mr. Schue’s fly-by-the-seat-of-your-khakis brand of preparation that these four new kids whose names I will never remember (except for dear Jane, of course), might actually have a chance at winning … whichever of the choir competitions comes first. Sectionals? Regionals? Provincials? Factionals? Oh, man, you know what would have made this show one hundred times better? If it was called Factionals and it was about these warring factions of teenagers who compete against each other in singing and dancing and hand-to-hand combat. Like High School Musical meets Mortal Kombat. Sue could have taken over New Directions and, finally, Quinn could have had the heroic storyline she deserved!

Kurt wants to do Carole King’s Tapestry album this week, because of breakup feelings but Rachel says if they’re going to do heartbreak albums it should be something more modern, like Alanis Morisette‘s Jagged Little Pill, which, according to my calculations, was probably released the year Rachel was born? So, “modern.” Kurt and Rachel decide to do mash-ups instead of fighting with each other about who is right. For now.

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Sorry I’m late, I’ve been runnin’ all over hell’s half acre like a one-legged cat in a sandbox!

 

In the football field house, Sam is ironing jock straps when Coach Bieste storms in and starts yelling at everyone and throwing out those bizarro colloquialisms we’ve grown to know and love. Like something about how you can bake a pie with rhubarb but you can’t eat the moon? Beiste is cool with Sam but rageful at Postmodern Gay, who thinks he deserves the start as QB1 this week, but Beiste thinks he deserves to get eaten by a pack of wolves. It’s all very erratic and troubling and after Beiste is gone, Sam, who has spent the last ten minutes using the reflective surface of the iron to fix his hair, says it’s a tough break because Postmodern Gay is a majestic knight on a unicorn and deserves a shot.

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And that’s why, even though she is obviously a musical genius, we should not allow Alanis Morissette to be our role model when it comes to defining the word “ironic.”

 

The real majestic knights on a unicorns, however, are the Unholy Trinity’s faces on her heads, and they have returned this week in all their effusive glory to judge Kurt and Rachel so hard for their first attempt at teaching glee club together. What Kurt and Rachel try to explain is: Choose Tapestry or Jagged Little Pill and then perform a mash-up with someone who picked the other album. But what happens is: They talk over and around each other about Reese’s Pieces and sandwiches and how the true splendor of New Directions is that you get to play inside the full spectrum of musical history. The children look confused; they thought the true splendor of New Directions was about playing inside the full spectrum of queer sexuality. But okay. They also look confused because all the grown-up people from last week are still lounging around in their old high school choir room.

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Keep calm and remember we’re still better than you.

 

Brittany explains it away by saying she can bend time and space with her mind, which: seems as valid as any other plotline on Glee.

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Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior writer who lives in New York City with her partner, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 1040 articles for us.

32 Comments

  1. Bieste’s coming out pissed me off. As a transperson, I’m tired of cis writers and actors just getting it wrong, trying to oversimplify trans experience to make cis folk understand.

    Gender identity is far more than “who you want to go to bed as”. It isn’t sexual, it’s personal, it’s social, it’s an all-encompassing facet of identity. Sex is such a small part of what makes up a person. Gay people struggled for a long time to be seem as more than just their sexuality, now they throw the same crap out there for trans people. Leave it to Ryan Murphy to get it wrong again, just like he did in Nip/Tuck and with Unique. What a wasted opportunity.

    While everyone is busy patting themselves on the back for being inclusive, they forgot to consult with actual transgender people. Again.

  2. I am beyond angry about Coach Bieste.

    Some people are trying to excuse their desire to be seen as a woman as just being deeply closeted, but the writers have completely erased one of their only good characters.

    As a trans guy, I myself went through a phase during which I tried to be as femme as possible. Being feminine was not important to Coach; they wanted to be accepted as a woman while still presenting in the way they liked. I do not see Coach Bieste as a trans man.

    This portrayal is also a bit toxic to the trans community, because it’s saying that all trans men were masculine when they were living as female and that all trans women presented femininely when they lived as men. This is not even sort of a thing. I’m nearly indistiguishable from my pre-coming out self, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love looking feminine, but I’m still a guy. I have several trans lady friends that present themselves in a butch fashion, and are proud of their strong features.

    It’s too early in the morning and I’m too sick to be this worked up.

  3. I went crazy literally everytime Quinn had a scene. I mean I wasn’t very crazy about her before bc Britanna but hot damn, I need her to be in my life forever and ever. Petition to have Dianna Agron her own show where she’ll sing and shimmy and be perfect and complete my life, please. Also, (I tweeted about this too) will somebody turn Quinn’s (sorta evil) laugh into a ringtone (when Sam told the club about her having sex with a Latina lesbian) bc I’m srsly up for that haha I gotta say, I gave up on Glee around S4 and didn’t see the entire S5 but so far I’ve liked S6 episodes. And I agree on your thoughts RE Coach Beiste – “They were a proud butch straight woman who then was turned into the stereotype that seems to be happening lately that butch or masculine of center women are just trans men.” THIS!

  4. Whoa, am I on the right website? I swear I PM’d HH on another lady-site about the wonders of faberry back in the day. Happy that these recaps (on any site) still have A familiar voice behind them even though I haven’t kept up with the show in ages.

  5. 1. I love when you write about your girlfriend.

    2. I’m glad they gave Becky a storyline, but I hate how they write her. It’s like she’s a puppet or a cartoon character. We’re supposed to think it’s hilarious that she curses and knocks things over, but why? Are they trying to show that people with DS can curse and be emotional like “normal” people? Because to me it feels like we’re meant to laugh AT her, not with her, and it rubs me the wrong way.

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