Autostraddle’s Masters Of Sex Cure Month Experience Week 3: Get Naked and Ask Questions

feature image via shutterstock

It can be hard to set aside the time to think critically about your sex life, both with activity partners and alone. This month, Autostraddle’s Masters of Sex Cure Month Experience will help you make that time.

We’ll lay down the week’s assignments each Monday for the rest of this month. Each week will have assignments that will be for just you and some that will be more effective if you do them with an activity partner (though you can do almost everything either alone or with one or more partners! Follow your arrow.). They’ll all work together to help you feel more centred in your sex life, no matter what it looks like, and to make positive changes both during the month and after it.

If you’re just starting now, welcome! It isn’t too late to catch up — last week we talked about masturbating every day for a week, y/n/m lists, cleaning your sex toys and finding new porn. If you’ve been here a while, congratulations on making it this far! You are basically a sex deity now.

Visit the comment thread each week for moral support. You can also address questions to @autostraddle on Twitter. Here we go!

Autostraddle’s Masters of Sex Cure Month Experience: Week 3

Be Naked Alone

bra free for now, bra free forever

bra free for now, bra free forever

Sometimes the best way to feel comfortable in your body is to spend a lot of time alone with it with no barriers. Obviously masturbating naked is great, but spend at least three hours this week moving around whatever space you can — your own house, or your room with the door closed — totally and completely naked. Lock the door and close the windows and put electrical tape over your webcam if you need to but get into your space and take your clothes off. Complete small routine tasks. Check your email. Check you out in that mirror over there, damn you look good.

(If your house is really cold you can wear knee socks with slippers or winter boots inside or whatever you need to make this not terrible, but try to be as naked as possible. And if you sit on shared or hard-to-clean surfaces, put down a towel first.)

Sex Shop Field Trip

these will last me all week!

these will last me all week!

Hanging out in a quality feminist sex shop — even, and sometimes especially, if you don’t intend to buy anything — can be a great way to see what’s out there in terms of toys and information, and an even better way to get comfortable talking about sex.

There are several reasons to head to a shop in person rather than sticking to one online.

Whether or not you’re making a purchase, many stores have toys sitting out and charged so you can see how they look, feel and work in person. This is useful if you’re buying and fun if you’re not. Many stores have items in stock that differ from what appears on their websites, and books and info guides to flip through.

But most importantly, you can ask sales staff questions, which if you are shy about talking about sex is great practice. Sex-positive sex shops are a safe environment for asking total strangers you could never see again questions about sex, or their opinion on toys, or whether they know of a book on [thing]. They’re also great because, generally, it feels more embarrassing to not ask questions than to ask them.

If you really truly cannot get to a sex shop — not just that you don’t want to or it would be inconvenient to, but you cannot for logistical reasons — you can have a friend over to talk about sex toys or look at sex toys online/read reviews together.

Talk About Three Things (And Do One Spontaneously)

this is much better than our original breakfast plans were

this is much better than our original breakfast plans

A lot of sex advice, including from me, will tell you that if you’re having a hard time making time for sex it’s okay to schedule it, and that you should always talk about anything you might want to try in advance. This is the case, but it’s also the case that sometimes you’re in a mood and you want to just go for it, whatever it is, without stopping to talk about it or making sure it fits both your schedules or whatever else.

For this bit of homework, you’re going to talk about three new things you want to try with your activity partner. Follow your established parameters for talking about sex, and make sure the environment feels safe for both of you. Talk through checking in with each other or any concerns you might have now.

Later in the week, try one of the things you discussed. Don’t plan ahead together — just go for it when the moment seems right. Get consent and stop if your activity partner tells you to but otherwise stop overthinking it or worrying about it and just do it together.

Research Something You’re Curious About

i've always wondered about wax play

i’ve always wondered about wax play

You know that thing you’ve always sort of wondered about or you weren’t sure about when you did your y/n/m list but you think might be neat? This is your excuse to finally learn more about it.

Bonus: Bring Your Friends On Your Sex Shop Field Trip

fun fact most "sex shop" stock photo results are just women making orgasm faces at shoes so here we are

fun fact most “sex shop” stock photo results are just women making orgasm faces at shoes so.

The only thing better than going to a sex shop by yourself is going to a sex shop with friends. I’ve already talked about how talking about sex with people you’re not trying to have sex with is great practice for talking about it with people you are, and either your friends know different things than you do about sex toys and you can share your knowledge, or you know about similar things and can learn more together. This is also just a really fun Saturday afternoon.


All images in this post via shutterstock.

Autostraddle’s Masters Of Sex Cure Month Experience is inspired by Apartment Therapy‘s January Cure.

Carolyn Yates is the NSFW Consultant, and was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor, for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She recently moved to Los Angeles from Montreal. Find her on twitter.

Carolyn has written 928 articles for us.

11 Comments

  1. It’s also a fun Saturday night, but sadly the shop I went to, while all employees I saw at the time are WOC, they sadly lacked any proper queer porn(nor were they familiar with crashpad or Courtney Trouble) or products. Though they did have vegan friendly stuff.

  2. For all you Edmonton, AB folks: The Travelling Tickle Trunk is a fabulous queer friendly, educational, and safe sex shop! They have workshops and information sessions as well as toys. Check that out.

    • Alex, first…how did you happen to be in Kenya?

      And, those gay Nairobians are a sneaky bunch……trying to make the world gay! hehe Pretty soon everyone will want a kitty and cuddle with their girlfriend! 🙂

  3. As a queer someone who works in a feminist sex shop, I can attest to this being a super good idea. THOUGH, when bringing friends, make sure you’re bringing the “right” friends (friends who will not pressure you into buying the most “ridiculous” thing they see, unless it truly is right for you). Other than that, I can’t speak for everyone who works in sex shops, feminist or otherwise, but I love it when people come in and ask lots of questions! Don’t be shy!

  4. One time at Pleasure Chest (NYC) a friend’s corset zipper got stuck so the shop person let us have some silicon lube to help her not be naked.

    Two thumbs up. (Babeland is my favorite, though, because of the awesome people who work there.)

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.