FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: It’s Friday the 13th!!!!

Happy Friday the 13th! It’s the unluckiest day of the year in the spookiest month!!!! FOR EXAMPLE: I just submitted a thesis proposal and was so stressed about writing it that I had 47 pages of notes for a 17 page document! Truly, the unluckiest I’ve ever been. I wanna sleep for seven years. You know what else is both spooky and unlucky? It’s been cooler in Austin, TX for the past week than it apparently has in New York City?? GLOBAL WARMING AHHHH!  And my son Alexei screaming in the night at invisible ghosts in my closet/on my bed/under my bed/in the bathroom cabinet?? It truly makes my nights both scary and unlucky.

Also, one of my favorite podcasts, Lore, is being made into an Amazon Prime show and you can go watch it right now, be spooked, and use an Autostraddle affiliate link and help us navigate the unluckiest part of Friday the 13th (and tbh everyday): CAPITALISM!!!!

What are your plans for this special time of year? How are you keeping yourself lucky? Do you know any good spells that will help you keep at least your normal amount of luck – and if so can you share them with me? Do you have any Friday the 13th tattoos planned?? Are you gonna take a trip up to the non-existing 13th floor of your office building? Maybe you ate 13 eggs for breakfast? That is terrifying. Please tell me everything. I wanna know all about it.

Love you, mean it!!!!

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Ari is a 20-something artist and educator. They are a mom to two cats, they love domesticity, ritual, and porch time. They have studied, loved, and learned in CT, Greensboro, NC, and ATX.

Ari has written 330 articles for us.


  1. What the what?? I’m the first to post? This is so exciting!

    I’ve been down with something that might be the flu, but most of my week has been away from work while I sleep on the couch and watch various movies. I recommend Phantom of the Paradise for being perfectly in season and for being so goddamn 70s.

    For anyone who is feeling unlucky, a confession. Warning for TMI. Since I’ve been down with this terrible flu-thing, I like to be nude around my house. It’s my house, after all. I remember one day, I was doing my thing and I went to the kitchen. I croucned down to check for something good to eat.

    I put too much trust into a fart.

    I really felt like I grew as a person that day since it was, weirdly, one of my greatest fears. But it happened and I tidied up, evenutally finding some mango and yogurt for myself. (I learned later from a friend who works in healthcare that such a thing happens a lot and no one talks about it)

    So, if you think things aren’t going your way, remember this: if you didn’t accidentially poop on your kitchen floor today, you’re probably doing okay.

    • I feel like you’ve conquered unluckiness. Everything after this event is a stroke of luck. You’ve used up all your bad luck, and to be able to do it in the privacy of your own home is a dream!

  2. Unluckly, my little sister has been home sick for two weeks…with a double infection…for the second time this year. At this pont we’re reasonably sure that she has an underlying immune system disorder. My mom and I seem to have been hit by a milder version of my sister’s mono, providing me with a reason/excuse for why I’m failing calculus.
    Luckily, I finally got in for a dental checkup, and my teeth and gums look great! My mom and I made cookies for her office bake sale-all proceeds benefit Big Cat Rescue-and we have plenty of leftover cookie dough to pig out on!

  3. I am not normally a superstitious person (I’m only a little stitious), but this Friday the 13th I am spooked. I’ve had pretty bad luck the last two weeks (last week my apartment building caught on fire and earlier this week I wrecked my car) so I am not doing anything risky today. Except for texting this girl I just went on a first date with yesterday and really like. I think it went well and we have another date planned for next week, so I’m hoping this means my luck is headed in a more positive direction. Anyone who has extra good vibes, please send them my way!!

  4. Congrats on submitting your thesis proposal, Alaina! You rock so hard! Now there’s just revisions, and defending the proposal, and collecting data or whatever your project requires, and analyzing, and writing, and defending, and you’re home free. ;)

    What’s your proposed project? Tell us all how awesome you are with your proposingness. (I just had to squish my dissertation into a 100-word abstract for a departmental prosem. I failed at the squishing. I sent the organizer a 165-word abstract. He’ll live.)

    • thank you! I’m writing about kink because OF COURSE I AM. I’m arguing that queer women and nonbinary folks of color are able to use the play/fantasy aspects of SM performance to consensually confront the quotidian violences they experience as marginalized others.

      • So what’s your evidence? Are you going to be doing interviews or analyzing texts or what? This is not my area at all but it sounds like a powerful idea. Hope your advisor and committee are supportive!

  5. Hi friends,

    I haven’t posted on a Friday Open Thread in foreeeever but one of my dear friends relapsed in the last few days and I feel like there’s very little I can do because they’re several states away. Send love and kitties please <3 Hoping for the most beautiful fall weekend for all of you!

  6. Maybe its the combination of Treat Yo’ Self 2017 and Friday the 13th but I’m feeling good and fairly luckily. I’ve let myself sleep in and have no plans to leave the house all day. I think I’m going to get a minimal amount of work done so I don’t feel tremendous guilt for doing nothing, but then I will watch the Treat Yo Self episodes and some spooky Muppet Show episodes and maybe Hocus Pocus!
    I’ve been stumbling and bumbling through the week and making small mistakes and bad decisions so I just need to like not do anything for a bit and stop that messy momentum.

  7. I have been dog sitting three different pups this week. One of them is small. The other two are medium sized and hyperactive. I have to walk them separately so I’m getting about 8 miles and 20,000 steps in every day. Unfortunately, it was cold and rainy this morning so I did not enjoy the walks.

    On the plus side, I built up stamina just in time for Pride where I live this weekend. All day tomorrow I’m letting my gay really show. My friends and I felt like it was extremely important to show up this year. Ws’re all in our 40’s so we don’t leave our homes if we don’t have to. None of us are partiers. Why would I put a bra on and try to find parking and be bored wben I have Netflix? Standing up and being heard is more important thougb, so I’m getting my gay on.

    • I’m just under a decade younger but I also side with the ‘why would i put on a bra and leave when there is netflix’…

      But I will spend my next three months worth of energy on pride this weekend. I did promise myself to attempt to be social.

    • Yeah, Pride is just about the only big-crowd-of-people thing I can do in a year. (Lucky for me, we get two rounds of Pride — June and September.) I agree: being heard (and seen) is extra important in this parlous time.

  8. Today has, thus far, touch wood, not been very unlucky. I went to class, I napped, I ate pesto pasta because I’m a student. My plans for this evening (it’s already 8pm) are to finish this translation assignment, and then watch Wonder Woman for the first time since I saw it in June, because my DVD arrived today and I am VERY EXCITED !!!!!

  9. I am kind of excited for my first queer meditation circle. I already have the second one mapped out, it focuses on the aura and how it portrays spiritual health. I hope to hold 2 a month. One an affordable 10$ (I have to charge) safe space and the second about something else. I also charge because I put a lot of work into my meditations. I am already creating a mensturation class, focusing on the spirituality of the period as a time of release, celebrating menstruation, and menstruatal health. The class will cover menstrual products (affordability, use, and availability), periods and the moon cycle, a discussion as menstruators and a whole bunch of other things. I specifically used the term menstruator because anybody can get their period and I want my workshops to be inclusive to all.
    Also a website is in the works. I am super excited. I am not the type of person who protests in the streets, but this is my form of protest. Anxiety holds me back sometimes, but it won’t hold me back from spreading education about the body and making all genders feek safe. I would like to hold a few queer sex seminars, stuff like that and relate it back to spirituality. Suggestions would be great.

  10. Evening folks. It’s been a while since I posted here, how’ve you been?
    Today I was unlucky in that I had to go to work on my day off…and I got yelled at. It was dumb and annoying and pointless. But hey, now i’m home. Caught up on The Good Place and having movie night with my wife.
    Today was lucky in that I got to visit my sisters parents and drop off her birthday gifts. Had a nice catch up with them. Oh and I snagged a parking spot in the stupid busy supermarket car park which meant I could pick up tofu hotdogs. Lucky!
    I got a Friday 13th tattoo years and years ago, it’s a little old school diamond with a 13 split by the point on the inside of my elbow. Mmmmm tender. Not my worst…not my best.
    Non luck based stuff, I’m doing inktober and one of my pens ran out yesterday which – unlucky – but that was the 12th. Not keen on today’s output as a result. In other news I’m waiting for part 2 of the geek podcast I guested on to go live. Hoping I get to do that again as it was fun to feel like my nerdishness had a purpose.
    Have great weekends everyone. :)

    • Omg I LOVE The Good Place. It makes me laugh so hard. Ted Danson knows how to deliver lines. And it is kind of awesome because even though there are no queer characters the show is pretty racially diverse. The ads for The Good Place originally looked stupid, but it was on Netflix so I watched and fell in love. Can I get some more Chidi Eleanor, cheleanor, action pleeaaase?

  11. Luckily, I am going to Nashville to see a band I love tonight! Unluckily, I’ve been roped into being the DD after a particularly hellish and weird week. I still think it will be fun, and honestly I am less upset about not being able to drink as I am having to drive a long way on the interstate, as I was in a pretty bad car wreck this spring that left me (luckily!) unharmed but very shaken up / my poor car didn’t fare as well. But facing your fears is good, right? I also went axe throwing this week. It was very gay, I loved it, I highly recommend it if you want to feel very queer and very powerful. I’m going to a bachelor party tomorrow for a friend of a friend (? i was roped into this as well,) and on Sunday I am taking a MUCH NEEDED day to my damn self because I ran around all week. Also hoping the girl I like wants to come watch somethin spooky. I feel good about next week!

  12. I conquered one of my fears this week and went to a show by myself and it was great, now I know I don’t have to miss any of my favorite bands/acts in the future just because I am perpetually single

  13. Your question about spells inspired me to make one up. I’m new to spell writing. Usually when I’m new to something I do a bunch of reading and planning and learning, but with magic I seem to find myself just bumbling on in with little to no knowledge base, so make of this what you will.

    I stood at my kitchen counter and took a moment to breathe and ground myself. I counted out thirteen sunflower seeds into my hand. Then I laid them out in a line on the counter while reflecting on this time of year: a “spooky” time when spirits seem more present, and when we celebrate their presence; an “unlucky” time when the unexpected and unexplainable seems to knock us out of balance. I guess I ended up writing the spell less for luck and more for patience with unpredictability. I set the intention to remain open and welcoming to the unexpected, and said, “I give myself over to the mystery of the seasons, changes known and unknown.”

    I picked up the sunflower seeds, then scattered them on the counter. Then, I picked up each seed and ate them one by one. I repeated, “I give myself over to the mystery of the seasons, changes known and unknown.” Finally, I took another moment to center myself in the present.

    Honestly, I just used (roasted, salted) sunflower seeds because I had them. But in retrospect, I do like this idea that sunflowers turn to face the sun, that in the midst of a chaotic world they still find a way to orient themselves towards what nourishes them.

  14. My sister was born on a Friday the 13th, and she has red hair. Coincidence?? I think not. She was the least well-behaved of all the kids in my family. (Jk, redheads are lovely, she was just the middle child and had to put up with a lot of shit.)

    I painted my nails for the first time in years last week because it’s October and I wanted to get into the spirit of the month by having almost-black nails. Would highly recommend, I felt very intimidating, excellent way to ward off evil (and by “evil,” I mean men who don’t like women to look “unnatural”).

  15. I have bad luck on 13, but I blame that as coincidence. I am Jewish and for us 12-13 is a lucky number as it is the number we have bar, bat, & b’nai(gender neutral I’m told) Mitzvas. It’s technically when we became adults at least religious wise. Also, to quote Mitch Hedberg, “My hotel doesn’t have a 13th floor because of superstition, but come on man, people on the 14th floor, you know what floor you’re really on. ‘What room are you in?” “1401” “No you’re not! Jump out the window, you will die earlier!’ Because 13 is an unlucky number, right? Well that’s what the letter B should be right, because B looks like a scrunched together 13. ‘Hello, what is your name?” “Bob” “Get the fuck away!'”

    Hmmm, I am not sure how I keep myself lucky, but my friends always tell me I get lucky in finding good parking space, because apparently I am naturally lucky. I think that is kind of true as I do find street/cheap parking.

    How is everyone’s week going? Mines has been fairly boring as I’ve been home for a few days watching the repairmen finishing up the floors. So, I’ve been just watching day time TV, including some Ellen, which I heard her make a crack about straight people(something like I straight people need to be stopped) and people were laughing(not sure how queer or ally her audience really is). It was kind of surprising as middle America likes her too(well she’s doing well enough to be on tv for soo long).

    On Sunday I organized a day at the park, in the trendy gentrified neighborhood of Echo Park. The white people and bicycle day kind of ruined it, by white people being white/colonizers, and bicycle day with the lack of parking(again I got lucky and found close parking). It was great as most of the people who came to the event are none-white LGBTQ people. It was great as it was just a nice day in a park with a lake; the sun was out, weather was great, and convo was diverse as the community. I’ve discovered that if you find the events in your local community aren’t for you, or you can’t make them; making your own events that works on your own time and location works great.

    As the sun was setting in the park

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

  16. My unlucky this week came in 2 ways

    1) I didn’t get this bad ass awesome promotion I really wanted and I’m major bummed about it. Like I’m fine, but also bummed.

    2) Yesterday my boss literally, actually, sincerely asked me, “are gay people more physically affectionate than… other people?” Yeah. There was some context to the question amidst this thing that happened at work with patrons who were a gay couple and our security guard asking them to ‘stop being so intimate because there were children around’ when they were like… hugging, and then I got roped into a conversation with both of them to speak on behalf of all queers everywhere and they didn’t really listen to me and also both made sure to tell me that they aren’t at all prejudiced because they “have a gay friend.” Yeah. That happened.

    But I’m going to see Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher tomorrow with my BFF so I’m pretty pumped about that.

    • Blergh, I’m sorry. Why do straight ppl do the thing of bumping every affectionate queer gesture a rung or two up the Appropriateness Ladder from the straight equivalent? Like, I’ve literally seen straight couples dry humping in public with zero comment, but a guy hugging a guy or a girl kissing a girl is THE END OF THE WORLD THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

      But yay cool concerts! Hope you have fun. :)

      • It’s not just the physical either. ?

        Woman: “My husband bla bla”
        Straight: “Mmhmm”

        Woman: “My girlfriend bla bla”
        Straight: “Omg, I don’t want to know what you do in the bedroom! Don’t talk sex in front of the children!”

        • I know right? I was doing a work training thing on workplace equality, and there was a bit about what to do if two sets of rights clash, and the example they gave was a homophobic Christian who ‘didn’t want to hear about his gay colleague’s personal life’, and they suggested that the gay person be told to just… stop talking about it? Which was maddening enough on its own, but doubly so when you consider that in the WEEK I have been here, I have been privy to conversations on the VERY PERSONAL lives of at least half the office.

          But sure. Gay people should just be told to shut up about their partners. Christian bigots are fiiine.

    • Sorry to hear about the promotion. ?

      Really jealous about seeing Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher, though!

  17. So the last two weeks have been A Lot. The last month or so has been A Lot. But!!! I got a job! My partner and I found a flat!! We moved to the flat!!! I just finished my first week at the job!!!! And we have two new succulent babies and a pot of chrysanthemums and an ivy plant!!!!!

    (In vaguely related news, I found out today that American gardeners call chrysanthemums ‘Mums’, which, as a British person, made instructions like ‘put your mums in a dark room with damp soil for the winter’ make a lot more sense all of a sudden.)

    So. Life is a lot, but it is also good and involves plants and snuggles in bed for the first time in a couple months. Also really weird mental images involving my mum standing up to her ankles in soil, but that’s a smallish part of it.

    • This is like the opposite of the time I was watching Great British Bakeoff and they kept talking about grill cakes and I was like “HOW do you make a cake on a (BBQ) grill?!!?!” I was disappointed to learn that grill appears to mean broiler and there is not in face a way to grill a cake out in your backyard.

      • OH IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL IT I thought they were two entirely different things whoops. I thought a broiler was like… a cross between a (oven-type) grill and a slow cooker? I am easily confused.

        THERE ARE cakes you can make over an open fire tbf! I spent the last couple years living in the south of France, and they’re really big on gateau à la broche, or ‘cake on a spit’, there. Basically you get a spit and dribble cake batter over it until you get this really cool Christmas tree-shaped cake. Possibly not something you can make very easily at home though, sadly.

        • That sounds amazing!

          Is it a vertical or horizontal spit?

          In America we have gargantuan (like roast a bird for a holiday meal big) gas grills with horizontal rotisserie set ups. So if gateau á la broche is a horizontal affair it could be done without too much difficulty with the right grill.

    • At my flower market the person who makes the signs just writes “MUM” on them, which I always find amusing as I go past

      • I’ll bet! Like, it does kind of make sense, but my mental context for the word ‘mum’ is very clearly defined and non-floral, so.

  18. Thursday the 12th was such a huge unlucky mess, including my partner’s retirement insurance withdrawing ten times the right amount from our account by mistake, resulting in a 1500 euro overdraft. Friday the 13th was really sweet by comparison.

    Only Miss Kitty Fantastico was unlucky. You see, her phone/gps arrived:

    It’s nifty. I can track her location, see where she’s been, get notifications when she approaches major roads, get a notification when she comes home, turn on the vibrator or sound remotely and teach her it means dinner time, call her and talk to her, and if someone finds her they can just press the button and I get a notification with my cat’s location and a call so I can talk with the person who found her through her collar. Also, I can use the app to find her by map, directions, compass or augmented reality. The 21st century is REALLY WEIRD!

  19. I’m also having a weirdly lucky kind of day today, so far (knock on all the wood, avoid all the ladders, smooch all the black cats). This morning, despite being so lazy and laying in bed for an extra twenty minutes, I got to work early. When I went to buy a quick breakfast (because I was laying in bed instead of monching cereal), the cashier said I was so friendly that he wasn’t gonna charge me for my coffee, and now I’m headed out of work early for a work-sponsored happy hour with free drinks and PIZZA.

    OH! And last night, I was babysitting the sweetest toddler ever who went to bed ten minutes after I arrived. At which point I queued up Wonder Woman on the parents’ magic torrenting TV, AND THEN said parents stopped back at home halfway through their date night TO BRING ME INDIAN FOOD BECAUSE THEY ORDERED TOO MUCH. So yeah. Got paid to drool over both Indian food AND Diana Prince.

    Yeah. Good start to the weekend for lil ol Bert.

  20. I hydroplaned into a curb and busted my tire last weekend while leaving a bachelorette party weekend. I said the mechanic could just grab the spare tire from my trunk to save $$$, humorously forgetting about all of the phallic accouterments I still had back there, atop the tire.

    Between that and strange work drama, I’m very glad I randomly requested this day off months ago. It was a comically unlucky week.

  21. I’ve never been huge on superstitions but today I’m celebrating the 13th with a witchy movie night, friends, and snacks.

    Last night was college night so I went out when I shouldn’t’ve (dollaritas -> dollar beers) and I’m pretty sure I woke up with a sinus infection. BUT, I’m currently working on–and nearly finished with–the bibliography for my history honors thesis that I’ve been worried about (all my sources are housed in a tiny community archive with erratic hours that don’t line up with my schedule).

    This weekend, rather than staying in bed with my readings and chugging orange juice, I’m going to go see my favorite band play for probably the last time ever. #senioryearnorules

  22. Ok so I’m seeing a woman, and another woman who I’m friends with who is also friends with my girl really really likes me, and that friend is the ex lover of another friend of mine…..and tomorrow I’m going on a trip to the countryside with my ex girlfriend and her current girlfriend……

    Basically I think I’ve reached peak lesbian. Help.

    Happy Friday thirteenth everyone! Lucky for some ?

  23. Hello, crunchy fall leaves and glasses of apple cider! This week has been loooong. Just one of those high pain weeks a spoonie gets (and I get them a lot). Last weekend I saw a new doc and she told me my pain was real and validated and I wanted to kiss her. She’s testing me for some stuff, sooo maybe I’m on the way to a plan and feeling better! My gf and I went to Woodstock last weekend and ate so much yummy food and explored so many cool shops and I gorged on vegan cupcakes and ice coffee and beet and sweet potato tacos and soaked up fall and my love. And then I came home and spent the week feeling like I was smashed by a truck, but worth it! Tonight we’re having our friend over for a hang sesh with food and catching up and that movie Baby Driver and tomorrow I’m baking pies with my church for a local homeless shelter and catching up on sleep. And I finally finished a work project I’ve been putting off! And I can wear a sweater outside without melting! And my cat has been sleeping inside a bag for the past hour and he’s so cute! Even when life kicks you down there’s so much good out there still. (and yes I know the world is a trash can fire and I live with anxiety and fear in some form every day, but also sometimes ya just gotta close the doors and make some muffins and hug your loves). Happy weekend, pals!

  24. I have a calculus exam tomorrow morning because my university is endlessly cruel. It will be terrible. Maths is not my forté.

    At least I am going to a birthday party in the evening. It will be a family birthday party however, where a large amount of comments will be made on my lack of a boyfriend (I have come out to them, but I think they have selective hearing) and digs about my vegetarianism, despite the fact that I have been vegetarian for two years and haven’t dropped dead yet (I hope). It is shaping to be a Saturday from hell.

    • I hope both the exam and the party weren’t as bad as you expected. Neither of those things rank very high on my list of fun stuff either.

      Maybe the rest of the weekend will look up for you. Best of luck.

  25. At the moment I am being held hostage by a snuggle beast.

    Earlier I going to use a computer lab, but it was closed. So my choices of pictures to submit to the fall fashion gallery have been limited down to nascent andro-femme outfit pic where Iook deranged and mid stomp or my “fancy” jeans and t-shirt look with my thigh brushing hair down. Both are public restroom pictures with a lovely hunk of paper towel dispenser in them.

    I don’t know what to pickkkkkkk. :(

    Also by the 13th does that actually mean send them in on the 12th?

    • So I picked the one where I look like I’m about to gleefully stomp on something b/c I took that picture after a man shakily asserted his perspective of my outfit was more important than mine before stomping off in a confused huff.
      Yeah I made know my dislike being appreciated as if I was a work of art hanging on a wall instead of a person and it hurt his fee-fees, made him quiver while trying to re-assert his dominance for lack of a better word.

      “Ha fuck nah brah, I don’t exist for your easy consumption” was a feeling I was feeling when I snapped the picture I submitted which I think is pretty much A Mood for queer fashion.

  26. The highlight of my week was probably buying a ton of frames at Michael’s for cheap to finally frame my ton of awesome prints/posters of gay and gay adjacent things I’ve been collecting for the last year or so.

    Also last weekend I turned a short trip to San Diego into an overnight mini vacation and honestly it was so rejuvenating. I went to a music museum, bought a book about whiskey at a cool used book store, drove along the coast, went go karting, put my feet in the ocean and had an amazing dinner with friends at a fancy-ish place to cap it off. I felt reborn.

    My vibe this week is aggressive self care in the face of the relentless misery and hellfire that is this year.

  27. I DONT HAVE MY NANNYKID THIS WEEKEND! I GET A REAL SATURDAY! Thank You Lesbian Jesus. His family has the uncanny ability to take a vacation right when I most need a vacation from my weekend nanny gig. These past two months I was honestly beginning to think I needed to end it – I work in preschool full time, and not having a real weekend is really hard on my mind and body – but then Saturday would roll around. And I’d open the door, and nannykid would see me, and his eyes would light up, and he would literally jump up and down with excitement before running to me (“let’s go play let’s go play!”)

    And then my heart would break

    ANYWAY, I get to sleep in on a Saturday. I get to sleep in on a Saturday!! My whole body aches. Don’t work with toddlers if you value your lower back.

  28. ALSO, ALSO, ALSO, Lore is okay and all, and using affiliate links for Autostraddle is A+, BUT THE SPOOKED (FROM SNAP JUDGEMENT) IS MY FAVORITE PODCAST OF ALL TIME. OF. ALL. TIME. Now I’m gonna heat up some cider, light my prayer candles of St Margaret Mary (she’s my fav ok), The Blessed Virgin, and Jesus (just in case ghosts r real), and get SPOOKED

  29. I went volunteering at the local food bank like I usually do on Friday, but it figures on Friday the 13th the other people I was volunteering with were spouting all sorts of homophobic and transphobic bullsh*t!!!!! I just wanna volunteer and help people and go back and live my bisexual life at the end of the day???!!! But people can be trash????? And they were wondering why Christianity had a bad name??!!! And this queer Catholic is just rolling her eyes???

  30. I’m spending this Friday the 13th with my adorable black cat <3

    Hey unrelated, does anyone have tips for helping someone (that I'm dating) with dysphoria? Just throwing it out there, seeing as it's a lucky day and all. Thank you!!!

    • Well, uh I think everyone experiences dysphoria their own way but some general stuff like a “no go area” and certain appearances based statements are common things.

      I think you should ask them what’s okay and what’s not.

      Oh wait upon a re-read I think you’re asking for advice for the person not about dating them.

      Reflect on what makes you feel ooky, what’s jarring and feels out of place.
      Start writing it down, make a list.
      Take a break if needed them go back over the list and think of ways to reduce that ooky feeling things on the list gives them.

      Is chest wrong shape? Bind with a binder or stuff and pad if lack of shape issue.

      Or being called a gendered term is skin crawly? Try a neutral.

      Physical interaction with a certain body part is upsetting? Don’t touch it or learn a way to touch that isn’t upsetting.
      For an person AFAB that could be focusing on clitoral stim, and gazing the labia but never penetrating

      For an AMAB person look up this zine
      there’s sex tips in it I can’t explain or paraphrase well.

  31. Drove an hour each way to get my hair cut (nice and short yaaaaas) at a queer-friendly place today. Dude friend/coworker couldn’t seem to grok why I would go so far just for a haircut. Maybe one day I’ll explain the value of queer spaces but really wasn’t feeling that conversation tonight.

    For Halloween I’m making a Handmaid dress and hair cover – not the big wings or the cape… don’t want to wear that much for work Halloween costume contest. I’m hoping I can win in the ‘Scariest’ category. I don’t have the Gender Traitor shirt but after finally finishing the first season of Handmaid’s Tale (that was a rough journey) I’m starting to feel like I should.

    • Every time the hairdresser goes “…really? you want it that short?” I think “Have you really never seen a woman with short hair before?”

  32. I saw Blade Runner 2049 and I’m sorry but Luv yelling “WHERE IS HE” was. Kind of hot. Terrifying. But hot.

  33. Hi friends!

    Today the scary thing that happened to me was that I went to my first formal event where I decided to wear masculine clothes. I spent the past 2 weeks looking for things that fit me well, and I didn’t find a shirt until 1 hour before the event, so I was in a bit of a panic, but in the end everything came together, and I looked banging in my cool dapper outfit. Even the shoes dapper shoes I ordered ended up arriving just in time. When I got home 30 minutes ago I pretty much just cried because never in my life have I felt as comfortable in a social event as tonight, and being able to look at the pictures and to see how awesome I looked definitely helped! I felt so awesome!

    Anyway, here’s me looking cute with some details of the outfit:

    • You look AMAZING! I literally like… my computer glitched and sent me to the bottom of this page, and I was about to scroll back up when I saw a glimpse of your shoes and was like OMG I need to see the rest of this outfit post, it’s gonna be great, and it was! It was EVEN BETTER than I was expecting! You look fantastic, and I’m glad you had such a great time. Long may that continue!

    • I been trying to come up with something more constructive than just “purrrrple”

      But PURPLE.

      Congratulations on being you.

  34. Okay so I know I already posted, but I’ll post again because f*** it. Just found out 5 people are going to my meditation and no one else. I really thought I could help the community and make some money and it turns out I’m doing neither. Also thought a few more friends would support me, but I try not to expect much anymore.
    No period class or queer auric meditation because no one is going to the first meditation. I feel like not even showing up. I really tried to believe in myself and take action, but that was stupid. I feel like this is a wakeup call to just stop. I’ve been trying to make movies for years and no one wants to help unless it is their stuff and when you help other people a lot of the time their work is only seen half way through. This was something I could do by myself (and that I have worked on and am passionate about) and it is just like my movie endeavors.
    I am not looking forward to hold this meditation. Someone wanted to celebrate their gay and that’s why they are going, I feel like I failed them. They are going to celebrate their gay with 5 fu**ing people.
    I wasn’t expecting instant success, but the event coordinator hinted that there will be no more events held by me because of the current turn out.
    I just have to be proud of myself for trying.
    *throws confetti bitchily*

    • 5 people is still people! I can see why that would make you feel super shitty though- it always hurts to have an event you poured yourself into fall flat. *hugs*

      • I just thought I could do more. I wanted to be an action person. I try not to get down on myself, but the old group I was in it was like people just showed up to stuff always. I had to try so hard to get invited even when I showed up I was always the outsider. I would find out people are doing all these projects and when I wanted to help people said sure, but wouldn’t update me. Now I am working on action and organization and nobody shows up. Even through self work and trying to be a better person, I still feel like there is something wrong with me sometimes.
        I have been reaching out a little bit more, but I am trying to have no expectations and be happy with what comes up.
        I also feel like a failure to the people coming. They wanted to celebrate their queer and only 5 people are coming to celebrate…
        Thanks for listening.

  35. My musical choices for dancing this weekend were Love and War by Fleurie and Sevdaliza’s I Am Human.

    Some how despite recording my dancing once a week to some out there music for almost a year I’ve never captured such freaky movements and kinda want to go back in time to apologize for laughing at some people because it does legit look like some horror movie shit


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