FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: A Selfie Story About You

feature image via Shutterstock

image by Rory Midhani

image by Rory Midhani

Welcome, queermos, to the Friday Open Thread, a post where we all talk about your life, your week and sometimes other things in the comments section. You talk to me, I talk to you, y’all talk to each other — it’s like a giant potluck except on the internet and we’re all eating food in our own houses on our own computers. This week, in addition to literally anything else y’all want to talk about (as per ushe), I wanna talk about selfies.

I’ve been trying to embrace the selfie more. I used to think no one would want to see a photo of my dum dum face. But remember that Best of 2015 Instagram photo thing that went around at the end of last year? Where it showed you what the most-liked posts on your account were and made a lil collage of them? Well I learned something: our faces and our cats. That what both my and my fiancée’s friends like to see on our social media. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense: those are the two things they like to see in real life, too, right? Our faces and our cats? It’s not like we all get together just to look at each other’s food (and I am TOTALLY GUILTY of foodstagramming).

So then I thought, well how do I feel about other people’s selfies? And I was like, duh, I love them. I think I may have liked every single selfie posted by resident selfie queen, Mey. And if I haven’t, I certainly want to.

And Lizz’s perfect girlfriend Chrissie posted a selfie with a camel not two hours ago and I think that says more about how her week is going than literally anything else she could’ve posted, so.

Chrissie's Instagram is private but she sent me the original photo just so I could show y'all yayayayayayay.

Chrissie’s Instagram is private but she sent me the original photo just so I could show y’all yayayayayayay.

I think my fear of the selfie stems from two places: that my own personal person is unimportant in the eyes of my community, and that people will negatively comment on my appearance. Probably most, if not all, women think about this sometimes, on account of the patriarchy. On account of a lot of things. I think about it specifically in terms of me being a masculine woman — masculinity isn’t exactly the most valued trait when you’re a woman putting your face on the internet-at-large.

This is my plea to you this week — help me embrace my limited selfie game by showing me your beautiful faces via the comment section. Post that selfie that says something about how your week went, or says something about your very favoritest outfit of the week, or that day your makeup was just rad and there was no way around it. If you’re feeling unsure about how to selfie your best selfie, why not check out this post and pick up some tips? Only positive comments in response, period. Let’s pump each other up for existing in this weird, cruel, beautiful world. Put yo’ face here by either linking to your (public) Instagram or Twitter, or by embedding the photo using another image service like Imgur. I’ll go first.


How To Post A Photo In The Comments:

Find a photo on the web, right click (on a Mac, control+click), hit “Copy Image URL” and then…
code it in to your comment like so:

If you need to upload the photo you love from your computer, try using imgur. To learn more about posting photos, check out Ali’s step-by-step guide.

How To Post A Video In The Comments, Too:

Find a video on YouTube or Vimeo or WHATEVER and click “embed.” Copy that code, paste it, go forth and jam!

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A.E. Osworth

A.E. Osworth is part-time Faculty at The New School, where they teach undergraduates the art of digital storytelling. Their novel, We Are Watching Eliza Bright, about a game developer dealing with harassment (and narrated collectively by a fictional subreddit), is forthcoming from Grand Central Publishing (April 2021) and is available for pre-order now. They have an eight-year freelancing career and you can find their work on Autostraddle (where they used to be the Geekery Editor), Guernica, Quartz, Electric Lit, Paper Darts, Mashable, and drDoctor, among others.

A.E. has written 543 articles for us.


  1. I’m not going to post any selfies, but I’m going to join the party anyway. First off, HAPPY PASSOVER!!!!! I went Passover shopping last night and bought matzah and lots of cheese. Except I forgot shredded mozzarella, which is required for matzah pizza. I’m going to a seder tonight and on a date tomorrow night because G-d wants me to date. My work thinks I’m going to a seder tomorrow night, and my family thinks I’m working tomorrow night. Sorry not sorry.

    I’ve been job hunting for what seems like forever for a full time job (I’m currently rocking the billion part time job life). I’ve been going on interviews and sending out applications and have had no luck. I just found a listing for a job that would be so perfect for me that I started crying. Who knows if I’ll get it- it’s probably super competitive, but I would be so happy in that job that I would melt. (Get the Wicked reference? Nope, okay then.)

    I went to get bagels last night after work because I can’t eat bread products during Passover, and since the bagel shop was closing when I went (they close at 9, and I went at 8:55), the guy working the counter gave me 4 bagels for the price of 2. ALL THE BAGELS.

    I hope everyone’s having a wonderful Friday!!!

    • Happy Passover! I do miss matzah pizzas a little since becoming vegan, but then remember the one time had it on a chocolate matzah(cause other people wanted it), and go no thank you. Well, from what I remember many in Israel have seder only the first night, so as long as your work or relatives aren’t reading Autostraddle, you should be fine. Good luck!

    • Have fun on your date!!!

      One of the girls I did my burlesque course with did her solo on being put on earth to tempt Jews (her gf is Jewish) – it was hysterical, and I think you would have appreciated it.

      And yes, I hope your week is filled with divine intervention. Both work and heart-wise.

  2. Good morning Ali and all of you gorgeous loaves of bread! This week I ate some sourdough because Chloe told me I could (French people are awesome), I discovered a numbers mystery at work I am trying to solve today (nothing interesting or salacious), and my girlfriend (who I am not calling my girlfriend yet but totally is) and I spontaneously went swimming in our underwear in a creek because it was hot outside! Then some frat bros showed up and I continued to stand there in my underwear because damnit, I was in nature and there were baby ducklings and they could not ruin our fun! Here is the selfie we took that day. :-D

  3. the top left one of you and gf under a parasol is perfect. also you make the funny half-smile in all your pictures! it’s cute. I have a similar half-smile for pictures.

    I don’t really selfie, but not out of vanity, just out of laziness mostly, and a desire for privacy when I am selfie-ing, which is rarely an option.

    My week was busy! But I have cleaned the house a bunch because gf and I are going here:

    It’s a book themed b&b on the Oregon coast! There’s no wifi and we’re going to read all day and go for walks on the beach sometimes. Gf has a bunch of dumb work stuff she has to finish, but we’ll be there tonight, and today I am puttering and errand-ing and I have to finish packing in a minute, but we’re leaving in a few hours.

    And I wrote this goofy thing:

    This is not a selfie but it is a picture of me holding a bag of spices in front of my knees so that a chicken won’t peck at me. Except she didn’t want to peck me I think she just wanted crumbs.

      • ooh good question! I might reread Juliet Takes a Breath, but I also have Betty McDonald’s autobiography, and the Alice B Toklas cookbook, and a copy of Of Love and Shadows by Isabel Allende I got out of a tiny library last week and a book about adult survivors of childhood trauma by this cool feminist trauma therapist Laura Brown(bc work). But they have also a really enormous library and we’re staying in the Alice Walker room so I might just reread everything by Alice Walker ever.

        what are you reading this week? :)

    • Oooh, are you staying at the Sylvia Beach hotel? I stayed there forever ago in the Edgar Allen Poe room, which I’m pretty sure they’ve replaced with a different author now…apparently the Raven hanging in the corner was a little to disturbing for some folks. :) Wherever you’re going, sounds awesome, have a great time!

    • That piece on therapy was very interesting and helpful and easy to read! I have some threapy-induced trauma mostly on account of the therapist who once tried to convince me gay people were really just straight people with an inferiority complex who were aiming low – oh my god. I stopped seeing that dude pronto. So yeah, reading your piece made me remember that and realize the extent to which it turned me off to therapy, but I think it would we wonderful to come across someone kind and wise and reasonable, which is how you come across (is this transference? I am feeling extra self-conscious now, lol).
      ANYWAYS, the weekend getaway sounds like fun and I love that chicken!

      • whaaaaaaaaat that guy sounds like a terrible human and therapist! I’m sorry somebody said that to you! gross!

        but I’m glad it was interesting/helpful otherwise.

        no it’s only transference if I’m *your* therapist, and otherwise it’s just like, we’re two people on the internet, and you said some super nice things, and I appreciate that, thank you. :)

        and thanks!! you too! I like chickens I’m just nervous about super-forward chickens with unclear intentions!

  4. Cats! Selfies! Llamas! That plaid/suspenders combo looks super cute on you!

    To pitch in, this is, apparently, the only selfie I have taken this week.

    My cat is weird, and decided to just bury his face in my ribcage. Because why not. I also had to make a dumb face accordingly. Because why not.

    This is teeechnically older than this week, but I think there is a conversation to be had about curly straws as props, right?

    I’m looking forward to seeing other people having selfies, because this is the only comment right now! (Though I’ve spent ages writing it, so. I may have been beaten.)

  5. I don’t tend to take selfies because I don’t like how I look in photos, which I should probably just get over but whatever.
    Good week this week with the warm weather in Scotland. That’s summer over with for us. Currently at my parents for the weekend so yay!

  6. Hmm, I tried leaving a comment and something weird happened. I will try again.

    @alioh, thanks for the selfie encouragement. I generally take lots of photos with lots of nature and zero people, self included. I’m trying to do better at balancing that.
    I hope everyone who is celebrating Passover has a lovely time and that you really enjoy that parsley dipped in salt water!
    I have been full of nervous/excited energy all day today because tomorrow I’m running a race that I’ve been hoping to get into for years…and this year I got in! It’s a 50mile trail race that goes along the whole Highline trail in Arizona. It’s on trails I’ve worked on and through forests I grew up in, so I’m very stoked. In an effort to use up some of my nervous energy this morning I have made a double batch of pie crust and a full batch of mulberry pie filling, which I will bake on Sunday and enjoy as part of the post race celebration with my family.
    I did manage to dig up a selfie from about a month ago from a training run where I had my first sugar on snow experience before heading back West for this race.
    I hope everyone has a spectacular weekend, whatever you end up doing!

  7. Hello there :) My week was pretty unproductive as usual. I was mostly trying to get myself together in class, getting annoyed by public transport or rotting away in front of my laptop. Anyway, one of a few selfies I took in the past month, even though the quality of my front camera is crap.

    Have a great weekend everyone :)

  8. My profile picture is a selfie. I don’t really take them as much as the rest of my friends but I love taking pictures of other things.

    I really have nothing happening in my life other than watching students freak out about finals. Oh one of the guys that works on my imagestter machine at work gave me his wife’s email so that I can send her my resume. She is Executive VP of Mortgages for Bank of America and I told him I was studying Accounting. Apparently she helps mentor other women so that they can climb up their career ladders. The thing is that I don’t know what to ask or write. I am good with just advice on my resume and what to do once I graduate.

  9. I often lack techno-competence, so also no selfie. It is being quite a week though. I can 1) complain and 2) rejoice.

    1) Dog illness. All over the kitchen floor. All over the hallway floor. So much enzymatic cleaner. GF argument-ish thing. Seriously, we must develop certain skills for each other or else this is going to be something re-current, I think.

    2) Spring! Professional progress! Hope! Also, a friend seems to be kinda going from questioning to coming out and I seem to an advice/moral support person, which is interesting. I have never intentionally been in this sort of role (although have been but in an oblivious and only found out years later sort of way).

  10. Well, I don’t have any selfies, since I don’t like having someone take my picture, and “someone” also includes me there. I could post a picture of my character from Dark Souls 3, I guess? That wouldn’t be a selfie though, since she doesn’t have access to a camera. =)

    I hope everyone else is doing well. I’ve had a fairly stressful week at work, so I’m going to get really, really, really drunk tonight. Really!

  11. @alioh What do you think of The Empathy Exams so far?? I read it in ’14, & i don’t know anyone else who’s read it, so that’s why i’m asking :)

    Here’s a selfie of me:

    Mna, i wish. Look at that snooter in a onesie. I will never be that cool.

    I haven’t been taking selfies because 1) ew, my face, & 2) extreme ew, my hair (it badly needs a cut & idk where there’s a place to do that hahaha). And just, idk, honestly i’m sick of my face, i never look even just decent, & selfies are really low on my list of things to care about, all other things considered. That’s not a dig at you, Ali, or anybody else; selfie away. They’re just not a priority or a want for me right now.

    @jajs said last week that my middle school crossover sounded glorious or something. Soooo, on that note, i’ve decided to plague you all not with my face, but with my really, really old comics i did of my crossover! SCREAM IN TERROR & RUN NOW, IT’S YOUR LAST CHANCE.

    They’re coming from FB again (they’re old pictures), but hopefully the sizing won’t be too small. OR MAYBE HOPEFULLY FOR YOU, IT WILL BE. FEAR

    lmao i remember everybody looking at this & being like, “is he shooting an energy ball at her” & i was thinking the fuck you think this is, Dragonball Z????? i’m reading Sailor Moon, THANK U V MUCH

    part i’m-reading-Sailor-Moon-all-through-middle-school, part i-took-Japanese-in-middle-school-so-i-used-it. The ensuing comic was nowhere near as interesting as this weird cover.

    Frodo getting beat up bc of course, right??

    Then i tried to make ACTION COMICS




    Oh & if you know Italian, here’s a high school thing:


    Oh here’s a good thing from college or high school i don’t remember:



    ok i should stop now before you guys see the horrors of a high school yaoi shipper. DONT JUDGE ME

    Other than that, i’ve been working my ass off trying to get things made to vend next month, which means i’m REALLY pissy all the time, because my patience is already gone to begin with. I’ve also applied for three jobs this week; one was with a guy who’s supposed to help me get a job. I was assigned to him through my DORS counselor. Fingers crossed, man, i need to make money. It’s really scary how there’s no more safety net, since the sperm donor asshole left us, & i have little left in my savings account because, uh, i apparently lost my shit & became a Big Spender in 2014.

    Seriously, i’m ashamed; i had plenty of money in, like, May 2014, right? And then after that summer, when shit hit the fan, i suddenly started spending really impulsively, & it destroyed my savings account. That’s not hyperbole, it’s the truth. I feel ashamed & keep waiting for people to use it against me, to use it to claim how irresponsible i “truly” am. I’ve already have people claim all i do is sit behind a computer & that i’ve never had a job in my life– which is an outright lie that they’re somehow convinced is the truth– i don’t need people attacking me because i messed up my finances when i lost my shit. But i really, really regret it, especially since the money came from my now-dead great-grandmother. I wish she was still alive, in a way, because maybe she’d talk some sense into her asshole grandson. (And her daughter, too, apparently.)

    And i’ve always had money anxiety, so now it’s really bad & feels like a “now or never; we are going to DIE” sort of thing. I was lucky to raise some money through GoFundMe, but i’ve lost a lot through this vending venture, as well as using it to buy necessities like groceries & dog food & bus passes. Like, i just want a decent-paying job with decent benefits that isn’t wholly soul-sucking. I need that. It’s all really scary in all honesty, & the future’s even more uncertain than it was a year ago.


    i had a HUGE Marauders (from harry Potter) phase in 11th grade hahahah.


      Your art is great! I wish everybody shared high school stuff~ I burned my old journal; it was too embarrassing heh. I still remember some of those entries though; they still exist in my brain, so I’m glad for that.

      I really hope you get a job soon!


        Oh my god, THESE are embarrassing lmaooooo. But they’re also kind of interesting, to see how i progressed through art student land. (I went to a magnet middle & magnet high school, both times for art, so i was an art student for 12 years once you factor in college :B )

        I remember, when i first had a bout of depression, i wrote it down & then ripped out all those journal entries & shoved them into recycling. Even though older people on the message board i was on a lot (oh, 2003 internet community! i miss ye) were telling me i should hold on to them. They were so right; i can’t remember anything about what happened: what triggered it, how i felt day by day, nothing. I just remember a few instances of crying in the car before school. I only wish i could remember my journal entries so well.

        Thanks, haha i hope so too ; ___ ;

    • Oh man, Empathy Exams is SO GOOD. I’ve had it for a while, but when I saw Leslie Jamison on a panel/reading with Maggie Nelson, I just knew I had to get on that ish. I’m almost done with it now and damn, this book is so fucking smart. I LOVE the morgellons essay, though it definitely had me itching. And her thinking about what incarceration means is so nuanced and honest. Love love love Empathy Exams.

  12. Ali, I feel your explanation of your selfie fears one hundred percent! Thanks for sharing that, and for sharing your lovely face (and suspenders!).

    I used to be super against the idea of taking selfies, at least for myself. Now I’ve come around to it and I would like to be a person who takes them! But, I can’t get past how completely ridiculous I feel making faces at a camera that I’m aiming at myself. If anyone can share how to get over that roadblock, I’d appreciate it.

  13. How do you post a picture from your phone? I love selfies. They allow us to edit and create images that reflect our identities and truths.
    This week has been crazy stressful and I feel like I’m swimming in a sea of anxiety from all the major problems in my life. Not fluffy whinny problems but serious life stuff that then makes all the small problems feel unbearable.
    But I’m trying to stay positive?

  14. I hope everyone’s having a great day, has an even better weekend!

    I don’t really know how I feel cause a bit of mania so my entire is like I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD I CAN DO ANY AND EVERYTHING HURRY UP LETS GO but the part of me that’s always waiting for a crash is like “okay you can go ahead and feel that cause less repression/its probably good not to keep it all bottled up but maybe like count to ten before you jump in” and then I just jump in anyways.

    I got drunk at a friend’s party and was hungover for the first time and signed up for Greenpeace cause a pretty girl asked me to and talked about my gay feelings at length with my therapist cause it was a pretty day and a pretty girl hugged me and another pretty girl made my stomach do backflips and I never talk about that stuff ever but I did and it felt good! And I went to a Welcome to Night Vale live show by myself! It was lots of anxiety but the story was so good and I got a shirt so it was worth it! I worked an extra shift Tuesday and after being surrounded by so many people not like me at WTNV (they were drunk and not black/brown and were like really rude to the people on stage) to be around people whose stories I understand was really good! And I’m never like super pumped to be at work but people made me laugh and said they missed me/cared about me and showed it and that was nice and the next morning I went driving and that was okay and I’ve watched a lot of movies and shows and am editing some friends’ novels in progress and have told many people school just isn’t for me and it’s been okay and someone donated to my LAMBDA fund and I applied for the Everyday Feminism Fellowship and I’m still interning for two other literary things and it feels like a lot but is also okay and I’m applying for grants/fellowships so I’m putting a poetry collection together and then I have to write a manuscript to take to LAMBDA and I talked to my best friend last night on the phone for an hour! I never talk on the phone! And my art made my therapist tear up in a good way and my other therapists told me to start a comedy blog or something but my like sense of humor doesn’t translate well over text and I got into a zine and the head person wants me to record myself reading my work for their event! And I keep saying I can do stuff and it’s going okay cause I wrote a review for a book I finished a few hours earlier and sent it out and then wrote/edited this essay for something I didn’t think I’d be able to do and I know it’s not at a good place yet because I get very snappy/angry when people even hint that I can’t do something and that’s not something I do and it might be because it’s April and that is my worst month or it could be for a whole smorgasbord of other reasons I’m not sure and I also failed my college class. And I’m very tired but also really awake and have really strange dreams and when I found out Prince died my heart fell on its knees and I’m not sure what that’s from, mostly maybe knowing how crushed my mom would be and preparing my heart’s sadness for it.

    That was a lot sorry love you hope you’re well!

    Also also my instagram is private but my username is lexplayagame!

    • I forgot cause yes but also I love the title of this Open Thread because it reminds me of a WTNV title: This is a Story About You and I also agreed to go on a mini road trip with my friend in like two weeks I really need to be stopped I’m not gonna open this tab anymore so I don’t keep typing I’m gonna take a nap or watch something okay I’m done.

    • Ooooh this was sooo fun to read…I feel as though you had a big bowl of punctuation like sprinkles ready to shake over your writing, and then you just laughed and shook it out the window like midnight snow instead.

      …and also “because a pretty girl asked me to” should probably be available as a badge.

  15. This week I read Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. If you’ve read it, you’ll understand what an event it was in my week, and if you haven’t yet, here’s the link to the free PDF:

    Then Prince died, so it’s been a week of introspection and I’m glad I’ll be joining some friends’ Passover celebrations this weekend. What would be good vegan food that is also appropriate for Passover?

    Thanks everyone. Have a wonderful weekend!

  16. *to the tune of songbird* For yoooouuuu I will post a selfie… (IDK it just popped into my head – it’s been a weird week but then aren’t they all – plus I had to reset my imgur password for this haha)

    I too do not selfie much. Everything you said Ali, everything. But hey here’s me a couple of months back after a haircut, looking mildly confused by the world and the front facing camera.
    I made my whole MA work about queer visibility through weird variants of the selfie. Including long exposures of me which made me invisible. I am sure I’ve mentioned this before (until folks are sick of it) but here’s one.

    I still want to create a community project doing these! Who’s in? Seriously I want to send pinhole cameras to folks and have them do a long exposure at home and send me them back for an exhibition about queer visibility. Obviously it needs more planning than that but hey. I’ve had it in my mind since last summer. I’ve been saving coffee cans and cardboard tubes to make the pinholes.
    Have great weekends everyone – I’m working and then having a tabletop night with some friends. Missus and I are going to teach our friends to play Elder sign. Should be fun. :)

  17. I shaved the side of my head on Sunday and ahhhh I love it and I feel so amazing and ughhhh. I never posted an image before I hope this works!

    If it fails, then you can check out the new do here: :)

    Today, today, today. Oh mannn Today has been so damn emotional. Does anyone else get insanely overwhelmed when you have ppl who support you and believe in you? They believe you have an amazing drive and have so much potential?

    I have some of the greatest ppl who do, but it frustrates me because sometimes I feel like I’m not that great? For some reason I don’t see what they see and it overwhelms me so much. I have no idea how to handle ppl pushing me to my full potential because I feel like I don’t have much to offer? I making sense? I literally bawled my eyes out earlier because the way I’m feeling frustrates me and I don’t know how to deal with it gaahhhh!

  18. I’m not the best and selfies(really depends on the lighting too), and I look too masculine and not in make up to post one. Though a friend did take a good picture of me as I was smoking a cigarillo. So, I now know that soft, diffused lighting is my friend. Which reminds me, any one have suggestions on lipstick that won’t smudge when smoking, or using pipes?

    How’s everyone’s week? It’s been very slow for me, as work as been slow. Like, really bad economy slow. :-/ I am not sure what to do as ebay and amazon is killing the neighborhood(as is the current economy).
    On the plus side, I had good fries Wednesday. I drove around Hollywood area with two queer gals and enjoyed our 4/20. It also reminds me how not I am as I was falling sleep at home with a happy goofy smile on my face.

    Oh, and I read about this event a while ago called Catnip club, where women, feminine folks, and non-binary people can go a club twice a month and party without harassment in the undies and/or costume. There is a membership fee, but part of that goes towards helping kittens get adopted. I just now need to find people to go with me. I asked a friend who is interested, but I think the whole you need to be a member aspect turned her off.

  19. I don’t really have a recent selfie uploaded to imgur right now, maybe I’ll post one when I get back from work. But I’m happy to see all the selfie-positivity! I’ll post a cat photo below, and I promise my cat is very photogenic.

    In other news, happy earth day!!

    Aahhh camp is in just over a month! I’m so excited!

    I think summer has officially arrived. This week was good – I meet up with another local straddler and we went hiking together.

    Other than that, nothing too exciting to talk about. I managed to get one of the colds going around work, but it’s fairly mild. And I gave myself a haircut, a task I’d been procrastinating. I always cut my own hair, but it always ends up slightly uneven/choppy. Any DIY hair tips? Maybe there will be some knowledgeable haircutters at camp?

    Also I just discovered my new favorite youtube channel! It’s called “Just Between Us” and it’s really cute and funny.

    Anyway, here are a couple photos below:

    This is where we went hiking – look how green it is!

    Look at this adorable picture of my cat!

  20. I will try and post a selfie, maybe later.
    Right now I’m in the Middle of nowhere at a North German coast in a vacation resort that has been entirely taken over by lesbians for the weekend.
    Like Dinah Shore only colder?
    Friends asked me to come, so I’m fifth wheeling two couples, am dead on my feet cause I traveled up here after work,and I feel SO misplaced.
    Everyone’s like short haired, hip, cool, with an undercut, and I am just not any of those things.
    It’s like so weird to be constantly checked out, weighed and evaluated, it just makes me want to hide.
    At least I found a corner with a bunch of bean bags.
    I really need one of those for home.

  21. Y’all this week has been so good. Do you know those unique moments in your life when you realize you have autonomy? The realization that at the end of the day you’re the only one who has to answer to yourself for the things you don’t try. That is what this week has been for me… that and a few awesome things sprinkled in.

    First of all, I kicked it this Sunday. It was straight up BEAUTIFUL! My mom was celebrating her birthday and we grilled out, I played a mean game of catch with my 12 year old brother (aka the most adorable human), and caught some rays! Look:

    Also, I took a much needed mental health day this Monday. I worked almost 60 hours the week before and some Monday’s you just have to spend time with your favorite people and recharge your spirit. Myself, my girlfriend, and one of my other very good friends went to watch the sunset, drink wine, and eat fancy cheese!

    Last but not least, my dog is a true super hero when it comes to providing cuddles and unconditional love. I love him a lot. Here… he wants to offer you the same unconditional love. “Have a great weekend you wonderful humans,” Charlie barked.

  22. I just quickly wanted to say how awesome it is to see all your beautiful faces! And to read about the moments, when you can go for a swim spontaneously etc. … Here, where I live, we are expecting (a little bit of) snow on sunday. :) Reading about your spring adventures is really nice – I am so much looking forward to warmer weather. I wish you all a nice weekend and week!

  23. I have kind of a big announcement, fam.

    So I saw my bf this Tuesday and we had planned to do some sexy fun time (the last times we hung out we just watched movies, which I love doing anyway) and we brought some toys (I brought my glass dildo and his friend who knows what closet freaks we are made some soft pink rope and a little wooden paddle) and it was kind of a mess, not in a good way. I don’t feel like giving a blow by blow but the long and short of it was I got kind of frustrated and started crying, which isn’t the first time that’s happened.

    We took five and went to Walmart and got a copy of the “Aliens” movies on DVD and watched “Alien” and then we went to talk in the backyard about what happened.

    Its really not because of him. He was a virgin when we started going on and I’m not much more experienced (I’ve only been with two other guys) and we’re both dealing with depression and our own gender fluidity. (in a weird way, we sort of compliment each other: I’m more masculine and dominant and he’s more feminine and submissive)

    What the actual arrangement we haven’t decided yet (I have somebody in mind but I haven’t met them irl and they don’t know I want to pursue a relationship with them. It’s complicated) and there seems like a possible threesome situation brewing but he’s fine with whatever I decide, saying he just wants me to be happy and not feel like I’m trapped and it just made me feel undeserving of such understanding and sweetness.

    Um…in other news, I’m trying to practice guitar every day (I picked it up off and on since I got it when I was a teenage) and I’m two days in. I learned “Dead Flowers” by the Stones and “Doll Parts” by Hole: both only three chords.

    I’m still waiting for an application to Regal Cinema to go through :/

    • This sounds like the time for one of those lists? You know, where there is sexy times stuff on there and you fill it out, each one individually and then compare?
      Maybe it’s also just time for some easy, peasy role play stuff?
      I don’t think “I’m fine with whatever you want, because…” is super healthy,either.
      Honesty really is key, because what sex really is about is revealing emotions and dynamics anyway, so..
      So, I mean, why not explore your roles in a fun way before you get into the heavy stuff?
      I think a lot of BDSM works through some kinky role playing, so find the nerd vibe you two obviously share and connect over, read a book or three on top/bottom dynamics and responsibilities, rules, safewords, etc. and restart that journey.
      I really don’t know if bringing a third player into something that’s a bit messy in the first place is going to be,like super great, tbh.
      But after all, I have no idea about your situation, and you do you!

  24. I wanted to post a selfie, but I’m on my laptop AND on a bus, on super crappy bus wifi. It’s like the trifecta of travel woes.

    I spent the majority of yesterday thinking that it was Wednesday so I was horrified when I realized that today was Friday because I’m travelling to Virginia AND I have a grant application due at 5pm. So I’ve been an absolute DELIGHT today.

    BUT! I’m headed to Virginia for Passover at my gf’s, with the added bonus of never having been to passover. (I might be the first girlfriend to have been invited to Passover) (which is awesome) (but stressful).

    I’m not Jewish so I’ve been doing my best studying up, but if anyone has any words of wisdom I could really use the help.

    (don’t you love parentheses?)


  25. I finally moved on Monday! \o/
    My new house is awesome (no damp, no mould, no slug/spider/woodlice infestations, working heating, and plumbing decent enough to run a washing machine) and the dogs are loving having a garden. They’re less impressed by the fact that I had to let one of my brothers move in with his pug buuuuut they’ll live!

    Other than an incredibly stressful moving day on Monday I’ll admit I’ve done much of nothing this week.
    I managed to unpack my clothes and tidy my bedroom a little tonight, but honestly I’m having a hard time motivating myself enough to get everything sorted at the moment.
    As I’ve been super lazy I haven’t selfie’d at all this week, but I have been taking lots of photos of my dogs (and our new housemate, Patsy the pug) enjoying our new place so at least there’s that?

    Hope you’ve all had a great week and have a fab weekend too! <3

  26. I am all about taking an obscene amount of selfies all the time – so many, in fact, that I normally post them in groups of 9. Luckily my girlfriend is a good sport about it.

    These are actually from last weekend at the London Lesbian Film Festival, but I’ve been experiencing a weird kind of culture shock since leaving (why aren’t all the lesbians everywhere all the time?!) and pretty much just walking around in a daze all week so I think it counts.

  27. Not going to post selfies because I’m still not out to a bunch of people, but I think you all look so fantastic! <3 I also appreciate all of the dog & cat photos.

    I'm moving in a week and I have no idea where I'll be living! I have tons of friends that I can stay with, but I kind of want my own place, you know? I have an application in, and I really really hope I get it because it would be perfect. I also need to back, which is something I've been hardcore avoiding.

    But yeah, lots of moving anxiety for me. Also Prince died, and I'm sad because he was really important to Minneapolis, where I grew up and spent my early adulthood. It's hard to believe he's gone.

    • I just wanted to wish you all the best for your moving day! Moving always really stresses me out as well… I hope it’ll be as relaxed as possible and that you find the best possible solution for your living situation! :)

  28. I am all about taking an obscene amount of selfies all the time – so many, in fact, that I normally post them in groups of 9. Luckily my girlfriend is a good sport about it.

    These are actually from last weekend at the London Lesbian Film Festival, but I’ve been experiencing a weird kind of culture shock since leaving (why aren’t all the lesbians everywhere all the time?!) and pretty much just walking around in a daze all week so I think it counts.

  29. I was never into selfies until recently when a few friends told me I should document my outfits on Instagram because they liked my style. I dismissed the idea at first, but I started to do it and I have to say, it’s a lot of fun! My go-to style at the moment? I’ve been addicted to putting pocket squares in shirt pockets. It’s getting too warm to wear jackets in FL, but I still want to add flair so I did that twice this week. Also, I’m kind of obsessed with my new tie with adorable little foxes all over it. I guess it’s my ‘Foxy’ tie! Hope the images work this time. haha

  30. I decided to start playing “Skyrim” again and finish it this time. I did basically the same character from before. A female Nord with blonde hair and dark warpaint around my eyes. I looked at her for some time. There was something REALLY familiar about her. It came time to name her, and I realized what it was. She wasn’t the Dovahkiin, she was the Wanheda. I named her Clarke.

    • I’m awaiting backward compatibility on the XBone so I can replay and complete as I cba to fight my way through the spare room to the 360. I want to be a female rogue elf, I put in a couple 100 hours as a male Orc rogue… Which is just an odd combo but yeah I hadn’t played a fantasy rpg before and didn’t really know what I was doing and somehow due to being distracted by the fantasy element didn’t make the link between fallout and elder scrolls *facepalm*

  31. Hey friends and fellow queermos!

    I’ve been working on a video about the phenomena of celebrities who identified as bi or had said they dated men and women, but then backtracked once they were older/more famous. It looks at it from a sensitive light, trying to figure out why this happening and the different reactions in our community to it. I wanted to double check that I wasn’t missing anyone major, so please add some of you know them!

    I’ve got:

    David Bowie
    Nicki Minaj
    Jessie J
    Tom Hardy
    Megan Mullally

    People that have been accused of doing that but it’s arguable
    Luke Evans
    Anne Heche

    Thanks friends!

    • Channing Tatum, but I’m not sure of that.

      Oh and a possibly this could add some interesting perspective to your project: Alan Cumming reportedly getting tired of people making a big deal of his bisexuality.

      • No, he identified as a closeted heterosexual. But that also came up in the same interview he admitted that coming out as bisexual was his biggest career mistake because America was so obsessed with labeling him that way. So make of that what you will.

  32. I don’t have a fear of the selfie is what I want to say, but more of an issue with my face being a consumable object and something I should not get too attached of.’
    “Vanity is a sin, a form of pride which is the gateway sin that leads to rest of the six. When I age I would be wrathful and envious of those still young and beautiful. In the bloom of my youth I would incite and reciprocate lust. Be gluttonous and slothful in my fornication”
    Somehow that thought process formed in my childbrain and I cannot scrub it out completely because it feels like there’s truth in it. I will one day be wrinkly and old, I will miss being young and not wrinkly. I objectively know that my value and worth as a person is NOT determined by my looks but doing things like selfies make me feel like I’m risking getting too attached to my looks and placing undue value on them.
    I should focus on inner and not outer beauty.

    Other than weird thing about vanity I’m doing better in taking pride in my self, the things I do or create. Other than that one thing toxic christian theological thought is pretty much absent from my being and has been for a long time.
    What is sad to me though is I accepted wrath so much quicker than anything else, but maybe because that’s the one I would need the most work on.

    Bah I got all involved and share-y with my internals again.
    I was gunna ask the FOT for help on a clothing matter.

    So I’m going to a wedding in early May and I’m wearing one these:

    and the fabric is very unforgiving in revealing the outline of my undies.
    It’s like ballet leotard levels of unforgiving and unlike ballet I am not going sans underpants to family event but at the same time is it poor manners or something to have the outline of my underpants be as clear as if I was sans the rest of my clothing?
    If so are there any option that aren’t butt floss to prevent outline situation?

    I love this sort of dress because it conforms to my upper body and I don’t have to try to conform to it which is thing I’ve identified that gives me the most dysphoria with feminine clothing.
    So um


    • Your dress is lovely and the color is remarkable. You’re going to look so good!

      I wore a pretty tight dress for graduation a few years back and I wore seamless panties. I got it from a local shop (sorry!). It worked wonders. there are all types of styles.Im thinking a bikini seamless panty will work best for that dress?

      • That’s not mine specifically just the closest in colour and length I could find with google image :P
        It’s called an infinity wrap dress

        I’m going to tie it like one on the left of the 2nd row which show my best asset, shoulders so hells yeah I’m gunna look so good and feel good ;)

        Maybe and yay that’s an item I can buy as a separate and is in stock at some stores near me that aren’t fancy expensive like Nordstom’s.
        Thank you for the advice.

      • I second this!! If you are close by to a UNIQLO/ have access to the Internet and are relatively straight sized (0-12/14) without a exceptional kardashian butt they have a great seamless cheeky boy short. They will not ride up your butt in the slightest but you will also not feel like you are wearing your granny’s actual panties unless you are into that. In which case, you do you

        • Darn UNIQLO is only in 7 states and none near mine, any clothes but socks off the internet is big risk to me.
          Well debating whether my my 40 inch hip measurement means my butt is near kardashian was amusing. >D
          Thanks for that.

      • Heh I wish tightness was the issue, it would be funny to see what granma would start talking about as my “real asset” that I should “show more of”. xD
        She’s mostly deaf and never hears the cracks about me having stolen all the family booty etc at cookie weekend.
        The issue is jersey knit fabric.

        Modern lingerie can be pretty funny in the names/phrases department.

    • Are the straps at the top going to be just like the picture?

      You could try some type of body shaper/spanx,1&$filterlrg$

      If straps show here is a link to some highly recommended starpless bras

      OR…. You can embrace that lines will show through and wear a lot of lace or lace edged undies.
      Try a lace bandeau bra and lace hip cheekies.

      If you can bring the dress with you to the store when you try on the different undergarments. Then you’ll know what works best and what you feel most comfortable in.

      Hope this helps!

      • Oh dear this dress is like the anti-shapewear dress which is precisely why I love it and why it makes me feel good.
        The straps are these broad like 4 foot swathes of fabric attached to a skirt and tie around the torso in what ever way a mind and the laws of physics can come up with.
        Inspecting the topmost picture more carefully I suspect someone made a some kind of modesty tubetop to match the dress.

        I’m not unappreciative, offering advice to someone who asked for help is a good thing and it would be terrible to diminish that goodwill in someone
        I just should have maybe emphasized somehow, more or better that garments intended to shape and mould my body into a shape I am not gives me dysphoric feelings.
        *is awkward*

        Suggesting the I bring the dress with me to the store does very much help, thank you. The only feminine person in my life with a full grown lady wardrobe is my mother and I can’t ask her this stuff for um reasons.
        So thank you for your efforts.
        I’m all gooey with feels now.

        Still not completely use to people putting in effort and being nice towards me at the same time I guess.

  33. No selfie but.

    I’m reading autostraddle sitting in a house with my girlfriend while we work on homework together and it is raining lightly and this house smells like old house and there are cats out in the yard and we just had pizza and I am not sure that this is actual real life because it is such a sunshine dream moment.

    Thank you for letting me share this with you.

  34. i’m not so much about sharing pics of myself publicly, tho i’ve been known to claim that my profile pic is, in fact, me. i got my hair cut earlier this week, and i kept thinking i should take some selfies. i decided against it because lazy, but then i ended up getting up after i’d gone to bed and taking selfies after all because how could i let my new haircut down like that?

    today has been a pretty good day. i talked to my therapist about how i wasn’t feeling how things had been going, and i think we have adjusted course and things are gonna go better now. i also partook in a little consumerism and bought 3 new graphic novels and a blazer. the blazer is really cute, but part of me is concerned that it’s a little more feminine than i’ve been going in for. i bought it anyway, though, and probably i will keep it? may have to poll the audience on it.

    • You’re not alone.
      I have joked that I am in fact a brick wall before.

      Which is funny cause in life I have tried to act like one, but on here and this point in my life I am not trying so hard to do that or to be that.
      Even funnier still is the fact this profile picture is from that of an interior fortress wall.

      • ima have to think about that. maybe some form of awesome? it is pretty stylish. and i need more dressy clothes. it does that whole annoying (to me) girl jacket higher in the back than the front thing, though. but i decided maybe i could just ignore it ’cause it’s not like i’ll be seeing my back anyway? but then it’s awkward cuz part of the back of whatever shirt you’re wearing shows and idk. just not sure how i feel about it.

  35. Last Saturday I went to an art & martini themed party, where creative formalwear was encouraged. All my clothes are black, so I went with blue eyeliner and a matching fascinator to add a little fun to the outfit.

    I met a cute girl and we’ve been talking this week, so that is fun and nice. There are tentative plans to see each other soon.

    I also, on the advice of “Boobs on Your Tube,” main lines all 10 episodes of the Faith Diaries off the LifetimeTV website and it was delightful. I loved her and hope she is back on my real tv soon.

  36. Hey there, happy Friday!

    I used to consider posting selfies to Instagram my guilty pleasure and am just learning to embrace it more and more. I’m really bad at writing diaries (and writing in general) as I’m obsessively trying to be in full control of my words and painting my thoughts and moments as authentic as possible, even to my future self, but managed to find continuity by watching myself change throughout the selfies I took over time.
    Sometimes I wonder what impact our pictures of ourselves might have on us in the future, and I’m somehow sure that it may be positive and helpful when we age, seeing how we saw ourselves back then :)

    Anyway, I’m trying to make a “fresh start” by reminding myself to REALLY take care of myself this time, while recovering from a depressive episode and a Tonsillitis last week.
    Here, self-care comes summer’s bright makeup colors (…and the realization that I’ll never go back to non liquid lipstick).

    I have an unhealthy attitude towards work, my abilities and self-worth, with my mind and heart bouncing between a much needed work-life-balance and the idea that I have to throw myself at work while I’m still young, to move forward quickly.
    My new found resolutions lasted exactly a week, after the idea of taking on an additional position on a project was thrown into the room. So now I’m back to unhealthy contemplations, but I know I have to bounce back.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about how much space I should or should not take up, IRL and online, and there have been many open threads I wanted to comment but missed, cause, well, dunno… So this is my first. Thank you for letting me break the ice, it really feels liberating.

  37. I’m sure I’ll regret this immediately and also for the rest of my life HERE YA GO grad school cubicle selfie. Behold the glamour; the excitement.

    Seriously though, I wanted to participate to support the very real and cool effort Ali and y’all put into finding and expressing yourselves via selfies; I do believe in this. Maybe next time I’ll graduate from the easy out of self-mockery to something more grown-up.

  38. Ok, so my week has been fairly complicated. This girl I’d been seeing casually got a boyfriend without telling. I’ve have a crazy amount of school. But this girl I’ve liked for around 2 months started talking to me again, and I’ve felt more confident with flirting. So I don’t have a picture that describes my week, but I like this picture anyway, and it represents my style pretty well.

  39. I’m lurking the hell outta this thread. I realized yesterday that I’m still programmed to remember to look forward to FOT, and that this was my first experience with peer support. This space paved the way for my alcohol/emotion/mental recovery. Thanks, guys.

    I feel for the first time in probably 8 months or so that I am on the right track. I had to go to a psychiatric unit for a few days about two weeks ago. It was a turning point for me, for sure. I’m stronger each day, and feel rested enough to keep living in each moment. I go back to my work as a caregiver next week, a position I haven’t done full time since last August. I’m looking forward to it. My heart is dancing, and tonight, I’m happy to be dancing with you. <3

    • This is so so great to read. Congrats on being on the right track ♡ In all those months that you felt you weren’t, you didn’t stop growing as a person for sure!!! That’s something that my therapist told me the last time I suddenly made a huge mental leap. One of the very few wise things he has ever said to me. I love your selfie, I love your dancing heart, GOOD GOING!!!!!!

  40. Hey AS,

    Somewhat late to the party, as it’s 5:41 here on saturday morning, which is not friday anymore, but hey, what the heck. Time zones and all that. Maybe I can still sneak in.

    My hell weeks have been slowly morphing into hell months, where everything is impossibly hard and my bad luck is starting to overwhelm me!!!!!!!! I have found a place to live THREE (3!!!) times, and so far every place has let me down and I’m still searching. (Despite having already signed a contract and put in a floor for one of them. Do I feel screwed over? Hell yeah I do.)

    My grandmother is very very very ill, a fact that she (very much like her) chose to just completely hide from her family so she can continue to take care of all of us. When my aunt busted her about it when she ended up on the oncology ward a few months ago she did reveal SOME things but insisted it was very mild and not bad at all!! Grandma, you wild lying woman!!!!!! I love you please don’t die!!!!!!! Anyway, she is in the hospital now which is what prompted my aunt to spill the beans to me.

    My grandma pretty much raised me. I don’t even want to think about losing her, although loss is sort of a continuing theme throughout my family life. So I’m sure that whatever happens I can deal with, I just… really don’t wanna have to, y’know.

    I also finally completed the process of signing up for university (minus the paying part, I should get kmon that, but.), I GOT IN!!! And everyone else there were a bunch of very straight-looking high schoolers whose biggest concern was, well, getting their high school diploma. I got mine five years ago. Guys. I felt so out of place??? They’re literal children! Which makes me mildly worried about hating my life the next few years, but luckily I have my own social life already.

    I’m definitely trying to keep my head up, but in the spirit of using selfies to communicate my EVERY EMOTION (which I do) I will post this unflattering, way-too-honest picture I sent to my friend last night with a caption about life being hard.

    Hope that works. Please treat it kindly, ‘straddlers? Don’t turn me into a meme!

    Have a good Passover and a good weekend, much love to all!! ♡

    • Good luck with Uni. Don’t be too worried about the age difference, these things have a way of not being important after a while and as you say, you have your own social circle. Also, friends from all groups can be really enjoyable and mutually beneficial.

    • So, my gran and aunt half-raised me, when my mom was sick when I was a kid, and I went to live with them, three states away. My aunt took care of my gran as she was slowly dying from complications following multiple strokes. And in doing so, she concealed from everyone else that she herself had colon cancer, and was dying. My family has a tradition of returning items that were gifted to the giver after someone passes away. Well, my aunt actually prepared little parcels so nobody would have to do the work of it after she passed away. The point of this is, she went on her terms, and as a human being, I am glad for her. For myself, it was an experience of loss that I didn’t think I could possibly live through,the grief seemed like it would be stifling. Instead, the grief I experienced was more like floating – in a world where my aunt anchored me, I was suddenly unmoored, and floated through a thick fog of depression that was really fucking hard. A therapist was required, for sure. I did make it through. I never, in all my growing up years, thought it would be possible, but I did. Knowing she went the way she wanted to, it made a huge difference. The women in our lives are strong, Cecil. So you must be strong, too. <3

      • @lolau Thank you so much for sharing your insight and your experience. I’m ever so glad I checked back here just in case anyone added something. My grandma is the anchor of our family (my mother is also very ill) and I’m also very afraid of becoming unmoored, the entire family floating apart. Your story gives me hope. Thanks again, thank you, thank you.

  41. Idk how to post pictures and I never will, but

    1. I got a part time job as a dishwasher last week

    On a related note, I have recently become aware that I have no upper body strength

    2. I have a group interview (??) for a second part-time job next Thursday

    3. I hope I get the second job so I can maybe potentially stay in Portland post A Camp!! Otherwise it will be back to Northern Virginia :(

  42. for real, I haven’t really been on Autostraddle all school year (things have just been way too crazy), but I’m so glad that I popped in this evening, so that I can share a picture that is representative of the way I’m feeling right now:

    1. is anyone else obsessed with Snapchat filters? this one is new and it’s speaking to my soul. I love them. I hope the dog one never goes away. they give me an excuse to take more selfies than I already do (on a selfie note, the new Snapchat filter where you can swap your face out for a picture of someone in your camera roll is hilarious, because I have too many selfies in my camera roll for that to be effective).
    2. THIS WEEK HAS BEEN SO GOOD AND I FEEL AS SPARKLY AS THIS PHOTO MAKES ME. I’m a theatre person and there’s been some great industry news this week (my favourite performer ever, Betsy Wolfe, is gonna play Elsa in Frozen on Broadway!), AND I’ve had great personal gains this week: I’ve been in theatre for nearly 10 years, I’m in college training to be a professional performer, but I’ve spent a lot of this year wondering if I’m on the right path, as I’ve never really been able to break out of the ensemble and bit parts (well, you know, it’s more complicated than JUST that, but I’ll keep it simple so you all don’t need to hear my life story). I found out today that I’ll be playing the Nurse in Romeo and Juliet on my school’s mainstage this fall–in the company of 13 other women in an all-female, highly stylized production! Honestly, I’ve been waiting so long for an opportunity like this, and to know that my perseverance and the stubborn way in which I’ve followed my heart is not for naught is just WONDERFUL. It’s SUCH a great role and I’m so excited to dig into it in the fall. I’m also working in theatre this summer, and I found out today that my contract has been extended two weeks, so yay money and yay professional growth in my field of choice! I also got to see my department’s fantastic production of Altar Boyz this evening, and I’m just always in awe of the work we do here. It has been a semester fraught with insecurity, and it’s nice to have a confluence of good things to reinforce that, despite everything, I am on the right path.

  43. Hey Ali and everyone,

    I can’t quite believe how close A-Camp/Bonnaroo/the rest of my US trip is getting. I’m simultaneously excited and terrified.

    No selfie from me because I like to limit the amount my face is on the public internet. But here is a picture of my playlist for today (Saturday) because I was sick last weekend and disappointingly missed record store day:

  44. I have had a GOOD week.
    – I started my new job and I’d been semi-dreading it but am pleased to find I actually …….quite like it!
    – Moreover, I love lunchbreaks and I love leaving work and I love weekends!
    – I wrote a poem I was pleased with
    – Finished reading 2 books I loved
    – Had chill evenings in
    – There is blossom everywhere and I love it.
    – Generally am surprised by how happy I find myself

  45. This week my gf and I celebrated our one year anniversary. Our meetcute is the first time we hung out we got coffee while both wearing fake leather jackets and black and white skate shoes, went to a Janet Mock talk at my gf’s alma matter, and then went out for personal pizzas with weird toppings and fun names followed by walking around downtown near my place.

    The actual day of our anniversary I was tired from work and we just stayed home and relaxed but a couple days later she surprised me with a sushi dinner date where we had rolls with fun names.

    I went to two shows this week in between working too many hours, one with the gf and one solo where I made a cool new queer friend/shows buddy. It was nice to get out and have fun and put more emphasis on the life part of work-life balance.

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