I have two cats and the only job they have is personal assistant — whenever we’re trying to do any work at all, they are squarely on whatever books or tools we need, helping. They are very helpful. But that’s not the kind of cat career I’m talking about—there are some cats with better jobs than I will ever purrrsonally have. Here are just a few of them.
Larry, Chief Mouser for the British Government
Larry lives at 10 Downing Street and is Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office. He’s the headest of honchos out of the more than 100,000 cats employed by the British Government to keep down mice. According to his Wikipedia page (which everyone must read), Larry the Cat was recruited from the Battersea Dogs and Cats home and was selected by the Downing Street staff. A few highlights:
In late February 2011, it was reported that anonymous sources were briefing against Larry saying “there is a distinct lack of killer instinct.” However, a senior Downing Street spokesman said that it was too early to make judgements and that Larry hadn’t even been taken to visit his main work area in case he ran away. He finally made his first kill – a mouse – on 22 April 2011. On 9 September 2011, Larry was spotted swiping at a mouse, known as “Mandy,” who then escaped under a bush.
At the same time the press officer continued that “his day to day responsibilities also include contemplating a solution to the mouse occupancy of the house, Larry says this is still ‘in tactical planning stage'”.
David Cameron has said that Larry is a “bit nervous” around men, speculating that, since Larry was a rescue cat, this may be due to negative experiences in his past. Cameron mentioned U.S. President Barack Obama is an apparent exception to this fear saying, “Funnily enough he liked Obama. Obama gave him a stroke and he was all right with Obama.”
Socks Clinton, Former First Cat
If you grew up during the Clinton administration, you may remember Socks because a cartoon version of him guided children through the White House website. You may have also written to Socks, which could have landed you in Hillary Clinton’s book, which featured many of the letters sent to the first pets. Socks was originally the only First Pet, but Buddy (a chocolate lab) was introduced in 1997. It did not go well. According to Socks’s Wikipedia page:
Socks found Buddy’s intrusion intolerable; according to Hillary Clinton, Socks “despised Buddy from first sight, instantly and forever.”
Officer Lemon, Police Cat
At just two weeks old, Lemon wandered into the Yoro Station in Kyoto, Japan. He was almost immediately recruited onto the force. He spends much of his time on top of the service desk helping those in need and is also frequently spotted doing community outreach (he warns seniors of the dangers of scam phone calls). He looks very snazzy in his custom-made uniform.
Mayor Stubbs of Talkeetna, Alaska
Yes, yes, Talkeetna is too small to have a mayor (it’s technically only a historical district). But Honorary Mayor Stubbs has been in office for 15 years and is still Mayor today. His office is located in Nagley’s General Store and every day he goes to a local restaurant to sip catnip water from a wineglass, I shit you not.
I would vote for Mayor Stubbs.
Really, cats should be running the world.
And one day they will…..
I have it on reasonable authority* that Mayor Stubbs is a well-loved civic leader.
*Former resident of the municipality in question.
I LOVE LARRY! He is literally the best thing about British politics, although he’s clearly a terrible mouser.
I feel like my cat Allen could give him a run for his money, especially since Allen is also a rescue Cockney cat and considers it his full-time job to scare the shit out of my housemate by bringing her gifts of dead vermin.
Stubbs has had quite the hectic political career, via Wikipedia:
“Other exploits from which the feline mayor has escaped include being shot by teenagers with BB guns, falling into a restaurant’s deep fryer (which was switched off and cool at the time), and hitching a ride to the outskirts of Talkeetna on a garbage truck.”
No wonder he’s held office for so long. Who wouldn’t vote for a cuddly yet badass mayor?
omg, Officer Lemon!
Seriously? All my freeloading cat does is steal my food and harass my girlfriend’s dog.
This is everything I need in my life.
I feel better about the world after reading this.
fine, i will finally comment, because how could you guys have missed this?!
THIS IS THE BEST. Look at all of these important kitties! My cats are very good at sleeping and falling off of tables, but they would make terrible politicians
These cats are inspiring. They’ve accomplished more than I have and they don’t even have thumbs.
On one hand, I’m sad because these cats are more accomplished than I ever will be. On the other hand, I love me some cats.
This might be the best thing ever kitten.
I mean, written.
I’m kinda tempted to try and make some catnip water for my kitty and see how she reacts, it could prove rather amusing.
These cats are all very accomplished! But have you heard of Wojtek, the bear who was a corporal in the Polish army?
I’d like to submit an addition. Penny is a now-retired cat I used to work alongside at the historic and now shuttered Acres of Books used bookstore in Long Beach, CA. Ray Bradbury probably petted her. She was very literary. Here’s a picture:
Penny was the most wonderful queen of a cat! My Grandma was the owner of Acres of Books. I got out of stocking shelves by telling her I couldn’t get up from the old wooden desk in the middle of the store because she was fast asleep in my lap.
When Acres of Books closed, she comforted my Grandpa when he fell ill then went on to keep my Grandma company for another 2 years. She passed away in 2012.
I’m a big fan of Tama, stationmaster of Kishi Station.
I just told Sammy, who was in the middle of his mid morning nap inside a cardboard box, “Why can’t you be more like Larry.”
Chubs McGee just tripped me and made me drop all of my clean, wet laundry that I was going to hang on the line to dry onto the dirty porch floor.
I wonder if the English authorities would consider some kind of Commonwealth cat exchange program…