Two and Half Men’s Portrayal Of A Trans Woman Is (Shocker!) Not Respectful

On the latest episode of CBS’s Two and a Half Men, Jon Cryer’s character, Alan, met, slept with and started dating a new character, Paula. Paula, played by cis actress Paula Marshall, also happens to be a trans woman, and that is one of the driving narratives of this episode. While both CBS and this show have been notoriously problematic in the past (and other CBS shows have specifically failed in their portrayal of trans women), this episode received praise for its “respectful” portrayal of a relationship between a trans woman and a straight man. However, even conceding the fact that “not once was (Paula) called a man, nor were any transphobic slurs used at any point during the episode,” this episode was still filled to the brim with insulting “jokes” and problematic lines directed at the expense of not only the character of Paula, but all trans women who might see, or even hear about, the show.

Paula Marshall via Seiren Junkies

Paula Marshall via Seiren Junkies

I think it’s important to point out that Alan’s very first interaction with Paula was predicated on him pointing out several times that he’s straight. The writers wanted to make sure that we, the audience, didn’t think that they were saying he was gay. They basically were saying, “Now we know he’s about to sleep with a someone who used to be a man, but don’t worry, no homo.”

This show has a laugh track, so there’s no ambiguity about how it wants us to react to certain things. When Paula comes out to Alan after they sleep together, many members of the studio audience laugh. They actually laugh. They treat her telling Alan that she’s trans as a punch line. Many more of them also “ooo” and “ah,” as if this is an episode of the Jerry Springer Show. If that’s not sensationalizing transness, I don’t know what is. Don’t worry, it doesn’t stop there. Next, Alan starts asking her multiple questions about her genitals. Seeing as they just slept together, this is somewhat understandable, however, focusing on a trans woman’s genitals is also a grossly overused trope. The real kicker comes when Alan asks if her Gender Confirmation Surgery is permanent, saying, “you’re not going to sneeze real hard and suddenly I’m dating a dude?” So, he doesn’t call Paula a man, but he insinuates that if she still had a penis, she suddenly would be. One small step for a trans woman, one giant leap back for trans womankind.

The next morning at breakfast, Ashton Kutcher’s character is recounting his “crazy night” spent taking his date to the emergency room not once, but twice. At this, Alan promises that there is no way that that night was as crazy as his (because nothing’s crazier than sleeping with a trans woman, am I right!?). When the others ask him what was so crazy, he proceeds to OUT HIS GIRLFRIEND TO PEOPLE SHE DOES NOT KNOW. In case my excessive use of caps lock wasn’t clear, this is not okay. Not even a little bit. Ashton Kutcher responds to this with a barrage of “respectful” quips including “I can’t believe that you would… well then again, it is you” and “How did it work, like where did it go?”

The article also praises the show for including the line, “You’re going out with a post-op transgender person without any judgment? Very enlightened.” Which, let me tell you, every woman wants to hear that about someone who wants to date her. What exactly is enlightened about a straight man going out with a woman who has a vagina? Do they really have to point out again that she’s post-op? We already know that from the extensive conversation Alan and Paula had and the several jokes characters made about her surgery. When the two do go on another date, the entire scene is filled with jokes about her being the “man” in the relationship, whether that’s her paying for snacks, holding a door for him or giving him her jacket when he’s cold.

There’s also the simple fact that she’s not played by a trans woman. Elementary and Orange is the New Black should have shown Chuck Lorre that you can definitely find super talented trans actresses to play your trans characters. Were they worried they wouldn’t be able to find one who “passes” well enough to make it believable that Alan would be “fooled?” I don’t have any problems with Paula Marshall, she’s a fine actress, but she isn’t trans.

Now, I totally understand latching onto any and all representation that has any positive aspects. I mean, I still watch Glee every week just because it has both a lesbian Latina and a plus size trans woman of color. But I don’t pretend that it’s respectful. When they had an episode centered around Unique trying to use the correct bathrooms at school and the show’s solution was for her to be able to use the teachers bathroom, I didn’t celebrate. That is a garbage compromise. And it stinks. The fact that she isn’t forced to use the men’s room or a port-a-potty covered in question marks doesn’t automatically make this a win. She’s still being treated as something other than the girl she is. Similarly, just because Paula wasn’t called a man or a slur, doesn’t mean the show treated her well. It still wanted us to laugh at her, be shocked by her and to view the entire situation of a straight man dating a trans woman as something funny enough to be the premise of a sitcom episode.

I will admit, there were some positive things about Paula’s storyline. Alan didn’t completely freak out when she told him, in fact his response was one of the better responses I’ve seen on TV. He also continued to want to date her after she came out, he even liked her more and more as the episode went on and he learned more about her. But that doesn’t make up for the rest of what happens. This was my first time watching Two and a Half Men and it will probably be my last. Treating a trans woman with the very bare minimum amount of respect (and I’m not sure if it was even that much) and having Amber Tamblyn play a lesbian are not enough to win me over. Come on Amber, you were Joan of Arcadia! You’re too good for this show!

Back in the good ol' days of her career.

Back in the good ol’ days of her career.

It’s not a respectful portrayal if you make jokes about a trans woman’s genitals. It’s not a respectful portrayal if the other characters out her. It’s not a respectful portrayal if the studio audience actually laughs when she comes out. We can’t be showering the media with uncritical praise for this kind of thing. If we want representation to get better, we have to let people know. We have to work toward better stories and better characters. We can’t settle for things like this and call it a positive portrayal. After all, if this is what’s considered respectful, we’re never going to be treated like the women, or even the human beings, that we are.

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Mey Rude is a fat, trans, Latina lesbian living in LA. She's a writer, journalist, and a trans consultant and sensitivity reader. You can follow her on twitter, or go to her website if you want to hire her.

Mey has written 572 articles for us.


  1. Ugh, this fucking show. I’m actually a little surprised that this wasn’t as bad as I expected, but that doesn’t mean it’s good. Someone please cancel this crap already!

    • Pretty much. I get the feeling that half of the praise is based on comparing Two and a Half Men’s treatment of this issue versus its treatment of everything else. So, better than they usually are! But still with the sensitivity and tact of a stereotypical frat-boy.

  2. Cringing, this episode sounds like it was a mess.

    I wonder what went down in the writer’s room, like, “And then, we’ll have her paying the bill!”

  3. i dont actually watch this show, but i think their portrayal of a trans character seems to be exactly what i would have thought it would be. uch. its almost enough to make me want to write my own sitcom..

  4. The shitty thing is that the general audience will probably see this as an okay way to respond to a trans woman. And, as you pointed out, they’re getting praise for being “enlightened” and probably seen as heartwarmingly progressive…shit.

    • Agreed. I can´t really decide what’s worse, the show itself or the audience’s reaction to it…

  5. Hell Yes! I was hoping this would be covered here as many of the online LGBT outlets were falling all over themselves with praise for this, ugh. Thank you Mey for not only pointing out what was wrong but WHY it was wrong. I’m definitely going to be sharing this article with other straight friends of mine. Hopefully one of these days we can evolve past the ‘trans woman character has to talk about their genitals to everyone’ trope that seems like it is contractually bound to any film / TV narrative in which we are somehow represented. Here’s hoping …

  6. You are so right. Watching this episode (I had never seen the series before, but had a sense of what to expect) I felt myself trembling with a mix of anger, frustration, and the plucking of the strings of my own internalized transphobia. I mean, how low is the bar when this is what merits praise? The entire narrative frames her being trans as an obstacle to overcome, suggests that she had an obligation to come out to him prior to sex, and on and on. There were so many negative tropes and stereotypes, they couldn’t have been more offensive if they had tried. I’m not convinced they weren’t trying.

    • “How low is the bar when this is what merits praise?” YES. Exactly that. Patting CBS on the back for this will do absolutely nothing to demand better coverage.

  7. I so agree, this was a horrible representation – BUT IT’S TWO AND A HALF MEN. This show is so misogynistic, and has repeated tired tropes about cis women and lesbians every single episode…honestly, I think they deserve praise because it was a stretch for their audience to even treat a trans* character with basic dignity. Of course it wasn’t perfect. But the fact that millions of average, red-state, unenlightened Americans saw a cis male happily date a trans* woman IS AWESOME, even if some off-color jokes were made. Be more upset about Glee, that show purports to be politically correct and help people learn to love themselves, this show is nothing but idiotic drivel and enjoys its position as such.

    • Don’t forget the international audiences. That piece of crap gets exported all over the world

  8. “Not once was (Paula) called a man, nor were any transphobic slurs used at any point during the episode.”

    That’s when I knew for sure this was going to be bad. It also makes me wonder if they actually considered either/both of those options at some point in the writing process.

  9. Did we really expect anything better though – I mean, praising this show for not fucking up 100% isn’t exactly high praise. So tired of the fact that this show still exists.

  10. Watch “Two and a Half Men” and expecting non-transphobic character treatment is like watching “Two and a Half Men” and expecting non-sexist treatment of females. It’s just not possible. It’s a sleazy, creepy show whose only redeeming factor is that it gave Holland Taylor a job.

  11. It’s Still A Lot Better Than Glee :P a cold, hard fact. still better than…anything save the next season of OITNB. Which isn’t filmed yet.

    *actually OITNB to date was better in many ways, except it’s about past, past and more past – in direct violation of the Truth according to Peter Carroll, aka bidirectional quantum model of time involving not only the future collapsing to a determinate state but also past unfolding back into indeterminacy, the present being the only determinate state. Like, don’t Laverne and Jody know even the basics of Chaos paradigm? People…do they even read? *sigh*.

  12. I read the headline and immediately started cringing. This is better than I’d expected, but only because I’d expected the *absolute* worst, and this is only mostly the worst. Ugh.

  13. Brilliant as ever, Mey. I wish more people understood the distinction between showing a character and respecting her, and understood why we have to call for better when we’re offered portrayals like this as though they’re enlightened and groundbreaking.

  14. I’m really glad you wrote this, all I’ve read so far was how great the episode was. The other articles just praised it because it wasn’t blatantly rude to a trans* person. It was by no means a good portrayal of a trns person. I didn’t much like what little bit of it I saw and was very surprised that the show was getting so much positive praise. It felt like they were saying “hey as long as you don’t kill the character and call them the wrong gender, you are awesome!”

  15. Yeah, it is to be expected. We actually talked about this in a philosophy class I take. Many people argued that just because it’s expected is it permissible?

    I over-analyze. Urfgh..

  16. at least they got to talk about it. the fact that people would take a second look and go “hey, trans people are real and they exist” is a good thing. appropriate or not, visibility matters.
    besides… you know that’s how straight people think. Is it ignorance? maybe. the majority of straight people doesn’t even know what is the meaning of lesbian sex. It’s a freakin’ puzzle to them.
    I think they laughed not because paula is trans, they laughed because they can see themselves in alan. there’s a heterosexual person out there that would say the exact same things alan said. so it’s funny to them because they can relate.

    • They can relate because they’re homophobic/transphobic assholes with no incentive to change because they aren’t the ones being murdered/assaulted/discriminated against on a regular basis. What apologist bullshit.

  17. This is Two and a Half Men. They’re insulting to everyone. Alan is the pathetic loser who everyone thinks is gay. Berta is the fat ugly maid who doesn’t do much of anything. Jake is the idiot who farts a lot, and Charlie is the fuck hound. Ashton is a clueless moron left over from That ’70s Show.

    Did you expect any less? The truth is: Two and a Half Men was made by a guy who was stuck in the ’70s, and you could tell by his attempts at pop culture references. Lorre’s other shows like Big Bang Theory, Mom and Mike and Molly tried a little harder to be more contemporary.

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