Evan Rachel Wood And Kate Moennig Break Up, Earth Implodes, Sadness Ensues

feature images via Getty

In mid-October, we breathlessly reported that the glorious romantic union of fictional Lothario Kate Moennig and Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual was a real thing happening in our lives. We were delighted to learn that two very goodlooking, very famous human beings were maybe/definitely kissing each other on the regular. How innocent we were then! So young and full of promise! It is with our deepest regrets that we inform you that according to trustworthy sources at Us Magazine, our favourite power-couple of 2014 may have gone their separate ways. We never even got to give them a catchy name!

Although the two had been reportedly text-flirting since February of 2013, it seems that the relationship itself was only a couple of months or maybe even weeks old – a great deal of anticipation for a relationship that burned too brightly, and could not last. You were too pure for this world, Kate and Evan. The world just wasn’t ready.

A forlorn Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual has been tweeting very sad things, the modern equivalent of leaving a bunch of heart-wrenching Fiona Apple lyrics in your AIM away message.

Kate Moennig has tweeted a lot about television shows she’s been watching.

To be fair, the only solid evidence we have of this (dreamy) affair is their singular appearance at a Los Angeles gala last month – beyond that, their relationship remains a complete mystery. The two were rarely photographed together, never spotted gazing lovingly into each others’ eyes over a $30 kale salad, never adopted a rescue cat together. A solid 99.9% of their relationship happened inside my own imagination.

Like the relationship itself, the reasons for the break-up have been very private. At this time, there is no reason to suspect that Moennig left Wood at the altar at a picturesque ski resort in British Columbia, paid for by a very rich British woman the couple barely knew. A source tells Us that the split may only be a break, which fills our hearts with hope for the future.

Commenters on said Us Magazine article made sure to remind Evan Rachel Wood that she only just divorced her husband (determined ballet dancer Jamie Bell) this past spring, and that probably she isn’t really bisexual anyway. Those people are all gross.

In these trying times, dear reader, we hope that both Moennig and Wood are taking excellent care of themselves, not watching each others’ movies obsessively and crying in the shower (which is what I’d be doing/am doing, whatever). Evan, if you want to get brunch and talk about your feelings, I’m around all week and I’ll even buy you a mimosa. It’s good to get out of the house, girl. We’re all here for you.

Screenshot 2014-11-16 22.44.07

…Oh girl.


Are you following us on Facebook?

Profile gravatar of Stef

Stef Schwartz is a founding member and the self-appointed Vapid Fluff Editor at Autostraddle.com. She currently resides in New York City, where she spends her days writing songs nobody will ever hear and her nights telling much more successful musicians what to do. Follow her on twitter and/or instagram.

Stef has written 333 articles for us.

32 Comments

  1. oh. It sucks that they have broken up, if this is true. Stef this is how good a writer you are, you have me upset and brooding on the failure of a relationship that may have never happened but for your imagination and enabling my desperate fantasy for attractive women to find each other and build nests together. Such potential poured to the 4 winds

  2. “At this time, there is no reason to suspect that Moennig left Wood at the altar at a picturesque ski resort in British Columbia, paid for by a very rich British woman the couple barely knew.” … Okay I actually just snort LOL’d! Thank you for making this crappy day bareable!

  3. So all thanks to the dailymail, our most stalkerish, how can that be legal, leave these people alone newspaper here in the uk, I have seen photographic proof, there are drapped arms and hand holding.I didn’t want to post the link here in case it gets you in trouble.
    Maybe next week they will report them in different towns in different 24 shops both wearing comfy over sized clothes, buying giant tubs of ice cream and half bottles of gin.

  4. “You’re gone and I gotta stay
    High all the time
    To keep you off my mind
    Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
    High all the time
    To keep you off my mind
    Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
    Spend my days locked in a haze
    Trying to forget you babe
    I fall back down
    Gotta stay high all my life
    To forget I’m missing you
    Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh”

  5. “To be fair, the only solid evidence we have of this (dreamy) affair is their singular appearance at a Los Angeles gala last month – beyond that, their relationship remains a complete mystery. The two were never photographed together, never spotted gazing lovingly into each others’ eyes over a $30 kale salad, never adopted a rescue cat together. A solid 99.9% of their relationship happened inside my own imagination.”

    To be fair, they were photographed multiple times together, including a set of photographs where Moennig’s arms were wrapped around Wood with Wood’s fingers interlocked with Moennig’s. Maybe you should do just a tiny bit of research before posting an article?

  6. You are delightfully funny and have filled my evening with joy. You know like that little cartoon character joy from inside out? JOY! I plan to now make a habit of reading you on the regular 🙂

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.