Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide 2013: What We Really Want

Laura Mandanas, Contributing Editor

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Diptyque Philosykos Shower Gel
Diptyque Philosykos is the perfume I use and I’m obsessed with it. It’s sweet and a little bit earthy. It smells like sunshine and fresh leaves and heaven. I feel weird about spending so much money on body wash, which is why I haven’t already bought it for myself, but I would love it if somebody else bought it for me.

Mischief Maker Scarf in Navy
Everyone in my cabin at A-Camp 4.0 came prepared with impressive amounts of funny/ironic/super cute animal themed clothing, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. (Yes, really.) I tried on a few cat sweaters last month and they just don’t look good on me. Scarves, however, look good on everyone, and I really think that owning this one would up my wardrobe game.

Hybrid Gear 2-Way Carry-On Black
I travel a lot. And even though I pack light, I’m constantly annoyed by a) how heavy my backpack is, or b) what a pain in the ass it is to go up and down the stairs with my roller luggage. This roller backpack would solve those problems for me.

Unicorn Kigurumi Pink
I would be so comfortable in this. I would look so adorable in this. Please buy this for me. I will love you forever.


Vanessa, Straddleverse Editor

1. Floral Print Dresses, Duh

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Highest Praise Dress / Adrift on a Cloud Dress / When the Night Comes Dress in Emerald Dress / On the Wings of Your Fancy Dress / Art of Gold Dress
The truth is, basically every single year I want to be gifted with a million floral print dresses for the holidays. My birthday is December 21, so not only do I spend the whole month searching for beautiful frocks to wear to holiday parties and on New Year’s Eve, but I also need at least two dresses to wear for my birthday because in case you don’t know this about me, I like to make my birthday celebration last a month, minimum. This year I’m turning 25 which is a big one, so probably it should last for two months. Also, let’s be real, even if absolutely none of these events were happening, I’d still want a million floral print dresses, because that is just who I am as a person. As I said last year, ModCloth has an entire section devoted to The Floral Print Dress, which makes it very easy for me to put together a wishlist and also blow my entire life’s savings all in one go. This year I decided that maybe I should go for “elegant floral” at all these holiday and birthday parties, which I’ve decided means picking out dresses that have lacy floral patterns instead of just regular floral print designs. Which do you like best?

2. Pants Suck, Undies Rule

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Think Happy Dots Undies / Energetic All Day Undies / Ros of Sunshine Undies / Take to Vacation Undies / Edgy Underneath Undies
I hate wearing pants. Honestly it’s the worst. The best moment of the day is when you get home from work or school or whatever the heck you’ve had to do that day that involves the cruel torture of putting on pants, because once you’re home you can finally take off your pants! If you haven’t spoken to your roomies about walking around with no pants on I think you should do this ASAP because honestly it will make your world so much better. Ditto to taking off your bra. Who has time for bras and pants in the comfort of one’s own home?! Not me, that’s for sure. That said, people usually respond better to you taking off your pants if you’re covering up your butt with something else while prancing around your shared kitchen. This is fair, so I’ve decided that if I’m going to continue pursuing my pantsless-as-often-as-possible lifestyle, I should have some cute undies to show off once my pants come off. If you’re looking to buy underwear I strongly suggest you check out our Boyshorts 101 Guide and the follow-up Boyshorts and Girltrunks 102 Guide but if you’re specifically interested in knowing what undies I would like to put on my body, I’m into this polka dot pair, this floral print pair, this sexy pair, this comfy travel-themed pair, and this high-waisted pair, mostly because it’s called Edgy Underneath. Wild!

3. P.S., I Love You

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Owl Notecards / Hello Kitty Stationary / Lisa Frank Stationary / Watercolor Birds Stationary
I’m about to embark on this big adventure where I travel around the country and maybe even the world and I don’t plan to be on the internet very much because I keep hearing that there is life beyond my iPhone and it would behoove me and my eyesight and my wrists to explore all these wide open spaces. I can handle the idea of never clicking another Buzzfeed URL but the thought of losing touch with the humans I love is really terrifying. Luckily, before there was email and Facebook there were handwritten letters. But in order to write letters, I need some stationary. These owl notecards, Hello Kitty set, Lisa Frank set (!!!), and cute watercolor birds set seem like a good way to start my collection.

4. But She Cry Cry Cries In Her Lonely Heart

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Kleenex 12 Pack
I cry all the time. I’m not ashamed. I have a lot of feelings and usually they leak out of my eyes at least once a day. Seriously, if you’ve ever dated me, I’m sorry for all the times I ruined the collar of your shirt with my tears/mascara/snot (sexy, I know). But all of that could have been avoided if I just had a pack of Kleenex on my person at all times. This gift may not seem romantic, but it totally is. You know what they say: Give a girl a single Kleenex and you’ll help her through one tearstained experience of the day. Give a girl multiple packs of Kleenex to keep in her own Autostraddle tote and you’ll help her through every tearstained experience for the rest of her life. (JK a 12-pack would definitely only last me like, a week, but still the thought is very sweet and romantic, I promise.)


Yvonne, Associate Editor

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Fossil Memoir Novella Bag
My sister gave me an adorable, brown leather crossbody she brought from Italy a few years ago. Its my favorite purse because its compact, simple and it carries my essentials: wallet, keys, phone and lip balm. Not to mention it matches almost everything. So I was really sad when the buckle on it broke and fell off. I think it could be replaced but I realized maybe its time to get a new purse. Not surprisingly, I want something similar to the purse my sister gave me because I’m boring and predictable.

Classic Essentials Knife Set
Y’all I want knives for Christmas. I love cooking and I need some good fucking knives to get the job done. I have flimsy, dull knives from my college days when I didn’t cook as much. I need a pro knife to chop onions, cilantro, tomatoes, jalapeños and limes to make a mean pico de gallo. I like this set because it has the essentials and comes in a compact storage block.

Keurig Elite Coffee Brewer
I don’t own a coffee maker and it’s a problem. I need caffeine coursing through my body to write emails and edit words for this lovely website. I only drank coffee in college for all-nighters and to write 10-page papers so it’s only recently that I drink it more regularly. At my last job, I fell in love with the office Keuring because it was so easy to use. You just press a few buttons and bam! — there’s a cup of perfectly brewed joe waiting for you. So now I want one in my home.


Jamie, Writer

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Book Rest Lamp
I’m convinced that the reason I need glasses stems from my chidhood years of readings books with my Carebears nightlight. I’ve got a complicated lamp set-up next to my bed now – but it’s too bright and the cord bumps into my head. This book rest lamp not only is a cute and easy way to save your place as you drift off to sleep, but it also provides a soft light that’s perfect for late night reading.

The World’s Smallest Post Service
I love miniature things, writing letters, and sending mail. This little kit is the perfect marriage of all these things. It’s got everything you need, from paper to envelope seals, to make tiny mail surprises for your friends.

Moleskine Evernote Smart Notebook
I’m always carrying a notebook and jotting things down to remember. The problem is, since I have so many notebooks, whenever I go back to find a certain note, I have to search through pages and pages to find what I need. Moleskine’s “smart notebook” allows for easy digital uploading and organizing of your handwritten notes. The “smart pages” work with Evernote’s in-app camera, allowing for certain tags to categorize each page. This handy little book will still let me stay attached to the physical act of writing while having a digital backup when I can’t find that one special line I need to finish my slam poem.


Dani RDS, Writer

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Knucklecase
Technically I should be requesting the practical case that would make my commuting booty significantly happier as a result of my headphones actually being accessible/not a nightmare. Who needs practical when you can have badass? I learned about the existence of the Knucklecase through Rhianna’s Instagram, and even though the TSA would confiscate it, I want it. That’s what Christmas is for: presents that I lust after for long enough to have my loved ones chip in for them, no matter how impractical.

Pop Blocks Gray Pink Headphones
Talking about headphones, these gray pretty things make my white-adverse face really happy. I particularly like this brand because the case makes for a super practical storage situation for my relentless commute.

Mfight Line Green
A last word on my commute: my bike is neon yellow and black just like a bumble bee, so I feel like this green Line bike light would not only add to my safety, but to my bee concept as well.

Dakota Coat / Topman Trench Coat
I also most definitely want the BB Dakota coat for my fancy femme nights, and the Topman trench coat for my decidedly quiet boy nights. The fact that I live in San Francisco and rarely have a reason to wear coats this heavy is irrelevant.

Moleskine Cahier Journals
Finally, a really great, simple way to make me happy is by providing me with extra pens (I have a favorite that I buy in bulk) and Molekine pocket notebook with squared paper. Squared paper is the way to my heart.


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62 Comments

  1. mey i am 100% with you on the mykki blanco love. when she first uploaded wavvy, i would listen to it every. single. day. on my to and from work commute for two whole months to the point where i could now recite those verse backwards i think? motherfucking rookie of the year

    look at how seriously everyone else took this assignment, i’m really glad i didn’t go with my original plan of 5 different nicolas cage body pillows.

  2. I preordered Hyperbole and a Half and I did not regret it one bit.

    ALSO I feel like someone should just get Vanessa a very nice and cozy set of handkerchiefs for her feelings. I tried to remember to carry a hanky in my pocket last camp I was at in case I ran into someone with a lot of feelings. Unfortunately, when I had feelings, I had forgotten one, and when I ran into a girl with feelings, I was drunk and forgot it was in my pocket and told her terrible jokes instead.

    also you can flag with them SO

  3. DeAnne- ideas for using salt with espelette chili pepper salt? Just got some as a gift to take home to my vegan BFF (who is the hardest person to shop for, not because she is vegan) and I know if I don’t give her ideas for it then it will probably sit on a shelf until her cats find it and decorate the kitchen floor with it.

  4. It is taking all the self control i posses not to buy the nic cage pillow. my not-as-ironic-as-i-let-people-think-it-is love for nic cage knows no bounds.

    • Haha I know! That’s why it’s on MY wish list! Probs would never buy it for myself but if my mother or girlfriend happen to be reading…..

      • You’re brown! Agh. Missed that. Sorry. You’re golden. Also, it’s weird that Amazon is selling “smudge sticks.” I guess you really can get anything on Amazon.
        (For the record, I don’t know much about them. My ndn grandma’s healer person uses something like them, and I know a bunch of buddhist Vietnamese that use something like them. I just side eye the hell out of white hipsters who try to use them)

  5. Aw, nobody wants a PS4 (that’s kinda what I’d like, personally)? Or even an X-Box One? =)

    For peelers, I have three, but I usually use this one, and it’s worked great for me.

    • I’m tempted by a PS4 after yeaaaaars of being an Xbox person but it’s a big life decision, y’know? Also I did contemplate adding a couple of console RPGs to the list – Assassin’s Creed IV and Skyrim Legendary, to be exact – but I am still mourning the TERRIBLE end of the Mass Effect trilogy so it’ll take me a while to learn to trust again.

    • my girlfriend wants an X-Box!
      so do i because the DVD drive on my laptop eats things and we have no way to watch DVDs and I think you can do that on an x-box right
      i don’t know how to play video games except mario kart and duck hunt

  6. This all looks amazing! The space print stuff especially. Notebooks and animal print stuff does seem to be the way to the hearts of most of the Autostraddle staff!

    • we’re a predictable bunch. a snuggly and prone to writing our feelings predictable bunch, but predictable nonetheless ;)

  7. I’m fairly surprised only one sex toy made it onto the list – and that it was possibly the shiest human who put it there. You win, Hansen.

  8. My wish list:

    1. A good book about intersectionality – recommendations?
    2. A thermos
    3. A brew kit

    … I wouldn’t be adverse to a lady in a Santa hat falling out of the sky

    And got my Autostraddle pin and shirt today (like super fast, too, from the other side of the country), so the self-gifting has begun!

      • Danke! I am woefully behind on reading bell hooks, and did look at the Feminist Gift Guide longingly. Let’s say that you are a totally newbie and have a limited attention span/time for non-Autostraddle articles and things that are not related to your grad school thesis. If you had to recommend ONE book as a user friendly starting point for daydreaming about these issues on your walks home, which one would it be?

        • Zami is one of my favourite books of all time! Plus since you mentioned that you’re in grad school, I think you’ll appreciate having something written in a non-academic way for your free time.

        • Can’t reply directly to your suggestion — but thanks! I love Audre Lorde’s poetry, so I can’t imagine loving her other work as well.

  9. I really cannot recommend the ‘Hyperbole and a Half’ book enough. It is pure, undistilled hilarity in book form.

    Also seconding Mey’s recommendation for the Batwoman trade. She’s a great character and JH Williams’ art is stunningly beautiful. Seriously, did anyone else get the first ‘Sandman: Overture’ issue? I just sat there and stared at that thing, it was so pretty.

  10. “I love miniature things, writing letters, and sending mail.”

    OMG ME TOO! Jamie, you have the best taste!

  11. “I hate wearing pants. Honestly it’s the worst. The best moment of the day is when you get home from work or school or whatever the heck you’ve had to do that day that involves the cruel torture of putting on pants, because once you’re home you can finally take off your pants!”

    Vanessa, it’s like you’re speaking to my soul

  12. “You can just do it! You can just enjoy things! No one’s judging you! Have fun! (These last four sentences double as general self-affirmations, whether or not you’re drawing.)”

    Beyond perfect!!!

  13. racheeeeeeeel i hope you make someone you get the T3. this is the most expensive single thing i’ve ever bought for myself (with the bag and memory cards and. no joke i started sweating in best buy when i handed the cashier my card. legitimately sweating. but like rachel. it’s so fun. in fact it’s so fun i still sweat with excitement when i use it. hot sweaty fun camera.

      • I would make a mention of the T3i as it’s a bit better(specially in terms of speed and video capabilities), and if fact have seen in commercials going for a pretty nice price bundled with a memory card and bag.

        I kind of had that swearing moment when I was buying a tv, but now I couldn’t be more relaxed about having it.

  14. I asked *everyone* for that same Cuisinart pot, but I doubt I’m getting it because it’s so ‘spensive. Obsessive compulsive tea lovers unite!

  15. I really all of the Lisa Frank on this list.

    Also, after I told my mother that I wanted a Nintendo 2DS and the new Pokemon game for Christmas her response was “Isn’t that what I got you when you were 8?”

  16. Everyone keeps asking me what I want and only today I realized I want a new backpack and toque. And possibly new clothes (but if I tell my relatives that, I’ll end up with a collection fitted women’s clothes, which ain’t how I roll). I’m also contemplating overalls because they are fucking comfortable

  17. OMG I don’t even care that my nerd is coming out with that infectious disease card game! How have I never heard of this before??

  18. there’s so much good stuff on here, my own christmas list just quadrupled. also I feel like I learned a lot about everyone from their lists.

  19. My girlfriend used chalkboard paint to turn her table into a chalkboard. Although, when I visit I just use it to draw math problems…. But I’m sure it’s perfect for lists and things (though not vertical writing skills, sorry Cara)

  20. There’s a guide to Twin Peaks?!! I need that!!! It will hang out next to Laura Palmer’s diary and they will be creepy fucked up book friends.

    Also that is a perfect fedora. Nice choice.

  21. Doctor Who Monopoly would fit perfectly into my collection of nerdy Monopoly games. Which really only consists of 2 different Star Wars editions and a Lord of the Rings version.

  22. About that Chewbacca bathrobe. Amazon actually has a number of Stars Wars-inspired bathrobes if Chewy isn’t your thing. I’ve personally got my eye on the Boba Fett and Jedi ones.

  23. The black lace “Highest Praise Dress”! Can’t decide if I want to wear it or buy it for someone. Probably both.

  24. Chalkboard! Colored chalk! I get so excited by anything work/office/school related…Give me a new sketchbook! Sharpie kit! Commercial grade paper cutter!

  25. omg i put the Lisa Frank stickers on my wish listtttttt.

    omg galaxy clothesssssss (of which i own none)

    hehehe moleskinnies~ (oh art skewlings & the many times of seeing pretentious fellow students exclusively using Moleskines– they just kind of make me giggle [though i did use one once in conjunction with another sketchbook])

    Also, i had a Treehouses of the World calendar as my calendar for last year, & it was super cool. (: This past year my calendar was one where for each day there was a different piece of art from the Met in New York, depending on the theme of the month.

    Also MUGS. i have a thing for mugs. it’s kind of a problem

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