50 of the Gayest Nerdiest Things You Weirdos Named Your Pets

This month’s “Queer With Your Pets” gallery, which solicited reader photos of human beings with their animal friends, netted a whopping 230 submissions, and it’s a glorious gallery and a nice thing to have in our lives right now!

I noticed something very interesting while reading through the entire gallery despite my very public and consistent opposition to the existence of cats — y’all are super gay and also big nerds. Like if you were in my house and I woke up and walked downstairs and saw you sitting at the table I would say to you, “Hello, you’re gay and also a big nerd.” If your pet has a gay nerdy name and it’s not on this list I’m sorry I had to stop before the list became 230 items long, I love you to pieces and I love your pet and your pet’s name, unless it’s a cat, in which case I love looking at pictures of your cat but would rather not see it in person because of allergies. Thank you so much!

Feel free to vote in the comments on the Gayest Pet Name.


1. Ramona
“We got her when she was ‘Ramona Age 8 Weeks’ but she quickly grew into ‘Ramona the Pest.'”

2. Stella
“After Gillian Anderson’s character in The Fall”

3. Harvey Milk
“Full name City Supurrvisor Harvard Pigpen Poopy-pants Milk Karvonen-Quigley.”

4. Mary Oliver
“I adopted her after moving to New York because I couldn’t survive grad school on glitter trash island without the ‘soft animal of [my] body.’ That’s a line from Mary Oliver’s poem “Wild Geese.'”

5. Lilith
“After the biblical Lilith”

6. Butch

7. Lady Galadriel
“Once, we were watching Lord of the Rings and Lady Galadriel appears on screen in all her terrifying glory, and I glance over to the girl cat to see if she’s paying attention, and I swear she was literally glowing. Like an elfin goddess. She named herself.”

8. Countess Sparklybitch
“In honour of Countess Markiewicz, a heroine of the uprising.”

9. Batman
“I changed Batman’s name from Brian… it didn’t seem to suit him.”

10. Scout
“I agreed [to name her Scout] cause I love To Kill a Mockingbird.”

11. Scout
“In honor of Brenda’s time as a Girl Scout”

12. Captain Killian
“A badass but sensitive pirate (AKA Captain Hook!) on ABCs Once Upon A Time.”

13. Whiskey
“We got Whiskey when she was a puppy in CT (we lived in Boston at the time). We named her after Whiskey in Dollhouse (she only ever wanted to be the best!) although now we just sound like alcoholics a lot.”

14. Whisky
“He looks like a delicious whisky and I think it’s a pleasantly gender neutral name.”

15. Brice
“After Williams-Brice Stadium, the football home of the University of South Carolina Gamecocks.”

16. Henry & Hazel
“Henry’s full name is Henry Tim Riggins. Henry because he’s a little gentleman, and if you don’t get Tim Riggins, I can’t possibly explain it. Hazel’s full name is Hazelnut Clover, and it’s because we like old lady names. Plus nature-y things. The alliteration with her brother’s name is also good!”

17. Ziggy
“Ziggy is short for ziggurat, which means ‘strong tower.'”

18. Matti
“I was seeing a girl at the time who reignited my interest in baseball cards and more specifically Don Mattingly, so we named her after him.”

19. Luna Fluffgood

20. Luna
“I named her Luna, because I’m a witch, and I also love Sailor Moon, and her astrological sign is Cancer, which is ruled by the moon.”

21. Gertrude
“I named her Gertrude, after Stein, because she reminded me of an elderly lesbian.”

22. Taro
“Taro / 芋仔 is basically a Taiwanese potato, and he’s a little potato for sure.”

22. Junia
“The first (and possibly only) woman apostle that Paul mentions in the New Testament.”

23. Bishka
“I named her Bishka because it’s the diminutive for Albina – the name of my celebrity “root.”  Albina in various languages means “white”, and her namesake is known for being a mercurial ice queen which fits perfectly with my cat’s tendency to be incredibly affectionate for 15 minutes but protest loudly for the rest of her life if you dare to pet her outside those confined periods. Bishka is a very lesbian cat because she hates male cats, rocks an alternative lifestyle wardrobe without complaint, and is really good at processing her feelings openly and loudly. She’s very much a teenager in her angst and emotions, and my girlfriend and I have been pouring our energy in helping her manage her stress, but sometimes all we can do is let her storm off and have her tantrums in private because her moms will just never understand how life is so unfair.  She loves using hands as a pillow and sometimes will knead fleecy blankets while simultaneously chewing on them (something I’ve dubbed her “nom-and-knead”)”

24. Neville
“I’m a huge Harry Potter fan”

25. Mikoto
“…an anime character who turns into a cat when she gets hungry.”

26. Leonardo DiCatrio
“I debated whether to name him after Leonardo DaVinci or DiCaprio. Ultimately, the pun won out.”

27. Sprout
“a member of the band Northern State.”

28. Lucy
“I named her after Lucille Ball, which, IMHO, is pretty gay.”

29. Charles Avocado VanGogh
“I wanted his name to be VanGogh (my favorite painter), my ex wanted his name to be Charlie (after Charlie Day from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia). I took up calling him Charles, which really happened to work out once I realized RuPaul’s last name is Charles. And I loved Avocados, so it was natural to make that his last name.”

30. Elliot
“…after Elliot Reid, the Scrubs character (one of my favorite shows).”

31. Moz
“a nickname for Morrissey”

32. Firepaw
“Paw’s full name is Firepaw because I was 10 and very into the Warrior Cat series.”

33. Jezebel
“My partner and I chose ‘Jezebel’ because we liked it, but it turned out to be a very accurate description – she is the queen of all of us.”

34. Waverly
“After our favorite brave little toaster, Waverly Earp.”

35. Neera
“My name in Persian means goddess of water, so when I was looking for names for her I learnt Neera means ‘pure water’ but also nectar/wine which i thought was a fun fit!”

36. Esme
“Esme” means loved, and also shining (think of the emeralds!), and we have several fictional Esmeraldas that we like (including granny Weatherwax from Discworld and Esmeralda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame).”

37. River
“I named her for two of my favorite strong, female, syfy, characters, River Song and River from FireFly.”

38. Prim
“I didn’t think she’d make it and I definitely felt like I volunteered as tribute, so I named her Prim (Hunger Games).”

39. Fergie
“…after Duchess Fergie, who nobody knows anymore”

41. Beverly
“Dr. Beverly Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation”

42. Clark
“…after Clark Kent, because I’m a huge Superman fan, but also sort of Clarke Griffin from The 100.”

43. Grand Duchess Faolin Von Pixelface
“The first half of her name is after a video game character (Guild Wars 2) and the second half is because of the single white dot or pixel on her forehead.”

44. Giles
“One of my favorite Buffy characters is Rupert Giles.”

45. Gordie Howe
“Named after the Detroit hockey legend.”

46. Kiki
“I love the film Kiki’s Delivery Service and couldn’t let go of the idea of naming my smoky grey cat after an adorable witch.”

47. Kenzi
“From Lost Girl.”

48. Agatha Kitty
“Yes, I like Agatha Christie. No, I have not seen the Doctor Who episode.”

49. Stewie
“Stewie, whose full name is Kristen Stewart (because let’s face it, they look exactly alike), was surrendered by her previous owner to Indianapolis Animal Care Services me would suit him very well.”

50. Auto
“Take a wild guess why I decided on that name.”


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Riese is the 36-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

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54 Comments

  1. I also have a cat named Galadriel! She’s a sweet quirky old lady at 17 who likes to chew plastic and lick grocery bags. She will also headbutt your hand if you snap your fingers, no matter how many times in a row you do it. She likes her face held, too. If you provide the hand, she will hide her face in it and sit there for a full five minutes. I now have a set of small stairs leading up to my bed so she can get up and down without aggravating her arthritis. I love her so much.

  2. We didn’t get our crap together in time to submit our pics, but I feel the need to share our chickens’ names: Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff (who is currently molting and not very happy with life), and Peggy Schuyler. Also, props to the cat and rat named after Dr. Beverly Crusher. We totally were going to use that as a chicken name but none of these hens seemed like a Beverly.

  3. I’m very sorry I missed this previously! My wife and I have a fluffy black cat we named Impurretor Furriosa (Mad Max: Fury Road). Her momma cat is named Portia, mostly because we found her on the porch and yes just a little bit because Ellen Degeneres’ wife.

  4. I love these. The names are so much fun.

    I use my (late) cat as my AS avatar / name, which it turns out is pretty damn gay. Her full name was Cleo Catra, with many, many nicknames, including the yellow dart and whimperpants.

  5. I totally biffed it on the deadline, but my weirdo fuzzbutt cat’s name is Moony (after Remus Lupin). He’s a bit scruffy looking and had a rough start in life and has a bunch of health problems, but remains the sweetest cuddliest cat (who also might think he’s a dog?) so it seemed a good fit.

  6. Oh my god, I didn’t expect you to include the ENTIRE ESSAY for explaining my cat’s name. Now I just look like a pedantic weirdo.

    (My cat is Bishka and since I submitted she has escaped twice but comes home on her own time after she’s given her mom’s sufficient grey hairs for her joyruns.)

  7. I didn’t get it together in time to submit to the actual gallery, but my cat’s name is Pandora, after both the character from UK Skins, and the Greek myth about Pandora’s box. The Human Society had named her Patty, and I thought that was a boring name, so I wracked my brain for another “P” name to call her, and settled on Pandora. Though just like her namesake, I mostly call her Panda, and people get very confused because she’s white and orange not white and black!

  8. The name Pip was brought to my attention from Great Expectations, but I didn’t really name my dog after him. My beagle Pip was the runt of his litter, weighing less than four pounds when we got him. So I named him Pipsqueak. Fast forward to today, and of course I now have a giant beagle (16″ tall, 27 lbs), whose parents were both 13″.

    I also have a dwarf hamster named Moose. That one was on purpose.

  9. My cat is called Socks because she’s black with white socks. Inventive, I know! We’ve had her for 15 years and she has a spiky personality and abandonment issues (we adopted her after my dad saw her being abandoned at the roadside).

  10. My cat’s name’s Heathcliff cos we found him as a stray and brought him home with us. I didn’t realise when I named him that our dog (rip) was called Cathy. Heathcliff and Cathy became really close. Like ok they weren’t romantic cos that would be weird but they were always a pair.

    Heath was grey. Cathy was yellow. I used to call them pound coin (it was the past) and fifty p as well. And the sun and the moon…

  11. “Once, we were watching Lord of the Rings and Lady Galadriel appears on screen in all her terrifying glory, and I glance over to the girl cat to see if she’s paying attention, and I swear she was literally glowing. Like an elfin goddess. She named herself.”

    This is how Jack Harkness got his name. He really loves John Barrowman even when he’s not in Torchwood and once raced across my grandparents house to watch Dancing with the Stars with them because he heard his voice on the TV. Also he loves posing in high places so it works.

  12. 8. Countess Sparklybitch
    “In honour of Countess Markiewicz, a heroine of the uprising.”

    Noblecat solidarity! Our cat bears the cognomen “Countess Cátory” after Countess Báthory, the world’s most prolific and perhaps most gruesome female serial killer. Because she’s earned it.

  13. Loving this behind-the-scenes look at pet names <3

    Our cats are named Sora and Dexter. Sora is named after the main character of the Kingdom Hearts video game series. He was originally named Graham, but it didn’t quite fit. Sora works well because he’s rambunctious and full of energy like his video game namesake.

    Dexter is named after Dexter’s Laboratory. However, people often asked if he’s named after the fictional serial killer. He is not like his actual namesake or his presumed namesake. We tend to call him more by his nicknames that are closer to his personality and nature: spud, pretty boy, and chubs.

  14. You obviously forgot Hermione, the name of my very amazing black and white kitty, who despite being a mix of black and white is VERY MUCH NOT A MUDBLOOD THANK YOU VERY MUCH NO SLURS ALLOWED OR YOU WILL BE PUNCHED LIKE DRACO.

  15. When I saw this article I was like THIS ONE IS FOR ME AND I AM DEFINITELY ON THIS LIST!

    And I am. Firepaw. Oh, 10 year old me and that Warrior Cats phase.

    This list also makes me a bit disappointed that I didn’t include a memorial photo for my old doggo (which I considered) because she had pretty much the gayest name: Xena, after Xena, Warrior Princess (which 10 year old me was also VERY INTO, thanks to our spotty antenna occasionally getting Canadian TV for that sweet sweet Saturday afternoon Xena). And Xena fit her real well, especially the gay part because she and Win were gal pals of the best sort and got along SO MUCH BETTER than Xena and any of our other cats had (COINCIDENTALLY all of the other cats that were around through Xena’s life were male cats).

  16. I have 3 pit bulls, named Luna (for the moon, cause she’s gay), Arya (GoT, also gay), and Sansa (gay). I’ve also got 3 cats, Little Kitty (long story, but he was Cordelia in the beginning), Tarot (as in the cards, cause witches), and Khaleesi (who came to me named)

  17. Please, whoever named their pet after Countess Markievicz, let me marry you <3 we'll soon have a Patrick Pearse to join the Countess. I own a book about the role of women in the uprising by Sinéad McCoole. It's the most beautiful thing, full of vintage photos of awesome Irish activists (this is probably an indicator of my gayness).

  18. I have a year old German Shepherd named Scout!! From To Kill A Mockingbird, but also because we were living at a camp when we got her and she was raised there and so Scout seemed appropriate. She is super athletic and loves swimming and running and she also dominates all the male dogs in her life

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