Would you rather give up sex forever or internet forever?
Sex forever? That’s all I ever wanted. You can have my laptop, phone and passwords. Bring on the pussy.
Roller coaster or haunted house?
Haunted house! My fantasy is sex with a lady ghost. One time I stayed in an old mining town hotel that according to legend was haunted by a madam who hated women. Hot, right? I was creeping around the hallways calling her all night. “Boo. Hey Boo?” Think I scared her.
Fuck/Marry/Kill: A bucket of queso cheese sauce, David Schwimmer, a coinstar machine.
Fuck cheese, marry Coinstar, kill Schwimmer.
Worst place you’ve ever vacationed?
What’s a vacation?
Finish this sentence: If you wanna be my lover, gotta get…
Blindfolded because my apartment is a mess.
Most awkward place you’ve ever broken up with someone:
When I was the worst lesbian on earth, I broke up with my girl at her waitressing job during dinner rush. I was in and out of there quick.
If you were a bag of chips, which one would you be?
When you say hi to a dog do you make eye contact with the owner first?
Not anymore. Dog owners can be such bitches.
What kind of lip balm do you use?
I wouldn’t want to make my lips any softer and moister than they already are. That’d be dangerous.
Do you like cats and if not, WHO HURT YOU?
A cat hurt me when I was a little child. First it attacked my dog. Then it saw I was wearing shorts and dug its claws in my legs and climbed up me. It took almost 20 bandaids to fix me. True story. Not all cats. Thanks for asking.
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My favorite questions are the F/M/K with 1 person and 2 inanimate objects. These are great and hilarious. Thanks!
I enjoyed all of this but this was my fave:
‘Between Jared Leto and a school bus, technically I’d rather marry a school bus, but I don’t want to see a person die.’
WHAT can happen as a result of ‘disuse’?? This is important information.
I’d like to see broader poll results of the no more sex vs. no more Internet question, with distribution across different age groups to see if it correlates with the supposed trend of younger people having less sex and spending more time online. Failing that, the F/M/K questions were my favourite.
I am so excited to read part 2 of this, and also I love Sara Benincasa
this was so funny hi
hi and thanks!
i had to google both “brats” and “scottie pippen” and i feel much more prepared for my trip to chicago now
Don’t forget to take lots of sweatpants!
fun fact: I own zero sweatpants because I wear yoga pants that riese recommended on this site like 7 years ago
I guess I need to step up my pants game
another happy customer of my excellent fashion advice
this was very enjoyable to read
^so was this
I needed this! Sooo funny! :)
Don’t mock our tall bread pies!
Don’t mock our tall bread pies!
But this was amazing. More please!
Episode 2: https://www.autostraddle.com/10-stupid-questions-with-10-hilarious-queer-women-part-2-378646
This was great