If you had to choose, would you rather be trapped in a hot car with a Taco Bell fart or a hot dog burp?
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be?
Cool Ranch Doritos Taco Supreme from Taco Bell; although question one is making me reconsider.
Fuck/Marry/Kill: A case of La Croix, a memory foam mattress, Scarlett Johansson.
Kill: Memory Foam. Memory foam sucks; it hurts my back to sleep on and it provides zero bounce back for your intimate go times! You get in a spot and stay stuck. No good. Pass. You’re dead to me, MF.
Marry: Scar Jo. I’d like to read the morning papers side-by-side with this woman from now until the end of time. That face. Those lips! I imagine matching Adirondack chairs and coffee mugs that are just a touch too heavy for real comfort but sure look great in her hands.
Fuck: La Croix. Pamplemousse. All day, every day.
Dumbest way you’ve ever gotten injured?
I was “hazing” a couple guys during some college activity and told them they had to jerk off in the limo. I immediately got scared they’d actually do it (they didn’t), ran away, fell in a hole and broke my foot.
Finish this sentence: The bottom drawer of my dresser…
Is full of pants.
Most awkward thing a gyno has ever said to you:
“This can happen as a result of ‘disuse.'”
If you were a dildo, which one would you be and why?
One that never really fits in.
Which Pokémon are you?
Favorite board game?
Pandemic! It’s a cooperative board game where you pretend to be doctors and scientists and people who work at the CDC and you try to save the world from dying from infectious disease.
How many times a week do you floss?
All the times. I’m not gross. Okay, three.
Cat can be seen at El Portal Theater in “Cut the Comedy”. You can also find her on Twitter @cat_davis
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My favorite questions are the F/M/K with 1 person and 2 inanimate objects. These are great and hilarious. Thanks!
I enjoyed all of this but this was my fave:
‘Between Jared Leto and a school bus, technically I’d rather marry a school bus, but I don’t want to see a person die.’
WHAT can happen as a result of ‘disuse’?? This is important information.
I’d like to see broader poll results of the no more sex vs. no more Internet question, with distribution across different age groups to see if it correlates with the supposed trend of younger people having less sex and spending more time online. Failing that, the F/M/K questions were my favourite.
I am so excited to read part 2 of this, and also I love Sara Benincasa
this was so funny hi
hi and thanks!
i had to google both “brats” and “scottie pippen” and i feel much more prepared for my trip to chicago now
Don’t forget to take lots of sweatpants!
fun fact: I own zero sweatpants because I wear yoga pants that riese recommended on this site like 7 years ago
I guess I need to step up my pants game
another happy customer of my excellent fashion advice
this was very enjoyable to read
^so was this
I needed this! Sooo funny! :)
Don’t mock our tall bread pies!
Don’t mock our tall bread pies!
But this was amazing. More please!
Episode 2: https://www.autostraddle.com/10-stupid-questions-with-10-hilarious-queer-women-part-2-378646
This was great