You Need Help: Double-Ended Dildos

Do you know how many questions we get about sex? Formspring, emails – hell, I’ve even been facebooked! More than once! But at least the last time I answered a question via facebook, I figured that the answer could spark a potentially meaningful conversation about sex. Talking about sex is something that we don’t do enough, as a society. So we’re going to start answering a few more questions about what we do in bed. Welcome to You Need Help: Sex EDition. Disclaimer: not everyone answering questions will be a medical professional. These are our opinions. These articles about sex are to promote conversation, so if you agree or disagree with what we say, please feel free to leave it in the comments. Discussion, much like sex, is a healthy part of life. And as always, You Do You. Or someone else.


 

This question came at us from the Sex Panel at A-Camp:

Q: What are your feelings on double-ended dildos?

A: SO MANY FEELINGS. I actually own one – the Share, in black ($105). I don’t use it so much anymore, as I’m not super into penetration at the moment, but it was actually my only dildo for a while, so I can tell you a bit about that and a bit about double-ended dildos in general.

Using a double ended toy with a partner, via We Heart It

Using a double ended toy with a partner (via We Heart It)

The Positives

Double dildos can be a hyper-positive experience for those partnerings where both people enjoy penetration. The cool thing about a double dildo is you have an increased sensation while fucking – every stroke you make into your partner, you can also feel in you. That’s kinda special, as normally dildos don’t offer much in terms of physical sensation for the wearer. With many double dildos the wearer’s end of the double dildo is pretty thick, so if you’re really into a full feeling, you’ll probably really like a double dildo.

I also find that, when coupled with a well-fit harness, double ended dildos can increase your control – the more of your body in contact with your dildo, the more aware you are of the positioning/direction of it. It’s easier to feel when something changes, like if on the out-stroke your dildo falls out of your partner.

In terms of masturbation, a double dildo basically has a built in handle and a perfect angle. It is SUPER SUPER EASY to fuck yourself with a double dildo. If you like g-spot stimulation during masturbation and looking for a toy that can do that plus strap-on fucking, a double dildo is a pretty badass choice. You can also jack off with this dildo while penetrating yourself, so if you like the visual stimulation of jacking off plus a deeper sensation, also a great pick.

Using a double ended toy solo, via We Heart It

Using a double ended toy solo, via We Heart It

The Negatives

If you don’t feel like getting penetrated, you can’t wear this dildo any other way. Even coupled with a harness, that bulbous end needs to go somewhere. Of course you can use it with your hands (see above: built in handle) but if you feel like wearing it without being penetrated, you’re a bit S.O.L. This is less of a big deal if it isn’t your only dildo.

You also can’t really start right away with it on. When I was using my Share exclusively, I had to get down with my bad self for a little while before I could comfortably insert my end – the wearer’s end is pretty big. I mean, not that much foreplay is a bad thing, but if you want to, say, start with a blow job where your partner is giving head to the dildo you have strapped on, that’s very difficult.

If you want to do it from behind, you can’t really flip a double dildo around so that the curve works with your partner’s body. If you flip it around it just… points backwards.

Also, everyone’s orifices are different, and while the business end might be perfect for your partner, the bulbous end might be too big or small for you. Or vice-versa, it could be perfect for you and too much/little for your partner.

The “Strapless Strap-On”

Many people think of double dildos as The Dildo You Can Use Without a Harness – the Share is even marketed that way. But I’m here to tell you that it is actually quite hard (har har) to use that way. I tried it a few times – the first time it kept slipping out at inopportune moments. Keeping it where you want it is like one tremendous kegel exercise – even if you have super well-conditioned muscles, you’re still moving/thrusting/stroking vigorously. Ish is gonna move. When I finally got the hang of that, I found I had very little control over where the dildo went and how hard/fast/deep my strokes were. It was as if my dildo was controlling me, like I was but a marionette on a string. Plus it was EXHAUSTING to keep that thing in and to mentally calculate the margin of error every time I thrust.

My supreme recommendation is to couple that sucker with a harness and don’t let any marketing strategy tell you that you should be a wizard with the dildo  sans-straps. Once I went with a harness I was super happy with my Share. And many double dildos are made to work with harnesses and not are not strapless, so read up on the one you pick.

There Are A Few Options

I’ve been speaking only to the Share since that’s where my experience lies, but there are a few other options for you.

double dildo article1

A. Feeldoe. Comes in two sizes, slim (purple) and classic (blue). The slim’s business end is 6 1/2 inches long and 1 1/4 inches in girth, and the wearer’s end is 3 1/4 inches long and 1 1/2 inches in girth. The classic is just a bit bigger all around, with the business end clocking in at 7 inches long, 1 3/8 inches in girth and the wearer’s end at 4 inches long. The wearer’s end is the same girth in both models. It’s silicone (therefore boilable) and has a hole for a bullet vibrator. $150.

B. Tantus Realdoe. This is very similar to the Feeldoe, but looks a bit more realistic. In fact, it’s so similar to the Feeldoe that it has the EXACT SAME measurements as the classic. It’s also silicone and it also has a vibrator hole. So. Legit. Same thing, more realistic. The negative bit is that it only comes in this one “flesh” color, which obviously is not the color of many people’s flesh. $175.

C. Nexus. Now you’ll notice this has a vastly different shape than the previous two, and the Share. If you like a deeper penetration as the wearer, this one is def. your pick – the wearer’s end is 5 inches long and 1 1/4 inches in girth. The business end has a little bit less to it than the Feeldoe or Realdoe – 6 inches long and 1 1/2 inches in girth. Silicone, comes in purple marble. $105.

D. Nexus Jr. Exactly what it sounds like – the Nexus, but smaller. Business end: 5 1/4 inches long, 1 1/4 inches in girth. Wearer’s end: 4 1/2 inches long, 1 1/4 inches thick. Silicone, comes in blue. $96.

Lube. All the Lube.

If you’re either the wearer or the person getting fucked, you need lube. Go get some lube. Find some paraben-free, glycerin-free lube. Use that lube.

Go forth, reader, and fuck double-endedly.


Have a question about sex? Email me at ali [at] autostraddle.com

This is the part where I’d normally talk about Formspring, but it hath bit the dust. Just know that I’ll be 134% anonymous with your information.

Please keep your questions to around, at most, 100 words. Due to the high volume of questions and feelings, not every question or feeling will be answered or published on Autostraddle. We hope you know that we love you regardless.

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Freelance writer and fiction author, Geekery Editor for Autostraddle.com and Fiction Editor for qu.ee/r Magazine. Keep up with her at her website.

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38 Comments

  1. Thumb up 4

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    i fully endorse the Nexus if you, as the wearer, are into a) penetration b) clit stimulation. my opinion is that there is more movement with the Nexus, and it has a little clit-ridge for external stim. :)

  2. Thumb up 10

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    For whatever it’s worth, I’ve tried all of these and the one I actually enjoyed the most was one that isn’t on your list, isn’t talked about much, and has a terrible name, but is worth trying anyway: http://www.amazon.com/Pipedream-Products-Fetish-Fantasy-Strapless/dp/B005OSXS7K It also is cheaper than the others and is a great bet if the others seem annoyingly thick or hard to insert. I usually pair it with a RodeoH harness.

    And that’s Today in TMI: the ongoing series.

  3. Thumb up 0

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    Great article! I have the Nexus, and I definitely recommend it. It did take some time to master keeping my end in place while wearing a strap on though.

    One thing my girl and I have been looking for forms while is a straight/non curved double ended dildo (couldn’t even find one at the Smitten Kitten in Minneapolis!). Any recommendations?

  4. Thumb up 8

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    HEY QUESTION. I work at a sex boutique, and this is pretty much everything people need to know: do you mind if I print this out and put it up in the back? We have a couple new employees without as much experience on doubles.

    Also, seriously, good work. Best coverage of the subject I’ve ever seen written.

    A few other thoughts: yes, the Real/Feeldoes are pretty rigid. Because the wearer’s bulb is smaller, it may pop out more often… but for those with very toned PC muscles, the firmness may mean it’s easier to wield without a harness. The softer the material, the more likely they are to “flop”. The SHARE is seriously tops (both as partnered and solo play), in my opinion. It provides significantly more targeted G-spot stim than any of the others. (ALSO FYI they make a smaller and a larger version.)

    There’s also a new one out that I’ve been meaning to try that blends the Realdoe/Share features: the Happy Valley/Fuze Tango. http://www.fuzetoys.com/double_enders.html Beautiful bulb shape, some external cupping, but firmer AND has a well for a bullet (I highly recommend stronger bullets if you’re into vibration, like the WeVibe Tango).

    • Thumb up 3

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      I have two controversial concepts to enter into (GREAT joke) the discussion. I had read complaints about the Feeldoe online and then, uh, test drove it a number of times, and loved it. I could wear it comfortably without a harness, even! (ladies, I am single) But I figured it could only get better from there judging by some negative reviews of the Feeldoe. So, I eagerly purchased my own double-ended dildo, and it was the Tango.

      I do not, however, love it. It’s actually a little painful even after, you know, some warm-up. Like in sports.

      ANYWAY.

      I find the angle of the wearer’s end too..severe, or something? for my anatomy. I guess (for me) the wearer’s end needs to be more perpendicular to the penetrative end, which is why I think the Feeldoe was more comfortable. That being said, I haven’t had occasion (or money, or toy-drawer space) to try the Nexus or Share and would be interested in doing so with like-minded femme-identified women in the Toronto/Greater Toronto Area. Thank you for your time and consideration.

  5. Thumb up 2

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    I’ve had the Nexus for awhile, and I have to say, I’ve become pretty “meh,” on the whole double dildo affair, and rarely use it. I was initially pretty excited, because I do enjoy penetration while penetrating my partners, and thought it seemed like a perfect marriage of the two.

    I’ve generally only used it with a harness, and find it’s even more of a high-maintenance buzz-kill to get into place than a regular strap-on, especially if you’re not fully aroused yet. Then, once things get going, I find that it grinds into my pelvic bone uncomfortably, negating any pleasure I might otherwise receive from the penetration. It doesn’t really stimulate my clit either, which is something I can usually achieve with some light adjusting on a regular strap-on. I also find the angle’s not quite on target for my partner(s) either. Then all of the fitting and adjusting becomes a distraction from pleasuring my partner. It’s mostly been relegated to the not-worth-the-trouble pile these days.

    This might all be anecdotal or it might not be the right toy for my anatomy, but I would recommend users to proceed with caution on this investment, and definitely spend some time with a regular strap-on first, and choose this as a more advanced option.

    …or maybe I just need to get my hands on one of the other toys other than the Nexus!

  6. Thumb up 2

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    I’m definitely a fan of the Nexus as it’s firm but flexible and the wearer’s end provides great g-spot stim. It works well with a harnesss but is also great for handheld play. Plus if your someone who likes different types of penetration, there is a noticable difference in how the two ends feel. Overall it’s a great pick for a double-ender but I strongly prefer the RodeOH paired with a single-ended toy usually.

    Ps: that pic of the puppies reminded me to keep toys out of reach….we almost lost the Nexus to a curious spaniel awhile back. Live and learn!

  7. Thumb up 8

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    “You can also jack off with this dildo while penetrating yourself, so if you like the visual stimulation of jacking off plus a deeper sensation, also a great pick.”

    THIS. This is why this post just changed my life.

  8. Thumb up 1

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    It annoys me that so many dildos are penis-shaped. Like, I get the similarities, but does it actually have to be a penis imitation with a head and veins and everything? I’m not into penises and I don’t want to have a dildo that really looks like one :/ I’m sure there are other dildos out there as well that are more “abstract” in their form but I’ve only started looking into dildos and it seems like the majority of dildos are designed to look as much as a penis as possible… I guess I have to keep looking ;)

  9. Thumb up 0

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    For those who don’t like the penis shape there’s the Wet For Her two finger double dildo strapless strap on thing. It’s supposedly made by lesbians. It needs a harness though but it isn’t really huge and looks like two fingers. The bulb end is smaller thus the need for a harness to stay in/have control but it’s worth a try.

    I found the feel doe too rigid personally. The share had a better texture to me but it flops around a lot and the bulb is really big for some.

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