This is Hot 100 Week. Why? We don’t know. But we’re not going to miss the party boat, we love the macarena! This week the whole team came together to produce the definitive Hot 100.
The results of our FIRST Annual Hot 100 are the result of a deeply scientific analysis of our thoughts and feelings as they developed beginning at brunch on Sunday May 10th until today, Wednesday May 13th, and analyzed by a team of professional analytical experts. Without any further ado, we present the Autostraddle Hot 100.
100. Hot Tub
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99. Hibachi Grill
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98. Chi Ceramic Hairstyling Iron
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97. Bonfires
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96. Erotic Bonfires in Pornographic Films
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95. George Foreman’s Lean Mean Fat Grillin’ Machine
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94. Hot Topic
Crystal’s favorite clothing store. Firmly auto-straddles the line between TERRIBLE and AWESOME
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93. Hot Dogs
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92. Intern Hot Laura
[A;ex & Riese accept full responsibility for both the nickname and the wall of fire]
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91. The Sahara Desert
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90. Hot Air Ballooning
Comments
The Autostraddle Hot 100: Smokin’ Sizzlin’ Great Balls of Fire
(53)
May 13, 2009
6:24 am
I think that image of Dante’s Inferno has been PHOTOSHOPPED somehow.
May 13, 2009
1:14 pm
The Intern Army is magical! What’s the method behind the magic? Time will tell.
May 13, 2009
6:39 am
Loving the Dr. Manhattan-esque Carmen de la Pica Morales squatting on the sun
May 13, 2009
7:25 am
Amazing. Who was responsible for the Hot Topic graphic? For real hot.
May 13, 2009
1:13 pm
Oh, that was mememe! When I started this about 24 hours ago, I had a lot of energy and skill. By the end we had Lucy Lawless coming out of a nuclear wasteland, so. Hot Topic!
May 13, 2009
7:52 am
i love this very much. but i feel angelina deserves to be higher than 33rd, like first maybe.
May 14, 2009
12:00 am
ITA!! But anyway this was great and funny. You all come up with the best stuff!!
May 13, 2009
8:05 am
The hot lunch pic nearly made me, well, lose my lunch. The Oregon Trail thing was hilarious…took me back to a simpler time…
May 13, 2009
9:50 am
Penelope Cruz is SO hot. #73 is awesome. Guys, I love this.
May 14, 2009
12:43 pm
haha the penelope sahara pic was my single contribution
May 13, 2009
10:07 am
I LOLed often reading this list.
However, I have to point out that this is amazing:
71. The Temperature in the Shower When Riese fell and got five gigantic bruises,
as represented by two models making out in the shower
May 13, 2009
10:19 am
oh … my … ehgod. young carlytron? obvs I thought I was a knight… or something?
May 13, 2009
11:23 am
so hot carly. Your young self needs to stop being so hot.
May 13, 2009
11:24 am
yeah, are you LARPING?
larping is sooo hot.
May 13, 2009
11:27 am
I think Carly is the First Knight of the Neon Kingdom, perhaps?
May 13, 2009
12:14 pm
I cannot stop laughing. For real, uncontrollable laughter. I have not seen this particular image of Miss Usdin. You should bring back this look Carly, its obvs working for you here.
May 13, 2009
10:38 am
I know I have Avengers on the brain and all but I just realized that “Queer Women Eating Fire” is hot. Maybe it will make the list next year.
May 13, 2009
11:24 am
I wanted it to be on the list this year, but I couldn’t find an appropriate graphic. Somehow “lesbian avengers fire-eating” wasn’t the prosperous google search term I’d hoped for. Bah! Luckily, were someone to have one handy, there’s still 10 spots I didn’t fill yet, ’cause I was tired and wanted to go to bed. KazaaM!
May 13, 2009
11:28 am
How are you not on this list?!
May 13, 2009
3:54 pm
I searched my personal archives and only found an old newspaper clipping. Sigh…no help here.
May 13, 2009
10:39 am
absolutely hilarious. considering i am, at any given time of day, about 1.5 degrees colder than “normal” body temp, being #83 on this list is pretty amazing.
i think dante’s inferno was listed twice?
this is seriously SO funny. so funny.
May 13, 2009
10:56 am
Dante’s inferno and Dante’s Cove is two different things.
May 13, 2009
10:47 am
#73
Strike a pose Riese! btw, your Team has a very bad attention span, it seems. Exept for Tinkerbell,..
OMG is Tink being squeezed again??
#71
Riese, is that your hand on that boob? I mean, you wear black nailpolish all the time, right?
Seriously, looks like that hand don’t belong to any of the two girls. It just has a different skintone and stuff. Obv Riese was there in the shower, already slipped and fallen, trying to get up again while supporting herself on that boob.
May 13, 2009
11:01 pm
I wish I’d had a boob to hold on to. Instead I have a bruise on my left shoulder that’s about the size of um, you know. Lalala.
May 13, 2009
11:26 am
i don’t think i have sufficient words for this.
May 13, 2009
11:31 am
wow whoever is responsible for the ‘hot dog down a hallway’ graphic should be promoted immediately.
Also I’m really glad Donna Summer’s ‘Hot Stuff’ made the list.
May 13, 2009
12:49 pm
yeah. i thought the same thing. stellar motion blur!
May 13, 2009
12:04 pm
My coffee somehow just ended up in my nasal canal. This is hilars. Its even more brilliant that I hoped it would be.
May 13, 2009
1:43 pm
this is beyond hilarious. the hot pockets man is sexayyy. and i’d like to thank alex and riese for finding that STUNNING picture of me. SO HOT!
May 13, 2009
1:49 pm
haha this is too funny. i only went through afterellen’s top 20 before losing interest but this kept me laughing throughout. great job
May 13, 2009
2:28 pm
You girls. You crazy, crazy girls. This list made my day, week, year, decade!
I hope my favorite, hot chocolate, makes it to the top 10 next year…fingers crossed.
May 13, 2009
10:59 pm
Well, hell is a tough contender to beat. perhaps next year Maggie Gallagher will condemn us all to hot chocolate, and then we can have a serious party. I like marshmallows. Sidenote. In my hot chocolate.
May 13, 2009
2:29 pm
I feel like this is one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. Just sayin’
May 13, 2009
2:53 pm
[...] The Autostraddle Hot 100: Smokin’ Sizzlin’ Great Balls of Fire [...]
May 13, 2009
3:30 pm
I’m going to say that 92 is really hot. And 16 makes me uncomfortable.
May 13, 2009
4:53 pm
hahaha this is fantastic. young carlytron is my favorite looking so fresh to death
May 13, 2009
7:49 pm
This is so effing funny that I have to go lie down now. SRSLY!
May 13, 2009
8:25 pm
Best hot 100 list. ever.
May 13, 2009
8:28 pm
res evil: def the hottest shit around. falling in the shower also the greatest. super hawtt.
May 13, 2009
9:47 pm
i can’t explain how much this made me laugh
(hint: a lot. especially the hot beef injection.)
May 13, 2009
10:11 pm
may I add that the inclusion of Tegan also did /things/ for me.
May 13, 2009
10:28 pm
i’m jealous of whoever gets to live where #73 was taken
May 13, 2009
10:57 pm
Yeah, me too! It’s more of a burning jealousy, actually.
May 14, 2009
1:53 am
lolz!
May 14, 2009
2:33 am
well i hate to sound like the last person that says what everyone else has already said BUT:
this has melted my face with HOTNESS & PERFECTION. i’d be ok with you doing a Hot 100 every week. or how about a Cold 100? a Lukewarm 50? Wet 25? Shiny 44!
May 14, 2009
3:07 pm
Oooh. A Cold 100 could be equally fun/funny!
May 14, 2009
5:14 pm
Ann Coulter’s heart would be #1 hands down.
Also, on the “good” end of the list could be apparently Alex’s resting body temperature, thus requiring the drastic measures indicated here at item #52.
May 14, 2009
2:45 am
This is amazing.
This is the best birthday present I could hope to receive (also probs the only one as I’m on the other side of the world from my present giving folks).
I would very much like to see a shiny 44! Very soon.
May 14, 2009
10:22 am
“Looks like vadge!!” totally made me LMFAO LOL ROFL and beyond…..
May 15, 2009
4:05 am
im loving the fact that I have a new code word for smoking pot.. it can now just be im going to go #48, or im so 48. ( in high school we called it camp and that caught on way to quikly..going camping at lunch time was kinda a give away!)
great list!
May 15, 2009
4:47 pm
I just LOLed at work seeing NBA Dancers on this list. We always make fun of the Heat b/c during the annual Dance Team Bracket on NBA.com — which the Heat have won four years running, for obvious reasons — their site turns into Maxim.
May 16, 2009
2:28 am
The Icy Hot patch! So hot right now! Sooth the burn!
May 27, 2009
3:36 pm
One of the best 100 hot list i have come across!!!