The Autostraddle Hot 100: Smokin’ Sizzlin’ Great Balls of Fire

(29-27 – TBA)

26. The Hot Blogger Calendar!

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25. Olivia Wilde is Maxim’s Number One Hot Girl of the Year.

Here she is on THE BEACH. Which is … HOT.

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24. The Lesbian Avengers: Eat Fire, Damn the Man!

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23. Hot Flashes

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22. This week Alexi of “Alexi’s Closet” asks: What do you wear when being pummeled by hot lava?

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21. Heatstroke

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20. Hotmail

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19. The Apocalypse

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18. Hot Potatoes

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17. KY Jelly Warming Sensationsky_warming_liquid

16. The Surface of the Sun

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15. Dante’s Cove Starring Celesbian SuperStar Jill Bennet

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14. Hot Lunch

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13. Bikini Wax

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12. Hot Chili Peppers

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11. The Subway Platform in the Summer When It’s Really Hot

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10. The Bottom of Riese’s Computer Which Is Basically on Fire Right Now

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9. Sunburns

sunburn

8. Global Warming

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7. Dante’s Inferno

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6. Fever From Swine Flu

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5. Hot Beef Injection

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4. All the Decades Before Air Conditioning Was Invented, e.g., The Oregon Trail

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3. Summer of Sam

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2. The Nuclear Bomb

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1. HELLFIRE & ETERNAL DAMNATION! Listen to NOMNOMNOM!!

(JK, you’re hot!)

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Riese

Marie Lyn Bernard, aka Riese, is an award-winning writer, blogger, journalist, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in the midwest, lost her mind in New York City and is currently making it work in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better, The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image and The Hazards of Being Female," "Dirty Girls," and "The Best American Erotica of 2007," magazines including Nylon, Marie Claire, GO, Curve, Interlude, and CollegeBound, and all over the web including nerve.com, Jezebel, Queerty, Emily Books and OurChart (RIP). She was the recapper for The L Word Online and host of Showtime’s Lezberado and her personal blog has earned many dubious honors including Best Personal Blog 2008. Riese has spoken about blogging, community-building, feminism, cyberculture and sexuality at places like BlogHer, Yale, New York University, The University of Chicago and The Museum of Sex. A graduate of the University of Michigan, Interlochen Arts Academy and The Olive Garden's week-long training intensive; she enjoys eating foods, having big ideas, reading books & talking to her stuffed dog, Tinkerbell. Also, she's Jewish. Follow her smokin’ hot adventures on twitter. Contact: riese[at]autostraddle.com

Riese has written 2896 articles for us.

53 Comments

  1. I LOLed often reading this list.

    However, I have to point out that this is amazing:

    71. The Temperature in the Shower When Riese fell and got five gigantic bruises,

    as represented by two models making out in the shower

  2. absolutely hilarious. considering i am, at any given time of day, about 1.5 degrees colder than “normal” body temp, being #83 on this list is pretty amazing.

    i think dante’s inferno was listed twice?

    this is seriously SO funny. so funny.

  3. #73

    Strike a pose Riese! btw, your Team has a very bad attention span, it seems. Exept for Tinkerbell,..
    OMG is Tink being squeezed again??

    #71

    Riese, is that your hand on that boob? I mean, you wear black nailpolish all the time, right?
    Seriously, looks like that hand don’t belong to any of the two girls. It just has a different skintone and stuff. Obv Riese was there in the shower, already slipped and fallen, trying to get up again while supporting herself on that boob.

    • Well, hell is a tough contender to beat. perhaps next year Maggie Gallagher will condemn us all to hot chocolate, and then we can have a serious party. I like marshmallows. Sidenote. In my hot chocolate.

  4. Pingback: Fireside Chat – “I’m Pregnant, suck my dick.” Make your tits jiggle, spray beverages out your nostrils. C’mon. « Women In Love

  5. well i hate to sound like the last person that says what everyone else has already said BUT:
    this has melted my face with HOTNESS & PERFECTION. i’d be ok with you doing a Hot 100 every week. or how about a Cold 100? a Lukewarm 50? Wet 25? Shiny 44!

  6. This is amazing.
    This is the best birthday present I could hope to receive (also probs the only one as I’m on the other side of the world from my present giving folks).

    I would very much like to see a shiny 44! Very soon.

  7. im loving the fact that I have a new code word for smoking pot.. it can now just be im going to go #48, or im so 48. ( in high school we called it camp and that caught on way to quikly..going camping at lunch time was kinda a give away!)

    great list!

  8. I just LOLed at work seeing NBA Dancers on this list. We always make fun of the Heat b/c during the annual Dance Team Bracket on NBA.com — which the Heat have won four years running, for obvious reasons — their site turns into Maxim.

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