The Autostraddle Hot 100: Smokin’ Sizzlin’ Great Balls of Fire

59. Laser Beams

laser-beams

58. Lattes

latte

57. Phoenix, Arizona

phoenix

Home to Green, Team Autostraddle Associate Editor!

56. Indian Food

indian_food

55. Hot Hot Heat (BAND)

hothotheatjoanjett

54. Soup

soup

53. HANSEL is SO Hot Right Now.

hansel_6

52. Alex‘s Room because she never puts in an air conditioner even in the deepest heats of summer.

picture-51

51. Hot Wheels

hot_wheels

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8See entire article on one page

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Riese

Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3153 articles for us.

53 Comments

  1. I think that image of Dante’s Inferno has been PHOTOSHOPPED somehow.

    • Oh, that was mememe! When I started this about 24 hours ago, I had a lot of energy and skill. By the end we had Lucy Lawless coming out of a nuclear wasteland, so. Hot Topic!

  2. i love this very much. but i feel angelina deserves to be higher than 33rd, like first maybe.

  3. The hot lunch pic nearly made me, well, lose my lunch. The Oregon Trail thing was hilarious…took me back to a simpler time…

  4. I LOLed often reading this list.

    However, I have to point out that this is amazing:

    71. The Temperature in the Shower When Riese fell and got five gigantic bruises,

    as represented by two models making out in the shower

  5. oh … my … ehgod. young carlytron? obvs I thought I was a knight… or something?

  6. I know I have Avengers on the brain and all but I just realized that “Queer Women Eating Fire” is hot. Maybe it will make the list next year.

    • I wanted it to be on the list this year, but I couldn’t find an appropriate graphic. Somehow “lesbian avengers fire-eating” wasn’t the prosperous google search term I’d hoped for. Bah! Luckily, were someone to have one handy, there’s still 10 spots I didn’t fill yet, ’cause I was tired and wanted to go to bed. KazaaM!

  7. absolutely hilarious. considering i am, at any given time of day, about 1.5 degrees colder than “normal” body temp, being #83 on this list is pretty amazing.

    i think dante’s inferno was listed twice?

    this is seriously SO funny. so funny.

  8. #73

    Strike a pose Riese! btw, your Team has a very bad attention span, it seems. Exept for Tinkerbell,..
    OMG is Tink being squeezed again??

    #71

    Riese, is that your hand on that boob? I mean, you wear black nailpolish all the time, right?
    Seriously, looks like that hand don’t belong to any of the two girls. It just has a different skintone and stuff. Obv Riese was there in the shower, already slipped and fallen, trying to get up again while supporting herself on that boob.

    • I wish I’d had a boob to hold on to. Instead I have a bruise on my left shoulder that’s about the size of um, you know. Lalala.

  9. wow whoever is responsible for the ‘hot dog down a hallway’ graphic should be promoted immediately.

    Also I’m really glad Donna Summer’s ‘Hot Stuff’ made the list.

  10. My coffee somehow just ended up in my nasal canal. This is hilars. Its even more brilliant that I hoped it would be.

  11. this is beyond hilarious. the hot pockets man is sexayyy. and i’d like to thank alex and riese for finding that STUNNING picture of me. SO HOT!

  12. haha this is too funny. i only went through afterellen’s top 20 before losing interest but this kept me laughing throughout. great job :)

  13. You girls. You crazy, crazy girls. This list made my day, week, year, decade!
    I hope my favorite, hot chocolate, makes it to the top 10 next year…fingers crossed.

    • Well, hell is a tough contender to beat. perhaps next year Maggie Gallagher will condemn us all to hot chocolate, and then we can have a serious party. I like marshmallows. Sidenote. In my hot chocolate.

  14. Pingback: Fireside Chat – “I’m Pregnant, suck my dick.” Make your tits jiggle, spray beverages out your nostrils. C’mon. « Women In Love

  15. hahaha this is fantastic. young carlytron is my favorite looking so fresh to death

  16. res evil: def the hottest shit around. falling in the shower also the greatest. super hawtt.

  17. i can’t explain how much this made me laugh
    (hint: a lot. especially the hot beef injection.)

  18. well i hate to sound like the last person that says what everyone else has already said BUT:
    this has melted my face with HOTNESS & PERFECTION. i’d be ok with you doing a Hot 100 every week. or how about a Cold 100? a Lukewarm 50? Wet 25? Shiny 44!

      • Ann Coulter’s heart would be #1 hands down.

        Also, on the “good” end of the list could be apparently Alex’s resting body temperature, thus requiring the drastic measures indicated here at item #52.

  19. This is amazing.
    This is the best birthday present I could hope to receive (also probs the only one as I’m on the other side of the world from my present giving folks).

    I would very much like to see a shiny 44! Very soon.

  20. im loving the fact that I have a new code word for smoking pot.. it can now just be im going to go #48, or im so 48. ( in high school we called it camp and that caught on way to quikly..going camping at lunch time was kinda a give away!)

    great list!

  21. I just LOLed at work seeing NBA Dancers on this list. We always make fun of the Heat b/c during the annual Dance Team Bracket on NBA.com — which the Heat have won four years running, for obvious reasons — their site turns into Maxim.

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