5 Fisting Tips For A Happy (Belated) International Fisting Day!

International Fisting Day happened earlier this week!

Jiz Lee and Courtney Trouble started International Fisting Day in 2011 after their film, Live Sex Show, was banned and censored because it featured a fisting scene between Lee and Nina Hartley. The day helps spread positive information about fisting, which is banned within a lot of adult entertainment and not particularly familiar beyond it.

In an excellent blog post, Lee writes about why fisting is the type of sexual act that everyone, especially queers, should try:

“Some people think fisting is intense in a bad way — that it hurts. But anyone who loves fisting knows that it can be the most intimate and beautifully connecting experience with a lover. Or a really fun in a three-some — I’ve held the hand, fingers locked, with a lover while the two of us have fisted a friend. I’ve also had both my fists inside two different lovers at the same time, while they kissed intensely. I’ve 69′ed with fisting, and I’ve even fisted myself!

Fisting isn’t any more scary than any kind of unwelcome sexual advance. However many people don’t know that much about it. We learn about sex as only being penis-vagina intercourse. But sex is so much more! We don’t learn much about sexual anatomy, how to communicate with lovers, or about pleasure. In fact, when we see a fist, we may be more inclined to think of it punching someone in the face […] So when we as a culture are more familiar with a fist being used to harm someone, it’s no wonder that someone who hasn’t had a healthy sex-positive education about fisting would assume it is painful. In our culture we see fists as painful weapons, when I see them as revolutionary weapons of sex-positive progress. Or, you know, the ASL symbol for the letter “E”. See? That’s not so scary.”

So what if you want to try fisting but don’t know where to start? Celebrate International Fisting Day by keeping these things in mind:

1. The first rule of fisting is, do not not talk about fisting.

Talking about sex before you have it in a completely unsexy and therefore less threatening context is really important. The best time to talk about sex is at lunch on a Tuesday, possibly in public and absolutely while fully clothed (unless you’re a nudist). “I would like to put my fist in your vagina (or butt, or your preferred name for either of those places) is not necessarily a great thing to say when you’ve never talked about fisting before and already have part of your hand inside someone.

2. Always be prepared.

Learn about fisting before you try it by reading about it or watching it (until October 22, use the code “DB” at CrashPad for 10% off. CrashPad has an excellent fisting archive.)

When you’re ready to go for it, trim your nails, wash your hands and take off any jewellery. If you aren’t fluid bonded with your partner, or if you are fluid bonded but don’t trust the structural integrity of your nail polish, wear gloves — latex, or polyurethane or other latex-free material if either of you have a latex allergy. Make sure you have a truly massive quantity of lube at hand, as well as any other toys you might want, so you can avoid searching for (or getting up to clean) them later.

Then, get ready with a lot of foreplay. The fistee should be as relaxed as possible.

3. Use a ton of lube.

Use more lube than you think you’ll need and then some. I recommend a bottle with a dispenser top, both for convenience and because those bottles are bigger. You will be amazed at how much lube you will need. You should use even a little bit more than that.

4. Go slowly.

Start with one or two fingers and slowly add more. Do not under any circumstances punch your partner in the vagina. Use more lube. Once you have four fingers in, you can try adding your thumb — this looks either like a shadow puppet duck face, like you’re making a starfish with the tips of your fingers or like you’re reaching to the bottom of a Pringles container. You might not be able to do this, and that’s okay! You really might not be able to do this if it’s your first time. Everyone has different holes and hands and days. If it doesn’t work no matter how much lube you use, try again later in sex or on another day, and stay flexible, relaxed and positive in the moment.

If you do get in, make very subtle motions — anything you do will feel intense to your activity partner. You can try gently opening and closing your fingers a little, twisting your fist from side to side or moving it back and forth very slightly, though if they start to orgasm, stop moving so you don’t break something. ( No, really.) Don’t make big motions unless your partner asks for them.

When you’re done, gently and slowly remove your hand from their body (it helps if all involved body parts are relaxed). If you feel stuck, slip a finger alongside your wrist to break the suction.

5. Keep talking about fisting.

Talking about fisting during the act is as important as talking about it before hand. Pay attention to your activity partner’s responses, and to your own. You can probably tell when something feels good and when something doesn’t, but both of you are responsible for saying if it doesn’t and if something needs to change. If you’re the fistee, verbal encouragement always helps.

Also, make sure you talk about your experience afterwards — both immediately, when you can still remember the specifics, and about a week later, just to check in. Fisting is Olympic Level Penetration, and the only way to improve is to talk about it.

And to practice. Because practising is really fun.

feature image via weheartit

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Carolyn is the NSFW Editor for Autostraddle.com. She is also a freelance copy editor and writer, and her work has appeared in Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, the Billfold, and other places. Find her on twitter.

Carolyn has written 280 articles for us.

21 Comments

  1. Thumb up 11

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    “Do not under any circumstances punch your partner in the vagina.”

    this reads like a printed warning label that you know the manufacturer was legally required to include because someone so utterly misused their product. fingers and legs crossed for everyone to avoid vag punching and proceed with caution.

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    Hi! My elffriend has gigantic hands. It can still happen right? I’d love to experience this but I have a hard time getting that relaxed in general. I do abosolutely 10000% trust her though.. So I’d like to try. Thoughts?

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    International Fisting Day is something of a catch-22: the holiday’s supposed to raise awareness of censorship, but how many people are aware of the holiday? And all those people are probably already aware of censorship. And nobody else hears about it because of the (self-)censorship practiced by traditional media outlets.

    The sad truth is that, for a holiday to make it in our society, it must submit to the cultural logic of late capitalism, which is to say that it must be commodified.

    International Fisting Day needs a cuddly, nonthreatening mascot. I was going to suggest an anthropomorphic medical glove, but that’s probably similar enough to the Hamburger Helper mascot that it might just end up making people hungry and confused; and, second, infringe upon General Mills’ intellectual property rights.

    It also needs merchandise, and not just gloves and lube. Someone ought to develop a “lifestyle brand” selling International Fisting Day apparel: a t-shirt, for example, with an undercut-sporting Vulcan, piercings all up and down her pointy ears, arm raised and hand contorted into the “reaching for the last Pringle” gesture rather than the Vulcan Salute, encircled by the slogan “Fist Long and Prosper.” Another t-shirt could feature just a hand making the same gesture, but drawn in the style of the Black Power salute .

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