Quiz: Which Creepy ’90s Toy Are You Haunted By?

Ever since M3GAN trailers started hitting the internet late last year, I couldn’t WAIT to see it. A sentient American Girl Doll dressed like Blair Waldorf, loaded with TikTok dances, and about to unleash an unhinged and murderous rage? It’s like that movie was made in a lab for me — at least, for me at 14 years old.

M3GAN got me thinking about the many creepy and animatronic toys of my childhood, when I would’ve absolutely KILLED for an American Girl doll that spoke. Limits of ‘90s tech meant that when these toys “talked,” they used cassette tapes, and when the batteries started to die, things got scary pretty fast. So! What not-quite-sentient and very creepy toy of the ‘90s is going to haunt YOUR dreams tonight?


You’re a kid again. It’s the mid-nineties, and the internet and smartphones are just a whisper of a dream. Before you go to bed, you can choose one classic picture book to read. Which do you choose?(Required)
In the morning, you pack your backpack for school, making sure to include your:(Required)
Choose a pattern:(Required)
After school, your friend’s mom takes you to the roller rink, where you play skeeball for tickets. What do you want to get with your tickets when you have enough?(Required)
All that skeeball was exhausting! Time to go home and watch some tv before dinner. What do you hope is on?(Required)
Choose a sticker set:(Required)
You’re laying out your outfit for tomorrow. You can’t forget your:(Required)
Uh-oh, you watched a family movie that was supposedly kid-friendly and now you’re too scared to sleep. What was so scary?(Required)
Choose a fake Babysitters Club / Goosebumps crossover novel to read under the covers with a flashlight:(Required)
You must have finally drifted off to sleep, because now you’re waking up — here in 2023, in your grown-up bed, with all the horrors and delights of the internet lying just next to you in the phone on the nightstand. What’s the first thing you google, before your weird dreams wear all the way off?(Required)
What do you miss most about the 90s?(Required)
Finally, choose a color palette:(Required)


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Darcy

Darcy, a.k.a. Queer Girl, is your number one fan. She's a fat feminist from California who doodles hearts in the corners of her Gay Agenda. They're living through a pandemic, they're on Twitter, and they think you should drink more water! She also wants to make you laugh.

Darcy has written 347 articles for us.

25 Comments

  1. The most accurate quiz on the internet. I’ve only told maybe two people how much I begged my parents for a Teddy Ruxpin, to no avail, and somehow this quiz not only knows this, but also that, 30+ years later, I’m still sad about it.

  2. Sky dancer which i never had as a kid but me and my sibling did get the “boy” version. I think they were called dragon flies?

    You better believe we used to launch those things at each other faces.

  3. Sky dancer!! One of my more manipulative moments as a child was throwing a fit during extended family photos, knowing if I shut up, my mom would buy me a sky dancer. It worked.

    As a parent know, I both loathe and am proud of myself for such negotiations.

  4. My Buddy doll, which seems about right. The song is immortal, so maybe the dolls are, too?

    Also, omg the topsy-tail infomercial. If the best show ever (Carmen Sandiego) hadn’t been on [the list], I’d have been watching that infomercial again for sure.

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