We’re Trying It! An A+ Members Only Valentine’s Weekend Discord Server!

We’ve heard for a while from A+ Members that you want a way to meet each other, maybe even a way to meet each other for the express purpose of dating. Some of you even said that you wish Autostraddle had a Discord Server. So, this weekend, we are finally, and at last going to try it!

We’re keeping this open for just a little less than two days, but if it goes well, who knows? We might do it again! This is an experiment, and we have never done this before, so we’re encouraging everyone to approach with that mindset, okay? Marvelous!

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The Important Stuff

Time: 6am PST Saturday February 13 – 8pm PST Sunday February 14
Login Instructions: Login instructions will be posted on Autostraddle.com at 6am PST on Saturday in an A+ only post. I’ll also email them out to you later in the day in the A+ E-news.

Not an A+ member but interested in this event and more A+ stuff? Want to access bonus content and get perks all while feeling the satisfaction that can only come from supporting independent queer media? A+ starts at just $4 / month if you want to join today AND every new A+ membership counts toward our current fundraising goal!

Join A+

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Some questions you might have:

Q: What if I’m not looking for dates?
A: Hoo well are you in luck! The majority of server channels in this thing are actually not about dating. You can join and just chat with fellow queers about houseplants, what you’re binge-watching, that book you’re reading. We’re keeping it light, but also, you know, gay.

Q: Will I meet the love of my life on this server?
A: You miiiight, but we recommend going into this with the lowest of expectations, as you would with any dating app. We recommend just trying to concentrate on having fun! It’s kind of like internet-based speed-dating, since you’ll want to make plans (exchange insta handles or somesuch) if you want to continue a connection afterwards. The more people join, the better the odds, so…if you’re thinking about it, why not stop on by?

Q: Who will be modding?
A: It’s Carmen and me!  We’re asking anyone who joins to abide by a code of conduct that is rooted in mutual respect and to just be our best selves on here. But yes, we’ll be around to help!

Q: Can I join the server if I’m under 18?
A:Sorry, but for the time being, no you cannot! This server is for individuals who are 18 years of age or older, only because there is a dating component involved and we want to prioritize safety here. Thank you for understanding.

Q: I’ve never used Discord before! Is it difficult?
A: It’s not too bad! We’re all just getting used to it, but once you get used to the interface, it’s pretty self-explanatory. We will also have a channel where you can post your Discord help questions.

Got questions? THRILLED? We’d love to hear about it in the comments!

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Support Independent Queer Media

We’re raising funds to make it through the end of July. 99% of the people who read this site don’t support. Will you be one of the ones who do? Joining A+ is one of the best ways to support Autostraddle — plus you get access to bonus content while keeping the site 99% free for everyone. Will you join today?

Support Autostraddle

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Join AF+!


Nico Hall is Autostraddle's and For Them's Membership Editorial and Ops Dude, and has been working in membership and the arts for over a decade. They write nonfiction both creative and the more straightforward variety, too, as well as fiction. They are currently at work on a secret project. Nico is also haunted. You can find them on Twitter and Instagram. Here's their website, too.

Nico has written 227 articles for us.


  1. Cute! Interesting! A fun experience! A great reason to give Autostraddle your dollars and become an A+ member!

  2. love the concept!
    “we’re all adults here” i’m super confused by that statement. the autostraddle website is public access to all ages, as it should be, because discriminating against the young sucks.
    is A+ different somehow?

    • You know what? That language was confusing. I’ve updated it! Thank you for pointing that out.

      This particular limited-time server, because it allows for dating, is going to just be for individuals who are 18 years of age or older. The above post has been updated to reflect that (and it’s also in the server’s code of conduct and user agreement which are not shown here but which are on the server).

      Thank you for understanding! No, we don’t discriminate against the young, but we are doing our best to prioritize safety when designing events and spaces where folks interact — and in the case, that means limiting it to people who are legally adults.

  3. Love that there’s dating options for those who want it, and non-dating options for those of us who have an ailing Pothos (even though we only got it because it was supposed to be easy to care for 🤦🏻‍♂️)

    • “Easy care” is one of those phrases (like “how hard can it be?” and “I know where I’m going”) that can lead to a lot of trouble. I’m probably not the only one who’s rotted a cactus by over watering it, but yeah. It was supposed to be easy to care for.

      • clearly this idea is going somewhere. as we can see in the conversation here, it already has dogs and cats supporting each other. so really, sky’s the limit!

    • also, an unsolicited tip for the mods: enabling slowmode on some of the more active channels might help if there are several hundred members and it gets overwhelming? i co-moderate a server with about 350 people and slowmode helps maintain composure when discussion gets heated. not that i think that will happen here, but mentioning it just in case!

  4. As someone who only recently started using discord for DnD and digging the format/layout/UX, I’m very excited for this little experiment!

  5. I know that this is Valentine’s themed, so it adds up, but I’m super loving the fact that it starts on Galentine’s Day, because we’re all just a bunch of gal pals, right?!?

Comments are closed.