This Pride, I’m Taking Control of My Own Pleasure With These Sex Toys

This article was created in partnership with Wet for Her.

I didn’t start using sex toys until about four years ago. I chalk it up to a combination of factors: internalized homophobia, general shame around sex, a fear of my own pleasure despite long being an extremely horny person, and relationships with people who told me dildos and strap-ons were lesbophobic, a sentiment I’ve come to understand as thinly veiled TERF rhetoric in the time since.

When I first started exploring toys, it was with a partner who made me feel safe, affirmed, and, well, satisfied. And while I’ve since also explored the wonders and thrills of solo play, I really do love sex toys best when they’re being used with a partner — specifically when a partner is using them on me, as I’m a certified hard bottom.

LGBTQ+ sex toy company Wet For Her came through just in time for Pride month with a set of toys for me to try out and review that are especially great for use with a partner! We spent one wild day trying them all out, and I can verify that a multi-toy sex marathon with this set makes for a very good day. I cannot think of a better way to let off some steam during Pride! Especially now that I really have reached a level of pride as it pertains not just to my identity but to pleasure and desire, shirking the shame that used to repress me. I’m going to highlight my two favorite toys in particular — one for scissoring and one really great vibrating toy.

First, let’s talk about the Rockher Scissoring toy. I’d never used a scissoring-specific toy before, despite being a firm believer in the existence and pleasure of scissoring! Certified scissoring fan over here! In the past, I’ve used a wand toy while scissoring, but it admittedly requires a lot of maneuvering and wristwork. I’ve literally gotten a hand cramp from doing so. This toy is a gamechanger. It’s hands-free!

After some foreplay, I grabbed the toy — which I thankfully remembered to fully charge beforehand, as we ended up using it quite a bit — and inserted the firm bulb part in myself (there are a couple different ways it can be used, but this was my preference) and found a comfortable scissoring position with my partner. Some people dislike scissoring because of this part, the time and trial and error it sometimes takes to find the right position, even with someone you’ve been with for a long time. I disagree! That’s the fun part! It just means more foreplay! And being told what to do! Two things I enjoy! (Again, bottom life.)

I used the remote control it comes with to adjust the vibration speed and pattern to what I liked and then just set it on my nightstand. It was a real set it and forget it situation, which allowed me to focus a lot more on my partner and on using my hands for other things. I love vibration toys, but sometimes messing around too much with settings can make me distracted or take me out of the moment. A remote control situation made this less of an issue for me, and I could stay present while still having control over how much stimulation I was experiencing, which was also impacted by the amount of pressure I used when grinding against my partner.

It takes two to scissor, but while my partner was out of town, I discovered it could easily be used for solo play by inserting fingers through the loop and using them as a sort of handle/grip while pressing the bulb part against yourself.

I also found my new favorite toy during our all day Pride sex marathon. It’s the ComZe vibrating toy, a brand new WFH vibrating dildo that absolutely rules. As I said, it’s easily my new favorite toy in our toy drawer, which yes is an overstuffed drawer that I honestly need to organize…is it too late in the year for spring cleaning?

I loved the size, the feel (100% silicone that’s right in the sweet spot of being pliable but also firm), the shape, the vibration, all of it. I’ve used other vibrating dildos before, but sometimes the vibration has felt off. They’re either too weak or too powerful, underperforming or overloading sensitive areas. But this was perfect, especially on the lowest and second speeds. The stimulation for the wearer of this also got a good report!

We specifically used the ComZe with the black boxer harness from WFH, and that elevated the experience, too. I found these to be super versatile, as a lot of strap-on dildos fit them, and I really liked how my partner looked in them. Perfect for a butch top, they have function and style, which is just doubly hot. They have a small rainbow heart in the corner, and I joked that it’s like a little reminder that you’re about to have great gay sex. Happy Pride, indeed. (As for sizing, they run as XS/S, S/M, M/L, and L/XL, and if you feel like you’re between sizes or unsure, I’d go with the smaller one you’re considering, because if they’re too loose it’ll be hard to keep the toy secure.)

Even though I’m partial to the ComZe, we wanted to try out the boxer harness with some other toys, so we threw a Fusion Dildo into the mix of our little Pride marathon. I tried it with and without a bullet vibe, and I really liked the feel of both. It looks good in the boxer harness (a recurring theme!), and its base shape provides stimulation for the wearer. I feel like this dildo is to the point in a good way: a crowd pleaser that reminded me a bit of the first time I had strap-on sex. Ahhh, sex toy nostalgia.

My partner had to go out of town the day after our marathon for work, and guess who was invited to our eventual reunion? The ComZe, naturally. I think the ComZe will be “celebrating Pride” with us a lot this month. Now I’m off to go organize that drawer.

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 861 articles for us.


  1. Happy Pride and thanks for this review, Kayla. In my household, we’re always looking for some extra ways to add pleasure for the strap-wearing person, whomever that may be at a given moment. I’m curious if you think (or know) whether the RockHer could be worn by a vagina-having person underneath a harness/strap to give the wearer some added enjoyment?

    • Yes I think this would work! Thrusting might make it shift or come out but it’s also likely the base of the strap on dildo would actually keep it in place, so I say go for it! And happy pride!

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