The Real L Word Recap: Episode 201 – Fresh Start Body Parts

Let’s return to New York, New York, site of Glee‘s season finale and the Stonewall Riots of 1969! Here we meet Patient Zero – Rachel – who’s getting fashion advice from her gay BFF.

She’s the eve to whitney’s adam

Rachel, who’s playing Tor in Season Two, is moving to Los Angeles, because initially they’d planned on setting Season 2 in New York but then had to do it in LA after all but really wanted Rachel to come back. I mean:

Rachel: “I’m moving to LA because I feel like I’ve DONE IT in New York, I’m at the top of my game here… I’m ready to work it out in LA.”

Rachel’s gay best friend is a star. He manages to get “cum stain,” “pussy juice” and “clitoral stimulator” in about two minutes of screen time.


Rachel and Whitney’s storied history includes 4.5 years of courtship, dogs, 3 years of cohabitation, and a contentious breakup relating to Whitney cheating on Rachel, according to Rachel, who says Whitney still insists she didn’t cheat on Rachel. Whitney coped by moving to L.A. So already what we have here is a foundation of honesty and strength.

Gay: “I was a little nervous about Rachel moving to LA, just because I’ve lived with Rachel and I’ve lived with Whitney and Whitney’s crazy in her own like nonchalant [does amazing Whitney voice imitation] ‘I don’t notice what I’m doing! I’m not doing anything wrong’ kinda way. And Rachel’s just more emotional.”

Speaking of, Sara’s ex-girlfriend Hana stops by b/c there are really only 15 lesbians in the whole world, we just switch in and off and come in and out of Whitney’s Magical Wheel, and Rachel reveals that Hana’s revealed that Sara & Whitney were/are dating.

in other words, whitney’s ex-girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend

Rachel: “I know her and I know that no matter who she dates I will always be the Mary and they will always be the Rhoda, and that’s just how it is.”

Back to Whitneyhouse, where Alyssa and Whitney are working / talking about Whitney’s sexual feelings. Sara, because she is nothing if not persistent, just won’t stop texting Whitney. Whitney should just thank her lucky stars she’s never gotten texts from A.

Alyssa: an actual foundation of honesty and strength. God Bless Alyssa.

Alyssa: “I hate sounding like a judgmental asshole, but I’ve known Whitney for 11 years and I know her enough to know when something isn’t going to work. No one wants the two of them together… a few months ago all of her friends were like, ‘Dude, we heard Sara say that she thought that Whitney had a big ego and she could never really be in a relationship with her, but that she thought doing the show would be really advantageous to her career as a hairstylist.'”

Well, not anymore! It’s hard for Alyssa to understand what Whitney sees in Sara. I think it’s this:


Regarding Rachel’s imminent arrival in her pimpspace, Alyssa’s got two words and they aren’t “Dental Dam–”

Alyssa: “TWO WORDS – be careful.”

Much to nobody’s surprise, Whitney attests she’s got great sexual chemistry with Rachel and it’d be worth “revisiting.”

Alyssa: “So, do you wanna sleep with Rachel?”

Whitney: “No.”
Alyssa: “Really? Two days ago you said you were going to have sex with Rachel.”
Whitney: “Oh. My GOD! Alyssa!”
Alyssa: “You did, I’m just saying, I want to know if that changed now.”
Whitney: “Fucking ass, dude.”

Either Whitney’s forgotten her storyline, her lines, her personality, her brain, or all “all of the above.”


Claire’s leaving New York, like in the song “Leaving New York” by R.E.M.

what the fucking christ am i doing holy shit

Claire: “I feel like a jerk because if somebody asked me to be okay with this I wouldn’t be okay. But my intention isn’t to do anything to hurt her. It’s just to figure out myself.”

I think the thing you’re figuring out for yourself is hurting her! Self-actualization is not actually a defense for potentially damaging the lives of others. “I had to rob that bank in order to find myself!”

Anyhow, Claire’s not “consciously trying to get Francine back.” It’s more like a Matrix/Inception style situation. You follow? It’s more than you can see with your eyeballs, dykeathon.


Whitney & Alyssa bring Season Two/Season One full-circle by hitting up LAX to pick up chicks.

ho ho ho off to the airport we go

Well, just one chick:

where’s my chalupa, bitch

Pants handle the luggage:

Whitney takes the heavy stuff, and Alyssa drives the car, and then they sit back and make jokes about the way things are.

I feel like Whitney got an extra bedroom in her apartment to ensure every new Los Angeleno will turn to her for a crash pad.

and here is where you will cry softly to yourself as i fuck someone else in the other room

Whitney is a One-Woman Welcome Wagon!

Rachel: “I would definitely say it’s inevitable that me and Whitney are going to hook up.”

Whitney: “Casual hookup? it’s a possibility.”

thanks, thanks. i’m here all season.

So, in order to explain the presence of full frontal nudity in this week’s episode of The Real L Word, it’s important to set the scene:

Romi is about to take a shower. She says to Kelsey “Babe, I’m gonna take a shower!” and then she takes off her shirt and steps into the shower. Then she closes the shower curtain. This scene is remarkable in that it employs a sort of unnecessary pan from Romi’s naked breasts to Romi’s naked vagina as she steps into the shower. I’d like to point out that the camera stays on her vagina as she enters the shower. We’ve censored it for you:

Anyhow, Romi’s micromanaging Kelsey’s social skills in anticipation of a social outing with three of Romi’s bestest friends where it seems she’s concerned Kelsey might continue prioritizing our personal entertainment over traditional rules of social interactions.


Kelsey: “When I’m in the moment and I’m doing something and she wants to protect me from looking foolish she’ll stop me and like no– let me do that. I don’t need her regulating any of that. And it’s really frustrating.”

do you like my part on this side — or on THIS side

Romi wants to know if Kelsey feels better because she showered. Well I can tell you one thing, we all feel much better now that Romi’s showered.


Meanwhile somewhere else, Sajdah’s using her Macintosh Apple MacBook Pro to have a video chat with her friend back home using Macintosh’s iChat Video Chat feature when a girl calls Sajdah on her Apple iPhone, which Sajdah puts on speakers so we can all listen in. Where’d she meet this girl? Well, she thought was only for straights but then she visited and was surprised to find a pretty girl named Chanel on and then Sajdah looked up Chanel on and then added Chanel as a friend on and now they’re having a date. It’s an open mic, so it’s just like chill or whatever.

what have you got plugged into your macbook pro with that usb cable is that a kindle from

En route to the date, Sajdah tells her Mom she’s already met someone although she hasn’t actually met the girl yet, we’re told. This is crazy and weird! Mom’s concerned and says not to do anything crazy or weird, like…

Sajdah laughs “I’m not having sex ma!” or, as Ilene Chaiken would put it, “I’m not forthcoming or open, ma!”


Chanel: “Nice to see you!”
Sajdah: “Nice to meet you!”

hellooooo nurse

Sajdah: “She’s beautiful her body’s nice, she’s the right height, her walk… I mean everything’s all there.”

Sajdah’s got no consideration whatsoever for the fourth wall and I love it. Sajdah doesn’t need to do that awkward events-recap-thing in the interview room, the world is her interview room.

sajdah exchanges knowing glances with the boom guy


Back to New York, New York, home of the world famous Harlem Globetrotters and The Olive Garden’s flagship store!

Romi’s friend wants Romsley to kiss so Kelsey goes for the makeout and Romi gives her the fakeout: “We’re not dying,” she points out. Only dead people should tongue kiss.

Kelsey wants more attention, Romi tells her friends. Kelsey decides to take this up with the management.

Kelsey: “You want more attention, don’t you. I know I want more attention.”
Romi: “I don’t think he does. I think he’s fine.”
Kelsey: “Are you content?”
Dude: “No, no. Content’s not a good word.”
Romi: “No, no — they’re not content, they’re not just like — satisfied.”
Kelsey: “So “content”‘s not a good word.”
Romi: “Noooo.”
Dude: “You’re telling me that you’re content and you’re suggesting that content is a good word. Content’s not good. Are you happy?”
Kelsey: “I’m content.”


Dude wants to know what would make Kelsey happy. Kelsey wants Romi to touch her more. Romi thanks her friends for the therapy session and they look at her like paper plates with eyes.

Romi tries to save the scene with a bit of post-awkward humor, and then drags her insolent girlfriend to the bathroom: “We’re content and we’re going to the bathroom.”

Kelsey: “I’m needy.”
Romi: “You are!”
Kelsey: “Alright then, we’ve established that.”

Romi thinks Kelsey should look into the fact that maybe things can be given in different ways, like how you can mail something overnight OR ground mail OR you can just teleport it on a ponyunicorn express.

Kelsey: “The thing is I don’t think I’m asking for too much.”
Romi: “And I don’t think that I’m not giving too much.”
Kelsey: “And that’s why we’re content.”


Kacy & Cori are going to a sex shop to talk about injecting sperm into a vagina. They need visuals to accompany the voiceover about their lament that they can’t birth the “natural way,” which hurts Ilene as much as it hurts them as she’d wanted to be the owner of the first ever lesbian impregnation ever shown on televison.

That doesn’t mean she won’t try, though.

can’t wait to tell the grandkids about this one

Kacy: “I can get like a jockstrap and we could just like put something in there that shoots it. Do you think that we could modify one?”
Salesguy: “Try Home Depot.”

so that one also is not ‘male anatomy,’ right?

Kacy: “I thought what we could do is we could do is we could take one that looked reasonable sized. Like drill a hole in the middle and just kinda shove it in.”
Cori: “My thinking is that we would get a straw, funnel it in there, and then kind of like a -uh — whaddya call it? A spitball?
Kacy: “Yeah well I–”
Cori: “You would stick it in there”
Kacy: “Spit wad?”
Cori: “I dunno, yeah and then you just go [BLOW FACE]”

Cori: “I wanna know where the Hello Kitty vibrator is.”
Kacy: “Does that by any chance squirt sperm?”
Salesguy: “No but the side that vibrates is actually her face.”
Cori: “I think we’re gonna try Home Depot.”


Back to Whitney’s Wild World of Sin and Women!

wait but how do i pronounce “sara”

Rachel doesn’t know where anything is in this kitchen. For example:

1. the can opener

2. the forks

3. the strap-on

alyssa, just tell me if this orange has been in anybody’s asshole before i eat it

Whitney says she has a magnetism towards Sara and they cannot get away from each other.

Nor can Whitney get away from analogies about her & Sara’s relationship. Whitney’s therapist might suggest this is because there’s no actual substance to their relationship, only vain attempts to shed light on the mysterious beast that is “lust,” which is inexplicable, that’s part of lust’s charm.


Whitney is the next Lil’ Wayne:

Whitney: “I know there’s an attraction there with Sara and it’s taking a toll.. on my… soul.”

The group toasts to a long, prosperous, creamy Season Two:



Cori and Kacy are sharing a meal at a table in a restaurant called Pansita, talking about sperm.

sperm again? ohhhkay.

Brent is an ideal donor b/c he’s far enough away to be Uncle Brent but not too close to be weird-uncle-always-drunk-saying-inappropriate-things-at-barbecues-close.

Cori: “What if my vagina never goes back the way that it should be, are you still gonna love it?
Kacy: “I cannot take this conversation seriously.”
Cori: “Virginia told me — she told me that her Mom gave birth to an 11-pound child and she was all stiched up and she’s sitting there in the chair and she lifts up the gown and looks at her vagina and said HOLY FUCK IT’S BROKEN.”

Kacy promises Cori that she’ll still love her regardless of the eventual state of her vagina:


Sajdah and Chanel are in a club, dancing. I thought all black people were good dancers. What the hell is going on here.

So Sajdah really likes Chanel. Like a lot.

i hope this doesn’t turn out like fingersmith

They went “from being strangers to that step of getting to know each other just like that!”


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Before you go! 99.9% of our readers don't support Autostraddle. Still, it takes funding to keep this indie queer publication running every day. And the majority of our funding comes from readers like you. That's less than 1% of our readers who keep Autostraddle around for EVERYBODY. Will you join them?

Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2885 articles for us.


  1. Pingback: The Real L Word Recap: Episode 201 Fresh Start Body Parts | Great Britain and World News

  2. im very confused about this show, probably because i can’t afford this fancy channel

    but i feel like we should all get shirts made to show we’re we place in this whitney individual’s life.

    like six degrees of separation, but with ex ex ex friend of a cousins sister’s brother’s ex’s best friend’s gnomes puppies ex’s bbq grill

  3. Umm… can you please put the “I thought all black people were good dancers, so this scene makes me feel weird and confused” thought back in your somehow unlocked personal stereotype box? really didn’t need to know that you felt that way … sarcasm or not. was enjoying the recap until i had to get to that part and let out a sigh.

    (please no replies about calming down… i think this reply was pretty light already …)

        • no august is right, i know this may surprise you based on everything else you know about me and everything else I’ve ever said or done, but i’m super racist and i genuinely thought all black people could dance. i mean it’s called a stereotype because it’s true, right? my stepbrother is black and he’s a really good breakdancer, and so is janet jackson and miss march. also HELLO will smith? all of my black friends — because see, i have so many black friends — can dance like michael jackson. all i can say at this point is that i hope sajdah knows how to play basketball or i’m quitting that entire storyline.

          • The longer you continue with that attitude, the worse life gets for each black person on Earth. My 11-month-old nephew is black and white and just crapped his diaper. If you don’t want that to continue, stop it right now.

          • no one has used the word ‘racist’ by the way but you and maybe another commenter. i know that you are assuming that i’m black. but nevertheless, all i was suggesting was that there were other ways to be funny about the dancing or whatever else. too bad what was printed was the best effort. i’m just sayin’… *shrug*

            Thanks for the response though. I enjoyed it. :D

          • nope, i never assume that the person commenting about the portrayal of a certain group/race/gender/orientation/religion/body-type is of that group/race/gender/orientation/religion/body-type’ because actually usually it isn’t.

            anyhoooo! i know nobody used the word racist. that was me using hyperbole. hyperbole, sarcasm… all the tricky tricks in the book, august!

            In any event, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I have to write a lot of jokes every day so they’re not all golden. :-)

          • I actually laughed pretty hard at that joke, cause it was lame and ‘stupid’ in a very good way. My kind of sense of humor. 8-)

            Very late comment cause I just discovered AS and your recaps and i am reading them all right now cause that is genius writing (your intern is doing a good job with the pictures as well).

      • Also sarcasm: IFC wanted to have a black person on the show for the right reasons.
        Not sarcasm: She’s sick of being asked about ‘diversity’ and thought she could kill more than one bird with a black, not femme, not skinny white woman.

        I am reminded of Julie Goldman gagging in the parody. (not sarcasm).

    • I actually thought the same exact thing in a not sober, totally joking around with my friends, sort of way. Guess I’m an ass as well.

      “Hey! She dances like I do! I’m not a total spastic dork either!!”

      Isn’t this whole fucking show based on Chaiken’s need to perpetuate all the dykey stereotypes to the mainstream (or at least all the Showtime subscribers?)
      I agree with mko about her wanting to kill more than one bird with certain characters just so she wouldn’t get shit about diversity and shit.
      I’m also gonna go ahead and blame her (Chaiken) for making me drink/smoke waaaaay tooooo much during the show. waaaaay toooo fucking much. i thought today was saturday what wjhdowk I just realized my bedroom door has a motherfucking lock! I’m gonna feel like shit/death later today you guys, anyone in van nuys cali. want to bring me some relief, please help. for a mere dollar a day you could help feed me. wish I could disapparate into two days from now.

  4. I was supposed to go to the gym when I got up but instead I read this. And it was hilarious. I have to watch it tonight.

    Also, the more I see of Romi, the more she reminds me of my most recent ex…not only do they look somewhat alike but they’re both really weird and needy, it seems.


    I have been reading AS since 2008 and I can honestly say I have never laughed this hard. You are always full of win Riese.

  6. Pingback: The Real L Word Recap: Episode 201 | newstimesworld

  7. Where’s Tor??!!
    Seriously, do you guys know where she is?
    was she like “fuck this shit AND whitney cause she looks like the john travolta character from “Battlefield Earth” and the Predator! I’m outta here!”

    Kelsey is like the smart-ass friend that would completely understand me or completely clash with my smart-ass attitude and hate me and we’d punch each other the fuck out.

    • Also!!!(I’m so drunk right now, sorry)
      I was trying to figure out what the new season reminded me of, with all it’s random city shots and shit, and I realized that it was “The Real World.” Anyone else get that?

  8. I started reading this at work… realized it was NSFW. Rushed home, watched the show. And finished now. SO HILARIOUS. Thanks for making Monday a little more bearable.

    This season looks like it’ll be a little more entertaining (read: more like The Hills or Laguna Beach; less about buying chandeliers, redecorating).

    Also, holy nudity, Batman!

  9. What’s with all the strap-on/sperm references? Is it pandering to the straight demographic or something?

    It’s just annoying to me that people watching this think lesbians just sit around all day fucking off each other with strapons and discussing sperm.

  10. Sara’s Bert eyebrows really bother me. Tor the baby koala was so much cuter. I miss her. And WHERE’S SCARLETT? I want her back!

    Also, did anyone else think it was adorable the way Kacy and Cori’s cat was sandwiched between them at the end all like, “It’s okay you guys!”

    Shit. My excitement re: the new season, my investment with this show, my girl crushes on Scarlett/Tor, my secret desire to be friends with Whitney, my time spent on this site, my obsession with LGBT characters on TV, my TLW DVD collection…how am I still straight? I think I may be one Pride Week away from joining the rainbow coalition, myself.

  11. This show is my guilty pleasure. I live in Australia, so I watch it online. I read this recap straight after I finished watching it.
    Made. My. Night. (it’s about 12:40 AM here in Australia, ie. already Tuesday)

    Also: Romi might say/do some stupid shit but hey, go ahead and call me a “typical pervy slutty bisexual”, cos I ain’t complaining about all the nekkid shots!

    @Nina – wow, straight people read AS? That’s pretty awesome.

  12. I’ve had three hours of a sleep and was about to head to a walk in clinic to get a mysterious pain checked out, but then I had to stop and read this post. It was so worth it. I’m in physical pain but I could not tear myself away. I think I woke my roommate up with my spurts of laughter. Now, to get that medical help..

  13. “…just tell me if this orange has been in anybody’s asshole before i eat it”

    That’s exactly what I asked the produce guy at the grocery store last week. Huh.

  14. Riese, thank you for walking with us through the valley of the shadow of brain-death that is this show. I am now having a really confusing fantasy of being in space with Jedi Whitney while Ani DiFranco and Tracy Chapman jam in a corner

  15. Episode 1 and I already feel like the only person in this cast who isn’t a complete waste of space is Sadjah. It’s like she’s on a completely different show from the rest of them. Can we cut back on Whitney’s screentime and give more of it to Sadjah and her community activism?

    And I am going to slightly disagree with Diver by saying that not even one (white) person looks good with dreads. Not one.

  16. A- Love this! Well done.

    and 2- Gross, pandering, exploitive, wtf?, really?, wait-what?, why would someone let that be filmed?

    Also, IFC is quite possible the anti-christ.

    • Know what made me hate IFC even more? The fact they mentioned the New Zealand Red Cross out of nowhere and they didn’t credit AS. It would not surprise me if the NZRC had paid them to do that.

      Also, thanks for recapping the show Riese. I know it must cause you a great deal of pain to have to watch this shit and then write about it but your recaps are so hilarious.


        then you’ll really know why i spent the afternoon in the fetal position crying with tinkerbell.

        • Am I the only one confused by that random shout out? I was thinking “Wait I don’t get how the are doing something for the NEW ZEALAND Redcross?” They’re in LA…how does that work?”

          Also hugs for Riese.If I’m ever in LA and I see the Real L word camera crew I’ll strip naked and run in front of them with a big signing with AUTO STRADDLE.COM= Real Lesbians on it just for you.

  17. Yes! this is SO hilarious oh my god. EVERY picture with sara photoshopped into it for whitney quote-context was pure gold. and chanel’s picture framed with glittering unicorns. oh my god. cant stop laughing. THANK YOU SOOO MUCH RIESE.

    on another note:

    claire and kelsey are hot. and kacy and cori are adorable/funny. also francine’s verbal smackdown was totally epic. sajdah is interesting to watch but im not really into the whole prowling-lesbian-antics type of storyline.

    everything else about this show i am totally “meh” about. the unnecessary Romigina and sara’s apparent famewhoring are annoying and super cringeworthy. also whitney in general makes me want to go shower -without camera surveillance- every time she is on the screen.

    kelsey, run away, NOW. also did no one notice at the table with romi’s friends she looked like 99% cryface? kelsey seems likeable and totally not deserving of romi’s mindgames. also requiring large amounts of booze as a prerequisite to sex is probably making 234938 lesbians recount drunk-enough-to-sleep-with-boyfriend sex.

    aaand fuck ifc. that is shady and rude.

    • You don’t have to watch to read these. In fact, the recaps are so far superior to the show that it would be the equivalent disappointment of book-turned-movie.

      Don’t bother with IFC especially since she screwed you.

      Just stick with the genius! You’ll spend less on booze and preserve more brain cells too!

  18. First, bravo Riese, I am a fan of your recaps and your sarcasm.
    Second, should I be ashamed to admit that I really like all of the “new” cast members? I would be completely content with this show sans the Whitney love polygon.
    And third, could IFC really not wait until at least episode 7 again to flash Romi’s chachi? Ugh.

  19. This recap was hilare, Riese!

    I was also blown away when Whitney wore a beanie on top of a different beanie. It kind of reminded me of that Dr. Seuss book about the boy with 500 hats or something…every time he takes one off, there’s another one under it. The only time Whitney is hatless is when she’s getting down with Sara, that’s how you know it’s business time.

  20. Alyssa: “So, do you wanna sleep with Rachel?”
    Whitney: “Nooo.”
    Alyssa: “Really? Two days ago you said you were going to have sex with Rachel.”
    Whitney: “Oh. My. GOD! Alyssa!”
    Alyssa: “You did, I’m just saying, I want to know if that changed now.”

    lol my favorite part…Alyssa has the best lines

  21. And here is where you will cry softly to yourself as I fuck someone else in the other room


    Alyssa, just tell me if this orange has been in anybody’s asshole before I eat it

    killed me, in the best way possible. Incidentally, reading about the actual Whitney parts also killed me, but in a painful brain smoothie kind of way. Thank you for your sacrifice, Riese. And fuck you very much, IFC.

  22. Okay. So……

    I’m convinced that this season’s first episode was hellbent on proving that the chart is real. All these damn ex’s.

    Also, has there EVER been a time that Whitney’s dreadlocks looked good? All of the past pictures have not proved that to me yet. I still look at them and imagine the smell of creamed corn.

    HEY SHOWTIME AND IFC> FUCK YOU. I mean, we all could have had a title card of the film clip that gave us context for our few minutes of fame. GOT DAMN. Was it really that hard to write, “Autostraddle Calendar Shoot?” For the amount of time that y’all spent with those big ass cameras, y’all could have put some more shit on the show. Really. Make Francine be at a photoshoot for three days like you did with Tracey.

    Claire, Vivi? HOT. FRANNY? HOT. What a dilemma, you lucky motherfu…..

    Also, why is everybody moving from NY to LA?

    Also, when did Whitney become an artist? When did Whitney become the 5th Teletubby? Why is she wearing two hatssss?

    Rachel: HILARIOUS. Mary and Rhoda line? Awkward as fuck.

    Sajdah, I’m laughing soooo hard. Babygirl, I can’t imagine you straight ever? But then again I’ve heard, eating pussy deepens one’s voice.

    Sajdah created a new dance: The Pussy Bump. It’s a great mating call. But Chanel has a booty. But the weave……..oh the weave……..

    Francine is calling the SHIT out of Claire in this first episode. Claire is like, “Don’t say mean things…” and Francine is like *subtle neck roll* “Bitch you wantcho cake…”

    The sex also feels mighty exploitative. I will be so embarrassed to meet Sara in real life after that scene. I feel like a voyeuristic intruder. Something that real is only sexy when it’s fictional…..

    ALSO Cigarettes got better close-ups than Autostraddle. FUCK YOU AGAIN IFC.


  23. OMG WHITNEY AND ALL OF THE ANALOGIES…. I feel like… this recap is like a kitten and I’m an otter and that’s why I’ll always feel this physical, sexual attraction to it.

    Riese, I think this recap of TRLW is my favorite so far. The reference to Pretty Little Liars made me laugh for a loooong time. I just love everything about it. I’d still love it if its vagina were broken.

  24. I went from wanting to puke to wanting to cuddle through the whole show. The scene with Kacy & Cori waiting for the sperm donor to respond… “I’m sorry. That this is so hard.” …broke my fucking heart. Also, not to make light of it but this:

    Thank you, Riese. A diamond amongst dirt, you are.

  25. Watching The Real L Word season 2, I was anticipating hearing about LA Fashion week between edits, the phrase “Stamie and the kids”, and Jill and Nikki’s overpriced wedding. It’s surreal to not hear all that any more.
    Also, I feel like Whitney had just recently learned the word “soul” before the taping.
    Next time, I will do it the stoned way. This was too hard.

  26. This show was invented entirely for Autostraddle to comment on it. This. is. brilliant.

    I think its a conspiracy.

    Now I’m off to do a white girl dance.

    Do I go to home depot for that?

    Is that sarcasm or realism?

    Help me I have no hat on!

      • Same thought exactly. I’ve never watched the show before but I read the recaps. Tonight I watched the show having already read this brilliance last night. It’s the only way the show is tolerable.

        How to Real L Word:

        1. Read Riese’s recap

        2. Recover from hysterical laughter/take a time out

        3. Optional – watch show, preferably from a non-revenue generating source

        4. Drink between/during all of above after 1. You don’t want to miss anything from step 1.

  27. i havent watched the episode yet since it is not aired in the Philippines.. where can i watch it??????? or download? I’ve watched all of the episodes of season 1 from youtube before…

    based on the recap, i think whit is starting to get on my nerves, and sara as well.. and some other lezzies here.. are they being fake just to be famous???!! ugh…..

    anyways, whether i like what they’re doing or not doesnt matter, because i still want to watch this show coz it’s one of the ways (aside from going through AS and that i could get some dose of lesbian medicine to relieve me from the pain i feel due to a queer-deprived, lonely lesbian life… just saying.

    i like you riese, you’re a funny gal! :)) keep those hilarious recaps coming!!!! :)))

    i’m tired and i’m going to sleep…

  28. yay recaps! reading the recaps was always much better than the actual show. Admittedly i gave up on season 1 before the strap on episode… it was all just getting way too awkward.

    Also; If Alyssa is starting a cult of sensibility i am *so* there…. i’ll bring the hummus.

  29. Hi guys!

    I have a PSA that I need to tell you peeps in watching this show or any h.a.m (hot ass mess) of a situation that the TRLW shows:

    It’s the summer and lesbians are in heat so remember spay neuter your lesbians by scissoring.

    Thank you.

  30. Fav Whitneyism and subsequent reaction:

    Whitney: You just get under my…soul. Its a form of leprosy slowly eating away at my limbs and my skin, thats what you are.

    Sara: I like those limbs

    Am I missing something here? When did comparing someone to infectious diseases start working? Girl’s got game.

    Anyway, bravo, Riese!

    • I know what you’re saying. I can speak a little whitney, let me ‘splain.

      Whitney: You just get under my…soul. Its a form of leprosy slowly eating away at my limbs and my skin, thats what you are.

      translation: some how we are alike and now i want you. you were really hurtful to others and took a piece of them with you and left ’em with open wounds. you’re probably going to do worse (like leprosy) to me because I really like you, so I shouldn’t.

      open wounds eventually heal, leprosy takes longer, leaves you disfigured and a mess (kinda what happened to her after the rachel thing). she doesn’t wana go through that again.

      sara read it like this:

      Whitney: You just get under my…soul. Its a form of leprosy slowly eating away at my limbs and my skin, thats what you are.

      sara’s brain’s translation: we both like sex a lot and especially sex with each other (so much in common!). I want you all over me like a skin diseases.

      so in the end i think whitney was like “I tried to tell her it’s not a good idea,” but gave in when sara misread whitney’s wishy-washy metaphor.

  31. Whitney: “Sara is like a drug to me. It’s like putting a big ol bag of heroin in front of a heroin addict and telling them they can’t touch it.”

    Ummm… gee Whitney it kinda seemd like to me that you were snorting that heroin pretty good.

  32. the hilarious gay incorporated “pussy sauce” not “pussy juice”. minor correction.

    the exchange b/t claire and francine was like watching two dogs barking at one another in some strange language. as much as i think claire is one hot tamale, she needs to take a note from riese and join the “read a fucking book club”

  33. “Whitney in her car, wearing her Princess Lea/UFO-Communicator knitted helmet” Literally laughed outloud at work to this. You are HIL-AR-IOUS. I agree with the shot of Romi’s cooter…what was that about?? I’m intrigued with the couple tryin to have a baby cause this is something bein seriously discussed between my gf and I, and idk they are kind of endearing to me :D…but we’ll see how future shows go. I think Claire looks like a TOTAL asshole and you say you know her and she isn’t so hmmm, not sure if you’re biased or showtime is misrepresenting (maybe a lil of both)? I actually like Sajdah as well even tho you hit the nail on the head regarding the diversity issue and Illene tryin to kill all birds w/ one stone, still she’s funny. Whitney just looks dirty…I don’t get the hype AT ALL. Sara and Romi yes, totally in it for the fame, it’s whateva tho, aren’t all reality show participants in some way?? C’mon. TRLW is like the Jersey Shore for Lesbians, sooo wrong but ya can’t stop watching. I look forward to all the recaps! MUUUAH! ;)

  34. Romi was such a horny hound last season and now she’s doing the old married couple act to Kelsey? I don’t like this. Kelsey is adorable!

    I personally think Kesley and Chanel are the hottest things on this show. Like seriously. Forreals.

    I also hate that we are forced to pronounce Sara’s name like that. I get that that’s the pronunciation she was born with, but it actually irks me to no end whenever Whitney says her name. It just makes her sound like a Goddess. The light of Whit’s world who refuses to be called Sarah. I hate it. I do.

  35. This is my first exposure to TRLW and Whitney is actually a total doppelganger for my old philosophy teacher, only with dreads. And, you know, slightly more wacky. Slightly.

    Alyssa: It closed?

    Whitney: Like a glove.

  36. okay, so I don’t have showtime and this is the first recap I’ve read because IFC sucks. But wait. do they shows these girls having sex? like, in real life?! this is….so incredibly disturbing and unbelievably exploitative. I mean, is this what it is?

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