Hellooooo friends, and welcome to Dinah Shore 2011! Your intrepid Autostraddle editors will be scampering about Palm Springs like the cute little Chuck-Taylor-wearing sunburnt drunk internet kittens we are, and we have left an equally intrepid and adorable team of interns to communicate all of our adventures to you in the meantime. We’ll be hitting all the events, shows and parties of Girl Bar’s Dinah Shore Weekend 2011, and we want you to be there with us in spirit! Here’s a map of Dinah AutoHQ, courtesy of Design Director Alex Vega:
And check out our schedule of all the Dinah action happening this weekend! We’ll be at Girl Bar events Thursday through Sunday, and you might think you’re ready but you’re not ready. But we’re doing this anyway! Here we go!
Thursday March 31st, 2011
11:03 am: Tinkerbell is alive.
12:11 pm: Riese and Haviland made a pre-Dinah vlog for you! JK they just took some pictures together.
12:45 pm: Rachel, via email: This is groceries and booze for ten lesbians for four days, this episode brought to you by the letters T and J.
1:30 pm: Rachel, via email: Jk we’re not going to sunshine were just going to watch the real l word parody over and over the entire weekend.
But I want to see some girls in bikinis.
Emily Choo is sitting alone in her room eating triscuits and hummus. Carolyn is sitting alone in her room drinking coffee. Why is Canada so cold.
1:55 pm: Rachel, via email: Packing for sunshine = all of the mangoes.
2:23 pm: Rachel, via email: Lesbians in a car! We’re finally leaving LA!
2:51 pm: Rachel, via email: Just kidding, we haven’t left LA yet. Filling tires instead.
2:58 pm: Rachel, via email: MANGO TIME.
I am not sure what else is going on in that car right now but I am sure it is hilarious, until someone tells me I’m just gonna start writing on all the photos with white text in tribute to stuff lesbian kittens like.
3:27 pm: Sarah F*cking Palmface, via twitter: 3:29 pm: Sarah F*cking Palmface, via an email from Rachel: “I want to go to there.”
3:46 pm:4:05 pm: Everyone is still at In n Out, which is a restaurant, which I did not realize until Rachel sent me the following photos:Rachel, via email: You guys! I have never been to in n out ever in my life before, I am 99% sure this veggie burger wasn’t vegan but I ate it anyway.4:38 pm: Rachel, via email: i think my phone has been autocorrecting dinah to sunshine
5:09: Rachel via twitter:5:26: THE U.S.S. AUTOSTRADDLE HAS LANDED…sort of:
Sarah, via email: jess r., laneia and riese are in Palm Springs, figuring out the hotel sitch. Alex, Jessica, Rachel and I are still not there, because whatever car I take to Dinah apparently always ends up being hours late. But we’ll be there soon!
6:29 pm: Riese, via email:
so we have one room at the hotel zozo (or zoso? idk)
and one room at the hyatt
and all the alcohol is in the car
so far nobody has yelled at anybody so we’re doing better than last year
Sarah F*cking Palmface, via email:
We are getting ready for the comedy show! While sipping whiskey, the conversation has turned to spirit animals. We decided that riese is her own spirit animal.
Alex: There’s no animal that encompasses you. You’re like a hybrid creation of someone like J.R.R. Tolkein.
Rachel: Yeah there are people asking their parents for a baby Riese.
7:18 pm: So it sounds like the drinking has started and is delicious, at least if you like bananas.
Laneia is all like, “Can I wear cowboy boots over pants?” Riese is heavily pondering this, but I think that we all know the answer is: shorts. The shortest shorts possible.
UPDATE: Rachel is worried that Laneia is not going to wear the cowboy boots. This is silly, as boots are for kicking ass, and that is what Laneia does. She is going with the pants. But we all know that pants are temporary/a social construct/meant to be removed.
Rachel, via email: Also I got really excited about oranges and bought 8 pounds of them at Trader Joe’s but somehow no lemons or limes for drinks. I am not sure yet whether this was a mistake.
Can we all just discuss how this bag of oranges looks like a gnome?
Rachel: It turns out Alex vega and I use the same brand of makeup? I feel way sexier now
8:34 pm: Emily Choo — So, I haven’t heard anything from anyone in a while, but if you’re curious as to the liveblog of my life, I just finished eating a bowl of cereal and now I am staring at my computer screen.
8:36 pm: Somewhere in Palm Springs the following things are happening right this minute:
Girlbar’s Welcome Party at Hunter’s Night Club (8 pm to 2 am)
And Funny Girlz 6 Comedy Show, at Hotel Zoso, which started five minutes ago, if you are at Palm Springs and on a laptop reading this and were planning to make it there, RUN, you might miss Julie Goldman! (Also, Stamie K, Tracy Ryerson, Liz Feldman, and Erin Foley)
9:11 pm: Everyone at Palm Springs is MIA, Katrina is telling me about termites.
Katrina: did you know
that termites can fly
because we just found that out
Katrina: i know right
how fucking horrifying
Emily: what are you doing to solve this problem
Katrina: um, right now?
screaming and running around and emailing our landlord
Emily: that sounds productive
10:05 pm: Um, still no word from anyone. I guess this means they are having such a good time they forgot why they’re there in the first place: TO SEND CUTE PICTURES OF EVERYONE BEING MADE OF KITTENS, OBVS.
10:26 pm: This is what Katrina and Emily look like with no updates from the team.
Also, we are vaguely worried, like lesbian mothers pacing around in slippers waiting for their drunk daughters to come home. Like, “Why you no call me? I wait up all night for you, you no come home for dinner, I worry myself sick! Santa Maria help us all!”
It is uncertain whether or not anyone’s mother actually talks that way, but if Emily and Katrina were Autostraddle’s lesbian mothers, they would probably sound kind of like that. It would also sound like this:
Emily: i think they all died already
Katrina: wow that was so quick
Emily: i know the weekend hasn’t even started
Katrina: we should go rescue them
while wearing cutoff shorts
Emily: we can squeeze into one plane seat
Katrina: or no pants
Emily: i wonder what happened to them
Katrina: i think probably ‘alcohol’
STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT.
10:48 pm: THE TEAM IS ALIVE AND HAS SOME VERY IMPORTANT UPDATES (turns out there was no internet and they were alive all along)
Rachel: Stamie’s son Jagger is my spirit animal. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
Sarah F*cking Palmface: Julie Goldman just said pussy SO MANY TIMES I can’t even
11:11 pm: Rachel via gchat:
Basically, we just went to Girl Bar’s Funny Girlz comedy show
with Tracy Ryerson, Stamie K, Liz Feldman, Erin Foley, and Julie Goldman
I think Stamie’s son Jagger is my spirit aniimal
and Julie Goldman was amazing
11:14 pm: Rachel, Riese, Laneia, Sarah, Haviland, and Jess R are now back in the hotel room.
11:24 pm: Rachel via gchat:
brandy is coming over
we are skipping the party at Hunter’s and instead having a “never go to sleep ever in the hotel room” party
11:41 pm: So because of forces beyond anyone besides Verizon Wireless’s control, there are no pictures yet of anything funny or comedic. But trust me you guys it was super! Great! The bar had vodka tonics SO obvs it was super enjoyable.
11:44 pm: HELLO HERE ARE SOME BLURRY PHOTOS TAKEN VIA HTC ERIS. YOU ARE WELCOME. THIS EPISODE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY VODKA TONICS.
12:04 AM: Julie, Brandy, Alex, Jess, Haviland and Sarah are boldly going where quite a few lesbians have gone before, which is to the Thursday night party at Hunter’s across the street from Hotel Zoso. Other members of Team Autostraddle are not so brave, and are staying inside the hotel room which is fortified with air conditioning and All Of The Oranges. It’s like All Of The Lights except Alex Vega is better at typography. Anyways tomorrow maybe we will have more updates and possibly photographs from the INSANE LESBIAN DEBAUCHERY of tonight’s party, but for tonight GO TO BED WEIRDOS. Or eat a mango or something IDK. We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning! <3