Terrible/AWESOME Thanksgiving Open Thread For all Your Homo Holiday Feelings

sesame_street_thanksgivingHi! How’s your American Thanksgiving, ladies all over the world? We miss you or perhaps we’ve never met you, but this thread exists for all you lesbians, bisexuals, girls, bois, straight dudes, straight ladies, and muppets to share your terrible/AWESOME Thanksgiving feelings.

We’re beginning to feel it was slightly unfair for Adam Lambert to pull that stunt so close to the holidays, almost guaranteeing you have to deal with that conversation today. Are your relatives extolling the virtues of Going Rogue or bitching about Our Socialist President?  Or perhaps they are extolling the virtues of Rachel Maddow, wondering what will happen next on Glee and fawning over your cute girlfriend? Or maybe you’re a girl with a cute Life Partner making pie for your adorable ideally-raised children? Also we changed our mind, Adam Lambert wins and is awesome for making that conversation happen.

So tell us how you feel. To get you started, here’s some feelings shared by Autostraddle Interns and Team in private emails they were not warned would be released to the public:


Intern Laura – My family just spent twenty minutes talking about a drink called a wet pussy. now we’re talking about Adam Lambert. y’all are invited next year.

Alex – Surprisingly, my cousin just defended Adam Lambert like whoa. I’m surprised and that makes me feel good.

Intern Lily – I’d just like to point out that my thanksgiving involved my mother inviting every old person that we know to come over. Also our conservative 90 year old neighbor talked for 20 minutes about how much she loves Rachel Maddow, she just calls her “Rachel”. She also loves the fact that I’m taking Womens Studies and that we better be thankful for all that her generation of women did for us.  But then she talked about saints and catholicism and it was awkward.

Tell us your stories, ladies. Yes, lurkers, this is a perfect time to de-lurk!

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  1. my dad: “when are you going to get a real job?” me: “i have a real job” dad: “women’s rights is not a real job.” fun! thanksgiving is always the best.

    autstraddle is actually always the best. kisses and hugs.

    • omg it is so hard to get ANY job right now. in any event, what is a “real job”? men’s rights? Wal-Mart? The Republican Administration? Phi Sigma Kappa? Oh lord. so much work to do. kisses/hugs/long hugs.

  2. I am thankful for Canada. Today my friend said that I was too Canadian to turn down an offer to go to Tim Hortons. I love everyone! I hope everyone’s holidays are fun! I hate spending time with my family so I am thankful that I don’t have to do that.

    • i miss home. i tried the timmy’s down here – did you know that the “medium” here is really the “large”? i asked for a medium and they gave me a large, and told me that was the medium. the “medium” is really the small. and they don’t have the normal small. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL.

        • HAHAHA YES!
          bcw: I’ve noticed that with so much stuff in the states. Also, maybe this is an urban myth, but I heard that McDonalds sells different size big macs. like, you can get a “small” big mac or a BIG big mac.
          Can you confirm or bust this myth?

          • woah woah woah. which big mac would be the small one, the one i’m used to seeing? HOW BIG IS THE BIG ONE THEN. i haven’t seen or heard anything about different sizes of big macs, but then maybe i’m not going to the right mcdonaldses. or any mcdonaldses.

  3. i am currently getting ready after spending the morning jogging and cutting heads off straw dummies in the park with my sword (hobbies are good).
    Now, im off to a dinner with some friends, one of which may have inadvertently ruined my relationship with the girl i was going to marry.

    but then tonight it’s going to be me and my best friends (all boys) and we will be playing midnight laser tag. So good.

    • omg laser tag is THE BEST. Wow, my day got better just by THINKING about laser tag. I’m so excited I’m using ALL CAPS, and I don’t love all caps nearly as much as I love other things…. LIKE LASER TAG!

  4. My family was decent, though I admit drinking to get through it. There was a moment of tension talking about Israel/Palestine with my Jewish relatives and it was amusing answering my aunt’s questions about my being a “lipstick lesbian.” All in all not too bad. All I have to do is get ready to work at four am on Black Friday. Blegh.

  5. My step brother is gay. I’m bisexual and currently dating a girl. So when it was my stepdads turn to say what he’s thankful for he glared at me and the step-bro and said he’s thankful for the grandchildren in his future. Real subtle. Happy thanksgiving

    • maybe he thinks that your step-bro is going to be your donor when you and your girlfriend wanna have kids? or maybe the world sucks … the obsession with procreation blows my mind. I want to have kids for sure, but I almost feel guilty about that want ’cause I know the world is already overpopulated.

      Did your stepbrother bring anyone?

      • I don’t get the obsession with baby-making either. My brother and I are both gay and my mom acts like it’s killing her. She wants grandkids so badly and she’s so hurt by us not being “normal heteros” who can have babies. Ugh. Thankfully, this didn’t come up as an issue this Thanksgiving.

  6. Aside from dealing with my flaming heterosexual cousin making awkward comments about my hot best friend and a brief interlude of racism from my aunt, this year wasn’t actually that bad.

    My girlfriend, however, just came out to her mother on Tuesday and yesterday was sat down and given the usual talk about how selfish she is for coming out right before a stressful family holiday and how she’s a disappointment and she’s only with me because it’s “cool” to be gay in college. We’re a few states apart, so I’ve spent all day really just thinking about how badly I want her to be here with me and my family instead of awkwardly guilt tripped all day by hers.

  7. Having an amazing Thanksgiving with another lesbian couple. We made a “Thankful For” box and wrote things we were thankful for, like Rock Band, wine, each other, and boobs. Some of our families are not ok with our relationships, so it was nice to have an open and fun thanksgiving before seeing our families and having awkward convo about the weather.

  8. I spent a large portion of the day hiking with my pupperoni. He had a good time sniffing and peeing. I had a good time not spending Thanksgiving with any family members. I’m celebrating with my friends and “chosen family” on Saturday. I’m having “Pie Baking Lady GaGa Dance Party” tomorrow in preparation. Do I smell a new tradition? …or maybe that’s the neighbor’s stove on fire.

    Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

    • I have a good time not spending holidays with my family too. Also, with Lady Gaga and pie you can never go wrong!

  9. I am working through today and the weekend so no family for me. It is kind of a bummer because my family is pretty cool. However, I am going to call my grandmother later, and when she asks me for the millionth time if I have a boyfriend yet, I am going to tell her that I am gay. That will give me some satisfaction until she starts asking if I have a girlfriend yet.

  10. My family is totes on our side as far as Adam Lambert! Which is surprising. I think mostly they are on the side of more sexuality everywhere.

    • ya know the only person who had new opinion on him was my 15 yr old sister..which is weird, because she loved/loves him. I even went outta my way this summer to have him sign a picture she drew of him haha. But then she said she hadn’t even seen the performance and I showed her & she didn’t care nemore haha

  11. I live in Australia and we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here. Even if we did, the holiday would have technically been yesterday because right now it’s already Friday here, I’m writing to you from the future.

    Yesterday – on pretend Australian Thanksgiving – I got drunk and watched the ARIA music awards. I was thankful for music and for ARIA memories past, and for Luke Steele and for Luke Steele’s eye shadow. Have a happy holiday everyone.

  12. My family keeps talking about how much they love my girlfriend and they all agree that America is the one with the problem, not Adam Lambert. Go Jews!

    Also my sister gave me a live Beyonce DVD so I know what I’ll be doing once I get home.

  13. Why, hello there, children’s table. Good to see the fact that I’m now 20 hasn’t changed anything. Maybe if I were hetero, I’d be promoted to the dining room? Sigh. At least they still gave us neon crazy straws. Yays!

    Have a happy holiday, anti-holiday, etc.

    • i use neon crazy straws too b/c it protects your teeth!

      maybe if you were married you’d get promoted to the dining room which i guess means if you were hetero? SIGHSERS

    • oh man! I always get stuck at the children’s table too, at least they have the decency to lie and tell me it’s so that I can “keep an eye on the kids”. probs I’d be doing that right now, if this weekend was thanksgiving for me, but I live in the land of Canada so I already suffered this holiday this year. *phew*

  14. i sincerely hope we have an open thread for christmas since i will need to share my feelings a lot b/c i’ll be in TN — land of many republicans and conservative christians and feelings.

    all i can report about this thanksgiving is that Eli only wanted to eat his roll and said he was thankful for chocolate cake. Slade is too old to say adorable things, but he did put away the dishes, so. i think now we’re going to watch Transformers 2, which makes me nervous b/c i think there’s a rather explicit sex/sexy scene w/ Megan Fox? watching sexy women around a 10 yr-old makes me feel very awkward b/c i’m worried that he’s thinking, “omg, my mom probably thinks that girl’s hot, omg.” you know? no? just me?

    anyway, happy thanksgiving!

    • just so you are prepared there are a ridiculous number of sexy scenes with megan fox, and awesome slow motion at times. although tbh pretty much every scene shes in is sexy as its megan fox. i saw it with 7 yr old twins, one of whom was terrified most of the time and the other loved every second, but the megan foxness went straight over their heads. although we did have a convo after about how only having one girlfriend at a time is best.

      also yes please on the christmas thread, its going to be terrible!

          • I HOPE SO! your gatherings sound infinitely more fun than mine.

            also, i have to find out when Hanukkah starts [there are no jewish ppl in TN so there’s a lot i don’t know about these things] b/c cheryl says that’s when i can buy the iced raisin bread @ Karsh’s Bakery.

          • just so y’all know i am going to be in my room for all of those holidays so you KNOW YOU CAN DEPEND ON ME FOR LOTS OF PERSONAL FEELINGS!!

    • oh my goodness i have so many of the same feelings. definitely spent today in cabela’s, after parking next to the car with WAKE UP AND SMELL THE SOCIALISM on the bumper, in between the NRA table and the sign explaining the store’s rules for concealed carrying. I was afraid I had QUEERMO written across my forehead and legit almost cried.

      also i saw the trailer for transformers2 this weekend and had the exact same reaction to megan fox

      • OMG I JUST NOTICED YOU MENTIONED CABELAS. I want to attach several photos of me in the gun library, wearing waders or hot orange hunting caps, standing next to a stuffed jackalope etc but I guess I can’t do that.

  15. It was going pleasant enough until the topic of Adam Lambert’s “obscene homosexual performance” came up. Then my family said a bunch of homophobic stuff for 10 minutes, while I bit my closeted-obscene-homo tongue. At the end of dinner we did the thing where you have to say all the things you are thankful for. These same people claimed to be thankful for things like “love”, “grace”, and “salvation”(’cause somehow every fucking holiday has to be about Jesus in this family). I was thankful for Lady Gaga and pumpkin pie…and at this moment I’m extremely thankful for Autostraddle.

    • I smell what you are stepping in. My family doesn’t even know who Adam Lambert is and if they do I’m sure they would be like “oh you mean that big homo from American Idol?”. yea they are a beacon of hope and a pillar of support.

  16. We have the same three conversations every thanksgiving-
    1- trytophan makes you sleepy
    2- my mom’s cousin thinks Dexter is the greatest show on television
    3- football banter about the buffalo bills and the jets.

    I have little to contribute on these subjects but they are rarely inflammatory so it’s a peaceful holiday.
    After we leave I am going to get drunk with my newly 21 year old brother. I am thankful we both like beer.
    Xox autouniverse, hope everyone’s holiday remains pleasant

  17. Thanksgiving of 2008 was the day I came out to my mother. So today was a little awkward when I did it, again, drunkenly, to my extended family.
    I blame them for offering me alcohol.

  18. this is my queerest thanksgiving ever. two gay couples, an uncomfortable straight meathead guy, kelsey’s questionably gay mom and brother and her unquestionably straight father. oh shit the meathead just sat next to me on the couch. better go.

  19. falling into the “girl with a cute Life Partner making pie for your adorable ideally-raised children” catergory, we had a day of grilling, baking, cocktails (for us), juice boxes (for the kids), music, family (her bro), and friends (straight and gay). the usual calls from mom, dad, step moms, step dads, sisters, brothers, and everyone in between. tnt are finally old enough to express coherent thoughts and said they are thankful for “family”. t1 said he was “specially” thankful for his mommies and t2 (his sister), then she spilled her juice on him (on accident, i think). now im being pressured to go to bed so i can wake up at the ass crack of dawn to go shopping. success! mazel mazel all!

  20. my sister in her “50’s housewife” outfit tells me i need jewelry so that i don’t look like a boy. her fiancee won’t let me watch the beyonce special on t.v; they both have invited eligible bachelors to dinner (oh, whoops, was i supposed to pay attention to them?). my aunt makes some snide comment about the number of beers i’ve consumed. then they all clamor for me to play my banjo. so i play it. i am thankful for music.

  21. Well, I’ve got a rather interesting relationship to Thanksgiving …

    I just spent the last 8 years living in the USA, specifically Chicago (University of Illinois at Chicago!!) doing my doctorate … and I’ve just returned home to New Zealand (literally, 2 months ago, and am up to my eyeballs in job searching and reverse culture-shock … it’s all very weird).

    But the thing is … I’m finding I’m really missing Thanksgiving … I even wrote a blog post about it on my blog (top entry):


    I never thought I would, but I totally do … it was the really cool getting together of loved ones, without all the attendant shite that comes with xmas and the like; it’s just a time to come together, eat wayyyyy too much food, and groan and moan from over-consumption in front of football …

    And while this may sound weird coming from a femme, but I really do miss football (which may also sound like sacrilege coming from a kiwi from rugby-mad New Zealand … don’t worry, still adore my rugby, but I found a definite enjoyment of American football).

    I have a friend’s BBQ to go to this evening (it’s Spring here after all), so even though there will be no Americans there to really celebrate it with me, but I’ll take it as my Thanksgiving … not to mention, there’s this really cute chick I’ve kinda been talking to for a little while that’s going to be at the BBQ, and I guess this is my chance to see if she is remotely queer … course, my luck always runs that such women reveal themselves to be straight …

    • Haha, oddly enough I’m an American studying in New Zealand right now. Love your comment! It was odd to watch cricket on Thanksgiving instead of American football and seeing turkeys on the sides of the roads instead of the dinner table (the vegetarian in me was thankful for this). I’m scared to go back to the states in a few weeks and experience reverse culture shock and leave my kiwi girl, open lifestyle, and summer behind :(

      • Awwww hon, that blows … yeah, after sooooo many years in the US, the reverse culture shock is pretty damn strong … but one thing I do love is being able to be so out and free as gay here in New Zealand.

        I mean, sure, I lived in Chicago, which is pretty damn liberal, but still, compared to here, it’s still a big difference where everyone simply accepts you.

        I had to leave my girlfriend in Chicago when I left, so I feel what you’re going through.

  22. I had casserole tonight, with potatoes and bacon in it…tasty. Then I watched some hockey. I had my turkey a couple weeks ago, cuz I live in Canada!

    • You know, I’ve always actually slightly enjoyed the idea of hockey, and I hate hate sports. I don’t understand america’s obsession with Football. It’s gross and pointless. Maybe I should just move to canada! Or at least hockey should become popular in the US.

  23. My mother asked my straight guy friend at the dinner table if he would father my future babies so she could have grandchildren. But she said it with her cute Bronx accent and I actually wouldn’t mind that scenario, so I’m going to say I broke even on that one. =)
    Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

  24. Well, I had a pleasant afternoon/evening with the “cool” side of my family (a.k.a. mom’s side) and that was, as usual, painless and fun. Wednesday, on the other hand, I had a pre-Thanksgiving lunch with my dad and grandmother where my dad unleashed a torrent of racism and homophobia (at no one in particular…he knows I’m gay, we just don’t talk about it) that nearly made my eyebrows fly off my face and made me kinda sad for a little while afterward. D:

    • Why do the holidays seem to foster racist and hommophobic comments from family members?? I just don’t get it.

  25. I was forced to eat turkey in an old folk’s home and watch Fox News. It’s quite hard to swallow food amidst the smell of sterilizer. Then I went home and cooked myself some homemade pizza/watched current tv. I’m thankful for my family/friends, Trader Joe’s, Lady Gaga, and Autostraddle this year. You all brighten up my day. (I mean this in a non-creepo way)

    • Bah I did the “old folk’s home” Thanksgiving once too…not fun.
      And Autostraddle is totally thankful for you!

  26. I’m a vegetarian, so mostly, I had to contend with dead animal carcass everywhere, the stench, please keep my food away from yours, and really, I have plenty to eat. Knowing that my formerly veg friends are participating in it makes me sad. But, I reined in my horror because no one really gives a shit.

    Since we didn’t have extended family at the table this year, I didn’t have to listen to the when are you getting a boyfriend, aren’t you a little old to still be single thing. All of this in my head reminds me of that scene in But, I’m a Cheerleader! It’s just not something I want to deal with during the holidays. Really, I just want to hang out and celebrate the harvest with family and zero drama. I am thankful to have gotten that this year.

    I am also thankful that I didn’t have to go to school on Thanksgiving like I did a few years ago/study abroad. That kinda sucked.

    • I didn’t even think about the whole going to school on Thanksgiving thing when studying abroad! Good to know for future when I figure out if I’m going to go anywhere!
      Also, my father made a “Turducken” for our day after Thanksgiving party. I’m not a vegetarian but there was no way in hell I was going to eat a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey. SO gross and SOOOOO wrong.

  27. We talked a lot about the kennedy’s for some reason at mine. Like they kept coming up, maybe it is a Massachusetts thing? Then I introduced my aunt to Modern Family. Then she said she loves Jane Lynch except she knows her from Two and a Half Men – I had very very very mixed feelings on that

    • I will never understand the popularity of Two and a Half Men. And my coworker is currently watching it. I should also mention that he just cleaned his desk with air freshener. I don’t feel that these two facts are entirely unrelated.

  28. We hosted Thanksgiving dinner for a bunch of lesbos and their kids. We ate a lot, drank wine and then did airplanes (children and adults alike). I’m so thankful that we didn’t travel anywhere.

  29. Today I cooked for my roommate after her very long day of work. When I set down her plate and said “Happy American Thanksgiving” her response was “oh is that today?” Which I proceeded to score as one point for those of us who are unemployed and have nothing better to do than keep up with an American holiday that falls on a Thursday (really? thursday?) when we live in Canada.

    • Thursday never made sense to me either. However I would never want it to fall on a friday/satuday/sunday because that would mean less time off from school. The fact that I’m back at school now makes me sad/angry. I WISH IT WAS STILL THANKSGIVING.

  30. I have a lot of homo/holiday feelings so I have decided to put them in a list format to avoid confusion.

    Allow me to take you on a little top 10 tour of my “holiday”.

    1. One of my family members said that “GLenn Beck is smart as a whip”.
    2. My mom used the phrase “queer as a 2 dollar bill” in reference to someone she saw on tv.
    3. Got into a 30 minute argument with the WOMEN in my family who do not think ANY woman should EVER be president!!!!!???$% WTF!!!!! RIGHT? I mean why don’t I just fetch all the men in the room a beer with my teeth and then crawl back on my hands and knees in my apron with my baby strapped on my back?? oh yea.. because no one in my family drinks.
    4. You know those crazies who think Obama wasn’t born in the U.S.? Yea………………………
    5. Family thinks Obama hates white people….. even though he’s half white.
    6. My grandmother kept referring to herself in the third person
    7. Was forced to sing a Christmas song on Thanksgiving for my Baptist family.
    8. Shopping………..oh what’s that? oh no, I love shopping!………..just not at Wal-mart
    9. Was hit on in the mall by a lady cop. I of course had to brush it off seeing as how I’m not out to my family, but I definitely winked at her and my grandmother saw which was super awkward.
    10. We bought a Christmas tree. The fake kind… with the colored lights already attached.

    And that was just the first half of the day.

    Can someone shoot me? Also, next year I want to celebrate at Intern Hot Laura’s house.

    • Um. Sapphicsass, are we in the same family? Are you me?
      I’m having the same Thanksgiving over here in Louisiana. Minus the lady cop.

      • What’s up han? No, I do not think we are in the same family. I also, am about 50 % sure that I am not you. But glad to know somebody else knows where I’m coming from. The entire day was pretty much a game show of Obama vs. My Mama. And there is just no winning at that game. Ever heard of the saying “when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” Yea, me niether. Good luck.

    • Canada used to have two dollar bills!

      your thanksgiving sounds like a a a horrible nightmare from hell where I am told Obama and all us gays are going. Good company, at least!

    • i think the lady cop trumps all that other noise. hold your head high, sapphicsass.

      a friend of ours recently had a tree-decorating party at her house (PRE-thanksgiving) and the tree was an artificial one with the lights attached. i have to say, it was the most even distribution of lights on a tree i’d ever seen. that’s about the only thing it had going for it, though.

    • There are still two dollar bills. It’s supposed to be queer as a three dollar bills. I love it when people can’t get their slurs right.

  31. i’m turning into asher roth. tonight this happened (drunkenly):

    uncle: katrina, are you gaining weight in college? you need to lose weight.
    kcdanger: i’m sorry, i can’t! i love beer too much!

  32. Lessee, mine was just a huge argument with my drunkish and super wrong aunt…


    1. Whether or not the drinking age is 18
    2. Whether or not it is racist to ask if my Kenyan friend uses deodorant
    3. Whether or not I should visit a sex shop with her
    *Vomit in my mouth interlude*
    4. Whether or not Lady Gaga is a man
    5. Whether or not I should withdraw from a college course
    6. Whether or not a pineapple upside-down cake that’s been in the freezer since September is still edible
    7. Whether or not you can freeze cakes

    There were some homo/high points though. Fortunately I escaped to the basement, where I talked to my cousin about college and discussed Adam Lambert and the double standard revolving around male homosexuality and legitimate homosexuality in the media. We also discovered a shared love for Lady Gaga. Sadly, the convo was disrupted by the sheer amount of action Whoopie Goldberg gets in “The Color Purple.” (I don’t ever want to see Whoopie kissing someone no thank you)

  33. so, today i:
    1. cleaned my apartment while listening to “guerilla PR 2.0” on audiobook
    2. got an idea for how we can be grrlillas
    3. put everything back
    4. went to the gym but kept coughing up stuff and this guy was giving me the evil eye so i was like fuck this shit, i am trying to help you build your immune system and you are giving me a “you have #swineflu” look
    5. realized there is no food in my house or on delivery.com
    6. went to the deli to get some crackers or something, when i got my change i opened my mouth to say “thank you” and realized i had no voice anymore, couldn’t believe i’d gone all day without making this realization, but also needed to cough, so instead of saying “thank you” i just stood there with my mouth open and my eyes watering, which was embarrassing
    7. edited a riese & haviland vlog
    8. called alex and asked her to make me mashed potatoes
    9. sent a lot of emails about marketing stuff to people who were probs busy with their families
    10. wrote a blog entry for autowin b/c i guess like ppl want me to do that
    11. wrote this top 10

  34. Aside from too much football and tryptophan talk, my Thanksgiving was relatively normal. My racist/sexist/homophobic uncle was hungover, so he only called my cousin ‘gay boy’ as an insult once or twice.

  35. Awesome Thanksgiving!!! We ate tamales before having turkey, my parents think people are ignorant for not understanding Adam Lambert’s performance, and my brother recommended watching the shows Glee and Modern Family. When my brother makes statements like these I sometimes wonder if my parents had two gay children instead of one.

  36. it was awesome! despite living in the US for more than 20 years, my family still doesn’t celebrate thanksgiving so it was my first time. my girlfriend’s mom invited me for the whole weekend to “get to know her future daughter-in-law”. the family was really nice, but the uncle, oh man.
    uncle (quite drunk): so, you’re not american?
    me: genetically speaking no. legally speaking yes.
    uncle: and this is your first thanksgiving?
    me: yup, the very first.
    uncle: and you’re fucking my niece? who the hell invited her?

    then i was avoiding him for the rest of the evening. thank god, he’s going back to texas today.

    • Oh goodness…way for that uncle to make make a nice evening ridiculously awkward. Other than that though you’re holiday sounded wonderful!

  37. 3 dinners, in which i was thankful for septa no longer being on strike. one with the neighbors, then one with an aunt (aunt B, and the other with yet another aunt K. topics of discussion included: why my hair is so short, why i’m not eating the turkey/ham, why god doesn’t exist, and why i don’t have a girlfriend (these were at the neighbors and aunt K’s). at aunt B’s, one of my cousin’s decided i was a boy and called my andy the entire time i was there. (last week i was a girl named kaitlyn). also, avoided aunt C so as to avoid her homophobia and ‘why i am teaching her children to be gay’, but somehow ended up seated next to her at dinner. needless to say, i ate my dinner very quickly. other than aunt C, my family accepts me obviously.

    • Thanksgiving is always so disfunctional! That’s cool about your family though (except for your aunt C of course).

  38. in the car with my family and my parents somehow start talking about abstinence and celibacy:

    (in ‘chinglish’)
    mum: does anyone actually not have sex
    dad: homo. homos, they don’t have sex
    mum: pause…(she knows im queer but my dad doesnt) uh, awkward laugh…nooo, homos, they have their own kind of sex.

    …and then super awkwardly tries to explain to my dad how exactly ‘homo’ sex works for the next 5 minutes…

    points to my mum for being so ballsy, but oh my god this was hilariously awkward.

  39. we went to the macy’s parade, because I’m canadian and sometimes it shows. this float went by with some dude on it, and all the people around us somehow decided it was adam lambert (it wasn’t, and also he would have a way better float than that), but nobody could remember his name, referring to him only as “that guy who did the nasty” and “fucking faggot.” it was really special. then we let one of their daughters move in front of us because children are the future, not them. then we saw alan cumming on the hedwig/m&m’s float (what?) and everything was okay.

    • I turned on my TV yesterday and it was on the channel showing the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. It also just happened to be the time Alan Cumming was singing on the float. I turned the TV back off when he was done because I knew I had just won at watching it.

  40. I drank Pink Wine from a box with my grandmother who told me she doesn’t like vegetables because they are “sexless”.

  41. Mum: Are you still seeing that girl?
    Me: Yeah we’re actually seeing each other tomor…
    Dad: Wait! What girl?
    Mum: This girl she saw, and will see.
    Me: I’m seeing her.
    Dad: I see. Want another beer?

    All is well :)

    • (I had to… I just had to.) Ok, and maybe I’ve had a little too much “egg-nog” to drink. I spiced mine up a little bit if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

  42. I was just forced into several hours of black friday shopping with my mom and two uber conservative aunts. i didn’t talk much. my mom bought me lots of things, so i guess it wasn’t all bad.

    ps. my family has no clue who adam lambert even is.

    • did you enlighten them about who adam lambert is by buying one of the aunts his cd? because you should. They’ll love the cover obviously

  43. We don’t have Thanksgiving in Australia, but my goal by this time next year is to start dating an American because any holiday that involves the consumption of pumpkin pie and those yam things with marshmallows melted over them is a tradition that I need to muscle in on.

    Also, I love Little House on the Prairie.

    • you should tell everyone around you that you’re escaping religious persecution and then start your own thanksgiving!

  44. Thanksgiving was awkward. My mom is mentally ill and I grew up hearing how it was ok for men to be gay, but not women. She never could really give a reason. She stabilized about two years ago and we got along really well, first time that’s ever happened. I ended up coming out to her about two months ago and she was fine with it. She flipped out again about three weeks ago and is now telling me that my les-ness is just a phase. Sigh. At least I got the good mom for awhile . . . That is something I never thought I’d have, and something I’m very thankful for.

  45. Thanks to Audiostraddle, I unknowingly raised a point of contention by bringing up the urban legend/myth of “fan death” with one of my parents’ Korean guests on Thanksgiving. Next time I want to make small talk, I’ll limit the discussion to my Kia or something.

  46. It’s not Thanksgiving anymore at all, but it’s still kind of appropriate to wish people a Happy Thanksgiving, and maybe even more appropriate to start throwing in more holidays as Hannukah is fast approaching. Nevertheless I want to share mine because I feel left out that I missed the liveblog!! Sad.

    On Thanksgiving, I dined with our family bffs and their weird families. The intellectuals read me their favorite poems from a great big anthology and gave me books about Malcolm X because I really liked his autobiography. While down on the other end this middle aged woman who dressed like a skanky middle schooler talked about shopping and her children who are semi my-aged whipped out their phones and the girl texted her exbf, to whom she had just suggested that they “get together and hook up sometime.” It’s good not being a little kid anymore because no one forces me to hang out with these people.

    I spent some time avoiding our friend’s friend, who is middle aged and fb friend requested me after “having a great time meeting me” Thanksgiving both last year, and now this year, too. EEP.

    Also, I’m a senior in high school, so absolutely everyone asks me about college. Remember that? Also they try to give me sweeping life advice because they see themselves in me and are trying to prevent me from making their same mistakes. Generic advice isn’t so good for that, though.

    • my senior year of high school thanksgiving is not so far away but it was awful awful too. i just kept telling people that my passion was hair styling and that i would be going to beauty school. it shut people up because they didn’t want to accidentally say anything to make me feel bad.

  47. Well I was still pissed at my dad after him making a comment that my girlfriend and I needed to “stop flaunting” because it makes my step sister uncomfortable.
    So mostly, I ignored my dad and talked to my brother and sister who came into town. And played with my 2 year old nephew.

    And then 2am opening shift for Black Friday.

  48. I actually worked all day, and all of Friday, which means I missed Thanksgiving horribleness / Autostraddle awesomeness. So, good and bad.

  49. Well, I spent thanksgiving in suburban Illinois and omg the grey flatness was crushing me. My little cousins went off to play with god knows what and my adult family went off to talk about Deep Important Matters like chain emails, so I went off to be an Angsty Teenager on the computer. My really snarky relatives were in France this year, so it could have been worse. My one aunt was “offended by [Adam Lambert’s] performance, not because it was two boys, but because he was so aggressively sexual! Sexuality, I’m okay with. Aggressive sexuality is something different!” And i kind wanted to be like “uhm I thought it was hot…” but I didnt and I just smiled and nodded like good little queermos do. Oh, and my aunt kept telling my little cousin who is 4 and I swear he is gay (though he doesn’t act stereotypically girly so only I know because of my magical gaydar) that he couldn’t do this because he was a boy, or he got this plate because he was a boy, or random shit like that. Oh and my uncle babbled about a chain email he couldn’t figure out which proved immediately that I’m too intelligent for my family and OMG I’m too elite for all this you guys.
    And my grandfather asked if by Adam Lambert we meant Eddie Lampert. That alone sums up my experience with relatives.

    • I feel like Adam Lambert was a large conversational piece during Thanksgiving dinners across the country this year. Awesome.

  50. well on thanksgiving i decided to donate blood but ended up passing out cause i forgot to eat that day (the irony has yet to escape me)and in the mist of all i guess i was mumbling about how i will marry Kate beckinsale and Olivia wilde, cause now my strict roman catholic “friend” refuses to talk to me because i’m “the devil’s child that’s brining our world to an end”
    so yeah…Great Day

  51. Funny you should ask about Glenn Beck…

    So I’m sleeping on my parent’s couch early Thanksgiving morning when my dad comes home from work at like 2am. He proceeds to make a plate full of peanut butter crackers and turn on Fox News. Glenn Beck is on. I try to pretend to be asleep and ignore it, but the man just will not be ignored…Glenn Beck, not my dad. He’s going on about how the Pilgrims wouldn’t approve of the land grabbing notion of “Imminent Domain.” Regardless of whether or not imminent domain is evil…the man is a moron. The Pilgrims were all about the land grabbing! Remember all that land they grabbed from the Indians after they gave them syphilis and small pox!

    This is what I suddenly yelled at the TV. My dad took his peanut butter crackers to his bedroom.

    • I’m lucky to have parents who don’t watch fox news. My mom only religiously watches brian williams on the nightly news. She is in love with him and calls him “her brian”. it is totally healthy. she’d totally leave my dad in a second for him— too much info? probably…but isn’t that what autostraddle is for? no. oh okay

  52. Nobody’s gonna read this since it’s not Thanksgiving anymore. However, can I just say what probably everybody’s said before? yes? I want a forum. I know it may be a future plan of yours but still. This is a site about feelings and I have a lot of them. It’s all good though, I still love Karmen and Taylor.

    I just met this girl who looks JUST like Drew Barrymore. A little more background you say? I was in a Couchsurfing meeting. I’m studying my masters in Sweden, you see, to go even further. The thing is I was soooo fascinated by her i even forgot to flirt in an obvious manner. Too fascinated to drop the occasional i-like-to-lick-vaginas comment. And just like that, the night was over. And I feel excitant that there is someone looking like Drew Barrymore around here but I also wish that I could have the words “Lesbian looking for a Drew Barrymore lookalike” tattooed on my forehead. I’ll quote the same source again but… I was… [twelve]. Call meeeee.

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