Sometimes We Have Fun Online: More Internet Haikus

yes, i’m very sure
delete my search history
also everything

how much involvement
do you think jen had with memes
pre-brangelina

couchsurfing emails
are delicate reminders
of innocence lost

comforting to know
some spammers have better grasps
on prose than i do

the silver lining
of having dead grandparents:
they can’t be catfished

how’s it possible
to have a mint julep mask
that’s outlived websites

can never unsee
what plays on the ad banners
on watch-series’ site

i think in gifs now
interesting turn of events
for my adult brain

what’s that one filter
that makes me a pore-less doll
that’s a good filter

hate the period
in front of a tweet’s mention
motion for ‘xo’

the glympse app is great
loved ones can track your safety
womanhood is tite

can someone explain
why there’s a bitcoin machine
in my laundromat

loved your “me in three”s
sometimes we have fun online
just abuncha goofs

not shocked y’all relate
to aubrey plaza (who’s bi)
my angry cuties

not a lot of talk
about people’s thirst of late
out here hydrated

speaking of thirsty
wanted to get ‘parched’ going
lil’ variation

verification
we live on bountiful land
the blue check abounds

gave a follow back
also withheld a subtweet
i’m a good person

articles on health
facebook knows i can’t not click
i’m a prisoner

in less than a month
two aunts have been hacked two times
protect the aunts y’all

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Erin

Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 208 articles for us.

21 Comments

  2. These are always brilliant and inspired me to start writing my own fall haikus:

    I want to believe
    My sunscreen days are over
    Lol It never ends

    And for good measure, one more.

    Texas has no fall
    Only red plastic leaves in
    A Hobby lobby

    (You’re a gem thanks for your unending hilarity)

  3. “loved your “me in three”s
    sometimes we have fun online
    just abuncha goofs”

    This made me smile so much. I thought everyone’s me in threes were delightful.

  4. SO TRUE about the watchseries banners. I love how it’s usually 90% “YOUR GIRLFRIEND WOULD NEVER LET YOU PLAY THIS GAME!!!!” and the other 10% is something like “Check out this miracle cure for toe fungus!”

    • If I were an alien and I tried to understand Modern Man from ads, I’d say He is a giant gaseous ball of insecurities and minor health conditions who is incapable of love but capable of sitting in one spot playing immersive video games until his nose starts bleeding.

  6. Feature photo shows
    @dickens being whitesplained to
    An endless refrain

    Tipping my haiku hat (but in a non-metaphorical, non-similistic way. I had to create a special hat for the occasion, made from the torn out pages of workplace manuals) to Erin and Dickens for the inspiration.

    • Also, I made the artistic decision not to count “@” as a syllable, but I’m feeling very conflicted about it.

      • I agree with your decision! If it were on it’s own (like, Dickens @ work), it would count, but as it is, you never read someone’s twitter name/@name and say in your head, “oh, look, it’s At Dickens!”

        Ok that was too much deconstruction but I stand by you, At Snaelle!

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