Is love a lie? Great question! We like to joke about it, because nihilism is one (1) free and legal coping mechanism that’s available to us all at any given time of the day and night, but what do we really think? Today we’re attempting to find an answer, once and for all, for the record and for the good of the people. On which side of this proverbial and eternal fence will we land? Keep reading to find out!
So an entire damn year in quarantine, huh? And single the whole time, you say? Ok sure! That’s fine! In fact, in many ways, it’s WONDERFUL. Don’t believe us? Well here are exactly 31 reasons why we’re doing just great, thanks for asking!
People in relationships think being single is so miserable but let me tell you fixing shit in my apt by myself because no one else is here feels better than anything OKAY?!
— dani | janae 🕸🕷 (@figwidow) February 10, 2021
- you can do Baby Foot as much as you want which is the ultimate disgusting thing to do by yourself (which I have done FIVE TIMES in quarantine so far)
- an opportunity to reflect on past experiences and get more in touch with your deeper desires, and what you’re looking for moving forward
- freedom of not being suffocated by the constant presence of another person/other people
- nobody cares if you showered in the last week
- the devastating solitude gives you more time to work/make stuff/get new hobbies
- yes, the never-ending silence really lends itself to um, clarity?
- endless time to wrap your mind around what was really wrong with all of your exes
- or, time to think about how if I died in this apartment nobody would know for weeks
- really strong bonding with your cat
- you can catch up on all the movies you’ve never seen so if this ever ends and you’re ever on a date again you can talk about those movies, or you can just stare into space and rewatch very bad reality shows you’ve already seen for no reason while eating peanut butter from the jar, feeling nothing
- also a great time to read the books you kept saying you were gonna read
- the most obvious answer is midday masturbation on the couch in the living room
- definitely not having to see someone else’s stupid face every day, for all the rest of the days, 24 hours at a time with no break
- one! half! less! laundry! which really matters in a pandemic when we are all too depressed to do laundry to begin with anyway
- having lots of time in the day to sharpen your humor about your crush never texting you back, and then launching them on your group chat like a comedy set
- sleep dead center of the middle of the bed, spread eagle
- taking obnoxiously long showers until you use up all the hot water, just for yourself
- reading a brand new book in bed at night, Cardi B playing off your phone at full volume, with all the lights on everywhere even though its like 2am
- a box of brownie mix and a bottle of rosé can be dinner if you believe in yourself (bonus points for adding peanut butter for “protein”)
- middle of the night sob cries
- also, midday sob cries
- nobody has to know the disgusting secret meals you make for yourself which is a plus
- a lot of time to dramatically alter your appearance so the next time anyone ever sees you you can make a dramatic entrance! if you feel like it
- you can feel very smug about your friends complaining about their partners
- you have SO MUCH TIME to overthink your last interaction with a hot person and analyze every angle to figure out how you embarrassed yourself
- will you ever meet a hot person again? probably not, no, maybe you ran out, there aren’t any more
- if you are having a bad mental health time, you can’t really reach out to anyone because everyone is having a bad mental health time, that’s probably my favorite one so far
- nobody is there to affectionately call me on my shit when i’m being ridiculous and as a result my ridiculousness has multiplied to an absurd degree
- you can decorate your space the way you always wanted without someone else’s potentially not so great taste getting in the way
- nobody looks at you sideways when the weird impulse purchases you made at 3 am just to feel something arrive
- being single during a pandemic means no one can hurt my feelings but me and THAT’S THE WAY I LIKE IT
How about you? What’s the best part of being single in a pandemic? Tell us!
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