“Ruth lifts her head, smiles demure and sweet, her lips swollen with kissing. ‘Can’t miss a chance to minister to a heathen like you, Idgie.'”

Sisters, won’t you step into the light with us?

Three Rivers is axed, Showtime’s 2010 TCA Press Tour happens & The Real L Word will debut this summer, the GLEE cast has a celebration party, Tila may or may not go on Larry King, Katy Perry & The Real World DC send dubious messages about sexuality, Ke$ha vs. Gaga and Tabatha doesn’t want your sperm. Keep that to yourself.

Stef and Lena agree to let Callie go, and Rosie’s got a brand new house.

Lip Smackers, Black Brunch, TLC, your period, Taylor Swift, the cops don’t give a fuck, I’m sorry we don’t have a Haim tag, a review of “Girlhood,” a lack of nacho cheese, Julia Nunes being acoustic, Missy Elliot being perfect and so much more!

“Met some friends for drinks after work. Too tipsy and sleepy to think about sex or masturbating tonight. Will rectify the masturbation-less week over the weekend. Or at least take another one of those magical sexy baths.”

No new apps, intense #lifehacks or complicated productivity systems here — just solid habits to get into for an ass-kicking 2015.

Meanwhile, Dej Loaf’s decked out in all white everything like Lydia advised, a baby rhino is being fed somewhere right now with this big bottle, Australia’s making schools safer for queermos, Taiwan recognizes trans folks, and a tennis star married her girlfriend (finally). Also, dog on a rumba.

Happy New Year! Happy Palindrome Day! They’re giving “The Babysitters Club” a makeover and not the Claudia kind! Are you still hung over? Would it make you feel better to see pictures of Lilo in a bikini? Also: New Hampshire midnight marriages, Megan Fox’s feelings about kissing girls, and LESBIAN TEACHER SEX BRAWLS.

So you’ve recently come out to your family, and it’s the first time you’ve been to holigay dinner since it happened. Autostraddle is here to help you through it.

This week on “Faking It,” Karma is really mad you guys. LIKE REALLY MAD.

“The patrons there were lucky I didn’t use my ninja skills on their @$$!!!”

Drone Boning, explaining scissoring to straight people, not being a jerk in bed and more.

” I, it turns out, am even more kinky than I had previously imagined, and you are less so, and so and thus.”

In “The Devil Wears Land’s End,” Mindy accidentally goes on a date with a lesbian and then her butch girlfriend shows up AND IT’S JULIE GOLDMAN.

Someone is going to die on tonight’s “Pretty Little Liars” mid-season finale! Who will it be? Maybe it will be you! But probably it will be Mona.

No seriously, pretty much Gavin McInnes is the only one who can truly understand why Terry Richardson is misunderstood, rape culture is NBD, and transphobia saves trans people from themselves.

They’re from all over the globe kickin’ ass and takin’ names one record at a time. Hear them. See them. Support them!

I have a historic amount of good gay news for you today, and you won’t wanna miss a thing.

Orange is the new orange is the new orange is the new orange is the new orange you gonna say banana? So, this is what we did today.