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Last Monday, we kicked off Autostraddle’s Masters Of Sex Cure Month Experience, a new miniseries in which NSFW Editor Carolyn challenged us to begin thinking a little more critically about our (solo and partnered) sex lives. Several of our staff decided to follow her advice and keep a sex journal for the month because she told us:

All you need to include is two pieces of information: what you did/thought/said/felt/etc., and what time you did/thought/said/felt/etc. it at. Sexy actions and thoughts and feelings and fantasies, and relationship actions and thoughts and feelings and fantasies are all on the table — the goal is to see where you are sexually and emotionally now and to articulate and chart your desires so you can figure out what might affect them, whether you are where you think you are, and what changes you might want to make.

Easy and rewarding! We’ve decided to share our journals with you. Move over, Virginia Woolf! Just kidding, don’t move over, Virginia Woolf. Stay and sit with us forever. These are our week one journals. (They’re anonymous, just in case you were wondering why you can’t find any articles from Sharmen Sandiego in the archives.)

Magenta

Monday
Worst period day ever. So much blech. Masturbated once, quickly, with my fingers, on the couch, around 7pm to relieve cramps. Generally felt really gross and unsexy today. Was sure my uterus was actually falling out.

Tuesday
Feeling better today and actually a little horny. Had a huge dinner followed by cupcakes. No sex, no masturbation.

Wednesday
Got off, like, three times today. I tend to have the same fantasies (masochistic) and masturbate in the same position (straight, closed legs, on back) doing the same things (clitoral stimulation, nipple play and massaging stomach/groin area with free hand). I’ve been trying to expand the ways in which I can orgasm because I find that I’ve sort of taught myself to come only under fairly specific conditions, even during partner sex. But today, I was lazy, still bleeding, and horny, and just wanted to get off quickly. Morning, evening, and before bed.

Thursday
Woke up and didn’t want to get out of bed. Sleepily masturbated with my fingers and finally got up. Thought about how I want a new vibrator. I haven’t had one since the last one died months (maybe even over a year) ago. We do have a cock ring/finger vibrator, but it’s not strong enough for me for solo use. I would really like a Hitachi so I never have to worry about batteries again. Feeling more like myself today and, therefore, feeling more sexual and sexy. Once more with feeling, before bed.

Friday
Finally found some down time to check out the Tina Horn podcast Carolyn suggested and it is GOLD. Partner came home especially late tonight. No sex, no masturbation, but stayed up super late into the morning hanging out.

Anonymous Otter

Monday
Haven’t masturbated in about a week, but probs will soon. SO BUSY this week. No time for sexytime.

Reading the first post about Masters of Sex Cure Month made me want to understand more about the appeal of sexting. Like, I get it and I think it would be fun to receive but I canNOT for the life of me imagine SENDING one. Maybe it’s deep-seated internalization of my mother’s warning me not to put anything in writing that I wouldn’t want on the front page of the New York Times, but also at this point I’ve written a LOT that I wouldn’t want on the front page of the NYT, so why is it such an issue?

Later: I just had a minor Diva Cup crisis that resulted in me reaching so far into my vagina that I finally feel like I understand how fisting might be possible. Not that I don’t believe it’s possible for some, but I’d just never been able to picture it being a thing that my vagina could accommodate. Until now.

Tuesday

Nothing notable today. Want to find the new sex sources this week.

Wednesday

So tired post-non-AS-work that I can’t even read the A+ Bee, let alone anything sex-related. But I am thinking at some point this month I’m going to try to my own version of that video where the people are reading their favorite books aloud while using a vibrator. I have the silliest vibrator in the world (it’s a bubble-gum pink dildo purchased at a very creepy sex shop that I’ve never actually penetrated myself with it), but it does its job when I want it to, which granted, isn’t that often.

Thursday

Having fallen hard for the first episode of the Heart, I’m listening to back-episodes of Audio Smut, which is what the Heart was called before its rebrand. It’s super sexy and also giving me some interesting new ways to think about relationshippy things, so that’s neat.

Friday

Last night, I started listening to Tina Horn’s podcast, Why Are People Into That, and then I lost myself down an online erotica rabbit hole. Often I find myself reading straight erotica and changing the genders in my head because there is just so much more straight erotica out there, especially with the kinds of stories I like. The erotica rabbit hole extended from last night into this morning before I got out of bed. I fingered myself while I did it. The tricky thing is that if I’m not careful I can get myself off really fast and then there is this moment in my brain where it’s like a switch turns and then I am just NOT interested anymore and I carry on with my day. This is great for times when I have fifteen minutes (or five minutes. Or like… three. No less than three.) and I just want to get off. But it doesn’t make for good, long solo time. So this morning and last night I just tried to keep my hands away from my clit (easier said than done). I really like teasing myself like that.

Koko

Monday

Masturbated in bed, off and on. came twice but orgasms were just okay. Was watching mainstream porn but it didn’t do that much for me. Wished that I was in bed with current partner Kiwi, who sent me a very sexy Snapchat this AM and had me feeling horny all day. Masturbated between 930-1030 PM.

Tuesday

Sent Kiwi a snap fresh out of my shower this morning, which was very well received. Sending sexy photos is still pretty terrifying but I feel more confident the more I do it. And it’s a really nice feeling. Maybe my body isn’t a super horrifying thing? I have a weird notion in my head that if someone I am seeing sees a photo of me naked they are somehow going to be repulsed… Even though they have already seen my body I am always scared. So I am trying this new thing that is very scary to me so that I feel more comfortable with my body. So far, so good. -830 am

Read a bit of Alfie (the sex comic) and it got me more aroused than I expected. Quickly flicked the bean, orgasm was bit better than yesterday. Thought about how hot Kiwi was on New Year’s Day when she was riding my face as I touched myself. It was the most gorgeous view, and imagining that I was tasting her again pushed me over the brink. – 825-9 PM

Wednesday

Quickie masturbating in the AM before work. Thought about my date with Kiwi tonight, looking forward to seeing her again. We have had sex every time we’ve gone out, so I get excited about our dates. I came fairly quickly, orgasm was just okay. Perhaps because I had to rush… 9:30 AM

Me and Kiwi had a date! We ended up back at my place, and both had a major case of the giggles. We were both trying to fuck one another but kept starting to laugh and laugh… There was a weird interaction with a stranger on the way home and it made us super loopy. Anyways, eventually we got down to it. We fucked and laughed and fucked some more. I really love going down on her, and I get super aroused when I’m eating her out. It’s so fucking hot. After a couple of rounds we cuddled and drifted off to sleep. 12-130am

Thursday

Kiwi left for school early-ish this morning. We snuggled and kissed a bit and alllll I wanted to do was have sex again but she had to go… I ended up masturbating, think about last night. Also fantasizing about someone fucking me with a strap on while I ate Kiwi out. I came fairly fast and hard and I’m feeling pretty damn good today. 845-9AM

Friday

Nothing happened today… At least nothing that sexy. Made out with kiwi a lot, we went out and kind of just ended up kissing one another. It was fun and cute. 12AM

Sharmen Sandiego

Monday
A long, tedious day, and not very sexy. Partner and I cuddled on the couch and went to bed at roughly the same time, which isn’t usually the case, but didn’t have sex.

Tuesday
No sex, no masturbation.

Wednesday
Partner and I cuddled and got each other off with our hands in the morning before getting up for the day, around 8:30 or 9. Our schedules usually don’t overlap much, and my partner gets very sleepy at night and tends to fall asleep early and fast; a lot of days mornings are the time we like having sex most. (Although I never initiate in the mornings because I never wake up first; super not a morning person.)

Thursday
This day is a total blank space in my memory but I am 99% sure nothing sexy happened. I heard through the family grapevine that an elderly relative asked if I was pregnant after seeing a picture of me, which made me feel deeply unsexy, like the Alanis song, and mad at my body/self.

Friday
Partner and I didn’t see each other almost at all during the day; the day was dragging, so I masturbated in the afternoon for a quick pick-me-up with my go-to Minna Ola vibrator (which I use on my clit even though I think it’s supposed to be a g-spot vibrator). It was very quick and efficient, which is how I masturbate most of the time these days; I didn’t even take my pants all the way off.

We went out with friends for the evening; there were lots of strong drinks, but I was the driver, so I just had one and a half. After we got home, I kind of expected we’d just go to bed, especially since my partner was drunker than I was; instead, we ended up going down on each other on the living room couch, and then moving into the bedroom to fuck. It was a little sloppy, as drunk sex often is, and I ended up consenting to having sex in a position that usually makes me feel uncomfortable even though I didn’t really want to, but thankfully my partner I think intuited that and after a few minutes suggested we do something else. We stopped more because we were tired/sore than because we were both totally satisfied, and fell asleep.

Eager Beaver

Monday
I told H I really want us to do the Masters of Sex thing together. Three minutes later, a startling revelation. She said, “Ugh, why is Carolyn trying to make us clean so much? Let’s cut out all the cleaning and double the sex.” I said, “Is doubling the sex really an option for our week?!” A many-houred conversation about the balance of power in our domestic life followed. We have lived together for years. I had no idea she felt so tense about how “mercilessly task-oriented” I am with chores, and that it was indirectly contributing to some of the more frustrating aspects of our sex life. Had sweet, gentle, love-affirming sex for a long time (from 8:00-ish until 1:00-ish). A productive first day!

Tuesday
Quick morning sex in the shower before work. I got off, she did not, but she seemed really glad for it, though. I like when we ride the train into the city together after morning sex. It makes me remember how lucky we are to have found such a connection with each other in this enormous city. It’s going to be a busy week for both of us with high-stress work projects. I hope I keep up with my end of the bargain to be more patient about the chores.

Later: Too tired to even think about sex tonight. Got home from work at midnight. Am going to take the sexy bath, though.

Later: I should take sexy baths every day. I tried to read erotica in the sexy bath, but it was the kind I hate (vivid descriptions of the mechanics of everything) so I switched over to that Romanov Sisters biography and fell asleep.

Wednesday
H and I shopped for a new vibrator for me today. It was triply productive because we accomplished the task of finding new places to learn about sex; and because we were outwardly focused on a task that involved looking at hundreds of sex toys from the safety of our bed while eating Chinese takeout, it allowed us to communicate about things we each would like to try sometime; and talking about that stuff made us both horny! I thought I was way too tired for sex when I got home from work, but I suppose the egg drop soup revived me. Pretty quick sex. Half an hour. Reciprocal oral and serious cuddling.

Thursday
Too tired to do anything but take a sexy bath after work. Not really sexy. But relaxing! I did start reading a sexy lesbian pirates in space story. Too tired to masturbate even though it turned me on a lot. My new vibrator is waterproof. When it arrives maybe I will use it during sexy bath time.

Friday
Having such productive talks about sex is causing H and I to have so many more conversations about sex. We’ve always been really open and kind with each other, but once we started talking about things we might like to try, it opened up so many conversational doors. Met some friends for drinks after work. Too tipsy and sleepy to think about sex or masturbating tonight. Will rectify the masturbation-less week over the weekend. Or at least take another one of those magical sexy baths.

Saturday
Rectified the masturbation thing! Good old Hitachi! I like to write my own erotica in my head while I’m masturbating, with myself as the main character. It always does it for me. Will probably lug the hitachi back out later this afternoon. So easy, so effective.

Later: Did drag the Hitachi back out. Enjoyed it with the lesbian pirates in space story. Enjoyed it twice.

Sunday
Had “let’s warm each other up” morning sex with H this morning. Unable to climax but not frustrated about it. It was all the Hitachi play yesterday, probably. I’m really surprised by how much journaling has helped me this week. It forces me to be honest and to give my own sexual needs and desires the kind of priority and shame-free existence it deserves in my life. But the thing I’m most surprised about is how me easing up on all the chore talk actually helped us have more sex and get more housework done. (I hope next week’s assignments also include sexy baths.)

Feel free to share your week one journals with us in the comments, and please join us for week two, which starts tomorrow!

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