This week, I learned that Kanye had written a proverb when he instructed folks to “shut the fuck up ‘fore I embarrass you.”

Imagine what would happen if a dating app was designed with actual human women in mind? Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

Only a set reminiscent of a Dexter crime scene would suffice in capturing the killer outfits we have for you this quarter.

New Jersey is so close to New York, it’s practically the same place (or at least we’ll pretend it is if they vote to legalize gay marriage). Meanwhile, Denver would rather vote to roll out the red carpet for alien invaders. ALSO; Tolerance is relative when teaching middle school students, Prop. 8 still blows, and Rick Warren is loathsome as ever.

Novels in one sentence, “Hild,” libraries, queer poetry, semi-colons, classic literature reenacted by Lego, schools facing funding cuts for making students read queer literature and more.

I can’t say any of us were thrilled to sign up, but we knew what we had to do: we had to sign up for a dating app and prepare to meet a lot of ladies… for science.

“Once my people were maligned; tonight we are the talk of the town.”

Adam Lambert is axed from two more ABC shows, and hello double standard! We’ve got some ’04 Pink Billboard Music Awards footage that’ll blow yr mind. Lady Gaga was nominated for 5 Grammy Awards (and Dave Matthews had an album apparently?), Idina Menzel wants to be Lea’s Mom on Glee (CASTING HEAVEN), Adam Lambert wants his super gay & campy song to be in Twilight: Eclipse, and John Mayer plays lesbian matchmaker for Lilo & SamRon.

“The doorbell rings and it’s Emma the Wrestler with noodle kugel! We get a little primer on how Jews respond to funerals. Hint: They bring kugel. Every time they say “kugel,” I hear “kegel” and do 15.”

The episode where we finally see the EzrA lair!

Queerty decides to throw the biggots a bone with ten reasons against gay marriage. Stargate Universe gets a lez. And for once, the media is paying attention to the death of a troubled teen who isn’t white.

Topics include Fox News, The Illinois State Fair, Johnny Lewis, Mean Girls, Woody Allen, medical actors, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and moar!

Let’s take a long hard look at who else got nominated for GLAAD Awards this year besides us, with a not-to-be-missed section from Mey about the Comic Book nominees.

A collection of mostly pop punk songs designed to send you down a rabbit hole of spirited angst.

“Back at wrestling practice, Perky Emma of the Ankle Picks offers Jesus a cookie — an organic cookie with no dyes. Maybe she has lesbian moms too.”

“I did not intend to have any experiences outside the range of what I had previously proven to myself I was comfortable with or could understand. Scully and I both convinced ourselves that this was possible, that it had ever been a possibility.”

This one’s for all the Emily/Ali fans out there. Here’s some fuel for your fanfics.

“There were all these different bodies and shapes and colors that came in to audition, women who had gone to Juilliard or been on Broadway, but no one wants to put them on TV because they don’t necessarily fit into a TV executive’s idea of what’s beautiful.”

“The truth is always messy. I told myself I could be gay and I wouldn’t ever be hurt again. I needed to never be hurt again.”

We’ve got you covered this holiday season with Technostraddle’s Holiday Gift Guide. With everything from digital cameras and hot Xbox games to girly geek underwear, there’s a little something for everybody. And we even threw in a private jet for good measure.