As this year comes to a close, many of us are feeling more than a little broken-hearted. This has been a year of intense pressure on all our intimacies — even the strongest relationships are undergoing deep transformations. In part, this is because we are all connected to each other. As hate crimes rise, as we see an increase in suffering and fear around us, we cannot help but react — whether that’s with increased urgency to help, a greater sense of sadness about the world, or a greater need to numb ourselves and create a buffer against anxiety and pain.
The eclipses this year began a new cycle of deeply questioning love — are the ways we love each other really honest, deeply supportive, fundamentally sustainable? Do we feel we belong? Are we able to relax? Does love connect us more broadly to our world or leave us isolated in a sense of scarcity? This cycle will continue through 2018, but this month begins another theme as well. On the 2nd, we’ll experience the first of three trines between Jupiter — planet of joy, optimism, expansion — and Neptune — planet of compassion, romanticism, mysticism. These two planets are moving through water signs right now, heightening the healing, intuitive qualities of this energy.
As Jupiter trines Neptune, we are given opportunities to fully release old pain, to deeply transform through love, and to heal what’s been broken. This aspect can be the sweetest salve to our broken hearts. Its keywords are forgiveness, faith, release, and regrowth — all within our emotional worlds. As always with Neptune, though, we have to be careful not to substitute wishful thinking for reality: Neptunian fantasies promise something too good to be true and then leave us shocked and disappointed when they vanish. Keep your feet on the ground and your wits about you as you tap into this energy for the real healing it can offer.
Meanwhile, Saturn moves into Capricorn at the end of the month, ushering in several years of an intense shift in our focus, in our understanding of what we want to work towards and build. More about that pattern in January, as it’s the major theme of 2018, but for those of you who are already feeling it, spend some time around Winter Solstice working with setting realistic intentions for what you want to commit yourself to this year. That whole week (from the 18th to the 25th and especially on the 21st) there will be powerful opportunities for grounding, focus, and clarity.
This month I’m taking a break from readings to work on other upcoming astrology offerings, but you can always book now for January and beyond! And as always, remember that for these relationship horoscopes you should read your Venus and Moon signs first, followed by your Sun and rising. Read these for what they can give you, and discard anything you don’t need.
Passion and compassion are strong themes for you right now! This month can open you up to experiences that touch you to your very core. Are you ready for this? Check in with your reserves of energy and emotional resilience right now, and make sure you only take on what you can commit to experiencing completely. It’s okay to go slowly and even say no to anything that feels like it’s too much. The goal isn’t to prove your capacity to endure crisis or difficulty, but to let yourself feel things deeply. This month, what you long for and what makes you ache are giving you important information about how to heal your heart and be available for deeply nourishing connections.
Embrace renewal through: Not shying away from hard topics. Risking loss. Becoming more sexually courageous. Letting intimacy transform you. Exploring your emotional depths.
Remember your connection to: Your own inner life, your dreams, everything that inspires you, the invisible worlds, the subtle flows of energy that support you even if you can’t always name them.
This month asks you to face up to whatever is blocking you from accepting the path you’re on. You’ve been making choices, even if you thought they were provisional, and now it’s time to take stock. Is there something you’re pretending is just temporary? Have you been holding back from admitting that you’ve made the choices you have? Are you too focused on other people and their actions right now? Take a moment to review the changes you’ve made this year and fully embrace the new path you’re on. If it helps, recognize how every step you take toward empowerment paves the way for future generations.
Embrace renewal through: Deepening into your committed relationships. Establishing healthy boundaries that promote intimacy instead of getting all merged with your sweethearts. Understanding what’s yours and what’s theirs. Actively choosing the love you want instead of waiting for it to declare itself.
Remember your connection to: Everyone who inspires you. The entire lineage of queer ancestors and mentors. The people you work with to build a better world, despite the dramas and annoyances of group dynamics. Intimacy beyond couplehood.
Stop beating yourself up for all the ways you’re not as accomplished as you want to be. This is especially true in your relationships. You’re not always going to be on top of your game—you’ll be a little selfish, a little immature, a little less than generous from time to time. This doesn’t have to be a crisis. In fact, the less you can stress about occasionally getting it wrong, the more you’ll be able to learn how to take steps to make it right. As long as you’re on this path, you’re doing exactly what you need to do right now.
Embrace renewal through: Showing up to do the work. Paying attention to what feels healthy. Tracking your moods. Dedicating yourself to healing. Letting yourself learn through experience.
Remember your connection to: Your completely badass rock star self. The ways you can amaze and astound. How you can be a vessel for creating and preserving what matters most to you.
Honey, this month gets to be a serious gaycation for you. Release the stresses and crises of the past year by wilding out a little. Sure, you could stay at home with a bottle of wine and some Netflix, but there’s so much more available to you right now—especially if you get outside your normal routine. Remember that isolation isn’t the only way (or even the best way) to relax.
Embrace renewal through: Enjoying your wild side. Getting attention. Making something only you could make. Taking a break from the serious struggle. Sharing your story with someone new.
Remember your connection to: Faith that there is something exciting beyond the next horizon. Knowing your place in the larger constellation of your life. All the homes and worlds you belong to.
You, my friend, deserve a long restorative month of not having to impress anyone, least of all yourself. You’re in a process of renewal that is still in its cocoon phase: Let your heart be all mushy and shapeless. Let go of all the ideas you once had about who you had to be, how you had to look, what you had to choose. You get to do just what feels good for you right now. In figuring that out, you’ll also be learning what kind of intimacy you’re available for moving forward. It’s okay to say goodbye to anything that no longer serves you.
Embrace renewal through: Feathering your nest. Getting so hella cozy. Keeping your friend family close. Hibernating. Going through old journals and burning what you’re ready to release.
Remember your connection to: Transformation. Shapeshifting. Rising from the ashes. Moving toward the pain in order to move it through you. Sex as emotional alchemy.
Sometimes you overthink it and second-guess yourself. This is a month when you’re learning to trust your instincts about when and how to communicate. That means setting boundaries, expressing desires, listening to what other people want and need, and maintaining a strong faith that you all are getting it mostly right. If there is a recent or old trauma that’s coming up right now, make sure to give yourself plenty of room to deal with it so it doesn’t get confused with your current situation.
Embrace renewal through: Being direct and communicating clearly. Talking it out with friends and lovers. Reconnecting to your favorite music. Staying focused on your daily life instead of dreams for the future. Changing the script of old stories about who you are and what you can do.
Remember your connection to: The people you’ve chosen and who have chosen you. Your ability to make healthier choices in intimacy. Knowing who’s on your team. Clarity and action.
This is a month for being your biggest, brightest self. Don’t try to be any smaller to accommodate anyone. If you’ve been feeling anxious or pushing yourself too hard just to get through, take time this month to get a little self-indulgent. Crisis can wait right now. Fill yourself up, gather with people you love, and let joy course through you enough to warm your heart. And remember to reach joy you sometimes have to move through grief.
Embrace renewal through: Taking up as much space as you need to. Eating well. Luxuriating in things that delight you. Having enough to share.
Remember your connection to: Your body and your health. Being a mentor for someone, or seeking a mentor. The daily practice of doing your best and accepting imperfections. How good it feels to offer your service to a project you care about.
It’s not always easy to love your body, your face in the mirror, the sound of your voice. You tend to see what’s wrong much more clearly than you see the vitality and grace and humor and strength that others see. This is a month, though, when you’re better able to see what is uniquely incredible about you. The more clearly you recognize your own worth, the easier it will be to choose interactions that are loving, respectful, and that deeply support your full being.
Embrace renewal through: Letting yourself become more truly yourself. Loving every inch of your body. Enthusiastically accepting what you need to feel strong and whole. Choosing love that recognizes you.
Remember your connection to: Playfulness and flirtation. Romantic gestures as a way to heal what’s hurting. Being special and unique, deserving someone’s undivided attention. Your capacity to have sparks with someone new—or to rekindle an existing relationship.
You shouldn’t have to spend all your time explaining to the people who love you how and why they’ve hurt or disappointed you. There comes a time when it’s just better to let go than to stay engaged in a struggle for understanding and compassion. It takes tremendous trust in the future to let go of something in the present moment that’s hurting you, but also feeding you a little bit. Trust right now that if you release your grasp you’ll be fed still, loved still, and most importantly you’ll get to remember who you are when you’re not always angry and hurt.
Embrace renewal through: Releasing your attachment to everything that’s ended. Not needing to explain yourself. Letting your desires ebb and flow without trying to pin them down. Making some room for mystery.
Remember your connection to: Chosen family. The homes that have held you. Platonic cuddling. Retreats that restore your spirits. The family stories that help you know what made you the way you are; your commitment to changing them through your life.
Especially at the end of a year like this, it can be easy to feel exhausted and cynical. In the darkest month of this year you’re getting some sweet opportunities to reconnecting to the things that warm your heart and keep you alive and connected to the world. Thawing out any numbness may be rough at first, but it’s worth it to reconnect. Let your old dreams guide your new visions. Recognize that as you close out this year, your specific skills as someone who loves for a long time, who strives for absolute integrity, will help lead us toward our collective aspirations for the next year.
Embrace renewal through: Remembering your idealism. Fighting for what you believe in. Teaming up with people who share your values. Seeing your personal relationships as part of larger systems and struggles. Believing another world is possible.
Remember your connection to: The people who know you best. Your laughter. All-night conversations. Writing your heart out in a journal. Getting fresh perspectives.
You’re not always one to put yourself forward, but when you do you can get a little caught up in being right. This month, you’ll have the liberating experience of getting to own your truth without needing everyone else to sign on. Be gentle to yourself about the ways you like to be in control, and particularly about the fears that lead you to that tactic. It’s okay to let a little of the uncertain and unknown flow through you right now.
Embrace renewal through: Knowing what you’re good at and not needing to front as anything else. Letting yourself be seen as as your truest self, mistakes and imperfections included. Having nothing to prove.
Remember your connection to: That calm thread of stability that runs throughout your life, and that needs some tending from time to time. Your own inherent worth. Everything you rely on to support and feed you—literally and figuratively.
From time to time, it’s important to remember that you exist as something separate than your relationships. This month brings you more closely aligned with what is real and alive and vibrant for you and you alone. If you’ve been in the habit of pleasing others, or finding pleasure through being of service, this month asks you to reconnect with something essential to only you. You’ll find, as you do so, that it doesn’t lead to loneliness as much as an increased sense of connection.
Embrace renewal through: Falling in love with yourself again. Remembering you get to reinvent yourself as needed. Focusing on what makes you happiest, not what others want from you. Trusting your instincts.
Remember your connection to: Adventure, optimism, and your place in a much larger world. Your sense of being someone who can expand other people’s hearts and minds. The deeper meaning behind what’s happening in your life—how everything fits together.