Pretty Little Liars 406: Under the Gay Fiddle

Welcome back to Pretty Little Liars, a one hour Netflix original show about lesbians trying to survive and get their lady grind on while in prison. Actually, that really will be what this show is about if Hanna doesn’t get her shit together. All four Liars behind bars trying to get by in prison. I would so watch that show.


We open on Rosewood where Badass Lezzie Detective is interviewing Hanna about the whole carrying a concealed weapon without a license and trying to bury it in the ground thing. Yeah. That whole little thing.

So what do you think about the hitachi magic wang? I think it's a real crotch rocket.

So what do you think about the hitachi magic wang? I think it’s a real crotch rocket.

Hanna’s not squaking though.

Because you weren't carrying any condoms.

Because you weren’t carrying any condoms.

Oddly, no one explains how or why the police tracked Hanna to the woods on a random college campus. Hanna’s folks finally show up and announce, much to the surprise of basically no on in the audience, that the police have taken the gun for testing to see if it’s related to Wilden’s murder. It will be. Cue the dramatic music and cut to the intro.

Wild'n Out is still on TV? Who told Nick Cannon he was still famous?

Wild’n Out is still on TV? Who told Nick Cannon he was still famous?

Ever since that dead pig in the trunk I’ve been pretty unimpressed with the dramatic moments before the credits. I think they should do a cold open with Emily and Paige scissoring and have Samara walk in right before the big finish. Now that would be gasp worthy.


That afternoon, Emily and Hanna chat on the phone about what deep shit Hanna is in. Emily thinks Hanna should tell her mom about A. Hanna thinks Emily should tell her mom about her extensive vintage vibrators collection she has stuffed under her bed. No one is telling their moms anything.

This is worse than that time I farted during sex.

This is worse than that time I farted during sex.

Just then, Shana walks into Emily’s locker room for her weekly meeting of the Pennsylvania Junior Lesbian Swim Champions Alliance. Oddly she’s wearing a Rosewood High track jacket. Looks like she transferred mid-year to swim for a better team. You know, to replace Emily. Also she forgot to bring snacks for the meeting and it was specifically her week to bring snacks!

I'm here for the dykes! Lead me to the dykes!

I’m here for the swimming dykes! Let me show them how to breast stroke!

Hanna hangs up the phone on her end and, after a few minutes of gently reorganizing her perfume collection, her father walks in. Tom wants to know why Hanna stole his gun and brought it to a sorority party. I want to know if Tom understands that this is what happens when you keeps guns in your house. Hanna fesses up to finding it in her mom’s things. Everyone thinks Ashley is guilty.

I must! I must! I must increase my bust!

I must! I must! I must increase my bust!

At the Life Cafe, Spencer and Aria look longingly into each other’s eyes and plan out their future girl band named The Brunettes. They also toy with the names The Wavy Haired Duo and Lip Gloss Poppin’ Mamas. It’s a work in progress.

Just so we're clear, I only want The Brunettes to play Stevie Nicks covers.

Just so we’re clear, I only want The Brunettes to play Stevie Nicks covers.

Aria tells Spencer that she and Emily need to be team players and get over their fight. I agree.

Med students at trivia night

Med students at trivia night

Also the coffee is bad.

Oh Spencer warn me when you store your sperm samples in coffee mugs.

Oh Spencer warn me when you store your sperm samples in coffee mugs.

Emily shows up and as part of her new commitment to playing the raging dyke character, is in a bad mood. She’s sort of mad about Hanna’s arrest and Shana’s reappearance in Rosewood. Mostly she’s mad about the terrible disgusting no good coffee. Why? Because she has to train the new guy at the cafe on how to make a decent latte. A guy. A man guy male. Ew boys.

You think you have it bad? I have a hot girlfriend I haven't kissed in two episodes.

You think you have it bad? I have a hot girlfriend I haven’t kissed in two episodes.

Also Emily is super stressed out because she has to plan the Life Cafe’s Open Mic Night aka Lesbian Speed Dating.

IDGAF.

IDGAF.

Since Emily hates the patriarchy she sends resident Man Charmer Aria over to teach the new boy how to properly get foamy IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. He’s “Mike’s Friend Connor” and when he isn’t playing lacrosse or making terrible espresso drinks, he’s trying to pass English. Which he needs help with. From Aria the Man Charmer Writer Extraordinaire. He wants to get all up in Aria’s brain with a little tutoring session.

It just occurred to me that Mike is supposed to be two years younger than Aria. So this guy is like 15 or 16. Which makes him 10 years younger than me. 10! That feels like a lot for a character who is trying to scam a date with Aria.

This is what it will look like when we finally overthrow the patriarchy and start a lesbian colony on mars.

This is what it will look like when we finally overthrow the patriarchy and start a lesbian colony on mars.

Meanwhile, Emily and Spencer make up and sneak off to the rear of the shop to have bathroom sex.

As though you needed any other proof that Spencer's a top.

As though you needed any other proof that Spencer’s a top.


Back over at Hanna’s, the three Marins try to sort out what’s what. They’re all just sort of sitting around the house waiting. It feels like when someone has just died and you don’t know what to do but sit and wait for the funeral.

Just look at what this has done to your daughter! She's two weeks behind on True Blood and hasn't washed her hair in days!

Just look at what this has done to your daughter! She’s two weeks behind on True Blood and hasn’t washed her hair in days!

Here’s what the different family members are saying:

+Tom: My gun went missing after we spoke
+Hanna: I found dad’s gun in your closet while looking for your shoes
+Ashley: I threw my shoes out but I never brought a gun into the house or killed Wilden

Gosh they’re stories are so inconsistent! If only there was something that could explain this. Some person running around Rosewood framing people. Someone who sends threatening text messages maybe. Duh. It’s A.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Speaking of A, our favorite little lesbo sociopath Mona is finally back on the scene!

I'm back bitches, and I just got my hair straightened.

I’m back bitches, and I just got my hair done.

She rolls up to the Life Cafe, much to the displeasure of the Liars. They’re probably just pissed because she’s wearing her hair straight and they’re all wearing it wavy.

I don't know what they want from me it's like the more mona we come across the more problems we see

I don’t know what they want from me it’s like the more mona we come across the more problems we see

Mona spills the beans about TobAy taking her MonA-Mobile. Spencer’s got no defense. Doesn’t Spencer know the old saying? Liars before Desires.

The Three Bouncing Brunette Bears.

Three brunettes, six boobs, no smiles.

Aria and Emily storm out and head over to Emily’s house in a rage.

...cup

…cup

Just then, Hanna calls Emily from the most adorable pink room phone I’ve ever seen. She gives orders that none of the Liars are to squeal about A under threat towards both of her parents.

Baby-Sitters Club, Stacey McGill speaking.

Baby-Sitters Club, Stacey McGill speaking.

As she hangs up, she overhears Ashley and Tom fighting. Ashley tells Tom that she asked for money because she was trying to pay Wilden to leave town. She did take his gun, but only for protection. Ashely confronted Wilden but he took the gun from her and she ran away.

Honestly I did not think the Red Wedding was that big of a surprise.

Honestly, maybe prison won’t be so bad. I’ve been watching this great series called Orange is the New Black. It looks like there’s plenty of places to go have girlsex. I think it’s a documentary.

Just then there’s a knock at the door. Who’s at the door?

It's Caleb!

It’s Caleb!

That’s right, our third favorite lesbian has finally returned from A-Camp where he spent his days meeting queer women and having all the mountain feelings. His first point of business was, of course, to check in on his codependent potentially criminal girlfriend. Awww. Unfortunately Tom won’t let Caleb into the house. He doesn’t want any competition for the role of 40-something year old man of the house.

Listen son, I don't know who you appropriated that jacket pattern from but we're not having any of that nonsense in this house.

Listen son, I don’t know what nation you appropriated that jacket pattern from but we’re not having any of that nonsense in this house.


Did someone say boyfriend? Spencer has hers over for a shitfight about stealing the MonA-Mobile. He’s all blah blah blah my mom, blah blah blah I’ll never know what happened.

Are you seriously taking away from Paily screen time right now?

Are you seriously taking away from Paily screen time right now?

I don’t care about the plight of cave men.


Over in a story line I care marginally more about, Aria and Mike’s Friend Connor go over his essay. You know it’s bad because he cites Wikipedia and Cliffsnotes. Aria mentions Faulkner so I hope he’s writing about The Sound and the Fury. You guys don’t know this about me, but I love The Sound and the Fury. It’s part of my sick misguided love of American literature written by dead white guys. I know. I’m the problem.

The problem here is that instead of analyzing The Odyssey you recapped the plot of Disney's Hercules.

Oh I see it now. The problem here is that instead of analyzing The Odyssey you recapped the plot of Disney’s Hercules.

As the two work, Mike walks through the living room on his way out the door looking not a day over 25. Seriously I think he aged 10 years in the last 24 hours. Sadly he’s still slut-shaming Aria over dating Fitz, so he barely speaks to her as the door hits his ass on the way out.

Rosewood White Guy #483

Rosewood White Guy #483

Elsewhere Emily swings by Hanna’s house with her homework. Just kidding it’s only a scam to get inside pants– I mean bedroom– so they can process all the feels. We’re treated to a visual metaphor in the contrast between Emily’s shiny perfect hair and Hanna’s unwashed mop top. I think.

But I know you'd really rather being studying our Chemistry.

But I know you’d really rather being studying our Chemistry.

Emily actually just wants the footage of Ashley running over Wilden with her car, followed by Jenna and Shana helping him off the street. Emily claims she wants to submit it to the police to get Jenna and Shana named as new suspects. Just to help Hanna. I think we all know Emily is just scared of what will happen if Paige and Shana get too much bathing suit time together. We all know Paige can’t resist a girl in a Speedo.

And the dildo was this big!

And the dildo was this big!

Hanna is super not interested in handing over that disc drive. I mean, it basically makes her mom look guilty anyways. Plus nothing bad has happened with it yet, so it’s probably best to leave it where it is. But Emily knows how to get to Hanna and with a few winks and rubs in the right place she wins her over.

I am never performing analingus.

I am never performing analingus.

pweety pweety pwease?

pweety pweety pwease?

Okay fine but we're using a barrier.

Okay fine but we’re using a barrier.

Besides, now we get tot see how smart Hanna’s disc drive hiding spot is!

A new makeup line: Sneak by Sephora

A new makeup line: Sneak by Sephora


Back over in Faulknerland, Mike’s Friend Connor finally packed up his stuff to leave. He suggests they do it again over a cheeseburger. You know, some essay editing followed by a date. Aria’s a bit oblivious though, and she’s not picking up what Mike’s Friend Connor is laying down. Actually, Mike’s Friend Connor goes for the tongue kissing right there and then!

This is so awkward.

This is so awkward.

Aria is disgusted and shocked. Mike’s Friend Connor probably should have asked for Aria’s consent in the first place and this whole mess could have been avoided. It’s the beauty of consent. Consent means never having to kiss someone who doesn’t want to be kissed, and isn’t that what life is all about?

I prefer Spencer's soft lady kisses.

I prefer Spencer’s soft lady kisses.


The next morning we start off in the police office. Emily sneaks around pretending to hang signs for the Open Mic Night, but actually she is just dropping off the DVD of the Wilden car crash situation.

Featuring WIlden's 1970's gay porn career. Mustaches included.

Featuring WIlden’s 1970’s gay porn career. Mustaches included.

I hope A swaps it for the first disc of Season 1 of the L Word. I’m sure Badass Lezzie Detective will love that.

I do love that Shane McCutcheon

I do love that Bette Porter character

Emily works her way back to school where she and Caleb have some hawt dyke tension.

But I was totally gross out because, ew boys.

But I was totally grossed out because, ew boys.

Emily continues on into her locker where she is followed by Spencer. Spencer is trying to make nice but Emily is having none of it. It’s sort of frustrating when the Liars fight because they should really know by now that all they’re doing is letting A win.

How can I cheer you up? I can use that french tickler you like so much...

How can I cheer you up? I could use that french tickler you like so much…

Spencer tells Emily she called over to the sorority house and learned all about The Old House Mother. That’s old news to Emily, who learned about it just by flirting with one of the sorority girls.

Like the viewers who have to watch this shit.

Like the viewers who have to watch this shit.

Emily storms off only to be greeted by the sweet sounds of the violin. She wanders over to the music room where she spots Shana playing. Maybe I got this wrong. Maybe Shana isn’t here to steal Paige, maybe she’s here to steal Emily. Maybe they’re going to have cable TV’s first lesbian threesome. I could live with that.

God she's good at fingering.

God she’s good at fingering.

Down the hall, Mike comes up to Aria and basically accuses her of sleeping with Friend Connor. Aria doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about, but even if she did she’d be allowed to sleep with whoever she damn pleases because slut-shaming is never okay.

Is this seriously what I have to do to get some screen time around here?

Is this seriously what I have to do to get some screen time around here? Because I have better things to do. I’m gonna be big. I just starred as “Peter Malarky” in a Hunger Games spoof.

Aria marches into the boys locker room and we discover that Mike’s Friend Connor is a mean jerk.

Four. Which is the only reason Aria wouldn't play it. Unless she was turning "WHIZBANG" into "WHIZBANGS" putting the "S" on a triple letter score earning her 93 points.

Four. Which is the only reason Aria wouldn’t play it. Unless she was turning “WHIZBANG” into “WHIZBANGS” putting the “S” on a triple letter score earning her 93 points.

Oh my god I hate his face so much. Someone write a mean letter to every college he wants to go to and then call his mother and tell her to ground him. But first, someone’s at the door behind Aria and overheard the whole thing. Who’s at the door?

It's Fitz! Looking constipated!

It’s Fitz!

Fitzy is unamused.


Later, Aria sits in the stairwell assessing the fallout and impersonating Sandy in basically every scene of Grease prior to the finale. She fields sexual harassment texts from guys in school asking her if she wants to have a sleepover and asking if they’re not old enough for her. I don’t know why the kids in her school are just catching on to her and Fitz, but I hope kids watching this show are able to see the damage that slut-shaming, sexual harassment and bullying does.

This PSA brought to you by the society for girls who were made to feel like shit in high school.

This PSA brought to you by the society for girls who were made to feel like shit in high school.

Fitz comes down the stairwell and asks if Aria is okay. Fitz is all like, “Yo, those are just rumors! Don’t let rumors get to you!” To which Aria responds, “Um those aren’t rumors we used to bone all the time.” I thought this would be some moment where the two have yet another stolen stairwell kiss, but instead Aria basically tells Fitz to get the fuck away from her. This actually seems like a healthy reaction to me. Then again I’ve eaten zucchini muffins for the last three meals in a row so maybe I’m the wrong person to ask about health right now.

Shut up and bring me another zucchini muffin!

Shut up and bring me another zucchini muffin!


After school, Spencer and her cro-magnon boyfriend drive to find The Old House Mother. Spencer is clearly still pissed at TobAy. Honestly two people with such strong jawlines probably shouldn’t be together anyways. The pair drive past a cemetery and suddenly the coloring in the scene oddly changes and suddenly we’re in film noir.

Finally this couple is portrayed in the appropriate color scheme for how I feel about them

Finally this couple is portrayed in the appropriate color scheme for how I feel about them

Wait but actually. There are even some classic cars. Where are we exactly? For a minute I couldn’t figure it out. The sudden tone change. The weird sense that something supernatural was going on. And then, just seconds before they showed the town sign, I realized where we were.

Ravenswood: Where all the Rosewood with none of the lesbians.

Ravenswood: All the Rosewood with none of the lesbians.

We’re in Ravenswood.

In case you don’t know, Ravenswood is a new ABC Family Pretty Little Liars spin-off about a town by the same name. Caleb is going to move there in order to investigate some long-running curse upon the town. After a brief stint downtown, the two get back in the car and drive away. It’s all just feels like obnoxious moment of self promotion.


Back in full color, Emily stalks the hallowed halls of Rosewood High in a shirt promoting “Wild Kisses.” I’ll believe it when I see it.

And yet this is the second most lesbian shirt after that sweater covered in cats in the background.

And yet this is the second most lesbian shirt after that sweater covered in cats in the background.

She confronts Mona about her recent style change and weird inconsistent lip gloss choices. Mona claims to not know a thing about any of that stuff– or anything about the new A.

I would love to help you but I'm really busy rebranding myself as a mid-2000s pop-punk singer.

I would love to help you but I’m really busy rebranding myself as a mid-2000s pop-punk singer.


We fade back into grey where Spencer and TobAy pull up to the The Old House Mother’s mansion. They ask the gardener outside where she is. He claims to be the only one home and says he “only deals with the master of the house.” Apparently Ravenswood is located 25 miles outside Rosewood and just south of the 1970s.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that and shake you butt (clap clap clap clap)

A little bit of this and a little bit of that and shake you butt (clap clap clap clap)

Motivated by sheer discomfort, Spencer and TobAy hop back in their car (brought to you by Toyota) and continue their journey. Just as they leave the gardener makes a phone call. Probably to ask the homeowner where all the roses disappeared to between shots.

Yes you heard me right. A lesbian and a cave man.

Yes you heard me right. A future lesbian and a cave man.

The two swing back into downtown Ravenswood and, by pure luck, Spencer noticed the Old House Mother getting her hair done. Spencer barges in and, without making any sort of plan whatsoever, basically just spills everything about Alison/Vivian. The Old House Mother claims to not know anything.

Your hair looks great but can they do anything about this green skin tone we've all picked up?

Your hair looks great but can they do anything about this green skin tone we’ve all picked up?

This is a pattern on PLL. 

1. Spend days tracking down the Most Important Person
2. Drive hours to reach that person
3. Ask that person about Ali
4. That person says they don’t know anything


Several miles and a few decades forward in Rosewood, Aria pulls the Lizz Special: crying in bed for hours. Just kidding, the Lizz Special is crying on the couch while watching reruns of ABC Family TV shows and eating Cool Ranch Doritos and carrots dipped in Annie’s goddess salad dressing. Obviously.

I can't believe I'm out of episodes of Switched at Birth

I can’t believe I’m out of episodes of Switched at Birth

Mike walks in and sits on Aria’s bed. He apologizes for being a slut-shaming jerk, which Aria really appreciates since basically all of her self-worth is externally motivated by the men in her life. He says he’s going to make things right. On Pretty Little Liars that means he’s going to video tape Connor the Contemptible having sex with a goat and the blackmail him with it for social gain.

You really need to tell them to use cooler wax when they do your upper lip.

You really need to tell them to use cooler wax when they do your upper lip.


Starsweep to the Marin residence where Hanna has just come in from a short walk. Don’t worry, she didn’t manage to stir up any more trouble while she was out. She and her dad have a rousing round of Metaphors About Drying Up Ponds.

Re: Dry Vagina

MTV’s True Life: I Have Vaginal Dryness

Then Hanna blames herself. Then she says she didn’t think her dad wanted her. It’s an emotional roller coaster. But like, the small roller coaster you go on with your little cousin when she’s scared of the big ones.

Trapped in a prison of emotions.

Trapped in a prison of emotions.

Back in grayscale, TobAy and Spencer exit the salon in dismay. TobAy walks across the street to get an egg bacon and cheese on a croissant, leaving Spencer outside the salon to ponder the questionable nature of eating meat and also her questionable choice in a boyfriend.

Go then. And when you come back I expect you to be a hot butch lesbian.

Go then. And when you come back I expect you to be a hot butch lesbian.

Just after he walks away music begins playing throughout the town square. As the music blares the citizens of the town, along with a surprising number of fall leaves, all trek in the same direction.

Just found out there's a free Adele concert down the street, and who doesn't love Adele?

Just found out there’s a free Adele concert down the street, and who doesn’t love Adele?

Spencer follows them until they finally land at the cemetery. The whole town stares in silence at this one grave.

Yeah this isn't weird at all.

Yeah this isn’t weird at all.

Does Spencer ask anyone why? Nope. What she does do is spot Shana!

Lesbians! Live and in Technicolor!

Lesbians! Live and in Technicolor!

Instead of confronting Shana and asking her what the hell is going on and who let her dress so brightly in a town full of people in grey, Spencer runs away. She goes to get TobAy and chase after Shana in their car. Well, they try to chase after Shana but then a raven crash landed into their windshield.

Who threw a tampon at us?!

Who threw a tampon at us?!

I would say that seems impossible except one time my friends while driving down one of those winding Massachusetts state highways in the middle of the summer with the music blaring and all of a sudden a bird flew right into their windshield and died, covering the whole thing in blood in the process. They ran the windshield wipers until the blood was clear. True Story.

If it's raining tampons you probably shouldn't have your mouths open.

If it’s raining tampons you probably shouldn’t have your mouths open.


Starsweep to the Life Cafe where Emily is begrudgingly hosting the Open Mic Night. It’s pretty gay.

The Rosewood Junior Lesbian Swimmers Association

The Pennsylvania Junior Lesbian Swim Champions Alliance.

Emily really doesn’t want to be at the Life Cafe working right now. Looks like she hates amateur performances, which is disappointing because it means she definitely won’t be impressed by my shitty gay rendition of “Teardrops On My Guitar.” Emily and Aria would actually both rather be anywhere else since Connor the Contemptible is also working. We hate him.

And with the tampon rain we've been having recently it's going to be juicy.

And with the tampon rain we’ve been having recently it’s going to be juicy.

Spencer shows up at the Life Cafe and Emily and Aria have forgiven her enough to let her say what she saw in Ravenswood but not enough to stop making constipated faces at her.

This is about to be a great shit!

This is about to be a great shit!

Well this isn't going as easily as I thought it might...

Well this isn’t going as easily as I thought it might…

Oh no. I'm gonna be a while.

Oh no. I’m gonna be a while.

Just then, Badass Lezzie Detective also shows up. Is she there to perform a spoken word piece about the oppressive nature of the patriarchy within law enforcement? Nope! She’s there to bring Emily down to the police station for questioning.

Am I in time for the satire erotica reading?

Am I in time for the satire erotica reading?

BLD gets Emily alone in a room. Spoiler alert: it’s not sexy. She shows Emily the DVD left for her. It’s not the DVD of the first season of the L Word like we thought, or even the video of Jenna and Shana helping Wilden up. It’s a video of someone wearing an Emily mask holding up a sign that says guilty. Yup, A pulled yet another big switch-a-roo. Someone is fingering Emily. For murder I mean.

Exibit A: Emily Fields is guilty of being a smoking hot lesbo

Exibit A: Emily Fields is guilty of being a smoking hot lesbo

BLD tells Emily that the handwriting even matches a birthday card from her mother. BLD thinks that means Emily is fingering… herself? Okay, now it’s an interrogation. I don’t know when Emily’s birthday is, but I’m pretty sure she’s still a minor. Even if she’s 18, Emily should definitely have a lawyer there. BLD doesn’t know what’s afoot, but she does know that Emily’s shiny hair isn’t enough to get her out of this one. Either way, she gets a mysterious phone call and leaves the room for a moment.

Yes sir I'm looking at her right now. A 5'8" bombshell lesbian who looks about 26

Yes sir I’m looking at her right now. A 5’8″ bombshell lesbian who looks about 26

Meanwhile, at the Open Mic Night, someone very special takes the stage. It’s Shana and her lesbian fiddle! Is there anything gayer than a girl with a fiddle at an open mic? Nothing. Not even girlsex itself. Aria and Spencer stare as Shana plays.

And that was the day something stirred deep inside Spencer

And that was the day something stirred deep inside Spencer

Trying to be as creepy as possible, Ezra peers through the window of the Life Cafe. Shana fiddles on.

Winner of three Teen Choice Awards and two Stalker Choice Awards

Winner of three Teen Choice Awards and two Stalker Choice Awards

We scan back to Emily at the police station. BLD paces in the next room taking an oh-so-serious phone call. Meanwhile, Emily looks deeply into the eyes of the masked version of herself. Shana fiddles on.

This shit never happens to Santana.

This shit never happens to Santana.

Meanwhile outside, unseen by the Liars, someone wearing a Sharks hoodie smashes the shit out of a car. Who’s car? Duh, it’s Connor the Contemptible’s! There is a 500% chance that this was Mike. Shana fiddles on.

Class out the Ass; Glass out the Ass.

Class out the Ass; Glass out the Ass.

It’s a bit overblown. We get it, shit is serious. Music is menacing. Shana is creepy. I will say though, the menacing musician feels like a rehash of Jenna circa Season 1. Actually a lot of this just feels like more of the same. A tampering with evidence the Liars turned into the police. Some guy is pissed because he wants Aria but knows about Fitz. Mike is violent/destructive/runs around in hoodies. We’ve seen this all before. Unless this is a big metaphor that I’m missing, I hope that PLL gives us something new soon.

This feels unoriginal.

Like right? This feels unoriginal.

So what does this all lead to when the music cuts? Ashley Marin being arrested.

I love you. Please keep my website updated.

I love you. Please keep my website updated.

In the final scene A breaks into and hotwires a car, all while wearing an… Emily mask? Or is that a Mike mask? I’m really bad with these masks. Okay I’m pretty sure it’s Emily but they got the eyebrows totally wrong. Which is a shame because a good Emily Fields mask could probably sell for mad money at Babeland.

I had a fantasy once that started like this

I had a fantasy once that started like this

Well, that’s a wrap. Unless you count Ashley’s claims that she didn’t bring Wilden’s gun into the house, we didn’t learn much of anything this episode. Except that Shana fingers a mean G string. Tune in next week where hopefully Paige will return. And if she doesn’t? Well I’m pretty sure someone drives a car through a wall.

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Lizz

Lizz is a consumer, lover and writer of all things pop culture and the Fashion/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also full time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.

Lizz has written 261 articles for us.

15 Comments

  1. Liz, I love you, but the spelling errors…errrrggghhh

    Shana was NOT fiddling. She was playing the violin. There is a distinct difference because of the type of music she was playing. (It’s a pet peeve of mine when people depict violinists with terrible/inaccurate posture or movements, but I digress.)

    Rosewood seems to be populated with annoying white brunets. It’s getting a little old. I don’t even want to see new male faces, but can’t they at least have some diversity? I’ll take a blond at this point for a change of scenery.

    Also, umm, I don’t agree that Mike calling Aria out on having illegal sex with her teacher is the same thing as slut-shaming. She can date whomever she wants CONSIDERING IT’S LEGALLY CONSENSUAL. I’m still on Team Mike for that.

    • Arbitrary age limits on sexuality are repressive and I don’t think that they are the end all be all say on what is sexually appropriate, nor on what is consensual. It is beyond me to see how a system rooted in the puritanical, patriarchal values of protecting society from sex and desire can be right in determining that, at exactly 18, a magical switch preparing people to deal maturely with sex just happens to flick on, and then for that designation to be considered to be correct and moral. I can’t get behind it, somehow. I think it falls in the same realm as slut shaming.

      • I’m not talking about the fact that Aria’s underage (although that has its own baggage of issues), but rather the fact that Ezra was in a position of power for the majority of their relationship. There’s a reason why many post-secondary institutions have strict policies against teacher-student relationships, and that’s in an environment where everyone is (presumably) a legal adult.

        Ali seems to have been sexually involved with a lot of people who were older than her, so to focus on that and to call her a slut is slut-shaming; pointing out the inability to legally consent to sex with someone in an authoritative position over you is completely different.

        • I agree on your power imbalance argument, Paperflowers. But the problem in this scenario is the following: Mike doesn’t call out Ezra or shames him for taking advantage of a minor and his student. He solely focuses on Aria, the person who was lacking the power in this relationship. So his behavior is, in fact, nothing but good old fashioned slut shaming.

        • I think if Mike had a more accessible relationship with Ezra, it would make more sense for him to directly approach Ezra but that’s not realistic given the characters.

          But I agree – it would be better if the show focused more on calling out Ezra for making horrible decisions as an adult rather than dumping everything on Aria; this hasn’t really happened yet because Aria is a main character, and Ezra solely exists as an extension of Aria’s storyline, so beyond her parents intervening, there aren’t other routes for that to occur.

    • Me too vis a vis the inaccurate posture and movement. Judging from what we’ve seen here, Shana’s fingering skills are elementary at best. Disappointing.

  2. I am really freaked out by how much that mask looks like Emily? which is odd because I can’t recognize the Alison or Melissa masks at all

  3. Oh Lizz, these recaps just make my week! Thank you so much. I know I have before but I think showing appreciation is important.

    I loved Ravenswood! One of my favorite things about PLL and how I always describe it to people who haven’t seen it is that it feels like Halloween year round. And since Halloween is one of my most favorite times of year it’s no wonder I love this show. Ravenswood feels like that dialed up to 11 though. It’s great.

  4. Honestly I had to stop watching the show after the 1st season the lack of answers drove me crazy. I never miss one of these wrap ups though. You should write an episode.

  5. I don’t want Emily to start a trend of hooking up with every lesbian who floats through town, but Shawnna is gorgeous. Emily should stay away. Far away. Because that road is tempting.

    In other news Hannah has been making bad decisions. Like traveling with a gun? Who does that? She had so many other options concerning that weapon…

    Mike got better looking. He’s doing that thing Elena’s younger brother did on Vampire Diaries. Where they get more attractive seemingly out of no where.

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