Later, Aria sits in the stairwell assessing the fallout and impersonating Sandy in basically every scene of Grease prior to the finale. She fields sexual harassment texts from guys in school asking her if she wants to have a sleepover and asking if they’re not old enough for her. I don’t know why the kids in her school are just catching on to her and Fitz, but I hope kids watching this show are able to see the damage that slut-shaming, sexual harassment and bullying does.
This PSA brought to you by the society for girls who were made to feel like shit in high school.
Fitz comes down the stairwell and asks if Aria is okay. Fitz is all like, “Yo, those are just rumors! Don’t let rumors get to you!” To which Aria responds, “Um those aren’t rumors we used to bone all the time.” I thought this would be some moment where the two have yet another stolen stairwell kiss, but instead Aria basically tells Fitz to get the fuck away from her. This actually seems like a healthy reaction to me. Then again I’ve eaten zucchini muffins for the last three meals in a row so maybe I’m the wrong person to ask about health right now.
Shut up and bring me another zucchini muffin!
After school, Spencer and her cro-magnon boyfriend drive to find The Old House Mother. Spencer is clearly still pissed at TobAy. Honestly two people with such strong jawlines probably shouldn’t be together anyways. The pair drive past a cemetery and suddenly the coloring in the scene oddly changes and suddenly we’re in film noir.
Finally this couple is portrayed in the appropriate color scheme for how I feel about them
Wait but actually. There are even some classic cars. Where are we exactly? For a minute I couldn’t figure it out. The sudden tone change. The weird sense that something supernatural was going on. And then, just seconds before they showed the town sign, I realized where we were.
Ravenswood: All the Rosewood with none of the lesbians.
We’re in Ravenswood.
In case you don’t know, Ravenswood is a new ABC Family Pretty Little Liars spin-off about a town by the same name. Caleb is going to move there in order to investigate some long-running curse upon the town. After a brief stint downtown, the two get back in the car and drive away. It’s all just feels like obnoxious moment of self promotion.
Back in full color, Emily stalks the hallowed halls of Rosewood High in a shirt promoting “Wild Kisses.” I’ll believe it when I see it.
And yet this is the second most lesbian shirt after that sweater covered in cats in the background.
She confronts Mona about her recent style change and weird inconsistent lip gloss choices. Mona claims to not know a thing about any of that stuff– or anything about the new A.
I would love to help you but I’m really busy rebranding myself as a mid-2000s pop-punk singer.
We fade back into grey where Spencer and TobAy pull up to the The Old House Mother’s mansion. They ask the gardener outside where she is. He claims to be the only one home and says he “only deals with the master of the house.” Apparently Ravenswood is located 25 miles outside Rosewood and just south of the 1970s.
A little bit of this and a little bit of that and shake you butt (clap clap clap clap)
Motivated by sheer discomfort, Spencer and TobAy hop back in their car (brought to you by Toyota) and continue their journey. Just as they leave the gardener makes a phone call. Probably to ask the homeowner where all the roses disappeared to between shots.
Yes you heard me right. A future lesbian and a cave man.
The two swing back into downtown Ravenswood and, by pure luck, Spencer noticed the Old House Mother getting her hair done. Spencer barges in and, without making any sort of plan whatsoever, basically just spills everything about Alison/Vivian. The Old House Mother claims to not know anything.
Your hair looks great but can they do anything about this green skin tone we’ve all picked up?
This is a pattern on PLL.
1. Spend days tracking down the Most Important Person
2. Drive hours to reach that person
3. Ask that person about Ali
4. That person says they don’t know anything
Several miles and a few decades forward in Rosewood, Aria pulls the Lizz Special: crying in bed for hours. Just kidding, the Lizz Special is crying on the couch while watching reruns of ABC Family TV shows and eating Cool Ranch Doritos and carrots dipped in Annie’s goddess salad dressing. Obviously.
I can’t believe I’m out of episodes of Switched at Birth
Mike walks in and sits on Aria’s bed. He apologizes for being a slut-shaming jerk, which Aria really appreciates since basically all of her self-worth is externally motivated by the men in her life. He says he’s going to make things right. On Pretty Little Liars that means he’s going to video tape Connor the Contemptible having sex with a goat and the blackmail him with it for social gain.
You really need to tell them to use cooler wax when they do your upper lip.
Starsweep to the Marin residence where Hanna has just come in from a short walk. Don’t worry, she didn’t manage to stir up any more trouble while she was out. She and her dad have a rousing round of Metaphors About Drying Up Ponds.
MTV’s True Life: I Have Vaginal Dryness
Then Hanna blames herself. Then she says she didn’t think her dad wanted her. It’s an emotional roller coaster. But like, the small roller coaster you go on with your little cousin when she’s scared of the big ones.
Trapped in a prison of emotions.
Back in grayscale, TobAy and Spencer exit the salon in dismay. TobAy walks across the street to get an egg bacon and cheese on a croissant, leaving Spencer outside the salon to ponder the questionable nature of eating meat and also her questionable choice in a boyfriend.
Go then. And when you come back I expect you to be a hot butch lesbian.
Just after he walks away music begins playing throughout the town square. As the music blares the citizens of the town, along with a surprising number of fall leaves, all trek in the same direction.
Just found out there’s a free Adele concert down the street, and who doesn’t love Adele?
Spencer follows them until they finally land at the cemetery. The whole town stares in silence at this one grave.
Yeah this isn’t weird at all.
Does Spencer ask anyone why? Nope. What she does do is spot Shana!
Lesbians! Live and in Technicolor!
Instead of confronting Shana and asking her what the hell is going on and who let her dress so brightly in a town full of people in grey, Spencer runs away. She goes to get TobAy and chase after Shana in their car. Well, they try to chase after Shana but then a raven crash landed into their windshield.
Who threw a tampon at us?!
I would say that seems impossible except one time my friends while driving down one of those winding Massachusetts state highways in the middle of the summer with the music blaring and all of a sudden a bird flew right into their windshield and died, covering the whole thing in blood in the process. They ran the windshield wipers until the blood was clear. True Story.
If it’s raining tampons you probably shouldn’t have your mouths open.
Starsweep to the Life Cafe where Emily is begrudgingly hosting the Open Mic Night. It’s pretty gay.
The Pennsylvania Junior Lesbian Swim Champions Alliance.
Emily really doesn’t want to be at the Life Cafe working right now. Looks like she hates amateur performances, which is disappointing because it means she definitely won’t be impressed by my shitty gay rendition of “Teardrops On My Guitar.” Emily and Aria would actually both rather be anywhere else since Connor the Contemptible is also working. We hate him.
And with the tampon rain we’ve been having recently it’s going to be juicy.
Spencer shows up at the Life Cafe and Emily and Aria have forgiven her enough to let her say what she saw in Ravenswood but not enough to stop making constipated faces at her.
This is about to be a great shit!
Well this isn’t going as easily as I thought it might…
Oh no. I’m gonna be a while.
Just then, Badass Lezzie Detective also shows up. Is she there to perform a spoken word piece about the oppressive nature of the patriarchy within law enforcement? Nope! She’s there to bring Emily down to the police station for questioning.
Am I in time for the satire erotica reading?
BLD gets Emily alone in a room. Spoiler alert: it’s not sexy. She shows Emily the DVD left for her. It’s not the DVD of the first season of the L Word like we thought, or even the video of Jenna and Shana helping Wilden up. It’s a video of someone wearing an Emily mask holding up a sign that says guilty. Yup, A pulled yet another big switch-a-roo. Someone is fingering Emily. For murder I mean.
Exibit A: Emily Fields is guilty of being a smoking hot lesbo
BLD tells Emily that the handwriting even matches a birthday card from her mother. BLD thinks that means Emily is fingering… herself? Okay, now it’s an interrogation. I don’t know when Emily’s birthday is, but I’m pretty sure she’s still a minor. Even if she’s 18, Emily should definitely have a lawyer there. BLD doesn’t know what’s afoot, but she does know that Emily’s shiny hair isn’t enough to get her out of this one. Either way, she gets a mysterious phone call and leaves the room for a moment.
Yes sir I’m looking at her right now. A 5’8″ bombshell lesbian who looks about 26
Meanwhile, at the Open Mic Night, someone very special takes the stage. It’s Shana and her lesbian fiddle! Is there anything gayer than a girl with a fiddle at an open mic? Nothing. Not even girlsex itself. Aria and Spencer stare as Shana plays.
And that was the day something stirred deep inside Spencer
Trying to be as creepy as possible, Ezra peers through the window of the Life Cafe. Shana fiddles on.
Winner of three Teen Choice Awards and two Stalker Choice Awards
We scan back to Emily at the police station. BLD paces in the next room taking an oh-so-serious phone call. Meanwhile, Emily looks deeply into the eyes of the masked version of herself. Shana fiddles on.
This shit never happens to Santana.
Meanwhile outside, unseen by the Liars, someone wearing a Sharks hoodie smashes the shit out of a car. Who’s car? Duh, it’s Connor the Contemptible’s! There is a 500% chance that this was Mike. Shana fiddles on.
Class out the Ass; Glass out the Ass.
It’s a bit overblown. We get it, shit is serious. Music is menacing. Shana is creepy. I will say though, the menacing musician feels like a rehash of Jenna circa Season 1. Actually a lot of this just feels like more of the same. A tampering with evidence the Liars turned into the police. Some guy is pissed because he wants Aria but knows about Fitz. Mike is violent/destructive/runs around in hoodies. We’ve seen this all before. Unless this is a big metaphor that I’m missing, I hope that PLL gives us something new soon.
Like right? This feels unoriginal.
So what does this all lead to when the music cuts? Ashley Marin being arrested.
I love you. Please keep my website updated.
In the final scene A breaks into and hotwires a car, all while wearing an… Emily mask? Or is that a Mike mask? I’m really bad with these masks. Okay I’m pretty sure it’s Emily but they got the eyebrows totally wrong. Which is a shame because a good Emily Fields mask could probably sell for mad money at Babeland.
I had a fantasy once that started like this
Well, that’s a wrap. Unless you count Ashley’s claims that she didn’t bring Wilden’s gun into the house, we didn’t learn much of anything this episode. Except that Shana fingers a mean G string. Tune in next week where hopefully Paige will return. And if she doesn’t? Well I’m pretty sure someone drives a car through a wall.
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That side trip to Ravenswood just about gave me viewer whiplash.
I basically live for these recaps.
Liz, I love you, but the spelling errors…errrrggghhh
Shana was NOT fiddling. She was playing the violin. There is a distinct difference because of the type of music she was playing. (It’s a pet peeve of mine when people depict violinists with terrible/inaccurate posture or movements, but I digress.)
Rosewood seems to be populated with annoying white brunets. It’s getting a little old. I don’t even want to see new male faces, but can’t they at least have some diversity? I’ll take a blond at this point for a change of scenery.
Also, umm, I don’t agree that Mike calling Aria out on having illegal sex with her teacher is the same thing as slut-shaming. She can date whomever she wants CONSIDERING IT’S LEGALLY CONSENSUAL. I’m still on Team Mike for that.
Arbitrary age limits on sexuality are repressive and I don’t think that they are the end all be all say on what is sexually appropriate, nor on what is consensual. It is beyond me to see how a system rooted in the puritanical, patriarchal values of protecting society from sex and desire can be right in determining that, at exactly 18, a magical switch preparing people to deal maturely with sex just happens to flick on, and then for that designation to be considered to be correct and moral. I can’t get behind it, somehow. I think it falls in the same realm as slut shaming.
I’m not talking about the fact that Aria’s underage (although that has its own baggage of issues), but rather the fact that Ezra was in a position of power for the majority of their relationship. There’s a reason why many post-secondary institutions have strict policies against teacher-student relationships, and that’s in an environment where everyone is (presumably) a legal adult.
Ali seems to have been sexually involved with a lot of people who were older than her, so to focus on that and to call her a slut is slut-shaming; pointing out the inability to legally consent to sex with someone in an authoritative position over you is completely different.
I agree on your power imbalance argument, Paperflowers. But the problem in this scenario is the following: Mike doesn’t call out Ezra or shames him for taking advantage of a minor and his student. He solely focuses on Aria, the person who was lacking the power in this relationship. So his behavior is, in fact, nothing but good old fashioned slut shaming.
I think if Mike had a more accessible relationship with Ezra, it would make more sense for him to directly approach Ezra but that’s not realistic given the characters.
But I agree – it would be better if the show focused more on calling out Ezra for making horrible decisions as an adult rather than dumping everything on Aria; this hasn’t really happened yet because Aria is a main character, and Ezra solely exists as an extension of Aria’s storyline, so beyond her parents intervening, there aren’t other routes for that to occur.
Me too vis a vis the inaccurate posture and movement. Judging from what we’ve seen here, Shana’s fingering skills are elementary at best. Disappointing.
Brunettes, not brunets. :)
I am really freaked out by how much that mask looks like Emily? which is odd because I can’t recognize the Alison or Melissa masks at all
Oh Lizz, these recaps just make my week! Thank you so much. I know I have before but I think showing appreciation is important.
I loved Ravenswood! One of my favorite things about PLL and how I always describe it to people who haven’t seen it is that it feels like Halloween year round. And since Halloween is one of my most favorite times of year it’s no wonder I love this show. Ravenswood feels like that dialed up to 11 though. It’s great.
“I prefer Spencer’s soft lady kisses.”
Don’t we all?
Honestly I had to stop watching the show after the 1st season the lack of answers drove me crazy. I never miss one of these wrap ups though. You should write an episode.
You did better than me! I think I made it to episode 10 before giving up.
I don’t want Emily to start a trend of hooking up with every lesbian who floats through town, but Shawnna is gorgeous. Emily should stay away. Far away. Because that road is tempting.
In other news Hannah has been making bad decisions. Like traveling with a gun? Who does that? She had so many other options concerning that weapon…
Mike got better looking. He’s doing that thing Elena’s younger brother did on Vampire Diaries. Where they get more attractive seemingly out of no where.