Hi Autostraddle! It’s me, Vanessa, your community editor! One of my goals for our publication is to publish content that creates and celebrates community! For the past five years, we’ve used the Friday Open Thread to do that. But today, as we begin the month of October in 2019, we are changing things up! We will no longer be publishing an official open thread on Fridays – rather, we will leave you with something light and fun and weird and queer to begin your weekend! You’re welcome to treat these posts like open threads, or not! We love you, and we hope you find joy in the nuggets we will choose to gift you every Friday from now until whenever the world burns!
We were planning to call these posts Pizza Party Friday (PPF) internally, and when I explained the whole concept to our intrepid PPF team, we ended up talking about pizza for…hours. Is pizza the gayest agenda? Honestly maybe. Please enjoy our ~controversial opinions~ below, and let us know how you feel about cauliflower pizza and black olives!
Abeni: i COULD make some shit up about this one but i’m very boring with pizza toppings; i would love someone to write [a hot take] that is CONTROVERSIAL! i like pepperoni FWIW and MAYBE like, bell pepper, onions, or sausage. and my favorite pizza is dominos.
vanessa: i am also not a controversial pizza toppings gal – i like meat & cheese & maybe some truffle oil.
Shelli Nicole: Garlic. Pepperoni. UNCUT and half baked because as I used to say to lovers before I learned it was ok to ask for what I want – “I can finish it myself”
Abeni: HALF BAKED??? i just realized that i always get “well done” or whatever so it gets a few EXTRA minutes in the over
Jehan: ok bougie incoming but i love a good white pizza. with pesto. caramelized onions. and maybe a sprig of rosemary.
vanessa: um Jehan that is my JAM.
Christina Tucker: White pizza is SO GOOD I am fully here for the white pizza revolution.
I am also too bougie for my own good, I had a white pizza with fig jam the other day and it slapped.
valerie: artichoke pizza from artichoke pizza in nyc though :chef’s kiss:
vanessa: i wonder if we made a White Pizza Is It post if it would be controversial or if it would just be a lot of commenters being like …actually yes i agree
Jehan: FIG JAM?!
himani: My only contribution to this conversation is to say that “vegan” pizza is both the biggest lie and the saddest thing on the planet
vanessa; this is so true
Christina Tucker: I am bowing my head in respectful silence for you
Jehan: I think there are more of us Vanessa.
himani: Agreed, white pizza is hands down the best. Tho vodka sauce on pizza is also mind blowing
Jehan: I think we should also be clear that white pizza does not include cauliflower pizza. which is, ya know, fine, but doesn’t touch my soul
Christina Tucker: Agree, I respect cauliflower pizza for what it is doing
but it is not doing anything for me in particular
Jehan: right? i get the tiniest satisfaction from knowing another veggie is involved but…
vanessa: wait i’m sorry
are we talking about pizza with cauliflower on it
pizza with a cauliflower crust?
Christina Tucker: right
vanessa: okay that is a no from me
and i say that as a bitch who was gluten free AND dairy free AND nightshade free for a period of time to heal a parasite
vegan pizza with cauliflower crust isn’t bad it’s just like…a lie. it’s not pizza.
Jehan: that’s the thing, it needs a new name
pizza is misleading
laneia: that is crudités
Abeni: wait what even is a white pizz
laneia: we have to rename cauliflower pizza that’s #1 on the gay agenda i think
what is the acid on a white pizza?
in theory they sound so good but i’m scared to try one bc what if it’s just too creamy
vanessa: laneia there…is no acid on a white pizza
or it’s like a pesto sauce sometimes? is that acid? do i know how anything works? i need samin to come school me in salt fat acid heat rn
Christina Tucker: Yoooo there might not be…an acid??
valerie: i think white pizza is just like…oils and stuff
and cheese of course but i wanted to say oils and stuff
himani: I think no acid is what makes it so amazing????
vanessa: abeni did we answer your question? i think the defining point of a white pizza is there is no red sauce involved.
Drew Gregory: Jumping in to say I like… all pizza??
Every type can be done poorly I suppose, but when done well every type is good.
Christina Tucker: Okay the real question is: pineapple on pizza, yay or nay
vanessa: sigh. i’m a nay. CONTROVERSIAL I KNOW.
Jehan: yeah that’s gonna be a no for me dawg
vanessa: drew i’m glad you’re acknowledging that bc i HATE when people say “pizza is like sex, even when it’s bad it’s still good.” that’s not true! some pizza is bad and some sex is bad!
valerie: well so. i like it in theory. but pineapples on pizza are usually only there when there is also ham and i haven’t eaten ham since i was 12 and before that i was not exposed to hawaiian pizza so I don’t know where i stand on this
Christina Tucker: I think it’s fine?
It’s like…okay here you are lil pineapple
Drew Gregory: Vanessa I think similarly all types of sex CAN be good but also can be bad depending on preferences and who is involved!
I like pineapple on pizza but I don’t order it often
During the summer it’s nice though
valerie: i like black olives on pizza :scream:
Drew Gregory: Same!
Drew Gregory: Is that controversial??
valerie: i have personally gotten teased for it, and for my love for black olives in general
people have strong feelings about olives
laneia: one of my strongest pizza feelings is that black olives should only be added to the pizza after baking so they stay normal and good !!!!
Christina Tucker: BRAVE take
I like it
valerie: i’d sign that petition, laneia
though that does sometimes make them kind of slidey offey
Jehan: ooh controversy but i’m into it laneia!
Christina Tucker: “Several people are typing”
vanessa: Drew you’re right about sex! But some pizza is just objectively bad. So maybe the metaphor doesn’t hold…
Drew Gregory: Not to me!!
What I’m saying is when it comes to pizza I’m a pansexual slut
vanessa: wait Drew
Are you saying you never think pizza is bad?
Drew Gregory: No no of course not
I’m saying I don’t think there’s a bad TYPE
himani: I’m gonna have to disagree strongly with the no baking olives thing…..
Drew Gregory: Like every type can be done poorly
valerie: “pansexual pizza slut” though
i’m still laughing
vanessa: Is the headline for this post: PANSEXUAL PIZZA SLUTS: WEIGH IN ON THE GAYEST AGENDA
Christina Tucker: Yep
vanessa: wow we’re having an incredibly productive Monday y’all
Jehan: i stan for that headline
himani: Also whoever is making fun of you Valerie for liking black olives clearly doesn’t know what they’re talking about! Olives are amazing but they all have a time and place and the time and place for black olives is specifically on pizza. Baked. But not white pizza!
Jehan: himani you said a word. absolutely no black olives on white pizza.
vanessa: I agree with himani and jehan — yes to black olives, no to black olives on white pizza, I personally don’t have a preference if they’re baked or not but I am enjoying being swayed in both directions
Christina Tucker: I am really learning that I will pretty much…always eat a pizza
The only topping I really don’t like is green peppers
But if it is like “green peppers or no pizza?” I’m eating pizza
valerie: i feel the same way about green peppers and also onions but i had a pepper and onion pizza at work the other day because it was a) free b) pizza
and the other option was no pizza
now i want pizza
vanessa: I will say I recently ate a slice of pizza with Caesar salad on top thinking it would be delicious and it…was not.
Christina Tucker: Because it’s so good on the SIDE
why would it not be good on top??
valerie: was it because hot lettuce is garbage?
valerie: this segues nicely into: ranch dressing on cheese pizza
maybe i’m a garbage person but it’s my jam
Jehan: It feels important to share that my intern recently named his computer dollar slice
At my main gig we name equipment after food (idk why) and he wanted to honor the east village
Christina Tucker: If I am going to dip a pizza into anything, I would prefer it be a blue cheese dressing moment
himani: Hmmmmmm I never got into ranch or blue cheese dressing and by the time I was curious enough to try it I couldn’t really eat either any more
But I like the idea of dipping pizza in things!
Jehan: i like dipping but do enjoy a drizzle of bbq sauce every now and then
omg i never realized how many strong pizza feelings i have
i’ve learned so much today
laneia: i hope this is a safe space to admit to really, truly loving the bbq chicken pizza from CPK
Drew Gregory: ME TOO
vanessa: THIS IS A SAFE SPACE FOR EVERYTHING
laneia: I FEEL SO FREE
himani: I have strong opinions about food but the strongest one of that everyone is allowed to love everything!!
Dani Janae: I’m a basic pizza bitch: mushrooms, lots of black olives, onion, a zesty tomato sauce. But in the privacy of my own home I drizzle and dip it in…ranch dressing
Malic White: Home pizza and public pizza are two totally different pizza parties.
laneia: a truth
Malic White: I think I’m the only person in here from Chicago (is this true?), and before it comes up, I just want to clarify that “Chicago style” deep dish pizza is absolutely not a thing. It’s an undigestible disgrace meant to keep lactose intolerant tourists confined to their hotel rooms.
I like a reasonably thick slice with sriracha.
Jehan: i used to live in chicago and didn’t even understand how one maneuvered around a deep dish pizza
it was like pizza met a shepherd’s pie
Malic White: My Indiana parents eat it with a knife and fork like FOOLS.
Rachel Lewis: I have to say — can we talk about passing down pizza orders in relationships? Like, my ex was big on pineapple on pizza, which I thought was ridiculous until we broke up and then it became A Thing and then I introduced it to my last ex, who is now also very much obsessed with it???
Shelli Nicole: Very excited that this is going in an ex direction because I’ve recently gotten my first major ex and was wondering about what places I could and couldn’t visit because of it
Shelli Nicole: But I mean – that’s the Taco Bell that’s closest to me and if she thinks I’m going to the one another mile away because we aren’t together she is sadly mistaken –
Dani Janae: I’m honestly too fat to give up food places for an ex. Like we all gotta eat sis. I only stayed away from places she worked but now she works at Whole Foods so :upside_down_face:
laneia: Shelli that is YOUR Taco Bell.
Abeni: uhh what does this add to the #pizzadiscourse?
valerie: i had a penne a la vodka slice here once and it was very confusing texture-wise. i can’t imagine what a ravioli pizza would be like. that said, i’d try it.
Bailey: I searched “pizza” in WhatsApp to find one specific message to share but had to scroll through so much “pizza” “pizza priorities” “I got pizza lol naughty naughty” “Wanna Facetime I’m in a pizza place with wifi” “I think the most hilarious thing was when she ate peoples leftovers in Pizza Pizza” “[a crush] and I ate pizza and I swear we brushed legs” “Haha that pizza has ears everywhere!!!” to find what I was actually looking for, which was, “I realized I lost myself in my last relationship, like, suddenly I’m ordering a margherita pizza to share when I’d always preferred a bit of pineapple. Imagine a lifetime of cheese and tomato when you could be having so much more on top.” :pizza::pineapple:
Happy Inaugural Pizza Party Friday! Love you, mean it, hope you get to eat some pizza this weekend! XOXO.