Star Trek N00b, Episode 2: The Man Trap (Oh My!)
“Okay, I had a fangirl moment once George Takei appeared on screen.”
American Horror Story 309 Recap: The Yankee Eyeball Swap
Is this show ridiculous? Of course! Am I at all interested in watching TV shows that DON’T feature a talking severed head of Kathy Bates? NOPE NOPE NOPASAURUS REX!
Once Upon A Time 310: This Doesn’t Even Make Sense Anymore
There is a scene in this episode involving Snow and Charming taking on a Medusa that looks like she’s straight out of a Sega Genesis game, and it is ridiculous. I can’t even describe to you the completely ludicrous nature of this scene, I really can’t.
Star Trek N00b, Episode 1: The Cage (of Forced Heterosexuality)
“The Talosians realize that Pike isn’t sold, and try to seduce him with a bizarre harem illusion with Vina as a green exotic dancer. Dayum, Pike. You’ve got some weird fantasies.”
American Horror Story Episode 308 Recap: The Sacred Faking
“Apparently the witches’ journey to New Orleans was just like the Oregon Trail, only with less fiber and more smelly vaginas! This fucking show, you guys. This. Fucking. Show.”
Glee Episode 508 Recap: Previously Unaired Christmas Gets A Little Too Much Air
What drug were the Glee writers on while designing this year’s Christmas special? That question and more will not be answered in this week’s recap!
Once Upon A Time Recap Episode 309: Gay-Ass Mommy Issues
At this point, we’ll be lucky if we make it out of the season without a reveal that Pongo is the father of Rapunzel who is married to Smee who is secretly the child of Flounder who is actually the son of one of the scary trees from Snow White.
Glee Episode 507 Recap: Puppet Masterpiece Theater Should Girl It Up Maybe
This week on Glee, everybody turned in to a muppet and Santana and Dani didn’t make out!
American Horror Story Episode 307 Recap: The One With The Zombie Threesome
Welcome to the seventh episode of American Horror Story, featuring an award-winning musical score by Hans Zimmer. I’m sorry, that’s not Hans Zimmer; it’s two goblins humping on a Casio keyboard. My mistake.
Glee Episode 506 Recap: Movin’ Out Of F*cks To Give
This week on Glee, everybody sang Billy Joel songs and everything hurt!
Once Upon A Time Episode 308 Recap: Magical Daddy Issues
I hope you like dad jokes, because this recap is chock full of them.
American Horror Story 306 Recap: Fond Memories of the Jazz Age
Welcome to the sixth episode of American Horror Story, where I come face to face with my greatest fear: bad New Orleans accents!
Glee Episode 505 Recap: The End of Twerk Should Really Be The End Of Will Schuster’s Career
This week on Glee, enthusiastic children danced and sang and broke walls as William Schuster toed the blurred line between “the worst” and THE WORST.
Super Special Double Feature “Once Upon A Time” Episodes 306 and 307 Recap: Part of Your Healthy Uterine World
“But then again, my favorite princess was Belle, whose Stockholm Syndrome didn’t register as an issue to me, so long story short: Disney princesses fucked with all of our childhood concepts of healthy relationships.”
Glee Episode 504 Recap: Stop Trying To Make “A Gaga or A Katy?” Happen
This week on Glee, everybody took turns dressing up like idiots and my gay boyfriend Adam Lambert showed up to sing a tune or two!
American Horror Story 305 Recap: Burn, Witch, Burn
“Just when all hope seems lost, Zoe beheads the zombie while wielding a motherfucking chainsaw! Look who just became an interesting character!”
American Horror Story 304 Recap: Fearful Pranks Ensue
“I would love to know how much money this show spends on snakes, drummers, and chalk.”
Once Upon A Time 305 Recap: The One With Two Moms
“But then Mulan came charging out of the closet, and one million homos stood up and said I KNEW IT, I FUCKING KNEW IT, MOTHERFUCKING HONOR TO US ALL.”
Pretty Little Liars Halloween Recap: Grave New World That Has Such Lesbians In It
It’s Halloween in Rosewood! Actually it isn’t, but it’s Halloween here and the Liars are in costumes with quite a lot of cleavage!
American Horror Story 303 Recap: The Replacements
Welcome to the third episode of American Horror Story, the show for all your minotaur sexin’ needs!